My SO and I have been together for about a year and a half. We are planning to get engaged soon. We have lived together for the past year. Before we lived together, he was staying with his mom temporarily. He’s grown 22 year old sister also still lives at home. Here is my question I would like advice on. In my opinion, SO’s mother and sister depend on him entirely too much. Now before I go further, I definitely believe you should step in to help your parents if they need help. (Mom is middle-aged, not elderly.) His dad passed away three years ago. Since he and I have lived together, I’ve noticed they depend on him for EVERYTHING around the home. From taking care of yard work to home maintenance, to even minor things like hanging pictures on the wall. They won’t even make an attempt to do any of it, even though they are fully capable. There is a lot of major work needed to do the house, and they fully expect him to take care of it physically, doing the labor and pay for it. There have been many times he had to bail mom out and catch up on her car or house payment. I’ll also mention So’s sister almost seems almost jealous of our relationship. She constantly seeks his attention and acts like a child when I’m around, horse playing like they are still kids. He’s 30 years old. It got to the point it made me uncomfortable because she was always stand-offish with me and ignored me half the time. I brought this up to him, and I guess he talked to her because it seems like it has gotten better. I also owned my own home before we got together, and we have started doing repairs on my home; for example, we recently built a porch. His mom and sister act like they get an attitude when he does things for OUR home when there are major things needed at theirs. I don’t know how to handle this, especially with us planning to get married in a year. I hate feeling this way because I know eventually it will drive a wedge and cause problems all the way around. How do I discuss this with him delicately that in order for us to move forward with our lives, his mom and sister need to stop being a burden and not depend on him for everything financially and otherwise?
I think it’s hard for families who are dependent on the husband/father to cope when that person dies. They’ve probably never had to do simple things like hanging pictures. Maybe his dad was the one who did all of those things you’re describing. Makes sense they’d lean on your husband. He’s the “man of the house” so to speak.
I get your point, but instead of complaining why don’t you work to solve the issue? Teach them. My husband had to teach me almost everything about cars, bills, taxes, repairs, whatever. I was never taught that (most women aren’t).
Never hurts to offer to teach them how to be more independent from your husband.
I lost my mom so I can understand where you they are coming from but also do understand where you are coming from too. My dad and sister can not move past my mother’s death and it will be 3 years in November. Dad/husband dying and son/brother leaving and starting a new family they could feel abandoned or forgotten… Why not try to take his sister to lunch or to get her nails done try to befriend her. Be the adult she is grieving.
Show him this post…be honest with him about how you feel. If things don’t improve after a few months it may be time to rethink your plans if his mother and sister aren’t willing to let go a bit and if he’s not willing to have some boundries. Discussing it with him, he may see your point of view as you’ll be his wife and one day maybe the mother of his children. Codependency isn’t healthy.
They were together & have more history with him than you ever will. You’re not going to change things without them all resenting you. As the saying goes when you marry into a family you marry the family. You have to think long & hard before you get engaged. Do you want to deal with this forever? Or do you want them resenting you? A MIL can make life hell if you mess with her relationship with her child. Js
Does your SO mind doing these things for them? If he doesn’t, let it go. If he does, tell him to grow a backbone and say no.
He just being a man.
You wouldn’t have made this long of a post if it was the other way around
Step into your SO’s shoes and u will get your answer
Go to the book store and buy the book “ Boundaries “ . Both of you read it ASAP
Maybe make everything a family project with all hands on deck so everyone learns how to do everything and gets out of their dependent rut. Do you help your man work on your house?
See if you can enroll them in a personal finance/budgeting course so they can better handle their expenses and learn about investing for the future. This way with luck you won’t need to bail them out again. Maybe have hubs approach them about moving to a less expensive place so they can have more of a financial cushion. This would be a project over several years as they’re already still reeling from what sounds like a premature death, so tread gently and slowly.
Or sign them up for homeowner repair/maintenance classes with the county, schools, or Home Depot or Lowe’s. Take it with them so they don’t feel singled out, and encourage them to have a “Girl Power” attitude. Make friends in the class so you can all help each other out. Add wine and pizza and make home improvements a party! Watch home improvement shows with women doing the work as encouragement.
Talk with them about what they think they would do if your fiancé weren’t available, either because you move away, are consumed with work or baby, or—god forbid—he becomes disabled. Have them start a list of other friends and family (and those friends from classes) who could help out, and recommended paid professionals who could do things for them. Maybe when they see how much handypersons cost, they will learn to do things for themselves.
When they do pick up a hammer, paintbrush, or screwdriver, make sure you encouragingly teach them how to do the job right, and be lavish with praise for their efforts and results. Hopefully they will derive enough pride and sense of independence and accomplishment from these little tasks that it will be enough reward for them to continue to learn, grow, and take care of themselves.
Introduce them to other independent women, and encourage them to socialize (when safe) and learn new fun stuff too to get them out of their isolation and grief. How about kayaking, learning ballroom dance, volunteering at a park, participating in church/religious institution activities? Coaching girls in a sport they like?
Sorry, husbands and wifes aren’t always forever, and it’s rare if it is. Sisters, mothers, brothers, fathers are. I get families have toxicity in it. That has to be up to you how to deal with it. His mom and sister were mostly extremely dependent on the father and now that the father has passed, they shifted to him. If this is coming up only a 1½ years in, might as well walk away now. Better now then 10 years from now with kids involved. I know my SO’s mother has an opinion of me. Out of respect I leave it alone. I don’t communicate with her as I have her blocked on Facebook. If she tries something while in front of me, I’ll tell her. That’s just my opinion.
I’ve always wondered if the “fan” who asks these questions actually read this answers…
I would just tell him that you want to build a relationship with him but you believe that theres a fine line between helping and doing alittle too much and you think that eventually if it doesnt stop that its going to cause issues in the relationship and you dont know if you want to deal with it but you love him.also financially,idk if you all share accts,but also say kindly its not my job to support your family.
And tell him you dont wamt him to choose,but to at least make an effort and put a stop to it.
One thing is helping but to an extent… he can’t be paying car and house payments all the time… but let me say if he is Hispanic it will never stop… I say this because I totally get it
I horseplay with my siblings and I’m nearly 40. That’s nothing childish about that. Siblings who are close still act like kids around each other. Be thankful your man has that kind of bond with his siblings and mother. Nothing wrong with the man in the family to take care of house things. I’m grown and I still go to parents who are capable & clean something, fix something and cook something. We have that relationship. We are close.
I would be ok with him helping them with the more physical things but financially no. If they were in a position to need financial help every now and then that’s one thing but to have to catch up house payments etc, no. His sister needs to get a job and help in that area if she lives there. Just tell him how u feel but try to do go about it in an understanding way, then address the concerns
Some people just aren’t compatible because they don’t value the same things.
His dad passed away 3 years ago. Just because you think that’s enough time for grieving, doesn’t mean that either he, his mom, or his sister, have to agree with you.
You will never be able to do anything to change the family dynamic in a positive way. Some families are close, and they always have a reason for that closeness.
All you can do is decide for yourself if you can handle being with a man that values his mom and sister to that point.
You’ve only been with him for a year. You should be grateful that he’s being a man and taking care of his family. My husband helped clean his dad’s garage while I was at work. When I got off, I’d drive across town to go help until about 10. Then we’d go home and eat dinner together. I would never tell my husband to stop being there for his family. Just like he wouldn’t tell me to not be there for mine.
Sounds like he is stepping up to be the man of the house and you’re upset that he helps them a lot which is understandable i would say tell him not to help 25/8 like with small task like hanging pictures etc. and paying stuff for them all the time.
but yard work? Definitely shouldn’t be an issue with him helping, that seems like you have an issue, as far as him and his sister playing around you telling him that he has to stop horse playing with HIS sister is pretty messed up. Theirs siblings she’s allowed to horse play with him when he comes around. You sound a little controlling with that aspect. I don’t agree she should be rude to you and I’m glad that got better but you have no right to tell a brother and sister how to interact.
Kinda sounds like you’re making him choose between him and his family. Idk sis 
good luck
I would just say, it’s time for your mom and sister to try and do things for their own home. I would also say that they can pay for work to be done on their OWN home. That’s a little nuts that he’s the son and paying for multiple things. Hang in there!
My older brothers do anything and everything if our mom needs something, I mean that IS our mom… and I’m 26 and my oldest brother is early 30s, we still kid around and I think that’s completely normal. Now, them having any attitude when you do stuff for your own house would bug me but that way I see it is if you’re marrying him then you’re marrying them so I’d voice your thoughts/feelings. He definitely doesn’t need to be footing the bill though, thats kinda weird
I can understand the financial part but him taking care of the typical(“man chores”) is petty.
You are expecting him to stop helping his mom(who became a widow 3 yrs ago) and his sister for what because you do these things?
You are being selfish and petty. Be proud that you have a man that loves and respects the women in his family.
I don’t know if your religious but there is a quote in the Bible about this. The covenant between Adam and Eve is summarized in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Even if you’re not religious, sometimes it’s nice hearing relatable subjects. Of course I’m all for helping your parents when they can no longer help themselves. But it doesn’t seem to be that issue.
I would just say we have to talk to your family yeah he can help with building the stuff but I would tell him it bothers you that he has to pay for it along with the car and house payment they can do the rest like pay for the stuff and he can do but they can do the hanging up pictures and small stuff like that and they shouldn’t get mad at y’all for y’all remodeling a house together y’all are together
And if he has a problem just call off the engagement to think stuff over
He should be understanding
For horse playing other siblings continued do it unless they can’t do it physically I’m 21 and still horseplay with my siblings
Just leave. Even if you give him the option to choose I don’t see how that wouldn’t cause resentment. You’re fundamentally different on how you view family. Spare everyone the struggle and find someone who sees it like you.
Sounds like when you marry him, you’ll also be supporting $$$ mom-in-law and sister-in-law.
Me and my brothers play around with each other all the time. My parents live in a different state and us kids make sure to have a list waiting or we ask our parents what they need done so we can do it or help them do it when we visit. I would say let the horse play be they are just being siblings and when it comes to the work maybe see if its because they dont know how and teach them maybe?
With all the issues you’ve named, from laughing and horse playing, to assisting with yard work and hanging pics…since you seem so upset…tho he just built you a deck on YOUR home…doesn’t sound like you are the fit for him.
That’s his mom and sister and quite honestly, you seem like the jealous one…one day he won’t have his mom to help…leave him and his fam alone.
That’s a touchy subject. I would just simply lay it all out. I mean helping around the house is one thing but having to pay car payments is a whole other story. If you’re only a year and a half into the relationship then I would def talk about it and lay it all out. I get their father passed away but if y’all are planning a life together you can’t be expected to pay for everything got them and yourselves.
afraid its not your business he is close to his family u have only been around for a year just leave it be no point causing conflict wot about your family r u close to them
It would bother me too that they seem so helpless…
Lol you sound super entitled. They’re grieving and maybe he looks a lot like the dad. Ya know maybe they also miss him being there because it’s now only the two of them. You need to be more considerate. Also you’ve only been together for a year and the one year, you two have been living together? Sounds to me like you just don’t really know this family as well as you may think. Find another man.
Only thing I see wrong here is them expecting him to lay for THEIR house needs and house/car payments. Other that that, he’s being a man and helping his family when needed.
You have to learn to understand. The MAN of the house passed away 3 years ago. They probably depended on him for EVERYTHING and now that is passed down to the son! Thats THEIR family dynamic. You want to be apart of that family you adjust to their dynamic.
Y not just mind yo business…he has no problem with it. He is not complaining and see no issue…so until he says it’s a problem, then just hush. Not gonna do anything but cause a fight and tension
I feel like he became the man of the house since his father passed away. I would be thankful that they are close & I wouldn’t see anything wrong with them asking him to do things and the sister probably sees him as her protector. I do agree that he shouldn’t pay their bills however is there some sort of arrangement? The thing is that you guys are just bf & gf so really until you’re actually married or even engaged you’re not really even his family. With his father being gone I’m sure family is that much more important to him. Not even one is raised the same or is close to their family so from the outside it seems wrong or off. I would just sit him down and say moving forward once we’re married these are my expectations and go from there
Girl get out now, save yourself the stress and the heartache. You already have the answer for yourself because you already have feelings about the “family dynamic relationship” Not your fault by any means. Your entitled to feel and voice your feelings. End it now an go find your way. Sounds like you do for yourself just keep doing for you.
These comments are horrendous…and not helpful. 
Traditionally if dad passes away , Son steps up and becomes the man of the house. You always take care of your family. At the same time when man and woman join together in marriage the man leaves home and he and wife become one.
It is noted that you should take time for yourself. As a couple. And then family time. Some times he will fix their house and other times fix yalls. And if anything youtube how to fix your house and feel empowered lol
You don’t. Let him see it for himself. Quit getting jealous because he takes care and loves his family. Just because you’re with him doesn’t mean you control his life and whose around. If he gets tired of it he will eventually see for himself that he’s tired of it and do something about it.
Stop being so jealous!
Yeah I’m torn on this. Financially he shouldn’t be doing anything
My partner has got a close relationship with his mum and sister I love having a man who respects his family. Its pretty messed up that your telling him to stop horse playing with his sister their siblings its what they do! The home truth is you sound like the jealous one you cant handle how close he is to his family. Out of respect for him and his family you may need to walk away as you can never change how close they all are and if you do make him stop he will only resent for you it. Ive got a completely different family dynamic to my partner he has a pretty close family compared to me where my family is more distant but I would never ever make my partner choose between his family and me. If his mum or sister needs help with anything you bet I will tell him to go and help☝️
I have always used all the thumb if you see your son be good to his mama then he will be good to you, if you have a son that’s willing to walk away from his mama, that could be you one day just remember that. Don’t be a Megan
As someone who lost her dad 2.5 years ago I have to say I am the oldest and I do everything I can do help my mother and my sister who still stays there. My SO does everything he can to make sure he can help as well and we have a family. Two boys at home. My brother is a few years younger than me and has a SO as well and he does everything he can to help my mom. Work around the house. Move stuff she cant. And anything she asks. And his gf gets jealous of it yes but until you know what it is like to loss a parent so young and who did everything and made the money and did the work around you will have no idea what it is like. I am sorry that you feel like hes doing more for them then you but they just lost there dad/husband 3 years ago. I lost mine 2.5 years ago. Feels like last month I was just at his funeral. I can remember every detail and what was going on. And it doesnt go away. The grief doesnt just stop. It takes time. They are leaning on who they feel comfortable with.
This is a hard one! My ex husband’s mom, was a piece of work. We both did a LOT for her. That said, I bitch at women all the time. Fall in love with the man he is, not the man you think you can turn him into. If this is who he is, and he’s happy with it, you have no right at all, to ask him to change to make you happy. I don’t agree with him making car payments, etc., but I probably wouldn’t get into a marriage with that kind of financial commitment over him. Does what he spends affect y’all? If not, his money, his business.
I feel like I wrote this. 
I can’t imagine being mad at my spouse for helping his family. I think that’s absolutely wonderful.
If dad died 3 years ago, he must’ve been young…theres just the 3 of them? He’s the son…they lost a significant part of the family and he stepped in and is doing 2 roles. He probably doesn’t realize it and neither do they. If you interfere you’ll be hated. They need to see this for themselves and it will cause a little more grieving when they do.
This is so eerily similar to mine and my ex fiancé’s relationship. Only it was his whole family not just his mom and sister.
I ended up leaving him.
Planning to get married than he needs to step up to his family and start putting you before them. Yes helping around the house maybe once a week is good. But anymore than that no. But in fairness, the husband did pass so they are still lost. But he needs to start showing them how to do things. And he needs to explain that he is starting his own family in his own house that that needs to come 1st. He can balance both. But he has to out his foot down eventually. A son should help his mom out but not to the point he is neglecting his own home and family. That’s where the 1-2 times a week comes in. He will still be there to help but showing them how to do it on their own.
Nope, I can tell you from experience this may never change. 11 years later and with the “man” of the house alive and well my m.i.l, f.i.l. and 27 year old s.i.l (who is also married and has an infant, all under one roof) think it’s ok to take, take, take. I have talked to my hubby and we’ve made progress only to go way back further each time. My mom just passed away and ask me how much they as a whole pitched in. Yep, you guessed it! Zero dollars and zero cents! I told my hubby that not only was I sick of their greediness and poverty mind set (not poor they just always love to pretend to get ANYONE to pay their way) but I was also sick of how differently they treat our oldest from my youngest (both his! One looks like me, the other like his dad.) It’s not like it lost my puppy or hamster…my MOTHER PASSED AWAY so if they won’t donate now…then when? He said you know how they are. I finally got sick of it and confronted them, they acted like victims, as always and I gave them the boot from our lives. It took my mom passing for me to put my foot down. Talk to him as sincerely as possible and hope and pray he gets it. My hubby respects my decision because he sees how much we’ve invested to be treated like less than their lazy daughter. If your S.O. does not support you, you are a independent woman and don’t need that garbage in your life. Like you said, the woman is not elderly, she’s got hands and feet and her daughter too as well as youth🙄 Hope all goes well with him.
That’s HIS MOTHER! He can have a relationship with his family…and you. Sounds like you are a controlling person and he can ONLY do for you. How will it be when you have a kid… Will you also be jealous of the attention he shares to them? Sounds like you legitly have ALOT of growing up to do.
Sounds to me like instead of joining this family, you have put yourself into competition. Step back and realize that YOU are jealous of their closeness, and you are seeking to destroy it. And…they know it.
I am a Mom of four adult children. Two are married with children, another one is in year four of his relationship, and the last is one year in. Not a single one of the add on items [as I affectionately call the spouses] will tell you they did not feel the same way as you at some point. One wife even tried her hardest to do as you are wanting to do. Put a stop to what she referred to as a codependency. She failed. He left her. We are close. I raised my children to be each others best friends. And to respect their parental bond. We vacation together every year as a family, and all kids [still close to home] congregate at our family home EVERY Saturday. Any major projects being done at home, from painting, to yard work are done by ALL still. This is their family home, where they grew up, why would they NOT want to keep it nice ?? And yes, if we fall on a hard patch [rarely] our kids help us financially. Why not ?? We do the same for them [we have helped with car purchases, home purchases, college, new babies, etc]. When one person moves, we ALL help. When one person has a problem, ANY problem, we ALL help. We have an open family group chat. We have a family motto, there are no secrets in the family. And there aren’t. Everyone goes to the person they feel most comfortable with a problem, knowing THEY will bring the rest on board at some point. We are ONE unit. Join in it, or leave. Period.
That being said, we LOVE our add ins like our own once they DO join in. They gain a family like no other. They have a whole support system at their fingertips, and they know with a team like this behind them they will never fail. They will never lose. And…I should add this…My husbands father died when he was VERY young. I knew that because of this, his being her only son, his mother would be his, and in turn my responsibility for life as well…we fell on hard times once and lived in her home, and when SHE got older, She lived in mine. I bought my first home knowing it would happen, and I took care of her for 8 years there. Until she needed more medical care then we could give. Duty to your family seems to be a lost value, but trust me, they are vital and neccesary.
When a man leaves the house and starts a family with a woman, she, and that family, should come first. Not his parents and his sister. If he marries you he should understand that. Not saying he can’t do favors, but paying for their “house updates” is not his responsibility when he’s married. He has his own house and family to pay for. I really can’t believe some of these comments. 
he was the man of the house when his father passed. When he moved in with his woman, and got serious about the relationship, his energy and attention and priorities should change focus.
I’m torn on this too, it’s always wonderful to not forget the family you came from, but the family you’re making becomes your #1 priority 
You sound CONTROLLING AND JEALOUS. OF FRICKEN COURSE HES GOING TO HELP HIS OWN FAMILY WHEN THEY ASK…BECAUSE THEY ARE HIS FAMILY. GROW UP AND GET USED TO IT OR MOVE ON. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. WHY DO 8 TOTALLY GET 
THE FEELING THAT IT WOULDN’T BE A PROBLEM FOR HER IF IT WAS HER FAMILY THAT WAS NEEDING HELP .
Tag him in the post.
Sounds like a nightmare. I recommend moving far far away. Lol
You’ll need a babysitter someday…
He needs to have a discussion with them and if they can’t handle it then he has a choice to make. Family or future. I had to make the same decision and I chose my future
I have to chime in. I usually don’t! I am engaged to a man who helps his father non stop. And, I see no issues with it. We help with bills and money when needed. I even make his payments for him or make calls when he doesn’t understand. We’ve most recently been cleaning his home out so it can be painted and sold. Even tho it adds a little stress, I WISH MY DAD was here so we could do the same. But, no matter what. He always speaks to me, and asks if its ok if we do something. And, if its not. Then we reschedule it to a time that’s more convenient. Bottom line, I would never say NO. But, I do ask that it be scheduled to fit into our family schedule better.
Hope he is rich if hes going to be paying for 2 house holds.
Does he want to change the relationship with them? Some people are just close with their families, especially after the death of a parent or sibling.
You’re being selfish and you’re definitely not ready to be married. Grow up.
If he’s not setting boundaries now, a marriage license won’t change it. She has to decide if that’s something she’s willing to tolerate. Otherwise, move on.
I stopped at “grown 22 year old” 22 year olds are not grown
Run! Marriage will only make it worse. It’s one thing to help your family-it’s another to take advantage. A 22 year old should be able to take care of yard work etc. and his mom is old enough to pay her own bills too. It’s great they are close but are the only close when they need something?
Oof.
I don’t think you sound controlling or jealous. You sound concerned and rightfully so. If you are going to potentially marry someone, you need to be able to have a relationship independent of others and prioritize your time together. It seems like there’s a lot of codependency coming from his family and it may very well be that he stepped in when the father passed. Which is understandable. Ultimately though, it’s up to him to pipe up and say, hey why don’t I show you how to hang this thing or ask them to see about having someone help with things if they are physically unable. Everyone involved is an adult and needs to be able to stand on their own two feet. What if you do have a child? I say have a conversation with him and see how he feels. He seems like a nice dude, but maybe settling down isn’t in the cards right now. Better to identify issues sooner than later. Good luck 
Humm this is very common in families where the only male present is the son . Especially if dad past away . Would you feel better if he abandon them . Y’all not married yet so I would have a conversation about what y’all marriage would like and prioritizes . What culture is he from I find this very common with foreigner . But yea I say talk to him about your expectation as a wife someday and see what he says .
It won’t change until either one of them get a man of thier own and that man I’d also capable of doing such things. If the father passed he became the man of the house and so they depends of that and I agree too much but he has to draw a line himself
Girl his dad died and he’s the only man left. That’s family. I question anyone who has issues with their significant other help take care of their own family.
Im 28 and my brother is 23, he is my best friend and we still horse around and aggravate the hell out of each other… We depend on each other and hang out all the time. Nothing weird about siblings being close
Leave that poor man alone. he deserves better
You’re pointing fingers at everyone but yourself you sound so immature. To me it seems like he takes care of his family and that’s what a grown man does. Would it put a smile on your face if he just abandoned them for you?
Nothing wrong with him being there for his family.
I used to always bend over backwards for everyone else. Watching kids, filling fridges, giving rides, paying for people who couldn’t afford to go out so they could have a break, all kinds of stuff. Then I had my kids and got diagnosed with endometriosis and fibriomyalga shortly after. Pretty much crickets from the peanut gallery. I have 1 family member who takes my kids once a year, one brother that has been a huge help the couple times i have been desperate enough to call him and a couple good friends whom I have met after my diagnosis. It makes me so sad. I thought i was building a village so my kids would have a really good one and they barely have anyone. Take care of you and your house first because nobody else will. Only do for others what they would do for you and it doesn’t sound like they would do for him.
He needs to start telling them “no” at least for a few little things. This is completely on him and it will be difficult for him. He has to figure out where the line is drawn. I love that he helps. But if helping them gets in the way of helping build his own life he needs tonsay not right now, maybe another time or just I don’t think I can help at the moment. They will have to figure it out on their own. They are going to dispise you, but you know what. That’s for them to sort out. He has to talk to them so they understand that he loves them very much but he can’t drop everything for them if its just hanging a picture. Now if there’s something they do need for sure likena ride to the doctor. Perhaps during one of the times you both can help you go with and help too. Show them you’re a team and you’re doing this together. Might break some ice a little. But he has to find a balance. Take care honey. I’m sure he’ll figure it out. Its trial and error. Just brain storm some ideas together.
Yes his new family should be priority. Don’t forget where you came from and help some but it sounds like they are kinda lazy and used to not having to do it themselves.
My man used to bend over backwards for friends and family and even lied to me about it it caused major issues in our relationship and even set us back financially our goals we are working on it all now but have set limits and boundaries or else we won’t be able to finish our goals I felt as if his family used him and it took us being in a situation of needing help and not getting it for him to realize they always need his help and want his help but when he needed help we was told not to even ask them even though we weren’t gonna ask them and it was a real eye opener for him. Plus I’m not gonna have a kid with him if he always paying for his family and we struggling to take care of ours (I struggled with my daughter from a previous relationship and im not gonna do like that again)
ONE THINK OF YOUR SELF AND HIM
1.FORGET THE engagement.( let him buy the ring now)
2. This is your home have a beautiful small wedding.
3.if he loves u he Will marry ASAP
4 wants u are married u now will have the right to be NUMERO UNO .
5.WHY WAIT ITS JUST S PAPER.
6 WISH U LUCK OR MONKEYS ON YOUR SHOULDER.
.
2.
3 years is still fresh for his mother to have lost her husband. She probably feels alone and family is suppose to be there for each other. I don’t understand why families now a days are not united. It’s much more beautiful to get along and be together as a family. My son visits me several times a week and if not he calls me. I am blessed. One day you will want your kids to do the same with you remember that.
That’s his mother. He should help when he can. Geez people. That’s his mother not some random chick asking for help.
Everyone relies on my husband and I for pretty much anything… It’s annoying sometimes and we really don’t want to do it… But we love to help. I couldn’t be mad at my husband for helping either of our families.
Let him know-how you feel about it?
Then tell him lets make a scenario and see how your family reacts.
Like we need help doing such project and we need you guys to help. Sometimes it take you exposing them for him to realize.
Or have him tell them that he would help if they put hands-on deck…hey, Buy the items and they help him so next time they could do it themselves.
Trust me they will decline and he will see they are just depended on him
Family is family. My mother relays on me the same way since my father passed away. I will always do what I can to help my mother out. Which anyone should for their parent that raised them. I also have an older sister but she won’t ever help our mother out. My parents didn’t have any sons. Just us girls. Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I don’t know how to fix things, build things, cut the grass, etc. I know all I do because of my mother raising me to never have to relay on anyone to do it. My mom shouldn’t have to be paying some stranger to do things that I’m more then capable of doing for her. Especially, since that stranger can screw her over and not fix it the right way. The parent doesn’t have to be elderly or disabled for their adult child to help out when they can. I had ex’s that hated me for helping my mom out. One of the reasons they are ex’s. If you can’t accept him for wanting to help his mother then find someone else that doesn’t do that but I will tell you this if a man does that for his mother he was raised right and will be an amazing father one day. You either have to accept it or leave him be. He shouldn’t have to chose a girlfriend over his mother. It’s his mother.
My SO does a lot for his Mom & sister always has, always will! I don’t understand why you have an issue with him as I’m sure he was taking care of things for them when you 2 first got together. Now after a year you expect him to change? Not right at all!
Well you should definitely tell him how you feel about everything. And then I guess see what he does after. If he decides to put you guys first or continues the way things are, that will give you an answer to whats his priority. And then you decide if thats something you want to live with for the rest of your life.
Agree w above, I had a similar situation where he never considered me his first family, and listened and did everything by their advice. I will tell you when a guy has only mother and sister to listen to, it is very hard. I never felt like he was putting me and our daughter first, we came last. Don’t get married until this gets resolved if it does.
Be a part of his team. If you love him join him. But you both will still need to talk and have your boundaries.
I understand been there I had to end it with him
Blood is blood, his family was there before you. You do not like it, do not be with him. Nit picky you are.
Tell him straight up
Tag him in this. The same way u told us, tell him and then he needs to tell his family. Dont u marry this man if he refuses to put u 1st. The family he came from is important but the one he is creating is his priority.
It sounds like it’s already a wedge. He was the man of that house when he lived there and they still consider him as such. Fact is he will always be their son and brother and you may not always be the girlfriend/wife. If he isn’t willing to put you first now don’t expect it to be any different if your status changes. You should definitely voice your opinion, just tell him how you feel straight out. If there’s no change then you need to either decide to live with it or let him go.
The purpose of dating is to see if you two are a good match. If you like what is going on then great, if not then get a new guy who doesn’t do this. He isn’t going to change, his family isn’t going to change and you aren’t going to change your mind about it… If you do go ahead and marry him then keep your mouth shut about this, you see it, you recognize it as something you don’t like and then you move forward as if you don’t see it. Not smart.
Don’t be an outsider and join in on those relationships. Build your own with them and it will eventually balance out. As someone who has all sons and brothers, it won’t change until they know you and trust you. Which, in part, comes from your willingness to join (figure out what they like or what you have in common and do it, like cooking, yard saling, etc.) in and let them know that you don’t hate them. He is one of their people along with everything everyone else said and they will utilize him to figure out their new normal as they heal. Helping however, is one thing, financially paying for things like you described is another. I would definitely set some boundaries on their expectations. What he does for them should be a gift not an obligation. That is the part that will eventually cause resentment IMO.
It’s his family and chances are you won’t be there forever.
Men are not a project for you to fix. If he has issues with his family he would address it. Bring it up to him. Tell him you want to know what to expect when you are a couple. If he is unwilling to change decide if you can live with it.
I think they in laws and be tricky. It almost sounds like they are used to having him so to speak and are unsure what to do with him being in a relationship. I mean I get that him being the son they need help with big projects, but hanging a picture. The sister can do that. So yes I think that you should try to get to know the mom and sister because I do agree, they can make your life hell if you dont get along. But it will also cause trouble between you and the guy. And you have to decide whats more important. But on the flipside, he has to decide is he going to let them treat you that way? You are a person too.