Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I push this further?
Trust yout gut instincts
Listen to your daughter, if I was you I would file a restraining order and then file for full custody and all of this will come into the light on its own.
I would get a diff attorney. An attorney can file for emergency custody order. I couldnt send her back no way:sleepy:. Im sorry this happened i cant imagine what this is like for you. Also have you tried child welfare?? They will send a caseworker to talk to him
Listen to your daughter please when I was a child around 7 my dad molested me and his girlfriend Beat me lock me in a dog cage no one believed me at all I mean nobody till 1 day I set him up while he was drunk he admitted to everything even what his girlfriend did nothing more than a child feeling like no one believes her so there for she won’t ever tell you if something was happening to her again because no one believed her as her mother u need to get the police involved good ass attorney and go to court and tell them u want him to have a lie detector test done on him if he saids no he is guilty right there
Always listen to your child! From past experiences keep fighting , the people who hold the most power on these things are often wrong , the police , social services etc! Unfortunately the system appears corrupt when it comes to sexual abuse! If the signs are there trust your instinct and do whatever you have to to keep her safe!
Sometimes kids will say it’s someone else they feel comfortable around because they’re scared to say who it really is or they were threatened. Depending on her age you can gently dig deeper or get her into a trauma therapist who will be able to get to the bottom of it. It might take time but they can testify and validate the claim. I’ve had to go through this with my second child.
Thank you for listening to your daughter, as someone who has experienced this I can’t tell you how much of a difference it would of made if someone had spoken to me and made me feel safe. Keep fighting
i wouldn’t be letting my daughter go anywhere near him… file for emergency placement whether it’s with yourself or a family member you trust… get yourself a different attorney too
I would protect your child but it’s also common for a abuse victim to change their stories and not the truth. Make sure it is the dad and not another
I would try going to a sexual/physical abuse advocate place. They will be you and your childrens best help at this point. They will help you file a restraining order on the childs behalf.
Good luck with father’s Rights on his side and judges who could care less good luck.i don’t want to get a big fight started because I am all for real father’s and their rights sadly the judge just wants to move on to the next case
Take her to the doctor and have a pelvic exam.
Don’t send your child to her dad it’s quite simple. Where I live (FL) the police won’t remove the child from one parent to give it to another unless there is a signed court order saying to do so. A court ordered time sharing plan isn’t good enough either. A judge literally has to sign saying it’s okay to remove child from parent A and place with parent B. So don’t send the child anywhere u think she isn’t safe
Dont send your child! Mom knows best! Do whatever it take to keep your kids safe! I would take her to a counselor and have them recommend no visits! I would also refuse visits. It’s your job to protect!
Hire a better attorney and at the very very least fight for supervised visitation.
Been there done that. Had her father rights taken away from him. Also got child support for 18 yrs. Now she’s 30 and hasn’t seen him since she was 4.
LEO can’t really do to much except give you a case number n by being court mandated report to CPS… If CPS determined unfounded you can get records why, which if lawyer involved would know n have…
Another option is taking her to doctor n they can do referral to a child therapist that specializes in possible sexual abuse… Depending on child’s age they have different methods n both are also court mandated.
Not knowing what signs (which isn’t needed to public), just saying “it was dad” really doesn’t do much n I can see why unfounded case.
Please don’t send her back there, I told my mum twice then took back what I said because I thought I’d be in trouble
Ok you said she was showing signs. There’s not a lot of info to go off. How old is she. What were the signs. Did you come out and ask her if it was her dad. How were they able to rule it out?
Always look into it!!! Happened to me for 11 years !! when there are signs , always always look into it. She needs her mum x
Unfortunately once the police and/or cps rule your case as unconstituted that’s just kinda what it is and it’s awful and disgusting fr:rage: I spent 7 years of our life and so much of our sanity to attempt to have my daughters voice JUST HEARD, I wasn’t necessarily looking for any guilty verdict, just thought it’s complete and total BS that the rapist has relation in our local pd and they let that detective be involved in our cases/situations and it was him who first said the line “she’s a drug addict and a POS. We can’t believe a word she says” and sure enough that’s the hill this crap died on too:unamused: I’ve been sober 7 years this year!!! Ever since this came out really and I’ve done everything I’m supposed to, we served OUR time, so when does the rapist serve his and more importantly when does the corruption have any light shone on it:thinking: Our cps worker was cool with said detective so that went just about as well of course. I’ve moved counties and of course my daughter has been heavily involved in therapy ever since and Geauga County had the head of their cps dept fighting for Cleveland to pick this back up and share police reports and stuff, with absolutely no luck at all. The Geauga County head told me verbatim that if this had happened in his County there was absolutely no way the case would’ve been closed so easily and recklessly and that they’ve won cases with a lot less so at very least it would’ve went to court to be decided there. Even with ppl like that behind us and supporting us i never had much success with this case. I got it reopened in 2019 after 6 long years and so much fight I couldn’t begin to tell you here:muscle: A grand jury came back in less than 10 mins with a charge of rape of a minor. We go to sit down with the prosecutors office and they are a complete nightmare from the first conversation:face_with_symbols_over_mouth: At the end, after all charges were dropped the prosecutor actually tells my therapist “I’m not worried about (child’s name) psychy bc of these “alleged” charges, I’m worried about her psychy bc she has 2 junkies for parents that aren’t emotionally available to her”… this is in my counseling record and a medical record is as legal as a police report yet I can’t even report that apparently:roll_eyes: And again, 7 years sober this year so wtf is she even talking about, she’s met me in Person exactly once up to this point yk:unamused: I personally would get her into therapy and maybe even some kind of groups and get her talking bc without more info and if they’ve already decided what you’ve got isn’t good enough then not much is going to happen until you can get more. It sucks that it’s this way but our system is so so broken and it’s the innocent lives paying the highest cost:broken_heart: You can try the Victims 9f Crime Justice Advocacy Centers (i may have butchered the name but you should be able to find them still with a similar search) but honestly they were useless for my daughters case:woman_shrugging: Once pd is against you most everyone is and in my case even when you have evidence pd us crooked:exploding_head:
I got free help from a sexual assault crisis center as a teenager. I would try there. They did counseling and gave me an advocate. They can really help you!
Not saying stuff doesn’t fall through the cracks but cps does an extensive investigation when it comes to stuff like this and odds are high it didn’t happen.How has your daughter been with going to her dads in the past? Has she had anything to say about the situation knowing she is going back for visits? I would continue the discussion with my child because she might not be telling you something and maybe its another person who needs to be investigated.
You dont say how old your daughter is but you always believe your child when they accuse someone of sexual abuse.
I know that’s hard on the accused if they turn out to be innocent but thats just tough.
It must be investigated fully. Drs examination would be my first step…although depending on what has happened it can be hard to prove…police have specially trained officers to deal with these cases and should be referring you to that department.
Get a new lawyer and dont send your child to her dads till everything is investigated and you are satisfied your daughter is safe
First of all, don’t “push it”. Make sure your daughter knows you’re a safe place to turn to and that you will be there for her no matter what.
Secondly, if you feel like your daughter shouldn’t be around her father, then don’t let her be. I also wouldn’t bring this up to him because who knows what could happen if what you’re saying is true.
Always trust your gut.
I would make notes of what she has said to you (times, dates, what she said happened) and have a record of it.
Don’t stop fighting for her, but also don’t push her if she’s not ready to tell you more
Was she examined by a child specialist who works with victims of sexual abuse? Did she see a child forensic analyst who works with just children that have been sexually abused…
As someone who went through this with my own dad, sometimes it’s hard to open up when it’s their biological parent. There can be alot of narcissism, bribing, just getting into her head telling her she has no where to run to more or less. You have to re assure her that she won’t get in trouble and she won’t be hurting anyone. The tie of being her father would be frightful because even though she wouldn’t want what is happening to her, at the same time she wouldn’t want to see her own father getting in trouble and being put away. That child to parental love is still there and it could potentially be what is going on with your daughter as I was like this also. My mother would ask me, even my nan would ask me and I would say no because I was scared of the outcome. You need to reassure her nothing bad is going to happen to her and that her well being is very important. I went through this from 5-17 years old and didn’t come out until I was 23 and pregnant. Wishing I knew then what I know now, I would have spoken sooner. Just let her know the longer something goes on that you suspect is happening, the harder it gets to overcome it. Sometimes I wish my mum confronted my dad about it herself, too.
Good luck, and I hope it turns out in a positive way for you and your daughter
Get your kid a therapist
Kids don’t lie about that. Listen to your child. Don’t send her back and call another police or fbi or something till it is dealt with. Take it to court
Been their as a kid my grandparents pushed for me and mt siblings Def push for you’re daughter she’s gonna need it
Oh man! I’m so sorry for your little girl. When this happened to me, I was 12, I told my mom, after a year of abuse, and I never saw him again. Please don’t let her go over there anymore. That is the best thing you can do for her. Get a new lawyer if you can. Keep fighting Mama, your the only one who can!
If the lawyer didn’t do their job, ask for your money back and tell them you will report them to bar state for neglect on your case and find a better lawyer. Unfortunately she’s probably not his only victim. Ask around about him and children he was near.
idk how old ur daughter is but is she old enough to with out her dad knowing set up a phone or camera that records in her room at her dads to record
As a father of a 4 year old daughter I am unfortunately going through a similar situation. Long story short my then fiancé left for rehabilitation and the program allows the women to bring their kids with them. After her being there for a few months I was accused of touching my daughter in her private areas which never happened. I’ve done Sat down with the detective twice to be interviewed and questioned on my own will about the aquacations. I volunteered to take a polygraph test to clear up everything months ago and I’m still not allowed to see my daughter yet. The whole court system is a joke especially if you live in a mother state like TN because the fathers who actually care for and want to be in their kids life gets dragged through the mud but you as her mother should never question what you daughter tells you and should always be in tuned with how she is feeling so you and your child are able to get down to what is really going on with her. A lot of mothers jump the gun and are quick to want to take the father for everything he has because of something that happened in the past in there relationship which I’m not saying is the case here but as parents you must come together for the childs sake and happiness.
Yes get her a child psychologist/therapist as soon as possible, can you imagine how hard it is for HER to process not being believed on top of the abuse:broken_heart:
Get a new lawyer & guardian ad litem.
Let me say you may not get justice. My oldest son was hurt by his dad’s uncle. He was supposed to spend the weekend with dad but dad left him with his family the whole weekend. His family found it ok to let my son who was 7 at the time sleep downstairs in the basement in the bed with ex’s uncle who is in his late 40s at the time. (They had 2 couches upstairs my son could have slept on) my son came home saying he was “kicked in the butt all night long” my son went to use the toilet soon as he got home and he was literally dripping blood into and onto the toilet, toilet paper and had blood in his underwear. I took him to er. Dr said there was an injury, had us speak to social worker for er and set up counseling with an agency. Cps was also involved. Cps let it go, they didn’t care. The counselor admitted she knew things happened and wished she could help but since police and cps dismissed it was nothing else she could do. He walked away with not a single charge. He then shows up at 10:45pm on a Sunday demanding to see my son. I refused. Firstly dad never picked up son for his weekend that weekend. And the fact that dad’s uncle showed up with a man I have never seen before DEMANDING LATE at night to see my child was very odd and I denied him. He made threats and I told him I’d have him arrested if he didn’t leave as he was trespassing and he is not welcome at my home nor was the stranger with him. Courts do not care at all…smh
Dont let her go! They dont know what goes on behind closed doors when they arent there, they just assess a few days and everything’s fine in their eyes, unless she has a reason to lie I would believe her. Better to be safe than sorry
Honest…Steve Wilkos!!! He will help you get to the bottom of it
Don’t send her. Go to her doctor PLEASEEEEEEEE
Get her into counseling. If anything happened it will be documented. If she doesn’t feel safe it will be documented.
Take her to a child advocacy center and tell them what is going on. They should be able to help you
believe her, don’t send her back to her dad. & keep pushing til something is done. don’t give up. get the abuser where they need to be. get her to a dr, counseling, and be there for her.
If you believe your child is in imminent danger, you can keep the child from going. But you need a guardian ad Litem ASAP. It has to be requested by a court. You should also file for an emergency hearing to change parenting time due to the alleged abuse. Make sure you cross all your T’s and dot all your I’s and you should be fine from any issue with the court. I got my daughters a cell phone to take to their dad’s, for emergency purposes. They weren’t “allowed” to call me to communicate with me while they were there, so I got them a phone to use for emergency purposes only, to call me or text me if bad things were happening so step dad and I could go get them out do the situation. We made it clear that the phone stayed in my oldest daughters purse and only was used for this purpose.
File an Emergency Motion w the court to stop her from going to her fathers.
First, take her to a doctor they will look for any tearinf or bruising. If they think she’s been SA then they will suggest a kit to confirm the SA. 2) go to the court house and request Emergency Temp order and a PO. And ask for aGAL. Honestly don’t wait any longer bc if you do then the question will come up as “ well why did you wait so long if your concerned”
So as one momma to another start making moves and protect your baby.
God bless you and your family!
Believe her i tried to tell my mum and she didn’t believe me and now I don’t have a good relationship with her, she is still with the person who did it. I don’t think she’d lie about that, I lost my whole family because of it not one of them will talk to me because they think I lied.
You should have had an exam done as soon as she was showing signs and said it was her dad. The hospital would have done an exam then called the police and cps for you. I hope you can still do something with this much time passed and evidence lost. You need a new attorney and start gathering evidence ASAP!
Was an investigation done? I know a girl who acused her father of sexual abuse because he grounded her from video games. Then later accused her step dad of sexual abuse because she “didnt like him” she could have potentially ruined both of their lives.
Not saying your child is lying but these things do happen. If your gut is telling you it did happen then refuse visit due to safety concern.
Talk to your daughter and a different attorney possibly
I’d take her to the doctor and let him examine her. And definitely do not let her go back over there. But even though everybody is telling you she’s not you believe her. There is nothing worse than your own mother calling you a liar.
was she examined by a dr , how old is she
Go to the court house and get an emergency restraining order. That should stay in place until u have a court hearing.
What were the signs she was showing ?
How old is your daughter? Please believe her.
If you havent yet take her to the hospital so the hospital can do a report that shows something did happen and also if she starts doing things that are unusually for her to be doing write it down keep track of everything to make sure you have everything down so they can see it
You left out the age of the child which is an important detail.
From personal experience I went through this with my daughter. She was 2-3 years old when she was abused by her “sperm” donor.
I of course reported it, took her to have an exam, she made a statement to a social worker.
Her first social worker was young and had no business in that field of work.
She tried contacting the suspected abuser a few times. He wouldn’t speak to her at all so she closed my daughters case because she didn’t think it was valid. Even though she gave a perfect statement for her age.
Well about 8 years later the “sperm” donor abused his other daughter. Everything was reported and you know what a better case worker was assigned. And because my daughter reported years ago. The statements were the same. Their abuser is now in prison and has been for years.
I found out later the original social worker was fired not long after for failure to do her job. Not just on our case but numerous others as well.
Take her to the hospital tell them and have her examined
Talk to your daughter. File emergency sole custody and get a different dam attorney!
Doctor and therapist and take records of those visits to court .
My daughter’s father did molest her, there is not a doubt in my mind cps got involved she had to see several doctors and a child advocate we were in court for over a year and I was told that because she was 9 years old at the time that her testimony didn’t hold up in court and that there was evidence but not enough evidence.They terminated his parental rights and I have full custody but he never spent the first night in jail he got nothing and my daughter still struggles daily she is in counseling, she has ptsd, she is terrified to see him when we leave the house it is so awful.Always believe your child.
Better make sure you can back these horrendous accusations up with proof especially if you are involved in a custody dispute. Have a friend that lost custody because of false accusations against the dad that was proven to be made up.
has she had a rape kit done I know its not what you wanna here but that will be eveadance with out it it will be hard to prove did she give u any details about what happened that she wouldn’t know also take her to therapy and you can request a different worker and fit gets closed you can reopen or ask for someone else dont stop until they listen
Always believe your child, I wish mine believed me and she still doesn’t and I am now 27
I would say, was there a Dr involved to prove nothing happened or something did happen???. But did she say something happened, or did you say to her did dad touch you???And then add your lawyer who you say is hard to get a hold with.
Please believe her… and at the first sign you should have taken her to the hospital (not to be rude, maybe it didn’t cross your mind then, but now you know.) I would still take her immediately to get examined. Find a new lawyer who cares, and file a temporary restraining order against him until your lawyer can gather a case. Also be sure to find your daughter a therapist asap.
I recommend finding a victim advocate who may specialize in sexual crimes on kids. They may have additional resources or referrals for drs, legal help, counseling and can help talk to your child.
Get a therapist ASAP that is truama informed and licensed. If your daughter is talking about it, take her to the police and file a police report but do not speak for her or be there with her when she talks to the cops. Let do the report on her own. No one will want to believe you, but always believe the child.
Did you take her for a full exam at her doctors so that you have their written proof so that you can submit it as well as finding a Councilor ASAP
It’s not like his going to confuse …I’d believe her…
File for an emergency order protection
First you hire someone to make the dad disappear . Then you and your child move to a new place and start over and start her journey to healing.
This has the potential to follow her into adulthood, if the abuse is real the future ramifications are certain, if somehow the authorities are right and it didnt occur then she created a false construct and thats certain to be driven by some underlying problem that you need to find, protect her from this situation until you get to the bottom of it
Kids don’t lie about that type of shit. Get a new attorney.
This is so close to my step daughters situation it makes me cringe. If you don’t mind me asking what state you are in. I’m in Michigan and every part of the system failed my step daughter! Law enforcement, cps, medical, therapist and judge failed her completely. The wriffling effects this has had on her has been such a complete mess.
Get a lawyer and keep documenting EVERYTHING! I just had to fight this with my ex husband. I finally got them away. Good luck honey! I feel your frustration.
My husband and I are going through something similar with my eight year old. She hasn’t came out and said anything but there are tell tale signs that something happened when we lived with her dad when she was two. I have her scheduled for therapy and rn that’s the best I can do. Her doctor is working with us on what we can do legally rn without anything else to go from.
Good luck my boys were 2 and 3 accused their father of it he’s still walking free. I haven’t allowed nor has he contacted to see them since they are now 7 and 8. Please fight for her.
Get her examined by doctor after reports to u get proof . And gofrom there . And when goes to dad’s if still does write time of drop of pick up dates,anything said to u in a note book trust me and anyone else who says this to u .and if comes down to when visiting dad see if u can get supervised visits.
All I can say is please believe and fight for your daughter. Get a restraining order.
Believe me sexual abuse, rape, incest follows you for a life time. My brothers and sister too. Just lost my little brother. He was 76. We talked about it. At the hands of our father. I always wonder how a father could do that to his children.
Definitely start taking her to therapy since it was unfounded by cps. If the therapist says something happened to her then let the therapist report it, too.
Get a new legal eagle
Take her to the ER for a forensic evaluation. They have people who specialize in these exams and they can almost always tell if there’s abuse.
And keep reporting him. Every time they close the case, have them open another. They’ll get sick of you and get off their asses.
Er… visit… like… yesterday…
Definitely believe her I’m currently dealing with a similar situation so currently if you need a friend pm me
Take her to get checked by a dr
Take him out back and end it.
Depending on how old she is, have her hide a camera in the room where the abuse normally happens. There are plenty of small hidden camera type devices, some even look like toys.
No contact and new attorney. My kids come first no matter what. Go with your child and your instinct. She needs to talk to a forensic interviewer and they are the ones who know the truth. (Nine times out of ten).
Did you take her to the pediatrician? They can often times tell
Anything has occurred
Get a new lawyer … where u located ?? I know a great lawyer who is located in Hamilton she is awesome and is family court lawyer
I would put a hidden camera in a stuffed animal and have her take it with her
Sexual abuse is not always penetration guys. He could be leading up to that by doing other things to her. But yes, if she says there was, then a doctor can validate that. Hire an attorney that cares, keep trying and keep pushing. If she doesn’t have one already, and no matter her age at this point, I would get her a cell phone if you don’t have time to get anything done legally before the first visit. Tell her to call 911 if she even thinks he’s gonna try anything. I bet they take it a lot more serious getting a call straight from her!
How old is she? At a certain age un different states the child can choose not to go with the other parent or not. Were you guys assigned a CASA basically a child advocate that reports to the judge after interacting with the child and both parents. Have a physical exam done and take her to a counselor and if they think it’s true then file another report until they do something about it. Don’t give in and give up on your daughter. Don’t send her if she doesn’t feel comfortable going period!
To everyone saying take her to forensic evaluation, I’m sure if police and cps is involved they’ve already seen one and there was no physical evidence. Been in this situation before. Do whatever you have to do to keep the abuser away from your child.
If your attorney is hard to reach,you need a new attorney!! He doesn’t seem worried about security abuse of your daughter? Really?? Take her to the er & have her evaluated.
So sorry she & you are going through this!!