How can we fix our intimate life?

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, together for 11 years. We have one child together and never argue or fight about anything. We are very happy together and have never had a desire to change anything about our relationship… Here recently one particular aspect of our relationship has gotten to me. I have a higher sex drive than him and it is causing issues. We are a once a month kind of couple and I am more of a several times a week kind of person. I would never want to pressure him or make him feel like he has to be intimate, but I am feeling unseen and unappreciated. We both work full time. When I get home from work I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and child care responsibilities. When he gets home dinner is ready and he sits on the couch until bedtime. He does mow the grass and weed eat on the weekends. I have begun attempting to initiate intimacy and every time he turns me down because he’s too tired or doesn’t feel good… Last weekend I broke down crying because I felt so rejected and he caved in and we did it. It was definitely done out of pity and I don’t want to ever feel that way again. I know infidelity is not an issue. He isn’t talking to anyone else, he just isn’t interested. He does get very possessive when a guy talks to me or looks at me. I want to say why do you care if they pay attention because you certainly don’t?! But I don’t want to hurt his feelings…I guess I’m looking for advice on how to handle this. What to do… I want to protect my marriage and I know sex is not everything but it IS a big thing especially when it’s not there.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can we fix our intimate life?

He probably needs to go get his testosterone levels checked. Low sex drive is a sign.

<3 Have him talk to his doctor about testosterone. Sometimes it’s a sexual health issue and the reason they aren’t feeling it is because they have low T. Sometimes it’s hard for men to discuss that stuff with their partner or doctor but it’s super important that you have this same conversation you had with us, with him!!! He needs to know how you are feeling inadequate, left out, and looked over. <3 :heart::orange_heart::yellow_heart::green_heart::blue_heart:


Humans are sexual beings. Please don’t feel bad for this being an important issue. I can’t say for sure but I do find it very concerning that he’s not interested in sex combined with being possessive and jealous. My abusive ex withheld sex as a tactic to isolate me and make me feel undesirable and unworthy, while also being extremely possessive. You say you never fight but it doesn’t sound like there’s a fair division of labor in the relationship either. I would definitely consider counseling (couples and individually) to get to the bottom of if this is truly a healthy relationship.

Talk to him. Tell him exactly what you just told us. Communication is so important. Incorporate toys if his sex drive isn’t high. Maybe you guys can set a day a week and every other day he cab use a toy on you. Communication is always the number one thing to fix anything in a relationship though.

I have lots of guy friends that were having this issue with their wives. They went to the dr and it turns out their testosterone was low. They get a shot and let’s just say their wives are CONSTANTLY smiling now.


Males over the age of 30 often have a drop in testosterone production which basically kills sex drive… he can have his levels tested and get testosterone replacement… Try and convince him to talk to a Dr. It also helps with energy, motivation and overall mood…

He might be depressed. Going to work, coming home, and sitting on the couch till bed. Then repeat the next day cam get you in a mental funk. Try to do things out of the norm. Maybe a regular date night


Ask if he’ll go to doctor and see about something to help with his sex drive.
And / or get a vibrator and take care of yourself. There is nothing wrong with that.
Best of luck :crossed_fingers:

Check out the meds he’s on


If hes on antidepressants that can cause that also.


maybe he dont like sex … i dont like sex lol its not enjoyable

Most likely its a medical issue. Or depression. A doctor’s visit to discuss this symptom is in order.


Throw yourself into yourself. Find things that you like to do. Don’t depend on him too much for your happiness. This will draw him closer to you, and you will be more appealing to him.


I have a high sex drive too and I get where you’re coming from. We’re more of a 4 x’s a week, (more if I can get it) type couple. TMI maybe, but if you don’t hate giving head, it’s always good to randomly throw it in there. Good luck, I’m sorry you feel that way. <3

Spice thing up ,change rutine, go on a weekend just the two of yall

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to buy a toy. Keep it hidden close to the bathroom. When you go in to take your shower take a radio in with you and play some music each time. Use your toy to take care of yourself. That will give you some relief without messing with your husband. And if he happens to get frisky later, bonus!


I am on antidepressants and it KILLS my sex drive. When I’m not on them I’m a different person sex wise but unfortunately I need them to help my anxiety/depression. It’s a double edge sword.

Is he on any meds? Is he depressed? Low testosterone? All of this can affect sex drive. Good luck!

Try approaching in the morning before he has a tiring day. Set your alarm 20-30 minutes early and see if he’s more willing in the am


Testosterone therapy is the answer.


Ask him for a hall pass.


What I’m confused about is this… .u been together 11 yrs & never argue or fight ?? How is that possible ?? But ne way…try a date night once a week…try working on not being so focused on sex or it WILL REALLY become an issue in ur relationship step back & let it happen naturally

Communicate with him. Ask him if it is you,or if he just no longer has an interest in sex… it happens with aging. If he has lost interest, maybe try to switch things up. Go to a sex store and introduce new things. Start doing things that you did when the sex was great…but most of all, don’t pressure him. Don’t make him feel less than. Not saying you have. But I know intimate rejection hurts, makes you wonder what is wrong with you. I hope it works out for you both. Good luck.

I don’t know who you are, but you wrote the exact words that were in my head about my marriage. I’ve started taking people’s advice and getting my own hobbies and now go to the gym 4x a week so I can occupy my mind and body. But I still feel undesirable and my husband rarely initiates any kind of intimacy. I have no advice but I want you to know you’re not alone at all.


Going threw the exact same thing 11 year married 4 with 4 kids. I had a deep discussion the other night. After I poured him a rye. I let him know motherhood and carring for the family non stop I feel unattractive and unappreciated as they got used to me just Doing it. He felt Uber bad but understood as us woman have hormanal things too as they don’t (I always use that when he doesn’t seem to get it) we’ve been way better ever since. Minus him getting to sleep in every damn day

Once a month is good who needs all tht extra just let me sleep :sleeping: and get up the next day and live life dang


Happened to my husband because of t1d. He won’t see a doc about his sexual health. It’s been more than 18 months here. I’m so past bothering to initiate. I didn’t like how it made me feel when he clearly didn’t want it. Annnnd this is where we are now.
I’ve found out over the years it’s extremely common. More common this way than the other, as in women not wanting it and men wanting lots. really.


You’ll be fine get over it if he loves u then big deal sex isn’t everything

Nutrition and exercise to help him with his drive and libido.
Our bodies are so bombarded with chemicals and harsh foods that our hormone levels deplete.
So aim for whole foods, plants, and lean meats.
Daily exercise - 30 minutes a day is all you need

Finding a good multivitamin. has a nourish him and her liquid vitamins.
Increase hydration.

These help me. I am very much if I am not healing my body and staying healthy I have a very low sex drive.

Try a night away together. Date each other again.
Cook dinner together, do in home monthly date nights
Learn his love language and fill his cup that way but be open what your love language is.

See I’m the other way round, I used to be into it all the time and now I’m not, it might be how he’s feeling within himself, maybe ask if he’s OK and reassure him that he’s in a safe conversation with no judgement!! Hope it goes well for you both.


Makes me wish I’d been freer with my sexuality when I was younger tbh. I hope my kids are comfortable so when they are older they don’t feel how I do now. I never expected to be in this position.


Ok… this may be a little long but bare with me.

My husband and I have been together since we were 14. We started having sex at 15. We would have sex as often as we could (hints the fact we started having kids at 16) and even after 3 pregnancies (we lost baby #2) so we were still pretty active …at 18 we were still really active got pregnant with baby #3(our rainbow baby) from 18 to 20 we were still really active (as many times as we could. Got pregnant with baby#4 at 20. Had baby #4 and that’s when we started having issues… he was stressed to the max and my body started acting like I didnt want to even though I really did. So between him being stressed and not being able to perform in a sense and my body wanting to dry up like a prune we went through a pretty long dry spell. Now we kinda alternate (we are 32 now , so maybe age? Idk) we have days where we cant get enough of it…and then there can be a month or two gap. I’ve hit a point where my sex drive has increased massively but I’m on a "find the right med journey " due to Anxiety and depression , so when we do have sex sometimes I cant cross the finish line and it bothers us both so emotions run very high. Point is men go through sexual issues just like us. Maybe he is stressed? Maybe he is having some emotional issues? Maybe he is tired? It could be a number of things. My husband’s dad was diagnosed with Glioblastoma In November of 2020 so from then until his dad passed this February our sex life was just about non existent. Talk with him…but dont push because like I said it could be anything.

Have is primary care run a full blood panel to include micronutrient deficiencies & testosterone…


Men reach sexual peak early 20s then there testosterone drops by 1% every year from 30 I believe may be a doctor trip wouldn’t be so bad


He should probably get his testorerone checked. It’s normal for a drop to happen to some men. Also, make a date night. Live life. Get off the couch. Depression can creep in and you don’t even realize that’s what it is. Routine is cool, I get it but have a movie night. Get a babysitter and got out. Reconnect.
And talk to him. Of her isn’t willing to work to compromise or anything, you’ll have to make decision.

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It’s very difficult when people have a difference in sex drives. If it’s always been this way, I wouldn’t expect more. If there’s a sudden change I would try to talk about it.

I went outside the box Gotta get a few toys" let’s me tell u it’s a game changer


He needs to see a doctor, firstly.


Have him talk to his doctor.

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See if he will have his testosterone checked. That maybe a big part of it.

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#1 He is not a FULL partner to you if you have the BURDEN of all the house upkeep and Childcard ONTOP OF A JOB.
You are a DOORMAT. HOW is that attractive?? Once a month ?? HOW on earth did you get pregnant?
Your husband DOES NOT HAVE TO WORL to keep you.
#2 Many women (and Men) have sex on the side to save their marriage. Is this new news to you.

Mayber you should Mow and Weedeat once then see if he has any Energy.


Talking to a dr, therapy and communication is needed. About how you feel unwanted and unseen. How this makes you feel. Why he doesn’t feel the desire.


Definitely recommend him seeing a doctor to have his levels checked. As mentioned above testosterone plays a huge part in this!


I’m like your husband. If he’s like me it isn’t personal, and he could probably use some professional opinions.

I’m always tired, don’t feel good, or I’m in the mood at the wrong time. My husband reminds himself it isn’t him. I remind him it isn’t him.

So, communication and talk to the doctor.


Heck my man can’t even get it up to do anything with me we try he goes limp but he sure didn’t have that problem with women It’s been since 2012 since we have did anything I don’t want him or any of his parts touching me he probably went and got sex pills to have sex with the woman he was going and screwing if I catch him taking them to have sex with me I am flushing down the toilet I don’t want him touching me

Have him see a doctor. Could be an easy fix on his side.

His counts are prob low ask him if he will get some blood work done

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Talk to him…tell him just like you posted.

Just talk about it that you need more sex, even if it not actually  intercourse but enough to make you orgasm. Proven fact orgasm give you endorphin which helps regulate your body hormones. You could spice it up by getting a different bedroom toy either play with yourself or together. 

Frustrating and sadly as men get older the sex drive also weakens

Communication is key and certainly have him checked by his doctor. It’s not you, I promise. I am your husband. I have little to no sex drive, I’ve honestly never cared about it. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband

Yeah, well first talk to him about how you feel just be genuine with him. Has he always been this way or is it a more recent development? If it’s recent. Third, go get a few toys. I know its not exactly the same but it could take the edge off when he doesn’t feel like preforming.

Not everyone has the same sex drive

Talk to a doctor about testosterone levels


He likely needs a doctor as many others have said.
Maybe until he is able to see a doctor just try to be intimate in other ways. Intimacy is a connection, not just sex. Hold eachother, kiss, lay in bed and talk about something other than the mundane every day things, etc.

My husband and I have been together 15 years, we have four kids and busy lives. My drive is much higher than his, I’m like an everyday kind of person and he’s once or twice a week. It used to bother me, but he makes an effort because he knows it is important to me. However, I’d have lost my mind if he ever did it out of pity. No sir. Either want me or just say no. That isn’t fair to anyone involved.

Communication is key here. Talk to him about it, not during the moments he is saying no, but at a different time. When emotions are not all over the place and noone is hurt or angry. Discussions need to be had and he needs to see a doctor. Good luck!

Me and my husband went through the same issue. Turns out he had major medical issues, was hurting constantly and had to have major surgery, once healed up we are back to normal and going back stronger than ever. He was hiding his pain. Most men don’t want to worry their wives with their issues. Maybe he’s having medical issues? We went over a year without having sex and I almost left him. Thank goodness he finally broke down and told me what was going on. Before he told me he would just say he’s not interested in any kind of intimacy. It broke my heart when he finally told me and the fact that I almost broke down and left.

Get his testosterone checked. We went through this. Now its like a 2 time a day thing!!!


Have his testosterone levels checked by his doctor. They may just be the source of all of the issues. That would also account for the constant tiredness among other things. My prayers are with the both of you.


If talking to him. Use i statements. I feel like I am not attractive. I am wanting to be more intimate. Can you give me some suggestions how we can make this happen more?


This could be mental or physiological. Get him checked out and a blood panel done. Also verbailizing your concerns and issues here is not a bad thing. You both need to be happy.


Have his testosterone checked maybe


Is his health ok sometimes men don’t like to share if something isn’t right physically.

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You definitely need to tell him how you feel and ask him to see a doctor. It sounds like Low T. It happens with age. Or it could be a side effect from any medications he is currently taking if any.


If u figure it out let me know. Ik his issues but he won’t go to the doctor or doing anything about it. I have to beg as well. I feel like shit and sometime I just don’t care if we make it or break. Been 3 years of the same fighting and I am just burnt-out. I try to be supportive but it’s hard when they don’t try.

How’s his mental health? Depression and anxiety can play a HUGE part in lack of sexual interest.


I know girl, I know way too well


Has he always been this way ? Or it is just here recently

Sex in marriage is an exchange of energy to the extent of I see you… you see me… …in-to-me–u-see … it requires two healed individuals to come to this place of acceptance of self and worthyness to experience true intimacy

We want to feel heard
We want to feel loved
We want to feel appreciated
We Want to feel seen

& When we don’t feel this growing up from our parents we will attract simular partners because that’s the only pattern we know to live by

We go out of our way for another person hoping to feel appreciated, loved, and seen but all we get is crumbs … the same crumbs we got growing up

We cry
We hurt
We sulk
We resent

We lose ourselves in the process of trying gain there love and effection and comes to nothing… it’s never good enough

My dear the only way through is inward… Forgiving the people who couldn’t care for us as children. Reparenting the inner child that desperately wanted love and affection growing up… becoming emotionally invested in yourself, In your wellbeing, In your happiness, in your peace of mind. Forming new beliefs and new self concepts of self.

This is a work of your life honey
It’s our birthright to feel at peace
It’s our birthright to experience love and intimacy
It’s our birthright to have a partner who sees you as deeply as you see yourself

The only way to stop attracting unavailable men is detach from them all together :heart:

This is going to be a choice you have to make for yourself …

If you want to protect your marriage…

protect your vows to yourself

Why protect something that isn’t emotionally invested in your happiness ? You cannot fix this man But you can fix you and drop everything that doesn’t align with your hearts desires . . .

I’ve been down this road and honey when you get that divorce…you will be ecstatic lol

But that’s your choice … and youll know when to let go and you’ll know when it’s time to make your move

A good vibrator :confused: sorry hun that sucks

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Check his testosterone levels at Dr. May be a medical thing. This could help a lot.

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This is a very delicate situation. If you tell him he needs to see a doctor and he is not ready you’re going to insult him, the same way if he told you, you need to join a gym and loose weight. I would recommend marriage counseling, and try intimacy in other ways without sex, like take a shower together and clean each other. There are other ways to find intimacy without sex. There are also ways to satisfy your sexual needs without him with “personal” items. In the end you both will have to compromise. Best of luck

Be honest !! Talk to him

What is his age and health? Is he diabetic? Can cause this issue. Other reasons as well. BUT there is HELP!! have him do a lab work up with his Dr and she or he will help with medication from there. It can start hashish around 40’s for some men and women, but it’s usually a medical condition if no cheating is going on. Praying for you both.

Buy your self a toy have him go to dr to check his testosterone levels and maybe just some date night once a week are every 2 weeks can help as well

Gentle communication and maybe have him see a doctor… also maybe try to talk about fantasies or switching things up to make it more exciting

He might:
have a low sex drive
be asexual
have low testosterone
Be depressed
Have anxiety
Basically have him see a doctor and go from other :wink:

Y’all need a little getaway to relax and reconnect I think he just really might be tired and secure like he loves you and knows you love him and isn’t going anywhere. Maybe a weekend away you guys can sleep in and relax and you know :wink:


Alana, sounds familiar. Good luck and best wishes. Love ya!

So is he in his 30’s by chance? His testosterone may be getting low. Look into meals that help boost testosterone and see if he’d be willing in talking with his doctor?


I think you should communicate.


Have the Dr run test for low testosterone. Fact; as men get older the testosterone decreases. Testosterone is the harmone that causes little boys packers to get erect without having the slightest idea why. My son was 2 years old, came up to his mom and me pointing at that hard on wondering WHAT IS THIS? Then he thumped it and started crying lol. I was proud he took after his dad.


My husband has a high sex drive and I don’t. When we started dating we had sex literally 6 times a day. Now, after being together 10 years we both work full time, 2 kids, 2 dogs and extracurricular activities. I’m burnt out so I can totally relate to how he’s feeling. I have very little sex drive. It’s all about open communication and compromise. Maybe you guys need to go in date nights to reconnect intimately or to get more mental security and satisfaction. You could set specific days to be sexually active that you both have to commit to that way you get what you want and he gets what he wants. I would invest in a couple of toys and offer to introduce them in the bedroom. You could suggest going to a doctor but you also have to be okay with if he goes and they say nothing is wrong. Ive been there with every test under the sun because I was told
Not by my husband but family that something was wrong with me because I didn’t want to be intimate. It’s a god awful feeling being told you’re basically shit and broken because of it. Some people just aren’t hyper sexual. It’s all about communication.

Sounds like my relationship but the roles are reversed. He has the high sex drive and most of the time I could care less. And he makes me feel bad for it all the time so that pushes me even further away.

Get on your knees and thank God for a faithful and good husband. Stop talking about your private life or saying anything about him that is negative. Be grateful!


You need to talk to him
about this & maybe he should see a dr


He needs to have his testosterone tested. This is a huge issue with men.


First step is to get to a DR to make sure there isn’t a medical condition. Of course, he’s going to have to be willing to want to put forth the effort to discover if there is a medical issue.

Second there are all kinds of natural stuff that can help with libido. Maca being a really good one. Again, I would not start on anything without first seeing a doc to make sure there isn’t an underlying medical condition.

Intimacy is important. Quality communication is super important.

l get paid over $177 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18223 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

M0re Info.

He should have his testerone levels checked. It may be a simple fix.


Masturbate to relieve your stress and don’t necessarily hide it. Be naked more often around him when you can. Men’s and women’s sex drivers tend to shift. Men will sometimes slow down as early as mid 30’s and women sometimes increase at the same time. Maybe “service” him while you masturbate at night to kind of start a routine. Once his body gets used to the “release” more routinely and the chemicals it releases in the body again it could reignite his libido.

So I would 1. Talk to him. It may hurt his feelings, so be kind about it. Just tell him you have been extra horny lately and want to be more intimate with him. Us woman go thru life changes too, and our sex drive can go up and down. Tell him u love him, and basically everything you said in ur post - that he’s a wonderful man but even tho u too are tired at the end of the day, you still crave his attention, his touch.
And 2nd, tell him if his sex drive is truly that low then maybe you guys can go see a doc and have his Testosterone levels checked.

Is there a possibility he might have diabetes?

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Communication. Just talk to him and explain yourself. I have a very high sex drive . Me and my husband have 4 kids 3,5,6,7 been married 8 yrs. and we both work fulltome jobs different shifts but were both off every weekened . I completely understand not wanting to do it during the week . Last weekend we did it 4 times and so far we did it just last night. But I have talked with him and that I sometimes want it during the week so I handle it myself :woman_shrugging:t3: he’s not here . Maybe that’s something you guys can discuss also . Some people don’t like there partner to do anything alone as they think it’s disrespectful. Communication is key. We were down to maybe once every 9 days cause we were both trying to be respectful and thought the other was to tired turns out we just needed to talk. I point blank said why are we not having alot of sex. I’m blunt :rofl::woman_shrugging:t3: and after we had a 5 mins conversation were all good.
Or maybe ask if there’s anything he’d like to do spice it up . My husband loves my freakyness but make sure you don’t do anything you don’t want to do also .
Everyone mentioning the dr has a good point maybe have him get a check up. And if he’s open to it maybe get on meds to help boost his libido

Don’t mind these people saying you have a good faithful man be just happy with what ya got . You have needs and those needs are not wrong in the slightest !!
And this is anonymous so no one even truly knows your discussing your sex life anyways .

Have you sat down and talked to him about how you feel and how he feels and maybe work in a planned every other saturday date night or date day without the kids being home? Maybe try role playing as well and maybe even throw in some toys and let him watch. Dress up in a sexy little costume and give him a little strip/dance tease. But the main thing is sitting down and talking to him and working out something that both of you can agree on and if that doesn’t work spike his drink with some Molly. I am totally kidding about the last part!! Go to the Dr and get viagara or something safer

Same thing with me. But my husband got blood work done and his testosterone was nonexistent. After men turn 30 their testosterone drops considerably. I would suggest having him go to his primary and get some bloods done xx


This is my husband and I to a t except for it’s the other way around for us

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I agree that you guys need a weekend getaway. Or even just a couple nights without the kiddo.

Open communication. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you don’t want pity sex, but you don’t want to feel rejected and unappreciated. I used to have this same issues. We talked about it and now 95% of the time, he will help do (or do by himself) the household chores, he also helps out more with the kiddos.

Also, see if he’d be willing to see a doctor. There are multiple medical reasons he could have a low sex drive. If everything checks out at the doctor, maybe try a couples therapist, just to have a safe space and see if there is a reason, not medically that he doesn’t want to have sex.

Best of luck to you. I hope everything works out for you guys.

l get paid over $177 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18223 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

M0re Info.