How can we keep this info secret?

My SO and I have been together just under 2 years now. He has 4 kids and I have 1. We have had all kids full time for 8 months now. BM sees the kids a few hours here and there during the week as she is homeless due to her own actions. We just recently purchased a house in which we are not able to tell her the address because she threatens to find it and burn it down. She also says if she finds out he moved me in then she was going to beat me up. Mind you we’ve lived together for a year and a half now. With this move it has put us further away and I have to bring thing to school daily. We’ve talked about switching their school but the only reason we haven’t is she will then need to know which school they are going to. Is there a way we can avoid telling her which school district they are in without full legal custody? It’s not fair to but any of the kids in this situation. We have to live in constant fear she’s going to lose it and find our place.
140 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can we keep this info secret? - Mamas Uncut

Your allowed to get an order of protection if she’s threatening your home/wellbeing.

27 Likes

Order of protection and emergency custody

27 Likes

I agree order of protection and they will give you full custody for the time being!!

11 Likes

If you have a court order then no you have to tell her best advice get cameras from top to bottom of your home inform the school that your home address ect is to be sealed records and not to be shared with anyone unless you give Consent get that in writing :writing_hand: third you need to keep all text ect for court and you need to go back and get full custody if it’s really this bad or you need to file a restraining order for her and you that would keep her away from your home

7 Likes

As their legal mother, she has access to where they go to school and where their doctor is, do a without notice protection order, her threats should be enough to get one.

1 Like

Get order of protection and report her threats! They will give emergency custody if they feel she’s a danger

3 Likes

Agree with statements above

1 Like

Everyone has already said what I was going to

You can get a non molestation in order but also if it goes to court about her and kids etc they even say serial killers are allowed reports from the school about kids eduction so she can be entitled to that also make sure you have residency order in place to confirm the kids live with you both and with non molestation order to have kids school on there so she can’t go near there if you have it all in black and white you need to report it as well to the police.

1 Like

If she is homeless that is enough right there for her to loose custody… I would report her to the courts and seek full custody. In the mean time you should be able to get emergency custody and a protective order.

10 Likes

File in court but that is public record so she could look up your address on the court doc s or public record docs
File a restraint order then she can’t have your address. Threats have to be said directly to you. Threats have to be within 6 months.
Change there school district they already been living with u guys full time for 8 months.
But as their bio mother she has rights to school records
But with a parenting plan she can’t just pick them up on her non parenting days

This is the only way to live a non drama life
And don’t share ur address to anyone either

He needs to get full legal custody. She has no home and is unstable…she shouldn’t have a legal say about school. If she’s threatening to burn your house down and physically beat you than get an RO and ordered supervised visits at a visitation center.

1 Like

Sounds as if she hasn’t had much of a choice and is losing all control and lashing out. Is it not an option to perhaps try and approach her with compassion and be kind enough to try and help her know better so that she can do better so as to work with her for a healthier relationship and so that her children can still have her in their lives😔

8 Likes

Get protection order and report her threats! The dad needs to fight for full Legal custody. With her being homeless, and making threats and being unstable it should be easy to get. Request that she get supervised visitations too.

2 Likes

if you have proof of the threats I’d inform authorities and seek legal council

3 Likes

Get a restraining order! If she is threatening violence. Get an order of protection. Then you don’t have to tell her anything. Take it to the court. That’s why they are there. Good luck! :v:

12 Likes

I would go to court and get full custody. There is no way a Judge is going to give the mom full custody being homeless and all. Also get a restraining order against her and keep notes about everthing she has said or is saying, you’ll need it for court…

5 Likes

Just know that with restraining orders, you must renew them every year, 2 weeks before they expire. If it’s a stalking order, it’s permanent.

“Have to bring thing to school?” Who’s thing?

2 Likes

Petition for a restraining order as she has threatened to burn the house down which is a danger to the children and she has also threatened to harm you. Hopefully you have proof of the threats. If granted with the children included then she cannot have access to the children and would be prohibited from seeing the children and/or picking them up. You can go to the nearest magistrate and request one which is typically for 72 hours, or go straight the courts for family and juvenile and request one there. From there one should be granted did 2 weeks in where you will have to return to court to obtain the permanent one. That’s how it’s done in VA. Hopefully that helps

I’d advise getting a lawyer. Have him get full custody, show proof of everything. Her being homeless, barely seeing the kids, doing absolutely nothing. If she isn’t working. All of it. File for emergency full custody

2 Likes

Let them know she has threatened you and the family different times. If you have it in text, it would be in your favor

1 Like

If you have proof she’s threatening your home and the kids live there that’s grounds for fearing she is a danger to them. File an OP get permission from the court to keep your address undisclosed if she is threatening your well being or the lives of you or the kids which by threatening to burn your house down…you have merit to believe she might… You could let the judge know the kids are unaware as you don’t want to paint her in poor light but she isn’t stable.

1 Like

If she wrote the threats to you about burning your house down, get a restraining order and call CPS and report her. Just because he lives with you, she is still legally responsible for him. You can walk away today and never look back. She’s still legally obligated and responsible for her kid. Threatening his home is child endangerment. She can lose her rights if she isn’t careful “playing with fire”. Smh. She should be ashamed of herself. How is she even threatening someone else when she can’t even take care of herself :rofl::woman_facepalming:t2:. The dumb is real with this one.

2 Likes

Sorry but she does have a say where the kids school is. It’s up to the kids father and mother not you. Yes there’s a avo but she will still have the right to know where her children are.

5 Likes

Is go to court for full custody and say your sacred to tell her information. I would transfer the kids cause schools by me once they know you moved they will follow you to prove it and make you transfer.

1 Like

Shes homeless and obviously unstable. If you have proof of the threats go to the police.
Get a lawyer to find out where you stand on keeping your personal details private from her if you move

5 Likes

First, that his job not yours. Why dealing with a man with baby momma drama? :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2: she is legally bonded to that child UNLESS she gives him full custody and renounce her child. Until then, he needs to step up. When a woman act crazy is because at some point he entertained her and now it got out of hands. You have a choice to deal with the drama or allow him to step up and deal with everything.

12 Likes

Restraining order is needed and flag your address with the police . You can request child support not give your address also for safety reasons

2 Likes

Go through the courts because if you don’t you will make it much harder to get legal custody. Do it the proper way. You might do it all in secrecy and then one of the kids will tell their mum where they stay and what school they are in eventually as kids talk a LOT!! Go through the proper channels and any text messages etc, show the lawyer and police. Good luck x

2 Likes

Any threts that you can document coming from her can be brought to the court an used to decide what the judge will say they are ultimately the final say if things are as bad as you claim perhaps consider termination of her rights or bring it up ? Sorry this is happening

What’s all this we stuff? Let the father handle his own business with the ex.

9 Likes

Restraining order. Petition for full custody. Many options for get this taken care of. Call the police

7 Likes

Get a restraining order

1 Like

Her threats alone are enough for an order of protection and emergency custody of the children now. That will buy you time to move their schools without notifying her for yours and their safety until you have the custody hearing.
She clearly isn’t stable in any way for the kids.

8 Likes

If it comes down to the safety of the children, see if you can get a court order or something that disallows her that information! Coz bugger that!!

Your partner needs to file for emergency custody and eventually get full custody. If she’s going on about hurting you and burning a house that kids live in then she is a risk to the whole family including all the kids.

8 Likes

Are you doing this without him having full legal custody? He needs to speak with a lawyer asap bc this is a big deal. As their mother and without her parenting rights being stripped she has the right to know where the kids attend school and actually the school can’t stop her from removing them. He really really should’ve ran all of this before a lawyer before just making decisions.

As for your side you need to file for a restraining order.

1 Like

He also needs to look at what his court order says. He may have to notify her where he is moving to and if is if such and such distance will have to amend the current court order. It is a lot of work and really should be seeking legal advice and not people on the internet. Each and every state has different laws. Each and every court order parenting plan is different as well.

1 Like

If she threaten to beat u up an burn the place
down then take out a protection order for uan ur kids…
Make a police report!!
Get urself a lawyer an head to court …
She cannot come near u or ur children with those kinds of threats.

3 Likes

Just go to court and do things legally.

Retraining order on your whole family including the kids and go for full custody

2 Likes

Sounds like your SO needs to file for sole legal physical custody and get order of protection
Keep documentation of BM threats ! Until BM seeks help things never get easier
Going through it with my nephews bio parents sorry good luck

5 Likes

Take any and all threats to the courts and law.
Is there is anything in text messages, or writing, keep it.
If she’s homeless, he needs to request full custody.

4 Likes

You need a restraining order so if she does do some dumb sh the laws even more on your side

6 Likes

You better have him get an attorney and get it on paper legal . You will always have problems and need to nip it in the bud now

7 Likes

How old are the kids? If they are asked/demanded the information from the kids will they tell her?

1 Like

Document every single threat made.
Get a lawyer and see what orders you guys can get against her for the safety of all of you especially the kids.

3 Likes

Addresses are so easily found online these days. Sounds like you need to take these words a little further an get some type of order against her and change the agreement.

10 Likes

Log every threat she makes and it will be best to inform the police about said threats and also get a restraining order against her for your safety but also the kids safety xx

2 Likes

She sounds spiteful if she’s willing to take away the very thing she can’t provide to her own children. Sole legal custody needs to be drawn up and supervised visitation at a center at a mutual location. Not at your home.

7 Likes

Keep every text, email, and voicemail. Journal in a binded composition notebook in pen with dates of every incident. File a police report. Get a restraining order. Hire an attorney.

11 Likes

Purchase a firearm. And purchase a lock safe.
And take firearm safety classes.

And make sure you have proof of these threats and go file for a protection paper.

No one should live in fear like that.
I’m sure I’m going to get some flack for suggesting my own opinions, but if these threats are real you need to protect yourself and your family.

18 Likes

If shes threatened you you need a PFA IMMEDIATELY for you and the kids then file for custody IMMEDIATELY. You can get it in there where you don’t need to provide an address however you will need to still meet publicly for visits

1 Like

RO and emergency legal and physical custody

1 Like

Why hasn’t your husband filled for full custody? He needs to get a lawyer. She them any threatening text messages & file for full custody. Ask that your address, kids school, places of employment etc be kept confidential. Set up a 3rd party location for pick up & drop offs or better yet ask for supervised visits. File a restraining order

9 Likes

Sounds like clear boundaries need to be set which or may include getting the courts involved. I can’t imagine living in chaos for a year and a half. If she has no house for the children, she is not a threat, right now. If you guys wanted to establish something permanent, this might be the best time to do it.

2 Likes

BM is homeless… legit or just staying with friends or family? If she is homeless on the streets - frankly, very little the courts will be able to do because there won’t be any way to officially “serve” her. Been there, done that. Install a security system, alert your local PD and PDs in your kids’ districts, file for a protective order … and then call her bluff. I feel a bit differently than most about a situation like this. I feel BM is angry, hurt and jealous… you feed her power from your fear. Stop fearing her, force your will to do what’s right by your collective kids.

12 Likes

Save any text messages from her threatening you or your family get her on record on your phone when she sees the kids go to Family law master Apply for custody and restraining order

Restraining order immediately and show the threats to police she can’t be threatening to burn your house down that’s insane

2 Likes

Document everything go to a lawyer for an hour visit to find out your rights if you hire him explain this woman needs an evaluation she threatens to urn your house down she’s dangerous you can put your phone by her phone to document her threats

2 Likes

Y’all need to file for custody you’ll more than likely win since she’s homeless and has nowhere safe for the kids to live

3 Likes

Get an order of protection for all of you.

3 Likes

Get emergency custody!

3 Likes

Get an order of protection for all family members. In my state (GA) if you have 50/50 AND the right to decide education, you can switch the children’s school without recourse BUT the other parent has to know which school.

Have a good (not Wi-Fi based) security system installed at your new home and blink makes VERY affordable cameras for indoor and outdoor. Make sure all of the perimeter of your home is covered.

2 Likes

I wouldn’t keep anything a secret! I would make it known where we live, change the kids schools and I would also make it known that if she comes anywhere near your house, the police will be involved.

In the mean time, I would be taking the current threats she has made and any documentation to the courts. File for emergency custody and a restraining order. She will still be able to see the kids, but your significant other would have legal custody and she wouldn’t be permitted around your house. If she violates the protective order, she will then have a home, in county jail. Protect you and yours at all costs!

6 Likes

Quit being dramatic on facebook and take care of your family.

4 Likes

Why have you not gotten a protection order?

2 Likes

Uh so what she’s homeless take her to court get the kids simple

4 Likes

Sounds like she needs to concentrate on getting her head on straight ! Sounds like she only cares about herself!!

I’d first start by filing a restraining order and from there I’d work on getting them full term and ask the courts to set up a meeting place to do her visitations. Let them know u no longer feel safe with her knowing all that information.

3 Likes

Can’t you fight? Is she the big bad wolf

5 Likes

Imagine full grown adults acting like this. Wtf.

6 Likes

You should have your own place! He has 4 kids you have 1! Y’all are not marry! Why go in a relationship with someone who has all this drama​:woman_facepalming:t5::woman_facepalming:t5::woman_facepalming:t5::woman_facepalming:t5:Sounds like you are a full time nanny and housekeeper :woman_shrugging:t5::woman_shrugging:t5::woman_shrugging:t5::woman_shrugging:t5:Stop allowing anything just so you can say you have a man!!!

11 Likes

Court orders and document all of this

2 Likes

Idk maybe it’s just me but first thing that popped out to me was she said the homelessness was her own doings… why make a point to say that?
Are you the home wrecker and he threw her to the curb not giving a damn about the mother of his children? :thinking: I’d be a psycho at that point too :woman_shrugging:

Security cameras, ring light, house alarm as well as weapons throughout the house that the kids cannot get to. File that protection and full custody order (they can only do so much) yall protect your babies. Dare her to try yall. Think about them fuck her lol change the school and if she find out, she find out. People that talk about shit, never about shit…so i doubt she will do anything.

I’m shocked at the line "I have to bring thing to school " I’m really hoping its a typo but if not calling a child a thing is disgraceful

1 Like

Take her to court , get custody and restraining order.

4 Likes

She can’t do anything when it comes to her kids because she is homeless. She doesn’t have an address so she can’t have kids and you can’t notify her of address because she doesn’t have one. You need to register the kids where they physically live at or he can lose the kids himself. Wherever the kids live at and go to school at is legal and binding in court. Do what you have to do and get a restraining order and call the police on her if you have to. Your boyfriend needs to step up and protect you and the children!

7 Likes

To everyone on this post 2 sides to every story!!

1 Like

Sounds like the ex-wife need some leads to get some help for mental illness. Just curious, has anyone ever tried to be civil with her and direct her To somewhere she could get some help?

Why does he not have full custody if she is homeless?

8 Likes

First off a child is not a thing. Second you need to take care of you and your child First. 3rd the ex isn’t going away they have children together she will always be around. 4th the children have to attend school in the district you live in.

1 Like

Have dad file for custody like yesterday

7 Likes

:thinking: you must have home owners insurance, right? Plus, if she set your house on fire at least you won’t have to worry about her asz anymore.

4 Likes

If there’s no custody agreement then legally yes you need to tell her. However if she’s homeless and only sees them occasionally I really dont think shes even going to realize they’re in a different school.

2 Likes

Get her under a restraining order immediately. See if you can press charges for communicating threats. This is ridiculous. Why have you not already filed charges?

7 Likes

If you have it in writing bring to police

2 Likes

Take care of your child first. Your bf needs to get an attorney and file for custody. You’re just going to go in a loop with this lady but if you aren’t willing to do something legally…

4 Likes

Is there any kind of court order in place yet? If there is both parties have to follow the terms or you can be taken to court and held in contempt for violating those terms. I would look at the paperwork if their is an order and place and contact a lawyer to have it modified. Also it sounds like this woman may have mental health or substance abuse issues and needs some help- that could also be addressed with the lawyer. Document everything. They may possibly be able to set up regular visitation at a visitation center or another family members house. Depending on where you live and if that options available.

1 Like

Ummm, that tough, well get the police involved first of all, petition for emergency placement, make sure you have home insurance and let the courts take it from there, unfortunately unless the court deems it necessary she has to know where you live, idk how all states are but California and Nebraska are like that

2 Likes

If u r that afraid u need to file a EPO. And don’t be disrespectful the mother of his children by calling her baby mama that is not acceptable. And remember the situation she is in could be your reality one day. Those without sin cast the first stone.

3 Likes

Get a parenting plan done that gives him sole custody an. Get a restraining order for him and you.

2 Likes

Court Court Court. Limited time woth the kids. With her case she can’t argue in court. You guys can get it how you want. You provide

6 Likes

Your only solution is to go to probate court and get legal custody of them

4 Likes

Get a lawyer get full sole legal custody of them baby’s and do what’s best for them and your family…

3 Likes

Live your life and if she comes for you beat that ass.