How do I approach my hubby bout his mom not moving in just yet? I told him when we BUY a house, not renting one. We’re looking for another rental, and my hubby and kids keep saying when grandma moves in, I’m like, hold up, that’s not happening yet. I know my hubby wants his mom with us too, but I’m not ready for that. At one point, she did live with us to find a place, but she kept prolonging it, and she was so messy. I was a SAHM at that time, and she just expected me to clean up after her. She left trash and cans everywhere, slept all day, and took over the living room and our bathroom. At one point, she expected to cook for her. One night I didn’t cook, she waited all day till dinner to eat when my man came home, she told my husband “son I’m hungry,” and he said “mom there’s plenty of pasta, noodles, stuff for sandwiches” and she said “oh well I’m not that hungry” and sat back til I made something for the kids. I just have a feeling its gonna be like that again I feel like she can be on her own a bit longer; she’s renting a room from a close friend, shes in her 50s, still dating and gets around just fine.
If she is getting around just fine, why does your hubby want her moving in? Talk about a momma’s boy. I’d tell him straight up No. They do offer houses that have “Mother in Law” suites. Basically, a little house located on your property. Have you thought about that? That way she is with her son, but not in y’all’s house? Regardless, it’s time for your hubby to leave his mother’s nest it sounds like.
Show him this post. Say I love you and I love your mom, but Im not willing to live with her. At 50 something, she should be able to take care of herself if she can still get around. Just be straightforward. If she moves in anyway, give up cleaning and cooking and let him do it. You can also say that you will be taking a job outside of the home if she comes to live there and he can figure out how to pay for daycare. Living with your own mom is extremely hard. Could not imagine living with anyone else’s!
In her 50s… unless she has a medical reason why would she live with you?? Money problems??
One way is to have a house with in law suite…that way she is there but has her own space, kitchen, bathroom
I would never agree to live with somebody like that unless clear ground rules were set up and agreed to first. Also I would not give her food I cooked for my children unless she was helping pay for said food.
Uh-uh NOPE! Hell to the no! Let that lady can continue being where she’s out. Keep her out of your home.
I just went through this very thing. Circumstances were just a bit different but I feel you on everything else. Now my mother in law doesn’t like her new apartment and keeps refusing to pay her rent… trying to get a reason to come move back in. I’m not ready for all of that yet either. I love her but same exact thing with the messes and cooking. I however don’t have an answer to how to tell your husband because I myself am facing the same dilemma with how to say that very thing to my husband. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
Be honest and tell him how you feel, or you’ll end up living with her sooner than you want. Show him this post. Honesty is best for these situations
Be up front and honest. Tell him you feel, if it goes the same way it will cause resentment due to takeing care of another person. Espically a 50 year old fully capable adult.
I am Serious about my peace and privacy .
Being a mother is hard enough without adding inlaws living in your home. That can be stressful in the best of relationships.
I’d only even consider it if she was in her own inlaw suit off the house.
If she’s in her 50’s and still dating what is the reason she would have to live with you? I would stay firm on saying NO
Yeah no if she’s capable an able there’s no reason she should be living with you guys interupting your life, we got out of my man’s mom’s worst living experience of my life an she will never live with us again
Plain and simple— the agreement was when y’all buy a house, y’all didn’t buy the house yet so she’s not moving in. Also make it clear to her and your husband that when she moves in she’s getting a room she has to cook and clean for her self.
That’s a hell no from me.
Be up front about it before she moves in.
I’d never allow it unless she needed personal care or assistance. I may be mean but that takes a lot out of a person and a relationship to bring anyone else into the home.
Learn how to say NO!
No reason for her to move in if she’s in her 50s and capable of looking after herself. Tell her to get her own place. No way… You have your own life and kids and he shouldn’t be putting that burden on his family
What in the actual fuck lol
No fucking way. If she was elderly and needed your help or was helpful then sure but she sounds awful
I would not want someone living in with my guy and I, unless a written agreement is drawn up that includes how much they will pay towards bills, but be fair about the amount, if you and your husband have 2 kids, you are a family of 4, she would turn it into 5 in the house so she should be responsible for 1/5 of rent, heating, cable, net, and all utilities as well as groceries, it should be made clear in writing she is expected to clean up after herself, and either provide for her own food or take turns cooking and pitch in for food. I would also make it clear if overnight visitors are welcome or not, every little thing should be in writing signed by you, your husband and her, with a witness who has no interest in the matter.
Its most likely gonna be that way again. Tell him no…youre not okay with it.
Oh fuck that!! Not a good idea that just got trouble written all over it… Over my dead body!
I would let my husband know that if your mother’s moving in with us she needs to have her own in law suite. Therefore she can have her own space and the kids won’t disturb her. A little reverse psychology help sometimes!
Nope!!! Sorry, I wouldn’t do it!! If she’s still dating and getting around fine there’s no reason for her to live with you at all! I’m sorry, but after going through what u already did it’s just gonna be a repeat of the same old stuff!!
Personally, I wouldn’t of made that agreement to begin with. If my mother/ mother in law was elderly and needed care then that’s a totally different situation. This just seems like a way to be manipulative and in the middle of ur relationship!
Just my opinion on the info that was given!! Good luck!!
My hubby did say at one time if his parents need a place to stay they can put caravan out the front I’m like NO way if they come here the kids and I won’t be here until they go lol don’t get me wrong we love them but me and the kids can’t be around them for more then a couple of hrs at a time or shit will fly.
Why does she want to move in? She’s not sick, she obviously gets money, she can do her own thing, she’s dating. I don’t see a logical reason for her to move in. If and when you buy your home then make sure there is a suite for her where she can cook and clean for herself. She will then still have the freedom and privacy she has and she’ll be close to the family if she ever needs help.
My mother in law has been living with us going on 3 years now she’s also in her 50s I complain sometimes bc she’s been living in my living room this whole time! But she does cook sometimes and wash the dishes an it is convenient to have her here when I need to go somewhere an need to leave my son here with her, (he’s 10 and can take care of his self but can’t stay home alone yet) I completely understand the not wanting her to come live I don’t think she should permanently live with y’all till she starts getting to the point of not being able to care for her self. I think a mother in law should always be welcomed to stay temporarily tho when needed. If I was u I would make it very clear u are not her slave an if she moves in she will need to help out around the house
50s is still a little young to be taken care of. You guys deserve your midlife time alone together. The time to take mom in is when she cant clean herself or do daily tasks without help. Or she is really sick. Just tell him no. Buy a house with an extra room but tell him she cant move in until she needs to. I dont blame you for wanting your privacy.
I wouldn’t be ok with it, if she didn’t clean up after herself or pitch in. Your not her mother and she’s a grown woman. If she wants to live like a slob she can do it in her own place.
Stand ur ground… it sounds like it will be a living hell … sod that… lifes too short.
Hold up!? In her 50s? Why is she moving in with you!? Why would you be responsible to clean up after and feed her!? This woman is not old. What is happening
It took me 21 years but I learned to tell my mom no. This sounds like you are describing my mother. I love her but I haven’t seen her in 3 and a half years but a handful of times. I’m almost 25, have a husband, a 3 year old and a baby on the way. I tried to mend things with her but she makes promises and breaks them. Always has. I don’t want my kids around that. She chooses her boyfriend over her kids and grandkids repeatedly. From my experience, its less stress to say no and put your foot down. Also anyone that wants to say anything bad or hateful about this, there is a lot more back story to this. You never know what someone puts up with or is going through. The last time my brother let my mom “come take a shower”, she stayed for 6 months and mooched off of him. No job, slept all day and wouldnt even help around the house or pick up after herself. Just set boundaries at the very least. Its your home for you and your family first. I pray it goes better this time if you allow her to move in. Its hard and I feel for you.
I feel your pain… my mother in law lives with us… she such a pain in the ass… and when it comes to being a grandma… she the best she can be… sounds a lot like her… I’ll pray for you… but say something now… it will only get worse if you don’t…
Boundaries are a good thing!
Literally the only answer is No. two families can’t live under one roof.
No, no, no. Stand your ground hon. You have your hands full with your own family. Straight out tell her & your husband that there is no way this is going to happen until it’s absolutely necessary. She is inconsiderate & you don’t need that BS.
Hell no. Not in a million years would she be living with me. As a stay at home mom u DO have a say so. Shit as a WORKING mother, u have a say so. Give ur husband an ultimatum. Let him do what he wants, so you can see what he’d rather have. And before anyone saying ‘thats making husband choose between FAMILY, thats his mother’…no the family he CREATED is his family. His mother is extended family. Shes doing just fine living on her own, dating, and being dirty where shes at. I’d absolutely tell him its not happening. Not now. Not later. Until that woman is so old and frail and sickly, I wouldnt even consider it. U have a voice. Tell ur husband straight up. If he dont like it LEAVE. Bc thats a major disruption in your marriage, home, mental health. And by him allowing mom to move in, thats his way of saying fuck u.
You and him need to get on the same level about your expectations and boundaries before either of you makes a choice. Be clear and direct with him and let him know these boundaries aren’t negotiable.
Why on earth would she be moving in with you anyway? She sounds like a stroppy teenager! She can take care of herself!
Don’t let her move in. It will end up hurting your marriage at some point. Why is your husband so set on her living with you? She is a grown woman. She should be able to figure it out by herself. Especially if she is already able to rent a room by herself.
Its a no no;Don’t make a mistake;She will never leave and you will live in hell in your own house
Having in laws living with you is TERRIBLE!
Why is she even moving in? Who would suggest that garstly idea… I would move out my mother in law tried even staying for the week 
I think I’m more shocked that this is even an option if he wants to keep sucking on the breast it would be him moving in with his mother. I’m shocked it’s even an option. It would be a definate no from me
Why cant you just talk to hibs about this. Instead of coming to fb. Voice everything you just typed to your hubs. Let him know you do not want to take care of her on top of taking care of your family.
Set boundaries. She needs to clean up after herself like a respectable grown person, she needs to help cook. She is not here to be babied and taken care of like she is frail and helpless. If she cant do that, than hell no she ain’t coming over
Why does he want her to move in? Does she still work ? How is her health? Why would you cook two different meals if your using the same kitchen? I’m older my kids moved in with me and got mad when I cooked for everyone. Took food out faster than I could bring it in . Looking back I realize we just saw each other in passing and never talked.
I would put my foot down and say no. Mum can still look after herself has a roof over her head and we need our own space
This works both ways!
Be honest with your hubby to your feeling and worrys.
But on same boat if MIL has a home at presant and no medical issues which she needs help with then can see no reason why she needs to move in. If you wanted to go bk to work and shes offering free childcare and was tidy and house trained id have her like shot.
Hmmm looks like you need a talk with the hubby. Prepare yourself as well if you are unwilling to accept it. Best of luck
FIRM. I would basically be like I’m NOT arguing about this because it’s an absolute positively NO. Either flip out now or have a massive fight years down the road.
If there is no medical reason that she has to live with you then its a FIRM no. She is grown, she is dating and she is taking care of herself and renting her own place, there is no reason for you to have to take her in and wait on her hand and foot. The last thing you need is to be stressed unnecessarily. If things were bad before they’ll just get worse. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground
No. Absolutely No. Been there. Done that. Did it to the very end. Until her ashes were secure in their resting place. Do not commit to this. There will be a time when she does need you but you need to convince her that her freedom right now is a beautiful thing. #fromafriend
I wouldn’t I would explain why. If it helps I’m kinda going through it now. My hubby’s dad will be moving back here soon. I told him no more than 2 weeks staying with us and no more than a few months staying on our camper lots. Hes been known 2 trash every house hes been in, a hoarder, and I quit frankly dont care 4 his sexual innuendos every conversation. I could see if she couldn’t take care of herself but it isnt the case. I could also see that she may not have wanted 2 step on ur toes about cooking food she didnt provide. However, it sounds like shes just being lazy and neglecting adult responsibility.
She can go live with the guys she’s dating 
Yeah I’d lay down some firm rules, she’s a grown woman, not a 12 year old.
Um hell no , i would tell me husband its me.or his mama , but can’t live with us both . No way she sounds very needy , and would just be another responsibility for you.
I would not live with my mom or mother in law and my husband is the same way. I would just tell him this is the last time we talk about it. There is no way we are having any of our parents living with us.
Yeah I’d be straight up in telling my husband no, being she acted that way previously no damn way I’ll do it again for her to act like one of our kids.
No reason for her to be there you’re not a maid
Be honest about your feelings to your husband. This is a decision that should be made together
Personally I would never want to move on with my kids and prefer to be independent- My mother in law is 86 lives with us.Shes frail -independent and never a worry.She does things for herself and has her own space.Its a blessing having her around.We all have our moments but we wouldn’t have it any other way
Nope nope nope! Not happening!
Thank you Yamuna. You have always been a wonderful daughter. Ma also loves you very much.
Tell him straight up. I wouldn’t mess with that shit. If he doesn’t like it, then he can rent that bedroom with his mom.
In her 50’s? Unless there’s some health issues, she can live alone for another 20+ years!
You need to make your feelings know! The situation will not improve if she’s used to being on her own, she’s used to having freedom.
The kids needs to understand that this is not a definite thing and they need to know that it may not happen, at least not for a long time.
Fuck all that shit. It is not your responsibility to care for that woman or house her. Shes a grown ass adult. I would NOT deal with thag shit
Leave her where she is at.
Stand your ground and tell him how you feel. It is your home and you have a say in what and who come in/out. Thats a whole grown ass adult and unless she is sick or seriously homeless I dont see how or why she can’t take care of herself. I wouldn’t want someone like that living with me. Best of luck.
The fact that she’s an added chore… it’s a definite NO from me.
Tell your husband that after her behavior the last time, she will NOT be moving in with y’all anytime soon. If he picks his mom… you’ll know where you stand with him.
Nope 
tell him no.
Some men are momma boys is what I have learned.
Tell him if he wants a big rift in the house, have mom live with him and he can take care of her himself
If she ain’t elderly and does not need help fuck that shit she sounds spoiled. Right now your focus is your own kids!
Hell no!!! And only in her 50s?!? Girl, she will ruin your family.
Home rental or purchase, she wouldn’t be moving in with me
Unless she’s footing the bill and paying you for that time…she’s a grown person and should be able to care for herself like she is now. Your not a maid or caregiver so unless something happens where she needs help she should stay where she is while you and your family do them
Just be honest. Talk with your husband
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I’m a very Petty person I would have taken all of her trash and thrown it in her room I would do the same thing with her clothes if they ended up in my laundry I would make enough for the kids maybe my husband if he supported the way his mom act then he can make his own dinner too
Don’t do it. It will ruin your marriage and there will always be conflict and drama going on around your kids. Families shouldn’t live together unless it’s a have to kinda situation.
No is a complete sentence. Straight up no. Regardless of yalls loving situation she sounds like a toxic spoiled brat.
No, no, no! She’s too young & still dating??? Stay your ground.
Tell your husband that before his mom can move in, you guys need to own a house with a casita in the back and she can rent it
HOMEGIRL. HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THIS: DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR FOR HER TO COME LIVE WITH Y’ALL.
She sounds like a leech that will suck y’all dry. I’ve been there and done that and dang near lost my relationship over it. She got along just fine before your husband had his own house… she’ll continue to do so.
This is sounding like an episode of “ I love a mommy’s boy”
I don’t see the difference between now and later, she’s still not going to be any different no matter how long you wait before she moves in, I would not let her move in at all, she seems very able to have her own place and take care of herself, she will definitely disrupt your life
It’s your home, too. You can say no. Someone moving in should be a unanimous yes. If one of you says no, it’s a no.
Be CRYSTAL clear with your husband about your concerns.
My mom is gonna be 61 this year and replaced a big ass bay window by herself at her house. If his mom is in her 50s, currently living independently, and doesn’t need assistance, she’s fine to keep living alone.
Dont do it. I have both in-laws with us and quite frankly … it doesn’t work.
Tell him his mom can move in if he’s the one who cleans up after her lol
I am 50. I would not even dream of living with my children unless I was medically dependent and needed care. Sounds like to me she’s an adult who doesn’t want to provide for herself to be independent. Tell your husband the truth.
I will be 50 next month. Work full time, deal with pain in various areas of my body. Each day is a new discovery. But, I get up, go to work at a job that fulfills me. If I had a MIL who was going to be moving in, based on your experiences I would say, NO, she has too much unexplored potential. When she really, really needs a family to look after her, let’s talk.
You need to let him know. My mom lived with us for awhile. It got really hard for me. I love her, but it put a strain on our relationship. If she still has enough spunk to get around, encourage her to stay where she is or find someone else that will let her live with her and share rent with. It is hard, talk to him!!!
Girl, NO, just no…you said it yourself, she’s in her 50’s, dating and takes care just fine…don’t ruin your marriage and home life. She can obviously take care of herself. No question.
Wtf hell no! My mom is in her 50s and has 3 jobs to maintain herself. It’ll put a strain in yalls relationship.
If she doesn’t have health issues or some other reason to, im confused as to why she is moving in anyway??? Super confused.
There’s nothing wrong with having boundaries. Your husband is a good son for wanting to take care of his mom but that is his prerogative and it shouldn’t be at your expense.