How do you move on from stuff like this?
As a child I was the victim of SA between the age of 5-17 I did my best to put this behind me over the years until I fell pregnant and the memory's came rushing back and fear along with it im having night terrors and I don't trust a single male around my children.? And have become very over protective with them out of fear?
85 Likes
I know the statistics of child abuse and sexual assault. No one looks after my kids apart from my family and that’s rarely and only if I really need.
4 Likes
It never goes away but maybe therapy can help 
2 Likes
I mentioned this on a previous post, but I’ve been doing hypnotherapy with a licensed hypnotherapist to deal with some ptsd and trauma.
It is making the BIGGEST difference!
I highly recommend it over traditional therapy.
Id honestly start with therapy
1 Like
Counseling to recognise and deal with triggers
1 Like
Never goes XXX I have PTSD xxxx
1 Like
Therapy would be a start
1 Like
Counselling/therapy would be a great place to start 
3 Likes
Therapy! You need to talk to someone and get your feelings validated and help managing them.
1 Like
With loads of help, accepting what’s happened to and maybe using that to help others? Know you are not alone. Those memories and fears may never go away but you could use them to educate other people and give them the strength to seek help should they ever find themselves in a situation like yours.
1 Like
Therapy. But it never goes away. You just learn to cope better.
1 Like
You need to see a therapist who specializes in child abuse.
You really need to start with therapy
Idk, but dont ever stop being over protective of your children.
11 Likes
Have you confronted your abuser?
I told several people while I was being abused and they ignored me over and over again so I eventually buried my trauma
When my daughter went through her own trauma a few years ago her courage to come forward made me finally step up and face my own past
I wrote a very detailed email to my abuser and sent it to him, his wife, our family friends, my husband, and I even posted it in my local community group because I was FINALLY done hiding behind HIS shame
18 Likes
I go to therapy and am starting edmr training to work through it and cope.
This is my perspective and I wish someone told me this instead of “move on” or “forget about it”.
I don’t mean to be negative but I don’t believe in “moving on” because how can you just erase trauma? You can’t! There is only
Coping strategies.
People always say to do XYZ to move on and it would never work. What works is coping. Ways to let the moment pass each time it comes.
The night terrors I haven’t figured out yet. Those are the most difficult to deal with because Controlling yourself while sleeping is impossible for me.
If you figure this one out, please do share!
4 Likes
It may never go away. It might get easier as time goes on. Therapy can help. It does for some. I know for me i cannot verbalize what was done to me after being forced into silence out of fear of death to myself and my siblings I just can’t physically do it so therapy is pretty pointless and useless for me. But there are other things I do. I have a journal. And I wrote down everything that happened and one day I’ll share it with someone. It helped to just write it. I do poems. I work to take my mind off it. I have animals which also help. But even with all that I am still overprotective and anal with my kids. That’s not something I will ever lapse with. All you can do is work towards small goals you set. But being a protective momma isn’t something to be ashamed of.
Its very hard, i went thru similar and i am so thankful i have a boy! Not that it doesnt happen to them, but you know what i mean. I went to counseling, therapists, been on multiple antidepressants, and im 36 and still suffer depression and anxiety. Idk what it is nothing has really helped me, but i have good days and bad, and try to hide it as best i can, for my sons sake. Best of luck to you love, its not an easy thing to overcome, but dont give up! Try different things, and see if/what works best for you 
1 Like
I can count the people on my hands that my children are aloud to be with. Being over protective Isn’t wrong until it alters normal life.
3 Likes
Find a professional to talk to and accept medication if offered, it can make a world of difference.
Counseling. I had the same problem. I was abused as a child. I have tried meds and certain types of counseling. None worked until I started seeing a therapist that helps me through what’s called brain mapping. It’s just talking your brain and body through alternate ways of thinking/coping. It has been amazing so far.
1 Like
Therapy and continue your overprotective instinct with healthy boundaries. Keep men away anyway, they’re bad news. 
3 Likes
Therapy, also very wise to be cautious on who watches your children can never be too safe.
1 Like
Honestly I’ve never gotten over the trauma inflicted on me(and yes I’ve been to counseling) as a child. The only men allowed to watch my daughter are her dad, her pops and her grandpa and that’s it. Even women, i must KNOW you, and feel 100% comfortable before leaving you with my kid. I will NOT send her to pre schools or daycare either. I will not allow what happened to me to happen to my child. I had two completely isolated instances and in both situations I was being babysat soooo I have like ptsd when it comes to my child being babysat. All I can is talking about it and spreading awareness helps. Not only you but future victims as well.
1 Like
One thing no one talks about is how hard it is to have the triggers and fears and terrors and still “mom” properly. Take a breath and know that you did not do anything to inflict it on yourself. Understand that you are valuable and worthwhile just as you are, and it is not your fault that people took advantage of your innocence and inability to protect yourself. Their actions do not dimish your worth. You have a right to feel safe. You have a right to set boundaries. You have a right to heal from it all. Try to understand your triggers, and accept them. Understand that it is reasonable and okay for you to have said triggers and to develop ways to cope with them.
It is hard to find a counselor you can trust when your safety and trust has been taken advantage of so intimately, but it is a good place for you to start. Try finding a counselor. You dont have to settle for anyone you arent comfortable with, but dont give up the fight to feel better, because I promise it is possible if you keep trying. Exhaustion can exacerbate the effects of trauma and abuse and night terrors have the tendancies to create that exhaustion. There are meds that can help you sleep and that may help you find ease in the process. Be gracious and understanding with yourself. You were not handed these circumstances, they were forced upon you. You are doing the best you can with the circumstances youve had to deal with. You are worthy and enough. You are deserving of safety, comfort, and happiness. It is okay if those things feel differently than you would expect them to, while you work through the trauma.
Breathe, I’m right there with you, I’ve started following therapist pages on Instagram to learn different methods of controlling my brain, it’s all too easy, those are the child’s most impressionable years, don’t think of it as a failure, but try not to stay as long when those memories pop up, and absolutely cry and mourn for your childhood and innocence, hugs mama too many of us are in the same boat
2 Likes
I’m still over protective and I’m working on my grandkids now. I was SA from as far back as I can remember until about 14, I’m almost 53 now. The fear and trust issues never go away.
You only have to trust as far as you’re willing! And no more, if there’s a situation you can’t handle, it’s ok to leave and recollect yourself
I’m 32 years old a suffer from trauma of childhood physical abuse. I wish I had the answers for you but my own demons have been eating at me for a long time. So I can’t give you the solid advice you need. But I am following your post to get advice for myself. I’m sorry you’re having this issue as well. From one stranger to another, I you.
2 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I move on from a violent childhood?
1 Like
You sort of dont, i never trusted anyone with my kids except my mum, my brothers and close friend, never left to overnight sleepovers either, until much older, it gets better as you get older, but you are always cautious, keep your kids close
13 Likes
Therapy. Find a rape crisis center, they will help you. The fear, grief, hurt , anger, shame should be dealt with in a caring and supportive environment . I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you, please get professional support . It really works to heal your life.
22 Likes
Therapy. You have to learn how to process that trauma so that you can grow from it instead of being stuck. Therapy has helped me a lot with mine.
12 Likes
I don’t know if you can ever get past it, not 100%. And no matter what I think women should always be somewhat concerned about other adults around their kids. Talk to your kids, educate them but always keep eyes and ears open! Pedophile or criminal aren’t written on people’s foreheads unfortunately! Sorry for anyone who has been sexually assaulted!
9 Likes
You stop living in the past. What’s done is done. Some counselling for sure, but your laying your fears on your children and that isn’t healthy for them. I was abused. But I’m no ones victim.
17 Likes
I totally understand you. I would say trust your maternal instinct and the best we can do is educate them as soon as they are able to understand us & make them feel safe in every stage in their life. Let them know that whatever they tell us is safe with us. I don’t think you should put it behind you and repress it. We have to accept it to move forward from it
5 Likes
Definitely recommend therapy it’ll give you healthy tools to work through your own feelings and guide you on what to do with you little ones
5 Likes
The right man will understand that you went through huge abuse for years. Remember the right man will never take it personal. If they do…buh bye! Especially when you and him wanna commit the rest of your life together, they will realize that these issues will take years to resolve. Not in like a short amount of time. If this person makes you feel like you never gave them a chance or not getting better or anything. Just know he isn’t paitent to spend the rest of his life with you. There are right people who completely understand
3 Likes
Get a therapist. You don’t “move on” from something like that babe. You move through it. I’m so sorry you went through that.
7 Likes
Therapy to help you through it, to help you manage and your help you when you get triggered
3 Likes
I’m not a big Therapy person. I had the help when ask to go back, as far back as necessary…pick yourself as a baby, toddler, youngster or teen … bring those of yourself to you now. Live for today. Guarded, loved, understood and living today. We have survived.
1 Like
You will never “get over it”, just learn to live with it. Therapy helps some people, but not others. The most impotent thing is to have an open, honest relationship with your children so they know they can come to you with ANYTHING without fear of you overreacting. Teach them what’s appropriate and what’s not. Teach them that they can trust you- NO MATTER WHAT. Learn their cues, talk with them openly (only share your story as needed when they’re young). You will get through this.
1 Like
Accept that bad things happen to good people and look forward, not back.
Finding a psychiatrist/ psychologist trained in Acceptance and Commitment therapy will work too.
Good luck 
One day at a time. I understand completely. It is very hard to trust anyone. Just always go with your gut feeling. Protect the little ones , someone has to.
Your going to need help from a professional therapist, your not letting your children be children, you will teach them your fear…fear is healthy but yours is not healthy but that’s due to your childhood into young adulthood!..its very healthy to love your children that much but also you need to teach them about what kind of touching is okay, so they are not by default be in the situation you were in…I’m sorry that that happened to you and it makes me angry that someone robbed you and raped you of your childhood and young adulthood!
Honestly in this world be cautious. My dad was soo very strict growing up I hated it but understand now as a mother of children. I will do the same thing he did and I don’t really care.
Therapy and a support group that have been through the same thing or something similar a therapist should be able to point u in right direction
For me I never got past it it’s hard but it becomes normal you’ll just have to teach your kids how to be strong and independent it’s not fair but maybe therapy will help
Depending on where you live, contact you local centre against sexual assault support Centre.
2 Likes
Learn to never let that happen to your child, pray and don’t look back or you will never move forward.
Go to counseling. It’s the best decision I ever made💙
Lots and lots of therapy and work. Im sorry you went through that.
I had the same experience when I got pregnant with my first. I was diagnosed with GAD, depression, and PTSD at a young age but i felt I had it under control until i was about 4-5 months pregnant with my son. I talked with my OB and she gave me a ton of options. Together we decided that a combination of medication and therapy would be the best route for me.
My oldest is 2.5 now and I also have a 6 month old. I definitely still struggle with allllll of those things you listed, but instead of it consuming my and my children’s lives, I am able to manage my fears, emotions, and anxiety around my triggers and am so much more balanced and in control now.
It is a daily work in progress and some days are far better than others. Just know you are not alone, there are so many wonderful resources out there to help you, and although it doesn’t ever go away, it is completely possible to live a happy life that isn’t always controlled by fear.
I genuinely wish the best for you, mama 
Therapy saved my life after years of childhood SA and PA
Prayer and professional psychotherapy
Therapy and asking the Lord to remove those demons. That is an unclean spirit. I’ve felt with that personally. I am a survivor of child molestation. It started around 5 and ended when he left the home at 15. I’m 32 now and I was just delivered from that demon a couple months ago with help from my pastor. God is not the Author of confusion He is the Author of Peace. May the peace that surpasses all understanding guard your heart and your mind through Christ Jesus.
Therapy sweetheart. But equally, never distrust your maternal instincts, ever. Xx
5 Likes
Best parr about this post is ur recognising how u are feeling , do u have a local women’s health centre? Find a counsellor who specialises In SA and get coping strategies. Trauma is such a hard thing to deal with and by u wanting to overcome this is huge , u should be proud. Baby steps girlfriend baby steps. Focus on ur own mind and mental health before u start thinking about “I don’t trust a single male around my kids” … having a male around ur kids right now isn’t necessary. If u need a babysitter get a family member or close female friend . Focus on the root of the problem xx u will be ok
1 Like
This definitely isn’t a ‘self help’ thing or something that people on Facebook can help with! What you went through is cruel and unfair and your feelings are more than understandable! You do however need to consult a professional about this and seek therapy, they will be the absolute best people to help you work through this. I really hope you get all the help to get through it 
x
1 Like
Dialectical behavioral therapy.
You go to therapy, they give you tools to deal with things. Sounds like you could have PTSD. As far as being over protective of the kids, this day and how the world is I think everyone needs to be very protective of the children.
I went to therapy and worked out my trauma it’s still hard some days. But I’m alot better. I have depression and anxiety it’s severe some days are good some not so much. Just take it hour by hour and work on yourself when your not in therapy. I don’t have night terror’s so I don’t know what that’s like. I’ll pray for u. I’m also over protective my girls go with my mom and my husband and that it really. I’ve kept them sence they were 
. I still scared of the what if, if other family members ask can I have the girl’s for such and such time I freak out in my head lol. It’s a scary world we live in and you just never know these days even with family member’s.
Professional therapy.
I’m so sorry this was done to you. Therapy for sure.
Please get in contact with a licensed therapist. There are a lot of work places that will offer 6 free visits. Check with HR where you work. In the absence of that, there are online therapy services now where you can talk to someone without leaving your home. Some of them offer a month free. I have been where you are and thought the same thing. My major coping strategy was denial. And I could stuff some pretty serious emotions until there was a stressor and then all that came out as fear, anxiety, pain, huge fear of abandonment, unworthiness, etc. It really started to effect my life and current relationships in a way it had never done before. Talking to someone who is licensed and trained will give you some perspective. Good luck
I have never been sexually abused but still don’t trust no man around no children at all so you are very smart by keeping and my children like that don’t ever let them around alone with that man not even a boyfriend
I went through THE EXACT same thing. Abused by my father from the time I was 3 or 4, to 16 years old. I struggled in my adult years and didn’t even realize I was struggling. I kept telling myself that I was “FINE”. What Finally helped me was, I working in pediatrics, I was a medical assistant, and this young girl came in. She had been assaulted by a family member. I was the one who helped her talk to her mother and together they went to the police. What Finally broke me was, she kept saying she was fine. Its ok to not be fine. It took me so long to realize that. I told that girl what happened to me, and it helped her. Thst was the start to my healing. It still took me a few more years to REALLY get it. To stop wanting a mother who never wanted me. I stopped being a victim and became a survivor. I talk about it to people when they are struggling, and each time, a peice of my soul feels clearer. You have clearly not given up on life, and the hope for happiness. You deserve to be happy. That s*** you went through, you SURVIVED!!! you have a greater purpose in life than just being a victim. Use your pain and fear to save another human being from that dark hole you fell into. I never saw a therapist, but I think about it even now. It helps some people. There are also support groups for trauma survivors. Its hard to trust again after your soul has been shattered, listen to your children, listen to your gut. If they aren’t old enough to tell you about stuff, then keep a camera in your home for daycare when you aren’t there. Teach them early about good touch bad touch. And make sure that they know, no matter what they can tell you ANYTHING without judgment. We all need something. You can’t let what happened to you destroy your future or the happiness that you can find. Dont let your abuser continue to have that power over you. Im so sorry that happened to you.
Relationship wise, definitely be open with your partner about what happened. Im not saying every detail, but enough to let them know, that if they want to be with you, then they have to prove they can be strong for you on dark days. Bc even I still have them. They have to know that there may be certain things you may not ever be able to do, without triggering a memory. A truly good partner should be your friend before becoming a lover. Good luck to you and your family. Please never give up on finding true happiness with another person. And you can pm me if you just need to talk to someone who really truly knows what you’ve been through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
13 Likes
Yeah it’s hard, I have about 5 people in the whole world I trust alone with my kids…
3 Likes
Please seek professional help.
1 Like
Therapy, when you get flashbacks, or triggers from past trauma it’s hard. Find either a group or a good therapist.
1 Like
Therapy can help I was in intense PTSD dbt therapy but it’s always gonna be there I have a 9 yr boy and 6yr girl the girl has NEVER stayed the night anywhere the boy 2 she’s almost 7 and I still grab her hand and yank her towards me whenever any male young or old walks anywhere near us
1 Like
Therapy. Then more therapy. Then even more at big transitional life moments when the trauma comes back in the biggest waves.
Then we take those skills learned and build a better life than we had for our kids.
You are strong enough. You are brave enough. You are DEFINITELY worthy of healing. <3
3 Likes
Forgiveness… Not down playing the abuse at all, but true freedom comes after you forgive the abuser and over time you then begin to heal. Depending on your religious thoughts Joyce Meyer’s is a great to listen to. She preaches about God and her healing from the SA her dad did to her during her entire childhood. May be worth checking out. Hugs
1 Like
It’s impossible to be over protective of your kids nowadays. But, therapy will be beneficial to you. I say that lovingly. I have to go thru therapy still to this day for my sanity. I have PTSD, anxiety, and some other issues. I’m not 100% well, but having someone to talk to definitely helps me stay sane. Hugs and prayers coming your way darlin
1 Like
Lots and lots of therapy. Praying for you to have strength and guidance 
1 Like
This probably isn’t the most helpful advice, but keep being wary of people and men.
Listen to your children. If there’s ever a time they are uncomfortable or scared of a certain person, remove them immediately.
Instilling early on that they can tell you things, that mommy can and will help even if someone is telling them I cant, and that safe adults never ask children to keep secrets, can really be a life savor. I have no faith in humanity. As a mother it’s our job to teach them these things in case anything ever happens, or tries to happen. Good luck. It’s not easy living with being SA. every day is a battle.
2 Likes
i am also like you!
a victim of child sex abuse, until my twenties basically.
it has, messed me up.
my son is 3
im hypervigalent, paranoid, and my anxiety is real.
i carry a 9mm on me now, and a huge buck knife.
i dont fuck around, no
more.
bc im not going to be my mom - who didn’t protect me. im gojng to fight for my baby, and myself.
it has lifted some weight off me - having this protection- but therapy also, hasnt really helped the strong memories or flashbacks. talking is good but it doesnt make everything go away lkke people think.
be weary and over protective! its life or death sometimes and your child, is all you got
Psychotherapy and EMDR
1 Like
I’m so very sorry that you went through this. You need to seek professional help to help you work out your anger, fear and let’s face it self esteem issues. Not only for yourself but for your children sake. You already realize that your over protective of your children now, you don’t want to carry that on into their teenage years. You will really have a rebellion on your hands then if you do. So do it for yourself first but also to be the best Mom you can be. You all deserve it. Good luck and remember, you have to take care of you and be well before you can help others. God Bless on and yours.
You have PTSD and you need treatment.
Inadvertently, you’ll teach your children to live in fear.
Teaching children to be cautious is important, teaching them not too trust and fear ppl is unhealthy for their develeopment in the real world.
And I say this as a survivor. I won’t make my children suffer for my lack of healing.
2 Likes
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Go talk to someone about your trauma and express your concerns regarding your children. This is very common and they can help you work through it. Your babies need a healed mama, and you yourself deserve it as well!
1 Like
Honesty , everyone should fear for their children. I had a child 30 yrs. Ago she died at 4 months. Two yrs later I had a son… the fear……the anxiety……bad dreams……always trying to think of any bad that”could” happen , before it could happen. I was treated with anti depressants. I became a sad person. Years of struggle to feel good again. 25 yrs later I’m in a motorcycle accident. Started having night terrors and fears again. I knew what kind of medicine I was not going to agree with. So I sought a therapist and medical dr that supports medical cannabis. Really helps with nightmares and Night terrors. I had no Ill , mental, emotional or “spacey” side effects.
But yes dear it’s ok to worry about any situation s your child may get into . Be a good mama. Love and heal.
1 Like
You need therapy. I was abducted, raped, and barely escaped with my life. Finding others who I could open up to who had been through similar situations helped.
I feel this as I was Sexually abused from 8-12 and it took me forever to learn trust. Therapy will be your best tool
1 Like
You need some help (in a good way). It’s hard to overcome such traumatic events but having support and guidance can really make a difference.
1 Like
I haven’t yet. Therapy hasn’t helped yet…
You don’t. You learn to live with it. It’s very hard to do. My prayers are with you 
I’m so very sorry you suffered thru this abuse. Your in my thoughts and prayers
Check into counseling or therapy, it might help you. Prayers for you and I’m sorry.
1 it’s not wrong to be protective of your kids. 2 therapy for your own sanity because how will you get the skills to cope and heal yourself and I know night terrors are horrible and you need sleep to function. (Find a therapist that you click with it’s hard to open up if you don’t feel comfortable I have always done 3 visits before staying or changing drs)
1 Like
You’re not crazy 
why do you need to trust other people more. They’re 9/10 scumb@gs.
Therapy honey lots of years of therapy I’m now able to talk about it without throwing up I’ve been in therapy for 5 yrs
Why do you need to trust a man again around your kids? I was never sexually abused as a child but I was nearly raped a couple of times as an adult. I don’t trust men around my kids. You never know what any man will do…Or women for that matter.
You honestly need therapy. I know people who have been through the same things and once they finally got in to therapy, while hard, has been very beneficial
Def try to get a counselor that does EMDR I have a lot of childhood trauma, we just started that process a month ago and it has helped A LOT!