My mother in law wants to be in the room with me when i give birth since its her first grabdchild…and i understand but i have never felt comfortable with her around…hwo do i let her down gently and let her know i am not okay with it without makin her feel bad?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I let my mother-in-law know I do not want her in the room with me?
Say no thanks.
It’s vagina and if you don’t want her to see it
Hospital rules , only one in.
Tell her due to covid rules you can only have one person.
Blame the spicy cough lol.
Just be honest and say it I’m imagining she already knows your not comfortable around her does she try to take over? What’s the reason your uncomfortable around her this is your time your baby it’s upto you who goes in don’t feel pushed into legging her be there of you don’t want her to be xxx
The best thing you can do is be honest. Just say that you’ll feel most comfortable with just your other half there, say you’ve practised your breathing techniques together and talked about ways he’s going to support you whilst you’re in labour and that you’re happy with the plan that you’ve made and don’t want to sway from it.
Good luck with everything
Use Covid as your excuse
Tell her it’s your choice and your choice alone.
You called and asked and the nurses said your only allowed one support person in the birthing room.
I have never been comfortable around my mil. But i allowed her in the room while i was in labor with my oldest. To be honest i was in so much pain i didnt even remember she was there til a week after we brought my son home
Or if shes unbareable and youre a person who doesnt do conflict very well let your midwife know or one of the hospital midwives or nurses on the delivery ward when you first arrive that you do not want anyone else to be let into the room.
The staff on delivery wards are pros and amazing at helping with situations like this coz the birthings mum wellbeing is their only priority
Blame it on your doctor. When you get to the hospital, tell your nurse and she will back you up!
Tell her there is no seating for an audience and it’s a closed set production she can see the photo release when it’s available.
Allowing her in the room is something i dont regret tho! She was the only one with enough guts to get a picture of my boy as soon as he came out and was placed on my chest
I don’t think you need to have any reason or excuse, you can just say no.
Just tell her you want that to be an intimate experience for you and your husband
Invite her over for coffee then lie on the floor take of your pants and do a poo . Then say Thankyou for coming to the advanced screening however the next session will be private
Usually the hospital only allows one in the birthing room. Unless it’s a labor room/birthing room in one. Then the whole family can be there. Have the nurses shoo everybody but the baby’s father out.
Just say no. I went through this and no matter what you say or do she will see it from her perspective and you will always be wrong when I reality you’re the only one who would understand or know what you’re feeling
Be honest, it’s a special time for you and your partner…
And to be honest your partner should of already told her no, it shouldn’t be down too you too worry about this your partner should of delt with this
If you don’t feel comfortable saying no then say the doctor won’t allow it due to covid or something and let the nurses know and they will 100% lie to advocate for you
Covid rules or explain to her this is an intimate private moment with yourself and your husband and it’s a moment the 2 of you should share together making this memory.
Sweetly explain to her that this is a private time for you and your SO to experience, as a couple. It’s also your time to do skin-to-skin and bond with one another and your newborn.
It’s a very important time, and while it’s exciting for the grandparents, there are boundaries.
Your spouse and you have to set those boundaries together.
Maybe he needs to explain to her that the two of you have decided you want this to be just the two of you.
As a grandmother myself, it was very hard to not be with my daughter when both of her babies were born, but I respect their own wishes.
Congratulations, and best wishes!!!
Im so close to my mother in law. And straight up since my first kid with her i let her know and my mother who wanted to be there that its a private moment and i dont feel comfortable with anyone else there. Now for my son i just had in September i let my best friend in there. She never experienced seeing someone else birth a baby so i let her in there. I was still uncomfortable to a point with her looking at me down there lol. But for my fourth baby im due with in sept itll be just be my man and i. Its a super private moment. And anyone should understand and if not. Fuckem
Just tell her. People need to learn boundaries and that not everyone wants everyone seeing them in the most vulnerable time of their life. She needs to respect that.
Most hospitals only allow one person anyways right now—Covid and all.
As a grandmother I went thru this with my sons gf. It sucked missing their birth. I tried doing all the stuff a grandmother is supposed to do and got pushed away. My daughter had a baby last year and the experience was breath taking. I honestly didn’t wanna be there to see her v jay jay. I wanted to witness my grandsons being born. I had my step mom in the room with my 4th I just had her stand behind me🤷🏻♀️ but if you really don’t want her there be a woman and tell her that.
I had the same problem……. I told her it was just me and hubby, the ones who created this blessing. She didn’t stop nagging and trying to make me cave, so I also informed the midwives who helped remove her from my room when the time came. Still can’t warm to the woman, the things she has said and done are disgusting…… so glad I didn’t cave, the stuff she did after my baby was born made people who saw, sick in the stomach .
If I could go back in time, I would have allowed my MIL in with me. I also didn’t/don’t feel comfortable around her but in the long run it would have probably make us closer. My own mother didn’t make it in time so it was just my cheating ex husband.
I didn’t even allow my mom in the room. Just my hubby and me. I told my mom she wasn’t there when baby was made and she can see him when we come home. She was very upset with me (she had been in the room with my 3 older sisters for all their births and I was the first to tell her no) then covid hit and only 1 support person allowed
Don’t tiptoe. Just say, sorry but no
Just be honest and upfront. At the end of the day, it’s your choice.
It’s one of those things, shes likely going to be upset, but that’s for her to process, it’s not your intention to hurt her but you need to feel comfortable and relaxed having bub and that’s a special moment for you and your hubby.
Don’t tell anyone when you go into labor
Omg no way just say no this is your moment n it’s very private x
Just only allow your husband
Thats being Marites overboard! Just tell her you are not comfortable being viewed like a movie while giving birth.
In my few opinions here -
You should’ve had this conversation with your husband and he should’ve already told his mom to back off. I really don’t feel like it’s your responsibility.
If the responsibility is going to fall on you, then I would just be straight up and say no. She can be in the waiting room with others if they attend also. If she tries to barge in, ask your nurses to assist her out.
I get that this is a special time and event for her, but it’s ultimately yours and your husband’s child and event.
If you don’t set boundaries now, it WILL BE much harder down the road.
Tell her you would just like to have your husband in there. She should understand. If she insists, have the Dr. talk to her.
Just say no. And tell the midwives not to allow her in
I just flat out told my mom and his family that only me and him were going to be in the delivery room. I am not super close with my mom and didn’t know his mom well so I just put my foot down and let them know they were welcome at the hospital in the waiting room just not with us.
First of all your husband should be telling his mom no as it’s his mother. He can say mom we want to do this alone. The end. But if he refuses then u talk to her and here is what I would say.
This is a very difficult conversations for me to have with you but out of the abundance of respect I have for you and my husband I wanted to talk to you face to face. giving birth it’s a very private experience that I will be experiencing for the first time. It’s a vulnerable time as I am naked and exposed. I am uncomfortable to have anyone else in the room except my husband. It is a bonding experience that we decided to do alone. If u e willing to compromise a bit maybe offer to have her in the room for a little while before you are in active labor and then she can leave after 30 min or so and wait rest of time in waiting room.
I personally would not want my in laws to see me naked and exposed. That’s the last thing I would want to be thinking about when I should be enjoying that moment care free. I’m
Just say no it’s your birth just tell her you aren’t comfortable because you will be giving birth and don’t want extra people in the room with you.
Just tell her you only want hubby (or whoever there). Don’t tell her when you go into labor. Wait until you get home & tell her you had the baby.
Just tell her it’s only hubby and you…
I thank God all mine ended in c section my 1st my mom and my then mil stayed bugging me to be there and I kept dying nooooo ended up in surgery only 1 person allowed nipped that argument for me lol
My labor came early with my youngest (34-36 weeks, we weren’t sure…thought we lost him early but he was hiding behind the placenta) so I went by ambulance and couldn’t contact anyone until after labor. I would have liked my mom there. Not married, but my basically mil posted our pic on fb before we even announced it so we were pissed. Made her take it down and he went off on her for her announcing it before us. Like not only was he our miracle baby, but she didn’t even ask. She still posts pics of him on fb while I don’t like to much because of strange people and she doesn’t respect my wishes on that.
Just say no. Wish I did. Was very invasive and uncomfortable and something you can’t take back.
Is your mom going to be in there? If one grandmother cannot be in there then the other shouldn’t be either. I say this because it sounds like she has a normal relationship with her mil. Also she can be by your face if it makes you more comfortable.
Just say no as is completely your right to do so
You just need to tell her how you feel xx
You can tell the nurses that having her around stresses you out. They won’t allow her in the room because it isn’t good for you and the baby if your stress levels are high.
you could always tell her the hospital is only allowing 1 support person, which will of course be your husband
If you don’t stop it now, she’ll try raise your child too. This is your and your husband’s special time!
I’m surprised to see so many comments saying it’s the husband’s responsibility when I’m guessing you’re the one making the decision. If he’s leaving it up to you I could see having you discuss that with his mom. Of course it’s going to be a little heartbreaking for her but it’s all about your comfort. Just tell her you don’t know what to expect or how you’re going to feel when the moment comes and do you think that you would be most comfortable and have the smoothest delivery if you could just focus on you and him. As a mother she should be able to understand that. If she doesn’t it’s no longer your responsibility to worry about her feelings LOL
Just tell her? I didn’t let no one except the child’s father in the room when I was actually birthing the first time, and I had multiple friends and both grandmothers at the hospital, kicked them all out. Second and third time just their dad also.
You may make her feel bad no matter how you say it. This will be good practice for saying no to baby.
Just tell her no. She can meet the baby after its born, when you’re ready for visitors.
I didn’t even let my own mom in for my sons birth, and she totally understood. Your comfort is most important during birth. Most moms will understand.
The only people entitled to be there are you and the father.
Your comfort is what is important for you and baby, and that’s all that matters.
It’s nothing they should take personal… this is your baby, and your experience.
I wouldn’t call until baby is born… or at the very least… shortly before… and then tell nurses no visitors…
Have your husband tell her, it’s his mother. He will maybe find the correct words to use.
Have the doctor tell her that you are only allowed 1 person in there with you. That person is your husband.
Tell your nurses. They will get her out
Just make it about you and your husband welcoming your child. It’s a time for you three to bond.
Tell her no, hubby too, and better yet the nurse. Mine was a pos and my nurse could see it, when her demands started she took no crap and she got nowhere fast. don’t do anything you don’t want, if she’s like my ex mil I’m suprised she wasn’t there at conception guiding it in
Just so no. It’s Ur body and Ur choice
Giving birth is an intimate experience and totally your choice who is present.Tell her she is welcome to wait outside at the maternity unit so she is on hand to see and meet baby as soon as it arrives.
Honesty is the best policy
Tell the doctor, nurse, or attendant/all, that do not want anyone in the delivery room with you, only your husband!
Just tell her that she is welcome to stay in the waiting room, and your husband will come get her when it’s time to see the baby. If she pushes the issue and asks why she can’t be in the room with you, tell her that this is your first baby, you are anxious about the birth, and you have already chosen your support people for the birth. That it’s not personal.
Just tell her and your husband no
Just tell her. It’s a special time. You need to be comfortable. Explain that. Or don’t, bc you don’t have to.
I would just tell her lol say I really want my birth experience to be positive and not that she will but you are worried having someone else in the room will create anxiety for you. Tell her she can be there for some of it but you would appreciate her not actually being there during the pushing part. If she is a decent person she will understand. Or ask her son to tell her.
Just don’t tell her your in labour ,just inform her when baby is born or just be honest
Covid haha. Most hospitals are only allowing mom and dad right now.
But I definitely would just tell her I don’t feel comfortable having you there. Its a very vulnerable and personal time.
Simple, don’t tell her when you go into labour.
Have a backbone and just tell her it’s your first baby and you have a boundary. You understand her wanting to be there for the birth but your not on that level with her. Or like many others have said have the doc cover for you and say only one person in the room is allowed
Just say NO ! My sister in law insisted she be in the room I told my husband absolutely not ! He told her !
Lmfao I never even let anyone know I was giving birth.
I would say no SO fast lol. Bye Felicia.
Have hubby tell her now as opposed to waiting until you are at the hospital. She is course excited but imagine the crush of her spirit if you wait until in labor to tell her.
He can tell her it is an intimate experience you guys want to have together and he will alley her when baby is born! You guys will kettles her know as soon as baby is born and when you are ready for visitors.
My mil and fil were told to wait at home (Because they don’t respect boundaries) and my husband had ran out to the car to get something and when he returned he found my fil just about to go in my room (after having baby). It was umbelieveable. We wanted our other kids to meet our baby first before other family did
Mil and fil were so offended that they couldn’t manipulate everything to go their way.
Also, make sure to tell nurse your preferences for when you are in the hospital/active labor/in room after baby is bborn.
Ask your doctor to tell her.
If she is pushy and stuff maybe have a quiet word to hospital staff on your own and explain what is happening. Ask them to “remind” you and your husband at the next appointment that there is only one support person in the delivery suite with you.
Just say “I’m not comfortable with you being in the room while I deliver.” But if you’re willing to let her come in after, let her know that.
If she feels upset, let her feel how she feels. That doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty or change your mind. She’ll either get over it or she won’t.
Just say due to covid you can only have one person
With all due respect, I would rather not have anybody else in the room.
tell the nurses they will make her wait in the waiting room till babys out xxxx
Just tell her. My mil just knew, she said it was for moms and Husbands. My in laws came up after the baby was born. It was nice.
Just text/message or tell her in person ‘I’m not comfortable with you being in the delivery room’.
No other explanation is needed. She should respect your boundaries.
“Me and my husband would like this to be an intimate moment between us this being our first baby. You are welcome to join after we’ve had a little time together.” As long your respectful about how you go about then you can’t blame yourself for how she feels.
Make your husband do it!!
How intrusive. No no no.
If you weren’t there when he/she was conceived…. You aren’t there when they’re born.
If you don’t set boundaries now , she’ll be demanding to have a bedside seat when the next grandchild is conceived x
She can wait in waiting area and be invited back occasionally.
No is a complete sentence. No explanation required.
Easy… so I thought about it and I don’t want you in the room with me when I’m giving birth…
Let us remember one day we may very well be mother in-laws too.
I told my ex-mother-in-law, (very politely), that I wasn’t selling tickets to the event, and that I wasn’t even having my own mother in there. It would be me, the father and any necessary medical staff only!
Good luck x