How do you deal with toddlers who do not listen?

Parents with toddlers, how do you deal with a child that just won’t listen? She constantly cries if she doesn’t get her way… I am a single full-time mum, so kid-free time to relax is far and few between. I never get a break and my rope at the moment is quite short. I find I’m yelling at her over the smallest things, and although we having cuddling and ensuring everything is ok I know this isn’t the correct behavior I should be showing or doing in front of her, but it’s just so hard. Sometimes… I guess what I’m asking is, what do you do? What are some things I can try to make our situation better because? At this point I’m at a loss.

26 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you deal with toddlers who do not listen?

First off it’s hard as hell so hugs
Second, whatever you choose to implement you have to be consistent.

2 Likes

Find your little one an outlet. I find that crafts really help my little one out and a strict routine.

1 Like

At this point start the time out method. My son did this alot and I would tell him that I will not answer him until he uses his inside voice. This way she knows that the only time to yell is outside. Toddlers are going to dance on your nerves. Try to keep her busy. Color with her, put together puzzles, make play dough with her, simple things that could keep yourself and her occupied.

1 Like

Put her in time out. One minute per her age. Tell her why she’s in time out and she will need to apologize once the time out is done. Also I would get her a creative outlet to redirect her energy.

2 Likes

My son is tough like that too. Just hope and pray they grow out of it. :joy: I can’t even go food shopping w out the whole store knowing he’s there

1 Like

Remind yourself this will just be a phase IF you remain consistent.

Try your best to be consistent. They can’t hear you through their tantrums so best to walk away and let her settle. Or you can try to sooth her. Once she is calmed enough to have your attention talk to her. I am sooooooo proud of you for reaching out. It is so hard being a mom sometimes and honestly even harder to reach out in fear of looking like a failure. I’m sure you are doing your absolute best and it will just take time. My third, she is my worst terrible 2. Tantrums right and left and crying over the littlest of things. I’m sure my neighbors think I’m an awful mom because I too have been yelling alot. But just keep pushing forward and reach out if you need to vent. We have all been where you are and it’s okay! God bless you!

3 Likes

letting you know you aren’t alone! my three year old boy I am convinced some/most days his ears literally do not work. he can be so sweet and he does good sometimes but man those rare days all he says is no this and no that and just makes the day hell for everyone.
we just have strong willed children, we’ll be thankful for that when they are older!
the days are long but the years are short!! it’ll pass!

1 Like

I am currently dealing with that too. My daughter just breaks down scream crying when I say no to basically anything. It’s awful. And not to mention embarrassing when we go out. But I won’t give in. But obviously she thinks it will still work because she does it still. I do time outs, but that does not seem to really help much. I try to stay pretty busy with her and that helps. But im nine months pregnant and can only do so much at this point. So I’m definitely following this to see others solutions haha

2 Likes

Take a breath!
Sometimes we as adults react like our parents reacted to us.
You have to change ya mind set. keep in mind she’s young and don’t know how to regulate her emotions yet.
Look up gentle parenting.

1 Like

I repeat myself until he listens. If he ignored me I get on his level and make direct eye contact and if that doesn’t work he goes on time out until he listens or does what I tell him to.

When mine were little I would just ignore them if they would throw a tantrum when they wouldn’t get their way. They would stop when they would get no reaction at all. Then I would praise them when they would stop crying and ask them what they needed.

2 Likes

If anyone says they’ve never dealt with a toddler who does not listen is either A. Someone who has never dealt with toddlers or B. A liar.

9 Likes

Toddlers have such big emotions at this age that are overwhelming for them. And so much is outside their control where they can’t get what they want. And they haven’t learned how to regulate their emotions. They need you for that until they can learn how to take deep breaths or do other soothing activities. I find getting down to their level and trying to put into words their emotions can help to get through to them sometimes…”I can see you’re upset that I said we have to leave the playground…or you can’t have that cookie…”or whatever it is. Can I give you a hug to help you calm down? Can you take a deep breath with Mommy to calm down? She needs to learn that you can help her regulate her emotions by you staying calm. And I have a 3 year old and almost 2 year old and I know how HARD that is, Mama. I find myself snapping and losing my patience and then I need to take a deep breath and remind myself that they’re trying to navigate this world with big emotions that they can’t control yet. I know you can do it. And it will get easier!

5 Likes

I’m there with my 4yo. Our house is melt down central constantly! I am 48, so I had her late and often wonder if I will ever be able to keep up with her. But I have so much more patience with her than with my other kids who are now 30 & 31. My issue is not so much with me as with her father. He is more into what I call shock parenting. When she is melting down, he will raise his voice but it only ends up with them both melting down. I almost always have to end up mediating. I can get her calmed down and talk to her but I often wonder if I’m too lenient sometimes. In the end, all we can do is our very best and hope and pray that it is enough.

1 Like

The auditory processing system doesn’t finish developing until about 14 years old, so it’s not that your child is choosing not to listen to you, she is just incapable of understanding things the same way you can.

She cries because she is experiencing overwhelming emotions which she can’t communicate properly and that turns into frustration. I can’t stress this enough… ALWAYS CONNECT FIRST. Get down to her level, give her a hug if she’s receptive to one, talk to her in a calming voice, and then be the logic and reasoning she doesn’t have yet by naming the emotion and describing the situation (ie “you’re sad because ____”). If you want her to co-operate, again connect first, so instead of just telling her to do something, engage in whatever it is she’s doing. For example, “Hey what are you colouring there? It looks like a nice dog. After you finish with the ears, let’s wash up because it’s time for dinner.” Offer lots of choices (ie. if she doesn’t want to get ready to go outside “do you want to wear the red shoes or the green ones?”)

As for your own cup that is running empty, you need to make some time for yourself so you don’t feel overwhelmed and run down. I know it’s hard being a single mom but if you have a friend, family member, or anyone you can trust just so you can at least go for a 20 min walk, then reach out. We moms have a hard time asking for help. You already know that crying is a trigger, so prepare for it by thinking of mantras (mine is… “he’s having a hard time, not giving me a hard time”) and work on breathing exercises in the moment. Also try meditation after she’s gone to bed and you have a few moments of quiet time.

11 Likes

Consistency. Don’t show reaction when shes throwing a fit. After talk to her about it.

2 Likes

When my toddler cries to get their way I make sure they don’t. And then if they cry about it i ignore it all together. They will eventually move on from it.

2 Likes

I work with that age group… time outs/ naughty chair… 1 min per year old… explain to her what she did wrong… If she gets up put her back until her time is up. Use a timer so she can see

1 Like

Oh and ignore if u can as long as she isn’t hurting anyone. She’s trying to get a reaction from u. Walk away from her if u can

1 Like

If you coddle her after she’s in trouble, she’s gonna keep doing it because she won’t understand it’s wrong, if you say No mean it. Don’t pussy foot around they will walk all over you. Be persistent and consistent… leave the snuggly time to when she’s not being naughty and testing you

Remember what seems like temper tantrums are just her wanting to do things by herself. I try really hard to make sure that my 2 year old has time to put on his own shoes walk out to the car get in his seat. Pick out his clothes. But there are times I don’t have the time. It’s a lot of I want to do it but I can’t at this age. This to shall pass.

I had a hard time with that. My issue was that I was always trying to keep up with everything. Dishes. Laundry. Picking up toys. Doing the floors. When I found myself yelling all the time…I decided I needed to relax. The dishes can wait. So can the laundry. Sometimes cutting yourself some slack can help more than you might think. If you give yourself a little slack you might find it easier to deal with these tantrums in a better way.

3 Likes

Toddlers are basically selfish, it’s all about me and what I want. Perfectly normal. They have to learn and be taught, which can sometimes be hard to do​:scream::grimacing:. When my kids were toddlers and wouldn’t listen i tried giving them choices. They do understand at that age and it does give them a sense of control. Little things like letting them choose what clothes they want to wear. You pick choices from which to choose. Give an either or, choice to do either this or that. Like screaming…you can go to your room or you can be quiet and play. My kids are way older now, so it may have been a little different when they were small. I just really tried not to yell. I found if you talk to them in almost a whisper they were so curious they quieted down to listen. Good luck. This phase will pass eventually,:grin:

4 Likes

Depending on age, it’s pretty normal. Right now my child cries over every barest friction. We just don’t give in and try to redirect her to something else. But she literally had a flow blown tantrum when I told her she couldn’t have a second cookie until she finished her first :joy: She’s two and a half. At this age they’re super challenging and also don’t listen. Is she your only child? Maybe you can get a babysitter and go out for a movie or something to recover for yourself?

1 Like

I completely feel this. I’m a single mom of three. 11,6 and 1. The toddler is by far the hardest especially today. She has been very destructive. Sometimes all I can do is take a deep breath. When she is in bed I cry it out. I try to think from her perspective. She is one and she doesn’t understand how hard she is on me. It isn’t her fault. Hang in there momma :heart:

2 Likes

Watch a few episodes of super nanny

5 Likes

I’m a single Mom of a 3 year old. She was doing this and getting bad. I started instilling manners and teaching her not to be rude. If she wanted to have a melt down that was fine but she could do that in her room and when she is ready she can come and see me. That is when she gets a hug and told she is loved but the behavior is not ok. Now she is so proud when she uses manners or has “good listening” as she says lol.

We’ve actually learned a method of asking the two questions! It has been a lifesaver! Okay your toddler is watching tv. You need her to stop watching tv to get ready to go. So ask them would you like to watch tv for 2 more minutes or 5 more? Them once the time limit is up ask her would you like to turn off the tv or me to turn the tv off.
This method has become a lifesaver with our fiercely independent girl!

4 Likes

The world is full of all these things they want to discover, it’s frustrating for them too. My 2 yr old is at this stage right now, and a simple hug or joining in with whatever she is doing to distract her seems to be working at the minute lol Good luck.

1 Like

Ignore the fit, time out and calm voices. I know cause I can’t do the calm voice all the time but it usually works or at least it did on my first 2 this last one is a honey badger.

2 Likes

My son is almost 17 months old. I know he is still so little, but he does NOT listen. I tell him “no” multiple times about getting into the pots & pans cabinet/pantry and he just thinks it’s so funny and it’s a game, continues to do it over and over again. It’s frustrating but I try to remind myself we have to keep trying to teach him and he will learn, eventually.

1 Like

Clap your hands to get attention
Try waking before kid or staying up after that’s what I do. Mines 5 still don’t always listen

2 Likes

Pick you’re battles.

1 Like

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you deal with toddlers who do not listen?

If you figure it out let us know!

3 Likes

I’d like to know this too, I work with this age…

It sounds like you need a day to yourself. I call these mental health days. Every parent needs them. I know when I need a mental health day and it’s important for parents to at least get 1 day a month to just focus on them so they can come back and parent without being overwhelmed.

I’d take her to be around kids her own age more often or take her places to get her energy out. Days my kids are constantly fighting and whining I’ve found if we just get out of the house and go on a little free adventure they’re better behaved after and it helps me feel better as a mom.

4 Likes

Try just talking to her. Have her take deep breaths in and out until she’s calm or I like to say to mine ‘let’s calm our bodies and breath together’ this way I can collect myself too and then I go from there asking what’s wrong and working on a solution. If it’s because I’ve said no to something I explain why I’ve said no (keep it short and sweet) , when I’m done explaining why, I say ‘Mommy said no because…’ and I give him the opportunity to tell me what I said so I know he’s heard me and processed it!

2 Likes

My son is three and when he has tantrums I put him on time out. Keep a simple toy there not as any kind of reward but keeps him at least sitting in one spot. One minute per year old. I find it gives him time to calm down. After I tell him why he was on time out and have him say sorry and give him a hug. I also don’t talk to him when he’s on time out. That way it doesn’t turn into more screaming and then me yelling.

1 Like

I have twin three year olds so I know the struggle.

First, choose your battles, if you’re getting your back up over every little thing maybe consider if that’s the right way to be.

Second, be consistent. If your kid learns that if they cry/whine long enough you give in, then you are fighting a losing battle. Some times you have to go through short term pain for long term gain. Make sure you aren’t sending mixed signals about what behaviour is ok.

Third, try to find ways to take care of yourself and this is SO hard right now during COVID but ask for help and support if you can. Getting some weekly breaks might help you bring your best self to parenting

3 Likes

Lol my husband and I both are going through this stage with our toddler. It’s completely normal. It’s human nature to lose our cool/yell. I usually try to realize when I yell at her and try to explain why I’m yelling and that im sorry for yelling etc etc but🤷🏻‍♀️ thats toddlers they can bring the worst out in you. Just breath and try to regroup and explain and go on with it. If you’re at home and the child isn’t listening find a safe place to put them when they aren’t listening like a play yard or behind a baby gate if possible and sit close enough to talk it out even if they are pitching a fit. I sit and talk myself to a calm state and we eat a snack. Toddlers do listen especially to body language. Don’t be to hard on yourself A lot of us moms are still trying to figure it all out, just go slow and take small steps is the best advice I find that works so far. This too shall pass.

2 Likes

This website offers data based recommendations for problem behaviors

1 Like

Shoot I’m trying to figure out how to deal with a teen, pre-teen & a 5 year old who don’t listen!

I make my son it on the couch until he’s done crying (he’s very sensitive and everything makes him cry but that’s no excuse to be a jerk lol) and once he’s done we talk about what wasn’t okay or what he should have done and usually he goes and does it or he takes a nap lol

I used to put up with this from my 5yr old. I hate to say it, but once I started following thru instead of handing out empty threats for spankings his behavior changed dramatically. I rarely ever have to spank him anymore. I was calm, dealt with the spanking, and told him that I love him after and that if he stopped being naughty, the spankings would stop. Didn’t take long at all.

3 Likes

Okay so please don’t be so hard on yourself… Toddlers can be Very testing at times, we are only human at the end of day,and it can be very hard to keep your cool all the times.
I would suggest space and time, if it safe for her to do so,maybe in the hall or her room on her not right beside you… and let her calm down, with my daughter we use her buggy, we call it her “safe space” we’re she can calm down and self sooth. Doesn’t always work but sometimes does and when she is in a relaxed state she might be more likely to listen.
Also sometimes for your own sanity you have to skip over the small things. Like my daughter is my second child, we refer to her as our “wild child” she is super independent and very able, so we let her lead the way for a lot of things, so she dresses herself, feeds herself, goes to the toilet herself, these were becoming issues so rather by making it worse we let her have her independence and it defo helped in some ways.
Also at this age commutation is key,or they can get frustrated.
Good luck Mama- sounds like your already doing a great job… be kind to yourself :+1:

let her cry it out n put on some music. She wants control and if you give it to her now she will win Everytime. Remember your not her friend your mom! Let her know when she’s done crying she can come talk to you. I have a 32, 27 and 19 yr old and lots of nieces and nephews I had to deal with. Sometimes I felt like I was at a day care center. Or do like my parents used to do give them the evil eye :eyes::eyes::eyes::eyes: :joy: good luck.

I’m in the same boat. Single mom to an almost 3 year old boy. He’s starting to throw bigger fits now and I get so frustrated with him. And it’s hard to get him out of the house because he’s a runner and doesn’t listen. 🤦

2 Likes

When our toddlers decide to screech like a pterodactyl or cry like I flushed their favorite toy down the toilet - I give them a big bear hug.
Screaming and crying is a way for a baby or toddler to voice their frustration, whatever it may be.
A hug calms them down and they learn to use their words.
At least, this is what’s done in our household. Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

4 Likes

I get this way sometimes. I just try to limit my end of the arguments and if she isnt hurting herself i just walk away. Or ask her to go to her room until she calms down. It is very hard. I try to give her choices also witch helps alot.

1 Like

Age would really help. Crying is because they do not know how to express emotions. Tell her/him to “use your words, mommy doesn’t understand” . Kids don’t come out the womb knowing everything or how to deal.

Do not give in. Put her in time out. If that don’t work pop her leg and say no. If you don’t get a handle on this now you’ll be raising a brat

Even though I am exhausted (5 kiddos) I make sure to wakeup before them to do a high intensity kickboxing workout, make a smoothie or have a coffee or two alone before I make breakfast…not cereal/pancakes or junk with sugar but a healthy breakfast! I make chores a game, I take them to the park daily after dinner to run them out of energy alongside the games and all we play during the day. By the time bath time comes and teeth are brushed they are all exhausted and snoozing about 8 pm until 7 sometimes 8-9 a.m. We go somewhere special daily, usually places that cost little to nothing where they are hands on, learn without realizing it, and burns up energy. I no longer have a child that wears their Dollar Tree ears and my patience…so much better than I ever would have thought.

3 Likes

As a mother and now a grandmother, I learned structure works best for my family, It’s crucial to follow thru every time or they own you! It’s much easier to cave trust me on that,but if you can find the energy to follow thru with a consequence there will be less battles. This works better for ages 4 and up, toddlers is trickier so I recommend hiding snacks in the bathroom cabinet in a tampon box and especially chocolate kisses for yourself, you will need them! Hang in there!

5 Likes

Spare the rod spoil the child.

1 Like

I’ve learned to try to stress less about how long it takes them to answer me. Do I want my child to respect me and listen and obey immediately? Of course. But do I want my child to do that because he fears my temper if he doesn’t listen right away? No. I also want to have a good relationship with my child so he’s able to tell me how he’s feeling and why. I‘ve learned about positive discipline and it has made a great difference for us. I also hired a parenting coach and it was worth every cent. Most of the time if he doesn’t listen right away and I’m frustrated it’s because we’re in a hurry or around others who expect me to be teaching my child to obey me without question. I try to give him choices that seem like choices but really aren’t. “You can either go to bed right away or you can listen to one story” and I also use the word ‘and’ a lot instead of but. “I know you’re having fun talking in a silly voice AND we can definitely keep doing that after nap. Right now it’s time for nap” and if I feel myself about to lose it I tell him “I’m getting very frustrated because you aren’t taking a nap”. Does it take way longer to do things sometimes? Yes. But is my kid worth it? Most definitely. Good luck mama, you’ve got this!

5 Likes

It will take time but the most important part is that you keep your cool and be consistent. Decide what behavior you want changed and make your plan. Getting you upset is a goal. Set boundaries and express them to your child in a very calm manner. Even write them out and post them for your sake. Consistency and calmness is key. I learned to not let the child tears rule me. I learned to send him to his room to cry it out and then we would still go to the store. Good luck and prayers!

1 Like

Time 2 urself. I know that sounds impossible and mean but days where I find I’m at my wits end with my oldest not listening and just plain being a brat, more often than not the root cause is just being super mommy all the time and iv had enough. U need days 2 urself just as any other human does. My oldest often acts that way though when she feels her twin sisters are getting more attention than her. We have 2 set alot of time aside 4 her 2 make sure she doesn’t feel left out. So both my hubby and I spend set times with all 3 kids individually as well as together. U may not have alot of time or extra cash being a single mom 2 do just things 4 u and ur daughter but that time of doing things just u and her will make a big difference in how she acts.

You teach them to listen.

I have a 5yr old he can act out if he wants 2 but the games .phone and tv will not come on now chose how you want your day to be

Following my daughter turned 3 yesterday and her attitude OMG crying and throwing things when she is told no I would put her tablet up for a month but I told her if it continues she will get it Christmas day or on new years

Tyffanee Marsh any comment

1 Like

I’m a single mom of a 2.5 yo. It’s not easy and I still lose my patience with him sometimes. But I have to remind myself that he doesn’t know how to control or express his emotions In a healthy way yet. When he starts the melt down, I ask him if he’s frustrated (now he says yes. But he didn’t when I started) and I tell him it’s ok to be frustrated and that I understand why he’s frustrated (because I said no, or wouldn’t give him what he wanted or whatever the reason may be) but I remind him that we still need to practice good behavior when we’re frustrated. I try my best to hold space and stay calm while he’s working through understanding his emotions and learning how to express them. Everyone gets mad, sad, happy, hurt etc, it’s all apart of the human experience and none of it is bad. We all forget how to express our emotions appropriately (which is why I tell him we “practice” good behavior when we feel these emotions) and it’s OK to make mistakes and react inappropriately sometimes. It doesn’t make him a bad boy, he just needs more practice. We’re all human. With doing this over the last 6 months especially I’ve noticed a huge decrease in his melt downs, and I can usually calm him down before they get bad. It’s working for us, maybe it will work for you too. Takes a lot of patience and understanding, and be kind to yourself for “snapping” we all do sometimes. And perhaps explain that you two can practice expressing your frustrations and emotions better together :woman_shrugging:t3: and don’t be afraid to put yourself in time out lol I do when I’m losing it. I tell my boy that mommy is having a hard time with her emotions and that I need a time out. He now gives me that space and comes and checks on me after a few minutes, gives me a hug and says he’s sorry for not listening. We’re learning together every day too. I don’t put him in isolated time outs often. I sit with him and explain that his behavior was inappropriate, hurtful, rude, whatever, and that it isn’t exeptable. That I’m still here for him even when he misbehaves, but his behavior needs to change. Sometimes I let him cry it out and he’ll say “I’m done” then I ask for his recap of events. Why were you in time out? What happens if you do that again? And I hug him and tell him I love him. This used to be a battle for 20+ minutes. How it takes him 5. He’s in, reflects, apologizes and gets out of time out. The key is he’s learned to change his behavior right after 8/10 times. (He’s still only 2.5) but I’d say it’s working well for us so far :woman_shrugging:t3: my brother told me I “over explain” things to my boy that he doesn’t understand yet. Which is true. But he will understand and I’m creating habits and patterns for his behavior and expression. It didn’t make sense when I started and he still likely doesn’t fully understand, but he’s getting more and more aware of his emotions and what they mean, and how to express them. I’d call that a win so far. How some of my experience helps. Best if luck and remember to be patient. With your little one, AND yourself. You’re doing good mama. Keep your chin up. It will get easier. :heartpulse:

8 Likes

My daughter just turned 2 in April. I have started instituting choices when attempting to get her to do what I want her to do. Both choices I offer are what I want to happen but because she gets to pick her path it avoids a meltdown and allows her to feel like I’m giving her some control over her day.
Example for breakfast she may scream for cookie
I say maybe after dinner you can have a cookie but for now do you want eggs and pancake or do you want oatmeal and fruit? She then picks.

Playtime: no sweetie we aren’t painting today. Would you rather build blocks with mommy or play with your baby dolls??

All choices are what I am ok with happening, she picks the path

4 Likes

Give them choices.it will distract them from getting frustrated,sad,etc.if that doesn’t work I usually get down on my child’s level(eye to eye) tell her I need a big hug and we start from square one.i get a different result every time.good or bad.yes,I have times where I lose my cool but me personally I close my eyes,count to 10 and try again.its hard when you can’t understand your child and they can’t understand you,but there is definitely a neutral ground y’all can find together.which I believe makes the bond with your child/children even stronger.you got this.stay strong​:heart::heart:

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you deal with toddlers who do not listen?

Distraction and feed into curiosity so she already knows better

And if you mean “no”, don’t let it become a “yes”! No matter how much crying there is. Once you do that, they know it will happen every time. Never cave!

3 Likes

Being a toddler is hard, these behaviors are sometimes a way for them to communicate. They have very little choice in their days, we are always telling them what to do, how to do it and when to do it. They are also learning they have a voice. What helps sometimes is giving them a choice - when cleaning up, instead of just “Clean up your toys”, maybe try “what do you want to pick up first, books or blocks?”- she still has to clean, but she’ll have the choice in how to do it. Choices can be given throughout the day - what to wear, which food to eat first, which activity to do first (read a book first or brush your teeth first). Toddlers have big emotions, and struggle with this because they don’t always understand what they are feeling. And it depends too on what age she is, what she is resisting, and is she resisting because she simply doesn’t want to or because she doesn’t always understand what is being asked of her?

4 Likes

A schedule is important. Create one and stick to it. If you tell her no, tell her no and stick with it. If she wants to scream and holler, put her in her room and tell her she can’t come out till she calms down and stick with it. If you have a baby cam to monitor her then you can use that. Reward her for the good behavior and model it with her a few times so she can see how it’s done. It will take awhile but she’ll get the hang of it. Remember, routine is important to little ones.

My daughter was tested and leveled very high in comprehension and a bit lower in being able to communicate how she feels. It has been causing some issues especially in her responses to things. Causing “freak outs” maybe look into that and see how you can accommodate that. I know the process can be hard while trying to teach them, but I promise it gets better. And as they grow older they will learn how to express what they need to say and how they feel rather than just crying and getting upset. Good luck momma, I feel you. Just breathe

Being A single parent is hard enough and stressful. Do your best to set A schedule and boundaries. Don’t let her control you, you have to gain that control back and keep it. Idk what age she is, but if she’s lashing out sometimes its because she’s not getting enough time and attention from you because your working so much. Try construction paper and her favorite stickers so with the little things you ask her to do, let her put one of her stickers up. And for things that were tough, mark it so you know you have to try a different way with her. And after a week, two, or a month reward her. Whether its a movie, a little toy she picks out, etc etc… nothing ridiculous though. And let her know and show her, since you have this many stickers for doing/being good were going out for ice cream… you can pick out a book… pick out a new little toy.

1 Like

Make sure you have a schedule so wake up time , meals, naps, and bedtime are always the same day to day, also give her age appropriate chores for example pick up toys, then when you tell her no and she starts to have a tantrum put her on a time out or you can walk away and tell her when she is done she can come back over

1 Like

Replace the undesirable behavior with how you want her to behave & reward the acceptable behavior. Positive reinforcement! Be consistent.

Slap them and put them in bed

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you deal with toddlers who do not listen?

1 Like

ahhh man im in the same boat tooo! :orange_heart:

That is "the terrible twos syndrome " not normal but frequent behavior. I’m a grandmother I deal with this behavior hugging him and ask him to breath looking at my eyes and then I whisper to his ear “I love you…I love you” and ask him if he wanted to do this or that different at what he was asking for. God gave me more patient now than when I was a mom. I pray a lot now.!
Grown-ups don’t now how to deal with frustrations much less little kids. Please ask God for help and wisdom.

2 Likes

I am the parent of a 5 year old boy who has SEVERE adhd. I definitely yell to say the least. I dont want to but sometimes I do. I get angry and frustrated at times and sometimes I have to leave the room to cool off. I know exactly how you feel! I need answers as well lol.

Honestly each kid is different. When my daughter starts throwing tantrums or fits when things don’t go her way instead of yelling I walk away. I take couple minutes to compose myself then go back and discuss why she is throwing a tantrum and why things are done the way I say. Now with my son when he throws a tantrum he is trying to tell me he needs affection. (He typically doesnt have tantrums yet)

2 Likes

My 14 mo old son its going through the same thing. So frustrating :weary:

1 Like

I’m trying to figure that out with a 10, 7, 5, and 3yr old

Where do u put her for time out

How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series) Amazon.com

Read this, even if it’s a few chapters… it will help tremendously!

123 Magic book. It’s available in print and audiobook. Simple concept for the child to understand

When my son is screaming or yelling, throwing a tantrum, I ignore him. I only step in when he starts being destructive or could hurt himself. Otherwise I don’t give the bad behavior attention. Sometimes he feels better getting it out of his system. Sometimes he just keeps going for a while, but eventually he gives up. But the more attention I give his behavior, the longer it lasts. After he’s calm for a bit, I talk to him nicely, maybe put on one of his favorite shows or give him one of his favorite toys he doesn’t always get to play with. I’m trying to praise the good behavior, but also not connect ‘after bad behavior I get something good.’

We’re still in the stage where he’s testing what he can get away with, and unfortunately he’s like me and very stubborn/strong willed. I threw horrible tantrums that sometimes lasted hours as a child, so I know I’m just getting back what I did to my mom. :roll_eyes:

Is also like to note, my son is only 16m and can’t tell me what’s wrong or what he’s upset about yet. I can’t sit him down and have a conversation with him unless it’s just one sided. So for now, this is the only way I can deal with the situation.

1 Like

My son’s the same way. I’m working on not yelling as much and trying to remember he just only knows a few emotions and how to react.

Don’t give her her way all the time if you are, if you’re at home and she’s throwing a fit walk away. I always tell my kids to go to their room and they can come out when they’re done.

So, my son is 17 months and I have a 5 month old. My 17 month old likes to push buttons. I put him in a play pen until his is calm. Or if I’m trying to get things done.

I tell my tot no and when he cries I just watch him and hug him if he wants. Tell him, “I know you wish you could play with stove knobs all day long, it stinks” for example. There’s nothing wrong with walking away if you need to as long as babe is safe. Walk away, take a breather.

Or, re-direction. My son is loving to draw on the fridge lately and I just tell him that he can’t draw there but he can with this paper and these crayons.

Or, if he’s attention seeking and wanting my time I do my tasks with him like drying and putting away dishes. You go slower but 1) it gets done 2) he stops fussing.

Hope these spark some creativity because when you’re on a short rope it’s hard to read your babe and it’s hard to do the long hard right, but sometimes there’s quicker and easier ways. Hopefully you can work up to 1-on-1 time soon enough. Sometimes they just want you to read them some books or whatever. It’s hard.

Good luck :heart:

My son had trouble self regulating and it was so difficult. I had a social worker through early intervention help me. We worked on how I approached him and handled when he would “lose it” (I’m over simplifying) and a couple of months later the tantrums were less and now he is a completely different child. I am a huge advocate for early intervention.

Set boundaries and stick to it even if they throw a temper tanrum. Toddler stage is hard because they want choices and you can do that ( do you want the red shirt or the green shirt today, do you want apples or oranges etc) but on rules it’s not an option. Hang in there

1 Like

I’ve just started reading Love & Logic, hoping it’ll help us. Check it out! I also have a book to read next called “how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk”.

2 Likes

Turn off all gadgets and whisper. Do not react to the tantrum just pass her by and wait. You have to remain calm and stay off your gadgets too and just continue on with daily routine as if she’s fine offering her what you want to do and guiding her into the direction you want her to go. It starts now.

1 Like

Don’t let her get her way. Even if she’s throwing a fit, stick to “no” or whatever you say to her.
Redirect her to something else that is acceptable/ she likes as well if possible to avoid a tantrum.
Honestly, I had one of those XL playpens and I’d just put my son in there with some toys and a show on when he was cranky / not listing and I’d just go do something I wanted/ needed to do like doing a face mask or folding clothes that’s been there a week lol or make some coffee just to have a moment to myself. Baby will be fine for 5-10 min while you’re in another room :slightly_smiling_face: especially if you have a monitor or live on one floor, take some time for you even if it’s doing a simple chore.