You raised your child, he needs to care for his. Grandbabies are to be enjoyed when you feel up to it, than they are sent home to their parent. Do not feel guilty!!
My daughter is a nurse and works 12 hour shifts, picking up extra because of the shortage of nurses. Her husband to be works second shift in the mines and gets his schedule moved around at the last minute often. I was a nurse before I got hurt so I know how demanding and draining her job can be. My grandkids are now 4 and 6. I havenāt worked in 16 years because of health issues. The last two years I had 4 hip replacement surgeries in one hip. I still found a way to watch my grandkids. We have gone down to one income as well since I can no longer work. Thank goodness my husband got a big promotion and pay increase a few years ago or we wouldnāt be able to do for our kids as we do. Everyone has a different situation. Donāt overdo it. If you donāt have a spouse for backup you have to take care of yourself
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He needs to feed them before they come over or he needs to fix something and bring it with them ā¦ he has no idea what a blessing he has with you babysitting for him but at the end of the day they are his children and he needs to step up and take responsibility
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Hurt some feelings! Your feelings obviously arenāt being considered! Show him how much childcare will cost and make him pay a % or find someone else! Iāve seen so many people who think grandparents should just do it for free!?! NOOOOOO! You raised your kids!
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I worked 40 hours a week and was a single mom to an elementary school aged son. I sat my two grandkids, both in diapers, every Saturday and a lot of overnights. I did it to help my daughter and it was difficult shopping with three kids and cleaning and I still took them to the park. I was tired but glad I was young enough to do it. I sure couldnāt do it now in my 60s.
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Ask for money. Tell him to pay you. Very simple. Ask. And if he says no, you say no. Eye for an eye. Tough love.
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He should supply the needs of his children but also really itās 2-3 nights a week 
thatās your grandbabies so why not be there for them when they need? Sad you prefer to have some random watching them at night rather than family.
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Be prepared, if you tell him you donāt wanna babysit any longer you may not see your grandchildren so decide which is more important to you
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Be honest with himā¦tell him he needs to step up
Send him what you just wrote to us.
Shame on u for not wanting to babysit your grandchildren. What kind of mother r u? You should b proud of your son working n taking care of his children. Not many men would do this.
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Be honest with him. Iām a single mom to 3 small kids. My mom helps me out tremendously (she also doesnāt work) with my kids. However she is very upfront and forward with me when she needs a break or she feels like Iām taking advantage of her. (I donāt do it on purpose). But it gives me a reality check. I also donāt expect her to provide anything for my kids. Whatever she buys them is because she wants to. She has already told me to find another baby sitter and I have for my youngest. The middle one will have a spot in July, and my oldest will start school. Just be honest with him. And be blunt without giving options. Sometimes thatās whatās needed.
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Times are different now. What boundaries have you put in place for your son when he was young and now for him to develop responsibility?
He may get his feelings hurt but he will get over it and it will make him more independent. Iām sorry but Iām gonna say it, we as parents have done this to ourselves. We have spoiled our kids rotten. Gave them everything our parents said no to cause we were not going to be that way. My mom refused to babysit for free. I always had to pay her.
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Guys are built different. They donāt think about things like that bc they think as women, we can handle it all. Talk to him. Tell him whatās going on. Tell him you love him and GC But itās getting to be too much on you, financially and mentally. Tell him you can only do it 1 or 2 times a week. He needs to find someone else for the other times. If you something happens to you, he will have no one to turn to. So, make sure you are taken care of. I would never put that strain on my parents.
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I know your tired. But, you need to set ground rules and stick to it. He needs to step up to the plate and help with food and such. But, I honestly couldnāt leave my grandchildren with strangers. Even though we raised our children, weāre still the Queen Bee in the family.
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As a single parent, unless heās very well off, he should be eligible for daycare assistance. I would start there. Check your state Child Care Assistance Program and see what the income cap is, and if he qualified then relay this information to him.
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Well itās fine if you donāt want to babysit maybe just give him a week or 2 notice and tell him you need a break. As for the things that youāve bought, donāt use that against him or throw it up in his face, as Iām sure you did it out of the kindness of your heart and on your own free will. Even if āyou felt like you had toā you made those decisions and itās not fair to throw that up in his face. Good luck.!
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Jeeze some of these comments are so rude!! This is definitely a tough one and I really hope it all works out! Good luck fellow mama 
Just tell him. I told my son. Just like that.
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If you donāt set up boundaries he will continue doing so without any care in the world. Youāre the grandparent not the parent. He needs to know how you feel and how you too need time to rest. Sit and have a serious conversation with him. Establish what he needs to purchase and bring weekly. Mention how if he had to pay for a sitter he would not be getting away with half of what heās getting away. He should have more appreciation for what youāre doing.
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I understand that even though itās only 2-3 times a week he depends on you to pay for everything they need basically. Yes helping pay here and there is great but not for everything. Single mom here and yes he can do it on his own. Thankfully I had my mom and dad to help me watch the kids until my mom passed away and now my dad does it. Tell him he really needs to start helping by buying some food for them or helping pay for what they need. You raised your kids already.
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Thatās rough, Iād give anything to be able to babysit my grand daughter, she lives 500 miles from me and I only get to see her a couple times a year because of our work schedules, school, and trying to make ends meet.
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Donāt listen to all the rude people. Itās so nice of you to help out your son even if only few nights a week. Itās hard work watching small kids especially since you work. You will just have to tell him that your health is just not their. Working and watching kids is just making you sick. His feeling will most likely will be hurt. But once he figures it out Iām sure he will get over it. It will be selfish of him not too. But you have to take care of yourself.
Iād just tell him hey I need a break from the kids I love them but Iām working as well and Iām a lot older now so I get worn out with kids way faster than I used to. My dad watchās my 4&1&1/2 year old by himself for a few hours on night I work until my husband get home but during the day Iām always with them unless my dad takes them out somewhere he doesnāt work anymore and I still make sure he gets breaks from the kids cause I know my kids are super crazy and very hyper
Exactly the way you just told us. Be up front and specific and let the ships fall where they may. He knows heās taking advantage.
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This is a real tough situationā¦ Iām sorry but I would suck it up ā¦time goes so quickly and if not him those grandkids will love and appreciate it you forever 
I donāt understand when you say , you have put your life on holdā¦isnāt this what life is all aboutā¦ or do u mean finding a man so he can fill the time you now give your grandkidsā¦
You sit down and tell him what you said here <3
Smh ā¦ Your son being a single āFATHERā taking care of his kid and just asked for help 2-3 days a week babysitting your grandchild ? ā¦ Kuddos for this young man for stepping up ā¦ If money helping with stuff is the problem talk with him bout that but damn I donāt feel like this is asking much of his GRANDPARENT for help ā¦
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I would like to say the cost of childcare has gone exponentially since you were a single parent, but I do think he should be supplying them with things they need while they are at your house. I do understand that you work and maybe you can offer to watch them only one day or for emergencies. You have to do what works for you. I would personally watch my grandkids when I have them because I understand how expensive everything has gotten, but I am not in the same boat as you and I am not a one income household. You definitely deserve a break if you need one
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You need to have time for yourself to sweetie just let him know youāre feeling and stick to it
Balance in our life is critical. As a mom and grandma I also have great empathy for you. You mentioned the āother grandmotherā is she the momās mother, and have you talked with her about creating a schedule? Ideally, 2 nights a week for each of you he should have off 2 days a week? And picking someone for the other night of the week and for nights where you two are not available? It would be best (in my opinion) for your grandkids and son to have some solutions on the table. Sounds as if the kids adore you and your life would have an emptiness without them. There must be a solution for all including yourself so you donāt become burnt out.
As for buying clothes and stuff I recommend small steps or include him in the shopping activities and budget.
Just my thoughts on the situation and wish you the best. I have much admiration for him as a single dad, many simply wonāt.
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You just need to explain it like u did here
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If he doesnāt help with money and food why he thinks itās your place to do you that way
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Tell him straight that youāre mentally, physically and financially exhausted. Youāve given what you can, and you donāt mind helping, but he has to do more. Set boundaries and stick to them. He has to figure it out, because itās his responsibility. You canāt pour from an empty cup
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If it was me I would have no problem with keeping my grandkids overnightā¦because my son is a single father. He donāt have to send food for them cause they are MY grandkids. Not that they are my responsibility but anything that is MINEā¦Iām gonna provide for
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Just tell him. You raised your kid already youāre not obligated To raise someone elseās.ļæ¼ he should be more mindful of how much heās putting on his support systems. I would give him a few weeks to find someone but definitely set a time limit and be firm with that limit. For example you can give him four weeks to find a sitter and if he doesnāt find it within that timeframe then thatās on him.ļæ¼
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Some time you have to show hard love
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You could get qualified to take daycare assistance for him if he qualifies. Look into it and it can help pay. Honestly help him out he has to qualify for things depending on his income. Assistance for clothes. For some reason guys seem to think theyāre exempt from these assistance that just help parents with getting things their children need. Sit down and give him a good talk. Do you want to say you never want to help? Donāt throw anything in his face just try to help with alternatives.
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Those poor babies 
sending good vibes and prayers up for yāall
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He is not married, right?
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I am a single mom, I have never had help with my kids in anyway. You deserve your own time. Asking him to find a part time babysitter is helping him to grow up. Youāre a good mom. Everyone should have to fend for themselves from time to time, it creates problem solvers and critical thinking.
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It doesnāt last forever then youāll miss them, done it myself I do it for the kids nobody else. Everyone has a choice you need to do whatās best for you to live with a clear conscious
If he can afford a baby sitter then help him find a good one and then tell him flat iut your exhausted. You do not have to feel bad. If he gets mad and says he wont being the kids over then you know you raised a very self centered kid yourself. However I dont believe that will happen. He just needs to get used to the idea of trusting a babysitter and not just his Mom.
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You donāt need to feel guilty, but is it really that bad 2-3 days a week???
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What you expressed here , say to him.
Communication is the key and heās your son.
Both have to Meet half way!
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Maybe you just need a break? Like a month or something? Theyāll be grown soon and you are going to miss them being this little
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Just start charging him. Tell him money is tight and charge him $50 per night. But honestly, Him working overnights is hard to find an overnight babysitter or Depending on their ages, sometimes trustworthy to spend that kind off time with the kids. I understand youāre older and did your time parenting, but if something happened to those kids in the care of someone else, could you forgive yourself? I say charge him and get those kids on a bedtime schedule with an early bedtime so you can have your own time. Itās overnight. I canāt imagine that it would be the same as watching them during the day where you have to feed them multiple times and entertain them all day. For being only 3 nights a week, it really sounds like itās about the money you spend feeding and clothing them. Check your priorities and then check his.
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Just tell him you cannot afford this anymore and quit. He will either start paying or find someone else.
You did your part you raised your kids
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Maybe tell him you can only do one night a week
2-3 days out of 7 days ? How long are his shifts? Overnights are so hard to find a babysitter. Poor dude I work overnight. I come home my man goes to work . Iām hella tired all the time because I wake up with the kids . I can only imagine his schedule 
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Tell him itās been to hard for you and maybe only do one night a week and will help until he finds someone else for other nights
You have a full schedule yourself without watching the kids. You have to give him a time frame. Like he has 2 weeks to find someone else. Donāt feel bad, heās using you & youāre letting him. I was a single parent also and my parents were never my babysitter.
My grandparents are my support system. Theyāre also very old and have raised enough kids in their lifetime, when they told me they were too tired and canāt watch him often at all I completely understood and have my boy in daycare a couple times a week now. As a parent himself, I do hope your son understands, you have every right to not want to parent children that arenāt yours
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Can you give him notice and maybe cut back to like one night a week?
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Maybe he is paying u back for some deep down hurt he has. I would get to the bottom of why you are obligated to babysit.
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My mom is my rock. If she told me this I would be pissedā¦ maybe he cannot afford a babysitter putting your life on hold 2/3 nights a week is nothing.
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This shows how much pressure there can be on a caretaker without support! A hard predicament to be in and the son needs to help and take hold too!
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Make him fulfill his obligation as their Father or get out!!!
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I get it. My mom helps a lot with my 3 kids she works full time as well. At nearly 60 she is just exhausted. I donāt ask her to watch for any constant thing but sometimes if I have an appointment I ask her for help. But sheāll straight up tell me sheās tired and has shit to do. I think maybe you could try reaching out to find a good sitter and get prices and set things up or help him. Where is the mom in all of this ?
Just give him this letter ,than have a long talk.
Trade with the other grandparent do a week on a week offā¦mention to him bluntly money needs to be left for kids needsā¦or find a day time position so he is home with the kids overnight!! Really he could bring them after dinner and baths in PJs and have them picked up for breakfastā¦
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Oh how very sad for you.
Iām sorry.
I hope you can find the strength to tell him and to stand on your ground firmly.
For far too long you allowed him to take advantage of your kind heart.
Give him two weeks notice and let him know thatās all the time you will allow for him to find a babysitterā¦
Best wishes
Sit down and have an honest conversation with him about expectations just like you would have when he was a teenager about curfew, cleaning his room etc. Men, especially younger men, donāt view things the same as women or have the same maturity. He likely doesnāt realize he is making them equally your responsibility as his. It sounds like he really needs the help with planning and organizing. You may have to hold his hand on the part in order to alleviate yourself from babysitting. Maybe cut down to one night a week as well after you help him find resources. You may be a better judge of a babysitter anyway:)
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Insist he pay the way for the kids to ease your financial situationā¦ They are his kids . As for overnight babysitterā¦ heās likely to not find anyone who he can trust ā¦
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Honestly I see no issue with 2 to 3 nights a week. Thatās precious time and wont be there forever however I would definitely sit him down and talk about the food and money situation. I personally wouldnāt expect to be paid but if Iām struggling they could at least contribute to the food part of it.
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No more than what they eat it canāt cost that much. If money is that tight ask him to feed them before they come and provide a snack before bed. A box of cereal and gallon of milk for breakfast less than $5. They are sleeping most of the time they are there. I guess I donāt understand why you donāt want to. I absolutely love having my grandchildren! I cherish the time I get with them knowing that when Iām gone they will have great memories and know how much I love them.
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Yep bit of hard love here he is taking advantage of your love for tge kids stand up and say changes are being made to my life get a baby sitter stop being a soft $%#$hole.
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Maybe you can help him out by finding a babysitter or give him suggestions for daycares to make you feel less guilty and to help him. He is probably more overwhelmed than you and doesnāt even know where to start. Tell him you can do it 1-2x a week instead its too much on you.
Iāve been there for 13 yearsā¦4h baby came and I couldnāt do it anymoreā¦we lived in a 2 family I worked full time alsoā¦I told her when her baby was 2 weeks and she wanted to go back to workā¦She kept kids from me for a year !!! It about killed meā¦1 year later she started coming around little at a time now we are close again but she moved 40 minutes away and itās not that easy to see each other but when we do itās so funā¦Iām a grandma not not a everynigjt sitter !!!
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He will be shattered all the time if heās working nightsā¦ask him to.provide some money so you can feed and clothe themā¦babysitters are hard to find on nights and extremely expensiveā¦give him a break
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I would
Never not watch my granddaughter-I consider it a privilege to be able to help with her-and yes I also work
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2/3 nights a week is nothing , feeding 2 small kids also costs next to nothing! You also shouldnāt be comparing your situation when uour kids were small to his now as its not the same , enjoy this time while you can
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Just explain its become to much, an look elsewere for baby sitting not to help is dissapointing an not paying anything is worse say no more /// ALL IN YOUR HANDS ā¦
If you offered to do this, and you canāt anymore then you have to talk to him. But if itās because of him not doing anything for them while theyāre at your house, maybe just ask him to pack them dinner and clothes so that you donāt have to supply any of those things. I would hope my dad would talk to me if he was overwhelmed or needed more from me when he watches my kids.
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Tell him your doctor said you needed to limit the time you took the kids, and give him a number youād be comfortable with per week. That way you still get to see them, but not overwhelmed. Usually I say be straightforward, but this is a sensitive case and you never know the backlash itāll cause
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Just show him this message and ask him to answer it. I feel like you have every right to live your life how you want. Youāve raised your children. Maybe just book yourself a holiday and not say your home arrival date and continue saying how busy you are. No one should ever expect and doesnāt sound like you are being appropriated. Maybe keep one day so you still have your regular visits to see them all but thatās enough for any grandparent. Good luck
Itās time to just sit him down and just plain out tell him that you can NOT babysit anymore. You need to explain that you love them more than life and they can still stay all night occasionally but youāve put your life on hold long enough. Youāre not their mother, you are their grandmother and itās time that you get to enjoy being just that. It seems that heās completely ok with taking advantage of you so now itās time to put your foot down.
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Can you change things up with this? Tell him he needs to provide money for their food or bring them having eaten already or bring their dinner for you to feed them?
They go to bed at what time?
You have every right, obviously, to tell him you donāt want to do this anymore. If you choose to, give him ample time to find replacement.
Can you limit it to 1 or 2 nights a week?
Iām sure being a single parent is hardā¦but parents need community and help. Who else does he have in his circle of trusted friends other than the other grandparents?
Just know, whether he tells you or not (he definitely should), you are a blessing to him and his children. A good relationship w/ grandparents is very special and no doubt those babies will remember their special nights with you.
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Iād never let a stranger watch my child for hours at a time but you have to just tell him
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Weāre they mother???
You worked at a time when child care rates were much much different. 
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I think he should be thankful youāve stepped up for as long as you have: I am very fortunate that I have my parents and my Inlaws to help with our children, however if either of them ever said it was becoming too much on them physically or financially I would not take it personal and would definitely find other accommodations. Just because youāre a grandparent it isnāt assumed that youāre going to tend to your grandchildren instead of a babysitter. My husband and I never felt it was assumed our parents would watch our children when we work, they offered and we are beyond thankful and forever blessed they did but it isnāt their jobā¦.theyāve raised their children. It was our choice to have children so itās our job to provide them childcare. If someone offers, greatā¦but if they simply cannot do it anymore then thatās on a parent to find or make other arrangements. Definitely have a chat with your son, Iām sorry if it makes him upset and angry at youā¦that is definitely not fair on his part to behave that way.
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Maybe he needs to find a day job. How much time can they possibly be spending with their father if heās dropping them right off to you right after school and before he goes in. Something has to give! He needs a day job and boo hoo. I agree that you should still help but that should be on your terms. My mother rarely tells me no about watching my kid but Iād never expect it and count on it.
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Hmm well
I see the entire situation
Itās not easy
Hereās - if it were me - what I feel would be healthy-
Sit him down. Have a very honest thorough talk
Maybe even bring up / suggest he get a day time job? If possible
Also remind him that ur not made of money. Let him
Know itās been hard on you.
Also if you do choose to stop helping or stop helping as much, let him know youll
Give him an acceptable amount of time to make arrangements.
Itās ok to be honest.
And remind how much u love him abs will still be there for him and his babies. But. U need some space and down time as well
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How can I tell my son I no longer want to babysit?
You say, āI can no longer babysitā, and you explain why, and suggest other options. I suggest you center your request to stop babysitting on what you say here: āIām just becoming mentally & physically exhaustedā. That avoids arguing over the details which you mention, and it avoids āhurting anyoneās feelingsā. āIām exhaustedā- period. Give him an end date; donāt make it āeffective immediatelyā.
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Just tell him itās too much and for him to start finding someone else. Iāve baby sat mine for last ll years they never had a baby sitter. Now Iāve got 3. Got a 11. 8 3 year old some times itās just to much . I have the dad take off work sometimes to give me a weekend. It is tuff thought but before you know it they wonāt need you no more. Maybe only watch them 1 day a week
I think heās taking advantage in some ways. I have 5 kids and my mom watches them all 5 days a week while Iām at work. But itās at my home, I provide all the food and necessities my kids would ever need. I also buy food and snacks specifically for my mother. I also pay her insurance and she actually drives my other vehicle. She helps me because she loves being with her grandchildren and it helps me know my kids are cared for and loved. I also help her in every way I absolutely can. But weāre a great team when it comes to caring for all of the babes.
Your son should provide their food, not you. Snacks and such are different but meals he should be buying the ingredients or feeding them beforehand. But having them being there when theyāre usually sleeping us nothing. Cherish your time with them.
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If heās old enough to have kids heās old enough to understand you raised yours on your own and should realize being an involved grandma doesnāt mean you want to feel obligated to do so and you deserve some help. My solutions to him would be 1 find a sitter or 2 start helping some more, financially physically etc. either is fine but you canāt pour from an empty cup.
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I would love to only watch my grandson only 2-3 days a week. My daughter is a single mom and my husband and I have our grandson 5-6 days a week. They also currently live with us. I work 50+ hours a week plus babysit for free. Although we are financially solvent it is physically draining because of an autoimmune condition I have. I love my grandson more than anything, but the pandemic killed the childcare industry and short of her not working there were few choices left.
Ask him to come over and talk. Set some expectations and boundaries. If youāre providing care, he can provide something whether it be food, moneyā¦. Yāall decide. One thing Iād consider, is that he may get his pride hurt and not let you see the kiddos for awhile. It just takes time and communication (hopefully). Prayers momma that yāall can figure it out peacefully~š
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Tell him straight out you canāt babysit any more. Give him a time frame to find a new sitter. After that donāt open the door. If he dumps them on you then call CPS & tell them he abandoned them. Itās not selfish of you to want time for yourself. We all deserve it. Itās selfish of him to expect you to raise his kids. It sounds like heās not mature or selfless enough to have his kids.
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Iād have an honest conversation with him. Your son is a grown man who chose to have sex without protection. Why are we coddling him? Thereās a difference between loving your child unconditionally and holding them accountable while still being there to help them find solutions to the problem they created. He can either pay you or pay someone else double with the possibility of stranger danger. Nope, you did your part as a parent. Doesnāt matter if heās still your son. Okay. Heās your GROWN son who need guidance not a child who you are obligated to care for. I would be honest if youāre tired, youāre tired. If itās too much. Say you canāt do it or he can pay you $20-30 a week so you can have things for them and food if he canāt or wonāt provide. Meanwhile as a struggling single parent (if he is) he should see about qualifying for childcare assistance, food stamps and child support from the absent parents, if possible. Now if mother has passed on and he didnāt plan this type of life, be a little gentle and try to help him navigate such a foggy time for him Iām sure. Good luck!
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Maybe help him reach out to local county offices for assistance with daycare.
Stop buying clothes for the kids. Wash what they come over in after they change into jammies that stay at your house and put them back into those clothes. Your son is using you every which way from Sunday. You both know it. You have to stop it. Do you know anyone who could recommend a reliable baby sitter in your sonās neighborhood? Do you go to church or Shul? Is there a licensed sitter service you can call? You might consider performing the search yourself to make sure it gets done. Clearly your son is not taking your comments seriously or he has reason to believe you will back down.
Once you find someone to be the new sitter, you will want to sit your son down, at his home on a non-work night, and tell him āMs. Debbieā is going to be taking over babysitting duties for your shifts as you are no longer able to provide those services. You will pay for one night or two nights of sitter services and then your son is on his own. You might see if Ms. Debbie can come over and meet your son and the kids when you speak with your son. You could offer to watch the children if your son has to work on a day you have off with advance notice and consent. Seriously, youāve got to now be confrontational and forceful or this is going to continue. Your son has a good deal here: free sitter service, free food for the kids, free clothes. Why would he ever give that up willingly?
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Say it! Tell him to hire a sitter as you quit!
I wouldnāt. I would continue taking care of my grandkids 2 or 3 nights a week. I would never complain about helping my son with his children or having to buy them school clothes.
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U can still b supportive but yr son needs to consider where yr coming from. U need a life of yr own to. I feel he maybe doesnāt realize just how hard this is getting for u. How old r the kids?? Itās not being selfish to care about yourself. U raised yrs on yr own now its his turn to wk it all out. Donāt feel guilty. Donāt let him put a guilt trip on u either. Good luck. 
Iāve been there. You have several options. Clear communication is needed. Set babysitter options if needed have someone there ready to greet them to give you time or tell him to drop them off later. Hey can you bring .these snacks or this dinner for them. Etc
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