You don’t need to!!
Love yourself, love your kids, love your husband!!
Let your mil, miss all of yall!
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It’s her loss, she is not worthy of being their grandmother, I lo e all 7 of mine, yes some I connect with differently than the others, but I’ve them all the same.
My advice is based upon my own experience. I’m sure that others probably have varying opinions due to their background as well. This ones a tough one!
(My take) - one of my grandmothers was always VERY confusing to me. I would go to her house and she would be “decent to me”. I never thought anything of it until i was there when other cousins were. They were treated SO differently. Hugs and kisses and snuggles and candy and gifts and getting to take naps with them while I had to go sleep upstairs by myself and wasn’t receiving any gifts, candy, affection. I thought something was wrong with ME. That I didn’t behave as good as the other kids so I wasn’t being rewarded. It did a lot of internal damage. Insecurities, anxiety, depression, fears of separation and not being good enough or anyone ever wanting me. My dad (it was his mom) sheltered me and didn’t want to explain the situation due to my age. Turns out his sister had never really “taken care of herself”. She got into drinking and drugs at a very young age and ended up being assaulted and having some rather terrible things happen to hurt as a result. She dropped out of high school, never got her license, never got a job… my grandma just did everything for her. So… when she had kids… my grandma basically took care of them too. So they were like her own kids where as I definitely was not. My dad and her didn’t have a great relationship either because of the choices my grandma made with his sister. He and his other siblings were also very bitter towards her because she had neglected them when focusing all her attention on the one sister. My grandma ended up with copd and my aunt went to the hospital one day and was going to take her to the grocery store with her n get her out of her hospital room for a while (ig the hospital was u aware his sister didn’t even have her license, however she was one of the ppl approved who my gma could leave with). Long story short, she killed my gma that day. She then lost her life within a couple yrs & her body basically shut down from all of the drugs & alcohol (and prolly no longer having the one person who took care of her). I never knew all of this until my late teens. I wish my parents would have been more open with me. Perhaps not fully in depth but at least somewhat so I could have understood that it wasn’t my fault n that nothing was wrong with me. Or at least let me make my own choice as to whether or not I even wanted her as a presence. My parents had to all but BEG for her to ever let me stay there or see me.
… SO (sorry for the longest answer ever) I guess my advice would be to just be totally and completely transparent with your children. Make sure they know that it’s nothing that they did wrong or anything that’s bad about them. That she chose this. That you did what their mother should do and stood up for them and protected them and her response was to cut them off because she didn’t like what you had to say. There’s nothing YOU need to do to mend this. IMO in the end, your kids will know you had their back and you tried and u did all you could. They may have that bit of abandonment or why doesn’t she want us or like us as much? If that’s the type of person she is though, I feel her presence would cause far more damage to them. Until she decides to treat all family as FAMILY, respects your boundaries, and apologizes to you your husband and your children… just let it be. She will regret not having them in her life (and if she doesn’t then THANK GOD you didn’t beg her to be a part of it). It’s sad because grandparents are so so so very important and are so special. GOOD ONES.
Think of it this way … every kid needs parents right?.. however if they dont want them or they’re abusive or don’t take care of them then the children are better off in foster care or being put up for adoption to someone who will love them. Why wouldn’t it be the same with a grandparent?
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She sounds like an asshole. F her!
Let ur kids learn to not need ppl… teach ur kids that family isn’t always blood and that they shouldn’t beg to be in ppl lives… to hell with the family who don’t wanna be in their life… tell them their grandmother doesn’t have taste that why she don’t know how sweet they are. As for u… You doh need to speak to her… she isn’t more than u… forget about the lady… just say Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish!!!
Your kids probably already FEEL your MIL does not consider them & love them the same as her other grandchildren. They will be better off without her. I know it will be difficult for your husband.
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I lived this situation with my MIL. I watched her give gifts to my SIL children with nothing for my children. My husband said nothing. Then when my daughter was 4 or 5 she asked my husband why grandma doesn’t love me? That was when my husband ended contact with his mother to protect our children from being hurt.
Go to her and her alone and apologize ( just between you and her, if won’t forgive then you have done all you can do. In a manner of speaking, ( the ball is in her court ) you have done all you can do
Sounds to me like she never liked you. Toxic.
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Let her son talk to her
I don’t think this is on you to make it right. Your feelings on her treating biological versus nonbiological grandchildren are valid. If your 10 year old has already picked up on the tension, they already picked up on that their grandmother treats them differently. Don’t give in and let your child be hurt repeatedly.