You probably lost any trust he did have in you!!
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Life360 on the phone if need be. If you are too harsh you will push him away. Kids don’t like very strict parents, it makes the kids sneakier. Talk to your son and tell him you worry, let him know he can always call you with no repercussions if he’s honest.
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Don’t punish him without telling him why. He’s a minor and it’s your phone… yes he’s entitled to privacy but you spot checked and found he was dishonest. That broke trust…
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As a parent it’s your job to make sure he is safe and to make sure he is where he said he’s going to be. My kids know they have to give me their passcodes anytime they change them and they know that I can randomly go through their phone whenever I or dad feels necessary.
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Oh you sound like my mom. She went through everything. Of course I lied to her. You need to have better communication with him so he won’t be afraid to tell you the truth. He’s a teen he wants to push the edges.
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I would talk to him and ask why lie but calmly talk to him about it
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The fact you don’t want him to know is red flags. You should tell him you went though his phone. It’s ok, you’re his mother and you wanted to check on him. I would ask him about why he has been lying about it. Be open and honest. Kids learn from us. Don’t hide it, don’t lie about it because that makes you no better then what he did. Open that line of communication.
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If you don’t want him to find out you went threw his phone don’t 
if you can’t be honest about that why would he be honest with you ? Obviously y’all don’t have trust in each other maybe sit down and ask him why he felt the need to lie
Wait. You don’t check his phone regularly? We check our kids phones often. With them standing there. They don’t get a warning. We just say hand me your phone. Yes you should say something to him. As well as tighten the reigns. But wait to he has recovered a bit.
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First of I am going to assume u pay for the phone. With that assumption you have every right to monitor his activities. The one thing I will tell you don’t tip ur hand and let him know you checked his phone be a parent pull in the Raines.
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Oof, while he was in surgery and had no idea? Just vulnerable and you went through his stuff? I have no issue checking your kids stuff, I have no problem without there being any notice before hand. But I’m gonna tell them I’m doing it. Especially at 15yo.
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First , tell him you went through his phone. You have that right! 2nd tell him what you have seen. Your his parents, not his bestfriend! All unappreciated actions has consequences! This new woke crap with our kids is doing nothing more then bringing harm! As a parent, you’re to protect, teach, your children wrong is wrong and right is right! Until they pay their own bills, and their own homes, you have rules! Has nothing to do with trust, has to do with the safety of your son! All these people telling you was wrong? You’re not wrong! Doesn’t matter what he was doing, he LIED to you! And he has been caught, and now you let him know!
I raised three of my own. I wasn’t their bestfriend, I was the mother. One rule I had was don’t ever lie to me! I have went to parties that children had no business being at with alcohol, and I led them out, I didn’t care if they were embarrassed, they shouldn’t have been there! I have found notes of stuff going on while I cleaned their room, and I questioned them! It’s our home, I pay the bills, I have that right! I have taken their drivers license away when I found out they was screwing around while driving. Driving and a license is a privilege, not a game!
My oldest son is 36 years old, my deceased 2nd son would be 30, and my daughter is 26 year’s old, and they all 3 said, thank God mom wasn’t our bestfriend like our friends parents. Trust isn’t a one way street, it goes both ways! A truth is a TRUTH, Alie is a LIE!
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I think the best course of action is to be totally honest and have a plan in place to work on yourself(before you sit down and discuss your attitudes and behaviors with your son)
You should have a genuine and sincere apology prepared, and follow through with whatever plan you have in place to do better. If you say you’re going to ask your individual therapist to help you resolve your control issues, do it. If you say you are going to go to parenting classes, do it.
You don’t want to degrade your relationship with your son any more. You don’t have much credibility left to erode either. I think you can come back from this but it’s going to take a lot of work.
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15 year old kid…yep, you have every right to go through his phone and always know where he is and what he’s doing. He’s not grown. He’s a kid.
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Too old to be going through his phone, no wonder he lies to you.
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Put the location on his phone so you can see where he goes at all times 
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Ummm your his parent. He’s 15! My kids don’t get a private phone and they know that. I will go through there phone anytime I want. Why because I’m the parent and it’s a privilege for them to have a phone not a right and it’s my job to make sure they are safe. If they are doing something wrong guess what no phone 
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Neither, work on taking to him and rebuild that trust so he doesn’t have to lie to you. Something happened between you two to make him think he can’t tell you the truth. Good luck momma
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U don’t want him to know you went through his phone 
ma’am he’s 15!!! Do you not do random phone checks …chiiiiiiiiilllllllllleeeee my kids KNOW whenever I randomly say yall come here it’s phone check time baby. But hey that’s just how I roll. I bought the phone, I pay the bill those are not their phones they’re OUR phones 
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You have a right to go thru his phone…it is yours!!! Remind him of that and till he pays his own bills you are responsible for guiding him the right way whether he likes it or not.
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My only issue is you sneaking to do it. You should have been up front and begun doing so long before 15. The moment you gave him the phone should have been the moment you set the ground rules. I’ve been doing phone checks since the Razor and my kids tell me EVERYTHING because I explained why about EVERYTHING.
I would talk with him. I’ve been through this work my oldest and I promise you, then knowing you went through their phone isn’t as bad as them missing and you unaware of where they really were before they disappeared. Also I recommend family link by Google, it’s on all of our phones, and not for snooping. But for safety. There were a few months my daughter hated it, but now she doesn’t even notice. I like it mostly for location.
But the one person you don’t want him lying to is you.
So ask him why he felt he needed to lie about these places and how he can still enjoy himself in safer ways that you also approve of.
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If he is paying for his phone, you had no right. If you are, you should have told him first.
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Oooochile I can tell A LOT of yall would rather be your child/ren’s friend instead of a real parent. Ain’t no way in h3ll a kid in my household has a phone and I don’t have full access. PHONE CHECK, PHONE CHECK, PHONE CHECK
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If you listen to most of these people’s advice, when your kid is able to leave he will, and probably live far away. If you want to have a healthy relationship with your kids when they grow up, you have to have a healthy relationship when they are kids. Depending on where he is going (as long as he’s not destroying other people’s property or hurting anybody) you let him be. By the way, I’m trying not to judge you for worrying about the contents of your kids phone when they are in surgery.
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Why are you afraid for him to know you went through the phone? You pay the bill and are the responsible party for anything and everything he does. Ground him, tighten the reigns, and surely let him know you know otherwise he will think he can continue to get away with such behaviors
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Hey let’s wait till your kid is incapacitated before u invade his privacy and snoop thru his shit then not tell him, but wanna confront him, but you’re asking FACEBOOK what to do 
You are the adult & it’s your phone…tell him and tighten up…
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His phone?
He works and bought his own phone and pays his own bill?
My daughter knew I could go through the phone any time I wanted because I pay for the phone and the bill.
She knew not to lie to me.
If she did try she was in trouble. I raise her like my parents raised me. Non of this new age stuff where kids seem to have more rights then parents.
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Take his phone away for a month
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He is 15… you should be doing random phone checks anytime you want. My son is 12 and knows that’s part of being allowed to have a phone… you’re his parent first so act like it and tell him you know…
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maybe sit him down & tell him everything & see what he has to say about this, This is called communication, It is a great wonderful idea, Yes he might talk, yes he still might do what he wants, up open up & talk to him, you never know
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Well… you’ve basically broken his trust, he Just doesn’t know it yet…Good luck getting a teenager to trust you and be able to go to you with anything again.
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Sometimes we have to stop and ask ourselves why is it that our children are lying to us? I would just maybe think about that before acting on anything, and then create a plan on how to approach the situation
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I wouldn’t tell him any of those. I would just start talking to him about stories that went bad and about that stuff. Like friend to friend
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Sounds like he’s your daddy?! Until he has a job and pays his own bills… there isn’t anything such as privacy on his phone. That how kids are caught up in gangs and negativity! Let him know that you did and maybe you both get some therapy for a more open line of communication. Why did he feel like he had to lie? Why did he make that choice instead of coming clean? Do you open the line of communication with him? It’s more to a lie than him just lying. There is a reason he didn’t come to you and that’s the first thing you have to address.
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Girl check that phone weekly… And don’t be afraid… he is the child … u are the parent
… kids are into all kinds of wild ish these days… I’d rather be safe than sorry .
And if he’s lying about that… what else is he lying about… Trust is earned… not given…and especially at 15…
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Don’t tell. That would be showing your hand. Tighten up the ship!
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Put life 360 on his phone. But confront him. I can’t believe this is a question
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Unless he pays for that phone bill, I’d say you have every right to know what’s going on with his phone. I think too many parents are too afraid of their kids and their reactions. You can’t be held hostage by what might happen. You went thru his phone, own up to it and establish boundaries and rules that he has to follow. Be mom, not the friend.
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Strict parents make for sneaky kids.
Hi! I was one of them. We jusy get smarter about how to hide things.
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I pay the bill I can see your phone anytime I want. These phones are not journal’s people. Kids can invite predators right into your home, your kids can be victims on the internet we provide for them! If it’s on the phone I pay for and your my child it is MY job to make sure they are making responsible choices. Their frontal lobes are not developed
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Truly speaking, I would apologize to him for the lack of trust he has in me to not tell me the truth…I am raising 4 children, my oldest is 16. I do not go through his phone but I tell him all the time that his life belongs to him and that he is loved no matter what and that he would never need to lie to me or to share absolutely everything with me. He is a full human being, as I would not be intrusive abut my friends ’ phones I wouldn’t be about his either. I am not a control Frick, my parents were so at 19 I moved as far as I could from them.
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My kids have phones 11 and 16. If we feel we need to go thru them… We do! They aren’t adults yet, they don’t pay for them, we do.
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I don’t agree with checking phones. If you don’t trust him then he shouldn’t have a phone. Also I would go with the second option, the moment he finds out you invaded his personal “space” he will just find a better way of hiding it / deleting messages. I’m curious what is it he’s lying about? Like why does he feel the need to lie instead of telling the truth. That would be my main concern.
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Wait your upset about him being sneaky but you were sneaky the way you went about it 
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Having a phone as a teenager is dangerous these days. Safety is your kids number one priority. You do what you got to do to keep your kid safe and if that’s going through the phone that you pay for that’s what it is.
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This is what you do:
After his surgery casually bring up how you wanna make sure he’s healing up really well and want to put 360 on his phone to keep up with him while he’s healing …. A week or so from now, randomly ask to see his phone and just start checking it.
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OMG people, the kid is 15! You bash her for going through his phone and you’d bash her if he gets himself in trouble for her not knowing what is on his phone! Can we say double standard!! He is 15, a minor, your responsibility. You pay the phone bill. If he feels like he has to sneak around behind your back, he knows what he is doing is wrong. Toughening tge reins now will upset him, but in time, especially when he has kids of his own he will thank you. That’s what is wrong with kids today. We are parents not friends. We need to act like it!(getting down from my soapbox now)
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Why dont you want him to know you went thru his phone. Your the parent. Not only do I go thru my sons phone I will go thru his room make sure hes not doing other things. I just dont understand why parents feel like they can’t do these things. until that child is 18 I will continue to go thru the phone, ramshack his room, oh yeah now we are into random pee test since he’s going into high school.
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I would put it like"YOU LIVE UNDER MY ROOF, YOU WILL FOLLOW MY RULES" don’t be ashamed of going through his phone. He’s the child and you are the parent. Plain and simple.
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Phones are jot diaries or personal conversations. They have access to the internet, they could literally talk to anyway. Your phone is not fully private until you move out of my house and pay the bill. Until then I’ll make sure they’re all safe. I’ve seen too many stories of parents who were like but my kid was such a good kid I never thought … exactly. These predators are sneaky. && if the kid is being sneaky I find it making sure they’re safe from randoms on the internet so be it lol.
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When we decided my son got a phone, I had a contract written up but he also knows that I can go through his messages and phone anytime I want. Some people disagree with privacy, but you bought the phone and honestly, they are teens. Parents checking is how kids got help or how we find out something they won’t tell us.
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I would confront him. He’s lied to you and knows you would disapprove he’s been going where he has been for what ever reason. Then lose his phone so all contact numbers gone to. Ground him or send him away to recover from surgery. Take control of your son now while you still can and direct him down the right path or you will lose him and he will do what ever he wants whether it right or not.
If he has already been lying about it he is just going to continue to lie and he will start deleting his phone before you can see it put the tracker on there so you will know exactly where he is get him to open up to you about it
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I would be honest about going through his phone because after all you are wanting him to be honest with you. Kids need privacy but they also need to be safe. I think you might have chosen the wrong time to go through his phone. But now you guys have plenty of time to talk and get on the same page. Listen to him. Try to find out what’s making him feel the need to lie to you? Explain to him the importance of knowing where he is going to be. It’s not a controlling thing but a safety measure. for everyone so against it - going through my phone is how my parents found out I was raped and being harassed at 14 years old.
We had 3 teenagers under our roof at one time. (Blended family) They all knew from the time we got them their phones that we could go through them at any time. We also made them agree to have their location on at all times in case they got in a wreck or something. They are all away at college and the military and we still know their location. Parents these days are so worried about being their friend, and giving them their privacy. Uh, when you pay your own bills and are out of my house you can have your privacy.
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Wait…should you be honest about how you found out your son has been dishonest?
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it’s your job to monitor your child’s phone/social media, etc. To teach them what to do and not to do on the internet.
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Depends on what exactly he’s lying about. Like is he lying because you don’t like the friend he’s handing out with or is he lying because he’s going somewhere unsafe? Or is he lying because he doing what every teen does and going somewhere drinking with a bunch of people?
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If you don’t want him to know you went through his phone then obviously you can’t confront him.
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Absolutely let him know after recovery u went through his phone . Remind him ur his parent not his friend . Unfortunately You aren’t happy you’ve been lied to and the freedom he’s recently had will be coming to an end . Don’t even go back and fourth with him you say what u have to say and that’s it ! Also get a tracker on his phone . Life 360 maybe or find my iPhone
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If you don’t want him to know you went through his phone, don’t bring it up. But being up how you heard of this great app called Life 360 and how you feel its a necessity he needs to have on his phone. If he argues and says no, ask him why and say that if he’s not lying about what he’s doing it shouldn’t be an issue to have it on his phone.
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Checking phones for information now is like going through teenagers sock drawers to find weed back in the day.
Do it. Your his parent. Parent.
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Tell him you went through his phone and what you found. Be honest with him like you want him to be honest with you. Communicate with your child
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Set him up then randomly be in the same area he’s in when he’s not supposed to be there and "accidently " run into him like you didn’t even know it was him 
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Who pays for the Phone 
? Who buys his clothes and takes care of him? Who runs the House, You or him?
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He’s a minor, your paying for the phone. I’d let him know you know, if he wants his freedom let him choose. let him Know you’ll be checking here and there.
Lies are most times found out. Going forward honesty is asked for.
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Speak to him openly and honestly, but let him recover first, he’s going to be vulnerable enough at the moment.
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WHO IS THE PARENT, HIM? Thats why kids are the way they are. Wake up PARENTS. 
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You’re his mother, you have every right to go through his phone…
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My 3 sons never had cell phones while they were in school as I felt they did not need them in school but that does NOT stop teenagers from getting into trouble. The stories I could tell you about my boys would curl your hair. My husband and I had some trying years but we got them thru the troubles they got in and now they are all productive adults. You need to have a talk with him about everything. I believe he will open up but as a parent please stick by your son come hell or high water. You will never regret it I promise
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Be honest. You pay the phone bill. My daughter knows I go through her phone. It’s what parents do lol
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First and foremost, it’s okay that you are concerned and curious. That’s most parents. However, you just broke their trust… Whether they know you went through their phone or not. He probably hasn’t spoke to you about certain things, because he feels like he can’t.
Don’t go behind his back and put a tracker on his phone, that just further breaks his trust that already seems to be broken. If he can’t come to talk to you about these things, there’s something wrong there. Obviously you’re the parent and not the friend. But tightening the reigns will only push your child even further from you. Proper communication is key. Be open and honest and explain that you don’t appreciate being lied to, and that they can come to you about anything, open that bond up. Just because he’s the child doesn’t mean he isn’t a human being, just like yourself.
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An app is probably a good idea.
But I would go about this two ways in how to talk him. 1- run into him or 2- just go talk to him.
Talk to him and tell him you had suspicions he was lying and went through his phone. Ask him if there’s anything he wants to come clean about? Give him an opportunity to do the right thing. Talk to him on how important trust is, and once it’s lost he won’t be able to do anything without you being with him. Tell him if there’s no trust you’ll have to go with him wherever he is. And to help earn his trust back you’ll be adding an app to his phone to make sure his stories match up.
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Goodness, have you not lied to your parent about your whereabouts especially at 15? And your asking if you should lie to him about it? Where is he anyway? Personally he’s already been going how are you truly going to stop him? He’s come back home safe to you after hasn’t he? He has to learn from mistakes. Honestly be honest with him, tell him your upset he lied to you about where he’s been and tell him he doesn’t have to lie and that you need to know where he is in case of an emergency. Are you mad about where he’s been? If he’s been some where no one needs to be then I’d probably give a heads up to the police otherwise I’d let him know you’re disappointed and would like to be better informed in the future. He either comes clean and feels guilty or he’s going to hide mote from you depending how you react. You most definitely don’t want him hiding more from you but it is normal, unfortunately.
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Wait untill he has recovered from his operation
And then speak to him
Also you need to decide
If you want him to keep trusting you
Or break his trust
I’ve raised two kids and trust me
The older they get
The more they are going to push the boundaries and see how much
More they can get away with
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If I pay the bill, that’s my phone.
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Since he has not been honest, indeed-has been intentionally dishonest, he should not expect to not be found out. On the other hand, how old is he? Does he still live with you?
Those points factor in also.
What I’d do is when he says he’s going there I’d wait and get in my car and go to said place… then go to where he’s actually going. Confront him. No one likes being caught up in their own lies
life360!!! can see when he leaves a location, when he arrives, if he’s riding with someone else the speed they’re going. im 24 and my mom made me and my boyfriend download it.
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He’s 15. You should know what’s in his phone. He’s still a child. Your his mother.
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Get the life 360 app on his phone , tell him it’s for your peace of mind and then u can see where he is always with out having to tell him u knew 
. With my daughter if I want to see her phone I just ask her to her face so I’m not being sneaky and lose her trust as well. Yes they are kids but they have feelings and emotions like a normal person .
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Don’t tell him you went thought the phone, sit down with him let him know he needs to be more honest with you tighten the reigns get life 360 you will see where he’s at and phone battery percentage .
Who pays the phone bill?
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Catch him in the act so he cant argue the point.
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What made you want to go through his phone while he was in surgery?
He’s 15. Who is paying for his phone and service?
You’re his parent. Tell him know you where he’s been going and it’s not the place you don’t like it’s the fact that he’s been lying to you. So I’d take the phone that I pay for for a week and he can’t leave the house. Once he understands that lying is not okay, he can go back out and have his phone back. Explain to him that he needs to be honest about things
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normalize going through your child’s phone!
you pay the bill & they are still a child & they’re under your roof!
aside from that this a different time where they have so much access to stuff they don’t even realize is dangerous or unacceptable!
gotta protect them at all costs!
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Tell him you know. Don’t allow him to go where he was going for a while. He needs to be disciplined for lying. You can go through his phone as his mom. You has every right to know what he’s doing on the phone. That’s the problem with a lot of parents. Not adequately monitoring kids’ phone use.
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Tighten the reigns. If that proves to be a issue? Tell him
You’ve already set the stage for a bad outcome and most the advice here will just trigger the explosion.
An ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure.
If you feel the need to lie, sneak or hide something you know you’re approaching it wrong.
That should have been the understanding from the jump, was that he knew from the start of having a phone that you pay for that you reserved the right to look at it.
For you to have done it while he was in surgery is wrong. You were sneaking and you know it and you should feel bad. If you felt the need to go through it you should have done it overtly in his presence so that you’re not also being the sneaky one. Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Toxic people raising toxic kids… You both need to do some work on yourselves.
You need to fix yourself before you can help fix him.
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I use to go through my son phone when he was that age. He didn’t pay the bill, and he lived under my roof. I did pick and choose my battles when it came to the phone.
Parent first, friend 2nd
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