Seems like part of the story is missing.
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As a woman who had trouble with boundaries and toxic family- the best thing i did was cut them off- they also donât have a relationship with my children because they havenât changed and If your husband hasnât he needs to speak up to his mother and say disrespecting my wife and mother or my children is not ok. If sheâs not willing to treat them the same then they will see that/ hear that from other family. Itâd stop inviting her to things. Why would you want someone who thinks its ok to treat your children different then the other kids but then snub them and stop attending important events.
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Sounds like she is the one who needs to make it right.
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There are MIL groups. One I found a lot of peace in is. Thatâs it Iâm MIL shaming. Sheâs got an issue not you. Seriously check out the MIL groups, this happens to a lot of women and theyâll have excellent advice.
Thereâs 2 sides to every story.
I get where coming from but how often was she seeing ur kids maybe she the other grandkids more but that doesnât mean she shouldnât try with ur kids
Iâm in same boat. My in laws have disowned me. Putting my husband in rough spot. Heâs struggling worse then me trying to be a peace keeper
Meet up with her and try to make it right. Accept how she is and be civil at least. In the end, you are the bigger person for making amends to a bad situation.
While I agree, she doesnât âneedâ to treat all the kids the same. If she buys one a gift she doesnât have to get all the others one too. If she gets cookies and one asks for a cookie she doesnât now have to hand them out to each kid. If she goes with someone to a store or the zoo and buys something cute for the kid with them they shouldnât be expected to them take the others to said place and get them something also.
The only reason I would meantion treating the kids differently is if A, the kids are being ignored or talked about. ~Or B. They are taking things from them and hovering them to the other children. What was she doing differently with yours then the others and not yours that you didnât agree with?
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You have your own immediate family. Hsve the holidays at home with your husband and kids and ignore the behaviour
Why should your family go without you for the holidays, when you could easily be together
Or better still ⌠be the bigger person, apologise, even if it should be her apologising and get over it and move on
Lifes too short, people wonât be here for ever
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how did you approach her in the first place?
Devils advocate here.
Hereâs the thing, she doesnât have to treat her grandkids the same. You bringing it up caused an issue. But being the end result I think there are prior issues between the two of you you didnât mention. Nobody has to treat everyone equally. Should you? In most cases, yes. But realistically it doesnât happen so itâs our job as parents to prepare our children for that. It sucks & seeing our kids hurt sucks even worse. But itâs life. You attempted to make your peace & it didnât work out. At this point, move on. Because if your husband hasnât attempted to remedy the situation & is still communicating with his mother then thatâs a whole other problem. Because if the MIL is still disrespecting you then he needs to cut off communication as well.
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Why isnât your husband able to speak up and say something? I canât stand a meddling, jealous, childish mother in law (death with it all) and even one who treats and favors certain grandchildren. Only way⌠is to discuss things like an adult and talk with her and your husband and make things right with her. Let it all out then.
Start your own family traditions and include her if she comes or not will be her choice but you can have events with the rest if the family
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I feel she has every right to be angry with you. You can love your family and treat each person differently. Unless maybe you give us the whole story of what made you feel she was treating them differently.
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She isnât as important as your children. That isnât a disagreement, that is hate.
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Well you told her how you felt and she responded but not how you wanted her to so except the consequences and move on.
Am i the only one who thinks your kids will do better NOT being around toxic people like your MILâŚ
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no you are not , I agree, she called her out and she did not like that, her husband should stand behind her. he needs to set his mother straight
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honey, live your BEST life
Sounds like sheâs immature & doesnât care a bit how her actions have hurt you and your husband or her grandkids. This is very upsetting. You could try being the bigger person in this scenario and apologizing but meme it. But just know that it is for your kids ultimately. And never bring up something like that again to her because you obviously know she canât handle it. Just my two sons. Good luck 
You could try being the bigger person in this scenario and apologizing but meme it. But just know that it is for your kids ultimately. And never bring up something like that again to her because you obviously know she canât handle it. Just my two sons. Good luck these things are never easy. But sometimes we have to suck it up for our kids sake. With that being said I would not allow anyone to be directly rude or Her fault to my children so you will need to be the person to make that call.
Your husband needs to speak up
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You tried to reach out, she wasnât receptive. Thatâs on her. Move forward and live your life.
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Stop allowing her to pick and choose what holiday and what children to be around and treat equally. If she can be there for them all, she doesnât need to be at specific ones. Quit allowing her to treat you and your children as an option. The longer you allow it, the longer it will continue. If she misses one of their birthdays and itâs not in good reason, then donât invite to the others birthdays etc.
Then go see other family⌠together. If she wants to play childish games⌠she will be the loser. Make a new "tradition ". Do something else. Go someplace else⌠together, without her.
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Donât force anyone in your kids lives if they canât respect you! You are the mother and simply expressed your feelings/concerns. If she canât respect that than she doesnât deserve to be apart of yours or the kids lives regardless of the relationship.
Start new traditions with your children, spend with other family and friends. People who want to celebrate you all as a whole family.
People really have to stop forcing relationships with people just because theyâre âfamilyâ or blood related. Itâs not healthy mentally or emotionally.
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If You canât have a relationship or some form of civil conversation with me, then you sure as heck canât with my children! If im not welcome then neither are they.
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YOU donât make it right. SHE does. If she wants a disagreement to come between her relationships with her grandchildren then let that rest on her.
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Tell your mother-in-law to put her big girl panties on and grow up. My mother-in-law does the same thing and I came to head with her and I did not care. She treats my two girls differently than she does my stepson and her other granddaughter. She canât even spell my one daughters name correctly. Not to mention the fact that while I was pregnant with her she cleaned house she wanted to be there for her birthday but she wouldnât be in the state. Turns out she was in the state but with our daughter enjoying vacation with them. So yeah I stop by in the BS that my mother-in-law was spewing and told her what I thought. She didnât like it and I didnât care.
Seriously why are you the one trying when sheâs the one in the wrong? What grandmother goes that long without seeing their grandchildren. She sounds like a cranky immature petty women and if that was me I would gladly turn my back to this woman and not speak to her again. As for your children if sheâs now willing to to see them I would let them but I would not lie and try make things up for her. Hope your ok. What has your husband got to say about this?
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Your husband should be the one that backs you. Your his wife those are his children and itâs his mother with the problem!!! You and your husband need to stand together make a family tradition of your own invite family and friends to your house those that come enjoy those that donât itâs ok enjoy make new memories and starting new traditions but donât let the mother in law decide your happiness. The longer you stay disappointed in her the more she wins. Be happy enjoy your holidays
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So all I can tell you is that regarding the kids I am in the same boat as you. My mother-in-law has a lot of grandkids. My oldest who is 19 is the first grandchild in the family. We have four kids and my husbandâs family does not treat them the same as the other grandkids nieces nephews. We always tried to go to family events and include his family and everything. We still send them birthday invites graduation invites. We came to our own conclusions that if they donât have the time or energy to come to these events that we will still invite them but our oldest kids know who is there for them and who is not there for them. Our youngest is six and she barely knows my husbandâs family. We decided that even though we will invite them to things or events that we will not force them to be in our kids lives. My husband made the decision that if I am not welcome then he will not attend and my kids will not go. We have recently and Iâll say this is in the past year have cut off the majority of his family. His mom we have not fully cut off even though she is the issue only because that is his mom and I would never tell him that he cannot talk to her or see her. Saying that my oldest three kids refuse to see any of that family. (Theyâre old enough to make their own decisions). With my 6-year-old we made the decision that she will not go over there she will not be around them. I know that a lot of people will say that you only have one family however toxic is toxic it doesnât matter who it is. If she does not want you in her house and she is not willing to come to a compromise then donât let her know it affects you.
I know itâs upsetting and it probably hurts that you arenât there during the holidays but it gets better. Start your own family traditions and heck even invite her to your house for whatever holiday it is if she decides not to come it is what it is.
Your kids seem better off without her
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Stay away from her and keep your kids away. Just let your husband visit alone. She clearly doesnât care.
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Hugs. This is not on you to make right. 
I hope she comes to her senses.
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Just let your husband and kids go he might be able to sort something if not then at least the kids and her son is seeing them thatâs the main thing x
Itâs your husbandâs battle not yours.
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Stop reaching out to her. She wonât change. Go love on your kids and be sure to let them know in everything you do they donât need grandmaâs love. If ts favoritism games that toxic crap doesnât need to go on at all. Just end that routine of bs and love those kids.
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You made it right already. In my personal opinion I think. The thing is is you originally talked to her about an issue you had Iâd assume as calmly and as mature as you could, which helps incase there was any misunderstanding on the issue at hand. However, sheâs choosing to be extremely childish. She, as a grandmother, should know already in general that thereâs going to be talks in the family and clarification is needed, but she refuses to act nature and continue to properly communicate. If she wants no effort in seeing your children then she made her choose by removing herself from your family. It sucks but honestly itâs better in the long run. You wonât want to deal with continuous negative energy at every family event if thatâs whatâs going to happen. Your children will know you never withheld them from their grandmother, theyâll see itâs her refusing to care about them. If her ego is that bad then she misses out on her sons family and thatâs that 
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As a kid who was in this situation although I figured out I wasnât even in my uncles top 10 (Iâm like the 3rd born (2nd niece).) kids figure it out and it hurts for three yrs I tired to be in his life but he didnât care so I gave up. After that experience I vowed to never let my kids feel that thankfully heâs different now (almost dying from Covid changed his view about me too, I was there more then his favorites .) and has always love my daughter from the moment she was born and now with my son his even more in love. I am glad he changed. My advice your kids will know you canât shelter them from that. The best thing you can do is move on with them and teach them that those who love them will be there no matter what.
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There is nothing for YOU to make right. You saw that all the kids werenât being treated equally, you spoke up. Your MIL decided to be a douche. You reached out, she responded by excluding you but including your husband and children. Put it out of your mind. Focus on your own little family and start your own traditions. If you, nor your husband and children attended her Thanksgiving, it sounds like your husband is siding with you and thatâs AMAZING! Personally, I think all kids should be treated equally, regardless of them being step, adopted, biological etc. Honestly, the animosity between the family will do less damage than one child seeing another being treated better. Youâre doing right by your kids, so keep doing what youâre doing!
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Oh well. One grandma and grandpa gone. Invite the rest of the family to socialize with you when theyâre not at toxic grandmaâs. Family is a circle of friends who love you. Iâm sure there are tons of lonely older people (some who are estranged from toxic kids) who would love to fill in as grandparents.
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Iâm confused. Why are you trying to make something right when sheâs in the wrong? Make new traditions. Have fun and enjoy your life with your little family. She can either get it together or she can miss out.
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You keep standing up for your kids! Youâre doing right by them. As for her⌠Hope those other grandkids are around to wipe her ass when sheâs got dementia. And it is really just that simple. DO NOT allow someone to treat your kids as âless thanâ because you have a narcissistic mother in law and your husband isnât her Golden child.
Google:. Narcissistic mothers. Read up on that toxic shit and all of a sudden⌠EVERYTHING will make sense.
Sound like you need to start your own Thanksgiving traditions! Have a dinner at your house and let your kids bake a dessert together!
You already reached out once itâs her turn now
She sounds toxic and itâs probably best she isnât in your lives.
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Stop reaching out to her !!! By reaching out your telling her she is right and you were wrong !!! I really hope you didnât split your family up for thanksgiving âŚ.
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More time with your side of the family then since mil is being childish
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You donât make it ârightâ. She told you that she intends to treat you children differently/has favorites and doesnât want to change that dynamic. Sounds like her loss! I think what you need to realize is that you want a healthy loving grandmother for your children but she isnât it. If you need time to grieve that go ahead but listen to her when she says how she intends to treat children.
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- Your husband should stand up with you. 2. Let her miss the kiss. You canât let her split your family in holidays.
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Your hushand and the kids should go to her house. She doesnt want you in her house and its her choice. The only people getting hurt here is the kids.
I think the mother in law felt that you were un greatful for helping picking up the kids. How does she treat your kids differently then the other grandkids? I am confused. What I hate is parents expect family or friends to babysit their kids. There your kids.
Unfortunately she probably thinks sheâs right. Walk away.
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No reason to make it right . My mother does it to hers as well . My kids know respect are great kids others are all drug addicts . But they get her love . Just leave it be .
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Sheâs causing a wedge in your marriage and Iâm not here for it! You come as a package deal with your husband. You arenât welcome neither is he
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Why isnât your husband standing up for you and your children is the real question . .
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Her loss, you got something a lot of women donât. That is a husband who is in your side 100% so that speaks about him. He probably has noticed she treats kids differently.
Donât make it right!!!
Start your own traditions.
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Sometimes some family youâre better off without and thatâs okay
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MIL is toxic as hell and itâs better to keep your kids from that. Make your own holiday traditions with your kids and husband, have a small family vacay for the holidays, a small dinner and invite some family members or friends over. Itâs better to stay away from people like that, and even though it hurts itâs better for your kids to learn not to put up with toxic people just because theyâre family.
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You donât fix this. You did nothing wrong. Your MIL SHOULD be treating ALL her grandkids the same! She honestly sounds like a bitter person and your family is better off without her in your life.
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Nah bitch donât need to see them. Fuck that. Treat all the kids the same or fuck all the way off
Apologize. Every relationship is different for many different reasons. Who cares if she treats them differently, as long as she treats them well. Smh
Iâm in the same boat with mine⌠and we walked awayâŚ
Life goes on. Have your own family holidays with those that you love & respect you. That fool doesnât need to be in your kids life. Kids are far more intuitive than we give them credit for. If this causes problems between you & husband let him go but Iâd keep the kids home. If she wants to be a bonehead let her do it on her own time. Shake it off you deserve to be treated better than you are by his mom. Be cordial but cold, this sounds like a fence that she wonât even try to fix & let her make the first move, she caused the rift let her fix it
Sounds like the MIL has the problem. Your husband should stand up for you and your kids.
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that sucks and im really sorry but if im being hinest you dint need to be with them for it to be a family thanksgiving look at it as a blessing you can start your own traditions for the holidays and wont have to deal with all the drama that comes with dealing with family who dont want to speak to you or talk nasty to you and yours again im so sorry your going threw this
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My in laws always treated my kids different then her daughters kids. I would bring my kids to see them at least 3 times a week. They treated my kids so poorly I finally stopped going to her house. I never talked bad about the in laws to my kids. My husband would bring my kids over & mil would talk bad about me to my kids. Finally my husband stopped got to their house. My kids are 36 & 31 and havenât seen them in 20 years. Years ago my kids asked me why I never knocked them & always tried to have them in their lives. I explained that I didnât want to be the reason my husband or them didnât have a Rey either them. My kids are married with their own kids & have never seen them again. We as parents have to protect our kids from evil people
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MIL sounds toxic. Cut ties with her for your mental health and your childrens. Itâs not healthy to feel this way. You did nothing wrong and someone that has Grandchildren should be treated ALL the SAME. Last, your husband should be speaking up.
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Its not your job to make it right. Its hers. Shes being super unreasonable and acting like a child.
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Someone who blocks family like that isnât someone you can reason with. This is manipulative and gaslighting. Glad your husband is sticking with you.
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The MIL is holding a grudge because she got called out. Shame on her, but its the kids who are ultimately being effected. Talk to your husband, see if he can get through to her.
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Shes mad because you called her out on her bs.
Iâm the type Iâd just move right along. Im stubborn. Sheâs the one being ridiculous. You donât need that negativity in you or your kids lives.
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She seems to like control. Is she allowed by the parents of the other grandchildren to run the lives of the kids? Just askingâŚ.been there. She might see you as a threat to being able to run the show in your kidsâ lives.
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Why would you even talk about something like that geez itâs Thanksgiving be fing thankful you are breathing at all. That being said you are just going to suffer till sheâs decided you get what you give
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As long as your husband supports what ever is going on no matter how much it hurts you both every one is better off withour MIL. You cant repair it from one side
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Family is family. I think at one point in our lives we have all said things that âare bellow the beltâ. I think that for the love of my husband I have learned to love the ones he loves. In your caseâŚ.your MIL will need to learn for the sake of her son she needs to love or at least respect the ones he loves. Hold your ground and I believe she will come around especially if your husband isnât showing up out of respect for you 
give it time.
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U can only look at what u did. Ur not telling the whole story obviously
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You did the right thing. Kids can pick up on how differently theyâre treated compared to other grandchildren. Itâs good your husband is sticking by your side. Toxic is toxic and she is being immature. Youâve even tried to reach out, you were being an adult voicing your concerns. Sheâs the one not addressing the problem.
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She sounds real mature.
Sheâll die soon enough⌠and poof, no more problem 
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You have a toxic MIL who doesnât want to admit she has control issues.
You keep your kids home and explain that grandma has a bullying problem
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Sounds like it might be beyond your control. You cannot force her to move on if she doesnât want to. This may be something you have to accept as unfortunate as it may be. Leave the door open for her for when sheâs ready but donât entertain her poor behavior. Your husband should be supporting you and
Not allowing this behavior. If the whole family isnât not allowed then my kids arenât allowed if how I see it. Maybe time will be on your side but for now just let things ride.
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Iâm dealing with the same MIL problems 
. The is nothing to fix if itâs not both sided. I feel your pain
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Make sure your family especially your children have a wonderful time on all special occasions. Iâm an old woman and have seen lots in my time.
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My oldest is ten and youngest is seven and their fatherâs mother has never once reached out to them on her own EVER. Decided this year to cut all ties with her. Her LOSS
Grandparents do treat children differently. Maybe she is closer to the other kids. You took the opportunity at a family gathering to âput her in her placeâ about how she treats your kids, and now she isnât wanting to be bothered with you. (Would you have said anything to your own mother, or would you have treated her differently? You are being shunned as an adult and your kids are getting the fallout from it. Sorry for the kids. You should have picked a private venue.
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Seems ur MIL needs to learn the true meaning of being thankful, although hard on children its harder to be treated less than others. She thinks she is in charge when infact she just, clearly, a petty child. I think better off with out the drama 
sadly when your kids are older they probably wonât want much to do with there Nan and that will be on her. Sounds like you tried but she clearly wants to hold a grudge. Your babies will thrive on love from you and others who care about your Whanau x
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She is petty as all heck. Time to detach from that toxicity.
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Itâs not up to you to make it right. You have your husband n kids. Do your own thing.
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Sounds to me like you already made it right. Donât let that petty bitch get to you. She made her bed let her lay in it. Thatâs the kind of toxic you completely cut out
She is so toxic and you and your kids are better off! We started our own family traditions because itâs much healthier that way, we all accept and love each other so much and thatâs what the holidays are about. Sometimes you are better off!
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I love that your husband is supporting you all the way you have reached out to MIL and she threw it back in your face, so let her stew in her own arrogance, she obviously likes to be in control and doesnât like getting told the truth, itâs her loss!! As for your 10 year, explain that you have had a falling out and describe it as similar to a school playground fallout. As a grandparent myself, I would never punish my grandkids if I had a row with my son in law or daughter in law but I class myself as lucky as we all get on great. Good luck and enjoy your life whether MIL is in it or not x
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As a child of that , I have been through that, every year for Christmas, I got a pair of socks , while the others got dolls, that is if I was not forgotten. I saw my grandparents just about everyday. What I can say is yes it does hurt, but I had a good mom and dad and they made sure I never went with out, I also had another grandma that also made sure I never went with out. I just came to terms with the situation and went on with it. Each child will deal with it in their own way. I loved them anyway.
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Remember, There is always two sides to every story.
I would not worry about it. I would have my own tradition at home with my children. I would not include her in anything. Invite his family members to your home. Who says the venue canât be changed. Good luck and God bless.
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Well, think of this:
What kind of an example do you want set for your kids regarding fairness?
How important is all of their happiness, and will it be gained by watching grama favor some and ignore others?
How important is it to teach them to stand up for themselves, or for others?
Maybe a speaker phone call with all of the kids and the husband present, asking grama for answers, so they can hear it for themselves instead of hearing it from you. That way, they canât hold a grudge against you if she decides to be mean.
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MIL sounds toxicâŚ
You dont need to fix anything. Carry on with your life and make yr children happy.
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Donât give in. All grandkids get treated the same period. Whether you are a blended family or whatever. Your kids donât deserve all the hurt.
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