How can I talk to my son about something I caught him doing?

Hey moms, so I am lost as to what to do. I am a single mom of 2 boys. This morning I caught my eight-year-old son humping a pillow. I didn’t get mad; I just told him we would talk about it later. I understand it’s natural and that kids are curious. I know I will go through the same thing with my 5-year-old as well. I want to know what I should say to him. I don’t want to say something that will make him feel guilty. Please don’t judge doing this by myself, and it’s not easy.

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There is nothing to talk to him about except he needs to do it in his bedroom. He has every right to pleasure himself. Making him feel completely comfortable about that is something that is very important to his development. “I understand that touching your body in certain ways feels good. You just have to do those things in private the same way you take baths in private or use the bathroom in private.” People who receive different messages about their bodies from parents can suffer significant mental scarring.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I talk to my son about something I caught him doing?

That it’s natural and if he has urges he should use the bathroom

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Just ask him what he was doing. Has he gone somewhere too this kind of behavier.

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Teach him about privacy, locked door etc

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If he was in his room, let it be. Knock first. If he was in a common room, discuss privacy, private parts and suggest bathroom or his bedroom. You can use this as a time to reinforce that he should be the only person touching him there.

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My sister has two boys. She told them it was natural & close the door…

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Tell him it’s normal to have these urges and to make sure he does it on his own in his room privately.

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Im a teacher and ive seen it all and honestly u just talk to him on his body dont shame just talk and just say there are changes in ur body but honestly its a natural thing

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Thats normal however he needs to know that happens in the privacy of his room alone.

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Tell him it’s natural and feels good but that it is a private thing and he can go in his room and close the door. And he is not to do it with pantone abd no one is to do it to him. Then just leave it at that.

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Boys do that. Just explain to him that you don’t like seeing that sort of thing.

Was he in his room or doing it publicly?

My son is a lot older but I was sure to tell him that his feelings are completely natural and it’s ok to do in private. Again my son is older 15. Hard to know what exactly to say to an 8 year old boy. That’s very young.

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Mine humps his cars but does it in his room it’s awkward and he’s autistic so I’m not looking forward to teenage years

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For everyone saying “ he has gotten this behavior somewhere” it’s literally natural and there is such thing as the Internet and pretty well kids can catch this type of stuff on the Internet, TV shows, etc. it’s not necessarily “someone showing him” in every case. Kids are SMART and nosey.

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Tell him it’s something he does in private. I’m glad you didn’t make him feel bad about doing. Great job mama

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I raised 4 boys and all these answers. :heart: totally normal

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My son would lay a huge Elmo or pillow on top of him. Also my daughter used to “ride” the arm of a couch or chair. When I asked their dr about it. Because I honestly thought they may have been messed with at some point She says it feels good to them. She told me not to react or do anything. If they do it where others can see, to explain to them this is something that is done on private.

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Sounds like you need to have the talk with him…It sounds stupid and weird but let him be, dont discourage him from being himself and doing it if he wants to but in the privacy of his room and when others arent looking

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When my daughter started going through something similar, I just told her that that’s something she needs to do in private and not around others :woman_shrugging:t2::joy:

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I agree with Jami Zappone, I too am a sole parent (single mother) I spoke with a male friend about the situation when I caught my son (then 8 at the time) masturbating. My friend said that it is natural for a boy to explore his body & to NOT shame him but let him know that doing that kind of thing should be behind his closed bedroom door & that he will gradually get over doing it when he finds a girlfriend or boyfriend

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Just sit him down and tell him the truth and ask him if he has questions

My daughter did that—they outgrow it. It’s part of growing up!! Don’t worry about it.

Don’t say anything. It’s natural.

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Show him this. A man’s perspective on masturbation for young boys. Weeds - The Masturbation Talk - YouTube

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It just feels good to them… that’s all they know. Just tell him it’s something done in private (if it was out in the open) and leave it at that.

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Why would you get mad about your child masturbating exactly?? I would apologize for breaching his privacy (if that’s what happened) and reinforce that self-pleasure is something that is personal and should be done privately. It’s even okay to tell your kids that it’s something that a lot of people feel embarrassed about and that you’re not sure how to talk to him about it, but you’re there if he has questions and that you’ll do your best.

Good luck to you. <3

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I have two boys myself … one is 22 and the other is 15. We have always had very open conversations about sex. It started when they were your sons age . My oldest started puberty at 9 . It is never to early for the talk.

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If he was in his room, away from others, than just tell him to make sure he does those things in his room when he alone. All my kids have been curious and touched themselves and other things and I just tell them do it by themselves in private. That way, they don’t think it’s bad, they aren’t shamed for natural body reactions, etc.

It’s a natural behavior. Just tell him that it’s something that he needs to do in private and leave it at that.

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I wouldn’t say anything unless he does it in an area of the house other people can see him.

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Don’t stop him from doing it cuz it is normal just let him know he needs to be in the bedroom by himself and not around his sibling this is stuff to do in private cuz I got three boys that are always wanting to pull out their pee pees and pull on them and tug them and touch them and I’ve been teaching them you want to play with yourself go to the bathroom by yourself and not with your brothers lol boys man!

Maybe just say that’s something we do in private. :grin: it’s natural. :sparkling_heart:

Start with where did y’all u see/ learn this b havior?

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It did not sound like masturbation to me. Yeah ive had two boys

Lol, when my son was 11 months old he humped a duvet. It was funny. I have the video somewhere. IMO nothing wrong with it, especially when your 8 year old could be about to hit puberty possibly :thinking:

I explained to my son it’s something he did in the privacy of his own room.
And something he did alone til he was an adult. No one was allowed to do it with/ for him til he was an adult and only he would touch his bits. I got him to dry himself as soon as he was able to too. (I was a child brought up in care so over protective)

His doc did a checkup and told him to drop his pants. And did the checks and asked him to cough. He wasnt impressed and told the doctor off to touching him there. His dad had say that it’s ok.

He was 8 when wanted know bout condoms etc. I got dad to explain. Than next day he asked me if dad wore them. Coz he wanted baby brother or sis.

They all do it. Just at different times and rates. Dont make it aqward for them. Just natural and privately done.

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Unless it’s in public, it’s none of your business. Masturbation is healthy and normal. It just feels good to him. There is nothing to talk about unless it wasn’t in a private space and then that’s all you need to say

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He is a boy let him be.

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Never make a boy feel bad of discovery they learn from this how their buddy works. It is normal no need to make it bad

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I would just say that he needs to do that in the privacy of his room. No big deal.

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I just told mine it’s completely normal but always make sure its done in private and any questions he can ask me anything

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I would say that it’s a normal feeling. It’s a sex feeling. It’s something you don’t want to do in public and they shouldn’t be exploring with anyone else until they’re grown. It’s okay to touch yourself. It’s never okay to touch someone else. It’s never okay for another person to touch you until you are grown. If someone wants to give you these feelings in secret, or for you to give them these feelings in secret, it’s not okay, and they should tell you. And that you’re always open to talk, if they have questions about it.

Why would you talk about this online? I don’t understand people!

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All I would say is that it’s normal, and that semen emission may also be normal so just be aware of the possibility, don’t freak out, and please clean up after yourself as best you can if it happens lol.

My son has done this from the day he could roll over …no word of a lie, it’s much more aggressive now but we have not found a way to prevent the behaviour, there’s nothing wrong in it it just feels nice to them… it’s self soothing behaviour not sexual

I would just explain it’s normal but we do it in private. If you opened his door and walked in on him or something maybe institute a knocking rule so you don’t walk in on what you don’t want to see. Maybe get him a book on puberty so he’s prepared.

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If it was in his room no reason to be mad you walked into his privacy,
If it was out in the open I would explain that it is normal to feel the way he does but just do it in your room and I will make sure I will always knock

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I’d just tell him it’s ok to do things like that and other things that make him feel good, it’s just a private thing he does in his room with the door closed. You could also let him know it’s ok to explore his body if something feels good, but it’s not ok for anyone else to. We’ve made it clear only us (parents) or a dr/my mom (the only person who watches him) are allowed to touch his private business, and only to help him. We’ve been teaching him body autonomy since he was about 2. I’m not doing it alone, but as a two mom family it’s fun navigating boyhood. He’s 5 and I’m already :see_no_evil: puberty. :crazy_face:

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Ummmm u all are moms right?? U all are saying its natural and healthy are ridiculous… He’s 8. Where did he learn that from … Where did he see that at…

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When my daughter (also a child in care) was 5, she would lay in her bed an me touch herself. I told her it was ok but it was private and she should do it when mumma wasn’t in bed reading with her, but when I leave. I always tell my girls that their privates are special and if they wanted to “check them out” they should do it, privately, because it’s not other’s business to look/touch unless it’s a doctor making sure theyre healthy

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There is probably not an adolescent, or younger, or older that doesn’t get “the urge”. Don’t argue w Mother Nature! It’s a Natural event and Definitely don’t insult or make him ashamed of his behavior!! Explain He needs to be sure he does it in private!!!

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I would leave him. Don’t make him feel ashamed and he was doing it in private until you went in. Since you brought it up already hes probably already embarrassed. You could just understand its natural.

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Why do you need to talk to him? You know it’s natural. Just keep the line of communication open. Remind him if he has questions he can always ask.

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I’m not sure humping a pillow is masturbation exactly. Mom of 3 boys and I’ve never witnessed that aspect. When I started noticing my boys finding themselves we had the birds and bees talk. I was a single mom and weither it was right or wrong I felt those were signs of puberty and they needed to know what those feelings were. I found a movie on YouTube “The miracle of life” and we sat down together and watched it. The movie literal takes you through male and female anatomy, puberty of both, sex, and a woman giving birth. So that wY they would learn exactly why they had those urges and feelings and what they mean. Also so they didn’t have little Johnny at school telling them bs about sex like “you can’t get them pregnant the first time” :roll_eyes: I never belittled them or pryed, I explained that from that point on they were doing their own laundry bc I wasn’t putting my hands in anything from their bodies and that they needed to shut their doors. We don’t knock on unshut doors, but we do when they’re closed!

Just talk to him. Establish privacy rules. Ask him open ended questions just to be sure nothing is happening to him without suggesting it. If you’re worried you could also seek help of a counselor to help make sure nothing is happening to him, and also explain the “natural” urges and how to manage them privately. I wouldn’t necessarily say what he is doing is wrong or that something happened to him just based off this post alone. It sounds like he might be discovering that certain things feel good. It’s pretty natural for kids to explore their bodies.

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There is absolutely nothing to talk about. Addressing this will only attach shame and embarrassment to it…no matter how you word it. Not worth it.

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Been thru that already just tell them about feelings and what not to do

That’s a sign of child molestation or he was shown things he should not have seen

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Just explain that it’s perfectly natural, but explain the importance of privacy(keep it in his room or bathroom) and that he knows he can come to you for any questions.:v:
Good luck💙

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I would tell him that it is inappropriate to do things like that where people can see, but then you open the, “why” can of worms. Good luck, mine is now 13 and I had to have the, “no looking up portion during distance learning” speech with him. Can we just go back to playboy under the mattress?

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Just ask him if he had any questions about his body or feelings he may be having!

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Just explain to him that those kind of actions are done in prove meaning lock your door

It’s really normal behavior …unless he does it in public or does anything inapporiate with another kid…My grandson who is 6 was playing in his room came out …and his little peewee was sticking straight out :flushed::flushed: And he was so proud …He said look what I did Ninny…:grin::grin::flushed::flushed:…I just told him good for you now leave it alone…and he forgot all about it…Hes the third boy I have raised and dont stress Mama…just direct his attention in another direction…

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why would
you get mad? you said you didn’t but i am thinking you are thinking that you should have?
please educate yourself about sex talk
take some classes or read a book
facebook post is not ideal for such things at all!

Ummm nothing. Nothing at all. You walk out and say sorry for invading your privacy and leave him alone about it. No reason to shame him or make him feel embarrassed. It’s normal and natural and doesn’t mean he saw anything anywhere jfc

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Just tell him that’s something to do in private. Please don’t make a big deal out of it. He may feel shame if you do

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If he was doing this in the privacy of his own room then I wouldn’t say anything to him about it. If he was doing it in a common area, then I would just tell him that he needs to be appropriate when doing things like that and only do it in while in private by himself either in his bedroom or the bathroom. I definitely would not get mad or punish in any way for this. It’s perfectly normal to be exploring his own body and what feels good. However make sure to keep reminding him when and where it’s appropriate to do.

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I would only talk to him about his body and how it will change and make sure that he is in charge of his own body. No one else can touch him there (for now)

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Dont make a big deal out of it amd alienate him if you feel the need to say anything just tell him its natural but to keep that in his room and on his own time

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You need to explain that anything to do with his private parts are to be done in private. My son damn near got expelled this year from school and DCF was contacted by the school over him and his little friends slapping each other’s privates and butts as jokes. They said it was a sexual act since the privates were being touched. As far as him “humping” something I just tell my son it’s inappropriate in public. Even when it’s just little boys being boys​:roll_eyes::expressionless: best of luck

Just tell him ‘hey I know it’s a natural urge, so I’m not mad or anything I promise. Just…could you do it when no one is around? Privacy is important.’

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Nothing to talk about. It’s normal, just keep any and all lines of communication open if he ever has questions.

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Everyone does it, but it’s done in private. Might have to introduce knocking before entering.

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Those saying he’s a boy… leave him alone! This is where excuses are starting for their behaviour.

Yes he probably just likes the feeling and he probably seen it in a movie so it’s a normal thing to explore your own body at any age or gender but please don’t let “he is a boy” be an excuse for any behaviour

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I would just have said… what are you up to when you found him doing that. It’s his body, you can’t blame him for exploring it, surely that’s healthy. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. Just make sure the line of communication is open and keep conversations breezy… there is no reason for this to be a big deal at all…

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Very natural…talk calmly about changes ahead as he grows and matures…and remind him about socially acceptable behaviour and finding some privacy …

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I would tell him its completely normal to explore his own body and that it should only be done in a private place alone. Then obviously educate him on puberty and how much his body will change and that he can talk to you about anything

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Not easy when youre a mom bringing up boys alone. Personally id give him a sign for his door to use when he wants private time or agree if his door is closed you won’t enter without permission.
Keep it simple and make it clear you are always there to talk too about anything at all …maybe pick him up some literature from the dr or library so he can look and discuss anything he doesn’t understand …

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If he was doing it alone, in his room, in his private area of the home, then there is nothing to talk about he was doing it appropriately. Maybe you can explain that these feelings a perfectly normal and as long as he does that to himself alone in his private area of the home or in the shower than it’s perfectly okay. As long as it’s always ALONE. Emphasize ALONE so he will get the hint that he can not explore with anyone else and that no one else is allowed to touch him in that area.

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Definitely start knocking before going into his room now especially as he gets older it will be more than just humping. But dont shame him. Tell him its natural and if h has questions to not be afraid to ask. Maybe go buy him a book about puberty

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Hes a kid probably meant nothing to him! My 9 yr old does odd things…I ignore it or say want to do that in your room…he seems to think hes just exercising or doing what a music video did…
He says mommy most people dont exercise in their bedroom!! And stomped off

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Was he in his room in private? If yes, then you praise him for keeping it private & just let him know it’s something that is natural but needs to be kept private!

There’s nothing to talk about unless he’s doing it not in the privacy of his own room. But if he’s in the privacy of his own room and don’t say anything with the exception of maybe saying make sure you have your door shut because that’s a private thing

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Don’t make a big deal out of it.

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“Make sure you do that in the privacy of your own room with the door closed and sorry I didn’t knock first.” (If he was in his room and you didn’t knock.) What else is there really to say?

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He doesn’t know what masturbating or anything like that is (probably? I’m assuming here) he just knows that it feels good. I don’t have advice on what to say but that’s always something to keep in mind. Maybe talk to him about what it is and why he enjoys it? Explain it to him so he doesn’t feel ashamed or like what he did was unnatural. Just that sometimes people do that because it feels good and that he’s the only one allowed to touch himself like that, etc etc

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My boys are now 16 and about to turn 18 I’ve always told them that it’s there’s and they can do what they want with it as long as it’s in their room and not in my living room… Like everyone else is saying don’t make a big deal out of it and keep the line of communication open…

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Maybe he had to pee? If that’s the only "sexually"acting out he’s done i wouldn’t worry about it.

As a momma of a 9 year old: I’m not ready for this! :tired_face: I’m not ready for my baby to get older :sob:. But I give him plenty of space and knock on his fort/door before I come in. But it looks like you need to have the talk with him momma.

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I would make expectations clear about other people and body autonomy.

Uhm I’m sorry I’m confused. Was he being sexual? Or was he just playing around or imitating something he saw. It’s not a big deal either way. Of course you didn’t get mad, there’s nothing to get mad about. There’s really nothing to talk about either. Just let it be. If it happens again tell him that’s a big person thing to do in the privacy of their room and let it go.

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Maybe it would help you to read up on some literature yourself. What’s normal for their age group and how to respond appropriately.

Do it in his bedroom and clean up. That’s about it really

Is this something you even need to talk about? If he was doing it out in the open or other people, then you need to explain we only explore our body and sensation in private. If he WAS being private in his room, then you don’t need to address this; it’s normal development and making a big deal out of it could cause issues for him down the road. I have 2 boys- one is at the age (13) where I’m finding underwear under the bed. The only thing I said to him is: please put your underwear in the basket regardless. They need to go through the laundry. When he acted slightly sheepish, I reminded him it’s totally cool, but he needs to clean up after himself like he would any mess.

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Respect his privacy and he’ll respect yours.

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He has no idea that’s sexual… just tell him to stop it or go do it in his room. Done. (I have 3 boys- works!)

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Even little toddlers and kids do it…use to be the motto at the day care if the dogs a rocking dont come a knocking…if anything tell him to do stuff like in his private time

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