Maybe plan fun things to do with them if your daughter has alot of energy. Maybe just visit them with her.
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Fortunately she is only three and will not know this is happening unless you tell her. However, it could change as she grows older I would bet this hurts you more than her at this point. I am sorry your parents can’t see it.
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First approach from a place of curiosity and empathy rather than judgement. One they share with you any reasons they might have collaborate with them on a way to address their needs as well as your daughter’s.
Read Crucial Conversations.
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Personally if it were my child if that they were hurting they wouldn’t be in her life at all
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My mother in law is the same and my children have learned that it is what it is and it sucks… eventually she will stop looking for them… telling them something will only cause drama and cause them to push back more… at least that was my experience when my husband confronted his mom a few years back
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She doesn’t know her cousin goes more often. At 3 u have time to see how it goes. She will get calmer as she grows. Maybe see her grandparents on an outing and you go with.
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1st don’t think your child has ADHD, have her tested. Then sit your folks down and have a real talk with them. I had the same issue with family in general. I have identical twins, they wanted to take one child at a time, never together. I explained that it was either together or not at all. I would go with them for their visit for awhile until they learn to tell them apart. Maybe you need to be around until they learn how to handle your ball of energy.
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Your parents are horrid people and need a kick in the ass! Acting their age for starters and realizing what they are doing. I would simply point out as you did in your post. If it causes a rift that’s on them!
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This is so sad and I’m sorry your daughter is having to go through this… I absolutely cannot imagine doing that to my grandbaby. In fact, I’m always calling my son and his girlfriend asking for a sleepover with him. I adore him so much and would feel the same about any more grandbabies in the future. I dont understand how some grandparents can do that. I love being a Grammy so much. Shame on your parents for leaving your daughter out…
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I just can’t imagine favoring one over the other. I have 3. Each is unique and wonderful. I never play favorites whether it’s time or presents. Only problem is the youngest is out of state so our time together is mostly FaceTime. Sad because in a few years they have missed your daughter growing up.
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You have answered your own question. As the grandparent if 2 boys ( separate families) i do not have a favorite, however, because I’m nit as young as I once was, its more difficult to take care of the 3 week old than the 11 year old because he requires almost constant care. If your daughter is high strung (ADHD or not) , its entirely possible that your parents just do not have the energy. My suggestion is, until she is a little older, invite them to your house or stay with your daughter & visit them at their house. Invite them out to do things, a concert in the park, playground date etc…if they turn down offers to visit while you are present then maybe the subject shoukd be approached with them.
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Let it go. Focus on other relationships. Just accept the way things are going to be and stop expecting more than you will ever get. Sorry!
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If she is too much energy for your elderly parents to handle, instead of dropping her off why not visit a bit and stay with her and run around after her? The stress of a child injuring themselves bc they’re a ball of energy you can’t keep up with is unfair to place on them. Maybe when she’s older and calmer they’ll take her on trips too but for now, since you agree she’s alot of energy, just go with her and let her spend time with her grandparents without them having to chase after her! Win-win!
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For me as a grandma of 8 children, i love them all and I treated them equally, i help my children to take care of their sick son or daughter, being a grandma ill never measured or chooses favouritism, i love them all.
If she has other grandparents let her see them more and I would not ask them any more , but if she ask you then let her go to them and ask why can’t I come over more like my cousins???
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I don’t see it as favoritism if they’ve said your child is too much for them to handle. If you want your daughter to see her grandparents more often because she wants to see them why is that all on the grandparents to do alone? You can’t be mad at them for feeling overwhelmed with managing her in their house.
Start planning things and inviting your parents to your home, schedule activities or occasions that you all can enjoy together. This way they aren’t responsible for her, managing her behavior. You will be there parenting.
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I’d be upfront and tell them how you feel and if that doesn’t do it then I would slowly distance myself to see if they even notice and if they didn’t just keep on going
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I have 3 grandkids. Two 4yr old boys and a 18 mo old girl! I love all of them dearly! They are my heart and soul and I would do almost anything for them! The boys are so different tho. My oldest and babygirl live 6hrs away so I don’t get to see them much! I wish they lived closer. That has alot to do with our relationship. But not everything! My oldest boy is high strung! He’s like a little tornado! He doesn’t listen very well amd he can’t hardly sit still and do one activity at a time. I get it. He’s 4 and a boy! I am a young grandma at 42 but I’m disabled and have a hard time keeping up with him! He wears me out physically. My younger boy is opposite. Granted he lives close to me and spends every weekend with me. He runs and plays too but he can also sit quietly and play with his toys or watch a show. He understands that grandma gets tired and listens when I say we need to calm down for a while. If u didn’t know any better u would think he is my favorite but its only because he lives closer and spends more time with me. I love all of them more than anything! Sit and talk to ur parents. There’s got to be a way to make things work!
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Accompany her to the visits because u already know why they avoid her. That way you both win.
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For me it’s happening and we love under the same roof but I see even the difference between my oldest and her sister it sucks only cuz my youngest looks more like me and my side of the family and is a bit on the full side and for the oldest well she got the sporty body not skinny or full . And even she says why do they buy and streat me better than my sister. I’m just like honestly idk but as long as us three girls are together were fine. Skinny isn’t all in life or fashion. And I hate that they try to dress my oldest like one of her cousins I mean they are not bff’s and that makes my youngest put aside now my oldest doesn’t accept anything the cousin has cuz she doesn’t see her as her sister. I’m glad cuz she doesn’t let no one put her real sister aside anymore
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I have 2 children and 12 grandchildren. When I was a child, we spent a lot of time with my mom’s family. My nannie was the best. My nannie had 32 grandchildren. I always felt loved by my nannie. My grandparents (dad’s parents) were different. Not a lot of time. But I remember my grandparents coming over and bragging at Christmas about what they gave my aunt’s children. We would get a lousy little thing. My mom and dad had 9 children. Between my 2 aunts they had 9 children. There really wasn’t a great relationship with us. It hurt my mom a lot. Well here I am with 2 children and 12 grandchildren. Some are step children. I treat them all the same. They all are mine. I love them all the same.
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A long heart to heart in person. Just feelings. That way you made the step and how it goes after that will be up to them. Family functions are a great way also to mend bonds. You can’t change anyone but yourself. I have 6 grand kids and would have any of them any time. And I have two that are super hyper. Do this for yourself and child. And then let it go. What happens, happens. Beside there’s a lot of non blood elderly people that would love the chance to be a step in grand parent. I know. I have many that call me Nana. Good luck 
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I see this with my parents too. They will never ask for my kids to go visit them. I on the other hand don’t insist. My kids also don’t ask me if they can visit their grandparents. We r all ok. But in my heart I say I will love all my grandies without showing favouritism.
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My Mom died when my two were 6 and 3. My kids were the only grands and were adored by my parents. My Dad married a friend of my Mom’s, who was little younger, about 2 1/2 year after Mom died. The new wife had younger kids and grands. My two were often overlooked in favor of the younger grandkids. Also my full siblings kids. I never said a word. My kids noticed though and were hurt. They remember it to this day. My father was to blame for not standing up for my two. This would have never happened if my Mom was alive. They are 39 and 42 and married, both very successful with children of their own.
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I would just be honest and tell them how you feel but also how your daughter feels she is only 3 and doesn’t understand why she can’t see them but they are her grandparents and should know what its doing to her. SHAME on them !!
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My son is ADHD and it was hard for his grandparents on both sides to take care of him. His sister spent more time with my parents than my son did and I completely understood why. Honestly, I had a hard time keeping up with my son🥺
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I have been dealing with this same issue for 20 years
But all I can do is ask if they can visit that grandparent
I have both grandparents that favor one of my kids over the rest
It’s heartbreaking
Idk what to say anymore as my kids are all teens now
I love all my grandchildren the same and even the 5 yrs autusim grandson treated the same tell them i love them everyday and my door open to them alway can sleep when ever they ask i never so no that love
If she is real active,they might be afraid of her getting hurt while there because they aren’t as able to jump to control the situation,I was in that place when my grandson was small,they are so inquisitive ,prayers n hugs
Have your parents over more often or you take your daughter there. Your daughter isn’t old enough to see you as the bad guy unless your putting unnecessary thoughts in her head. If there are rifts in your family don’t pull your daughter into that.
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If they dont want her in their life, than that should be respected. Do not push her into an a toxic relationship just because they grandparents . Stand up for your child and deal with them other ways 
Just remember they are the ones missing out with there selfishness. I hope her other grandparents are close with her.
A 3 year old won’t know the grandparents are favouring one child over another without you telling them and showing them and telling them. If they can’t handle your child because she has ADHA then stay with her when you visit.
My mother does this, you will never get your point across. Mum acts like she has no idea what I’m talking about.
My grandma did the same to me as a child and my mum hated it yet does it to her own now.
My kids have gotten over it. They don’t ask about seeing her, and it has caused rifts between them and their cousin.
Show them this post! This is how much you are concerned about their relationship with you and your daughter,they should love her no matter what and be honest with you! I think if you show them this it will tell them how much you & her want to have time with them 
I will hope for best wishes for you and your daughter 
is it because of their father… mine did that because they hated my youngest’s daddy, even tho he was better than first 2s daddy… told mama straight out… your grand daughter needs you… at least pretend… she did…her grand daughter, my baby, never knew the difference
I am sorry you feel this way. Based on the information you provided, I am not convinced yet that your parents have a favorite. She does see them once a month which for some families, is sufficient but I understand you want more. Your parents might have favorites but there might be other issues involved in their hesitancy to see your daughter more. You state that your parents are older and your daughter might have ADHD. They might not be able to handle her high level of energy and that is why seeing her once a month is what they can do. I also would like to know what you are doing to handle her behavior if it is a bit much. We know that your daughter cannot help that she has ADHD, we have children in our family who have it. That is fine. However, their parents are wonderful about teaching them what they can and cannot do just like they teach their other kids. They are not treated differently or allowed to have free rein at home. If you identified symptoms that make you suspect she has ADHD, you need to see when she could be evaluated. She might require special help and the earlier you AND her can better understand her condition the better. In summary, people might have favorites when it comes to kids. They just do not need to show it so the child doesn’t feel like something is wrong with them. people love others in different ways but it doesn’t mean they do not love them.
Sweetie it may not be more than her energy. Kids with ADHD are hard to handle for most. Being older it is harder. I have a son with ADHD he is almost 20 now and he is still hyper.
Im going to attempt to tell how he explained ADHD to me.
Mom, your mind is Always busy even in sleep. When you are awake you want or need to concentrate on 1 simple task. Cleaning my room
So I start cleaning and out of no where you see that coloring page I will color cleaning room coloring OH! MICKEY MOUSE is on I will watch the mouse color my page and clean my room ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Brain. 
. Nope. But kid tries really really hard. Hyper Activity. Brain on a roll body on a roll all is well THEN 
PURE ANGER. How come My Stupid Room isnt clean How come my page isnt colored, What happened to Mickey Mouse??? 
. Thats when then are young.
My Son. He watches tv, plays Mine Craft on his PSP and chats on PC all at once and will answer a question if I have one or if I need help. He will do that and back to everything. Multi Tasking is an ADHD suffers life and cant be shut down and very rarely at a young age accomplish much more than mess making.
I dont think its a favorite issue its a calm easy to take care of issue. Mommy as the parent we get hurt feelers because we dont want OURS to be left out.
If her Doctor knows she has ADHD you may want to try some medications out now. She will be in Kindergarten soon. She will need a calmer surrounding in her mind and body. Maybe with this as well for adjusting for school in the near future? Grandma Grandpa can be a place to spend some time with.
I wish your Doll Baby Well and Filled with Blessings. 
An energetic 3 year doesn’t necessarily mean ADHD. Talk to your parents about spending time with your daughter. If they get mad, too bad!!
Yes go with her and stay till they get use to routine and go more than once a month this way you can see if they have energy for her
Have a heart to heart with them and get their side of the story they might have valid reasons which once known might be able to rectified.
Do not allow that to bother you. Try and create things that will distract the child’s attention to elsewhere instead. Always make her feel happy with other schedules. Make her too busy to even think going for a visit to anywhere. Let the child be occupied with many educational and professional activities. Allow her to explore the world. After all it’s the value in your child that will attract the entire population to her and not even just family members. Let her feel that the whole world are getting attracted towards her and that time the grandparents will be seen struggling to find themselves to get closer to her saying she is their own. They will claim ownership because of the value in her. Hope they will not be late.
Go with the child and stay for the visit. That way grandparents and grandchild can enjoy each other but you can still be there to help.
This happen to me. She was so spoiled that I let her go live with her Grandma at 18. Still unable to take her sour mouth. She did a stint in jail. Her life has been a down fall. Gran left her her house and she even lost it. Please ppl don’t let this happen to your child.
Maybe the Boy is just too much they are old we don’t have the patience we used too
I think make sure the boy does things right or you can’t blame the Grandparents totally
Be honest speak up for your daughter. Let them know that you’ll be there if she’s too much. If they keep responding the same way maybe it’s time to cut ties with them.
Maybe when she is a little older and can do more for herself Nan might take her more
If you think you childxhas add and realize she can be a handful for your elderly parents … change a few things. Be mindful of what she eats on a day she is going to see your parents so she is not bouncing from sugars and carbs. Teach your child to be careful around G P & G M, teach her inside voice. Sometimes little kids can be a lot. It’s hard and not always fair .
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For starters stop feeling bad about some you have no control over and your daughter will feed off your resentment
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Perhaps as she gets older and is able to occupy herself better your parents will find it easier to spend extended amounts of time with her especially if they are elderly? Maybe visits more often but for less time would work better!
I used to feel that way about my daughter and her cousin… they’re 2 months apart.
Ya know what … just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s hard to but it’s just not worth giving it any more energy … turned out my daughter ended up being a bit of the favorite after all.
Find a good set of grandparents they are the ones missing out.
Maybe adopt a grandparent at a senior center.
They won’t be able to things like her real grandparents, but it sounds like your parents are overwhelmed.
What about the other set of grandparents?
Speak to your pediatrician. Sometimes it is difficult for grandparents when a child is way more active than they can handle.
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I like having one at a time with mine. It’s special just for them, but I and they know it’s this way and on a rotating basis.
Heck I’m to open, I tell my Mama straight up & down, u don’t mess with my boys but take 7 trips a year to be in Tx with my brother and his kids 5 kids & have yet to have taken my boys to the park for free but because of that I make sure I give them All the extra love I have
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No it’s a losing battle , they have every right to pick the easiest child to deal with, they are old and you won’t understand untill you are old, tired, and worn out… they have no obligation , the beauty of being a grand parent. I couldnt handle one of my grandsons when they were younger, could not sit still even if I was interacting with him, after raising 3 girls who were very mello and could focus on 1 activity at a time , good knows is he’s an adult now,21 and slowly he grew out of it, we spent alot of time when he was a teen, we are best friends now and even had a beer together last week…
There are always underlying reasons just ask your parents, they can’t mind read, take there answer , what ever it may be and don’t try to change it. Move on… tell your daughter a little white lie if you have to do she’s not affected by this… it just tell her the truth, she needs to l learn to control her behavior in order to be able to specs time with them
Wear your child out before your visit , maybe she’ll be more calm.
Does the other grandchild (the boy) has energy like to girl grandchild? If so there’s no reason why the girl grandchild couldn’t go .
You’re parents are old, make an effort to bring your kids around them if you want them to have a relationship.
You schould take your dauter and be there with her for the viset. If they wont to go to eat or the park
And woid lik for her to go with you
Meat them there and stay wiith them when they cant handle her then you are there to healp. There are ways that she can be with her granparents. Talk to them and get ther input on the
Mater. Dont no one have to miss out on all thst love, fun, and Making menmareys that will last a life time. You schould have back yard fun that incloueds
The orther child as well and he mother. At granparents home take lots of pic.
I only know one way to deal with that, and that is to be blunt, why should you have to be the bad guy when your parents are the ones at fault? Confront them, there is already a rift, and it isn’t going to get better, may as well hit it head on.
Maybe you should have the nephew over often and the two children become besties and can go together to g’parents
Vile behavior.
My mother played favorites. It hurt both of my children and I really wanted nothing to do with her.
You’re an adult, they’re adults. Talk to them, let them know how you feel about the situation; in a calm manner. Ask what the problem is and how it can be resolved. Simple 
You need to talk to them. Because a rift is happening just a silent one
Been there done that and it didn’t end well for me. ;(
My Mom always had favorites and scapegoats amongst her own children. It was obvious to any one with eyes. Those slights carried from childhood through our lives all the way to old age, and even to her death. She never gave a reasonable answer as to why. She said my brother was a long, skinny baby. I never got an explanation at all. We were affected by this our entire lives. No child or grandchild should be treated as such.
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Moje dzieci zabierają mnie na wakacje i wtedy jestem z wnukami,lepiej ich poznaję
So sorry. You may not be able to fix this, no matter what you say or do. I speak from experience.
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It’s probably because he is easier to take care of, in my case with my grandchildren my daughter disciplined her son who is now a well behaved 6 year old and is always welcomed here with us. Unfortunately she failed to do the same with her 23 month old daughter and she destroys my house whenever they visit. I’m sickly so I haven’t the strength to do the disciplining at this stage-
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You cant tread lightly through something like this. Do not overlook this for the sake of not causing a rift! Because honestly, there already is one. Your feelings and your child’s feelings especially, are valid. I would tell them how you feel and how it makes her feel. If they get upset, thats their choice, they are adults and they can do whats right or go away.
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Maybe go over with your baby. She might take a lot out of them.
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I’d say I know you love a but b notices you give a a lot of attention you do love b don’t you can you show b a bit more attention please ather wise I’ll have to think of what I can do about this problem
It’s all about love . I love them all
That’s why I only have one grandchild hehe I’m so glad
That’s not fair! I love all my grandchildren
Be blunt is my guess 
It is your child. She deserves to be stood up for. As a grandchild that was not one of my grandmothers favorites it hurts and I started resenting her and my other cousins. They are starting the family riff…
Has this been since birth between the 2 cousins? I’m going to ask what everyone else seems to be ignoring. Is it because of the gender? I see this so much either way. The grandparents only have time for the grandson or the granddaughter depending on their preference.
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I’m the divorced father of this mess and it’s true all of it
Rift or not, speak the truth. Your daughter deserves it.
You answered your own question. Your parents are too old to handle a3 year old with adhd.its not only that she can be hyper but your parents are getting stressed out. It’s not fair for either of them.
Just dont ask them to see your daughter ,let her be wiyh people only that want to be her…children can sense when theyre not wanted and that does much more damage …
get some educational materials from the DR. OFFICE!!! they need to learn how to talk to her and appreciate in full all she is going thru!!! maybe they just dont understand what it is… and how to deal with it all… and that is really important that they treat her well and with respect…
Why am I getting this crap?
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Build the world that loves her- if they arent in it then its their loss…
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No advice but they may be of the mindset that boys are more important
Wear her out before going there.
I would have her call them and have phone conversations with them at least weekly so they can still be close even if they can’t handle all of her energy in large doses. Once she gets a little older it will probably be easier for them to reason with her… but while she is so young it is probably just too much for them.
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I’d just be vocal with them and tell them that it bothers you. ADHD isn’t something you can control (my daughter is almost 10 & has it.) And my parents are also older (my dad is almost 70, my mother 4 years behind). No child should ever feel less loved because of something that they cannot help.
I take my grandkids every chance I get… They’re ALL important to me. Because they will grow and then have lives of their own. They will be too busy to hang out with strangers… I’m not gonna be a stranger to my own grandkids! EVER
If you talk to her it may make it worse. Maybe a cold shoulder for awhile may do the trick. Maybe there are other reasons the other grand kid is over so much? Stay out of it from a parent on the other side of it.
I would not give shit what it started my parents would not treat me child that way need to gas light their asses put them on blast
Explain that this doesn’t happen intentionally and you’re all the same . What you personally seek to change is what you need to do and not others . Not a Mother or Father .
The truth will set u free! Say what’s up, period!
Sending prayers. Sorry for the loss.
You don’t approach them
Maybe you invite them over more?
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It’s not fair, but it happens. Your parents probably favor their other grandchild over yours Nevada your siblings was their favorite. My mom was thrilled to be a Nana to my kids, until my sister had a baby. Then it was all about her kid. Tell your parents it hurts. So what about a rift. They’re hurting you ansdyour child’s feelings…