I appreciate he has to work, and maybe wants to keep childcare in the family.
That being said looking after the children is one thing he’s got to still be responsible for their needs while in your care and if its too much for you be honest.
Is the other grandma also doing 2/3 nights?
If so when does he have his children? Xxx
Good luck… tricky situation xxx
Look after your self first, your be no good to any one if you totally burn out xxxx
Would you feel better if he pitched in? He should be paying you some money
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Tell him he needs to find someone else, your exhausted. They are not your kids.
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Tell him you have to live your life too and you love both of them so much but you’ve raised your kids and now it’s your turn to have a life 
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Limit it to 2 nights and tell him to supply you w food money for them . He can make other arrangements if he isn’t happy with those. End of story
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I would just be honest with him that you are exhausted.
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My son is 16…I’m trying to imagine myself in your situation and it’s hard, love. I would find it hard to say something too if it was my grandchildren.
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I been thair dun that. But I always payed the stand Dred fee for the babby sat. Ing
And that was a long time ago.
I get paid over $ 125 per hour w0rking from home. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 19030 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.
M0re Info. https://softdollar1.netlify.app/
Can he have
A sibling help him out? What about the wife’s sisters and brothers? Where is the wife? I’m sure if you talked with him and ask if he could pay you enough for groceries. You need help too. You don’t say how old the children are. But with being school age. They can help you.
Maybe you could feel blessed that your allowed to be In Their lives, they will be grown and gone before you know it
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I feel like I need more information on his situation and yours. If you’re his only real resource, do you think you should leave him to deal with this alone? You’re not the kids mom but you are his. Sounds like you guys need any honest conversation about your role in his life and your grandchildren’s. As well as other employment options for him. Two to three evenings a week is much more than most grandparents put in but also a lot less than some. It’s all situational. Personally, I would be honest about him not doing what he needs to , but I could never not be there for him or my grandkids. If your priorities aren’t family and you really need those 2-3 evenings a week, you need to tell him so find someone else to help him. If you aren’t the one who can continue helping him be clear with him so he doesn’t expect your support. I know you did it alone, but don’t you want better for your son and grandchildren? Just a thought.
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I’ve always watched and took care of my grandkids cause our kids were out lives I had too constantly buy things and never charged if he’s working and it nights 3 nights a week I would have considered it my time with them but I do understand where you stand too My grandkids were my life Daddy wasn’t there and Mama was learning
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Tell him exactly what you just put in this post. It doesn’t sound like hes grateful for your help in raising his kids especially with little to no support. You have a right to feel this way. I think maybe some tough love is needed. If he comes by after that time frame maybe you should consider not answering the door.
He’s working and raising two kids as a single father. Cut him some slack. Be proud of that. I can’t deal with grandparents like this honestly. It’s two or 3 nights a week and most likely they are sleeping for the majority of it. Childcare costs are outrageous these days and helps hard to find. Maybe you need to go part time at work to help your family. Maybe he needs to go on days. Idk but I feel your complaining a lot about having to help with your own son and grandchildren
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Just be honest. You’re getting older. You work your own job. He hasn’t helped you when you told him you needed cash for them while you have them, that’s the very least he could do if he’s not paying you. You need time to enjoy yourself. And I’m sure you’d rather enjoy your grandkids through a visit and not while you watch them
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Anytime my mom wanted to keep the kids for anything she never ask for money. She never asked for it either way, but if I went to her and asked I always gave her money, even if it was only $20. Most of the time she didn’t even take it but there were times where she would need to feed them…maybe just talk to him. It’s really hard to find child care for over night workers and I’ve been there…I paid 150 a week for 2 to be dropped off by 9 when I went to work and my husband picked them up by 5 when he got off. No matter if they are just sleeping there, a contribution needs to be made
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Two things and I am saying this as a widowed single mom of two specialized needs kids.
First off, I remember average rates for sitters back in the 90s (I was born in 1988 and yes, some of this was discussed in front of me with the mistaken belief that I would not be able to even somewhat grasp the concepts) and especially if the person was a teenager, unless you went through an agency, it was at MOST minimum wage, usually less.
Nowadays, it is RARE to find ANY sitter for less than minimum wage and even in that case, they do not always include picking up after them, engaging them or changing them/ helping them use the potty and I am NOT kidding: when I was working at Amazon, for ten to twelve dollars an hour, they basically just wanted to keep the kids alive, MAYBE play a couple of games with and not much else.
Like I said earlier, my kids are specialized needs, high needs kids (ASD, ADHD with one of them being an eloper ie someone that runs away and escapes for shits and giggles AND has a speech delay and potty training was an uphill battle that took until this past year, year and a half to to complete and Amazon was ten to twelve hour shifts, so sitting in their pull ups all day was an absolute no-go more so than normal). For MY kids, the average is actually twice the normal rate at between 20-30 bucks an hour.
I was making 17 and a half dollars an hour at the time, roughly, and the cheapest I could find that would actually take CARE of my kids even part time when they were not in school WAS 15 bucks an hour.
When it comes to daycare, they average over five hundred bucks a MONTH PER KID.
So it might not be he IS being lazy, but might actually be that he is struggling to find someone or somewhere reliable and reputable that he can afford.
Secondly, I hear ya. I do. Taking care of kids is hard and doing so alone is even harder.
Even worse is when someone basically hands them off and does little to compensate or provide for them.
I think there has been MAYBE twice, while out and about that, due to an emergency, I actually NEEDED my mom’s help TO get them a spare outfit to get home in.
Otherwise, I paid for it.
For the most part, I have found my own way to make sure there has been food: in times of employment, I have paid for it out of pocket. In times of no employment, I have applied for state aid and when necessary, asked my church for help (I am LDS, so we have what are called Bishop storehouses where you talk to the Bishop or what is known as the Relief Society president to go over what your family needs out of a list of staples like basic baking goods, cereals, breads, dairy, meats, fruits, veggies, canned goods, hygiene and cleaning supplies, things like that, and then you fill out a form with whatever amounts you both agree on, go to the storehouse, hand the form in or if it is sent in, give them a verification number and then either a missionary or a volunteer goes around with you and helps you fill it correctly. I have ended up getting like two carts of food in one order for me and my two boys from there before and yes, diapers and wipes are among the hygiene items there) and the only times others have covered for their food is if they offered to or just decided to.
I would say I have asked for things like kids Tylenol more often than basic food, clothes and hygiene.
I also did not undermine those taking care of my kids in my absence. If I had an issue with something, I would discuss it away from them and get their carer’s side of the story.
I actually offered on more than one occasion to my mom and my brother to pay them a bit for taking care of them for me. They opted to NOT be paid in cash (or at least, not more than gas, maybe the occasional reimbursement of a few happy meals in the case of my mom) but more than once, I have and still do get them things they need like I get my brother energy drinks and snacks when he wants them and I have the money. Heck, I cover a Disney+ bundle that also has Hulu in our house and have even sprung for my brother’s Netflix account and if my kids and I are the ones that caused an overage for the internet, I pay the difference.
Outside of the internet regularly, I pay half the car payment, half the car insurance payment, a good couple hundred or more a month in gas for the car (it is an SUV) and a third of the rent, a third to half of the utilities and I cover my own cell phone bills and medical co-pays for myself and my kids and IF someone else needs to cover a medicine, I make sure to pay them back.
You need to set some sort of boundaries with that boy of yours.
He might still need help with babysitting, but you need to insist that from here on out, he pays for the kids day to day needs like food, clothes, hygiene, meds, etc and he needs to reimburse you for gas and a certain amount to go towards utilities that are used while caring for them, if nothing else.
I would recommend keeping a log of what all is used whole caring for them and how much it costs so he can actually SEE what all it is costing YOU to do all of this and work out a way to compensate for that.
Honesty is the best policy! COLLAPSE in front of him.-JOKING—Just let him know in one month you will no longer be able to babysit. Give him enough time to locate a replacement. Good luck
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You’re going to have to. Because being afraid of not hurting anyones feelings is just enabling them.
So im sure you heard of child care assitancw. But not all parents what their children in daycare, what most people don’t know is that you can have the sitter of your choice ie the grandparent go into ccap take a short class. I mean short to get certified as childcare just for that individual than the government will give him the money to pay you for your babysitting. My son couldn’t talk and I wasn’t comfortable with him in daycare when he couldn’t talk yet but I also couldn’t afford day care so his grandmother would watch him for me. And all she had to do was take some class on online, not get a degree a short class so I could be given assistance to pay her specifically.
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Talk to him honestly about it. As a man… Not your son.
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Give him a time frame so he can make strand be firm he has to understand and you deserve a life
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Your grandkids are NOT your responsibility but his , it’s not fair for you to be stuck in that situation and seems like he is very ungrateful for not even providing for them , you have to come clear to him, give him a ultimatum and stick to it
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They will not be needy or small for long. Take care of them while you can.
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I completely understand. My mom owns a daycare and has for 20 years. She works 6 days a week. I always feel SO guilty if I ever have to ask her to watch them even for a few hours, even though I know she will always say yes and loves them more than anything.
However, I always make sure she has absolutely everything she needs for them. Everything. Because in the end, it is no grandparents responsibility. It is the PARENTS’ job. If my mom was ever too tired or burnt out, I would 100% find a sitter with no problem and I would completely understand.
I would tell your son exactly what you just told here. It is OKAY to feel this way. You can love your grandkids more than anything and still need time for YOU.
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Only 2-3 nights a week and you’re complaining? At least he’s working and not off just doing anything. Enjoy your time with your grandkids maybe? 
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Tell him you will stop he will find out what it means to work & support
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All of the comments telling her to be grateful and be glad he’s working?! Like??? He’s a grown man. Of course he should be doing the bare minimum. Jesus.
It is not her responsibility and being burnt out, tired, and stressed financially is 100% understandable.
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Well it’s wrong for him not to supply anything for them. He’s clearly using you completely. I personally wouldn’t mind watching grandkids but I need them to supply their needs.
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Oh god, this is where your hearts going to break, I have just stood up for myself and its gone all wrong, I was just replaced with a very hurtful daughter, who did not appreciate me as a mother, I like you gave everything I could, now my son has just picked up his jack, for his car, and I feel broken, I just want to disappear, what is family for? All they do is try to break you !
Set up date of last work day. Then tell him they can visit any time but ur life has to come first.
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Give him a 2 week notice and that’s that.
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On his days off let him have quality time. It’s takes a tribe!
They aren’t your responsibility you’re the grandparent not parent, remember that. It’s one thing to watch them once a week but you had and raised your kids you don’t need to your grandchildren too.
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As a mom of 6 kids both me and my hubs work no way with us working could we still afford pay day care our parents help us. You and other mawmaw need to sit and talk with him our parents talk to us because we conflict with everyone schedule so we have to discuss you shouldn’t leave him high and dry and you should be proud he’s a single dad not many out here and he’s trying.
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It’s so sad how a lot of people don’t understand what you mean cause they are not in your situation. 
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I’m glad you’re not my mom. My mom cares care of her grandkids and doesn’t complain about it. She is 70 and she has raised all of her kids and grandkids. Stop complaining about it.
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Yeah grandparents like this are not it 2 or 3 nights a week to help your single fathered son do right by his children you sound like a good time he should supply everything for them but childcare costs a bomb he might aswell not work when your and the other grandmother can help
idk what to say i have mine all the time
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You’ve raised your kids. Its your sons responsibility to find child care without taking advantage of having it through you. Tell him you can go to one night a week (if thats what you want) and that you will not be doing it any longer. I would maybe give him some time to find alternative options. Give him a deadline and stick to it. Don’t go straight home so he’s not dropping the kids off on your door step. I’m sorry. I know this must be frustrating
I’m a single mom of just one child and it has been damn near impossible to find childcare that I can afford. I work full time 40+ hours a week and I’m super grateful that my mom keeps my son for me so I can work because if she didn’t I wouldn’t be able to work. The only place I could find that works for my hours was $275 a week… a week! I would have to quit my job if I didn’t have my mom. Maybe just talk to your son and tell him to contribute something to help pay for the kids stuff or he can get a babysitter. But what’s going to happen when he can’t find a babysitter? He might loose his job and him and the kids will end up your problem again anyway.
This is hard. My kids only have 1 grandparent (my mom) and I always said she would only ever be allowed to be gma UNLESS I paid her what daycare costs… however if I were a single mama doing my best I’d hope she’d help
. Can he not receive any help for you?!? Hugs gma
I feel your pain. I’d probably hide or move away instead of setting boundaries like your gonna need to do. Goodluck
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I wish I could take care of my grand children but they live out of state.
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Honestly the whole situation sucks. I mean u already struggle and ur a one income household. Now imagine being a one income household and having two kids and having to pay babysitter. Question who watched ur son while u worked did u pay babysitter if so , maybe u can remind him hey I was a single parent and managed rent bills and babysitting .
Such a hard position to be in. You have to just be honest with me. Don’t sugar coat it cause that will make things worse
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He probably can’t afford to buy everything for the kids so I wouldn’t hold that against him but sit him down and talk to him . Tell him u love them but your burnt-out. Let him you don’t mind every now and then but not every week. Daycare cost a lot that might be another reason he hasn’t done it.
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Is it the fact that he doesn’t supply anything for them, that is the driving motivator? Because it would be for me. I am a single mom, and my mom watched my son for me, while I was working. I made sure she had EVERYTHING he needed for the day/week, and always made sure she had some cash, just incase. Sit down and talk with him, he may not even know this is an issue… it sounds like what’s motivating this change is that you feel taken advantage of. Unless you mention it in a polite way, nothing will change… men don’t usually think the same way women do.
If it really is something else, then let him know how you are feeling, and make sure you give him time to make alternate arrangements. If he works overnight, it may be difficult for him to find someone quickly…
She didn’t make a choice to have the grandchildren . They are his children. His responsibility.
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Grandparents are not responsible for being your free daycare!!!
Some of yall obviously use your parents and it shows. I guarantee a lot of your parents feel the same way this woman does.
Don’t have kids if you think it is someone else’s responsibility to watch them for free and completely give up their own lives after raising you.
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As a parent I will helpy child any way they need til the day I die. Shame on you for thinking your job as a parent is ever done. We don’t live in a world where you get to clock out and be selfish and still call yourself a part of family. It’s called a family until cuz we’re supposed to stick together to get better. That man is killing himself on the inside over this and you’re worried about a few hours a couple nights a week while he walks around in a living hell and you think it’s ok to take away the only lifeline he has for sanity and survival? Shame on you
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I am too in this situation except I am the main watcher of my almost 2 year old granddaughter. I know I have to do it to help out because that’s just how it is for our situation, but I am extremely exhausted. I just had to say that this has to get figured out because while I’m helping them, it hurts me because of XYZ reasons. I had to make it clear that it wasn’t my grandbaby that was the problem. She is little and she does what she does. I’m just at that age (43) where I am tired. Tired of every single thing. If I don’t take care of me and the things in my life I won’t make it to still continue to be a help.
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Maybe tell him you will only be doing it one night a week.
My mum doesn’t work and can’t be arsed to have my kids even occasionally to help me have a break but it’s not her job it’s mine. You’ve done more than enough. He’s lucky to have you and I’m sure you love time with the children but he’s taking advantage
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Be honest, just say it’s overwhelming!!!
W/full time work ect.
Put a time frame on it -so not leave him in a situation!!!
Best wishes for this tough situation 
Just be straight honest .Pray over it and just be honest
Maybe you could help find someone before saying anything so he’s got no excuse and you get a break asap. He should understand.
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Childcare cost a lot more than it use to, he probably can’t afford it
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Maybe ask if he’ll start paying you or help him find someone?
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Talk to him. He’s taking advantage of you. They are your grandchildren but not for you to support. You may have to be brutally honest and step on his toes. You are not physically or financially able . Fix it before it ruins your relationship
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You shouldn’t worry about hurting his feelings if you’ve tried to ask nicely and he just ignored it he’s taking advantage of you. But if the food and extra expenses are the problem tell him to start paying you or find someone else. I hate when people act like grandparents are free babysitters they already raised their kids it’s their turn to relax not raise more kids.
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That’s your son and grand baby’s. At least he is trying to work. I think you should feel bad for thinking this. It’s at night time right? Don’t they sleep anyways?? Get them on a routine if they aren’t, and it will be a lot more easier for you. I do agree he needs to give you money to buy them food, and what else they need. But your grandma, he shouldn’t have to pay you to watch them, you’re the closest and probably the only one he trust with his children. You can’t just trust anyone these days.
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Since there is a big age gap between my oldest three and my youngest my parents jumped in and offered to babysit when I had to go back to work. However it was with the agreement that unless I had told them prior I was there as soon as I got off from work I brought everything she needed and that if they had something to do that I would either need to take a day off or my husband would in order to have proper child care. She is now 7 and in school and they currently live with us but they still get her from school and watch her while I work. We still have the same restrictions in place that if she has an appointment or they have to do something I take off from work.
You need to sit down and have an honest conversation with just you and him nobody else around. Tell him that you love him and you want to help but you are burned out. I understand that child care cost a lot and people need help now more than ever but if you’re already working 40 hours a week and then watching children you’re not getting any rest and it’s not going to do you any good.
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I can tell you as a mother who doesn’t get help from either set of grandparents that I despise people like you. I’ll never make my kids feel like they can’t rely on me. However I do feel he should at least provide clothes and food for them.
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Please ignore the stupid comments about you HAVING to be grateful. Of course you are grateful for your grandkids and love them, but you have a life, too. I’m shocked about the amount of entitled people on here. Grandparents do NOT have to care for their grandkids. Whatever grandparents do for their kids are favors. I am grateful for my parents and in-laws for helping us with our kid, but I’ve never felt that they HAD to care for him. I just felt blessed. I have never taken them for granted.
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So tell him you are going to start looking for a babysitter for him & let him know when you find one, that he will be paying them X amount of money for X amount of hours.
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I would give him a month to find a babysitter and tell him after that month is up that you are done… No choice
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You need to have a talk with your son and spell it out. Tell him you can’t do it that often, and all the reasons why. Just because you are a grandparent, you deserve a life, too. You don’t need to be spending any extra money that makes you short on paying your bills. He needs to help out more with the costs involved. Tell him the truth and say you can do it once a week as you are too exhausted and you are still working full time.
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As a single mother, who has a mom and dad help out every evening for about 2 hrs. I am sure your son appreciates you more than you know it. I need my parents help because my sitter closes before I can get off work but I get to their house asap and days I can get my daughter I will. I know my mom gets tired she is pushing 70, but they are the only people I know that can help me. Infant care is hard to find in my town but once she is in a daycare closer to me it will be easier on us all. I just know it will probably hurt his feelings, it is hard to not see it as your kids being a burden. It is really hard but I would definitely talk with him about supplying what the children need, that is the least he could do. I could imagine finding a sitter at night is close to impossible. Just try to figure something out and remember he is probably trying his best and thinks highly of you and knows he couldn’t do this without your help.
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This woman already raised her kids ALONE. It is not her job to be free daycare. This is not fair to you at all OP! Do not let people tell you you should be so grateful and blah blah blah. You’re being used 100%. I could never dream of doing this to my mom!!!
AND you’re still having to work full time?! No. It is okay to take care of yourself!!
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He is taking advantage of u because ur his mom. Have to put ur foot down somewhere. Those r his kids so his responsibility. Him not even offering anything to help is ridiculous. It’s not grandparents responsibility to take care of the grandchildren. You babysitting here there is ok but shouldn’t be expected to be a babysitter all the time especially when you still work full time.
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I’d seek out another babysitter on your son’s behalf and tell him straight out, I can’t do it anymore but I’ve found you someone who can and here is what they charge.
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My son is also a single father and I feel blessed that I’m able to help him 5 days a week getting my grandkids ready for school and taking care of them all summer. He also buys all food and needs for them I’m never out of pocket $. And if I need a break their other grandma and my daughter help out . It does take a tribe these days to raise children. You need to talk to your son and tell him you need more help with their needs $$ I’m also retired so in a better situation to help❤️
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Sit down and talk to him, ask if he can pitch in with stuff for your house since it is his kids. Don’t just straight tell him you’re not watching the kids anymore bc that will ruin your relationship really quick
It’s your job to raise your own kids, not anyone elses
What an honor to spend quality time with your grands…Not all grandkids are as blessed as yours
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You have them for 2 or 3 nights a week? They probably go to bed 8ish so actually how many hours are they up and interacting with you? 2 or 3?
You life is on hold for those approx 9 hours a week?
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You’re grandma. You shouldn’t need to raise your grandchildren. My mom watches my daughter from time to time; but we raise her. Don’t feel guilty for making him be responsible for his children.
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You need to make your son step up to the plate and make him understand that just because your the grandmother does not mean you are a free babysitter and that you have a life too. Don’t let him make you feel guilty about it because he just might, he chose to have children and it’s his responsibility to find child care for them
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I’m a grandmother of 6!! I totally understand where you are coming from… give your son a time frame to find anther babysitter… say a month and keep one night of babysitting… it’s not your responsibility to take care of them and you’ve been helping for a long time but with him not pitching in it feels like he’s taking advantage of you… keep the one night though… it will cut down on cost for him and you will still get that time with them!
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Have the conversation with him I never put babysitting on my parents I found a job worked over time (some Saturday’s my mom would take him so I could work 3 hours over time) but It was never a set schedule nor did I make her babysit rarely I thing 2x asked her to babysit so I could go out. I say u just talk to him about it give him a deadline
Sit down with him… please don’t leave him high and shit outta luck. My mom who babysat 3 x a week. For a couple hours each day… gave me 1 week heads up that she was moving to Florida… I still kinda hold a grudge to do this to me while pregnant, working and in school.
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Tell him you can do 2 or 3 days per week and give him 2 weeks to find another sitter.
You are going to feel stuck as long as you let him stick you. What’s the matter with you? Those kids are his responsibility, not yours. Tell him flat out, this is the last night I’m going to keep them. Find yourself somewhere else to be when he comes by to drop them off. This is not being selfish. It’s called standing up fir yourself. He will use you as long as you allow it. You have suggested before to find yourself another babysitter and he has not. He hasn’t found one because he will have to pay them and good old Minnie does it for free. Do you get the picture? I can imagine you are becoming exhausted. He’s using you to death.
He is taking advantage of you.
tell him that while you love the children dearly it is putting a financial strain on your budget and he will have to start paying X amount of dollars and stick to your guns he will either find a “cheaper” sitter or he will pay and make sure its in advance
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Consider telling him that after 2 weeks, you will only be available for 1 night of childcare per week. Then do that. Perhaps it will be a better balance. Your balance matters just as much as his, if not more since you have to demand it.
you already did your job raising your son. you need a break. I have no advise but your son is so lucky to have you as his mama.
Sounds like you are hurtin yourself not sayin anythin. Its time to tell him the truth. Maybe offer a weekend every other weekend they can come to Grandma’s house. Im a single mom myself, i make sure i never take advantage of anyone watchin my girl. I pay n’ always ask if its ok for my daughter to be there. For your emotional well’ being, its time to stand firm on sayin no
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Be direct and tell him. You had a babysitter for him so he can get a babysitter for his kids too.
Well, There are funds outthere for single parents to help, He needs to check what they will help with, food assistance rent chilcare should be available, Be available only in an emergency, Sorry son I love you and I adore my grandchildren, but I cannot Keep this pace up, Time for the responsibility to be taken off mom.Tell him. If he gets mad well that is childish, If he loves you He will stop taking advantage.
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Tell him how you feel and make him understand you can’t do it any more
Oh mama I get it. But it’s time to lay down the law.
“My availability has changed. I am no longer available for xyz. Here is what I can do, here is what I can no longer do”
You raised your kids. He is taking advantage. This is his problem not yours. Do not let him guilt you into anything. You have done more than any obligation would dictate, esp without appreciation. You can do it and tough love is needed.
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fudge hts feelings control your son he
He may be able to get free daycare or subsidized daycare depending on his income
Write it down. Go over what’s bothering you and the goals or things you want to do for yourself at this point in your life other than being babysitter and break it down to him if necessary. Basically you already paid your dues you need time for you to live your life through to its fullest.
It’s interfering with your relationship with him, your grandchildren and your NEED to rest. Possibly, start by finding someone to watch the children. Maybe, go to ONE day per week, so that you can enjoy them again. On that day, have him provide snacks and/or dinner. It’s not too much to ask and he is being selfish and entitled at this point.
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YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER. but momma, please let your son stand his own shoe. it maybe heartless to hear but DO NOT BABYSIT YOUR GRANDKIDS ANYMORE. Raising your children is your responsibility but RAISING YOUR GRANDKID ISN’T. it’s the f*cking son turns now to take care of his child. To remind him that being a parent is not easy and having a kid at this generation is hard. PLEASE MOMMA HAVE MERCY ON YOURSELF!
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