A few months ago, my SIL came down for a visit. She lives in another state from my husband and me. Long story short, when my husband wasn’t around, she was very rude to me. Some examples are like excluding me from conversations, rude comments, etc. I didn’t say anything to my husband since he doesn’t see his sister often. Fast forward to now; he wants to go up there to see her this summer. Obviously, I don’t want to go, but I don’t want to bring up his sister’s behavior a few months ago. What should I do?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I talk to my husband about his sisters comments toward me?
Just be honest, how hard is that.
Be honest …n dnt make yourself suffer for familial bonds it’s not worth it
Communicate with your partner
Be honest and communicate. You aren’t obligated to visit his family every time.
Honesty is best…let him know she hurt you and you don’t want to see her.
Tell him WHY you didn’t bring it up then and WHY you’re bringing it up now and why it bothers u.
I’d be honest with him, and if this was a one time thing, maybe give her one more chance. She may have been going through something personally and having a rough time.
Treat her just as rudely as she did u in her own home
Tell him and tell her to watch it.
Communicate with him. He can’t read your mind.
Tell him. I would have laid her soul to rest when it happened. If she said something to me when she was in my house I would told her she could leave. I would have held the door open for her. Don’t freaking take shit from people like that get right back on them, they’ll keep on or shut up either my mouth would be running too.
Explain to him what happened and why you will be uncomfortable going.
If you decide to go, make sure your husband doesn’t leave you alone with her, and if he does, record her.
People like her always deny doing anything wrong.
It depends on what she said without any contacts it’s hard to give advice
Be honest with your husband and let him now how she acted to you when he wasn’t around and that you don’t want to go. Communication is needed in this kind of thing, so you have to talk about it
Communication is very very important in a relationship, if you feel like you can’t be honest with him it’s not healthy
Tell him how she was and that’s why you don’t want to go. He can go. Bring it up to her as well… explain how it made you feel. If she doesn’t see that she hurt your feelings then don’t deal with her. You DO NOT have to put up with disrespectful behavior just because it’s his family. Avoiding her without telling her why will only make the situation worse over time. At least she will know why your distant or not attending etc.
Bring it up. Why wouldn’t you? You should be comfortable talking to him. Be factual and calm. If he gets mad that’s on him. Protect yourself.
Communication is everything.
Let him go there and you go on your own vacation.
Put her in her place!
I’d have said something to the sister in law. If he wasn’t even there how can he really judge the situation. Family can be so important to some people so don’t expect him to pick side or say something when he wasn’t around. Go up there and if she makes you uncomfortable agin call her out for it.
Tell him go by himself and you needed a rest lol. Leave it at that lol
he can go. But if i was in that position, i’d just stay home.
Talk to him about it.
I would talk to him & if he doesn’t react and take action accordingly , I wouldn’t go . You shouldn’t go if your uncomfortable
Doesn’t matter how often they see each other its not ok for her to be like that. Tell him what happen
Don’t go if you’re uncomfortable.
Tell him what happened and then pull her card in front of him. This is not hard
Honesty about the situation. And if you do go make it a requirement that he doesn’t leave you alone with her. And if she’s saying crappy stuff repeat it as a question to your husband. “Husband your sister is saying my outfit is slutty, what do you think?” Seriously rephrase every crap thing she says so that he knows she said and she knows you aren’t going to hide her behavior.
Just say I’ll stay home you can go, when he asks why tell him.
“I don’t want to go she’s rude to me when you’re not around it makes me uncomfortable let’s get a hotel room instead so we can leave if we need to”
Tell him … that’s your husband and stay home
You should tell him should have told him before when it happened and don’t go let him go you take you a little trip
Lord this why nobody likes me I believe in returning energy
Can you go and not stay with her? Can you go to the big family events with but otherwise do your own thing, like sightseeing or relaxing in a hotel & reading?
I would have handled it myself at the very first snide remark. Stick up for yourself, why make him do it?
Tell him. Even though thats his sister he shouldn’t side with her. Y’all are married, he’s suppose to defend you not agree with the other side. As far as the SIL, she wouldn’t get any slack. I’d go and treat her accordingly. I don’t play with my BIL or SIL. Be straight with her
As soon as you treat people the way they treat you, you’re the bad guy, which is why I’m so well liked
Stand up for yourself and call the sister out next time she’s a jerk to you.
I have a sil out of state too well my mil passed away of course she came down n made me feel like I wasn’t family of course I took my mom n law in a few times 2 years at a time till she got on my nerves then I got out of that situation.cuz her 3 daughters " had" their own lives coming from them anyhow then she died n all of sudden I wasn’t family anymore.but she tried txting if it was 9k to come by our house yo visit her brother ( my husband ) I told her she was stupid n no she wasn’t welcome at my house.as far as him I told him if u do wana see her u can do it at a park or wherever.but he also declined txting her bck.thonhe wasn’t happy with the way she was crying like she even cared bout her mom dying.she shud of cards wen she was alive he even said that …screw her n if ur in my goes even after u tell him I ur not going I’d kick him to curb too 🤷he’s married to u not his sister.soeey but that’s how I see that
Be honest and tell him. Communication is important.
If he wants to see his sister then he should be able too but you have a say on what you personally do or any children you share do. Speak to your husband. Let him know what all happened and tell him you are not comfortable going. If he goes without you then no big deal. It will give him to time to visit a close family member and speak about the issues that happened with you.
Calmly bring them up to him. Go. Stay nice. And tell him if it happens again so he can address it. If he won’t. You do.
Give what you get. Then if she has a problem with it then you can talk it out like adults
Honesty is the best policy. Even though the conversation may be awkward, it is better to be tactful and honest than find yourself trapped in a lie.
Be the bigger person and set things right or at the very least try, tell husband the whole situation and if she doesn’t want to be on the same page and not be adult enough to talk to you personally/in person about things then you and your husband can go from there and make a choice together on how to handle future get together etc. Open communication is best with and for everyone not just husband and wife. I hope things work out. I, a few years back had an issue with my stepsons now fiance and I was the one who didn’t agree with the situation but after our granddaughter was born I wanted to sit down and truly talk and apologize for my behavior and being intrusive because I didn’t want to ruin our relationship with stepson and any relationship we’d have with granddaughter and to better future daughter in law and my relationship, which we did because I took it upon myself to be the bigger person and apologize first because honestly during the pregnancy she was not a nice person to anyone, not just because her hormones were all over the map. We all have a great relationship now (granddaughter will be 3 8 days before I turn 34 next month) they’ve been together since he was 16 he’s almost 21 she’s 28 (age was the issue). No one listens to the stepmom most of the time so the situation just happened because no one wanted to listen to dad either. Their moms didn’t care at all about the age gap. I’m just happy we are all good now because I took the time to have an open honest conversation with her and apologize for my actions. Husband and bio mom are 40 and bio moms husband is mid 60s, future daughter in laws mom is in her mid to late 50s.
Be honest and tell him. My SIL is an A-HOLE and will fight with me and my family and disrespect my mum. I tell my brother. Don’t let her do that to you. She’s trying to bully you, stamp her authority. Put the mole in her place.
Just tell him how awful she is to you when he is not around " I would not visit anyone who treated me bad & I’m sure if the boot was on the other foot he would be quick to tell you
She would only have been able to do that to me once. I dont tolerate that.
Call her out on her behavior. You don’t have to take her crap EVER!! People only mess with people they think are weak and who won’t speak up. Go Getter girl
Why didn’t you tell him? My man and I tell eachother everything. You guys need to work on communication.
Maybe say something like it might be a good time to have a visit and spend time with her alone maybe she wants to talk to you about family stuff. Let him know that she acted like she wanted to spend time with just him and you don’t want to feel uncomfortable.
You teach people how to treat you…stand up for yourself!
Tell her get some manners treat you with respect whilst she’s in your house, or get the fuck out, your house your rules
you should have said something
The answer is obvious.
Tell your husband, same way u confide/vent to your friends do it to your husband. I’m sure he’ll be more understanding than you think
Go and address the issue with her directly
Tell your husband and stay in a hotel
I would go try to forgive and forget but if it happened again I would point it out to my husband in real time. Bringing up something that happened weeks or months ago now is not going to go well for you now, so put it behind you but if it happens again call it out right then
I’d be straight up. Tell him then tell him why.
Tell him about the behavior. Ask him to go alone
You just tell him that you didn’t bring it up before because you didn’t want to talk poorly about a sister and you care about it and their relationship, but she was pretty crappy to you. That you’re willing to go forward and try this vacation but if she’s crappy to you next time you won’t take it and he needs to know that. That way you forewarned him that if she talks to you poorly next time you’re going to talk right back.
Yeah call her out.
You can’t really tell him without proof bc thats his sister and it’s natural for him to defend her.
But you definitely shouldn’t be uncomfortable at all and its wrong af for her to be disrespecting you.
I’d tell em he could go and visit, but I wasn’t cause she was an a wad last time so you would benefit from staying home
My MIL, has nasty behavior. Rude comments, controlling, jealousy behavior, manipulates my husband when she doesn’t get her way. Degrades my son, me always has something negative to say. She is not welcome here again. We will never go there again. If we do, I will stay in a hotel, my husband can go stay with her. My son and I will not even visit her. She is pure toxicity, someone who I don’t even know how anyone could be friends with. I can’t ask my husband not to speak to her again cause that’s his mom. But what she did this last visit at my own home, what this women insinuated about my son I could care less if I ever seen or spoke to her again.
Don’t go but she may be his sister, but you’re an adult. Deal with her directly.
I’d give her another chance but keep close to your husband. If she starts in again I’d never go back. Things might be different this time
Come straight out an say it. Should have said something to begin with when she was nasty the first time.
My take is different. It’s called reverse psychology. Simply pretend you didn’t see or hear a thing. Insist on taking a dish to pass, some wine and maybe a beautiful plant. Kill her with absolute kindness, smile alot, offer to help etc. If she is a true asshole she will boil inside. If she’s not she will see you in a whole different light and treat you better. Either way- your brother will notice. I promise!
Always be honest, there’s a way to go about every situation. Just don’t be nasty about but definitely tell him how you feel.
Even if he may not understand, at least you spoke about it.
Now it’s a touchy situation because that IS his family but the sooner you accept that not everyone in life is going to vibe and connect with you, the easier it’ll be.
All in all sometimes we are just different. Doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person… Family or not, sometimes people just don’t click.
When he brings up going to visit her, just flat out tell him why you don’t want to go.
But he shouldn’t have to defend you to his sister, or anyone else. Stand up for yourself. Speak up for yourself. Don’t let ANYONE, especially family, talk down to you, ESPECIALLY in your own home!
I would tell your husband exactly what your SIL said and your feelings about this planned visit.
Tell him you’re willing to give her another chance. But if she is rude this time you’re going to tell her like it is and he better be okay with it.
Don’t tolerate BS from someone who isn’t relevant in your life, and your husband better step up & call his sister out on her BS if something happens again.
Id suck it up and go.life is to short to hold grudges and her actions shouldnt reflect yours.
From someone who dealt with this kind of behaviour for years definitely let him know what happened and how it made you feel but still go see them and if it happens again let him know if he doesn’t have your back put your ph on record anytime you’re alone with her and play it for him. Good luck though people don’t change and for me it only got worse it was awful to go through especially not having done anything wrong to them!
They say ( honesty is the best policy) !,
Let him go without you
Put her ass on blast
You need to speak up for yourself. I’ll be damned if I’ll let ANYONE come into my home and disrespect me. In laws or not, IDGAF. You should’ve checked her a** the first time she disrespected you. If you don’t want to go, don’t go and tell him why you don’t want to go.
Tell him go visit as much as he wants too, learned this lesson a longgggg time ago, if someone has feelings toward you that is their problem, you can’t change them but they sure can ask for favors when their needs arise, send him!
Always be honest. Tell him how you feel. No need to go somewhere you’re not wanted or have to put up with her rude self. I say let him go and just stay home…but be honest.
Stay I a hotel that way you have a safe space
Record it and n your phone otherwise it’s your word against hers. Tell him but have evidence
Speak up. Things will never get better if you dont
Record her next time !!! Play back for your hubby … remember this … when she’s Rude to you tell her … oh honey I forgive you & your behavior Issues… you must Really not like yourself ? You can never STEAL MY JOY …. Nice try sweetheart … NOT GONNA WORK …. I AM MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE… your Brother & I will PRAY for you. Lol … she’s Creepazoid … lol GO & show her she can’t possibly win or destroy any part of you
what was said that was so rude ??? Maybe you are being too sensitive — but cannot tell from what little you said . just go and try not to be so vulnerable . get a backbone nd speak up if you feel she’s being rude
I fight fire with fire. If someone treats me with disrespect, guaranteed I shall return the same treatment and I would suggest doing the same to her as she does to you. By tackling the situation head on between the two of you, it keeps your husband out of it, being in the middle and feeling awkward. If the situation continues and the SIL does not back off, then take it further. Go visit, see how the treatment is towards you, if disrespectful, hopefully your husband will pick up the vibes and ask what is going on. On your return home, say it is the first and last time you shall be visiting the SIL and he more than welcome to visit his sister when ever he wants to. Good luck to you .
Be honest and put her in her place next time she’s around… having dealt with this from ALL my in-laws I stood up for myself from the start to show them it won’t be tolerated… YOU teach people how to treat YOU…
You need to he honest and let him know she was rude and you don’t have a desire to see her for the summer.
Whenever my husband’s family would act up, I would tell him. You should tell him and express your uneasy feelings about his sister.
tell him the truth and send hom alone to visit her.
You need to tell him how she treated you!!! Hells nah
Firstly tell your husband. Secondly Id still go but I’d put her in her place REAL quick. You either allow the disrespect or stop it.
Tell him how it is
And he needs to pull her into line
As for his trip to go see her
Let I’m go visit her but you don’t have to go with him
Simple just tell HIM .
Tell him! His reaction will tell u everything you need to know
Tell him that’s your husband and needs to know…that is supposed to be your other half that has your back no matter what.
Call her out once she does it. Make it known you understand what she is doing and that it’s not ok. Your husband will back you up once he knows about it ( if not then walk out )
Keep a second set of keys with you and money in case you have to leave. Your husband also needs to know about what his sister said to you. Don’t allow him to brush it off either.