When I was 6 my mom brought my uncle to live with us he was 16 at the time , both my parents treated him like a son, after a few months he started hanging out with bad people, doing drugs, and even got involved in robbery’s. He started treating me different I no longer felt safe around him he would touch me and talk to me very inappropriate I felt to dirty, he would tell me that I couldn’t tell my mom because she wouldn’t believe me and I would get in trouble. I am now 22 , I found a way to live with it even though I can’t forget . He is in prison now serving a life sentence ( not for what he did to me) I have never told anyone about this . even though he is locked up I still don’t feel at peace . Everyone in my family loves him and I don’t know how I could ever tell them especially my mom she loves her brother so much it would destroy her. He has recently been asking my family to write to him and send him pictures. My mom told me to write him a letter and send him a picture of my daughter and husband so he could see them .The day she told me that I became nauseous. Since then I can’t stop getting flashbacks . It’s like I’m going through it all over again. I’m so afraid of hurting my family because we are all really close . What do I do ? Should I just keep it to myself since it’s been so long ?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I talk to my family about my abuse? - Mamas Uncut
As long as you keep holding on to this secret you will not have peace. You need to tell your family you don’t wish to send him letters or pictures. Then tell them why. You need to speak out. You don’t ever have to write him or send pictures, especially of your child. Pray about it, ask God to prepare your families heart for what you have to tell them. It will be ok. 
It is a shame that you seem to carry the blame and shame of your uncle’s actions. None of this is your falt! Only when you tell someone will you get life and dignity back!
Do not keep this to your self. A very similar thing happened to me as a child by an older brother in law. It took a long time, but I started having bad anxiety, and depression, and finally got therapy. Being able to finally talk about it helped me so much in unbelievable ways… if you can’t tell your family, start with some therapy until your feeling stronger about it, and then go from there…
Talk to your hubby and have him with you as support when you tell your parents.
No, You need to talk to a professional. Your family needs to know this will help in your recovery .
Such a hard situation I would tell my mom or just tell her you have your reasons for not wanting your daughter around him and leave it at that. I’m sorry you are going through this!
I worked with many survivors of abuse in my 40 year career as a clinical social worker. Everyone heals in her own way, but no one heals all by herself. Find a good therapist and work with your therapist to figure out what YOU need. Some people need to confront their abusers, some are re-traumatized by seeing their abuser again, some need to disclose to family, others don’t or can’t. Therapy is the first step toward taking back control of this part of your life. You deserve peace of mind.
You should definitely tell!!! If you don’t he will continue to do those things. You may be protecting another little girl from him (when he is out). You need to protect the innocent not the monster! I am so sorry you have had to go thru that pain for so many years 
please don’t let another girl feel that. It is very hard to tell that secret…it takes great strength and courage. Some may never believe you and that hard. Some may even blame you. Be prepared but tell YOUR TRUTH! May God bless you and give you strength. Also I would suggest to find a therapist that will help you thru the process of telling your story. It will be another heartbreak for you to get thru…but you WILL feel stronger once you do.
For you to heal and find peace your story must be told. Just my opinion. He is the monster that caused you to loose your innocence !
see a therapist and get their help in telling the family. No way should you have contact with him.
Oh sweetie I am so sorry this happened to you. You have a daughter now, so you really should speak out to make sure he never does this to another child every again. It is your mom’s job to be there for you no matter what, so open up to her. But sadly I know it will hurt if your family does not believe you or treats you different, but that is their loss. You need to heal & you need to do what is right by not staying silent anymore. You are in my prayers sweetie.
Silence is never a good option. I finally told my Mom about my abuse at the ripe old age of 60. She was upset stating she didn’t know. I reassured her I knew that she and Dad would have protected me had they known. Please get some help/therapy. It was not your fault, you did nothing wrong. He was the looser not you.
I highly suggest you talk to a therapist. As an A.M.A.C myself therapy goes a long way to help in healing. As for telling your family, that is entirely up to you. If the only thing stopping you is their image of this person I would tell them. I will tell you that confronting the person can be a part of the healing process as well. It may actually be easier to do so via letter while they are still locked up. You could see if you can mail it from a family members address so the person doesn’t end up with your personal address. I absolutely would NOT send any pictures of your family. Just unload how much their actions hurt you. If you need to talk please do not hesitate to reach out to me. Stay strong, stay positive, and stay happy.
Tell your mom in the kindest way. She may have a hard time with it but that’s on her. Maybe seek help with this first. He may have and probably did this same thing to others. You do not need to let this make you feel bad. Take care of yourself first.
I had exactly the same experience. Remember you owe him nothing and that he knows what happened even if nobody else does. Your decision to tell your mum can be nobody’s decision but your own. In my case I didn’t and my parents died not knowing. The relative died too and then I felt safe enough to be honest with my family. I am now alone as the knowledge of it and denial or disbelief was easier for them than acceptance. I have an unfixable rift now with my family as I cannot forgive the fact that it took me so much courage to come clean with my horrendous past and they all turned their back on me. I wish you all the love and strength in the world whatever you decide to do. X
Find a local crisis center w free counseling and an advocate to help you decide what course of action is best for you.
Writing a letter to the perp is not a good idea.
Writing a diary for personal closure can help you tho.
Many families may want to deny dirty secrets so be careful how you tell them.
Human nature is sadly not in favor of victims.
It is common to blame the victim this is called horizontal hostility. Again find a therapist first to help you sort this out.
I love my brothers and my brother in laws very much and it would be difficult to think that they would do something like that to my children, however, as a parent, if something like this happened to either of my daughters or my son I would want to know. A good parent ALWAYS believes their child first and then sorts truth and detail out later. As hard as it might be for your family to think your uncle was capable of doing something like that, your safety and well being as their daughter is first and foremost. It doesn’t matter if you are 2 or 22. And the guys doing life already. Seems like he’s capable of anything. And I know you don’t know me, but if you read this know, I believe you and I’m sorry that happened to you. Get help from a therapist. You deserve to have a good mental health. 
Highly recommend Peter Walkers book, "Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving. And a trauma therapist if accessible. Your peace and emotional safety comes first, before having to deal with dysfunction and boundary issues with extended family members who will likely not have supportive responses. With the support of safe people, then you can make a decision of whether or not to deal with their emotional responses and when.
It is the silence that allows these sick people to continue to do the damage to young children and adults! Time to set the history straight,and let your family learn to deal with this openly.
Don’t expect them to believe you, but eventually they will see patterns that were there all along. He is where he should be!!!
Be strong it’s ok to tell… protect yourself a d kids but get done counseling trauma is hard to deal with
Don’t be a victim. He ruined his own life. Don’t let him continue to ruin yours. Tell your Mom, see a counselor
Speak up! Not just you now but your child. So you ever want him around your child? Been through abuse like this. Spoke up, no contact or good relationship with my mom for a while. Just before she died 20 yrs ago she got it. Didn’t matter to me if she ever did. I felt good about me finally and the safety of my children was utmost to me
The truth sometimes hurts, but it’s best to get it out in the open. This young man needs help and there is no telling how many other young girls he has done the same too. Let it out and let it be.
Telling your family wouldn’t be (in my opinion) beneficial for you. BUT I do feel you need to talk to someone about it. Telling someone will help you get it out of your head. You need to talk to someone. The reason I say not your family is because if they do not give you a helpful response it will make you feel worse. Not worth the risk. Tell someone close or a therapist/counselor or whoever you feel safe telling. Sorry you have to deal with this. 
U r grow women tell your parents. And do not send a letter Time for u to have peace and happiness.
You did nothing to him. He abused you! Tell your husband and then together tell your mom. You need to heal and this is your first step . It may also help him.
He can’t hurt you anymore
You will start to heal when you can start dumping this load by talking about it. I would start with a trauma therapist. Also, if you like, you can talk to a female police officer, because he can probably still be charged with his crimes against you. There is a terrific list of trauma therapists at www.attach.org. Hugs to you. I’ve been there, and you CAN heal!
Don’t send him a letter or a picture. Talk to your husband and then get a therapist to talk to them and talk to your family yes they may not believe you they may get upset about the news but it’s better to have people no then bottling up inside
They definitely need to know . For you to have any peace and work through it. Besides What if he gets out and they bring him around your child without having this truth of yours
You need to tell your parents. It’s the right thing to do. It won’t be pleasant but your mental health is more important. Keeping quiet makes you his enabler and it will set you free from having something untold. Your mother will survive. You don’t need to communicate with anyone who abused you.
You need to let it out and tell her.
I held it in for so many years. My father and uncle both molested me. I never told anyone, until my sister came forward about my father. I was already married with 2 kids. It still haunts me to this day, and he has been dead for most 25 years now. Het it out!! It will.eat you alive if you.dont. But first sit down with your husband and tell him everything. You will need his support the most. I will keep you in my prayers
Be strong and let your mom know you want nothing to do with him and that he will have nothing to do with your children!! Let her know that you have your reasons for your feelings and they are personal and hard to talk about but if she is willing to be open you’ll explain.
You need a good psychologist to help you work through the trauma of being sexually abused.
Eventually you will find a way to talk to your mom about this.
Do not contact this man for any reason ever. Doing so will harm you more.
Please get some help. You’re worth it. Learn to take care of yourself. Protect yourself and your family. Put your needs ahead of your mother’s needs. You deserve so much more.
I’m so sorry you are having flashbacks. Don’t go it alone. There is good help available.
Um NO
WHY SHOULD HE GO THROUGH LIFE EVEN THOUGH HE’S IN JAIL BEING FREE SO TO SPEAK FOR DOING WHAT HE DID AND HEAR YOU ARE LIVING DAY BY DAY WITH ISSUES IN ORDER FOR YOU TO MOVE ON FACE IT YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP AND IF THEY CAN’T BE BY YOUR SIDE NOW THEN THEY WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BUT AT LEAST YOU CAN BE FREE AND MOVE ON AND GET SUPPORT 
Please remember you to are probably not his only victim, there could be other family members who are also afraid to speak up. Find some counciling for yourself and ask them for help to tell your family. You have a right to find your peace, or it will be er look have you. Best of luck to you.
Get some therapy first, you need to prepare your self to do this. Be strong you did nothing wrong. Don’t cover up for him, tell them the truth when the time is right. You can do this, pray for strength.
Please get some counseling ASAP You need to deal with his trauma. God bless you and keep you safe but you do need a professional to help you process this trauma. No doubt about it.
What’s done is done. What good is it to tell your parents. Just will cause them unnecessary pain. Therapy may be the thing to consider and know this was not your fault and he will be judged in a much higher court.
You need to get some counselling for yourself and maybe through that you will be able to talk to your family. Thankfully he is away from you and all other kids!!!
You are a grown woman, with a family of your own. You are fully within your own rights to NOT do what your mother is asking you to do. Please, follow the advice to get professional help. You do not bear responsibility for anyone else’s mental health, but you do owe them your respect. DO NOT tell them your reason (for not contacting your uncle) on your own. You ARE responsible for your own well-being, as well as that of your child/children. And, please pray. You say you have found a way to live with it, and that way includes having nothing to do with your uncle. Let me just say that forgiveness has nothing to do with the (pertetrator) and everything to do with the victim’s ability to live freely. But forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you forget. Many blessings to you.
Your the one that matters. Not their feelings. Yes it may hurt them but maybe it should. They need to know what he did to you.
Now that you are an adult got a child time to open up and let them know. I WILL DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT MY CHILD WHICH I DID WHEN SOMEBODY AT CHURCH EXPOSED MY DAUGHTER WITH PORNOGRAPHIC PICTURES (magazines.) And the ANIMAL served 16 to life and somebody killed him and thank you for that.
You should fing a good therapist but above all do tell your family about what happened and why you cannot share your life and your families with him, he stole your childhood. I pray for your healing.
Spill your guts…you will feel better. It may cause some hardship with your mom, but she deserves the truth as well.
as a counsellor the first step and first self therapy is : first write a letter to your uncle and let him know that you have been abused by him and and you can’t forget and forgive him and had a very bad impact in your life . then its easier for you to go for next step
Sit quietly with your parents, tell them as parents we keep our children safe from bad people, explained how you been hiding a bad person for year’s, start slowly about what happened to you and how you hide this very painful situation. Praying for you
This secret is eating you alive,forget about peoples feelings and think about your own. If your mom and family members want to be upset with you oh well,where were they when you were being hurt. Telling is your first step towards healing and he would never get a letter from me except to tell him about what he did to me. Keep your family safe especially you and your daughter, he would never see a picture of me or my loved ones ever. Him asking for letters is really a way of seeing you and remembering what he used to do ,with his sick self. When you tell you will realize he might have done it to many more family members but they are scared as well. End it now speak up for yourself and start healing. It doesn’t matter who believes the truth will set you free.
Please find help, a counselir, a psychologist or a pastor to help you emotionally. After that, you will feel stronger to tell your family. And to have some closure, sent him a letter expressing your forgiveness. Tell him that you are a strong woman not a victim. You are not that little indefense girl he abused. Get a closure to that vhaptet in your life. If your family does not believe you, it is up to them. After that, you have to live your present with and for your husband and child, no one else . Good luck my dear. Many blesdings
If you speak up you may help someone else speak that he also victimized. It will be a very healing experience for you.
You didn’t do anything wrong sweetie your uncle was the wrong one I think you should follow your heart and reveal what happened long ago good luck
Please take the advice from the professionals here. Seek therapy & hopefully you can find someone who specializes in sexual abuse. They can help you work through this the way it will work for you. I pray you find peace for yourself from this traumatic thing that happened to you.
I didn’t read all the comments, so apologies if this is duplicate advice. Regardless of whether you disclose this abuse to your family (because truly, that is a personal decision that only you can make and may not be capable of making until after seeking professional help)- you should most definitely seek professional support. Speak your truth to a trained professional who can help guide you through the healing/acceptance process and teach you healthy ways to cope with PTSD caused by the type of trauma you’ve experienced. PERSONALLY, I would have nothing to do with the uncle in question and would certainly not send him photos of your daughter (nor allow other family members to do so- and you don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why either). If and when you decide to disclose to your parents/family the abuse- definitely do so with a positive support system in place- hubby, and/or therapist at least. And finally, please know that YOU ARE THE VICTIM in this. And such, owe nothing to anyone. Do what is right for you and your family (meaning hubby, daughter, you). And know that sometimes even those who are meant to protect us most, are incapable/don’t want to accept that monsters can/do exist within their own families.
My thoughts are with you. And I’m sending you strength and powerful vibes~ from a fellow survivor
I went through this at a young age I would tell but nothing was done about it dont no why but if you talk to your parents just tell them everything
Absolutely not! Do not keep it to yourself that could hurt u worse!! Please reach out to your mom or someone that could help you during this!!
Why are you covering for him why would you even think you aren’t more important to your parents this won’t hurt them more than he hurt you. You can’t move forward until you say it out loud and be heard
You absolutely need to tell them! They need to know why you don’t to be around him! Do this for you and the safety of your children! Tell the truth especially because he told you not to!
Speaking about it will help you recover, I have a similar story and didn’t start recovering until I spoke to my mom and others about it. You have to remember you did nothing wrong.
The first thing to do is forgive him. Forgiveness is about you. You will never move on until you forgive him. It is for your own peace. Forgiveness doesn’t negate what he did. Or frees you from your own prison. Once you do that, I believe you’ll know what to do next without anyone’s input. I’m praying for you.
Sounds like you’re having some ptsd… I would seek counseling as my first step so you can learn to process what You are feeling and then speak your truth hun, its not your secret or shame to carry! You’re so strong and brave… something was taken from you as a girl and its not fair that as a woman you’re still covered in that scumbags shame. Cleanse yourself by letting the truth set you free and let healing come to you! You’re not a victim love you’re a survivor! God bless🙏
I would be honest with them. Never be silent about this type of thing. I would tell her you don’t want pictures sent of your kids. Please get help professionally. Your silent is allowing him to get away with this behavior
I hid my abuse for years, but it isn’t healthy. Please see a counselor, and yes, do tell your family. I did, and I’m not sorry. Your pain is real and you deserve to be free of expectations towards your abuser.
They deserve the truth, as hard as it will be. They should know who he really is as a person and you deserve the peace. If he didn’t want them to find out, he should not have done it.
1st talk to your husband and have him as support. You next need to talk to your family and let them know! I understand not wanting to hurt them but you need to tell them. You need to start thinking about you, helping yourself work through this. You do not deserve to live with this alone. Heal yourself, if not for you then do it for your children.
I wish I could say tell them, but they likely will tell you you are lying and how dare you sully his name. I will tell you to get counseling, (flashbacks are PTSD,) to be the best wife and mom you can be. DO NOT WRITE TO HIM! And don’t let your mom pressure you to do it. It may come to a point where you have to tell her, but get counseling first. Again, the likelihood of her believing you, unfortunately, are pretty slim.
You need to tell your mother what happened and that you have no intention of being in contact with him.
Tell your Mom why you wont send pictures. Tell her you forgive him. Send him a letter saying what happened but you forgive him. Forgiving is letting go and it takes many years to forgive but it is what has hurt you and you need to let go of it. Also see a councellor to help you deal with the pain from years ago. Forgiving is forgetting, letting go. It may hit home to him when he realised what he did but it may not. It is you who dealt with the pain, let it go for yourself
No no tell them EVERYTHING. DO NOT SEND PICTURES OF YOUR DAUGHTER!!! Protect her no matter what your believes. I kept my secret until last year… I’m 41… It wasn’t family but still I should have spoke up because it happened to 3 of my daughters. I wished I was open with them. I also found out it happened to my another family of my starting around 1 and lasted until she was 6. She never told anyone… This family is on her 60s…
Tell her i regret not telling my Mom about my Uncle she die not knowing but later I found out he did it to other cousins he sexually abused me for 6 years it started when I turn 4 but one day I defend myself and he stop
Take it from me. If you cherish the loving relationship you and your family have, don’t tell them… Write a letter to him expressing EVERY EMOTIONAL TRAUMA he put you through and leave it in that letter. I finally told my family how my brother raped me for years, got me pregnant 3 times before the age of 17, (I kept the 1st one birthed when I was 14) and come to find out my family already knew. I stood up for myself to stop the abuse and put him in jail. My family has then since been on a 30 plus year binge of victim shaming and not forgiving me for terminating the other pregnancies or putting him in jail. I lost my Mom, Dad, Older brother, Aunt, nieces and countless other family members for speaking up. There was NEVER any support from ANY of them, only disdain. I wouldn’t wish this heartbreak on anyone. Spare your heart the torment…
Instead teach future generations how to not perpetuate the same behavior…
It can damage your health and relationships to keep that inside of you. Who else did he abuse? Does he get parole hearings? If so, he could abuse another child. My advise is to tell them, with a therapist present.
You need to heal and keeping this massive secret will never heal you. You are now a woman with a family and it should be easier for you to face your family with it. If they love you, they will believe you.
I think you should talk to your family about him karma already hit him he can’t hurt you any more he is locked up for ever he is done what can he do to you the only way you will be free if you sit down and talk about it let it out and your parents will need to believe you and understand you why you never said anything because you are a close family if you hold it in you will never have Peace and remember when you have children wouldn’t you want your children to tell you Good Luck like they say life will take care of it it’s called Karma
You have to heal and find peace. You can’t have peace with a storm inside you. Let the storm out. Tell them. I would sit them down and be very open and transparent about your entire experience with him.
Girl you write that letter and you tell him just how you feel about what he did to you. Let it all out. So when he’s feeling all warm and fuzzy from all the loving letters he’ll get hit right in the face with his dirty deeds…
A lot of people are wearing your shoes and being destroyed by secrets. Some can take it to the grave…some can’t. Do what’s best for you. If he stands a chance for parole and may have access to other young ones…HANDLE THE SITUATION.! MY PRAYERS FOR YOU
I’m so sorry u had to experience this, personally I would share this w/ a professional that help u help ur/self especially since ur entering adulthood u certainly don’t want to carry this inside it might hurt u even that much more emotionally * mentally, professionals are trained in many aspects, the positive thing is his serving a life sentence therefore this monster cannot hurt anyone again, Best Wishes, God’s Blessing
I would definitely say something, but you are the only one who can decide if that is right for you. I do think you would feel better letting it out. Good luck 
You don’t deserve what happened, you are not at fault, you are beautiful inside and out, you deserve to be heard, don’t be hard on yourself, and you can do it…
Girl tell then if they keep pressing you, you sound like a great minded round person, if he’s in prison for sex crimes it may be easier xx
Pray and ask God for his timing and guidance. After God has given you the answer, go in peace to your mom. She needs to know the truth, and you need to be free from the guilt that he has layed on you. Free yourself and live the rest of your life in peace, with your husband and child.
Blessings
I think you should definitely tell your mom the truth about her brother. It may shock the family, but you have got to be true to yourself.
God I’m so sorry that happened to you. It happened to me too. It’s terrible and it never goes away. But you can choose to not write him or send him pictures. Tell your mom you aren’t comfortable doing that. Your news would not destroy her. His actions would destroy her. This is not your fault.
That’s what I’m doing
Just keeping my mouth shut bc there’s no point
My mom and dad act like nothing ever happened and when I did bring it up my mom just got very defensive and told me to close the chapter (my dad used to sexually assault me since I was 6 years old) now I’m 30 and doesn’t look like I said anything to her 
You need to let her know it will release alot of fear thats locked up inside of you. I’m praying for you.
Seek help in coping and perhaps telling your family who may not even believe you. Mine did not and to this day I hate them for that. I love them…but I hate them too.
Counseling for ur personal strengthening first. Ur people have waited this long not knowing. When u start counseling & they start asking why, then Bam, u now have an opening for that difficult conversation & u will already have some backup n the counseling. Sorry this happened to u. Heal & live happy & well 
You should try and speak out, before he comes out of jail and tries it on another child,he must be punished, that why I do tell my daughters that I don’t trust anybody, father, uncle, brother, teacher, pastor, so they should be very careful.
Tell your family … and talk to a professional to help you… I am so sorry this happened to you… if it happened to you he may have done it to someone else … do you have younger sisters …
I had to forgive my rapist in order to move forward with my life. If your insurance will cover, get a good therapist. It took me a while, but I was finally able to get past the flashbacks, anxiety attacks, and self hatred with their help, a lot of prayer, finally realizing that it was my rapist’s problem, I had no control, and lastly, finally forgiving him. I’m too old to start again but you are young enough to take back your life, and have a great life. Praying for you.
I have an uncle who tried to abuse me when I was a child. Unfortunately, my sister had been through it at the hands of our stepfather, but fortunately for me, I knew what that looked like and as soon as he realized that I knew what he was doing, he stopped.
He did, however, use family issues to shame me into never telling.
I never spoke a word about it for 20+ years and had to be around him on a regular basis for the rest of my childhood.
I’m not sure if he tried/succeeded with any of my cousins, but even now in my 40s I still feel guilt about never speaking up. I hope he didn’t do anything to my cousins, but chances are that he did. Very few of my family members know and I’m pretty certain my mother still hasn’t accepted it.
For nothing else but your own sanity, speak up. Don’t let your family unintentionally bully you into involving that nightmare back into your life. You might temporarily damage some relationships, but in the long run you’ll be fixing yourself.
You’ll just have to keep it to yourself or therapy because nobody will believe you sorry
Love your beautiful self, and everything will fall into place. Your family will love you no matter what.
To regain my power and find peace I wrote a letter and because my perpetrator was already dead, I just burned the letter and walked away free.
Write a curt letter and tell him that you are adult now and are ready to free yourself of the past.
Tell him that what he did to you when you were young and vulnerable was wrong. He was older and should have been protecting you and not abusing you.
He betrayed your family’s bond, stole your
innocence and your trust.
That pain and suffering ends now.
You are taking back your innocence to heal yourself and your inner child and will leave the shame, guilt and wrongdoing with him.
You cut yourself free of all ties with him and turn away to live your own life freely, fully and joyously.
The rest you leave with him.
What he makes of this or does with this is not your business.
Allow everyone else to carry on their relationship with him as their heart tells them too. It is not your business.
You need to heal your heart and love and protect your own family.
Report it to the police nobody knows how many children he’s abused It doesn’t matter if your mums devastated I’m sure you were devastated when it was happening to you. It wasn’t you who molested him He molested you and you don’t need to be ashamed it’s him who should be ashamed
I’m here to talk anytime. I know what this young woman is going through it’s happened to me. Pray about it to the Good God. Write a letter to your uncle and then burn it does help with the healing process to start with.
Ok first up I hope you know none of this is your fault, telling someone is the absolute hardest thing to do specially to family members, but if you don’t say anything things are going to get worse, what I suggest isn’t going to be easy either but it will help… talk to your husband tell him what happened because somewhere down the road it may tear you both apart without knowing it, Hopefully he’s a strong man and a good man that will be there for you again it won’t be easy…if he’s got your back great with his help and support you can tell your mother, she may not like hearing it but in telling her first you come to terms with it, it will no longer eat you inside, this is what it is doing without you realizing it, you’ve tortured yourself long enough by keeping silent it’s time to take that burden off your shoulders… if you’re family is as close as you say in time they will be there for you, you need to start healing… Best of luck
You have been through enough and it’s time to quit worrying about how you make others feel. This is YOUR life. You control the toxicity level. If you want to share that with family then do so. Those who don’t stand by you do not deserve you. Good luck.
You need to tell them. If, they’re good parents, they will side with you and support you. I had the same fear of being rejected.