I need some advice. I have always been open with my four children about gay people, gay relationships, and the LGBTQ in general. I wanted to normalize all of it so they would be tolerant and not spread hate. So, from a young age, I always told them it was normal, and love is love. Recently my 11-year-old boy has come to me and told me he does not support gay people and never will because it’s weird and not okay. I don’t know how to respond to this. I don’t want to force him to be okay with it, but I also don’t ever want him to judge someone or come for them for who they love. I have always taught love is love, so I feel like he has learned this behavior from someone at school. How do I approach this?
In my opinion, kids shouldn’t even be thinking of these things. I have multiple gay people and gay marriages in my family. The children in my family had no idea that half their uncles were gay, they just loved them for who they were. I’ve also been a kid before and I remember feeling opposed to gay people only because I was worried someone might think I’m gay. Kids are learning constantly, everything is new to them, and they have their own feelings and they can easily get confused. Give your child time. My husband was raised in a small town and that gay people were horrible. He is one of the most sensitive and accepting people I know. Stop worrying
I would ask where he got that from and explain why it’s a very poor opinion to have. I’d then set about finding some positive examples of people he likes, loves or looks up to, who are gay to show him that there’s nothing wrong with it. Probably one of his friends at school has a bigot for a parent…
Ask him what’s unnatural about 2 people loving each other? It may seem strange at first, but no one should have to live in secrecy for being themselves. Plus, people are people. Our sexual orientation isn’t what defines us. Our morals, values and actions do.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I teach my son that being gay is normal and love is love?
You need to maybe introduce him to some amazing people that happen to be gay.
I say respect his choice. It’s his belief…that’s just my opinion. Teach him to accept those that are different but he doesnt have to agree with it or even be ok with it…but to fully accept someone who has different beliefs is what I would teach. It’s ok to not be ok with gay…but its not ok to be mean to people because of it.
Maybe start by asking why he feels the way he does. Let him know it’s okay to have his own opinions but that it’s not okay to be rude or judge others based on how they feel and their decisions. Teach him that it’s okay to disagree but to still be respectful.
Just because he doesn’t support it doesn’t mean he will be respectful…my daughter goes to a private Christian school and I’m not sure she understands the whole concept of gay,and straight and stuff but she tells me that she is to have a husband one day and her brother will have a wife one day…we also have gay friends and she is never mean or disrespectful about their decision, because at the end of the day she also knows it’s wrong to hate…and also wrong to judge …
He’s well within his right to not ‘‘like it’’. However, he doesn’t have a right to be disrespectful towards gay people. Teach him THAT difference.
Tell him he doesn’t have to like it, but he has to respect it. Because love is love just like you said.
Teach him to be an friend and that it’s okay he doesn’t feel that way about opposite gender but other people do.
Have an open and honest conversation (age appropriate of course) to ask why he thinks it is weird, what does he think it means to be gay and if it is something that makes him uncomfortable or what his feelings are. There could be more to it or he might have just heard from friends or classmates how it is weird or gross. Perhaps ask if he knows anyone who is gay (at school, activities, etc), if not, even if you show him famous people that are gay or friends of yours who are gay, show that they are not weird and shouldn’t be treated any differently.
Or you just respect his choice… as long as he doesn’t disrespect them or hurt them for being that way then its fine. Everyone doesn’t have to be ok with everything and thats fine
You let him have his own beliefs, but teach him to be respectful about it.
People are going to judge, regardless. Teach him to be a decent person to others no matter what they believe.
You need to stop forcing your approval of gays on your son. You have had your say in teaching him what you wanted and now he is old enough to form his own independent ideas on the matter. If you keep pushing you will push him totally away from you in this agenda. You think gay is ok fine but your son doesnt and that is ok also.
Just let him be and ask him to be respectful
It okay if he doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to be around them. Not all people want to see and be around stuff like that.
let him know he doesn’t have to like or support it but he will absolutely respect it not be a hateful person because that is unacceptable. that’s just my opinion personally… not everyone has to like or support that but my kids know they absolutely can not bully or spread hate for no reason. ask him how he would feel is gay people didn’t respect the fact he likes women and bullied him for it ? what if every time he wanted a girlfriend someone called him names and teased him or told him he’s weird for it ? if he wouldn’t want treated that way for who he loved then he shouldn’t be treating anyone any kind of way for who they love.
my husband i will use as an example… he doesn’t exactly “support” the idea of two guys being together BUT he doesn’t hate or treat them any kind of way for it. he has a few friends who aren’t straight and he still respects them the same as he does his straight friends he just doesn’t really like the idea of it or seeing two men love on each other. but that’s his right and his opinion. i, on the other hand, am fully in support of any form of love. if two people treat each other with kindness and bring happiness to each other then i’m all for supporting it. only relationships i don’t support are abusive and toxic ones which has nothing to do with gender. i feel like men in general sometimes are harder to get to see things this way… but i truly believe you’re leading your son down the right path. like you said, it’s most likely other boys at school who have convinced him of this and in order to fit in and not be teased himself he’s choosing to go with the flow rather than stand up for what he knows deep down is right. definitely support his choice but i do suggest continuing to go back on the subject in hopes as he gets older and starts to see it your way. but again; i’d make it vividly clear youll always support his choice to have his own opinion BUT you will not support or tolerate a bully so he is to always show respect. which can simply be turning the other way and simply not looking when you see a gay couple and just minding your business. you don’t have to like it, but you won’t be disrespectful and mean to anyone.
I mean I don’t even know why I am surprised so many of you think it’s ok to believe being gay is not okay
OP i would respond by saying what you have been saying all along, that love is love and being gay is not weird and is more than ok. I would tell him that anyone telling him being gay is not ok is wrong and let him know you would always love him whether he was gay, straight or whatever.
He’s voicing his opinion I know it’s bugging you but let him ride this out then broach it again in a month or so n gently ask him why he thinks it’s strange xxx
Unfortunately everyone has the right to their own opinion. Even if it isn’t popular. You did what you felt was best and tried to teach them that love is love and he made the decision to disagree. There’s nothing you can do.
I find it interesting that you said you wanted to teach your children that love is love so that they would learn to “tolerate” gay people. Anyway, the same way you want to teach them to accept others, respectfully, then you also must do that yourself by accepting his feelings and respecting his right to have them. That doesn’t mean he can be hateful towards them, which is where your focus should now be at what you can continue to try and influence him about, but he has every right to not accept it as “normal” if he doesn’t feel that way. Everyone has a right to their opinion and it’s okay if it’s different. However, that’s not the same as using that opinion to be rude or hurtful to others. It’s about having respect for everyone moreso than it is about accepting them. Focus on that.
Tell him if he doesn’t like it thats fine because he doesnt have to do it.
He does however need to not spread hate or be disrespectful because you wont be tolerating those behaviors.
Ask why. Just start a conversation with him about and his feelings. He doesn’t have to support it, but just have him understand to be respectful of others.
That’s your way to raise your kids
We all are allowed our thoughts an feelings. Good for your child for standing up for himself
Just respect his choice. As long as he shows no disrespect, he’s fine. He has the right to not agree with someone else’s choice. Just not mean to them.
Let him feel what he feels but explain to him he can’t be disrespectful or hateful to others. I’m a Christian and I know one day this talk is coming with my kiddos. We are called to love our neighbors. While I don’t support their choices, I still love them and respect them as people. I share the gospel and the truth of the Bible but I don’t ever want to do it from a place of hate or disgust. We should be disgusted by sin but not the sinner… if my kids grow up and eventually decide they want to support gay people, I will respect their choice and love them all the same, even if they themselves grow up to be gay, nothing will change, I’m going to love them and respect them. I wouldn’t ever personally make my kids believe something that is against God is natural and normal, and if you don’t believe in God I still wouldn’t make my child feel like they have to support anything they don’t feel is okay. Kids are allowed to feel how they feel as long as they aren’t hateful. Jesus didn’t disrespect people, therefore I’m big on raising my kiddos to be kind and gentle with everyone they come in contact with because they will meet lots of people on lots of walks of life and we have to accept people where they are and love them. That isn’t to condone the sin, but that means not to try and condemn the sinner either, because we ourselves are sinners too… But like I said, even if you don’t believe in God, let this be a teaching moment for you. Guide your kiddo to be kind about things they don’t like, and to be kind to others regardless of their personal life choices, they should be respected.
He can make his own decisions, but it’s different if he chooses to bully people who are gay. Now that’s not okay. As long as he’s not bullying them, let him believe what he wants. He’s entitled to his own opinion.
Has he given you a reason why he feels this way? Maybe just explain to him that it’s ok to feel uncomfortable or not be ok or agree but absolutely respect any and all no matter the situation
Ask questions. A million questions. Point out the inconsistencies in his opinion. Look for positive examples of gay people in your life and talk to him about how those bad thoughts don’t apply to them. Keep pushing, keep probing. You can pull him back.
I agree to let him feel the way he wants to feel. If he doesn’t like that lifestyle then he doesn’t have to like it. But he should be respectful to those who are LGBTQ+ and not look at them as something less than a human being.
Respect his choice and make sure he respects yours. We all have our opinions and that is his
It’s ok if he doesn’t support it as long as he’s not being ugly about it.
He probably feels uncomfortable with the idea. In the past many men have felt this way. Just let him know that his feelings matter, but respect is key. Even if we don’t like someone or something that another is doing we need to respect their personal decisions and never be a bully.
Fuck half these homophobic comments/parents
Your absolutely right to push the mater.
It’s ok for him not to like it or disagree. You can’t control that unfortunately, so instead teach him to be respectful and to not spread hate just because he disagrees. Everyone has their own opinions, just teach him to always treat everyone equally and to never bully over something he disagrees with.
Just leave your poor kid alone
This is how I handle these topics with my kids. We will respect everyone and we will not make our opinions on their lives their problem.
By allowing him to feel how he feels. He doesn’t have to feel the way you feel. I don’t agree with this gay stuff but I’m not going hate a person for it
Why would you want to teach that immoral rubbish to your child? You’re not teaching him, you’re Subjecting him to it which is a form of neglect. Don’t push your beliefs onto other people, it’s their own choice to choose what they like and dislike.
Respect his choice. But teach him bullying of all kinds is intolerable.
That’s his choice, you don’t get to control his mind
“You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to think it’s ok. But you will not judge or make fun of anyone. That will not be tolerated”
Leave him be. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. He obviously thinks what he thinks and it makes him feel how it feels.
If it’s something you’ve always supported, he must’ve heard other people not supporting it (probably from school). Best thing is to ask why? Why does he feel that way when that wasn’t taught in your house? If he’s just following what other people are saying, well then that would be a whole new conversation.
Stop shoving it down those poor kids throats all the time thats probably why he has turned against it if something is shoved on me all the time eventually I’m going to dislike it.
Respect his choice & drop it. Stop forcing kids to believe what you want
It is actually possible to believe homosexuality is wrong and yet still manage to not judge based upon it.
There’s some SALTY people in these comments #getoverit
He is his own person with his own views. You can explain your view on the subject but in the end he will have his own opinion on the matter and that’s that
The bigots are really coming out in the comment section on this post smh
Normal is not the same for everyone.
You don’t have to participate or pretend that you agree, but you are not entitled to be disrespectful of others thoughts or feelings.
We try to respect everyone, and teach others how to respect us.
Tell him it’s ok to feel that way but not to discriminate because of it. Everyone deserves the respect of one another regardless of who they like.
75% of this comment section did not pass the vibe check.
You teach through example.
I grew up in a household back in the day where it was frowned upon to be different, be unmarried and have children, and alot more, but I was also taught respect and to always be kind, that just because we didn’t belive in something, doesn’t give anyone the right to disrespect those who do.
He has a right to his opinion and how he feels. However, he doesn’t have the right to mistreat someone based on his opinion.
That’s how I would approach it.
Tell your child to be respectful no matter his beliefs. He is 100% entitled to an opinion - but it’s how he expresses his opinion that truly matters.
Ask him if he would like to be judged and condemed for being straight ALL his life. Put it into context, and really make him think.
Just because he doesn’t like it doesn’t mean he won’t be tolerant of people who choose it for themselves…
Dislike isn’t synonymous with intolerant. People need to get that idea out of their heads.
I don’t like it either… Doesn’t mean I judge or don’t tolerate people that do because quite frankly, it’s none of my damn business…
He doesn’t have to support or like gay people you can teach him to respect others and their choices
Children are allowed to have their own feelings and opinions regardless of how their parents feel!!!
Start with asking him why it upset him and why he is against it?
You will find someone/s has said something at school and this is why he says this.
Unfortunately kids are easily manipulated by other kids just so they can fit in with the crowds.
Once you know why he says this you can take it from there.
But keep in mind he is allowed to have his own opinions and feelings about it and you shouldn’t try change that
It is perfectly fine to have that opinion. What is not okay is to act on it.
It is what it is mama. He can dislike the choices others make but teach him to always be respectful no matter what.
Accept HIS believes. There are people who are against it and manages to respect people. Tell him that respect is a must but dont shove your believes down his throat.
Just tell him that he has the right to his opinion but he doesn’t have a right to be an ass hole to those in the community.
Being gay isn’t normal, it’s abnormal.
But, they should be treated with respect and dignity nonetheless.
I dont even bring this stuff up to my kids unless they bring it up. I tell them everyone needs someone to love! But at 11 if your kid is gonna be disapproving of other people’s choices I’d just simply ask them how they’d feel if the situation were reversed or if someone they truly loved came out. How would. They feel then? Maybe see if it helps put things in perspective for them. If that doesn’t work then leave it alone unless they are disruptive about it then tell then that everyone is entitled to their opinion but it’s not always polite to speak it!
I am sure other Christians have responded, but I also just want to say something though…
If your son came to this decision from a Christian point of view, I would say respect goes both ways. We believe that LGBTQ goes against what God created, BUT we are not to judge. We do not support it but we are not to condemn either. Basically love the sinner but not the sin if that makes sense. We should also be respected in our beliefs, but we should not treat another badly because they are gay or whatever. We are sinners, the difference is whether you chose Jesus or not and stand in agreement with His word
You tell him that he doesn’t have to agree or disagree with anyone, but he has to RESPECT everyone.
He doesn’t havd to like them or support them. That is when respect becomes very important. Just remind him to always respect regardless of the gender preference of a person. He might changed his outlooks later on when he becomes more mature.
It’s great you are as open as you are but unfortunately he is likely being influenced by mates at school and peer pressure could be your biggest battle. All you can do is try and understand where he is coming from but continue to educate him that at the end of the day we are all human and that is all that matters. He is only 11 and hopefully as he grows he will adjust his view point
I would say it’s ok if you don’t agree with it but you still need to respect them as people.
On another note, am I the only one starting to think that these posts are made up? All the recent ones have just been off the wall type stuff
I can’t even form a response because I can’t get over how many people still think being gay isn’t okay.
Just let him know…he can still not agree w it but he doesnt have to hate others or dislike others because of it. I feel the same. I dont think it’s right or normal but to each their own … , The problem today tho is this "lifestyle is being SHOVED down everyone’s throat and anyone that doesn’t agree w it is wrong which is not right either…if u have taught him right …he will already realize that he can disagree and still tolerate others… Doesn’t mean he has to be friends or hang out
SHALOM!! Kindly write me as soon as possible at my email address ([email protected]) so i can tell you about the message i have for you from God ALMIGHTY.
Well, you can tell him he can accept people without having to accept their personal choices. He doesn’t have to agree with them but doesn’t have to treat them with unkindness either.
LoVe iS lOvE says the pedos
Everyone has a right to think and believe what they want …Your Normal doesn’t have to be everyone’s Normal.
Has he had someone overstep his comfort zone or has he been ridiculed by others for trying to stand up for ‘love is love’ and then changed his opinions to match others?..
This is not judging ,you can not support gays and still love the person,how about supporting your son the Bible states no man shall lay with another man and no women should lie with another women it is a sin But we are to love all and let God sort it out
I think teaching them that the way you feel about something like this should be kept to them selves unless its indirectly brought upon them. The age old, if you have nothing nice to say, dont say it. Just because you have an opinion doesnt mean its right, or wrong. It just doesnt always have to be voiced. It wont change the way he feels. But it might teach him to be able to be nice to those who are gay or apart of the lgbtq community.
You’re basically trying to force them into thinking and feeling the way YOU want them to. Stop leasing your kids astray. The fact that your child KNOWS that homosexuality is abnormal and unnatural is a good thing. Teach them to love people instead of accepting every garbage and wrong ways of life. It is okay to Be against homosexuality, it is GOOD to not partake in the rest of the perverse world and think is normal, he can love people without loving their ways. As long as he is not hateful, mean or bullies any homosexual, he is fine.
Your son does not have to support or agree with anything. We all have freedom of choice. I do not support or agree with theLGBTQ lifestyle I am a Christian and it goes against biblical principles. I don’t have to explain my views or change them they are MY views! As long as I am not disrespecting degrading or abusing my fellow man because of their choice of partner then I am entitled to my opinion and so is your son. It baffles me why society is obsessed with forcing everybody to champion the LGBTQ’s way of life. Respect is all that’s needed nothing more.
Teach the difference between support & accepting others differences
Good job mumma.
Go with your gut …sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job
He’s 11. He’s going to challenge a lot of things you tell him, but eventually he’ll mature and hopefully become a person who believes everyone has the right to be who they are.
He’s allowed to feel how he wants just like you’re allowed to feel how you want.
I’ve always told my daughters they can love who they like, girl or boy or both!, black or white, English or not but the one thing I won’t put up with is them being a bully. They don’t have to “like” gay people but as soon as they turn into a bully, I’ll come down like a ton of bricks on them because bullying is never ok!
I’d have a respectful talk and ask why he feels like that and I you feel his “concerns” are legit (for his age) tell him you respect his choice and he may not like it but you still expect him to treat people with respect x
He doesn’t have to support or agree with them. But not supporting and bullying or treating them poorly are different things. Make it clear that he can think that but it’s not ok to treat someone else badly because of it. Or bully them or try and stop them.
To all you bitches saying ‘he doesn’t have to support this’ would you be saying the same if he said he hated disabled people? No, probs not, so shut your holes. Saying you don’t tolerate or hate gay people is just plain fucking horrible, good for you for being a homophobic dinosaur living in the 1800’s. It’s not an opinion to hate someone based on something so small and petty that LITERALLY DOESN’T IMPACT YOU AT ALL. Do you all think women who can do maths are witches too or what? Still can’t believe it’s 2021 and we’re still having this damn conversation. Fucking get a grip and stop hating people for no damn reason other than having two brain cells fighting it out for domination in your useless brain.
Don’t. Buts a mental illness.
Well it is not okay, and the kid is right. I do not hate gays but do not support it either. If it were my own well they would not be part of my life. God made Adam and Eve not Eve and Eve or Adam and Adam…keep your comments to yourself do not need the hate we are all entitled to our own opinions and this us my belief. If you are gay or bisexual than great continue on. We all meet the maker some day.
A lot of these comments are disgusting. There are a lot of child friendly books that explain how normal same sex couples are. Teaching your son respect is the main thing and the fact that you are concerned shows that you are a great mama. Please don’t listen to the religious extremists that hide behind their “beliefs” in order to be hateful.
If a betrothed virgin is raped in the city and doesn’t cry out loud enough, then “the men of the city shall stone her to death.” (Deuteronomy)
Your response should be
‘’ you don’t have to agree or support them, all you have to do is to not to be judgemental, they are people just like us and they deserve the same amount of respect we deserve, you cannot by any means treat them less just because they choose to be different ‘’
The Lord is dealing with this child. Leave it alone. He can hate the sin but love the sinner. My step son is gay. I love him dearly. He also knows I don’t support this kind of behavior.Jesus is love. But he is holy. Read the word of God.
Just say love everybody and respect their choices. He doesn’t have to agree with their decisions, just respect them. You cant single homosexuality out. The bottom line is nobody should be treated differently because of their life decisions, we’re all different.