Just curious how other mamas handle the household “chores.” Do you hand out daily chores? Do you have designated jobs that you and other family members do to help keep up on everything? We are a family of 5. Our kids are 13, 9, and 5. We both work full time and are married. I run a licensed home daycare 50 hours a week. I am literally over cleaning 24/7. If I am not working, I am either cleaning, cooking, or parenting. I have no downtime because I do it all. My husband mows and most of the time takes our trash to the curb for pick up, but other than the occasional sweeping or washing a few dishes, he doesn’t help at all. No matter how much I stress to him about it, he doesn’t think the kids nor himself should have to do anything. He acts like he is gonna make sure the kids’ rooms are cleaned every night but never does. He plays it off as they are “just kids.” He grew up in a home where momma didn’t work much at all, so she did everything. Her four children didn’t have to lift a finger. I have tried to explain to him I can’t literally do it all, and In the evening after dinner, as we are all home that we should clean as a team for a solid hour. He thinks I am ridiculous and acts like I am the only one who has an idea like this. We camp on the weekends locally, and I am coming home on Saturdays just to play catch up while he is sitting at the campground relaxing in a chair. Our house isn’t a huge mess as I keep it tidy, but with five people it’s hard to keep it that away. I am just tired of cleaning my life away! Ps: I can’t go on strike as I run a daycare and have others in my home daily. I know some may suggest that, but unfortunately, I can’t do that or I would…
Dont do it. Tell him its his turn. 
Also the kids are old enough to help.
The kids should be doing chores if he won’t help you have then at least. Put your foot down and give the kids chores
its 2021 he needs to get with the times and help out and kids can do chores to when i was growing up i always had chores to do shouldnt just fall all on you
The kids can definitely help out. And if he wants you to do it all tell him to get a second job so you don’t have to do yours anymore. If that doesn’t work i would take all his laundry, his dirty dishes, everything he needs to clean and just start sticking it inside his vehicle with a note saying you left this behind.
The 13 and 9 yo should be able to help. Also leave stuff for your husband to do.
My husband and I are a team. Also the kids clean their own messes in our home. Sounds like he thinks it’s the woman’s job to do it all. You need to put your foot down and tell him exactly what you need him to do. If he can’t pull his weight he needs to go.
The cleaning or work you do for your career choice rather home or work is solely your responsibility. He should have to come home and clean up after your daycare kids. He probably should help with your kids and and cleaning outside of your business and job. I do all the cleaning and cooking and own 2 businesses and do school fulltime. We have 5 kids left at home. They do chores everyday. Hubs works full time and comes home late most nights. His job is harder than my 2 business together. So I let him relax when he gets home. He sits with kids and they read to him or talk about their day. Weekends we all work in the yard and play games etc.
Some people need to appreciate that they ain’t single parents 
shit just doesn’t always get done…I’ve focused more on not stressing about it than worrying about it getting done.
This is a joke right?
Sounds like you really don’t need him.
I only have a toddler but with a super small house and a dog it gets messy. N his hours are unpredictable and I work 40 plus hours and am trying to get an online shop going that he gets on me about because I don’t have the time to work in it.
My husband is the same way I work from 3 days a week minimum and this house is always filthy according to him .
Like you said it’s kept tidy but not perfect. I just smart back off to him or make my toddler hand him the laundry 
or something lol then he usually shuts up. Bring daddy the duster etc.
Why can’t your kids do chores? It’s our responsibility as Mothers to teach our children how to take care of themselves and their homes before sending them out on their own. To me your doing your children and injustice by not making them do dishes clean their bathroom, do their own laundry, cook. Just my opinion!
The kids should be helping too you need team work. My 4 year old washes dishes, tidies her room at the weekend and helps put washing away. My hubby used to leave all his dirty clothes in a pile right beside the wash basket. I had enough and let them build up. He’s clean in himself, 2 showers a day etc so I let it all build. He came down one day asking where his clean work clothes were I said they arent my responsibility I dont wear them and only washing in the basket gets washed. He was so annoyed n had to wear dirty clothes to work. From it all his clothes go inthe basket. Try and make a stand like that. They dont see what you do until you stop doing it
Uh needs to be a team effort for sure. We are a family of 4, with one on the way. Kids being 17 and 2 1/2. We all do our own laundry, husband washes the 2 yr olds clothes and I put up. Everyone also picks up after themselves, including my TWO year old. She wipes the table off after she eats and puts her toys away. Although this can be brutal and much faster for him or I to do it, but it’s teaching her for later. For both us and her future household. Even stay at home moms need to have their kids AND husbands helping around the house. Put your foot down to all of them… Unfortunately the husband needs to be a huge part of this. Again, a team and front to your children
I do what I can. I had a break down and told my husband that am only one person…what him and I don’t get done on the weekends as far as cleaning laundry what have you… thats what will get done until the next weekend. I mean I do dishes and pick up after ourselves but as far as household chores we tackle what we can on the weekends cause I drove myself crazy trying to be mom worker wife home keeper dinner maker… just ask for help and what you both get done is what you get done!
Your family shouldn’t have to clean up your home daycare mess. However they should be helping with family mess like laundry, dishes, bathrooms and bedrooms.
I was on the same boat up until a month ago! I hired a cleaning lady!
My kids and fiancee help with stuff most days i make my kids do chores everyday bc i am the mother nit the maid for anyone after a certain age they should know how to pick up after themselves
The children are definitely only enough to help clean. While you guys are eating dinner start discussing who will do what after dinner. Then when its all done they are free to do what they want. Remind them all that everyone lives in the house and everyone should contribute to the things that need to be done. Whether your husband wants to or not make your children do it. You are doing them a huge dis justice making them not do chores and help around the house. That’s what’s wrong with your husband.
Just went through this…I laid it out and demanded it changes.
Would it be feasible for you to rent out a place to run your daycare? This could help you relax a bit about keeping things so clean at home. I realize this may not be feasible but it’s just a thought.
Since you can’t strike have you thought about “billing” him for his share of the chores you do. Take some time to figure out how much it would cost for you guys to hire someone to do it and make a bill and give it to him. Tell him as long as you ate expected to sacrifice all your free time to clean the house on your own you expect to be compensated and also expect a weekend off once a month.
I meeeeeaaaan you have a home daycare. You can’t make your family clean after your daycare. I mean husband can come home and wash the family clothes or family dishes after you cook or cook but your daycare your mess. The children can do household chores but that daycare is all you boo
Well then after the day is over for daycare, and is just you and your group, don’t do a damn thing. Not only that, their kids are all old enough to do shit around the house. I’d even disappear for the weekend by yourself if need be.
Delegate chores and hire help.
If he isn’t going to give you the extra help you have asked then it is time to just hire help and not feel bad about it. Life when married and kids should be a team and should support you when you express that you need help!!! Your kids need to help you and should want to help. Give them each something to be in charge of every week and that would at least eliminate 3 chores.
Get the kids to help. Don’t wait for him to get them to help out.
Girl if you ever figure out how to make the partner who works outside the home, understand exactly how stressful the work inside the home is, you’ll be a very wealthy woman.
Thats the whole reason I’m divorced.
I told him “if I’m doing it BY myself, I’m only doing it FOR myself, from now on.”
Leave for a week go to a friend’s go to a family members just plan a stay away for you then he can see how messy it gets. I know you said you do daycare so try to plan it for the near future. My 10 yr old does laundry and loves to do the dishes (load/unload dish washer) my 3.5 and 2 yr old both pickup toys and put them in the toy basket. My husband does all outdoor stuff and he will help with dishes if I ask.
Im a sahm of 9…all 9 have chores to do every day. My fiance helps on his day shift weeks and weekends. Its a team effort. Ur kids are beyond old enough to do something. My youngest are 2 and 3 and they pick up their own toys, put their dirty laundry in the basket etc
My 6 year old picks up and vacuums… & Has his 5 yr old brother & 3 yr old brother help him while I clean other areas… You should have the kids help. It teaches to keep clean & something productive. Their dad helps too but I feel kids should learn to do that …
#momnotmaid get those kids cleaning
Have a look at TeamTOMM™ Get your life running like clockwork 
it’s a fab system. Defiantly get the kids involved there old enough to help out around the house. My 3 year old gets involved tidying his room and makes his bed. Teamtomm is about having set time to do the house work and to enable you to not over clean and enjoy your own time xx
I’m sorry but your children shouldn’t have to clean I would never expect my 8 year old to clean , fair enough I think maybe your husband could help a little more , but its mess from your job that you choose to do I really dont see why your children should be expected to clean other childrens mess but I agree with you about your husband let the kids be kids not house maids
Stop cleaning all his stuff, and get your kids to help, my 7yo empties the dish washer, tidy the lounge and her room and anything else I ask of her cause shes old enough to know mama wants and needs help sometimes
Your kids need to do chores I never did any as a kid and honestly whish my mom made me because now I don’t like nor do I feel the need to clean and I know if I had grown up doing them it would be a lot easier for me to do it and they are plenty old enough to do them especially the 13yr old
At 13 & 9 those kids need assigned chores. The 5 year old is old enough to do some chores. I was a single mom of 2 and they each had to keep their rooms clean. They sorted their laundry for me to do on laundry day. My daughter did the dishes and my son did the trash. We all did the living room. They both knew how to use a broom, mop, vacuum, washer, dryer, dishwasher, etc. We cooked dinner together each night. By the time they graduated high school they were self-sufficient. We also all did the yard work together.
My kids have chores I work 3rd shift mom of 4 boys 12 10 5 and 3 they all help out around house including husband…but just to let you know the cleaning never stops no matter how much you do it’s a everyday thing and mother’s always have most of the work… I get 5hrs a sleep a day if that but you just have to do it it’s being a mother and wife… we never have downtime get used to it not trying to sound mean but it is what it is
Kids should help… it teaches them responsibility, what they see is entitlement and you killing yourself. Stop the madness!
Teach everyone cleans up after supper. House cleaning day is a family event.
Well sweetheart ,I’m an OLD SCHOOL parent of 30yrs. My children had chores! My husband was told, If I’m HELPING you Support this Family, YOU are going to Pay ME the same RESPECT by Helping me RAISE this Family. My husband was given a CHOICE, Help with the Parenting and running of OUR home, OR I would Quit my job and he could take a second job, because if the household maintenance was solely MY responsibility then SUPPORTING the household would solely be HIS responsibility. I FLAT OUR REFUSED to PAY someone to come clean up OUR home as OUR Family was quite capable of cleaning up after themselves! Dig your heels in, Say what you mean AND MEAN what you say!
The 13 and 9 yr old are old enough to do chores. My kids did even a 6yr old
Your kids are 100% old enough to have chores girl! My 3 year old has chores that he helps with! Hubby feeds and waters all animals every day with help from our son. Son also helps pick up his toys and me do laundry and sweeping. I do dishes and general keep up of house. Sometimes it goes for a day or two because I’m 27 weeks pregnant and work too but it gets done.
Make your kids do chores. My 5 and 3 year old clean their room!
I would also write down everything you do for a week then give the list to your husband and tell him you will mow and take out trash and he can do your chores.
He should absolutely be “helping”. I put helping in quotes because it’s his house too. It shouldn’t only be the woman’s job. My husband cleans the kitchen, and bathes the kids and puts the older 2 to bed.
In my house of 7 everyone except the toddlers wash their own dishes and do their own laundry. And clean their rooms. And pick up their toys. Its such small task but makes a big difference. The first thing I taught my kids was to do their laundry at 10 years old. And believe me when they have to do it they won’t dirty so many clothes, especially the girls. And at 13 mine had to help prepare dinner all kids no matter their sex should learn to cook its a necessity in life.
Mine is the same way but wants a spotless home. You tell him politely in a sweet tearful voice, I am one person and can do one thing at a time. If he keeps at it you scream at him to f*ck himself all the way off. Only do what you can or want to and tell everyone to f$ck off of they ask you to do anything else and tell them to do it themselves. They will get the picture eventually.
Kids do chores and at least your husband knows lawn and takes trash out. Hire someone to clean
Girl, there is no way that you should be doing that all on your own. You husband’s way of thinking is old school…that was when the husband worked and the wife stayed home and did all of the rest. If you are working a full time job, then y’all should be seen as equals. It’s going to be very difficult for him to see that things are unbalanced and that he should be doing more, but change is possible. Maybe counseling would help him to see that. If I were you then I would be sitting right there in that chair beside him at the campground. You are going to run yourself into the ground if something doesn’t change. 
Then stop. Stop cleaning up after them. They will get the hint once you leave it to them to do their own. Your husband doesn’t have a wife, he had a mother.
I’m self employed and tell my husband I’ll work on the days he helps around the house. I cannot work full time, cook, clean, and homeschool 2 kids while also playing Chaeuffer to them 4x a week for activities. There just isn’t enough time. I definitely hand out chores and rewards for getting them done. This includes to my husband. If you cook meals, skip his one day and tell him if he can’t clean then he can cook his own meal. Setting boundaries is important and healthy.
Your kids need to learn how to do things around a house.
Stop doing his laundry, giving the punani or make his sandwich and watch him transform into Cinderella
You cant possibly do it all yourself you will burn out eventually , just come to a halt , I had this when my kids was young an I only had 2 and it’s way too much with no help from anyone all I did was go to work come home and non stop dealing wiv kids cleaning cooking n you run on empty but something gives eventually bad for the mind, soul , overall well being also spoils quality time with your kids ,totally exhausted all the time , when i look back now i would not have done it , cos you dont get this time back 
Everyone Above walking age has their own chores to handle. The basic far everyone is picking up after themselves and not creating more work.
It kills me how lazy men can act, it is not the mother’s job to do all of the household work, whether she is a stay-at-home mom a working mom or whatever. It is called Partnership and teamwork.
No my husband does not do as much as me because i’m always here but He always pitches in when he is here because he also lives her.
It shouldn’t be helping, it should be Doing what every adult human being should be doing! Having a penis Does not exempt you from household chores or Parenting duties.
Nope nope nope. Hubby and kiddos need to chip in. Everyone that lives in that house needs to do their share. Put your foot down Mama…it is time to stop being so nice about it! You’re not your husbands mother and your kids need to learn responsibility.
Tell him if you guys raise your kids like he was raised then they will be like him in the future thinking they don’t need to help or do anything around the house.
Get a maid send him the bill. He could either pay with money or pay with time and help clean
My children are 21, 14, 12, 10, 5, and 2…they each are responsible for something…
Minus my 21 year old who lives on her own. The 14 and 12 year old put dinner away and wash the dishes…10 year old does the trash…5 year old and 2 year mainly pick up after themselves (toys). My older children all put away their own laundry as well. My husband helps though…we all work as a team. I would start with 1 chore per person (age appropriate) and see how that goes. 1 person cannot manage an entire household plus work. I pray it gets easier on you!
My hubby is a huge help when it comes to doing the dishes every night. We are a family of 5. 1, 5 and 6. I stay home all day, parent and do online upgrading school then work at night. I cook dinner and it’s my hubby’s job to clean the kitchen afterwards. I clean the bathrooms, floors etc on my own because I’m picky about it. Sit down with your husband and let him know you’re exhausted and need some help.
get your kids to help. I give chores to my kids. we are a team! we all work together. I may do more sometimes but he also helps as well.
He sounds like a dick. Sorry but need to.listen to.u or leave him for a couple of.days he see what u do.for.the house
My kids (11, 9, 5 and 2) clean/pick up bedrooms every day. Big kids also - collect, wash and dry clothes. Pick up living room, kitchen and basement (sometimes). Why do they pick up that many rooms? BECAUSE IT IS THEIR MESS.
Husband and I work 40+ hours a week we don’t have time/energy to pick up their stuff if it is on the floor/table long enough then guess what I’m throwing it away.
I had 6 rooms on a list and two kids each kid did 3 rooms a day yes every day ir at least 5 days a week . I did my bedroom or paid extra if someone wanted extra $ . I only paid for extra jobs not tbe 3 rooms a day . Oh and I switched rooms each day so it was rotating . I pay extra for car cleaning or my laundry ect… my house was clean , I worked FT so it worked for us .
Deligate chores. Everyone show have house running skills. Teachin your kids how to clean n’ organize will go far un their lives. Based on your husbands lack of these basic life skills is apparant as an adult. Teach your kids how to clean n’ take pride in tgeir home
Children need to be taught to pick up after themselves, and have chores. There is absolutely NO REASON your 13y/o, and 9y/o can’t help with dishes, sweeping, dusting, and keep their rooms clean, your 5 year old is more then old enough to pick up after themselves, and keep a bedroom picked up. If he won’t force the rules, you need to. Because all this is doing is raising children to become adults with the same mindset has him. You’re going to burn yourself out. Sit down with the kids and make a chore list. You may have to keep the house clean and be forced to clean up after your lazy husband, but you sure don’t have to give him any lovin after being such a rude asshole. Want some love hubby? Clean up your damn dirty drawers, and wash some dishes🤷🏼♀️
Stop doing his laundry or getting him his favourite food for groceries. If he wants his clothes cleaned he can do it. If he wants certain groceries he can go get them. Stop catering to him in ways you think will help him wake up. I’m in the same boat and have been on strike for 2 days. Mine has done the dishes twice. He hasn’t even taken the garbage out. Yet told me while i was at work yesterday that he cleaned for 2 whole hours 
lmao i came home he had 8 dishes cleaned in the sink and made our couch blankets and pillows look pretty 
still a big unorganized mess in here. He keeps thinking I’ll cave and do it. Nope! Didn’t even make supper. I can’t cook in a messy kitchen 
i refuse to be a slave to everyone in this house anymore.
Everyone should have a daily chores or two they are responsible for. So if your chore is cooking, someone else does the dishes. Someone is in charge of unloading the dishwasher and putting everything away. Someone is in charge of keeping the bathrooms tidy. Everyone should be responsible for their own laundry. ( Unless they are too young of course). This means they sort, wash, dry, fold and put away their own laundry.
Take turns grocery shopping for the week with hubby.
Take turns vacuuming, washing floors and so on, or make that a task up for the week.
If you make people responsible for tasks then they have to own that task. Kids get no allowance,or grounded if their weekly tasks do not get done. Hubby needs to be a partner. You are not his mother. You wouldn’t let a business partner get away with no work for the same pay, why would you let your husband? Don’t ask him for help. Asking for help insinuates that it is your job and he is merely the helper. Nope. Tell him he needs to fulfill his obligation to be a partner.
First, I ran a home daycare while doing foster care so I do understand the stress it brings, but I did so on my own. That said, this doesn’t sound like a problem with getting chores done or time management… it sounds like a marriage issue. It sounds as though you are resentful about the lack of concern for your time and lack of appreciation for your efforts.
I usually just go to work n come home yelling about everything I have to do and start assigning chores to everyone in the process
Why can’t you have your kids do chores?
Kids need to be doing chores.
Why do you, as a parent, not already have those kids doing stuff for themselves? You already know your husband and he is grown, but your kids are with you too so lay down the law
You should hire a very attractive male maid to help around the house. 
Your kids are old enough to help around the house. You’re his wife, not his maid. If the kids don’t want to pitch in, start taking stuff away. No sleepovers. No tv. No toys. As for your husband, I would stop things for him as well. Don’t make his coffee in the morning. Don’t wash his clothes, just keep them in a hamper, out of daycare view. Don’t get his snacks/groceries from the store. I would even go as far as not having sex with him bc stuff like this is a major turn off for me personally. Sounds like you need to put your foot down. I’m petty betty though, just my input.
Give your kids jobs they need to help out
Make the kids do chores. Don’t let them grow up to be like him.
Give your kids chores to do. My kids are 11 months, 3, 4 and 7 and the older 2 help so I dont really see why they can’t. They’ll have no basic home training if they dont have chores growing up. And as for your husband, stop doing stuff for him. Cooking him dinner, washing his clothes etc. Tell him either he can help or hes not getting shit from you.
5 of my 6 kids help and so does my husband. And hes only home 2 days a week. I also babysit and its hard! But when everyone helps, it all gets done.
My 5 year old is responsible for keeping her room clean and she helps around the house. She’ll collect dishes from around the house if im doing the dishes. Shell also grab any dirty laundry not already in the hamper (usually her own) and shes also responsible for making sure the animals have food. If you dont teach them young theyre not want to have any responsibilities in their household. If you both work full time you both should be responsible for keeping up with the house and the kids should be helping. You guys are a family unit and should work like one
Oh mom, put your foot down. All of those kids are old enough to do chores. If your hubby says anything just remind him they won’t be living with you forever and need to know how to do this stuff. And as for him remind him that your his wife not his maid.
Delegate chores. Let them earn money for work completed above and beyond delegated chores. Hire housecleaners for the deep clean. Housecleaners are marriage savers.
My boyfriend doesn’t help me clean at all, and he doesn’t just not help me clean, he’s also very messy. We have 2 kids and are expecting our third. Plus we both have 2 other small children from previous relationships. Im like okay if you don’t want to clean, at least dont be a slob. We have a bedroom. You don’t have to empty your pockets in the kitchen every day. He does cook and he’s a damn good cook. But he makes such a mess I dont even want him in my kitchen 
the other day he was sick and laid asleep on the couch until 12 in the afternoon and as soon as I got dont cleaning the kitchen he was like, do you want me to go get something to cook. Um no I do not. Dont go near my kitchen
Assign chores, explain to your husband that not only do your kids need to help out for your sanity but how will they ever be able to care for themselves without knowing how to complete basic household tasks? I start my kids with small chores at 3
You run an in home daycare and expect your husband to clean the house from what is essentially your job? Also your kids are old enough to pick up their own rooms.
Work and chores are for adults don’t make them work, we have to work enough as adults. Let kids be kids. If you can’t keep up hire a cleaner.
They are old enough to have chores and clean up after themselves. He’s taking advantage because you’re letting it happen. I’d stop cleaning up after him completely like what?!? He’s a grown ass man and can’t pitch in? I’d also make a chores schedule for the kids.
Delegate chores. My 15 and 9 year old do the dishes, put laundry away, sweep, take trash out. They have been helping around the house since they where old enough to do chores.I mean I do these things also. But I am a mother and a significant other. I am not a maid! Those are life skills they need to learn anyway.
The kids are old enough to help, just pick age appropriate chores for them. The older 2 can do their own laundry. My youngest likes to use the vacuum and she tries to help with dishes sometimes (I let her even though there’s usually a water mess. But I also have her wipe that up). Your husband is whole grown ass man, I would stop doing things specific to his needs.
Definitely have the kids do chores.
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Get a housekeeper, let kids pick up rooms alittle but they have school so they shouldn’t have to do stuff around the house.
My kids are 100% responsible for their zones. Those include their rooms and “kid zone” (which is their toy room). They do have to help out in other areas typically, but this past year I’ve given wiggle room as they are remote learning and need time to be kids and play outside. They are still responsible for chores 2 days a week though, and they switch out jobs each week. They have their bathrooms for the older two and sweeping and putting away dishes for the younger two. I have 10,8,6,&4 year old children. One person can’t run the entire house alone. It will completely exhaust you. My husband does help out when he can as well, but I try my best not to harp on him about things because I see he tries his best. I am a stay at home mom but I am in college as well, I used to babysit and that was exhausting all in itself so I understand what you mean! I’m insure of what the age is for the kids you watch but we had clean up Friday’s after nap time and they got an ice cream bar for a job well done. It might be a good incentive for you to try as well!
Explore the idea of hiring a housekeeper and expensing it on your taxes for your daycare business. Also, get your older kids to step up and do their part around the house.
Full time working mom of two here (8 & 11)…I just suck it up and do it. What I don’t get done during the week I do on the weekends. Husband takes care of trash, and kids clean their rooms… other than that I handle it but honestly I like things done my way anyways lol
You not the only one that lives in that house make a list of daily of daily chores or what you have to do in a day. Your family needs to help u n you don’t pay them.
Delegate chores…not a single kid in my house doesn’t do something
My 3 and 5 year old are responsible for cleaning up after themselves. My 13 yr old has to clean her room, and she helps with other chores.
We have a rotation of dishes, between husband, 13 yr old and I. But honestly they halfa$$, the dishes and I end up catching us up, every week.
I have chronic pain and stand there and do all the dishes, plus clean the kitchen and other things.
My husband never lifted a finger for the longest time, till I put an end to that and told him he lives here too. He needs to do more.
I feel this. BUT… I keep my house how I want/need it because I want/need it that way. I don’t do my husband’s “chores”, like his laundry or cleaning his side of the bedroom, changing the trash in his ‘man cave’ etc…
I meal prep so I don’t have to clean up after my husband cooking. I don’t run a daycare out of my home because I don’t want to do the cleaning that goes along with it.
My kids are 4, 2, and 4 months. My older two do chores like make beds, pull trash, sort recycling, pick up their rooms, and take their laundry to the laundry room, and put their clean clothes on hangers or in drawers. In return they earn tablet time, dollar bills, or a small treat. 13, 9 and 5 are by far old enough to keep up after themselves and help out with household chores.
Trust me, it is not worth the arguing.