My son is a single Daddy of 2 young children. He works nights, so myself & the other Grandmother pitches in with taking care of the children. A part of me feels bad for thinking this, but the other part says it way overdue. But how do I tell him I can no longer babysit? Mind you, I also work 40+ hours a week. I’m home for 15 minutes & then they’re coming in. I love them all more than anything, but I have put my life on hold to help take care of the kids. It’s usually 2-3 nights a week. My son doesn’t help with anything. If the kids need anything while they’re here, I have to buy it. I’ve bought most of their school clothes. He leaves no cash whatsoever for food. This is a 1 income home. I’m just becoming mentally & physically exhausted. I’ve mentioned to him more than a couple times about finding a part time babysitter. But nothing ever gets done. I was also a single parent when my 2 kids were little. I worked & made sure i always had a sitter for them. I just feel stuck. And I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I tell my son I no longer want to babysit?
Just sit down and tell him
Time for a honest talk
Sit him down and have a talk with him .
You having it rough doesn’t mean he should if you can help. That being said you do not have to help.
Tho if you still would like to have them a couple times a week tell him he needs to start providing things for then food etc and if not then you can no longer watch them
Sit down and have an open and honest talk with him.
Be honest with him and if he gets upset that’s on him. Maybe he could get a job while they are in school so it works out. They have before and after school programs I’m sure.
Don’t say “blah blah blah BUT…” everything before “but” is bs. Just say I can no longer watch the kids. I’m tired from working so much and then taking care of them. If you need a small amount of help I am here for you. I just can’t do it anymore.
Sit him down with just you and him.
Be honest and tell him he needs to start providing for his kids. I’m a single mom and my mom watches my kids and I don’t expect her to provide anything for them, I provide everything from food, diapers, car seats and etc. If she has to buy anything, then I pay her back.
Talk to him and let him know how much stress you have experienced over this issue. Let him know that you still love him and kids, but having them with you so much us difficult…
So what are you gonna do when he is homeless or has to leave them home alone
Awwwww don’t feel bad. You can only do what you can do. You’re no good to anyone if you don’t care of yourself first. Just tell him like it is and remember You’re not wrong for feeling this way.
I would designate 1-2 nights a week and just be open & honest with him.
I’m a single mom and found a new job with hours that worked with my kids and babysitter. You’re a grandmother. Not a parent. I would have the talk because you will start getting resentful.
I think you need to suck it up and help your son out, start giving him a list of things to bring over the next time he comes. I really don’t know what I would do without my mom looking after my kids. When I was sending my youngest to a sitter I had to reduce my hours because I was picking her up and her pull up would be soaked to where her pants were even wet from pee, I had already had her potty trained to where she was telling me that she needed to go potty.
I understand you. I retired two years ago and had some of mine move in with Papa and I. I take care of 6 of ours outta our 11. I definitely am tired. It does keep me young I must admit.
It sounds like it’s time to have an honest conversation with him. I think you have done a great job being able to help to this point, but it sounds like it is no longer working out for you to watch them and that’s OK as well
What does he do for those 2-3 nights you are with the kids?
Wow I’m sorry he’s a single dad so more than likely he doesn’t have extra $ to pay a babysitter. As a single mom you should be understanding. I’m so thankful my mom watches my son when I work and for free. I give her $ if I have extra but she would never ask for it or say she can’t watch him. And she works too. She also helps buy him clothes and stuff.
I know it’s hard but by him being a single father. His day is going alot like yours. He has no time to himself as well.
How about doing it 1 night a week
Set one night a week aside for the grandkids and talk with him just be open and honest
Be honest. Tell him you love the kids but you are exhausted bc you also work. Tell him that you also can’t afford to keep buying all the things they need. Tell him you can still keep them maybe 1 or 2 nights a week when you’re off work if that’s something you’d like to do but also tell him that if they need things that he needs to either buy those things or leave some money so that you can. Yes they are your grandkids but if you can’t afford to buy what they need then he should do that bc they are his kids and you are keeping them for free. If you work 40+ hours a week you also need time to relax.
You need to speak up. You need paid and really don’t need to be babysitting. You plate is full already and you are being taken advantage of.
I mean you where a single parent u know how u felt I wouldn’t wanna leave him high and dry but tell him he needs to provide
Be straight up with him, you raised him well, Your job is done!
You have the right to your own life. Is he relying on the Grandmas cause he can’t afford a babysitter or is it trust? I would tell him you can do it once a week and the other Grandma once a week so then the rest can be done with a sitter. I travel for work and have grandbabies and I help when I can.
With him being a single parent and only having one income he should be able to qualify to state help with daycare. Have him start there. But id also suggest not leaving him high and dry. Give him a 2 weeks notice or so that way he can plan something else.
My in-laws use to help babysit my kiddos granted we did provided food diapers and everything in between but they were honest and said they felt more like a babysitter than grandparents and was just becoming alot on them which I completely understood they gave me 2-3 weeks to find a sitter. So I would just sit him down and be honest about it give him a time frame to start finding someone and when that time frame ends stick to your word. He will probably be upset and angry or he may not be but I always expect the worse out of every outcome so if they take it better than I thought it was relieving. It’s okay to just want to be a grandparent and not a babysitter.
My mom straight told me, when having to take care of my daughter, we need to do something different, it’s too much for me… So just be honest.
You have to put healthy boundaries in your life. Offer one night a week if you want to. This is your life and you have to take care of you as no one else will.
And this is why future generations won’t have elderly care. Remember when I needed help and you said you are on your own? Your turn
Just have a open conversation.
Just hey look I want to help BUT I’m feeling burnt out.
What solutions can we come up with so I can still help but am less burdened
He is grown. He can find a babysitter. YOU deserve a life also. He may get mad but trust me, it won’t last…
Talk to him and let him know how your feeling and that he has to help pay for things because if you keep on your just enabling him to do so. Best of luck. You have a life to.
Just have a conversation with him … at this point he’s taken advantage of your kindness… u have a life and raised your kids … sounds harsh but this is what my mom had to tell me and it makes sense … you’re grandma not a babysitter… and if he’s not helping u with supplies then that’s not fair
Have a talk with him. Don’t hold it in like this, because it can be huge and you won’t see the kiddos. He’s your son, not a stranger.
Maybe tell him it’s to much doing that many days n working full time so they need to find someone else but u could still be a bk up sitter here n there. Or just tell him I can only do 1 day a week cuz it’s to much working full time n babysitting that many days. I’m sure if u talk to him he will understand
I can’t even get my mom to babysit for an hour.
Things are hard these days. It’s crazy when you don’t have family to count on for help.
Open & honest talk with son…he should be more than willing to pay his way with HIS children,also helping you when the lawn needs mowing or things you need help with…I would never let someone else babysit my grand baby’s,
I’m now 29 and my mama has always kept my two kids on Friday’s I’ve never looked at it as her “place” to keep my kiddos but she’s always wanted to (she would also keep my brothers kids as well that’s a total of 6 kids every Friday night). A few months ago she came to me and said she couldn’t do it anymore she’s worn out she works all week as well. My response was I completely understand. I now take my kids to see her on saturday or Sunday. We go over for a few hours and just spend time with her and show her how appreciated she is because she IS. It’s not about what our moms can do as grandparents it’s about the relationship with their grandkids that’s important to me! She is taking care of her own health and that is important to me as well. She’s such a blessing as my mom and their grandma and that’s how things should be for you.
Its ok to take care of yourself once in a while, self care is important, and it sounds like to me hes taking advantage. what kind of parent doesnt provide necessities for the children while getting free babysitting? Daycare is costly he should be doing more for you. Put your foot down doesnt mean you love them any less.
When my son had his child I made it very clear that I am the grandma and not the baby sitter. (They live with me) I work full time too. I already put in my time raising my own. I need a break. I’m not about to start over with his kid. I help out during the day while they run an errand or take a shower, but ultimately that baby, that I love so much, is their responsibility, not mine.
Sit down and explain to him that he needs to contribute for one and that you can no longer be a babysitter
you’ve already raised your kids. you shouldn’t have to raise your GROWN ADULT child’s also. just MY opinion.
Just say look son, I work 40+ hours a week I need time for me. I don’t mind a night or two but you have really got to either get a job that has day time hours so he can take care of his kids or hire a sitter part time. It’s his job to make a manageable life and schedule for his home, not your job to make his life manageable for him. 🤷
I would ask him again to bring over what the kids need. I wouldn’t leave him high and dry.
Tell him he is wearing you out. That if gma wants to see these kids get grown… she has to pace herself and her health. Also, explain gently that you have never been able to put yourself first and now is your time. B4 it’s too late.
You are an example to him. Have a heart to heart with him. Tell him he needs to help more. You and him can work together. You don’t want to harbor hard feelings. Plus you are there a wonderful bonus for your grandkids. Life is hard, and you do give your all. What a great person you are.
I think your right he should sort his own sitter out. Having them 1 or 2 nights a week maybe ok but he should also definitely leave money and things for them. My dad when he was alive would have my son when I worked but 2 out of the 3 nights I came to his house once I finished. I worked evenings then the last night I wouldn’t have to but that was my dads choice. I’d always leave his favourite foods and drinks plus all clothes and suncream. My dad always bought him loads of stuff and loved being with him. When my mum was home from work they’d have him for the long weekend and he would always come back with more than I sent as they would buy him loads. When I stopped working he only stayed one night a week at my dads but there was weeks I’d call up and ask was he ok to have him and if he said no then I was fine with that as he’s my son not there’s. Sorry long post but I think you need to sit down with him and talk it all through so he knows you mean it.
He needs to at least drop off food and clothes/bath stuff and everything for them. Tell him needs to do that and maybe that just need to do 1 night a week from now on bc you are burned out as still working yourself.
Well, unfortunately daycare is much more expensive than it was when you were younger.
But, I don’t think anyone should watch a child that doesn’t want to. He’s going to have hurt feelings and probably be broke, but you’ll just have to tell him you don’t want to watch them. Maybe he’ll get a better job?
That just goes to show you that All grandmas are just not the same🙁
I have worked all my life and will take my grandchildren At anytime, anyplace,anywhere!!! Period!!!They are my JOY in life
The biggest issue is how you have enabled this situation to get worse and worse. It went from watching to paying for all items. My guess would be that you are used to giving and giving and now you are financially, mentally, and physically exhausted. That being said you have to have a very candid and confident conversation because other wise it will not just continue but it will get worse and worse until you’re finally completely burnt out and snap.
It’s just almost impossible to find a night shift babysitter ( I would think?!)
Your children have to grow up sometime and figure it out for themselves. I’ve raised my child alone. She went to daycare and if I needed sitter I found one myself…I never expected my parents to help at all…it’s not their child it’s mine…
Hurt his feeling if you must…it happens sometimes unfortunately but that’s life…
He doesn’t seem to be taking your feelings into consideration…so I would just be like look I can only watch the kids one night a week you’ll need to figure something out for the rest of the times…
Something I do is say. I can only watch them on these days. And stick to it becuz they will try to change ur schedule. I have to get my me time in or else I’m exhausted too.
Can he switch to daytime hours? Then he could be home evenings and nights with his kids.
Tell his ass to adult and start helping.
The babysitter out here want matching wages to the parents income. Without family I’m sure we’d be homeless to pay the sitter. I’m sorry I can’t support your feelings at all. I’m looking forward to the day I can make my kids lives easier
Show him this post. Bless you
Be firm and use" i messages" i am gma not a babysitter.
I wonder if you couldn’t tell him that you’re feeling overwhelmed, working so many hours, trying to keep your housework done, and babysitting so much… you’re not a spring chicken anymore. Maybe you could help out once in awhile if the babysitter gets sick or something, but you can’t keep up this pace.
Straight up tell him.
If I wasn’t grateful enough for mine before I certainly am now
Yikes. I’m glad I have a mother who loves watching my children and doesn’t feel like she’s putting her life on hold for them. 2 days a week? Really? Yeah he should be buying them food and clothes but 2 days a week doesn’t seem bad. It’s not like it’s every night. I don’t work but if I did my mother would gladly help out because she loves her grandkids.
No offense, but u obviously created this situation by allowing it in the first place. Now it’s just “expected” b/c that’s how it’s always been. Stop buying the stuff for the kids, tell him ur no longer babysitting, point.blank.period. If it takes u to just not be home when he tries to drop the kids off, do that. Put ur foot down, be honest, & stick to ur word. Ppl do what u allow, he’s not the first “single” parent, and u shouldn’t feel bad b/c u didn’t cause him to be a single parent in the first place. And tbh if u help him out THAT much, I wouldn’t even consider him a single parent, he’s just a single guy with kids. You should be the grandma, not the mother. Help him find a good day care if u have to, but u have to say something & stick to it if u want things to change.
Just say no can’t do it anymore or move Away ok
I totally get it. I ALWAYS had daycare even being self employed when I probably could have taken them. It’s a huge chunk of change too. Give son a deadline or drop to 1 day/ week.
Boundaries are hard sometimes but it will be hard either way.
Possibly it’s time to have that heart to heart responsibility and respect chat🤷🏻♀️
These kids today just take advantage of grandparents
I am also a grandma with a single daughter with two littles and I say be straight forward with him. Tell him the truth, even if it hurts, it’s better than you being constantly exhausted
You have done all you can do, but you have to say something and actually follow through with whatever you say your going to do
Your NOT a bad mom or a bad grandma for saying no more. We all have to live our lives.
Bless you, just tell him the whole truth and your worn out!
My mom flat out said she was not able to watch ours if we went out. It hurt a little, but she was being honest.
It would help ( even though it’s not your responsibility) to assist in finding a replacement.
He should certainly buy their food and snacks and offer to pay you. You come in from work and worry about what to cook for them and baths. You have put your life on hold. Just sit him down and tell him it’s time bcuz you’re tired.
I would have to be on death’s bed to suggest to my child to leave my grandbabies with a random stranger (sitter) in these crazy times than to leave them with me. Nope. If something were to happen to them in someone else’s care or he one day couldn’t afford it or can’t find a sitter and they were left alone I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
If he is bringing them at night and you are tired after work, then tell him they need to be bathed and walk with food when they get there. Then after they eat and wash up, everyone is in bed by 7-30- 8 pm. If they are school aged children that’s a decent bedtime. Then you have the rest of the night for yourself or to sleep. Make the situation work. Putting kids with strangers is never better than with a grandmother who loves and cares for them.
Also just because you had it hard with no help raising your kids does not mean you do the same to your own child. We are supposed to make life better for our children not as hard or worse.
Just my opinion.
Just tell him. He’s a big boy. He needs to handle his business.
His feelings are about him, yours are about you.
If he switches to daytime hours, he could find a daycare that offers assistance through government supplemental support. There’s companies that will pay for most of the cost of daycare. I’ve been lucky enough to get assistance for two years. I started out paying over $200 a week for both my kids, they helped with over half that. Just something to think about
I mean it’s 2-3 nights a week. That’s really not that big of a deal for YOUR grandkids. THATS YOUR BLOOD GIRL. As for the rest? Put your foot down and speak to him. Tell him no more free babysitting until he actually pays for his own childrens things.
You are the sitter he’s found, but you’re not wrong for feeling like he should be adjusting his schedule to accommodate his kids needs.
It’s time for grandma to finally start putting herself first. It might hurt some feelings, but your son should understand. You’re getting older and still running yourself ragged. Maybe 1 or 2 nights a week possibly? Does the other grandma work too? Does she help financially, with school clothes, etc? Maybe she can pitch in more? You need to have a frank talk with your son, mom.
You are the part time baby sitter two days a week are you kidding me
Go find him a sitter for his kids and then get them together
Well his grown and I’m sure he appreciates your help but your his mom and if haven’t asked for money then that’s why he don’t give you it tell him how you feel! Least it’s only 3 nights a week!
Maybe offer to watch them at least 1 night a week. That way you’re still helping, but not getting burnt out. Tell him that he needs to start providing his children with their school clothes, supplies, etc. If you haven’t been forthcoming in the past with how you feel, than he could be oblivious to it. I don’t know you, or your family dynamic, but I do know that some grandparents can take the reigns without realizing it, then get burnt out and frustrated. It could also be that he just doesn’t care, because he knows that you won’t let the children go without. Either way, a serious discussion needs to take place. At the very least, I’d give him 2 weeks to find alternative arrangements.
How old are the children?
So he’s using you as a free service to take care of his kids for him and won’t even pay for their clothes or food at all and you don’t want to hurt his feelings by not allowing him to use you like that anymore?
Its nice to have the grandkids like when you have some free time. Cause you also work. Let your son know how you feel. Hopefully he understands.
You need to tell him how you are feeling. Yes those are your grandbabies but they are his kids and you shouldn’t have to put your life on hold. It would be different if you offered here and there to take them. He is a grown man and needs to find someone else.
Offer to find a sitter for him. Could be he’s overwhelmed and just needs help with finding one. Let him know ahead of time how you feel and what to expect. Ask him how much he can afford to pay and start that way.
Look up how much babysitters want to be paid and then go from there. Aint nothing wrong with what you’re saying. But I always make sure that my nana gets to do what she wants too even though she’s retired. But I def can’t afford a babysitter whos wants my entire check (500\wk) and then some.
I mean you are a part time babysitter if you get them 2 night a week and maybe 3 times some weeks. If you don’t want to babysit them at all then just say that to him. Also you grandma on here are different. My mother would never choose leaving my child with a stranger over her. Heck, she’s liable to go to the babysitters and “rescue” them anyway lol. My niece said “grandma I don’t wanna go to daycare” and that was that. She was hanging with Titi and grandma for the day
I feel torn. If you know what a struggle it is to be a single parent with 1 income , and he is having trouble affording things it will be the grand kids who suffer. Perhaps say you can alternate 2 days a week one week following week 1 day? You absolutely shouldn’t be the sole bearer financially . Maybe poking around more directly will help
Wow. Some of these heartless comments. I do not think a parent expecting their child to provide for their own children means that they don’t love their grandchildren. Eventually, he’s going to need to grow up and handle his own responsibilities and let grandma be the grandma again and not the babysitter. Where did this mentality come from that grandparents are OBLIGATED to be free child care? If you have that— cool. Good for you, don’t take it for granted because that is a luxury not a RIGHT!
I’m sorry for the position you find yourself in - mainly because a few short months ago I found myself in the same place and it ended badly. My daughter and I are no longer in contact and I’ve only seen my grandchildren once since. I wish you the best of luck. X
He needs to find a daytime job. He should adjust his schedule and you assist when needed. But even though it’s 2-3 days it’s like another job and with two kids it’s a lot. Tell him the truth.