How can I talk to my family about my abuse?

When I was 6 my mom brought my uncle to live with us he was 16 at the time , both my parents treated him like a son, after a few months he started hanging out with bad people, doing drugs, and even got involved in robbery’s. He started treating me different I no longer felt safe around him he would touch me and talk to me very inappropriate I felt to dirty, he would tell me that I couldn’t tell my mom because she wouldn’t believe me and I would get in trouble. I am now 22 , I found a way to live with it even though I can’t forget . He is in prison now serving a life sentence ( not for what he did to me) I have never told anyone about this . even though he is locked up I still don’t feel at peace . Everyone in my family loves him and I don’t know how I could ever tell them especially my mom she loves her brother so much it would destroy her. He has recently been asking my family to write to him and send him pictures. My mom told me to write him a letter and send him a picture of my daughter and husband so he could see them .The day she told me that I became nauseous. Since then I can’t stop getting flashbacks . It’s like I’m going through it all over again. I’m so afraid of hurting my family because we are all really close . What do I do ? Should I just keep it to myself since it’s been so long ?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I talk to my family about my abuse?

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You need to come forward and tell your family what he did to you. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope and pray he rots in jail. But I think it’s time for you to let them know. IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT, YOU’RE A VICTIM. God bless you.


You can just tell them no. You want nothing to do with him. And it’s non of their buisness if they pry.
And you can also explain to them if you choose to do that, if they get upset with you for being a victim. Then that’s their problem. Not yours.


Depending on where you live, there is a time limit. I’d recommend coming forward now that he is unable to hurt you, and it may add onto his sentence (some states still do the death penalty, which he would deserve). If your family shames you or isn’t understanding then to me it sounds like a family I wouldn’t want to be a part of.

I know it’s ur mom and you are close but what he did was so wrong in so many ways you have to say something. And you don’t have to write a letter to him like wtf

Try to tell them they need to know what if it wasn’t only you he hurt or tried to hurt God bless you :pray: your strong you got this

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Please tell your mom if I was in her place I would want to know! I love my brothers but I love my daughters more.


I was raped when I was 12. By my so called sitters. I didnt tell anyone until I was 17 because they threatened to hurt my family. I told my mom first and she freaked, had me tell my step dad and brother and they were pissed at the guys, and understood why I didnt tell them.
I felt so much better after it was out in the open. I still have flashbacks occasionally but I think its part of the PTSD. Maby talk to a therapist and possibly do family counseling, bring your mom and the therapist can help you tell her… Also Do NOT feel guilty. Much Love and Gentle Hugs!

Definitely don’t keep it to yourself!
It may be beneficial to see a therapist. They will have suggestions on how you can talk to your family about it and how to heal together as a family.


Tell your mother! He is serving a life sentence, I hope your mother knows what the man is capable of. A good mother will never speak his name again!


In order to heal from this, the truth must come out. It wasn’t your fault. And I’m sure your mother would want to know and support you.

I would suggest counselling first to give you some tools to manage speaking to your mum and dad about what happened to you. But it is also to help you navigate your way through your feelings. Wishing you peace❤


It’s time for you to come clean to your mother and tell her what he did to you. I went threw this at 13 years old and told my parents. This guy is now in jail because another girl came forward.
You are her child remember that at the end of the day.


I think you should write him a letter but with no pictures and tell him how you remember and even though he is not serving time because of what he did to you he still has to read that letter and it will weigh on him. You might even get a letter back in response which could help with your healing.


Start with ypur mom tell her whay happened and of she dosent believe an that happens a lot its because they dont want to be guilty because they brought them in to the of luck to you do what u feel is right for u

It’s going to be a hard conversation but it needs to be done so she understands why he has no business receiving pictures of your child.

If you’re worried about telling them because it’s been so long… you could simply tell them you don’t want to write him or have anything to do with him due to personal reasons that happened a very long time ago. If they pry, you can always tell them then. That way it’s not like you just brought it up after all these years… you brought it up because they’re asking you to write someone that violated your trust!

If I was your mom/family… I would want to know what happened, no matter how long ago it was!

But I will give you a little fair warning… they MAY not return the same hate for him that you have… simply because it has been so long… but then again, they might!! Just something to emotionally prepare for.

Speaking from my own personal experience when I was molested… half of my family didn’t believe that I was molested by a step parent & he’s still active in their lives to this day. Just remember, you are the victim and you’re beautiful and strong. You got this! If you need a listening ear, I’m here. :heart::heart:

The most important part in all of this is that you understand this isn’t YOUR fault. You didn’t ask for it or do anything wrong. He was old enough to know what he was doing was wrong & that should have never happened to you!

tell mom she may not react like you want but once she processes it she will come to you

Telling is easier said than done, especially face to face. My suggestion is seek therapy to help you regain you, regain strength, and if it is still too hard to do it face to face, write a letter.

I am here if you want to talk. I’ve been down this path before and understand how difficult this may be for you.


It’s bothering you, as something like that should, you should tell them. I think you’ll start to feel healing after.

You tag them in this post that the whole world has read and they have no choice but to read and accept it and Handel it


Tell your mom. I’m a mom and I’d want to know, period.

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That is a hard thing to do. It took me years to tell anybody what happened to me. It was also a family member. I am glad I finally did as I was not the only one it was happening to. Do it at your pace. If you need a listening ear feel free to message me. It’s a rough road but you are not alone. Big hug and thoughts coming your way! :heart:

It’s not you hurting your family! You have done absolutely nothing wrong and would be doing nothing wrong in telling them either! They deserve to know the truth… what they choose to do with it is down to them and I do urge you to be prepared for that, but I do believe it will relieve a little bit of the weight you’re carrying rn! You deserve to have your story heard hun and for those who love you to have the chance to help you truly heal​:smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I’m so sorry for what you went through but you are a credit to women everywhere!:heart::heart:

Please DO NOT send pictures of your daughter!

You need to work through it. Speak up - you don’t want to be doing something or be with someone and you get a trigger. It took me 33 years to admit it happened and even after therapy, there are still things that raise my hackles, but I have ways to cope now that I didn’t for a long time. It’s not easy but you need to get it out in the open. Most likely you were not the only one :+1:t2:

This isn’t your dirty little secret. That weight isn’t yours to carry, it’s his. Talk mama, your mom should know that someone violated her baby, she should know he hurt you. Give her the chance to be there for you and help you move on from this. Support is important in healing trauma. You deserve to let it go. Hugs♥️


YOU will not find peace until you tell the truth. How they deal with it is their problem!


Fuck his feelings and how they view him u need to heal if u can’t tell ur parents directly start with ur husband and counseling

Please say something. Believe me I know it’s easier said than done. In order to heal though you have to admit it to yourself as well as the people that love and care about your well-being and mental health. I would talk to a therapist or counselor to initially get it off your chest. Someone that has no fight in the situation and can’t make assumptions about how the situation happened. Then when you tell your mom you will be more prepared for telling her and more prepared for the response.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Like some have suggested I would say do therapy. It can help you deal with these emotions that have been buried for so long. I would also say tell your mom. I think you have been carrying this weight on your shoulders long enough. You deserve & are so worthy of healing it’s way overdue. Sending healing blessings your way & I hope whatever you decide it will be an outcome that will help you in healing from the inside out.

I’m going thru something like this but it was my brother who did it to me and nobody protected me after the fact and he never paid for it and never will…
Tell your family dont keep it in…if they react messed up then you know where they stand…and it’s time to move on with your life…I almost killed myself over it…I’ve been having so many flashback lately its not even funny…your mental state is more important then their feelings…the family you made deserves that…

Well I confronted my perpetrator and I didn’t care if it hurt any one in my family because he was the preferred and blurted it out in a family gathering letting everyone know and from that day on I have not been to family gatherings on my dads side of the family then on my moms side I let my mom know and she of said well you never told me anything what can I do now you knew better!!!So as of today I live a very happy life clean and sober and I have 2 lovely children that I didn’t and have not left them with no one since my son turned mine yrs old my mother is the only person who has tooken care of my babies when they were born she has her own place and lives alone and when she would baby sit she would let everyone know that she couldn’t have company!!!You have to love yourself and let go!!!(That means come forward)) so you can move forward

Talk to a counselor. Write your mom a letter. Don’t ever have contact with the abuser. It will only keep you mentally imprisoned…


I think if it were me, I would simply say… I will not be writing to him, nor will I be sending him any pictures. And if they press as to the reason why, ask them if they are absolutely sure they want to know, because it isn’t pretty. I sense that you feel great shame for this, but it wasn’t you! You didn’t ask for it. I am concerned, because if you tell them and you don’t get the response you are desiring, it will only cause more damage to you. Jesus knows, and you have let it out here, perhaps that is enough. :confused::pray:’s

From my personal experience, you should definitely tell them, even the police, and also see a psychologist. I didn’t tell anyone until I was 18/19 and I had experienced abuse for about 10 years. My regrets? I didn’t tell anyone sooner, and I didn’t get the help I needed. You may forget for a little while but it will always mess with you even if you think it doesn’t. It will affect your relationships. My abuser got away with it, I went to court twice for it, I definitely wish I had of told someone sooner so I had more of a chance of putting him behind bars. You should seek justice. Good luck with everything :two_hearts:


Do whatever you feel in your heart is right. Do not let the feeling of injuring your family dynamic stop you from telling your family if that is what you want to do. If your family does not believe you or if it ruins the family dynamic then you do not need those kinds of people in your life. Sometimes family is no good. I am sure because you said your family is so close that you all will continue to stay close and they will believe you and stop talking to him. Just my opinion. I know how hard this is. Just take a deep breath and do it.

I know exactly how you feel hun… I was in a very similar situation when I was very young… From the age of 11 up to 15 I was sexually molested by my Dads Uncle… I told a friend who then told our school tutor… Police and Social Services were brought into the school to talk to me and I told them everything… I was terrified to go home… My parents sat me down and basically told me I had to tell the police and social services that I was lying to get attention because of how it could “hurt the family”… I still have nightmares now and I’m 41…! Because of this I have never been able to have a “normal” relationship…
What I’m trying to say is LET YOUR TRUTH BE KNOWN…! I don’t want you or anyone else to still be suffering when you get to my age because you were too worried of upsetting your family… They need to know the truth but YOU are the victim in this… NOT HIM…!

PLEASE HAVE THE STRENGTH I DIDN’T… Good luck sweetheart xx

First off I’m sorry this happened to you. Second , you just took your first step in letting it out and telling us. Your next step is either writing that letter to your uncle and letting him know that if he doesn’t tell his entire family what he did to you that you will let them all know. By doing this you are facing your demon and you will be giving that demon enough rope to hang himself. One has to go either your sanity or his! Better his than yours. Your last and final step is getting counseling for yourself. Good luck to you i am praying for you.

Tell them the truth! If they don’t believe you or say anything than they are just as disgusting as that POS human that did that to you! Do not send him nothing. Send him a letter wishing him a horrible life in there and that’s it. No pictures of you or anyone in your immediate family! I hope one day you get your peace and heal. I’m sorry you were through that :broken_heart::broken_heart: sending you healing prayers

You need to let your mom/family know. Cause if they find out you don’t write him or send pictures they may go ahead and send photos of your child. And that 100% would be a no and reason for me to no longer talk to that family member if they did it even after being told about the abuse.

I’d tell your mom, you should not have to have any communication with your abuser and you should absolutely refuse to send him pics or write to him.
But be prepared for the fall. You may not be believed and if they do believe you they may be so mad at you for ruining her ideal brother in her head. It does sound like you should let it all out in this case.

He hurt your family, you didn’t


Do not send them pictures!! They’ll sell them in there to even more disgusting men or worse find your family if someone in there has a problem with him

Boy, this is a tough one. Write him a letter and remind him of what he did to you and the heartache & pain he has caused in you life for so long ( but hopefully not forever). DO NOT send him any pictures of you or of your husband and child , EVER! As far as telling your mom or any family members, I’m at a loss there, but they should know and stand by YOU not him. Maybe talk to a counselor. Good luck honey :pray:t3:

Easiest way to fix this without confrontation is to refuse sending a picture. Tell anyone you deem appropriate that you don’t feel comfortable sending pictures where ANY prisoner could see it. Write him a letter and simply say you would have liked to send him letters but the past that he inflicted on you bans that from ever happening. Wish him well but politely tell him to get bent.

Tell them what happened to you. The sooner the better. I too was molested, by my own dad…. He obviously said if I told anyone I’d get a whooping and I’d be in big trouble. It lasted years. I told my mom eventually. She called the cops and the rest is history. Nothing to be scared of. Be open and honest and just say it. Stand up for yourself. If you do decide to write him a letter which I have no idea why you would, he’s a sick person and wont care what you will say. I have spoken to my dad over the phone once and he was pretending he had no clue what I was talking about…. They don’t care. Tell your family and let that f**ker rot. Let hope you’re mother cares enough to help you and to stop talking to him.

You really need to let you family know. I have been through a lot of abuse as well, (including rape). You need to give yourself a voice. Your not a victim, you are a survivor. I know that you can do this. God bless you and your family.

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Your peace is more important than your family’s opinion of him. You need to do what you need to do for yourself. Keeping this a secret will only hurt you more over time and the truth needs to be told. If they can’t accept the truth, then they don’t need to be around you anyways.

Sit your mom down, warn her that it’s going to be hard pill to swallow… tell her it’s something that’s affected you your whole life. Tell her that it still haunts you … then say it!!

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I think…my opinion. You should find good therapy work thru your trama. Yourself. Forgive him. Have nothing to do w him n keep it moving

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You could always write and confront him for what he did.


Get that ish off your chest n then live in true peace

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I think you should write him a letter. Get out all of those emotions that you’ve been bottling up inside because of him. Let him know you still remember and you are not ok with what he did to you, not should you be. What he did was wrong. You don’t have to talk about the family you have now. Just get out all of your feelings towards him.

If they can’t support you than as much as you love them you don’t need that in your life I am so sorry that happened to you and I hope you find peace


Moi je lui écrirai une lettre en prison lui disant que ce qu’il t’a fait est mal et jentrerais dans les détails …et je la ferais lire a ma mère avant de lui envoyer


Nooo !! Tell them ! It’s on them and you will have peace . You did nothing wrong ! I know ! Been there !


Tell your Mom the truth


Omgoodness, so on the same page!!!:sweat::cry::sob::sleepy: you may messenger me anytime. I can’t share here.

You should tell your mom that you are not going to write to him or send him a picture of your daughter. And you would appreciate it if she did not send the picture either then tell her why!

If u haven’t already I would suggest u seek counseling to help u work they this and find the best option for u


I recommend seeking a family therapist to be a mediator. This is going to be hard for both of you! You need someone there to help you both keep your emotions in check and get it all out. Let her know this triggered you and you need to feel safe.

Also please no judgement but i have been incarcerated in a womens prison… please try to discourage anyone in your family from sending photos of children into prison. Even family pics. Alot of prisons now have cellphones available as well so they can send and recieve texts and photos.

You need to tell your mom/family. You will feel a huge relief.


Get yourself a therapist talk it thru with her and when the time is right you’ll know what to do that’s best for you

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Do what you need to do to free yourself from something that was not your fault, tell who you want go tell , say it out loud, you are in control, please seek some professional help just for some tips on dealing with guilt and flashbacks, you’ve already told us , your stronger then you could even know :kissing_closed_eyes:

I’m in the same situation as you, The only difference is that he did rape me. And he is not in prison he is leaving a good life while I can’t trust no one and I have a lot of depression just mental issues. And he is a owner of many Mexican store’s all over Phoenix,Arizona he is my Step father brother. I did try to tell my stepdad many times. But all my stepdad did was ignore me and put the blame on me. So of course I’m going to have mental issues,I was only 9 years old when it started and lasted till I was 18 years old and I moved out of my home and got away from him. Now I’m 50 years old and can’t leave a normal life with my spouse. So don’t feel alone cause there are many of us out there.

I’m sorry;it’s happened to you. You need;to come out&tell your family what he did to you in the past. You’re gonna;be amazed how empowered you’re feeling about talking about. Being abused;afterwards&book some councillor sessions to help start the healing process&you also;have the right never to have contact with him again. It’s normal;I’m gonna reveal a secret of my own. I was;molested&almost raped by a former male colleague years ago. After i;worked through shock of what’s happened to me i felt like burning his second hand car with himself inside via a petrol bomb&thought it’s not worth the jail time. I’m praying;that you’re gonna heal emotionally&move on.

Tell your truth and get counseling. If they think he is awesome while he sits a life sentence…they will continue their denial.


It started at age 12-15

Write him a letter and tell his ass how you feel and how he hurt

Hè hurted you
You have to tell

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I have been through that. I am now 42 years old. It will NEVER LEAVE YOU. I understand the flashbacks. I experience the same thing after my brother death. My brother was also a victim, when he passed away, he kids mother told me what he had told her. Me and his LAST conversation was about the dam Child Molester .He keep saying I have something to tell you, but I don’t want you to flip out. I said ok, he said I will tell you later. He left my house at 3:00, his time of death is 3:06…You never know how much time you have here on earth. I spent the last ten years of my life, not living. I now know I need to seek much needed help. YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR YOUR HUSBAND, IF YOU HAVEN’T TOLD HIM. THEN YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR MOTHER…DO NOT EXCEPT ANYTHING FROM HER IN THAT MOMENT. BUT BE READY FOR ALL TYPES OF REACTIONS. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG…YOU DID NOTHING WRONG…YOU DID NOTHING WRONG…HE DID. THOSE FLASHBACKS WILL GET WORSE. YOU NEED TO RELEASE YOUR SELF FROM THE MENTAL PRISON YOU ARE BUILDING BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO HURT YOUR FAMILY. YOU ARE HURTING YOURSELF AND THAT’S NOT FAIR TO YOUR DAUGHTER AND HUSBAND. IT WILL NOT BE AN EASY CONVERSATION BUT IT WILL RELEASE YOU. AGAIN YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. TELL YOUR TRUTH.

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You definitely need to tell your husband he loves you and you’re going to need him to lift you up after you tell your mother she needs to Know. Release yourself from that hurt you did nothing wrong why should you continue to suffer in silence. Praying your strength queen

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Find peace!
The current moments are not those of many years ago.

My experience with this. You can go to therapist have session with her tell her or find so.e one tone with you you trust and tell het

Hugs. And good luck

No it will ruin the rest of your life if you keep it to yourself.

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I think you should speak up, you need to get this off your chest. You’re not ruining your family by doing so, please try not to feel that way. He hurt you, he traumatized you and your mom and family need to know.

If you haven’t told your husband I would tell him first. The first person you tell is almost always the hardest. But having him as support when you are ready to tell your family will help a lot. I’m sorry this happened to you! Taking the first step is always the hardest!


Confront him in the letter maybe your mom will read it if you ask her to send it for you that way your address isnt on there either