It is not your responsibility to protect the relationships this man has with your family. He sacrificed that the day he abused you.
You owe nothing to this man or your family. You seem to be suffering in silence. You deserve to be heard and you should feel safe telling your mom what happened to you.
None of it was your fault.
Be brave. Think about your daughter and if you would want her to tell you about someone abusing her. You will likely learn your family will support you and will be devastated by what happened.
Good luck. I wish the very best for you in all of this.
If she asks u to write him again let her know u will never send a pic of ur child or write him, that he abused u when u were younger and thats it!
Do It for yourself. I happy to say the one who hurt me did his time. Loretta
Tell your mom, but prepare yourself for the worst⌠this will haunt you until you do. But know her reaction is hers to own, NOT YOURS! If she chooses not to believe you, move on. You have done your job. DO NOT HANG YOUR HEAD!!! It takes a warrior to speak this truth, you got this!
Tell them the truth. If he abused you, he probably abused others, and it could give them the courage to come forward. The healing begins when the truth comes out. I know from experience.
First of all, im so sorry for that. Been there in a kind of way, so i can tell for SURE⌠Speak to your Mother. Tell her the true. Thats the best thing u can do. She cant keep loving a person that tried to destroy her daughters life. HES AN ABUSER. remember that.
Tell her dont hold that in!! No need for you to suffer an eff him dont send that child molster nothin!!! He sick tell you mom you better never find out she is sendin pics of you or you family he dont deserve it at all!!!
Talk about it. That is the first step to healing. Find a therapist and yes tell youe mother. Do not hold it in it will destroy you. Good luck and you did NOTHING wrong and nothing he did to you was your fault. He has serious issues and you need to focus on you and healing.
Tell everyone. They need to know.
You need a therapist, someone you can talk to about what happened with no fear of judgement of hurting them and they can work with you and help you find the courage to tell your story and when you do those who truly love you wonât love you any less, this is part of who you are now and you are not to blame and dont be ashamed to ask for help, you cant live in your own head for too long, it will eat at you, and it seems it is⌠this wasnt your fault and do not let anyone tell you it is. Ever. Please find a support group or therapist.
Tell your mom. Let it out so you can begin to heal. HE HURT YOU! Not the other way around.
There may be other victims. You continue to be his victim if you continue to hold it in. Have supportive family members with you when you tell your mom. If she says she doesnât believe you, thatâs on her. Its her job to be there for her kids. It is not your fault!
So sorry. Life is not like that. We can do anything we want. My boy left 4 years ago. I call him Kiddo. He calls me dad. Life is hard but . easyim sad but loving and living life
Itâs not your fault.
Tell her you dont want pics of your child floating around prison they get stolen too much.if you want to tell her you can but itâs a legit excuse.i never sent pics of my kids to anyone in prison because of it.
Girl tell your family. Yes sometimes the truth hurts but I would rather know the truth about someone I love rather then loving someone that I truly do not know. I really hope that makes sense. It will help you to heal if you let it out and not hold it in. When it comes to the responses donât worry about that. The point is to help you heal and move forward. Once you expose that part of who he is your part is done. Surround yourself with the people who believe you and support you and move on from the ones that donât. In the end it will all be for the better.
As a woman who was abused as a child by a figure in my family. I will say it will forever haunt you if you donât make peace with it. Rather that be telling or whatever. But first and for most you have to forgive yourself. Those who have never been abused wonât understand that. Those who have know what Iâm saying. You may not even realize you need to make peace with the abuse and forgive yourself. But years of therapy made me realize it wasnât my fault. I didnât wish this to happen and I sure as hell didnât initiate it. Good luck Hun. Make peace with this
No. Tell them. You cannot keep it in any longer. It will run your mental health.
No you donât need to hide that inside but you do need counseling. Asap
Iâm so sorry that happened to you and no one protected you.
In order to heal you need to speak with a professional person that will guide you.Please tell your mum Iâm sure that she will support you.
Good luck
You can do it. You have our support. Speak up no matter what anybody feels about it. No matter what ANYBODY SAYS. Youâre speaking truth. It will definitely shake everybodyâs world. What matters most is that you speak up for yourself.
Never shut up for anyone when it comes to speaking up. Youâre going to hear so much feedback from family/friends⌠youâll even probably lose a few of them because some may be in disbelief. It takes a ton of courage to speak up. youâre doing the right thing.
Tell them everything time to take care of yourself!
I would let them know ,what if he got out and they have your daughter around him.
You should tell them. Their comfort and happiness is NOT more important than yours. Do what is best for YOU. Do whatever you need to do to allow yourself to heal and cope with what happened to you.
Tell them! It will be hard, but they need to know. If he gets out, he could do the same to others. But, you need to tell them!
You must tell them. And do not write him. Take care of yourself and get help -you did nothing wrong.
It sounds like itâs eating you up inside. I was in a similar situation with the brother of my parents friend. I kept it to myself until my 30s. I finally told my parents and believe me, I canât describe the difference it made, not only within myself but in my marriage. Tell your mum, she will support you Iâm sure. You carried this weight long enough. Ask yourself: if this happened to your daughters oils you want her to carry the burden?
You are the victim. Donât spare anyoneâs feelings. You have suffered long enough. You need support to cope.
Tell them. If it causes them pain, itâs pain HE caused. Not you. Good luck, friend.
I would 1st tell your husband about this (if he doesnât already know). Ask him for support and advice. Do NOT send pictures to him. Of yourself, or your family. Understand this may not stop your family from sending them pictures they have of you and your family.
Then, tell your family. Speak to them about your emotions, and your boundaries. If your husband can be there, have him there. Support is so important during a time like that.
Understand, itâs possible they wonât believe you, and theyâll turn their back on you. Thatâs what your husband is for though. This road could be very ugly. But understand, if anyone blames you for what happened or chooses to not believe you, they arenât people who need to be in your life. Family or not. Good luck darling.
P.S. I believe you.
Do not send a photo of your baby to him , and a prison full of them.
If you want to tell them why then tell.them dont worry about everyone elses feelings- you matter . Hes not the person they think he is.
Your mum loves you more than him, she carried you in her body ,you need to tell someone for your daughters safety , you have to open your mouth Is your husband supportive can you talk to him tell him ? Or you got a friend you can talk to,maybe they can help you tell your mum but you cannot have that man near your daughter, I promise you his behaviour will not have changed I genuinely hope your mothering instincts kick in and you tell someone,best of luck to you gorgeous
Iâm a mom. I promise you, no matter how much the news could possibly hurt, your hurt is bigger. I would want my kids to tell me right away if anything ever happened or even made them feel uncomfortable. As their mom, I have their back. Against the world. My job as their mom is to protect, love, understand, and stand beside them. Iâm sure your mom probably feels the exact same way. Tell ur mama!
hun, you need to release your truth and tell your mom,
You will never be able to heal from this as long as you keep it away from your family. They have a right to know regardless of how long it has been. I would also seek professional help for yourself to aid in your healing journey. I am so sorry this happened to you but you need to take care of you
Youâre not responsible for any of this. This is his fault, not yours. You need to heal. You need to focus on healing yourself and do whatever you have to, to get there. You are not obligated to send anything and he doesnât deserve anything from you. Tell them if YOU feel you want or need to. This is about you.
Send him a letter and tell him how his abuse has effected you. And that you will have nothing more to do with him. I think your mother needs to know what happened and that you are trying to heal and will not be letting him back into your life.
Tell them all of it,now!
The same thing happened to me at a young age and like you I carried it until I was 34 and one day just decided I had to confront him for robbing me of my innocence and childhood I was tired of carrying the baggage around and how it interfered with my family life. After leaving his house I felt as if I was floating , I never realised how heavy the weight of that burden was , honestly itâs the only way to heal, btw I never told my parents as I new it would break their hearts, although my sister told them while she was going through her healing process, I wish you all the best, please also know that you are a beautiful lady that deserves to be happy .
Love and light
Donât send pictures of your daughter
Donât send him anything
Iâd be sending him a very detailed letter to him on prison outlying what he has done and how it has hurt you. The letter will get vetted by prison staff and will get around to the inmates . He will get his.
It is not your fault hun. Iâm a survivor myself so i can relate. I would 1000% at least talk to your mom. A real mother always has there childâs back no matter how old they are. Donât be afraid. Do it for YOU. Do not worry about other people. This is for your healing time to set yourself free.
The only way you can start to heal is to let your mom know.
You sit your mom down alone (if your husband knows take him for support) and you tell her just like you told us sweetheart, Iâm so sorry you had to go through that, there is no problem adding to his sentence without a chance for parole! Heâs your uncle by blood cuz unfortunately we donât get to choose our family, but heâs nothing more than a creep who deserves Big Bubba to do the same to him in prison! You need to care for you, your daughter and your husband and release that feeling to be able to advocate one day for other women like you, or for your own daughterâs safety. Donât send anything or write him, talk to your mom, she will understand, you are her daughter, Iâm a mom too and if anyone did something to my daughter like that, Iâd be adding to their sentence & making sure they didnât get any chance! You are strong, you can do this honey! Big hugsđ
A closed mouth doesnât get fed.
Speak up for yourself, speak up for your daughter!
Do not write or send him any pictures, and tell your family what happened!
get in therapy ASAP n dont write him after therapy youll know when to tell family
Definitely get counseling
Same happened to me when I was a lil older. At the time I was kinda forced to tell and it split my family. Without saying the words to me, they didnât believe me. 20 years later I couldnât do it anymore, since he was now renting my old house from family they talked to me about him every day. Made me give him stuff like windows ac units because he couldnât afford to buy his own. I wrote a letter using the DEAD MAN method (Google it, itâs good). I text my mom that I was sending her a pic of the letter and I never want to hear about it again. Well that finally made everyone believe me and they stopped talking to me about him for the most part but it didnât stop them from being a part of his life. They have hung out with him in front of me, hug on him invite him to stuff, my dad even bought a car from him recently. They protect him and defend him now (about other stuff not me) have even asked me if I was going to tell anyone. I feel proud of myself for telling them but now I have to try to accept that I canât make them feel any type of way. I think itâs really fucked up that they still enjoy seeing him and stuff and it effects me a lot but at least now I can say itâs on them. How they choose to react about it has nothing to do with me but it hurts terribly. I protect my daughter and I stood up for myself, thatâs the best I can do. Itâs not necessarily a fairy tale ending but I did what was best for me and thatâs whatâs important. Do whatâs best for you no matter what that is. But the dear man method is nice even if u donât show it to anyone.
No, speak up you need to say something
Itâs a time that we canât be silent
I would write him a letter and express how you feel and that you remember. Let him sit in prison and worry about the family finding out. I would give him the option of notifying the family of what he done to you (Iâm sure there are other children who suffered abuse by him). If he refuses then inform him that you will notify the authorities and all of it will come out in court.
Tell them all he doesnât deserve your families love
You need to go into therapy so you can discuss this with a therapist. They will help you unpack all of those bad memories and process them in a healthy way, and may even help you find an easy way to address it with your family if you choose to do so. You shouldnât have to live with these bad feelings, and have flashbacks.
I personally would sit down and tell my mother what happened, but you need to be prepared for her reaction as well, a lot of the time the first reaction will be denial and you have to be mentally prepared for that. Just say what you have to say, and leave to collect yourself if you need to, but Iâm sure youâll feel better once you get it off your chest.
Tell them! Let me chips fall where they may. You have done nothing wrong and should be able to feel safe in your own home!
Go to a counselor this site isnât where to go to get the REAL GUIDANCE YOU NEED! Get professional help!!!
I would write him and ask him why he did that to you. If you get a reason/confession you can show it to your mom. That way she will have no choice but to believe you
I went thru this after I had my daughter. Speak when youâre ready, but speaking helps healing. Once you speak, brace yourself for the backlash but whatever you do DO NOT APOLOGIZE. You were hurt. You did nothing wrong except exist. Donât let them gaslight you. I hope this helps and give yourself GRACE. You deserve it.
Tell her youâre not going to write to him and tell her why. Tell her everything.
You will not be the source or reason for hurting your mother or family. This is not your fault. You were a very young child. Dont worry about you hurting your family. Hes the one that hurt you and your family. He was still a kid himself and sounds like he shouldâve got some help but thats long in the past. He knew he was doing something wrong by touching a little 6 or 7 year old girl, his cousin and he is the only one that should be worried about destroying your family. Not you. If you donât feel completely comfortable telling your mother yet then you donât have to but you dont have to write him or send him pics either and you donât have to explain that decision to anyone until you feel ready to do so. I would suggest getting into therapy abd telling them about this and eventually moving forward In a safe place with that safe person in your corner and bringing your mom or parents to a session one day and telling them there. When your ready. Donât allow him to keep taking things from you. Hes taking more than you might realize still. This should not be your burden to carry alone through life. He is sick and he should have to pay for his disgusting behavior. Not get all this love and attention from your family while hes serving life and treated like some great golden apple. He is a stain on your life and if your family knew what he did they would be insane to be upset with you for coming forward. Let this be known and be a source of love and strength for children that are suffering this same type of sexual abuse alone. You never know who might be touched by your story. You couldnât save yourself because you were only a little girl but you can protect your future now and if you can help one child or adult overcome abuse its worth speaking up. Helping others will help you too. You deserve to be free of this and pushing down will only harm you in the long run
Speak your truth! Do not hold that back it is eating your guts up and you donât deserve to live that way. I am a survivor of that same type of abuse though it was for my father not an uncle. Itâs going to suck to begin with but I doubt you arenât the only one that he did this to.
Tell your mother exactly what happened to you. If she doesnât believe you then it is her problem. She probably knows more about that time in your life than you know or she suspected things but wasnât sure about it and didnât want to admit anything was going on in her own house. Then talk to a therapist. Just talking to someone about what happened to you will help you more than you know. Good luck!
No. Tell them. Cause when he gets out he could very well do it to another child, but by you informing the family, it could prevent another child from the issues youâre now having to deal with because of this piece of shit!!! By you staying silent, youâre risking this happening to more and more children!!! Forget how your family feels about him, worry about how a future child could be abused by him again!
Iâm sure your mom does love her brother, but Iâm betting she loves you more.
Talk to her and let her know what happened.
I would imagine that you werenât the only one he did this to, and by you coming forward, you could give someone else the courage to speak up.
Please get counseling right away.
Joyce Pearson l totally agree with you.
Yes tell your mother donât bottle this up inside!
What he did to you is NOT your fault. Speak the truth when youâre ready but make it known! Be prepared for backlash and the people who wonât believe you. Staying quiet will eat at you from the inside. Heal, because you deserve to.
I wish my daughter would have spoke up sooner! SPEAK UP NOW!
No u tell i was in situation kinda diff than yours but a family member none the less and i held it in until i was out of the house and married it took my husband saying if i didnt tell them he would bevause i was having terrible nightmares and he had to constantly wake me up from them. You were abused u r the victim not them not him they need to know what happened to u it will help u begin to heal. Whether they love him or not if he did it to u he may have dne it to others too. And even if not its not fair u have to bottle it up. I would tell them im not writing him i will not send him pics and this is why
Please go to therapy it will help. Unfortunately I told my mom when I was 4 my stepfather was touching me and I didnât like it and she never believed me. I tried again at 8 but she called me a liar. I was finally able to get the right therapist 50 yrs later and its helped me alot. Go now tell them what he did. He deserves to loose there love. And hopefully they can finally be there for you now. Good luck. And remember if your not happy or comfortable with anyone you see you can always find someone else. Tell your mom everything
Take a picture of you flipping him off show just your hand. Write to him about what give all of the details you can remember on he did and how you hate him for it and how you will never forgive him. Then take the letter to your mother ask her opinion on what you wrote. Kill yep burgs with one stone.
I have been in this same spot the past few weeks, you need to get it out or it will just keep getting worse
You donât have to keep this a secret any more and certainly donât send him any pics. You have been through trauma ! Tell your family the truth
Just say , mum I canât after what he did to me⌠and then say I donât want to discuss it because I donât want to hurt the family⌠your mum will be there for you ⌠every mother would be
Dont keep it to yourself. That shit will drive u crazyâŚlet it out. Itâs the truth and itâs not your fault. They should know about him and what he truly is. It might show u who is really on your side through it all. U shouldnt have to be involved with someone who did bad things to u
Please do what you would tell your daughter to do if she was in your position. Sending love and hugs xx