My husband and I just got married a few months back. We’re currently sleeping in bed with our child but that can we avoid when it comes to sex. Regardless, I don’t find him sexually attractive, at all. I would rather sleep with someone else than my husband. Which Is disgusting to me, but just been life. I have not cheated, nor would I like to. I just want him to actually be able to get me off. When we DO have sex, it’s maybe once a month if I initiate it. And then he lasts maybe 5 mins at most and I’m not anywhere near getting off. It’s frustrating!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do we work through this?
You seem to want all these things, but proudly admit you aren’t even attracted to him?? Selfish lady! Let him go so you both can be happier somewhere else…
You’re talking to the wrong people definitely need to be discussing this with him!
Then why did you marry him…?
So you married him??
Why get married if no connection do you love him
You just married a man you’re not sexually attracted to?
Why did you marry someone you are disgusted by?! If you want a good sex life you need to work at it together. Have you talked to him about it?
Go to christies toy box/patricias?? Can maybe help you/him?? I mean i can help almost anyone with a party favor. Harsh reality, most men arent very good at that without help prob next guy will mess up too. JS
Maybe if you have sex with him more then once a month then he might last longer. Why did you get married if you aren’t sexually attracted to him?
Holding sex for a month lol no wonder he gets off in 5 mins , try having more sex with him , oh yeah that’s right , you find him unattractive. All bad .
Communication is key. If you haven’t discussed this with him then you’re the one not allowing yourself to be pleased. Most men would be receptive if they know what your expectations are. If he doesn’t know how to get you off, tell him. If he’s lasting a short time, tell him what foreplay gets you going. Yes, it’s an uncomfortable conversation but I’m sure he’d much rather hear the feedback and have the chance to work on it than to feel unwanted.
Agree w. Shanna Shevlin , u need to be addressing these issues w. Your partner, not the world. If you r not attracted to him. And cringe at intimacy you shouldn’t married, n remained friends. If I was u I’d sit down n have a GROWN UP CONVERSATION w. My partner n be 100% honest. But if u r attracted to him n r just unsatisfied in bed chance r so is he. Again communicate. Maybe see Dr. Try new things etc. U may surprise eachother. Still no matter what communicate w. Him is the only solution. Or u can leave , divorce n forget he exist. Destroy his n said child’s worlds…
Why marry him then?? I’m sorry but it doesn’t make sense. And I agree, you shouldn’t be discussing this with the world.
I’m confused are you not attracted because he did something or your emotions? And let’s be honest if he ain’t getting off except when you do fool around of course he’s gonna be quick also have you talked to him ? I mean you did say you guys just got married and you have a child together
Woooooow shouldnt of married him you should have been honest…
You have to actually communicate with your husband. If he doesn’t know you’re not getting off, then he can’t fix it. You have to tell him what you like. This poor guy just got railroaded and he has no idea.
Amanda Blythe glad we don’t have this issue (lucky number 13 )… and also kid #3
I feel like lately by someone asking a question… people are always bashing them. This site is for advice! Not hate! No one is perfect. People fall out of love …have change in hearts. Sometimes even do stupid things. Anyways Honestly if you feel not attracted to him or anything you should talk with him. He should know and maybe going your separate ways you both would be better off. Or again talk with him tell him exactly how you feel with everything… maybe things could change or you could spice up what you think he is lacking and he will be on board with it. If not I feel like deep inside people already have the answer they are looking for
Get a sex toy … but it’s kinda behind me why you married him tbh
If you’re having these issues this early, I think you made a mistake getting married. I wouldn’t waste your time or his time. It clearly isn’t going to work. Focus on being great coparents and cut your losses.
So I’m not going to be one of these “perfect” women and bash you cause I understand you. I’m married and I’m also not attracted sexually to my husband. I used to do it simply because that’s what married people do. I had a seat down with my gynecologist to figure out what could be going on with me. Weirdest thing is I’m not sexually attracted to ANYONE. I have yet to meet a men or woman that I want to be involved with like that. My dr made some recommendations and I tried them all but nothing worked finally he dropped the bomb on me that I may be one of these people that are asexual. I’m still learning what that means and find help. I hope you can seat down with your partner and talk to him.
Yet u got pregnant for him and married him?
There’s other things you can do besides sex to light the flame and have fun together. The couples card games and dice are always fun. Instead of “getting off” focus on intimacy with your husband. Intimacy is not sex BTW.
Well damn. If you don’t find your partner sexually attractive how in the hell did you choose to marry him??
Oral sex…massages…take a bath together…Or laying with your naked bodies touching. I’m just saying.
You’re mighty bold behind this keyboard and anonymity
Why did you get married to a man that can’t please you. Wasn’t this an issue before you married.
You better step up and tell him!! Take some responsibility!!
Were you once sexually attracted to him? Ask yourself what happened? Life happens and sometimes sexual intimacy is effected, especially with children. This is something to discuss with your partner, being 100% honest. Try couples therapy, try spicing up things in the bedroom, toys, sex games, making date night. There is a root of the problem if you once found him sexually attractive.
Of course he isn’t going to last long if you don’t have sex more frequently. Have a damn discussion with him about foreplay if that’s the issue. There is no way these feelings started in the few months you have been married so why did you get married?
You find him disgusting? Thats pretty deep…
That’s crazy! And people wonder why men don’t want to get married anymore! Now she gonna try to get half of everything he worked so hard for!
You guys should still be in the honey moon phase. Being completely put off by intimacy with him is not a great sign at this point… You need to have an honest conversation.
How long were you together before you got married? Have you always not been sexually attracted or just now that you’re married? Is it a hormone issue that can be fixed via a dr? Maybe seek out a therapist as well to see what can help.
Sounds like u need some bedroom toys.
no no this is not ok. Y’all sound like roommates, and bad ones at that.
I think your first step should be to talk to him about how you feel and go from there. We can give you advice all day but none of us know your marriage like you do. The first step toward fixing a problem is addressing it.
Communication is the most important part in a marriage makes me wonder why did you really marry him because that is not love.
Fall in love with your husband again. Go to marriage counseling, remember why you fell in love with him to begin with, and when you see him doing something amazing fall in love with him again over different stuff he does now. Marriage isn’t easy, it takes work.
So… did this just start AFTER you got married? Because I’m confused as to why you would marry a man that you’re not attracted to and who you’re not sexually compatible with?!
Slip out the back Jack
Were you just in love w the idea of being married?? I’m a little confused here. Why marry this guy in the first place?
you just got married what the fuuuuck
Why do people think we want to know about their sex life.
Lmao why tf would you marry someone who disgusts you? You made your bed, either live with it and do counseling or leave him
Tell him you have to preheat the oven before you Stick in the turkey
Wow really then why did you marry him?
Married ? Kid haha yep this sounds completely normal. Talk to him, maybe plan a trip or something but this is normal
Modern day fee male !!! Men stay single chase money not fee males
This didn’t just happen so why did you waste his time and marry him? Poor guy!!! Not everything is about sex though either!!! You need to learn how to communicate with him before communicating with the world over this.
If you had sex more it would build his stamina! You also have to speak up and take charge otherwise you will continue to resent him. Literally take full control!
Why on earth did u marry someone u were not attracted too??..
Did you get married because you felt like you had to? I ask this because when I was unmarried and pregnant at 20 it was a big scandal in my family. I never wanted to get married. We had a terrible sex life even then because we were not a good fit for each other. I am happier now being single than I was being married the 1st time
Uh… Why would you get married like wtf
I have noticed through this page that women are more into sex than men. It’s funny because when you get older sex isn’t that big of a deal.
That’s your fault. You married someone you aren’t attracted to and you probably make fun of him too. I feel sorry for him
I don’t understand why you would marry someone you’re not sexually attracted to sounds like you need lots of foreplay.
It’s called parenting, move when asleep I do so every night. The reason he only lasting five minutes is because you don’t have sex enough. I get busy life’s and so on I get that I have 6 kids make time. And there is other solutions TOYS have him help or have sex twice in a row. If you truly love your husband you would not have thoughts or be saying half the shit you are right now to Facebook you would be talking to him! COMMUNICATION
Umm if you didn’t make him wait so long he could last longer
I feel sorry for your husband.
Of course he isn’t gonna last if he only gets it once a month sounds like you need to sit him down and have a conversation of why you’re feeling the way you are before you hurt that poor man
Just to let you know, he is a minute man because he only gets off once a month with you.
Also, it makes me very sad that you married a man you were not attracted to. I feel awful for your husband and cannot imagine putting my husband through that.
But now that you are married, it is your duty to be a devoted wife to him. Love and attraction do not come first hand. You need to choose him every day and really work on that.
Why did you even marry him???
Wow just wow. So what was your motive?
So why did you marry him?
Why people being horrible to this lady she obviously needs foreplay and let’s be fair have you had an orgasm in less that 5 mins from penetration girls get real
Why do you find him unattractive? Was this before the baby too? Did you marry out of feeling obligated? Also if there’s no sex, of course he’s going to cum fast, maybe make sex interesting and not a chore? Sounds like there’s no foreplay involved prior to sex.
Wow some of these comments. We don’t know the whole story. Things could’ve been great then after they got married they could’ve went sour. I think you should make a pros and cons list. Write out what you find attractive and what you don’t and don’t stop at looks. actions are perfect. Then when you’re ready sit down and tell him how you feel. He can’t fix or try to fix something if he doesn’t know what’s going on. Best of luck!!
That’s really sad. Why did you marry this poor dude?
Why get married then??
Wow I feel really bad for your husband
Sounds like your husband deserves better and you just wasted a heap of money getting married.
To be fair 5 minutes is very good considering you have sex once a month
If you were not attracted to him before marriage, marriage won’t change that. If you was and something about him changed, then you need to sit him down and let him know, bc chances are, he doesn’t realize it. Sex to a man is like food to an animal. Starve it long enough and anything you offer it will be gone in minutes. My husband and I have sex at least 3 times a week. We have days were it’s just maybe 10 minutes bc we have had rough days and then there are times where it is drawn out into hours. You just gotta figure out what works for both of y’all. Maybe point out things that you like him doing to you that you wish he would do more.
Sounds to me like your kid needs to sleep in their own bed so you can spend time with your husband
Honey, why dont you initiate sex with outfits, foreplay, and dirty talk. Educate him on what you need and want. Turn him on and he will turn you on. Tell him talk to him. He’s your husband and your sapped to talk to him about this so you can work through it TOGETHER.
I love how she came here to get advice and the majority are bashing her. Just because they only have sex once a month doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t be allowed to get off too. I wouldn’t want to have sex more if I wasn’t getting off. Let him know that you need more. Maybe some foreplay, maybe if he can only last 5 min first round see if he would be down for another shortly after that would be solely focused on what you like. Let him know all the things you like.
Why did you get married
Then why did you marry him?? You wasted him time.
I think you should have a talk with your husband.If he is so reposive to you why did you marry him? I think that you may be the one with the problem.
Wow. Poor guy. Why marry him? Put your kid in his own bed. Build a marriage that you started. Counseling. If not let him go so he can find someone better
So why get married to a man you don’t find attractive? That’s weird. You should have just not got married. You fucked up there buddy. Makes me think you married him for money maybe? Why else would someone marry someone that disgusts them. Weirdo.
Sounds to me like you wasnt happy before you got married so why did you go and marry him?? You need to leave him because its not fair to him at all
Do him a favor and leave him. Let him find someone who appreciates him and what he has to offer.
He lasts that long because you only do it once a month. Probably should let him go if this is how you really feel. So he can find someone who is actually attracted to him and loves him for him. Poor guy
ive been there girl! almost married a guy that for some reason i just didnt want him touching me & didnt find him attractive either. dont feel bad, just figure it out!
Get use to doing it yourself
Ya gotta get the spices rolling tell him wtf you want and have him tell you wtf he wants ps get the kid outta your bed
Can we please get an updated post with why the hell this lady married this poor man if she isn’t attracted to him and is repulsed by him. She’s blocking his blessing and hers. This is the most asinine thing I think I’ve heard in a long time. You either left out a LOT of back story to get the proper in put it you’re really shallow and I feel sorry for your husband.
YOU are responsible for your sex life and orgasms. You can chime in during sex and tell him what you want and need. If he isn’t getting the job done I suggest a vibrator. But 100% we don’t blame a man for not giving us an orgasm. Especially since he isn’t regularly getting sex. Men are built differently than us but it remains our individual responsibility to talk to our partners about expectations in the bedroom. Have you even tried to ask for foreplay? This boils down to communication. Personally if I’m not satisfied I just do it myself. But how is your husband satisfied and suppose to perform when you literally just said you didn’t want to sleep with him you’d rather it be someone else. He can feel that energy. Try communicating your needs and treating your relationship a little better.
Have you spoken to your husband? Have you told him at all? You have a child in the bed while you’re knocking boots?
It sounds a lot like you’re using him for what he does financially without you saying it. It’s sad to say but I would probably be cheating🤕
Imagine if this was a man saying this about his wife. Some of the comments would be very different.
This is really sad. These problems and issues were there before the marriage, and you shouldn’t have gotten married if it was this bad. Communicate and go to therapy or get a divorce. He doesn’t deserve to be with someone who is not attracted to him.
Maybe try communicating with him like hey that feels good nope that doesn’t feel good like Adleast give him a heads up we are definitely not mind readers actually we suck at it a little communication can go a very long way
Well… from experience… if a guy doesnt get off … regularly…honey he’s not gonna last no time at all. And if you do foreplay and get him off then get him up again he will last alot longer and might be able to get you off… its a 2 way street… it’s not just lay there and him do it all
Maybe let him find someone who is attracted to him.
This post is sad or maybe give it up more than once a month
If any man has sex once a month he’s only gonna last 5 minutes. You should have never married him if this was the case.
Did this start after you two got married? Was something done it said after the marriage to make you feel this way? Is this something that’s been going on prior to marriage. I think finding a marriage counselor or sexual therapist might be your best bet if your wanting to really change this. You need to be addressing this with your partner & not anonymously on a social media forum. You left out important information so no one is going to be able to give you any valid advice.
Maybe he gets off so fast because you are only having sex once a month. Why did you marry a man you aren’t attracted to?