My SO & I have been together for 11 years. We have two children together and I have 3 from a prior marriage. The past 11 years have been tough. He has cheated on me multiple times and never stepped up to being a parent especially to my 3 oldest children. When we started dating they were just between 1-2.5 years old, they were practically babies. He is just their “friend” nothing more. He isn’t an “active” parent to our two neither. I do everything. If you asked him what the name of the school his kids go to, I could bet he wouldn’t know. Doesn’t know where the doctors office is…I mean really, I could go on and on. He is a business owner (past 4-5 years) and works hard. I also have a demanding ft job but I manage to take care of everything on my own. I pay all the bills, buy all the food, take the kids to all of their practices/sports/games/sleepovers/parties/doctors appts., drop and pick up from school, clean, laundry, cook, get the picture? (he gives me the money for mortgage in cash and I pay it, takes out the trash and pays for the car insurance)
I have expressed my frustration with him not stepping up and helping. I have expressed how his lack of love and affection to my oldest affects them and I have absolutely have had enough. We broke up last year for a few months and he begged and promised and we tried for another 6 months. Of those 6 months he put in effort for a short period of time then we were back to square one. 6 months ago I told him this is it, we gave it another shot but it isn’t working out and I don’t love him anymore. I want out of this relationship. I admit I never have gotten over the cheating which I feel torments me on the daily which I have explained also.
So he’s been sleeping on the sofa for 6 months and seems he has no intentions of moving out. He can’t let go and I want this to just be over already. I want to close this chapter and move on.
We bought our home together 3 years ago but, only in my name. Legally the house is mine. There is nothing that is in his name.
How can I get him to leave? The kids know we aren’t together but I’m afraid being that we are still living together it is creating a sense of hopefulness for him and our kids!
I don’t want to be mean and fight and tell him to gtfo. I have been clear that he needs to leave. A month or so ago he bought a motorcycle (paid $9k). I was furious. It made me feel like he was making himself more comfortable and blowing money than saving to leave.
Technically the house is yours. You can evict him. Tell him he x amount of days to find somewhere else to go. It’s very toxic that he won’t let you go & won’t leave your house. If your serious about this whole situation you really have to keep your foot down and tell him things, don’t ask. & not getting over him cheating is not your fault. He broke your trust, multiple times, and has no right to try to tell you how to feel about it. It’s hard trying to put that behind you and move forward. So don’t feel guilty about that… that’s his own doing.
You made it easy for yourself when you didn’t put him on the deed to the house… Thank god for that… I’d give him 30 days notice… he’s basicially a tenant at this point.
You need a lawyer ASAP! Because the house was purchased during your marriage he may have a claim to it even if it’s just in your name….and because you’ve been married for more than ten years he maybe entitled to half the value of everything and you likewise to his business which could be your leverage. Get legal advice before you say or do ANYTHING!! Don’t tip him off.
He technically has occupant rights, so you’ll have to go through your local court system and have him properly evicted. Start now, and stand your ground.
Must do as a landlord. You send a certified mail of eviction, one by constable, and then you file papers with the court of evicting him if he is not out by the 30 days it goes to court.
Start the divorce process, file and serve him with the papers. Then Evict him. Technically nothing is changing that’s why he’s just lingering. You Need to take the next step.
Well I would start with filing for a divorce if your married for sure, and since he is a resident of the home if your not married and he’s refusing to leave you will have to evict him. It varies per state but I know that’s a must where I’m from I’ve had to go through it. Or you can just explain to him that it’s over you don’t feel the same way and it’s time to move on and you want your house to yourself and to cause less confusion to the children and I would pack all his belonging too.
Lucky the house is in your name, give him 30 days notice to get out, if he fails you can put his belongings outside and change the locks. The rest is on him.
Technically it’s a grey area. You bought the house during your marriage/relationship. He’s paid toward the mortgage…it’s not exactly cut and dry that they house will be yours
You can’t just kick him out , legally you need to evict him. That’s actually easier to do for you since his name is not on the place and you’re not legally married.
So the house is in your name sale it buy you a different home to start over with your kids and let it be known to him that he will not be moving with you file for divorce and go make yourself and your kids happy
You going to get all the wrong answers here…… go to a lawyer and they will tell you what he is entitled to and how to go about the right way of getting rid of him .
If the house is purchased during the marriages its considered community property. Which means regardless of who’s on the loan/title etc its 50/50 both of yours. If you can convince him to leave that’s your best option. Sometimes it takes “hey, I’m willing to help you pack, move, or even find an apartment for you but only if you move out. If I have to force you then I will not help in anyway shape or form.” Otherwise you will need to have him court ordered out of the home. Divorce process is your best option the judge can order him out.
Serve him an eviction notice. In many states, if a person has lived there 3 months or longer or they’re considered a legal tenant and things must be done the appropriate legal manner
Give him a written notice (keep a copy) Change the locks after the timenis up and leave his stuff outside . Call the cops and let them.know to be ready if you need assistance (if you think it could cause any issues you couldn’t handle)
Sell the house and move with the kids on your own. Leave his a$$ high and dry. That isn’t a partner. Someone you share your life with doesn’t neglect there share of responsibility. They aren’t your kids. They are your shared kids. At that young age SO coming in signed up to be a part of their lives. Move on with your children so they can see what a strong parent they have
Change the locks and don’t answer the door when he comes home. Give him a certified letter of eviction. And so what if he kicks and screams, it’ll be over soon enough. Say see you in court and have a good lawyer. This is if you’re able to pay the mortgage on your own for now until the courts settle your dispute.
He’s not going to do shit until you make some real moves. Talking to him is like us making a 2 year old clean…pointless. Write him an eviction notice, have it notarized and sent priority mail. In 30 days if he’s still there, you change the locks…and after 30 days, his stuff is yours so you can either put it outside or keep it. Either way, if you want him gone, get to moving
I’m going to give you a little advice………
If you are in 11 years, have children, he’s not your older children’s father, he supports you, doesn’t abuse you, and you DID’nt leave when the cheating happened……choose your battles wisely!
My husband of 23 years, he has 3 children, I have 2 children, one together, 13 ……he couldn’t tell you anything about our home or children. Our adult children have families of their own. I keep him informed on everything. You need to work as a team instead of pointless blame game. I’m sure you are not perfect either. I am 59 years old, second marriage for us both. Our older children are 40, 39, 36, 36, and 32. Then we acquired a child at birth and he’s almost 13. I never played parent to his children and he didn’t play parent to mine.
You younger ladies need to understand and quit thinking a man should do half of everything, they don’t know how.
I also worked full time… I quit a few years ago. Men are not made that way, they go from their mothers to their wives. They are just over grown children themselves!
Appreciate that he isn’t a deadbeat, not because he doesn’t make children that are not his, that have another parent that’s not him, mind.
I think if you allowed him to stay in the marriage after cheating, you should both seek counseling.
You have to file for divorce. If you are married and purchased the house together, it doesn’t matter that it is only in your name. It’s community property.
Ok for people saying change the locks and such, don’t. He will still have access to the home until he is legally evicted, voluntarily moves out etc. Talk with him and tell him what you want and then go to the courthouse and get an eviction. That way it covers you and the kids and keeps him from being able to damage the home to get in if you change the locks. Yes you are on the house but he is still a resident and will need to be evicted properly or the police can’t help you.
Tell him to go and if he refuses then call the cops. If the house is only in your name then i would think they would make him leave and find somewhere else to go
Write out an eviction notice, get it notarized, go straight home & give it to him. Then I would hide nany cams all over the house until he was gone to make sure he doesn’t steal or destroy anything out of spite
i dont have any answer. but this breaks my heart. it sounds like you are basically a single mom anyway and hes taking advantage of you for his own self gain. i am praying for you and your children for something to change life is so very short
Not sure of what state you live in but where I am (TN) it doesn’t matter who’s name is on the loan/deed of the house, it’s joint property because of being married. I’d check your state laws on that and if it is going to be considered joint property then I’d put the house up for sale. Obviously you’d all be moving once it sells and that forces him to find his own place.
File for eviction. ORRRR
START DATING. He’s there he can babysit while you go on a date or two… Maybe that will make him uncomfortable enough to get his own place
Get an eviction notice and have him trespassed if he comes back on property that’s what I did and and filed for divorce the same day…it worked never came back to my home again divorce was final 3 months later
You need to consult with an attorney. You can’t just change the locks, if he shows up with the police he would be allowed back in since he was not served an eviction notice.
Even though its in your name you can leave also, until you get some court papers to get him out, takes 30days for a eviction notice maybe then he will get the picture
You need to get a lawyer, cause you bought the house together dosent matter who’s on deed in some places. Cause your married/ common law and cause he pays you the mortgage dosent matter if it’s in cash. He still can be untitled to the house and half the belongings in it.
Depending on where you are you’re possibly common law married and if you bought the house together, using both incomes but in your name, he may be on the deed. You’ll likely have to call a divorce attorney and settle it in court.
You need a lawyer to explain your specific area laws. Generally speaking you give him a notice to vacate with a certain about of time (which is also determined by law) and if he’s not out by then the sheriffs office gets involved. With that being said, common law marriages, no actual lease, squatters rights etc etc all muddy the waters…hence needing a legal professional
Have you seen a lawyer yet? File for legal separation and see about getting an eviction notice. Legal separation will protect you from him taking out new credit or big purchases that you will also be on the hook for. It will make him financially responsible to support you & the kids until a divorce settlement is complete. Stop by U-haul and purchase their ‘moving kit’. Have it in the living room when he gets home and tell him to start packing (maybe start for him) Good luck
You will have to legally evict him. 1st you will have to send a certified letter telling him to move out by a specific day then once he does not you will have to legally evict him. It can be a long process. Good luck
Rent a storage unit, and pack up things that won’t be missed and place them there. Pick a time when he will not be there and pack the rest of the items and place them in the unit. Change the locks and hand him the keys. If he doesn’t leave, then get the police involved. Biggest thing of all is the safety and well being of you and your kids.
My question is… why did you have kids with him, knowing how he was towards your other kids?? My kids were 3 and 1, when I met my now husband. I spent 5 years with him, watching him treat my kids like how own, watch him take care of them, of my house, treat me like a Queen and help out in every way possible without even being asked… then, I decided to have a baby with him. We’ve been together nearly 12 years now…
Woman for starters, when you do all the house work and child care then you don’t pay any bill in that house. Go read about a Red Pill man. Now as for evicting him, if you really want to get rid of him. 1st send your kids to a relative over the weekend. Then, this only applies if he is a White man- call the police on him. If he is a man of color, call the sheriff’s department on him during broad daylight to reduce chances of him getting harmed. Of course before this, pack all his stuff and send over to his friend. Then, over a few years pay him back his share of the house that he does not legally own but you know he ethically owns because he paid for part of the house. Get a restraining order against him the day he is evicted or the day before. All the best.
So you want him to gtfo but yet you admitted that hes been paying the mortgage faithfully on a house thats only in your name…yeah id prop my a** up on that sofa too…how can you expect someone to prepare to move out yet still pay for your home and car…sounds fdup to me…he failed you yes by cheating but you can come to a civil agreement thou but still you are wrong.
You won’t be able to evict him. He is considered a tennant. If he doesn’t go willingly you will have to wait and evict him through the courts. You are right to get rid of him.
You need to sit down and give him a length of time to move. And when that time is up pack his stuff and put on the door step. And say this us what we decided. I fell sorry for the children. At least he is paying the mortgage. So does contribute. You need to be up straight. Good luck
Pack his shit ! Help him find a rental! I’m sure the mortgage repayment price can get him a unit of his own ! And tell him it’s over and that’s it and if he doesn’t take the help of finding a u to then u will be forced to evict him with the help of police!
Ur enabling him by using him for his money to pay your mortgage. , step up and file for your divorce ! Go to who ever it is u get your child support stuff through and get moving, he is only staying cause he has reasons to!
Time to actually do something to make him leave
Just went through this. Give him certified letter 30 days he considered a tenate if he stays you will have to go to court evict him 60 days get it started !
divorce was final 3 months later