My kids wanted to know why they didn’t have a room and a bed at grandpa’s house. I was honest and said his wifes children our the favorites. I told my dad what I said and he started taking the older ones out for trips one on one.
I went through (and still continue) the same thing. I was just told over and over that there was no favoritism which made me even more mad. I literally just learned to live with it. They’ll see eventually.
If it’s toxic walk away don’t beg anyone to be in your child’s life family or not if they want to be there they will
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Clearly they are partial.
That’s bad grandparenting
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Some good advice here. Some older people can’t handle the confusion, noise and excess energy. Stay with your parents with your daughter. If there is a medical problem like ADHD might get medical advice. If it is lack of discipline only you can change that.
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What if you stay when your lil one visits my dads older and had a horrible accident with traumatic brain injury my son is adhd and he can wear him out its not my dad doesn’t love him its my dad sometimes has issues with all questions and him bouncing off walls
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If they don’t want her around- don’t bring her around them… I refuse to bring my child around anyone that doesn’t LOVE my child as much as I do. I’m scared someone will hurt my child.
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You can’t force them to spend time with her. Grandparents want to spend time enjoying their grandkids. They don’t want to spend their time disciplining, chasing & being stressed by their grandchildren. It sounds like your nephew is more fun & less stress than your daughter. It’s their choice & right to choose not to deal with her. Sorry I know it’s hard to swallow. Maybe invite them on outings with you or invite them to your home. That way she can spend time with her grandparents but you will be handling the discipline.
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It sounds like maybe it’s too much for them to handle your parents aren’t youngsters anymore
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Be open and honest I had to be my kids grew up watching my parents favor my sisters kids…but the fukkin straw that broke the camel’s back was them promising to come to my sons high school graduation and the day before they called and said they wouldn’t be here!! I didnt speak to them for 3 years!!
Wow! I’d point blank say… hey mum n dad don’t be dickheads. What you are both doing is stupid!
My parents never watch mine , my boys are high energy but it hurts to never be included in stuff or treated like the outsider because one is autistic and the other is wild
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My mom and dad would do that to my son. I stopped talking to my family for theost part. Never asked for help if I could help it and when I did finally ask them for help my son got hurt. I didn’t speak to my mom till she died and my son was a week away from being 3… My dad is still never really around but I also have pretty questionable parents lol 
I’m not sure how you wanna deal with it but may e it’s best to just bring her around other people that will love her and show her attention and love her for all her wild child and curiosity adventures all her bundle of energyness. I’m thankful my son’s step dad LOVES my child to death and does literally everything with them. My child’s wild as hell and I’m thankful there’s people all around that love him
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Go with her, don’t just drop her off. Maybe they can’t handle her energy and that’s no one’s fault. What if you all go to the park together. This way she can burn some energy and still get to spend time with them. I wouldn’t ask them why they play favorites instead ask what can you do to help them and your daughter spend more time together. Accusing or assuming can lead to a family disagreement. Good luck.
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Can you burn off some of her energy before you visit with her? She’s 3 and going to grandma and grandpa’s is probably so exciting for her. Maybe take her to the park first and then their house? Other than that, I feel like eventually it’s going to need to be discussed. Maybe instead of accusing them you can try to see what they feel they need to make her stay more tolerable? Not everyone has the capacity to deal with rambunctious children and since they’re older, they’ve clearly forgotten just what a handful kids can be (naturally.) Your daughter is just having fun, her grandparents need to figure out a way it can be fun for everyone, maybe with your guidance if they don’t want to take those first steps.
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Don’t force people to be in your lives, I’d distance myself… life is too short to try to control what other people do.
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Maybe the other parent of your nephews just drops him off or continually asking
You said there are always excuses. What are the excuses? That can explain a lot; make sure it is not timing. And, if it the child’s level of energy, there has to be some understanding to that; especially if there are some special needs.
I say speak to your parents in a non accusatory manner (do not assume it is favoritism). Many times things go left because of the manner in which try to resolve issues.
Acknowledge your child may have some hyper activity and offer to be around when your daughter is there so they can have quality time with the pressure of handling her alone or tire her out prior to visiting your parents.
Just a few ideas.
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I think you might be in denial about your child’s behavior.
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Andrew Scott Russell.
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It’s sad honestly but if I wear in your position. I will just avoid my child seeing them so that he/she won’t feel the way he/she felt. Love your child the way he/she doesn’t have to look for othe people because he/she is contented with you as his/her family. 
God bless
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They will always say there’s no favortism… but you’ll still see it. It’s a awful feeling. But don’t beg for them to be in your life. Don’t let your child be last choice either. Remove yourself from the equation.
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Go with her and stay with her. They probably are afraid they can’t keep up with her. They may need your help.
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I’m 64 I can handle 3 girls at a time. 8. 9. 10. But they know I’ve had a stroke so they help grandma. I can no longer watch the babies .and I miss it.
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Yes.
Go with her - if you can. Or get someone to be there for the harder parts.
Do a lot of prep - pack food, snacks, toys, painting, crafts etc.
I don’t know their situation. But if they’re old/handicapped and tired, maybe offer to help around: bring dinner, let them hang out with granddaughter with you nearby, (if you’re young and ok and they’re comfortable) get on the dishes, mopping, take the garbage out etc.
They’ll be looking forward for her visits 
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I have Triplets and one is always favored then my other 2. It does bother me and hurts. I have been vocal about it but it still happens They should all be treated the same . 
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From a grandparents view. Our oldest grandson lived with us for the first 6 yrs of his life. My daughter worked weekends, so he went with us everywhere so she didn’t have to pay daycare. It’s not that we favor him, it’s who we have the closest relationship with. We now have 5 grandchildren, 3 who live in another state. The oldest of those 3 are just getting old enough to come stay at our house to visit for 2 weeks(just went home). We love all our grandkids the same. Some are definitely easier to be around as manners and discipline has been instilled from day one. Please understand your older parents. We can’t keep up with them as well as we could our own children.
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I am going through this also and if they don’t call and check on them or ask to see them then I cut them out my life my kids are good but both have a way of keeping you on your toes and don’t need the negative from them… my babies are so happy without them and thats all I want is for them to be happy
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It’s hard. Even if you try to cover though, she’ll get old enough to know. Best to just back away & find people that will include her. 
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Very carefully, letting them know how much you daughter loves them and would like to spend more time with them. If you talk to you parents about this, regarding that you see her being treated differently, will that start a tiff?
Visit with ur child, don’t just drop her off.
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I get you my ex in-laws favour my exes brothers daughter. Our daughter can’t even get a text message or call from them.
It’s just disgusting how adults can play favourites with kids.
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I’m 70 and almost 71 and have 9 grandchildren. They are all under the age of 14. Six of them I don’t get to see a lot because they don’t live close. But the other 3 are 14, 11, 4. We have such fun together. I love all of my grandchildren but, are closer to the 3 because I get to see them more and they will come and spend the weekend with me. The others don’t get the chance to do that. But, I love them all.
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This is only the start of it am afraid as adhd mum myself it will always by an excuse why they can’t spend time with the child, even when your there the child will always be the naughty or bad one am afraid this will never change and will only get worse as they get older one day your child will stop asking to go and visit and learn the fact that they are not part of their lifes which is a shame but the grandparents are missing our so missing seeing the little one grow no matter what hurdles they go through xx
I’d totally distance myself from them because you can’t force people to love more or show some human decency… sorry mama but you have to protect your child even from family members. don’t let people make her believe she has to be tolerated and hard to love . Id Correct them once but don’t waste another moment… your child don’t need grandparents to know she’s a great kid. Sorry …some grandparents suck ass and don’t have the ability to extend there love as much as you do. I’m sure you’ll be diffeent when your kids have kids… youll have more love to give and that’s all that matters.
Honestly give up now while your ahead. It’s toxicity written all over it. Been there, dealt with this exact thing. You can voice your opinion but it won’t change because they see it differently than you. It sucks but honesty why expose her to people that don’t want to except her for who she is. Take her out and do something fun with her and make her feel special when she asks to see them. Hugs 
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I go through it too. Just have to accept it. You can’t force a bond between them. It sucks, and I have to break my humans heart sometimes. It’s a little more complicated on my end though, and it honestly shouldn’t be. I feel you though. Just gotta let it go.
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It’s actually very common in Families to pick favs. Parents have their favorites and so do Grandparents. It’s life, sorry to say. Took me awhile to accept things like this.
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My parents( divorced) favor other grandchildren. The way I see it is, that parents fav child’s children will be their fav grandchild
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My in-laws did that to my kids they are in there late 30s and they still talk about how my husband’s sisters kids were the greatest and they made mine feel like shit it was very noticable for them at young age it’s really sad that grandparents would do that to little ones !!
See let me tell you this my child gets called my moms “pet” favorite
Because she does overboard on him & does freak out when it comes too him but at the same time we live with her & help as much.
We also have ran into physiological & medical problems with my son as too the other grandchildren we’ve not
So think maybe something’s going on & right now them babies need them right now.
Maybe you’re not being told because they think you’re daughter may have ADHD & your already worried enough.
Family riff or not stand your ground you’re her mom
You need to stay with your child! ADH is a tough thing to handle and if they’re older, I can see why! Is he being treated?
Why would you even put your daughter in that situation? If she truly is being treated differently then remove the toxic ppl. Don’t complicate something so easy.
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I would try visiting with your daughter and her grandparents and make them short visits. Maybe they don’t know about adhd and don’t know what to expect. Short visits, more frequently will give them more exposure to your daughter and they will have your support there. As they spend more time together, hopefully they will understand more about adhd and know they can handle it. Just a suggestion.
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She just might be too much for them. It’s heartbreaking for all but you wouldn’t want someone watching your child that can’t either.
Sad for her 
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Just come straight out ,I don’t believe in favoring one child/grandchild over another especially if they are siblings.
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There wrong. No way around it. If your nephew can go over with no problem your daughter should be welcomed ruth open arms. Blood or no blood no one would make my kid feel like shit
Ok your parents are older and probably don’t have the energy to keep up with your daughter and her high energy. Speaking from experience. I have a few grands with adhd and autism it’s a bit much to have yo keep up with them.
I think it has everything to do with how active your daughter is. My 3 boys have always gone to spend school breaks with my parents but it took my parents 5 almost 6 years to have my daughter over because she is exactly how you describe your daughter. It doesn’t hurt my feelings because I understand and I wouldn’t even wish my daughter upon them lol.
I would ask them straight out though if it really bothers you
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I’m sorry. This might be just the start of it.
I’m 26 and my whole life, my paternal grandparents always favored the older two before me. I was forever left out. And now my oldest is favored over me and my other two. Nothing me or anyone else says will make them see it. Nothing will change that. And I’ve come to accept it and distance us from them
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My son is 3 and has adhd very difficult child to deal with. He’s constantly going and never stops until he’s tired. He would run for 20 hours straight if I let him which is never but his high energy level drives me crazy and I have my freak out moments which is normal. My family has never offered to help me watch him but it comes to my stepsister her mother has no problem watching her blood grandchild. But mine is a different story. We just have to be the best moms we can be with or without help.
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Rehome the grandparents and adopt new ones….
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My mom favors my brother’s kids more. She drops everything for those kids. I look at it as her lost my kids are amazing! My kids are 10, 8, 5, and 1. My 1 year old is afraid of her she’s a stranger and she doesn’t know anything about my other 3
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I have this issue with all of my kids grandparents 
my parents practically raised my nieces, one lives with them, another is over several times a week, what ever any of my nieces want they get. Their other grandma lives with her other grandchildren and the first time we took her out to spend times with our kids she just kept talking about her other grandchild, their other grandpa didn’t never had much of a relationship with his son (my partner) didn’t see him until he was almost 30 and instead raised his step kids like they were his own and so those grandchildren are his favorite. Sometimes life is unfair and unkind and as a parent to see your child treated this way is painful, but all you can do is love them enough and a little extra to make up for it
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Me and my sister were the less wanted grand children still are. They’re going to do what they want. Just make sure you make your daughter interacts with people who actually want to be around her. She’ll be able to speak up for herself soon enough. Don’t stress yourself out.
This is so sad. If your child has a ton of energy I can see why they might be reluctant to keep them over night etc but think you still need to have a chat about favouritism it’s not on. Can you try visiting with your child for an hour when they are free a few times a week?
It’s probably not favoritism but more it’s easier to deal with your nephew. If your daughter is as high strung as you say I would bet they just can’t keep up with her.
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Tell your parents how you feel … If they if they choose to take offense that is their problem … If you notice things don’t change after you have spoken to them remove yourself and your child from their toxic lives … There is plenty they could to in order to spend time with your child … Favoring one child over another is not acceptable …
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Tell them that if they take one they have to take both, it’s not unreasonable and they should know better than that by now
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Oh that’s very sad,
You need to sit down with your parents and let them know how you feel.
I have 4 grandkids and treat them all equally. Good luck 
Have you spoken to them about it? Let them know you see it and it hurts you. That’s not
right. I’m so sorry
High strung personalities can be the cause of anxiety for some people. This can put a strain on relationships that is unpreventable. One can’t tolerate intensity and the other can’t tolerate calm. People are different. Not all of us are comfortable around everyone. I have raised six children, partially raised two others. The high energy kids are always exhausting to me; sometimes so exhausting that it’s unenjoyable and makes it hard for me to function.
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I’m so sorry. My children noticed it immediately. I would get phone calls, about 3-4 hours after I dropped them off, saying we want to come home. Thankfully, My oldest stood up for her sister and didn’t run with the fact that she was the “favorite”. I learned to open my mouth. It took about 3-4 months before we talked to, or saw my mom after that. I just put my foot down and said that you have 2 grandchildren (at that time). It’s either all or nothing. I did not hold back. Sadly my middle daughter is now very shy around a lot of people, and doesn’t talk too much to my parents due to being very uncomfortable. The damage was done and no matter what I have done, I couldn’t fix her “broken heart”. Don’t stop yourself from saying anything to your parents. You will feel better, and your children will too. They don’t deserve to be treated, or feel that way.
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Talk to them about it and if it doesn’t change then they’re assholes🤷♀️
What about her father parents .she can go there …
I’m a grand parent . I have twelve grandkids. And on my life I do not favor one more then the other…
All they have to do is ask they can come.im a single grandparent and if one is overly hyped( which I have a few) I deal with it …keep them busy till they are tired . I don’t understand the favoritism especially when a child is hurt…
Can’t you go over with her? My nan doesn’t drive but I make sure I see her a least one or two times a week. Maybe take your daughter over with you there. If she is too much for them don’t leave her there so you can deal with her 
Had the same issue with my daughter and the inlaws, don’t worry they’ll regret it and your daughter will speak up about it, thank God we surrounded her with love and support so that she doesn’t need them
yes, dont tread lightly tell them straight your daughter feels left out. you are your childs voice, make it herd
Maybe shes a a bit full on for them to handle but it is hurtfu. They are your parents so id be upfront with them and tell them how you feel at least it gives them a chance to give you an answer
Have to admit tho my grandson was diagnosed colieac at 18months and i was terrified to have him in case i fed him the wring food. It hurt my daughter and she spoke to me about it . Ive regretted it ever since…
Worst thing to ever have to deal with. We just keep our distance from them all for the most part. The only person I can even stand is my dad. My entire rest of the family are all selfish assholes. I’m pretty forgiving, but this last time was the nail in the coffin for us, when they took the other two grandkids to Great Wolfe Lodge without my daughter.
There’s absolutely no excuse as to why they’re favoriting a child over another. They are both their grandchildren and it isn’t fair. I’m so sorry mama. I know too much about this topic as well. Sit down and talk about this with them, if they refuse to change, then the decision is completely up to you. I will say this though, your child will grow up and realize the favoritism, it’s up to you and how you can change it.
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So you’re talking dropping her off and leaving them alone with a child they don’t feel capable of keeping up with?
How about you go visit your parents with your daughter. YOU watch your daughter and keep her from getting into things. Meanwhile, you get to visit your parents - something, btw, that many of us wish we could still do.
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If they’re older and she’s full of energy, they might not be able to care for her even if they wanted to, especially since they have vocalized that she is too much for them. Invite them over to your place and host them, plan some weekends where you take her over and you watch her so that they’re not overwhelmed with her care.
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You need to talk to them. Ask them what the reason is they don’t want to spend time with her, let them tell you. I understand that your daughter is active but she still is their grandchild. As she gets older she is going to notice and it will hurt even more. Tell them she misses them but if they can’t be fair then you would rather keep her away as it’s your job to protect her… Even from getting hurt by her grandparents
Just mom yall make difference with my child and she is hurting if they DON’T feel from this and imbrace her MY CHILD WOULDN’T GO OVER THERE R THEY LOVING PARENTS TO U THEY SHOULD KNOW HOW TO MAKE A CHILD MINE 3 CONE ON TELL ME ONE THAT IS MOVING 90 GOING NORTH
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Don’t tread lightly.
You will regret it. A family rift can be fixed, if it can’t be, you didn’t need them in your life.
Be your child’s voice until they learn to be their own.
It breaks my heart see children being treated differently.
Imo, when a child witnesses another being treated differently especially within the family, it makes it seem like discrimination is okay.
She may not notice it now, but she will sooner than you think and it will break you the day she asks why.
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honestly don’t tread lightly or you will regret it. fix it now before she gets older. my daughter starting noticing it around that age (2/3) and she’s now 5. she still has times when she breaks down and tells me how it hurts her heart that so and so ignores her, doesn’t listen to her, plays with x cousin but doesn’t ever play with her etc. we came home from a family supper one time and she cried because she felt like no one wanted her there. that’s just one example of many and i wish she never had to feel that way, i worry so much about how it could affect her in the future as she grows up so please don’t tread lightly, be your child’s voice.
Well, hopefully they love all the grandkids the same. Like other people have said maybe they just can’t keep up with her. Honestly, I would just come straight out and ask them because all kids should be treated the same way. However, I wouldn’t keep reaching out to them I would let them reach out to you and if it’s the other way around I would just keep my children away from them if they not gonna treat her equally. But,she’s too young to be on meds like that at least where I live the child has to be 5 or so to be diagnosed and on meds for that. The doctors usually like to wait until they start school. Usually, a teacher would recommend the child to get checked for it so they can be put on meds to help them concentrate and focus in school.
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As a person that grew up dealing with not being the favored grandchild, it is very hard. Especially being young and not understanding why certain grandchildren got different things than I did and so on. When this started happening to my own children with their paternal grandparents, I knew exactly how they felt. My 3 year old (almost 4) picked up on it this year. I would talk to them, it didnt help in my case, but if your parents really love you, they will try and fix it.
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I read this as " how can I address the flavouring of my child to my parents" and I just died lol
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Speak up for her it hard to watch others be favored over you and not understanding why the don’t love you the same as the other. Don’t let them take your son all the time you allow it so it happened tell them if they can’t take both they can have neither.
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It sounds like you’re just wanting to drop your daughter off to them. If your parents are older, like mine, they may just not be physically capable of keeping up with her if she has that kind of energy. My mom will take any of my nephews and my older son for sleepovers, but my younger son is a handful simply because he does not stop moving from the time he wakes up until he goes to sleep. People have mentioned that he reminds them of a ping pong ball because he bounces from one thing to another so quickly. My parents are fantastic grandparents, but they’re not in the greatest of health, and keeping up with that is difficult for them. He still spends plenty of time with them. I’ll take both of my kids over during the week to see them. We often get together on the weekends for dinners. And they never make a distinction between any of the kids when they’re all together. How does your mom treat the kids when the whole family gathers? If she ignores your daughter in favor of her grandson, then that’s a problem. If she simply can’t keep your daughter when you want to drop her off, then the problem lies with you.
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Grandparents these days need to do better. 
Don’t tread! Just tell her!
As a child growing up with this exact situation, I craves the attention and ended up having self esteem problems and many more. Either they treat her the same or they need to go.
Your daughter deserves better than that and I wouldn’t allow anybody to hurt my child in soul has a damaging way.
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Ok so I’m the grandmother I’m older and I also work so I’m always tired but my 6yr granddaughter minds and picks up after herself however her lil brother who just turned 3 last week is full of energy I mean from start to finish. He is into everything. So yes it’s easy to get her but I have to be prepared for him. I love them both so very much but my body and mind can’t keep up with him. It’s wonderful if my son stays so I can spend time with the 3yr old. Teach your children to be nice and pick up after themselves
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Honestly, toxic is toxic however you look at it. I’ve cut off family and had arguments about favouritism. Love yourself and your daughter enough not to put yourself through the drama. I was honest with my kids from the start so that it doesn’t affect them. I have 5 kids and no favourites I have different relationships with them all but one won’t be made to feel less than another. You or your daughter shouldn’t have to feel that way either x
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Omg if this doesn’t sound like what I’m going through. I had to boys and my youngest which is 4 months has only met them once and my 4 almost 5 year old son has not seen them since my 4 month old was 7 weeks old. They have offered to take him a few times but then I messege her n something came up yet she watches my step sisters son literally every single day! I’m at a loss as well my oldest just lost his papa (my bfs dad that lived with us) last year. N was there when he passed! It breaks my heart. When you figure it out let me know cause I’m at the point where I’m not begging anyone to be in my child’s life anymore.
Be her voice momma! All 3 year Olds are hard, so her energy isn’t an excuse!
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I approach my parents about them favoring a grandchild? - Mamas Uncut
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My parents did this with my boys.
They would only have the oldest.
when my boys were 10 and 8 I fell off my horse and broke my back, I had to spend 4 months in hospital then 8 months in rehab learning how to walk again.
My parents took my 10 year old and I never heard from them again.
I had 4 other children that my parents have never met!
It’s been 24 years.
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If your parents are older, and your child has a lot of energy, maybe you need to step up, and be present, and take your child to see them more often. Don’t depend on them just requesting to spend time alone with her. Grandparents get tired! I have 5 grandkids. And only one of them is shy and calm. The other 4 wear my butt out! It doesn’t mean I favor one over the others.
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I told my mom she was treating her other grands different and I was allowing her a “last ditch effort to be a grandmother to my kids”and she instantly changed her ways. She and my kids had a wonderful relationship from then on until she passed away quite recently. My oldest stayed with me at her bedside her last few days.
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Maybe she is too hyperactive for them. I love children but I could not babysit a child for more than 15 minutes. Find out why, and be willing to work something out.
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My parents are like this they have 16 grandkids 6 kids only 2 ever get to go on vacations with then they always go to their functions, it bothers me hard core but as my boys have got older they see it and no longer ask to see them and when I do go over there they beg to not go, my boys have called my mom out on it but she just totally manipulates everything and it gets no where so now none of the other grandkids call them out on it nor invite them to things. I knew one day they would all get like that and they have, it’s hard but make sure she knows she s loved and she ll be fine .
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Do you want to leave your daughter there to visit or do you stay also? Do you want her to babysit? If your daughter is ADHD or highly active they may not know how to handle that or at their age they may not have the energy to care for her on their own. If they decline a visit where you are also present ( where you would be watching your child) then I’d say talk to them about it. Gently let them know how you feel. It is totally normal to get upset when you feel your child is being slighted or treated differently.You won’t know their reasons unless you ask. My mom was still working when I had my 1st child and didn’t have a lot of free time and seldom babysat. But she or we visited every weekend. No one needed an invitation…we just went whenever we wanted to. I have 3 grandchildren. Two have always lived very far away and I was lucky if I saw them once a year. They are now 18 and 17. My youngest granddaughter is 4 and her mom and her have lived with me since she was born. Of course I am going to have a closer relationship with the youngest. But I don’t love her any more than I love my other 2!! I love them all equally. The same as I love my children equally. The bottom line is you need to talk with your mom.
I dont think your daughter looks at you as the “bad guy”. She doesn’t have that mental capacity yet, and you really shouldn’t explain to a 3 year old that you feel grandma and grandpa is playing favorites.
Encourage time spent together. Invite them over, or out somewhere, so you can help wrangle your active 3 year old. Since they are older, they may need help with that.
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My parents were the same with my son, I now can’t stand her and won’t have anything to do with her. She was never happy once she said she would take him to the footy but he had to have had his medication which slowed him right down, she complained for months after it because he fell asleep. I just couldn’t win, your damed if you do and damed if you dont. Don’t force the issue, she will only see what my son seen and it hurt him to see my sisters son getting all the attention.
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Just move on with your life. My kids knew there was one rule for one of the grand kids and another for all the rest. It wasn’t pleasant… tried to talk to them but they couldn’t see…
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