I have tried being nice to her and it gets me no where. How do I politely tell her to grow up and just be a decent human being while co-parenting?
My husband and I have been together for 9 years. We have a 14 yr old from my previous marriage, an 11 yr old from his previous, and a 7 yr old together. Co-parenting with my ex has never been easy, but we've always been adults and put our daughter first. My husband is active duty and we always live a good distance from my ex and our 11 yr old. All 3 of us, my ex, my current, and myself are all involved in raising my oldest, but according to my husband's ex, I'm not supposed to be involved even though I get along great with my step daughter, make all the travel arrangements to include traveling on my own to pick her on visitations states away (we pay and do all the travel with visitations), and do my best to be a "bonus mom" and not cross lines with her mom. I have never cussed or threatened the biomom, even though she has run her mouth to me and made comments like I need to know my place and made snide comments about beating my A**. We are 8 yrs apart in age and while she was in her 20's I chalked it up to immaturity, she is now in her 30's and I feels she's just being an a$$. I have never been flat out rude to her because I would never want to jeopardize my husband's relationship with his daughter but I am also tired of being treated like some temporary girlfriend. We have taken the biomom to court 3 times for contempt for withholding visitations, she has their daughter calling her dad by his first name because she says her step-dad is her "real dad" because he is there on a daily and says my husband chooses to be active duty and live far away every time we have to do a military move (even though he was active duty when they were married and had a child and she herself has had to move multiple times due to military moving), she is always flat out rude when speaking through text or calls and will flat out ignore me. I'm tired of walking on eggshells with this female. The latest was sending updated flight information picking up our daughter on a scheduled visit where I will be the one traveling to get her and it's even in the divorce decree that whoever is traveling, my husband or myself to discuss the schedule with her so we are all on the same page. We always have to send the info twice because she never confirms she has the info and then asks for it again later claiming she never got it, even though we can see when she opens the messages through text showing as READ. We always have to have confirmation per our lawyer so if she's late for dropping her off at the airport or doesn't show, we can ask for money from her for having to change flights to a later one, or ask to be reimbursed for the flight if she's a no show..while taking her to court yet again for contempt of withholding visitation. When asked this time to confirm she received the updated flights with myself or with my husband, she simply sent a thumbs up sign to my husband, even though I sent the info. He asked her if that meant she recieved the info, and sent it again. When asked to clarify yes or no since thumbs up with no context would not hold up in court as verification for anything, she said sure. That was followed by a paragraph of how she's too busy to be doing this and if he wanted a confirmation then the info needs to be sent from his phone, not his wife's phone(she never uses my name, I'm always "your wife) Why does this chic feel the need to close out of my message, open a new one to text him a symbol, and then simply cannot type a 3 letter word to confirm her daughter's schedule?
103 Likes
Tell her: "I am politely telling you to grow up and be a decent human being while I’m trying to help my husband co-parent with you being a deliberately difficult person.
Whether you like it or not, I am your daughter’s step-MOM. Been married 8 years with her father in case you didn’t know.
I have had it with your attitude towards me and I’ve said nothing for years but I’m finally speaking up.
Not sure why anyone would be as difficult as you have been but I hope it stops and I hope we make peace. If not then that’s your choice but for the sake of my husband and his daughter I hope you consider not being difficult anymore. We dont need the drama. He just wants to see her.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I tell my husband's ex wife to politely get over herself? - Mamas Uncut
Just tell her to get over herself. You’re stuck with her either way.
1 Like
My papers and my husbands papers all say it’s between that adult and the other party. I don’t speak to my husbands ex and he doesn’t speak to my ex. Personally I would leave it all to your husband and her.
25 Likes
It doesn’t matter what you say to this woman, she will NOT get it. Don’t waste your breath it’s 100% pointless.
15 Likes
This is such a hard situation because no matter what you say to her or how you say it, she isn’t going to like it. It seems like you won’t get anywhere with her. I would suggest having your husband be firm with her and create some boundaries or keep record of this behavior and bring it up in court, I’m sure they can set some guidelines for communication. Good luck!
8 Likes
Honestly, I don’t think polite is going to get through to her. This seems like a come-to-Jesus moment that needs to happen. I would lay it to her straight. “Listen, husband’s ex, I understand that you don’t want to communicate with me. I don’t know what the problem is, but I want to solve it because we have to get over this. I am willing to listen to whatever the issues are. We can fix this. However, this is affecting your daughter, my stepdaughter. I love her very much. I’ve been a part of her life for 9 years now. I think we owe it to her to communicate accordingly without the pettiness.”
36 Likes
I’m so sorry your going through this but I honestly don’t think she’ll get it and I think she’s probably waiting maybe for a fight or something to use it against you.
4 Likes
Get familywizard i think that’s the name it’s messaging through the court system that way no damn excuses from her and blaming anyone. As far as telling her off why bother she will still be a crab ass!
It has to be difficult because of all the back and forth especially since the young daughter has to take a flight. Me being a parent would never send my child alone like that. I cannot say that I blame her because there is way to many people going back and forth with her daughter. Although you do take care of everything it does not make it any easier for a parent to just do this with their child. I would not
Just tell her exactly what you just said . “ grow up and be a decent human being “ . Beyond that - let it go . You keep doing the right thing ! Good will prevail ! The child will always know what an amazing step mom you have been . When / if you speak badly to her mom , the child will Blame you ! So always speak firmly but with kindness .
4 Likes
I agree. No matter what you say (or do), some women just can’t handle adulthood. I have a similar situation with a horrible HCBM. She just can’t adult well. And she doesn’t care if she takes the kids down with her, so they can’t adult well either. But, nothing I can do to “fix her.” 
So, I just live my life and love my people the best I can.
6 Likes
U sound like a god send…just keep on being you xx
8 Likes
We have a group chat for this reason if she messages my husband solo cause she’s petty he will forward it to the group message and say " my wife handles our finances and planning she will be the primary person to contact" everytime consistency is key & shes mad you doing right and unbothered in her eyes🤷‍♀️
19 Likes
You probably can’t because she’s jealous and probably still in love with your husband!
8 Likes
Start sticking up for yourself. She is still immature and probably jealous for some reason. Hang in there momma that’s a really shitty situation to be in
When I had issues with my 15 year old step son’s mom, I just wrote her about it? I can’t do the drama or lack of respect… I was calm and upfront about all my feelings. She was actually grateful, she said it showed her how much I care about her son. Now we communicate better.
1 Like
Why don’t you just worry about what you need to do and leave it the dad to do the co parenting I mean you are the step parent??
16 Likes
She’s pushing your buttons on purpose so that she can use any reaction from you as proof of how victimized she is. She’s fishing. Don’t take the bait.
Take her up on her offer to beat some a** 
No? You’re right probably shouldn’t listen to me🤷‍♀️
18 Likes
A Group Where We All Give ONLY Very Bad Advice 2.0
There’s nothing you can do. If and when she gets another child it will change. But until then your husband will have to handle her. If you try you will be bad guy.
1 Like
WOW that girl has some jealousy problems…just smile to yourself and move on…it’s her problem she’s not happy…not your fault!
5 Likes
You have endured more then I would have. Sounds like you’ve taken every high road possible.
3 Likes
I didn’t read all of this ,sorry. I can see what your saying. …you don’t. Her daughter sees her. Do you think she doesn’t? If you start acting as immature as her mom your SD will lose respect for you that you have worked so hard to achieve. You are better than she. Your SD knows this. If he and she text and communicate. You need not to. I know that sounds crazy. He’s active and there need be communication. But do it thru her. This is how my mom did with my SS. They never spoke. Her mom was not mature. She even attacked my SD. So he didn’t communicate with her either. It was all done thru her. That sounds like too much for her. But, trust me. She’s more mature and intelligent than you think. Try it and see if it helps. Your SD doesn’t like her mom insulting you. I know this be sure You and she do get along. There is respect there. Do you think she respects her mom more. I’m thinking ,no. Talk to your daughter and husband about doing this. I think it would be more peaceful for everyone involved. And less stress. Prayers for y’all. God bless.
I would just let your husband deal with her on all matters.
6 Likes
Just let your husband deal with her. Nothing you say will make a difference.
5 Likes
The more you react the more she’ll do it. She’s looking for a reaction. She’s mean and immature and her daughter will pick up on it eventually. Keep that bond going because it won’t be long before his daughter can choose to live with her Dad then jealous bio mom can deal with it all.
8 Likes
Nothing you say or do will make her change her ways. Speaking up to her about her bitchiness can go either way. Open her eyes about being an adult OR make it harder on s/o and the coparenting.
I would simply have s/o deal with her and her drama. Open a group chat with all three of you in it and let him deal with telling her flight info. That way all three of you know for sure who said what/when. And snide and rude comments can be saved for court
You don’t… Your husband should put her in her place once and for all.
8 Likes
She is just mad cause the father moved on even though she moved on as well.
2 Likes
Unfortunately no matter what you say or how you say it will not make a difference. You are dealing with a low emotional IQ individual. Doesn’t matter what age or how many years go by they are unable (not to be confused with unwilling) to emotionally develop past a young child’s mentality. They will always behave this way because they are unable to comprehend emotionally that they are stunted.
11 Likes
That’s fine, make a group text, do not respond to her on separate texts. If she texts you or him you take it back to the group text. That way everyone knows and she can’t get upset or say she doesn’t have you saved, that’s fine bc he is saved in her contacts his name will pop up first on her end from the group messages. plus if you send something and your husband gets it she can no longer use it as an excuse that she never got it. It’s that simple.
8 Likes
You don’t‼️
You make him deal with all the above, that includes but not limited to scheduling, booking, conversing with ex, confirming, etc.
The only thing I would participate in is actually physically picking her up (if he cannot due to schedule, departure etc)
That’s it and that’s all‼️
Hope you guys figure this out. Otherwise (on my behalf) she wouldn’t be coming.
They both need to grow up. Sorry you’re stuck in the middle💯
4 Likes
I’m 8 1/2 years my husband’s ex’s senior. I have 3 children he has the one with her. In the beginning I had a horrible time with her. I got fed up and I sat her down on the phone (she’s in Mexico) and explained to her that I was here to love her child and to help my husband give him a good life and education. I also let her know that if she wanted to accuse me of wrong doings that weren’t true and start fights that I wouldn’t speak with her at all. Sometimes you have to let them know where you stand and where the line is that shouldn’t be crossed…
4 Likes
I am currently in a situation dealing with the my husband’s ex but we have full custody and she has supervised visit but she acts just like this lady.I can tell you that from how it sounds and it being 9 years you been together with your husband she’s not going to change no matter what you do.If she does change it will be because she makes that choice to do it.She probably isn’t happen with her life and is jealous of what you and your husband has together. The best thing you can do is not let her see you upset.If you do say something do it in text and be calm but set your boundaries in a nice way without cussing or anything like that…People seem to not know what a step parent is like if they are nothing and that’s so wrong.Step parents at times are even more of a parent then the actual bio parent.Just because you didn’t give birth to a child doesn’t mean your not a parent.Just because you weren’t there at birth or years it doesn’t mean your not bonded to that child .It’s saddening to see comments that people think step parents don’t have a right to have a say so in things or a right to be treated with respect. Step parents provide for a child in everyday just like any other parent and in some cases they do more than the bio parent.I would think that if your child is around someone alot and a person is caring for them and providing thier needs and wants that you would want to get along and you would be grateful that they love your child to be doing all they do.Instead people who act like this is just making it harder on thier child and everyone involved.Why put that on your child just because your not happy…It’s not the child’s fault so why make things harder.Seriously people need to grow up and be grateful more people love thier children and treat them good.
4 Likes
Your last sentence…but not in a form of a question. That is how you tell her.
4 Likes
You cannot control what she does but if you know how she is behaving, why do you continue to make arrangements and send her messages? He could have easily sent it to her himself like he did when she sent thumbs up. I in no way agree with her behavior but why make the situation worse? I feel that new wives need to remember that the man you are with is not the same man she was with. While it is her responsibility to heal from all that it appears she hasn’t. As much as you all are trying to be involved, she is doing the day to day care for your husband’s child while he is on leave. Just because she was ok with it before does not mean she should be ok with it now, she has a right to change her mind about that. She has to go out of her way anytime it is his turn with their daughter. I know you mean well and I’m sure you are an amazing stepmom but stay out of the arrangements for now. The less contact you have with her the better. It’s not only about growing up, it’s about healing and giving respect to the constant parent in that child’s life.
6 Likes
She loves trouble and your husband needs to STOP THE HER
1 Like
Group message and if she gets off and message your husband out of group chat have him just reply in group every time that everyone is following the court order on the group chat only not one on one.
11 Likes
I would be asking the stepdaughter if she wants to move in permanently then you don’t have to put up with the bullshit shoe will be on the other foot
I use to go through this crap with my hubby’s ex but it was actually her own children who told their mum to act her age and she use to have jealousy fits galore but my step kids wouldn’t put up with it. Maybe your husband can just speak to his daughter and explain that her step mum does care and tries very hard for her to be a part of the family. He doesn’t need to mention her mum as it’s not nice for the child but if the child is on side (for good genuine reasons) trust me they will make sure they see their other parent regardless. Don’t worry about his ex and her behaviour it will backfire oneday like it did on my husband’s ex and now we haven’t seen or spoken to her in about 5yrs 
2 Likes
There is an online service that my friend has to use to communicate with her ex-husband. It is court ordered that they both must check messages a minimum of once per day and is the ONLY way they are allowed to communicate. Everything through this site is monitored so the judge can verify that both parties are complying with the court ordered and can read all of the messages.
10 Likes
She’s a bully and as long as all involved allows her behavior to continue it won’t ever change. She may be repeating how she has been treated by someone else. Someone needs to stand up to her and tell her to chill out for now.
1 Like
All I’m going to say , is I understand you’re the step-parent but maybe it’s not all on the momma. I mean you write a post and we don’t have the full story. Only your version. And maybe you don’t know your place or your boundaries with her child and she feels like your trying to replace her… and she isn’t going to trust you because you and your husband have taken her to court on numerous of occasions… so her guard is up with you and always will be. It’s nice that you’re trying to be respectful but again don’t know the full story so you could have said some things in the beginning that made her think you’re 2 faced and trying to take over everything… you never know
7 Likes
Your husband needs to step up
Don’t. It wont matter what you tell her or how you tell her its not going to change her attitude. If anything it will probably just make things more difficult for you. Do what you need to do based on the court order. If she wants to act like a child and respond to your husband instead of her then let her. If she sends him a message complaining about how you are contacting her instead of him just ignore it or say I’m just following the court order. Keep proof and bring it back up in court when you go that you are following the order and she isn’t by not responding to the person who is doing the pickups.
I wish my ex’s Gf was like you!!!
4 Likes
You can say whatever you want to but you are wasting your breath. As soon as you try to tell her what you think she’s going to get all defensive- she won’t acknowledge your phone for crying aloud-As annoying as she is your daughter be I’ll see how ridiculous her mother is and hopefully as she gets older and do more things herself Mom may chill out but she’s going to keep you in a role where she’s she’s suffering and you’re the villain in her story. Just grit your teeth and be the bigger person. She might deserve a punch in the mouth but she’s not going to be better because of it and then you are that bad guy you don’t need to be.
6 Likes
This is a classic case of mixed roles. The next time the ex mouths off, politely smile at her then quickly snatch a fist full of her hair, mount her from behind and bite her ear while keeping her pinned to the ground. As she struggles to get out from beneath you squealing, very quietly utter these words in her ear, “Who’s the bitch now?”.
Unfortunately YOU are not this child’s parent and I wouldn’t be discussing my child’s visit with the father with anyone other than the father either. She has zero obligation to talk to you. Her only obligation is to her daughter and the father of her child. You fit neither of those titles therefore you are not the person that should be doing the communicating. I would be pretty pissed if my kid was flying to see his father and the father couldn’t even be bothered to be there at the airport to pick up and sent his wife instead or couldn’t be bothered to see his child off at the airport but sent his wife instead. That’s insane to even think that is acceptable.
16 Likes
Get out of it. It’s between the mother and father you are too invested.
5 Likes
You can’t. Document everything and have him take her back to court. She’s still bitter.
5 Likes
You’re just going to have to deal with it.doesnt sound like shes going to change.
It’s not your place. Communication is between the mother and father, period. My kids step mother has made our lives hell and to hear her tell it, I’m a piece of shit mother and that is simply not true. My boys couldn’t stand going there because of her.
You’re walking in a territory that you just leave the child’s father to negotiate in. Step out, let him handle it. If there is still issues then you know where the problem is for court. 
not everyone is going to be “nice”. Just learn not to let negativity drive you insane
I mean technically the ones that should be communicating are the parents, her and your husband, I get that maybe in rare occasions when there is no other option it could be you, but mainly it’s supposed to be the father 
10 Likes
File for contempt and full custody
5 Likes
Keep being kind. I promise your children will know and understand especially when they grow up.
10 Likes
Why are you making all the travel plans, communicating with his ex & daughter etc? Is he incapable of doing these things? Seems to me he’s incapable of can’t be bothered with being a parent. You need to back off. He needs to do all the arrangements, communications etc. As for the daughter calling him by his first name. I would too. He’s not doing anything for her. Her step father does far than her bio father. He hasn’t earned that title.
17 Likes
My suggestion would be butt out. She isn’t your daughter. The only role you have is to be a friend to her.
Sounds like my bfs ex,who is so bitter she calls cps on us every other day,never let’s him take his kid’s any extra days but sure as heck cashes that $3500 child support check… I never bash bio mom to the kid’s and always talk nicely when they talk about her to me. I WRITE everything down in a calendar, kid’s attitude, what BM does at pick up drop off, when he calls the kid’s and she won’t answer for 4 days, I write everything down. Back it up with screen shots texts etc. During pick ups drop offs I just smile and talk to the kid’s. Just document everything and kill her with kindness it hurts her more. Let dad talk to mom,I might suggest a family court app that documents all texts so there is physical proof
There’s some app where all communication goes through there and is seen by lawyers or the court. That way you and the court have proof and evidence and you don’t have to deal with her directly. You’re not the first to have a vindictive baby mama!
The daughter probably likes you best which shatters her, and she’s mad her husband divorced her (he divorced her, am I right?) and she’s mad she’s single (did I guess correctly?) and she probably is jealous of your maturity and thinks you’re prettier with more intelligence and a better personality, and she pales in comparison. She feels bad about herself and takes it out on you.
I also like the idea of an auto response on his phone that you handle the arrangements and a reminder all communication goes through the app or you won’t respond.
She’ll stop when she feels better about herself and her parenting skills, gets a man of her own, and/or starts making progress in therapy. Do y’all know someone or several people in her town who could talk to her, like the pastor at her church, a mutual friend or acquaintance, or a mental health professional? She/he/they can approach it as, “I heard you’re having trouble with your husband’s new wife.” She will vent about how hubs left her because you enticed him away from their “happy home”, and you are a horrible, controlling person always trying to take her child away and keeping “her” husband from talking to her, and other general assholery.
Then maybe the person could steer her towards therapy, and/or get her to realize her husband is never coming back to her and she should move on and be happy. Or they could ask questions to make her realize she’s being a jerk unnecessarily and making her & daughter’s life miserable, when she could let it go and both she and daughter could be happier.
They could also suggest dating apps, hobbies or volunteer opportunities to give her life another focus instead of focusing solely on “revenge”. If it’s not a professional with privacy restrictions they could testify for you in court, but that might create more problems (see Linda Tripp). Maybe talk to her and/or her friends and suggest they plan a girls trip or other fun and child-free event/s during the time you have custody so she won’t feel so empty.
You can also reach out to organizations she might support (animal shelter, church, cause/issue, etc.) and tell them to ask the mom to volunteer with them, that an anonymous friend of a friend said she would be an asset to the organization and they’d welcome her help. If it comes with any kind of title, that’s a bonus.
Maybe you two could pay for an art class, dance class, horseback riding—whatever might be fun and give her confidence and an identity outside “mom.” Couch it as a birthday or holiday present from the hubs or all of you (and in her mind it will be from hubs). When I was sad about losing jobs due to cutbacks, it helped me to know I was still a successful mom, wife, modern dancer, HOA officer and Sunday School teacher as part of my identity. She needs to find her other identities other than mom and revenge artist.
Maybe you can talk to her family and see what’s going on and if they can intervene to get her out of this obsession with you as the repository for all her failures and let it go and build up her self esteem. Ask if there’s something you can compliment her on too, or a passion she has like taking care of her pets, going to PTA meetings, or keeping her house clean—anything you can compliment her on to make her feel as worthy ad you. This nasty behavior is cover for her hating herself.
I didn’t care about being “nice.”. I feel that flew out the window with things that were done in my case. Yours is worse by far, but I wrote a blunt letter. 🤷 I don’t regret it honestly. Sometimes things have to be said.
3 Likes
Focus on you and quit trying to change her. Keep being the loving extra mom you have bern.
3 Likes
You need to take charge young one. She apparently doesn’t respect you the way you deserve to be. Communicate with your husband that you’ve reached a point in life that you refuse to play second fiddle and belittled - and that you plan on setting things straight - and do it.
3 Likes
Stop Stop being so nice. Treat her as she treats you. You can be polite and warn her first. Lol…but definitely follow through
4 Likes
Have Your Husband Download Talking Parents and Strictly communicate via that form… The court has full access… And when She continues to behave this way take her back to court for full custody… In the meantime Don’t say anything to her, She will try and use it against you.
Very sucky situation to be in But some people are just Too Inmature or too Bitter to Coparent
12 Likes
Im going through something quite similar, like, eerily similar. I told my boyfriend to listen,and i read him the first sentence/question. He laughed and said sounds about right. Dont give her a reaction, be the bigger person, etc. Hes still going through mediation, and court for his divorce. This woman is insane! But just know, you arent alone
1 Like
You can tell who the bitter moms are and who the stepmoms trying to make it work with said bitter moms are by these comments.
Yes, maybe he can make the travel arrangements and communicate them but I say that more for her than mom. Don’t put yourself in that situation for her to be rude. Take that stress off yourself. After nine years, if she can’t accept that you’re there to stay than she never will. As for picking up and the dropping off, military isn’t always going to make that easy for him so mom needs to get over that and be happy her daughter gets to see dad. They’ve been together for nine years, she has a new spouse. Honestly, sounds to me that mom is jealous and taking it out on stepmom. Having her daughter call her bio dad by his name because “step-dad does more” is abusive if she’s pushing it. Abuse isn’t just physical. If the 11 year old chooses to do that then let it be but mom has NO say in what her daughter calls her own biodad. Why can’t she call them both dad if she so chooses? I won’t text with my husband’s ex because she isn’t a wonderful person and I’m not someone who is going to let her trash talk my husband so he handles that but even she would understand if he worked late and I had to be the only one there. Mom needs to get over herself and start putting her daughter first instead of her own pride
She’s petty, immature and bitter
5 Likes
Shes obviously still bitter about something. I haven’t spoken to my exhusband in over 5 years, he has been remarried more than 10… I deal exclusively with my sons stepmother and prefer it that way… she takes care of CS payments, visitation, I call her when hes sick to keep informed, etc… sounds to me like shes trying to maintain contact for some reason…
2 Likes
I understand your pain all to well, as it was always a nightmare for me. Just keep being the bigger person. Don’t get on her level. Kudos to you for doing what you do! It’s very difficult at times but it is rewarding in the end. The kids will respect you later 
2 Likes
Clearly she doesn’t want any contact or relationship with you. She shares a child with her ex and it’s obviously her wish to communicate with her ex regarding their child. Hence why she ignores you. It’s not what is best and easiest for the child since you’re involved with the child. But that being said, she isn’t obligated to respond or acknowledge you. She is only obligated to her ex. Just because you’re in his life and his daughters doesn’t mean she has to have you in her life. And pushing the matter won’t change that or improve the situation. She can’t control that you are making the arrangements and traveling, etc. but she can control who she communicates with regarding her child. Yes, she’s being petty and immature. But maybe if your ex respected that she only wants to communicate with him about their kid, it would help her be more comfortable and cooperative.
This is his problem with her. Let them work it out.
You are parenting with your husband. The mother is co parenting with her ex husband.
Stop getting that confused.
Do you have to speak to your ex husbands wife or girlfriend about your oldest child if you don’t want to or can you speak to your ex directly about your child??
10 Likes
Hannah Smith. You seem like a bitter one too! She’s his WIFE!
1 Like
You are not her parent. You are the step parent & honestly the mother should not have to deal with you, at all, unless she chooses.
Those visits are for her Father, not her step mother.
I’m not being mean, it’s great that you are willing to do these things & get along with the child. However, you should have nothing in setting up visitations for “their” child. & She should not have to communicate with you over “their” child.
10 Likes
This really makes my blood boil. My 2 oldest are my husband step children. He stepped up and became parent to them. My ex husband and I never communicated. I always dealt with his wife. She made visitation arrangements, came to Dr appointments helped with sports functions, etc. I really didn’t like her and still don’t but not once did I or my husband ever speak ill of her or their dad. Now that they are older, they don’t have a relationship with him ( his doing) but that was their choice not mine.
You say “get over yourself”
Had this been a new relationship I’d understand the mother being a bit standoffish with you, however you have been married for 9years that’s a long time, in my opinion from what I’ve read I feel she’s making it as difficult as possible because she’d rather her daughter didn’t visit, especially as his daughter is saying stepdad is real dad etc… I’m shocked at how many people are making excuses for her behaviour because they split years ago. You are correct she needs to grow up and put her child first.
18 Likes
Say to her i have tried to be nice but enouth is enouth now. You cant respect me and talk to me like a human being then i will treat you the way you treat me. You want to beat my ass then try it and see what happens as your child should not be around someone so violent.
You need to stand up to heras she will just carry on treating you like garbage and also explain to your husband that you have had enouth.
Padilla M Mitra, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Your 100% right.
Let your husband deal with it. He slept with her and made the child with her. See if things go more smoothly if you stay out of the plan making. Not worth the stress, time or energy 9 yrs is enough you’ve tried and that’s all you can do.
2 Likes
Nothing you say or do is going to change a thing, in fact you may make it worse. Just ignore her. Do what you need and let her be rude and be glad you aren’t her.
She bitter, maybe jelous, may want control. She got issues and clearly ain’t happy about something does she ever pay for any of the flights? That should be in the papers as maybe a 50/50 thing u pay for one flight she pays for the next.
3 Likes
I see alot of people saying she’s the step parent. She’s not a parent. Ok so as a mom who’s been through this with my ex and his wife and a military wife. I will say some of y’all are really petty. Your not only displaying hateful attitudes toward your ex but his new family also. That means your children will display the disrespectful attitude toward them also, which in reality is harmful to them in the long run. I’m a Behavioral Therapist, if y’all only realized the emotional stress you put on your children. If you only knew what I deal with when it comes to children. It’s really sad. Children are to be loved and nurtured by all that are involved in their lives. It doesn’t matter if it’s a grand parent, a step parent or a parent, you need to show respect toward each other. What ever your feelings are toward the ex are put aside. The child has absolutely nothing to do with it. You need to nurture that relationship as much as possible. Do you even know what STEPPARENT truly means? Step: enter into or place foot in front of other
PARENT: mom or dad; to act as or to be care taker
So STEPPARENT: STEPPED INTO BEING CARETAKER or NURTURER…
21 Likes
You don’t
You suck it up for 8 more years and then throw a huge Wizard of Oz party since the wicked witch will finally be gone from your life
Beat her ace POINT BLANK PERIODT…. She playing silly games and at 30 it’s time to put up or shut her up with the silliness!!! Oh respectfully do out of the children’s presence….
4 Likes
She’s a salty ass B
You are totally right
She would be grateful that you’re stepping up and being a great bonus mom to her child
She sounds immature as hell! People like this you have to talk to like a kid that they are and break things down to them…
hate that you have to deal with such a bitch… she sounds jealous.
put 
her in her place
hell. no.
9yrs baby girl - thats long enough
and if he don’t stand behind you - tell him to get his ass in check to handle everything from now on - the disrespect she has…
Hugs. Sounds like your doing the right thing. And it sounds hard!! But kudos to you🥰 your really trying and someday … if not now… that kid will know it and this will be nothing but bad memories
3 Likes
She definitely sounds bitter , baby momma . She should at least be civil for the child’s sake . Put the child first and stop being petty. And sounds like your trying hard doing your best and she doesn’t care . She sounds very immature. Unfortunately you can’t make her grow up . And personally she doesn’t have to conversation with you if she chooses not to . The best thing is let it go and just keep doing your best because she’s not gonna grow up or do anything if she doesn’t want to . It’s sad 
be better for the child . But at least if you stay decent and ignore it . The child will notice that one day and appreciate it .
1 Like
She sees you as a threat. Point blank period
3 Likes
I mean it’s super annoying and petty, but for your peace just let your husband deal w the communication.
Suzanne Nightingale She stated that in the divorce decree it states who ever is travelling to pick up the daughter, (which was her in this case) is the one who needs to discuss the schedule with her (biomum) so that they are all on the same page. So confirmation to her from biomum should be given!
If biomum doesn’t have a problem with her own daughter travelling with her ex husbands wife, then why have a problem talking to her to confirm it all. You’d think if u have a problem with someone you wouldn’t let your child travel alone with them! Biomum needs to grow up!! And put her daughter first and be thankful that her daughter has a step mum who actually really cares about her aswell!!
12 Likes
You can’t. I would give her her wish. All communication through your husband. Then she can wait for his replies rather than get a swift reply from you.
2 Likes
I don’t deal with baby mamas. I’m just not about it. I mind mine and ignore them.
4 Likes
She’s petty and childish. That isn’t going to change. I know the type. Some “adults” aren’t really adults and they never do really grow up. She feels like this gives her control over you and him and she gets some kind of twisted satisfaction from it. If that’s how she gets her kicks I feel sorry for her. Nevermind the wellbeing and happiness of the child, it’s all about her. Good luck, I wish I had some great advice to give you but it’s very hard to reason with a child, which is what she essentially is. Maybe back off and let your husband deal with her. Just cut all communication and start treating her the way she does you, minus the name calling and all that. Cut her short, act like she’s beneath you (because she is) and keep doing you. Don’t let me her petty crap get to you.
2 Likes
Did he cheat on her with you? Or something else messy? Cause thats what it seems like to me, like theres more to this story maybe? Maybe its all in her head though.
5 Likes