I’ve been with my SO for almost seven years. We have three little ones. We’ve had our ups and downs; I caught him making plans to cheat on me with men twice. The second time, I was ready to leave. I told my mom, my grandparents were already on the way to get my two kids and me at the time to spend Easter with them, but when the time came to confront him, I just couldn’t break it off. We ended up moving closer to my family after that, and he hates it here. All he talks about it moving back to where we were. I’ve told him how I feel about it, but still, all I hear is that he wants to move. It makes me nervous for obvious reasons, what if something happens again, now we have three kids, just a lot. He’s not a bad guy; he works hard so I can stay home with the kids. We get along great. It’s just these last few months I just feel like I’m settling. He’s not the father I hoped he would be, not the partner I hoped he would be. Again not bad, just mediocre. My family never liked him much, even before the cheating thing. They’ve mostly come around, but my mom still is not a fan. I just really don’t know what to do. It’s not that I don’t love him; I just feel like there could be better. Idk. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.
Have you tried sitting down, just you and him, kids away or asleep and have a heart you heart and tell him flat out, how you feel about all of this?
With men? Maybe he’s so unhappy because he’s gay. It sounds like he needs to be given the time and space to figure out what he really wants. As hard as it is you might have to be the one that pushes him to do it. If my partner was making plans to cheat with another man I wouldn’t want him to have to stay with me when I’m a woman. He sounds confused
Umm with men! I’d definitely leave! No questions asked
I left when he got violent, and took off with baby, hard part was staying away, but I did, I didnt want my son growing up thinking that’s how you treat your partner, or that’s an acceptable way to act, was yelling and frustration and lack of communication, which was getting worse, not better, no matter how hard I tried to make it better, as soon as I left, I realised how much Happier I was away from him, and how bad it actually was, now he has a super happy mum and sees his dad once a week. Best for him, he will grow up having two loving happy parents.
Honey, he’s into men. If he hasn’t already cheated, he will. So if you aren’t into an open relationship save yourself and those babies the heartache and let that man go.
Look I get a lot of people stay with cheaters out of convenience BUT living with emotional pain, trust issues, depression, and setting a horrible example for your children is NOT convenient
He wanted to cheat. And with men. Two fire red flags. What more do you need? He’s not vested in you. Move on. Let him do him.
You can’t give him what he wants. I’d be done.
He wants to be with men. He is gay or he is bisexual. Sounds like he is very confused on what he wants right now. I think you need to move on.
With men? Well honey he’s probably gay move on.
I would of Left the first time around… He Was looking to Cheat twice! I would of been Gone the first time wouldn’t of gave him to think of cheating the second Time…
he Wants to cheat with men… Have u Asked him Why Men? Maybe he is Gay or Bi! neither Way he wants a man attention…
dont Give him a 3rd time To Look or think about it Leave…
The first thing I’m going to address is the mediocre part. That’s life. No on and I do mean no one is going to he perfect.
That isn’t the way that relationships work. My husband to me is amazing but theres always things he could do better. In all fairness theres plenty of things I could do better too. Unfortunately we’re all just human.
Now. For the cheating and wanting to move…
He sounds…confused and conflicted.
I understand being angry with him but after 7 years he deserves a heart to heart talk. He deserves to have his feelings heard. That doesnt mean you have to agree to move but it means you really hear him and try to empathize with him.
When they cheat or make plans to cheat it’s time to go. He may have love for you but he’s not in love with you if he can cheat on you
I left when I recognized that if I wouldn’t want it to happen to my daughter I wasn’t going to let it continue to happen to me. You’re someone’s girl and deserve love, respect, and honesty
Sometimes gay men marry because they try to live normal lives and try to hide there true self. Talk to him . Be amicable. It does not have to be a fight or a horrific horror story. Yes it will hurt like hell ! But you and him and the kids all deserve to be happy!
Let him still be a daddy !
I’m not staying with any known gay
Buy a strap on. Maybe he needs something different
As much as it hurts… you probably neeed to have a true deep talk, he probably needs the space and time to think about stuff as well… no matter what, you guys are family forever, bounded and tied by babies together 
sometimes things just aren’t meant to be… and that’s ok, you will be okay!
You’re settling. Are you and him even friends? If its the finances you are worried about sit down and both make a plan to allow you the time you need to get a job and stand on your own 2 feet. Work out arrangements for custody of the kids. Make this timebound, 6 mos, 9 mos a year - whatever it takes. Be transparent with each other. Divide your stuff, get the divorce and go your separate ways. No cussing, no fussing, no ill will and your kids get to see 2 adults who love them doing what needs to be done for everyone to be happier when its all done.
Ok what in the actual hell. You are with someone who is not being honest with himself. Have you talked to him about why he’s seeking out these relationships? Has he come out? Has he had same sex relationships? I feel like you don’t know or you have not discussed this with him and what you are in the relationship. He could be feeling the EXACT same way only it’s worse if he’s repressing who he is and he wants or needs to be with a man. Are you a beard for him? Are you allowing him to have that life but really he’s not fully himself or with a same sex partner ? I think it’s sad that you feel that way but I’m more concerned about him living a half life too raising kids in such a weird situation. If you are unhappy then leave I guess but he’s not an ass. I’d recommend counseling. You all deserve to be happy and fulfilled with n life. Even if it’s not together.
As someone who is just now “coming out” at 36 this is a hard situation.
BUT, cheating is cheating. Doesn’t matter. Have you guys talked about his sexuality at all? He made a commitment to you and your children. If he wants to be with men then it needs to end. (Unless you guys are into open relationships or what have you.)
Girl he’s gay. Divorce him. It’s never gonna work out. Ever. Accept it’s over. Coparent and move on.
- Stop having kids.
- Therapy for both of you.
- If he is closet gay, it will never end. He has to be who he really is.
- Stop having kids.
I’m sorry, but sounds like he likes men. leave while you still have your youth eventually he will walk away from you.
If you need someone to talk to please message me. I am more than happy to listen to you. I also have been cheated on by my husband and I wish there was someone I could talk to about it.
Y’all quick to judge! Ya’ll don’t know if he bisexual!
Oh hell no!
Once they what another man I’m done! Once they cheat or in the process to cheat ,I’m also done!
Hey gay is cool bi is cool.
Cheating is not cool!!
One of my main boundaries!
If you’re settling it’s probably time to move on
It sounds like you don’t love each other. Why are you even together. He obviously likes men and you don’t wanna be with him. Move on, be happy. Why settle. Your children will still have their father
I think hes confused and ,he wants a family ,but he doesnt want to admit hes gay ,he will eventually ,so you need to find out now rather than later cause he will break your heart
The day he said what I felt was the line for me. I was very depressed and had been for some time. When he voiced that he would fake being happy that was the final straw for me. He is still very much there for our twins. I have since married, and he is in a long term relationship and happy.
Talk to him, and if he still feels he HAS to move, let him go. If he is GAY be supportive and let him go.
If he BI and wants to be with a guy and see where that goes. Let him go…
He’s really not that in to your relationship, and it’s better to leave it on good terms than destroy it and leave on bad terms
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Thanks.
It sounds like you may have gotten in too deep with a homosexual man. If what he truly wanted and still wants is to have been with a man he will probably never be the man you deserve or the father your children deserve. As hard as it might be, it would probably be best to break it off. You can show your children how to be strong and independent and eventually you will find a man that will be happy with you and a good step father to your children. And if he finally comes to terms with his own sexuality and finds what makes him truly happy he could be a better father. Either way its probably best for everyone involved if you split up :c sorry you are going through this, best of luck with whatever you decide.
Dude likes dudes its time to go, he’ll always have that itch that a woman can’t scratch
What is the possibility of an open relationship? The man is obviously bisexual. If your the only woman and hes open about what hes doing, can you possibly work with that?
For me was all the red flags.
When you realize that you are more in love with the memories of the way things used to be than you are in love with him. There are 3 little ones involved. It might be best to look into couples counseling before you throw in the towel.
Oh naw… About to go on a finish reading… But I stopped at making plans to cheat with men twice! That would be a done deal!! He wants a man not a woman. Just doesn’t want to go publicly with it yet!! But to answer your question… When I got to the point I didn’t want him touching me, I knew it was over
Doesn’t sound like a happy relationship, time to move on. Your kids will start noticing that you are not happy. I would not move, if he wants to, let him go.
Try talking to him and marriage counseling. Sometimes it helps having an outside opinion.
However, if you’re not happy, the kids will see that and fall into the same rut you have. You are shaping them for adulthood. Keep that in mind for the decisions you make bit don’t let it be the reason you do it.
Spend some time apart. Let him miss you. Remember why you feel in love with each other. These things are important in a marriage and family
A leopard doesn’t change his spots, even IF he wants to! Move on! You’re better than that! Just my opinion!
I say move on. He already found, someone else. Do what’s best for you and the kids.
Move on. He isnt interested in you anymore. Might just want you there for he isn’t ready to say publicly.
He wont stop. My husband didnt. That is one of worse hurts in the world. We had no kids together. Im alone and happy. Maybe someday who knows?
try counseling, try dating again. ups and downs happen. sounds like there could be a chance. but with three little kids ot is hard I know. but before you give up or move on make sure you have tried all other avenues.
Please run he’s cheating its time to take care of yourself and your children! Sounds like he’s in the closet! He sounds like he’s not happy
He won’t change. I agree with Melissa Moran Bond Hoover, you have to do what is best for you and the kids. If you two fight, they will learn that momma will take anything he dishes. They need to learn, if the situation is not the best, walk away. You can do better.
When I caught him lying AGAIN, for the 100 thousandth time…i also had become someone I no longer recognized. Filled with Rage and anger… and i looked at my 3 little girls, and thought…No way in HELL do I want them growing up, thinking that THIS is a Normal, Loving relationship. If I stayed any longer, I would be giving This Life Sentence to My 3 little girls…to grow up…and look for men, like their father…who would treat Them…the way he Treated Me. And I divorced him. BEST Decision I ever made. This was after 10 years of marriage- 
The first time he’s trying to cheat. You and the kids deserve better
Well the fact that he is interested in men says alot. You deserve someone who only has eyes for you and he deserves to explore his sexuality. I would stay with family and let him go. Who knows you guys could eventually be together again. Best wishes
When he accused me of cheating on him after being with him for 10 years
If you or him are both not happy its time to move on.
The second you saw the cheating plans.
Is this really an argument!? What if he goes out b finds the right man and brings home the STDs and aids that will take you at a young age from your children!?? Is this how you want to raise them??? Knowing that daddy has a bf?! Do u know kids have been beat up n bullied for far less?! You’re obviously not his cup of tea anymore…he there to have his cake and eat it too!! You need to reevaluate your life! Counseling isnt going to help either…this isnt an issue of him loving you or not…this is him trying to find out who he is!? There’s someone out there wanting to give you their full attention n love and have a family…he’s just not it!
I’m gonna be honest, when he first made plans to cheat, that was time to leave. Especially when it was with other men. And I dont mean that in a homophobic way, actually opposite. You would be doing BOTH of you a favor to ask him to come out and support him. Leaving doesnt mean you dont care, and doensnt mean he doesnt care about you. But it’s clear his interests arent exactly women, and possibly, hes just too scared to come out feeling like he will be judged and disowned. I think you should approach him and tell him you understand and support him, but you two cant keep doing this to yourselves, denying each other what they really want. I say more so because if hes gay, no amount of counseling is going to change that, it’s not a choice. Best option is to leave, but leave supportively, and not completely. Keep him in your life as a friend, who knows? Yall may become closer. But be supportive and break the relationship off. It’s not fair for either of yall.
Dont waste time… you know in your gut…
Try counseling before giving up totally . Then you will know you did sll all you could
Quite clear he’s gay. Probably cheating on you now just more careful. Your not going to change him. If you can settle for that then don’t complain and learn to be miserable.
Obviously he’s gay. So it’s never going to work. He already cheated on you, that gives you grounds for divorce. You need to go and find yourself a REAL MAN! Stop wasting precious time.
It seems that in your writing, there are many what ifs, which translate to doubt. With what you’ve been through with your SO, there’s not much giving on his part which is “selfishness.” Your children are of utmost importance. You should want stability for them. A father is important in children’s lives; however, if they are not completely in (committed) there’s no value, and it’s not worth the hurts that they will encounter. Prayerfully, you have support (family) to help give children sound direction/ guidance in their lives. I do believe when you shared with your mother/grandmother your concerns, it was b/c of the love that you know that they have for you and your children. They’ve been honest in their thoughts, and it seems that you value their judgment even if it may not be what you would have wanted to hear. I don’t believe that they would steer you in the wrong direction. Ultimately, it’s your decision. This may not be who God has designed for you. Listen, God is trying to tell you something.God’s blessings to you and your children:pray:t3:
For me, I was doing laundry one day, I stood up and said “I’m done”. I had always been told that one day you get to the point when you are done. And I was!!! I packed my kids,their clothes, their mattresses and headed to my mommas. I was so very lucky to have somewhere to go. I had left so many times before and I was always talked into going back. But this time I knew it was different. I just knew! 14 yrs of marriage and I’ve been divorced for 5 now!! Best decision I EVER MADE!!!
It took me 9 years to realize that all i needed was to love myself take care of myself he also cheated multiple times but i just told myself i love him we also had 3 children 3 years ago i just told myself its it last chance we moved an hr away from our hometown n nothing changed and all i heard was lets move back home but i stood my ground n said no enough is enough if you want to go i started puting myself first working taking care of my kids and realized i could make it on my own then after he left i found someone that treated me so much better i never bin treated that way before he loves my kids and takes care of them just like his own we now have a baby of our own and are happy. Listen to your gut feeling it never lies sometimes and it took me along time to realize it but sometimes your kids are much happier when you the mother is happy! God bless you!
Go with your gut feelings about this. People can make suggestions about this but you and your babies are what is important. Talk with him about all the things that are bothering you and let him say what’s bothering him and try to make a plan for all of you that will work. Good luck
WHY would you even CONSIDER staying with a man who doesn’t know whether he wants to be with you or another man??!! You would be much better on your own with your children without all the chaos until you meet someone who wants to make a comitment and MARRY you! Don’t put your children through a relationship like this one has been. It is not fair to any of you!
Sounds like you love him but you’re no longer in love with him. Just be amicable while you’re still ok with each other. The longer you let deep resentments and dissatisfaction to come between you the more bitter it will all become. Then everybody gets hurt.
Once long ago my husband thought the grass might be greener over the fence. He left me with two kids to raise. I raised them both and buried one. Thirty years later he wished he’d stayed. Be certain it’s what you want. He can always improve. The choice is his. I’d stay close to family where if anything happened you’d have a support system. But I would not move back. You need to decide what you can live with. Life is not always easy. You loved him once. I say you still do for you could not break off. Good luck.
You’ll never find what you’re looking for,and what you need, if you’re not available and open to new possibilities. Get out while you can or you’re just wasting your time and his. (He’s probably already cheated, and unless you’re in to an “open relationship” it’s not worth the risk). And stop settling! Better to be alone and happy than in a dead end relationship always settling for second best. Aren’t you and your kids worth it?
All I know is if you settle so do the kids
It’s not fair
My husband the dad my kids deserve
Been here for 30 years and they r his
They have one dad
This comes from their mouths
Once I left all happiness for me too
M6 partner
Best friend
Lover
And best dad
You need to move on with your kids. If you need to move in with your family for a little bit that is ok. Then you can work on getting a job. Sometimes being a single mom is the best thing for you and your kids. Be strong you can do it.
You are closer to your family now go get a job and ask your family for help with the kids and move on, he is not attracted to you and pretty much has said that with multiple times being caught with a man, he like you are hanging in for the kids, life is to short to live like this. But always remember he is their Dad and work it out for all of you:heart: Praying for you:pray:
If he planned on cheating on you with other men, not only are you in a wrong relationship, so is he. Do both of you a favor, and leave. He might even be happier, and become a better dad to your children. It’s better to be alone, than in a relationship that makes you feel lonely.
Why do you think mediocre or less is ok for you and the kids? Alone & in charge without a millstone around your neck is way better. He doesn’t like his life with you, leave and find someone who will.
Why stay in a relationship you’re unhappy with, and you’re not doing for your kids because your kids can sense stress, and tension and that spills over to them causing them to react to it. If he’s a good parent then co parent, so that he has his life and you have yours, I realized life was too short to stay with a man I didn’t trust, and I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now I’m with someone worthy of me, who loves my kids unconditionally, their dad chooses not to be there, and I don’t force the issue
You need to understand what him sleeping with guy’s means to you. I could never share my husband, but if he’s attracted to guy that’s a deal breaker for me. Plus as your kids get older they will see through the acts and figure out what he’s done and why you stayed. 2 happy homes is better than a broken home. They see, hear, and take the blame on anything.
if u want more then leave and find yourself a real man, if he keeps his relationship away from you and the kids you might be able to put up with it, just find someone on the side for yourself, life is too short to settle
I felt so vulnerable, and I didn’t think I could care of myself and 2 toddlers alone. My parents helped me with emotional and financial support. It’s hard work but so much emotional stress is diminished when you’re away from an abuser.
Girl, no matter how you twist this scenario, he was ready to cheat on you with a MAN. He is not worthy of you and somehow you forgot that. Know your worth. Love yourself and your children first. Remember that.
You already know what to do, you are looking for confirmation. One thing for sure , stay near your family, allow him to move on. He is not a good person, he already showed you.
Life is too short not to live your best life. Even though growing apart is not what you both want, you may regret that you did not make Power Moves. The opportunity to have a choice may not present itself later on in life.
Took me longer to feel my self worth and leave. Very nasty divorce followed. I paid him alimony for 2 years. Thank God it is all over. I really loved him and tried to make it work it just didn’t. Loving them isn’t enough, they have to love you back!
If he had planned to cheat there’s no love there… He’s clearly fighting his on issues… better to call it quits and give it a break see what he does with it. Set them free if it’s meant to be they’ll come back
Walk away. Never settle. So you might have to give up staying at home for awhile, never let your dependence ON someone control you.
Time to have real discussion and be prepared for what he has to say, it may mean ending this chapter as friends. You two may love and care for each other but aren’t meant to be a couple and you can transition that into good friendship if you take time now and not wait until more damage is done. Good luck - keep an open mind he may tell you things that are going to be hard to hear.
My dear you are settling and don’t you want more for yourself and your children? They deserve to have a good example of their parents treating each other with love so they in turn will learn to treat their spouse with love and respect. Cheating on you takes a toll on your spirit and your respect. And cheating with other men, how does that make you feel. You SO has problems that you can not fix . Let your family know you are thinking of leaving him and let them know you will need their support. I know several women who went through the same thing and it was a little tough at first but then they said things got so much better. It was the anticipation of what they needed to do that scared them enough to not move forward with their lives. Once they did it was so much better. I hope you will take charge of yours and your children’s lives and set up child support and let him move back to where he wants to go. You may have to do what my friends had to do and get Gov. assistance (food stamps) but if you can get a part time or full time job and live within your means it will get better.
When Momma know, Momma knows, she saw the signs before you did but you chose to ignore them. When your family don’t like your man, their’s something wrong. Listen to your Momma… we see even when you don’t see but, sometimes you have to walk on the hot coals to see for yourself. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired then you’ll make that move. Good luck!
Was he going to cheat with a man or was he talking to his men friends about cheating with woman??? Thats the first question… Next no matter what the answer is you and your children are worth more than a cheater… Talk to him make a decision…you seem to have the support of your family, thats a plus… If you arent happy dont settle… Talk, decide, do it…for you and your children… Good luck…
- Start setting yourself up to live alone and be able to support yourself and your children, even if it never happens, it is better to be prepared. 2. Get therapy/counseling for you and your marriage, if possible, even just to help split amicably. 3. Get involved with a good local and larger church, even if you are not particularly “religious”, just for the support groups, resources and activities for your kids and yourself. Best of luck on your journey.
So your just settling not fair to you or the kids not to say he’s a bad guy you just need to know there is a better life out there!
Time to walk away find a jib file for chikd support and get yourself in a better place us women need to look after what is ours and ourselves.NEVER BE DEPENDANT ON A MAN NEVER
get out asap, I promise you, that you will regret it if you don’t. just go, I completely understand that it’s gonna be hard and that a big part of you will always love him. unfortunately it’s not going to get better it’s going to get worse. if you have somewhere safe for you and your kids to go to right now for awhile, please please go. if you need to vent or yell and scream, feel free to pm me any time. good luck sweetie.
The grass is always greener… if you have live and respect life in itself is mediocore. Also, this is not the place to ask for advice.
Run .its not going to get better . I wish I did before it was 20 years of settling . My heart breaks for u.
WALK AWAY. You don’t love this man and he doesn’t love you…you are with him for you own convenience and financial convenience. Be honest with yourself. Get a job and start over.
If you caught him trying to cheat and with men…then you don’t need anyone to tell you what to do…you already know the answer!
From experience I went thru something similar. Had two children we ended up divorced. He’s been with the same male partner as far as I know since 1984.
Why is he so insistent on moving back?
Parents can see right through him.
Cheating while your at home with the kids.
Yeah, you know what the answer is here.
You don’t deserve to live like that!
I should have added he was glad to walk away
Never looked back till the day the oldest was going to war
Our so in told him he had nothing to be proud of
Never so proud in my whole life
I guess my point is r u sure he may not want this?
If your daughter can to you one day and asked you this what would you say to her? Just remember your kids sense when your not happy!