Most important thing I did was to forgive myself! It sounds insane but I was too young to know what was happening or I could say stop! Compounded by silencing me by family who didn’t want “shame” on family name…shame on them… I needed help! Tell everyone until someone helps you! You are loved and believed by us. Don’t wait til you are 45 like I did. You are so brave and strong to ask now… you will prevail and trust me… once the false guilt is gone…you will live your true life andalways shareyour pain and help so others will get better too
He can be paroled and hurt other young children. Do not protect the devil. Save yourself and others. Please get help to realize that you don’t need to mAke people happy by shielding a pedophile. Hugs to you.
He is in prison now.
You need to gently tell your parents. This will shock, devastate, then crush there hearts. They need to know as you would with your own child. If and when he gets out talk to those who have children who he could take advantage of. Keep your distance so as to guard your emotions from him. Keeping this a secret gets him off the hook and allows him to do it again.
Very similar situation but it was an older cousin. I was 13 and he was 22. I had anxiety and depression and I didnt tell my parents until I found out he did things to my little brother when he was only 6 to the age of 9. He dropped out of HS, has a history of being in and out of jail, laundry list of doing and selling drugs, involved in prostitution, has serious mental issues, anxiety, bipolar and depression. Now that he’s 35, he questions his sexuality and has severe depression and anxiety. I feel bad for him because my parents didn’t believe him when he told them. I had to tell them I believe him bc he did things to me. They literally had no reaction. Even still he is the family goldenchild and I have removed myself from that side of the family bc of their being in denial. Their reaction has made me numb to a lot and I’ve had to deal with it on my own for many many years and still do but try to forget it. My brother and I aren’t close and have never been but sadly that is the only thing that we have in common. It’s tough when your own parents don’t believe or react to something like that.
I agree with the other person that said talk to her husband and both of you go to your parents with it
Maybe you should write a letter to tell him you remember what he did to you and how it has effected your life. I would never send him a picture of your daughter. Maybe that will start the process of healing.
no tell your mom cuz from experiencein my past from 9 to 17 i wouldnt say nothing then at 35 i had a heart attack when i came out of open heart bye pass an i told her
you need to make sure you’re at peace with yourself and do whatever you have to do to get that piece regardless of whose feelings you hurt your feelings have been hurt for how long now… and let people know he’s not the great guy that everybody thinks that he … you need to let everybody know what happened to you so you could find closure who cares what other people think… only care of how you think and how you fell
no one knows and understands unless they’ve been through this…
Talk this over with a therapist but definitely do not send pictures of your family or children. You need guidance and help to tell your mother. It was not a long time ago….just 16 years ago he molested you (a very young child and he threatened you) and you are not the only one he molested.
First of all you tell your mother that you choose not to send him anything especially pictures of you or your children. It’s your choice. Secondly, I suggest you go speak to a therapist and discuss him him/her about your past and they can suggest how you should proceed.
Do it!!! Tell your mother!! Its the beginning of your healing!! Then get some sort of support. And tell him to go get screwed!
I was 14 when my uncle assaulted me. I was able to get away from him before he took it to the next step. And I avoided him at all costs. I didn’t tell my family until I was 28. And that was only after telling them about what my ex did to me. It is hard to tell family what someone they love has done to you. You don’t have to say anything if you aren’t ready. You can tell your family that you aren’t comfortable sending pictures of your family to him because he is in jail. And just leave it at that. I highly recommend therapy. I am just now starting to open up about my trauma to my therapist. So it’s not something you have to go in and feel like you have to open up about right away. And in time when YOU are ready to tell your family, you will know how you need to go about it.
I think it would be better for YOU to tell someone in the family,some one who you can trust , to help you decide who else needs to be told if any, but go and have counciling, that’s a start ,to tell someone else is the start of healing ,your uncle, is in prison for doing something wrong ,!! His problem not yours, not your fault, he’s not worried about you, he was in the wrong all those years ago he knew what he did was wrong ,you are not to blame you were only 6 years old a small child, take the first step and get yourself the help you need, good luck to you ,you can do this , you are stronger than you think xx
Be open with your parents if not your mom your dad you need to get it off your chest an d write him a letter now that your 22 tell him how you feel and that he disappointed you im sure you have a relative to be with you whem you open up dont keep it to your self for the rest of your life you need to tell someone to make you feel at least a little better its not right for him to have done this to you at such a young age there is help out there for you so open up sweetie
If you can’t afford a counselor please feel free to message me. I’m retired but still help anyone I can. I also have first hand experience. There’s a lot of different theories out there but only one answer for you!
get some help and don’t let him keep his power over u. i know about this and your family needs to hear the truth about him.
By keeping it a secret you are still giving the abuser the power. Tell your parents what happened and take back your power.
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Go to counseling. Talk with a professional. They will help you and may even bring your family in for a meeting so you can talk about what happened in a controlled and safe environment
My older brother did the same to me. I didn’t tell mom till I was like 20. If your mom is a good mom she will not blame you, but be mad at the uncle and possibly at herself for not knowing. Getting it off your shoulders won’t heal what happened, but it should feel better to finally have it out in the open.
I had a similar problem with my BROTHER, he was 5 years older than me I was seven & he was 12 my FAMILY would NEVER believe ME so I stayed silent and hated him, he has passed now but I Still can’t seem to come to grips with myself and I’m 75 now …
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Been through it .Until you bring it into the open he will think you are hiding it because you want it again.Why would you wNt him anywhere near your family.? If it does not come in to the open life does not mean till he is dead .I can nearly guarantee it will not stop.I lost all my family revealing it all but I have never been happier.A family who will loom past that is not worth being part of.Yes its Traumatic going through it but only regret i have is that I didnt do it sooner.
Of course they love him he is their family but so are you.
It’s time to let it out. But you need to be prepared that there is the possibility that they won’t believe you. And they may even be angry at you for saying such things. For that, you may need a therapist.
I was sexually abused multiple times around the age of 5. I did not tell anyone until I was 38 years old. I never spoke about it to my parents but I know that they knew what happened.
I thought I would take it to my grave.
This man got away with the sexual abuse of a lot of young girls. He was one of my Dad’s best friends and he was allowed to come and go to our house all the years I was growing up.
He told me the same age old thing that abusers have used for years, don’t tell your Mother, she won’t love you anymore!
It still makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it but I have lived my life the best I knew to do. I would seek a trained therapist in sexual abuse. Then someone needs to be told what happened.
Sending prayers for all the strength needed to becoming a survivor and loving yourself. 
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Write a letter to him and tell him how what he did affected you, let your mother know that you are not interested in him knowing anything about you or your family. She will most likely want to know why but if you dont want to share just say it’s your own volition and you choose not to participate
Time to release the trauma you’ve suffered
He is behind bars for crimes he has committed you shouldn’t be behind bars yourself from holding back the truth of what happened in the past
Once the truth is told you can move forward to living a better life
Not going to say its going to be easy but will be some peace of mind for you knowing your burden has been broken
Family issues will be the next unfortunate battle on whether they believe you
Is not ok what he did to you! Now you have kids yourself! What he did was wrong! Share it with your husband, and those around you that are willing to listen. It is not fare to you to suffer in silence! Go to therapy and process the trauma! Help yourself with mental health services! Your brain was protecting you and now the secret needs to be process with a professional! Remember you were a kid! Now you are an adult! He failed you and broke the trust and bond he had with you! He only is responsible for his actions! You were a kid! Love yourself and get services!
It’s best to Talk to the Father on Heaven …Hes more Powerful than any…If you Repent and Believe Jesus that died and Rose…its the best and only way.
I’m sure your mom love you more I think you should call her or in your family nicely and explain to them then you have peace to your sauce then you’re gonna relax it’s happened to me too long time ago I would like that I never told my parents
I doubt you’re the only family member with unpleasant experiences with him.
Please protect you daughter. He may get out one day and come around.Better lock barn door now before horse gets our.He deserves no consideration.
No don’t keep it to yourself …don’t continue to be the victim…write your uncle a long letter telling him how you feel and that the shame is on him and he would have to live with it…tell him U forgive him …but not for him for yourself …tell him you will never forget what he did to you n now he has plenty of time to think about it…the him be.can start with an apology. if he is half a man…keep a copy
of the letter. and if you are pushed to contact him by your mother or your family show them the letter and stand up for yourself …U were only a child…it will shock everyone but stay strong …if your family try to close you out …you haven’t really lost anything…good luck 
Bring your fears to the light so they can dissipate. Only YOU have the power to heal yourself. You still give him the power over you by keeping the secrets. Let Go and Let God help you.
What I would do. I would tell my parents,and siblings,all at one time. Then I would go to the jail,and let that mother fucker know that everyone in my family knows what you have done to me. And that I am now set free from all of your trauma. Or just write a letter. But he needs to know that it’s not a secret anymore. Why Protect,The devil himself. Good luck girl.
Tell your mom she needs to know what he did to destroy your child hood don’t let satan have his way
Sweetheart, you and your family aren’t really close if you can’t tell them of this terrible thing that your uncle did to you without fear of losing them. Most assuredly it will hurt them to know about it, but that should not land on you, as you are the one who was victimized. I believe Patty L Milam is right. It’s best to go to a therapist and involve him or her in your process. It may not be time just now to tell your family. I feel you might need some galvanizing before you do that. Given how you feel now, it might do more harm than good and hinder your healing process if you did this now.
If you’re having flashbacks it could mean you are healing from mind control. When you are abused as a small child, this is almost always a component. May I suggest you look up Cathy O’Brien’s work on her website? I’ll put it in a reply to my post when I’ve finished this one… she is an MK Ultra mind control survivor, who has recovered. She wrote three books, two of which detail her experiences and testimony to Congress. The third is a self-help manual, detailing how she recovered from the abuse she suffered. It’s called PTSD: A Time to Heal, and I found it excellent. I might not recommend you reading her other two books until you are recovered. They might traumatize you further. Look at her website and see what you think.
Blessings to you, dear. I pray for healing, health, and wholeness for you.
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He hurt you first! Now’s the time to set matters straight…
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Your story is mine. I suggest you get yourself a good therapist first and she can advise you…
go see a therapist don’t keep that shit in does you no good to do that maybe seeing a therapist will help and also maybe will help you be able to tell you mother at some point
It sounds like you need to tell someone but you need that weight lifted off your sholders and be at peace with yourself you deserve that much
I know exactly how you feel
I too was basically raped at 6 years old. And of late it’s really affecting me I can’t cope I feel
Like I’m going mad I remember exactly what he did. And I know he’s a grandfather now it’s really taking over my life !!!
Its so wrong not to tell your mom and seek counseling . Be smart don’t be a victim
never to late to go to police if you open up to your mum she will be straight out the door to the cop shop .
Don’t send pictures or write to him!! Whether you tell your family is up to you, but find someone to talk to… to help yourself! Holding onto it will eat at you, especially if your family pressures you to communicate with him and you refuse. You may have to tell them at some point. But, whatever else you choose, protect yourself and your daughter
We all keep it to ourselves. Because the mind game they play on us. No one will believe you. I did not tell ether. It’s been 61 years. I am still screwed up from it. Your young go ahead tell your mother. I wish I would have. Your mother loves you. She needs to know and you need her to know. So much of this goes on. It is just not right. I feel for you. The things they do to you and talk about just stays in your head. It comes back and I does not go away. I ask and pray for God to help me get rid of it. Your uncle can still be charged with it not if you wanted to. I wish I would have got the ones put away. I think I could have live with it easier than they got nothing. Just time went by and they died. I will pray for you and please let your mother know. I know how I wish I would have. No one needs to live with this by yourself.
It’s so easy for people to give advice when it isn’t you that has been there.
You have to tell your mum. Even if she will be hurt it is the reality of who her brother is or was. See he ended up in prison anyway coz he was not good.
Everything people have written is true, and if you follow it, I pray it will work for you.
BUT it didn’t for me
My father was …let’s just say," overly handsey" with me, I buried it deep down, until I convinced myself it hadn’t happened, and that worked until I had a traumatic birth and that unlocked it. I went to talk to professionals, who told me to face my dad and speak out, I couldn’t do that to my family, yes it MIGHT help me , but the cost was too high. After my mum and dad had died I tried to tell the rest of my family, but they thought I was being a drama queen, and while they didn’t freeze me out, I no longer have a close relationship with them. Sorry if this confuses you, in the end you will have to trust your gut, and go with what YOU feel is right.
As for your uncle, to keep your mum happy why not pretend to write to him and instead send a plain sheet of paper, or if you feel brave tell him what he has done to you.
Tell your mom. She needs to know. And then seek counseling for yourself. You were a child and this was not your fault.
Definitely need to talk to your mom about it. And your husband. And get a therapy .
Your mother probably already suspects something was up when you changed after he moved in. Therapist then open up.
tell them now you need their support and they need to know that he’s not the person they thought he was
Professional guidance might help. If you are not cômfortable to tell them dỉrectly, I believe your attending therapist can start it. I had an experience where I had to ask a trusted friend to break it to my parents. It helped nutralized the tension. Hugs dear.
Your mother job is to protect you and you need to tell her and forgive him and if she don’t believe you, that’s on her not you
Abuse kept a secret is not good for your health. It also means the abuser could hurt others. Some secrets are just not meant to be kept.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I suggest that you get counseling to help decide what to do. You do not need to write to him or send him photos of you or your family. If he insists, you can at least tell him that if he continues, it will come out. That should stop that.
My step father tried to rape me when i was 16 … I told my mom and she beat me and threw me out . i had to live with my aunt for about 6 weeks when she finally brought me back home it didn’t stop i would keep my bedroom door locked at all times. Insted of telling my mom to get another beating i started to writing letters to God some 3 or times a day. It helped me because i believe God gave me the strength to get through it. My kids are grown now but i swear if one of my grandbabies ever tells me some one has touched them ill be happy to make sure it never happens again.
You will never be truly free. His secret, not yours. The hardest part would be to forgive him. Its for you, not him. You are the victim and your family needs to know.
Do not write him. Do not send him photos.
If you must appease your mom, then send photos of the Grand Canyon or something.
My other advice would be to sit down and tell your mom why you cannot do this. Your feelings are just as important as theirs. Keeping your feelings pushed aside is only damaging you more. Consider other children he may be doing this to through the years, as well. This more than likely is not just about what he did to you. I bet there are others.
It has to start somewhere and a door is being opened to do it. Tell your mom why you cannot send him photos or letters. Let the cards fall where they may.
Sorry for your experience. Been there. Go to prison and Lay it ALL at his feet then walk away. Make sure your loud enough for other’s to hear you without shouting. They don’t take kindly to molesters in prison.
Nope you need to get telling it now all you’re doing is protecting him not your family
U keep such things as secrete and ur daughter might go through the same and keep it secrete for the same reason as you .Let it be known so s ur family may b careful of each member of the famiy
You have to take care of yourself… Please get this off your shoulders and tell them, it is better to feel free of the past.
I’m sorry I don’t know u but now u can tell them it’s time and if they don’t believe u it’s on them u need to for u and ur health . It will help u in the long run trust me it will .
it’s ok to be angry ; he robbed you o, at the least, of your innocence and peace . stand up for yourself and teach your daughter she matters and has rights . he is not allowed to bully you to silence
You need to forgive him and be true to yourself and tell what he did to you. If they get hurt that’s o them. You have think about your self and healing.
You have the right to avoid toxic people,even family members.
Forward this to them. Their loss if they can’t accept this but you will feel better getting off your chest. They back him and deny you…their loss not you
Whose suffering? You are! Relieve yourself of this burden, tell your mother and you will feel better!
just write the letter to him telling him how wrong he was to do what he did to you and that you won’t be writing him anymore do not send any pictures of your daughter or your husband if you do not feel comfortable no one needs to know what you write in that letter that’s your business
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I agree with all comments that you should tell your family. Whilst you don’t he is in control, but its important that you take control of this situation. If they don’t believe you, it then becomes their problem not yours, seek professional counselling they will help you cope
Tell them. If u write him. Dont send pics. Tell hi. How u feel for what he did to you. Much love to u. Please do what u feel and NO picture of u or ur daughter as he could get pleasure from them. Much love to u. Please go to therapy. I have to from the horrible things I have been through.
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You need to heal. The only way you can begin this process is by telling someone whether it is your family or a professional. By holding it inside you will never get over it.
Do not send him anything absolutely nothing wait and wait and wait some more, ask God to heal your heart before dealing with the pain, tell your mom in a sweet way I personally am not ready to deal with that right now,when God heals the pain in my heart and you can forgive him then you can move forward, pray about it.You will be ok one-day when your heart is healed all my love Debbie
Choosing a trauma therapist would be good. There is a little bit of difference when it is of a sexual nature, so your therapist should be trained in that area.
If you don’t choose therapy, then I would have another alternative. While your Uncle is in jail, you could take your husband with you and go see him. Lay the abuse and guilt back on him . You don’t have to reminisce, just say your peace and leave and forgive let your younger self and off the hook. Remember he isn’t continually doing it to you now, although your sense memory feels like it is as a form of PTSD. When you walk away it is symbolic of leaving the awful experience and negative emotions behind. Walk with your head held high and your husband right beside you, you are walking away from the past, the hurt, shame, guilt, and unsafe feelings. But if you go to counseling the counselor may have a sense on when or if that would be good for you to do.
Or like your mom said, write a little note. Don’t write anything that you feel uncomfortable about like that nausea feeling. I would be hesitant to send a picture right away…baby steps. Gradually, and if you don’t want to don’t, whatever makes you feel comfortable in protecting your privacy.
As a child of sexual abuse, Speak Up. It is the only way to move forward and get rid of the quilt. See someone if you need to for help. Your family needs to know why you don’t want to deal with him.
The worst thing ever is not telling I told my daughters they could always tell me no matter what wouldn’t you want yours to tell you
Just put a blank paper in an envelope and pretend to send it in front of her. Fake the effort to get her off your back for a hot minute and give yourself a little more time to breathe and think.
Tell your mum n dad… you will get closer faster that and if they dont believe you it will give you grounds not to write to him or have your children around him…
yes you should definitely tell them and let them know everything and you don’t have to write him or send pics to him of you or your daughter
Ask your husband his opinion… he knows your family and might be able see things in a different light than you… I’d start with him…
If he might EVER go before a parole board, I’d be sure there’s a letter from youin his file
No, tell your family and then get some help dealing with what happened to you.
I would sit her down, calmly…and tell her that you will not be writing him a letter and you will especially not be sending him a picture of your daughter…and here’s the reason why. Then tell her everything. If she tries to say you’re lying, ask her what exactly you would have to gain from that?
You need to speak to someone in a therapy session, please. You did nothing wrong.
Wow you’ve got a lot of thinking to do. 14 years ago and your thinking of bringing it out now. I suggest you start counselling to help you through these thoughts. Now by telling muma or anyone else besides a therapist you arnt going to affect him in any way as you said he has a life sentence. If anything you can write to him and tell him what he did to you was unforgivable and it should never have happened, tell him how you feel. Then close that book speak to your counsellor or therapist sort it out there. If you need to tell your mother then invite her to a meeting with your counsellor and let it be said there in front of someone who can handle the situation. Because just telling her in her kitchen persay she may not accept the depth of your problem. But in saying that 14 years done n dusted, your moved forward, let it go, don’t give him any attention and ignore those who are. He is in the right place move forward with you life and don’t bring it out in the open doesn’t usually sit well with his supporters n it just gives family talking points and you don’t need that. Remember see a counsellor asap.
Mummy would always side with her child.
You will always have flashbacks. I am going to message you.
Tell your mom and daint dare sent pictures to him. You are grown now and should make choices that do not cause pain to you.
An impossible dilemma. You are going to need to talk to a counselor if you can. Get it all out first so you can look at it fully and decide which hell you want: keeping it inside or letting it out. The former will take a tole on you, the latter will take it’s tole on your family and your relationship with them. The person who raped me when I was 5 years old, I did not remember any of it till I was like 27ish. I promptly called him, asked, he denied it all. Then about a year or two later, he came to see me in person, he apologized profusely, said yes, it did happen, he was sorry, we talked it out, I never felt the need to tell anyone else. But YOU have to decide what is best for you!
Tell you FAMILY what happened… you don’t need to keep this bottled up in you the rest of your life. Not fair to you. If they want to brush it aside, that is who they are. But you are doing the right thing by finally exposing what he did to you. Be interesting to see how they handle this. What he did to you in the past, he would never get a picture of my daughter. Are you close to your mother?
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You just tell them you need to tell them something and please don’t interrupt you till your finished because it is hard to tell. And them just do it
That happened to me by my uncle and my grandfather they were adult man I was just a child and when I grew up I cannot have a relationship with a man a good relationship because I thought that was all they wanted from you was sex but I found that after I had my last daughter talking about it help telling people my friends family didn’t believe me but talking about it to people to strangers even it helped me it’s still really really hard think about to deal with 63 but I don’t let it get to me anymore like it used to
I know how you feel been thru it get the help you need my problem my family didn’t believe me and still don’t I got help you can forgive but can’t forget it still pops up in my brain some times I keep telling my self I did nothing wrong
Speak up – you could be helping someone else. Of course, tell your husband first.
My first thought is even though the one who actually assaulted you is locked up forever the problem is your parents even though they had no part it in you feel they DID because they SHOULD have known and didnt stop it. Recovery from this type of violation is a tough mountain to climb. I hope you find a therapist to help you find peace and the daily skills to help you move forward with the life you deserve and God meant for you to have. Wait for the therapist to help you decide if this confrontation will help you. You may not get the reaction you hoped for.
You need to help yourself…therapy will help you and as you discover your strengths…you will know which direction to go on…heal thyself…and no he is a pedophile …just don’t do it
You should tell your mom no you don’t send a pic of your daughter and your kids is supposed to come first
I never told anyone anything…to this day…but I really wish I had reached out to just one person. I chose to …handle my own problems…huge mistake.
You did nothing wrong and anyone who claims you’re lying cut out of your life.
Yell it from the highest hill,tell ,tell, tell!!
What would you want your girl to do.If family don’t back you walk away for your babies.
It’s a cycle break it.