How do I stop thinking about women?

I am bi and my husband knows I am as I was married to a woman before. I love my husband so much but find myself wanting attention from women. I cheated on him with a woman about 6 months ago and came clean. He forgave me but I know it bugs him. I just can't get those feelings to go away. I have talked to him about having an open relationship and he says he doesn't want to share. I don't really want to share him either. I think I struggle because sex with a woman is so much different. I give him pointers but he is still totally lost. I don't want to lose him but I feel like the attraction is gone and I don't really enjoy myself when we have sex. I don't want to hurt him. He really is an amazing man. What do I do? How do I stop thinking about women and like shut off that desire?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I stop thinking about women?

If he’s getting mad about you being with other women I really think you should dump him. He’s probably gay anyway

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If you cannot control your urges for women and you cannot stay faithful, love is not enough. You won’t be happy and he won’t be happy. Divorce and keep a friendship. It really isn’t fair to him.

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Sounds like he deserves someone better who won’t be unfaithful.

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I say if he’s not open to u both having a threesome with one woman than divorce is best for the both of u. Let him go and find someone that wants him. N u do the same life is to short to live unhappy

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Maybe ask him if u can bring a woman to the bed…he might like that…

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It might hurt him but it also selfish not to tell him. Let him go and find someone who will love him and u find someone your happy with if he’s not happy bringing a woman in

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Perhaps you’re more gay than bi?

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It sounds to me like you’re polyamorous and maybe he’s not. I think you should have a conversation with him about it, decide if you can live with being monogamous and faithful to him. If you can’t be happy not straying, it’s kinder to end the relationship.

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Are you sure you’re Bi , sounds like you 100% prefer a woman . Not every man is into threesomes and want to share their partners either . You’re not attracted so no sense in staying . I would leave and let him find someone else .

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Set him free so you both can find someone to make each of you happy. He doesn’t want to share and he’s not what you want.

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Sounds like this situation isn’t fair to either of you. :frowning: I’d rather someone love me the way I want to be loved then force it

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You don’t want to lose or hurt your husband? Seriously??? You did that when you made the conscious decision to cheat on him. Let him go so he can find someone that will actually love him.

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He’s being hurt, you’re not happy and it is to the point you are unfaithful…Sounds like it is time you REALLY step back and figure out what you TRULY want. Wanting a woman isn’t something you can “turn off” especially when you don’t even find your spouse desirable anymore. It maybe time to leave him and go find someone you feel fulfilling. That way you don’t keep hurting him or stay unhappy yourself.

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Follow your heart and feelings . Made that decision 22 years ago . Best thing I ever did

You need to have that conversation with him because it’s not fair to you or him to stay in a relationship that’s not pleasing

Are you opposed to going to therapy with him? Otherwise, if you can’t control yourself, then be single. He deserves a faithful wife, and you deserve to live your life in the happiest way—which sounds like with another woman.

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Well I’m bisexual too, but it doesn’t mean I’m a cheater, first and foremost learn to be faithful! Because it sounds like you used your bisexuality as an excuse to cheater on your husband, and u can’t just “turn off your feelings” your bisexual, you already knew you like women and men, and u already knew the sex was gonna be different surely. What you need is to figure yourself out and work on yourself. And find out if you should continue this marriage or let your husband go and be happy with someone he deserves.

…sounds like you’re a lesbian and not bi. I’m bi but since I’m also happy with my husband, I’m not constantly thinking about women.

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What you actually want is someone to give you the physical attention with the sole desire being your satisfaction.
:coffee::frog:
Tell that to your husband and don’t worry about his feelings - they’re his responsibility. Just like it’s yours to meet your own needs, either speak up or break up - you cannot and should not try to “shut off” your desire to be desired and pleased.
:green_heart::v:t3:

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Leave him and go find you a woman.

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Sounds like you should let him go if you truly love him. That’s not fair to him to not be desired the way you desire women. He deserves to be happy too. You cheated once already and I’m sure it won’t be the last. You said you don’t want to share him, but it’s ok for him to have to share you?

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If not hurting your husband was important to you, you would have never made the decision to cheat on him. You’re an adult and capable of controlling your actions. You know right from wrong.

He has apparently made it clear that he doesn’t want an open relationship and he doesn’t want to share his wife, which is absolutely his choice, that you agreed to when you married him. If you want to sleep with random men and women, let him go so that he can find someone who he, alone, is enough for.

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:rofl::rofl:… stop going online looking for reasons :woman_shrugging:

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Let the poor guy go find happiness. It’s sounds like you know what you really want and he ain’t it.

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Why get married u playing this poor guy, shame on u

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You just can’t stop feeling and the think . You may love your man and ever think but some time you have to be true to you . If your not happy and you all show it . Find some one your true in love with . Your husband will understand in time . If you true love your husband let him go . Do not have unhappy life to make some one happy.

You already cheated on him and are still desiring someone else. If you loved him whole heartedly you wouldn’t want anyone else. To stay with him when your heart is not in it is cruel.

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Take sex off the table for yourself.

Stop making sex such a huge part of the relationship and fall in love with him not how well he is at sex… just my opinion… passion would be better too

Okay so you like women. He likes women. Maybe 3 somes? Or involve other women in your sex life with your husband. I went through a phase similar to this. Bisexual, been with the same man for years and suddenly got a massive urge to be with women sexually. A few 3 somes later I got t out of my system, hubby was happy I was happy. And still going strong a few years later.

Ugh, why did you get married??? Like what is wrong with people…:sob::sob:

You’ve cheated on him and still want someone else… like, let that man go and be happy.:raised_hands::raised_hands:

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I think it sounds like you love him but are not in love with him, time to let him move on because it’s not fair to him.

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A healthy relationship is when two people grow together. If your path is leading you elsewhere then find someone who is more compatible. As for wanting an open relationship for yourself but not allowing your partner the same freedom to explore, that’s not fair for them so you need to either be ok with all that comes with it, or stick to a monogamous one.

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I’ve been there. Trust me, it doesn’t go away. It’s part of who you are. It’s like those old school parents that want to " compel the gay away " it just don’t work. Bc its not a choice of who you’re attracted to or want to be with. Don’t try and change who you are. Instead be honest about what you want in your life. Your husband might just be your bestfriend and only your bestfriend. But you have to come to that conclusion on your own.
It’s not okay for you to ask him to share you. Bc for him you are his only one. Eventually he’ll move on but you have to figure out how’d you feel seeing him with another woman if you choose to follow your heart and leave.
Best of luck and positive vibes.

  • a bi woman who likes women more than men but chose to spend my life with a man :black_heart:
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Let him find someone who will love him like he should be loved,
You guys will never be happy

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You should just leave him and let him find someone that’s going to make him happy. You both deserve better. It’s honestly selfish to hold onto him when you want to keep cheating on him. Just cut your losses and date women.

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Not only are you playing him, but you’re playing yourself. Go find someone who makes you happy, it isn’t going to magically be him tomorrow. He’ll find someone who is a better fit for him as well and you will both be happier in the long run if you just let it go. Goodluck

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Put less work into what you think you want and need, and more of that energy and work into your current relationship, specifically in being what your HUSBAND needs in a wife. Relationships go BOTH ways. You get what you put in. If you’re over here obsessing over how you crave female attention, where does that leave room for your husband? The thought of you doing anything to please your husband and thinking about his needs above your own probably hasn’t even crossed your mind. You can’t expect to be the only one pleased in your intimacy if you couldn’t care less about what he likes, needs, and wants. YOU can start by learning how to communicate through your issues. If communicating your needs makes you uncomfortable and ready to quit and dip and look elsewhere, he’s not the problem. YOU are. Men don’t communicate the same way women do. But so what? You’re married. You made a commitment to your husband, which you’ve already broken at least once. Are you gonna just go find someone else every time an issue pops up in your relationship? No one is ever gonna stay with someone like that forever. Or maybe that’s your issue. You are looking too short term instant gratification rather than the long game. Short term instant gratification is just that. Short term. You’ll still be at this exact spot, wondering why you’re not happy. Only your husband won’t be with you and you’ll still be alone. I think you may need to start some deep soul searching, get real, and understand what went wrong in your previous relationships. Whether with your current husband, your previous wife, your last affair, the next girl, guy, whoever, it doesn’t matter. The common denominator here is still you. If you’re not willing to work on you, and in turn your current relationship, then you should divorce your husband and stay SINGLE. He deserves better. He needs a partner who can tell him what she needs with honesty and kindness, AND patience. How will he ever learn if you dont even tell him, or correct him if it still isn’t right? The reason sex with a woman is different is the exact reason you’re not happy. A woman has a woman’s body. A man does not. Of course SHE will know, because we all live it daily. A man doesn’t, because he doesn’t. So you tried to tell him once, and it wasn’t up to your perfect standards? Sounds to me like you’re not being patient. You have to keep teaching, and work through it. Did you learn to ride a bike after being shown once? Probably not. You worked at it until you got it right. DO. THE. WORK. If you’re not willing to do the work, you’re not relationship material, let alone marriage material. All good things take time to build and mature. There is no relationship that is instantaneously perfect. You have to build the foundation before you build the house. Otherwise the house crumbles. Meaning, you have to do the work. Instead, you’re over here looking for a quick fix to your unhappiness. How far is that getting you, right now? You’re still unhappy! The grass always looks greener on the other side. Choose your side and stick with it. Looking at your husband as a roadblock to getting whatever you think it is you want, not a partner. That’ll be the end of your relationship pretty quickly, if you continue to think and act that way. Especially when he’s forgiven you for cheating and trying to move forward, and that takes time. You are being selfish while he’s been nothing but selfless. Do you see the difference? Be selfLESS, your relationship and entire life can change, just by shifting your perspective. The most destroying and damaging state you can be in in a relationship is selfish.

Instead of an open relationship yall could always talk about bringing in a third person (female)

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Sorry but if you truly loved him you wouldn’t be asking this… you’ve already gone outside your relationship and are still thinking about doing it… let him be loved by someone who will love only him the way he wants.

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Be VERY open with him about your situation

You’ve already hurt him by cheating. Seems like your more attracted to women than men. (Nothing wrong with that) but you shouldnt go and cheat. Be a woman and tell him. And leave if he’ not what you want. Just leave him alone and do him a favor and let him go. Let him go find his happiness and you go find yours.

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I would say be honest with yourself and your husband and do the right thing. He deserves to be with someone that loves him and wants to be with him. If you have already cheated and still looking you aren’t in the position to be in a relationship.

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You can’t change who you are darlin. There’s no cure to stop thinking about women. It’s who you are and how you were born. It’s not a choice that you can just turn off. You will always have that feeling. There’s no easy way for this situation. You just need to do what you feel is best for you. I came out gay at 14. Parents immediately put me back in the closet. Lived my life according to how I was told to. Married a man who abused me for 14 years. Finally got away and now engaged to the most amazing woman ever. It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of courage but I feel so so much better and able to be my true self. If you need anyone to talk to please reach out to me :heart:

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To be honest you need to leave him so he can find someone that he deserves.

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I think cheating is never okay. And he should have left you. But with that being said. You can’t help your sexuality. And it’s not your fault you have these desires. You need to let go and let your husband move on to someone that he deserves (no shade, just the truth) and fulfill your desires. We all have to be happy and content. No use to keep hurting someone or yourself. I would assume you are a great wife in all other areas. But sex is important and it’s not fair for either to be hurting in that area and sometimes it can break a marriage. If you are stepping out and still thinking about it. You should end the marriage before you really hurt someone.

Leave him and give him a chance to find someone that won’t be cheating on him.

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I’d say your a lesbian but you love your husband for the good man he is. Once you cheat you’ve ruined everything and shown you don’t love him. You need to leave and find a woman that you won’t cheat on and will satisfy you.

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Your husband should have left U when U cheated. Just leave him !
He deserves better than U anyway.
U are so selfish!

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If the attraction is really gone, you need to consider other options. You both deserve partners who want to be with you.

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You sound full Lesbian…not Bisexual. Follow your heart.

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You have to make a choice! You either want to be with him OR a female. Stop being selfish😡 If you can’t commit to ONE then stop getting into serious relationships/marriages. Go back to just “dating” so you can continue being with both whenever you want.
Give this man a walking pass so he can go find someone who really loves him .

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Be honest. Get divorced and do NOT get married again until you are absolutely certain what you want from the other person. Sex is not the be all end all in relationships but you seem very fixated on that aspect. I would maybe seek out a therapist to help you find insight on why you willing to ruin a relationship for attention from other people- what are you missing or think you are missing out on that you could cheat / harm another person for pleasure that you could try to enjoy with a committed relationship. Relationships and commitment are work and if you don’t want that and what they represent you need to be honest and not hurt yourself or anyone else. You are the only one who knows what you really want.

Monogamy is weird and not for everyone is there is nothing wrong with that. You’ll make yourself and your partner miserable trying to force something that isnt natural for you

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I don’t think you want to be married to him. That’s ok. If it’s not what you want, as you stated, let him go be with someone who loves him and wants him.
Then, you go find what you’re looking for.

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You seem more interested in women, which is fine. You can’t turn off who you really are. Doesn’t mean you love your husband any less.

be fair to your spouse, if you can’t stay faithful then you need to tell him that he deserves better, to be with someone loyal. Get divorced and part your separate ways

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Mabye some therapy will help

Leave him and give both yourselves the chance at happiness. Good luck to the two of you.

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Tbh you sound more lesbian than bi. I’m bi and though I love me some women, I couldn’t give up my man. So I’m poly and we’re open to that. As he’s not then you need to let him go. I’d been gone when you cheated…that was so wrong.

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Unfortunately neither of you will be happy in the relationship you’re in now. Would be best to part ways before there’s too much animosity.

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If committing to one person isn’t for you, then that’s okay but when you get married you chose to commit to only him. There is zero reason to make him feel like he should be in an open relationship, when you married him vowing to be committed to only him. He’s doing what he’s supposed to. It’s okay if it’s not for you, I’d get out of the marriage & let him find someone who desires to be in an actual marriage, the kind he signed up for. It’s not fair… You both deserve to be happy but don’t hurt him further in the process for your own needs.

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Get out now dont waste time you cant get back

Why did you marry him then in first place. Just leave him do him a favour

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Well you’re already hurting him! Should have thought about that 6 months ago. Honestly go to therapy or leave. I truly believe those are your only options. Either you need to learn to be happy with just him, figure out if you’re poly, or maybe a therapist can help him wrap his mind around you going home with a lady of the evening. Either way a professional is needed, you’ve got some soul searching to do, and your husband needs to figure out how hard or soft his boundaries are. Your marriage is 100% threatened right now. Y’all have to decide how much it means to you before you’ve wasted too much of each other’s time.

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If he is an amazing person,he doesn’t deserve to be hurt. If he isn’t the one you want to be fully committed to ,he deserves to know and leave him before he gets hurt anymore . Best wishes

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Get a hobby, take some classes, fill up that time & physicality with something that’s more interesting than cheating. Develop yourself, evolve.

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I had the same feelings with an ex of mine. Honestly they never went away… I never cheated (im not shaming you for that.) but it was a struggle. I ended up leaving him because I was no longer attracted to him and craved attention from women. Those saying you sound more lesbian than bi are wrong. Being with a woman doesn’t make you a lesbian. Just like being with a man doesn’t make you straight. If you feel stronger towards women than men, but still are attracted to men, then thats cool. It can also be reversed. I suggest follow your heart. If you’re no longer into your man, then I’d leave.

I was the same spice up ur sex life and those urges will go away I’m bisexual but my husband doesn’t care if i be with other women we been together for 12 yrs only been w one other woman really don’t have any interest in bein w anyone else

Sounds like your lesbian & selfish.
Let him since you cheat on him, are not attracted & don’t enjoy the sex. Let another women love & appreciate him. He must support you financially since you seem to just need him more then want him

Maybe get you both a girlfriend? I am same way…in a sense. We are starting to date someone and see how it goes. Im more into men,but i am really attracted to women as well. Hubby is all on board with it. Lol. Male fantasy of more than one woman so what man wouldnt be? Have your cake and eat it to without breaking up your family. Dont want to share him,but ok with losing him doesnt make sense. Has to be one or the other. If that doesnt work…then leave him. Maybe you are more into women than men and just need to be with a woman if that doesnt work.

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You already hurt him by cheating on him :woman_facepalming:

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You need to be honest with yourself and what you want. If you are going to cheat then you should give your partner the respect by being honest and leaving. I do not believe a relationship can continue healthily after cheating occurs. I’ve been on both ends and I can tell you from experience it’s best to end it here. It’s clear he cannot give you what you need. If you are so desperate for something else that you break the trust you have in your relstionship…well, maybe you shouldn’t be in it. :confused:

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Pray and get close to the Lord.

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You have already hurt him. Regardless of your sexuality you still owe your husband complete LOYALTY!!! If you cannot be loyal then be single. Let this man go so he can find someone who will love him properly.

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You both deserve happiness… be honest with him and leave. I know you said you have but the more you try to suppress what you’re really feeling and what you actually want, you BOTH suffer.
It’s not fair. It’ll be hard to see him with someone else but he deserves someone who can be the woman he needs and you deserve someone who can fulfill your needs. Love doesn’t always last forever, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t real. Sometimes we’re just not compatible and that’s okay. It might be hurtful but it’s okay.

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You are too immature to be with someone, a relationship requires complete unselfishness and you are too young to provide that.

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You are a woman. Fuck yourself in the mirror. Don’t cheat.

I completely understand. I was there too. I am now married to a woman and have been with her for almost 8 yrs. My ex husband lives with us and we’re in a polyamory relationship. Being intimate with a woman is more intense. You may consider yourself bisexual but I’d say you’re more gay then bi. Be honest with him and figure out what you want more. A relationship with someone you’re not really attracted to anymore or be with someone you want to actually be with…he deserves that and so don’t you.

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Leave him. He deserves better then you. Youv cheated before and from the way you talk, you probably will again. Let him find someone who wont cheat or ask for an open relationship as an excuse to sleep with someone else.

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Welll if you don’t want to share him, he doesn’t want to share you, and you’ve already cheated and are still feeling a way then I wouldn’t stay. Just because you cheated with another woman doesn’t make it any less painful. If you can’t stay loyal to the person you’ve chosen, let him go.

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You don’t deserve him. Let him go! Let him find happiness! You already cheated once and admit you can’t stop thinking about another person (doesn’t matter if the person is male or female)

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Cheater cheater pumpkin eater ! They never change . Let him go stop being selfish . Lots of other good woman are looking for good men . At this point it’s narcissistic love .

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Being bi is no excuse to cheat, no different to him fancying the barmaid an sleeping with her !!!

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Put yourself in his shoes, if he had cheated on you with the same sex…And then stated he wanted an open marriage…
You would most like feel defeated, and very much threatened that he wanted and “needs” something you can’t provide.

Please let that man go.
No one deserves to feel like they aren’t enough. And you deserve to be happy and healthy as well.

If you’re already thinking about it & have cheated on him. You might as well just leave & stop hurting him.

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Yuck imagine if someone made this post about another man instead of a women??? Totally NOT ok. You’re being completely selfish. If you wanna sleep with other people Then leave and let this poor man find someone who actually loves him. Life is too short!

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I completely understand !

You’ve already cheated on him. Poor guy.

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Have you ever spoke to him about a 3way? That could help with your needs and desires. Sex is completely different with a woman then it is with a man.

Would he be open to having a wife and gf that you both share

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You can’t shut it off don’t deny your body what it wants you already cheated on him because of denying what you truly want. It’s time to let him go as much as you may love him you’ve tried to work it out asking if he will have a open relationship with you. time to leave him alone for someone else who can stay committed and who truly wants him.

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You need to set him free. You will cheat again…no doubt.

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Your asking a question that millions of people have asked in desperation throughout history, “how can I change my biology and desires”? you come up with the answer to that dilemma and you’ll not only win the Nobel Prize for science but you’ll be a billionaire for your efforts

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Why is everyone attacking her ? I hope you all are perfect wives …. I’d say sit down have a open deep discussion about what your wants & needs are & if it doesn’t suite him then go your separate ways , these feelings will not go away on their own …

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Lmao… lots of triggered folks in these comments that are just responsing emotionally. Try to sort through the personal attacks and read through some of the genuine good advice here.

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it ain’t gay if it’s a 3-way lol

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Leave him.
It sounds to me like you’re more into females… Maybe you’re a lesbian

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