Excuses excuses excuses is all I’m hearing. Once a cheater always a cheater. Get rid of the fool
It is possible to trust again, but it takes a lot of time, and a lot of heartache. My partner cheated on me with his ex for the first five months of our relationship, then continued to lie about it for another 8 months. At that point enough was enough and I slung him out. But then we talked, and talked, and talked, he acknowledged why he did it, he realised what he’d got in me and we moved on. It was crap for a really long time, I couldn’t love him and it was always at the back of my mind when we were in bed. We set up trackers on our phones, which helped, we kept talking, he let me check his phone when I needed to, we talked some more. Very long road but I’m now so glad I stuck with him.
Your chap needs to get help with his depression and drinking before you can even consider rebuilding trust.
It can be done, but be prepared for a rollercoaster ride.
Mental health issues are NOT an excuse to be a shitty person. You sound like you have been manipulated a lot. It sounds like you ought to leave, he doesn’t seem like someone who you could ever have a healthy relationship with.
Do you really want to live your life wondering if every time he has a bad day or something bad happens he’s going to use it as an excuse to sleep with someone else? It’s not worth the pain you’ll cause yourself.
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Don’t get over it…leave
You gotta throw the whole man away sis
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so how do you stay with a cheater, and a toxic individual… yeah, sweetie, if you want advice on how to damage your entire life, soul & existence, ask him… he seems to have you just where he wants you… thinking the only man you deserve to marry is… YOU GET YOUR ARE TRYING TO MARRY A CHEATER &!!! You need to talk to someone, cause… marriage, babies, threesomes, vacays do not fix a F’d up relationship… & that’s what y’all got. Woman, no!
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You never get over it. There always this little memory stuck in your brain you can not forget. Ever time he is late your mind starts running the gambit of who he might be with. This will drive you insane. Trust me it’s a battle you loose. It’s time to leave go, you deserve better. Drop him. Rent a U-Haul pack up everything and leave. I mean everything.
Mental health issues aside, cheating IS a choice, NOT a mistake 
If a person truly, GENUINELY loves you, they will not entertain anyone else,
Let alone cheat
You don’t ever get over it. You break up
You don’t. You leave him. Trust is important and once its gone its gone. He needs to help himself and you need to love and respect your self enougg to walk away
Don’t put yourself through that. You’d live anxiously every day thinking he’s cheating on you and you don’t need that.
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You don’t! You will never trust him again
Sounds like he gave you a lot of excuses and you fell for them. He drinks and does things he really doesn’t want to do? Seriously? Don’t be a chump!
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Once a cheater always a cheater. Take off. You deserve better.
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Wow I’m sorry. I rather be honest with you then sugar coat it you loose trust and no matter how good things get you just never fully trust again you will find yourself wondering and asking questions you would never have to if he hadn’t cheated on you. It’s not worth it it will always come up in a fight and it will always hurt there is truly no healing from it look at yourself your checking where he’s at and writing on FB for advice you already know it will never be the same again. Now the question is how much do you think you deserve do you deserve to be with a alcoholic depressed cheating man or do you deserve to be with a honest loving nurturing man you are the only one that can answer that. I wish you the best of luck hun may you find peace.
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Drinking is not an excuse to hurt someone. Take the trash out girl. You deserve better 
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Okay coming from the exact same experience of you…
I am still with my man. He had a drinking issue that caused a lot of problems and yes cheating was one of them. To the point and we lost literally everything including our home because of it. We took a little break so I could get back to life. He’s still here but he doesn’t drink anymore and he definitely don’t cheat no more. It all depends on call grown up your man is really. Is it going to continue to act like a child and cause problems then you need to get rid of him and now
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I would not give him another chance and I’d walk away. You deserve so much better than that. If he cheats, he doesn’t respect you or love you. There is someone out there who would absolutely cherish you. Don’t settle on garbage. And if you make excuses for him and believe his excuses, then that’s on you. He’s obviously convinced you that you’re not worth much, which is a complete lie. You are worth so much, so why waste it with someone who doesn’t treasure you?
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That guy is toxic. My bf of 7 years is extremely depressed too. It’s been a tough year. His great grandma died and it caused a huge fight between every greedy person in the family. Work has put a lot of pressure on him as well. He has been so depressed at times that he contemplates suicide and has even been hospitalized or it. But did he ever even consider cheating on me? No way. He loves me and just wants me to help him through this tough time.
Your dude is a pos for using his depression as an excuse for cheating.
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Addressing the issue of him drinking could be a good place to start. He’s an addict so he’s always going to have an excuse for why he did what he did but drinking isn’t an excuse to cheat. Sounds like he need to make his mental health a priority.
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Please take care of yourself
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Listen, this might sound harsh. But stop making excuses for him. It is not your job to fix him.
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“My fiancé has a lot of issues, and he’s depressed a lot, so he drinks a lot and does a lot of things that even he doesn’t necessarily want to do but does anyway because he thinks it’ll make him feel better, without thinking of who he’s hurting or how it’ll affect others.”
Let’s break all that BS down.
- having issues and depression are not excuses for being a shitty person
- your issues and depression are not solved by drinking. He’s an adult man and needs to seek help if his depression is so bad that he is making these poor choices.
- him drinking does not make him do these things. The alcohol is has excuse to try and get away with it.
- if he did it, it is because he wanted to. Period.
Don’t be naive. he is a grown man and he is responsible for his actions and that is the bottom line. You pitying him because he’s had a rough past or depression isn’t helping him in the slightest. He needs to help himself and the best way you can help him is by holding him accountable. If you want to remain in the relationship you’re both going to need help individually and as a couple. If he doesn’t want to get outside help them he’s not worth your time.
My ex husband cheated on me right before we got married. I stayed with him for 5 more years and I tried so hard to get over it, but never could. I ended up leaving him and found someone else and now I’m much happier.
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If you need to “ reassure yourself” by spying on him your relationship is already over. Move on and stop making excuses for him cheating.
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You don’t. Know your self worth and leave.
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Sounds like you are making a lot of excuses for him 
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Get rid being drunk or depressed isn’t an excuse for cheating
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I’m a believer that people can change but they only change if they want to and to do that they need to acknowledge what they have done is wrong and is 100 percent their fault their choice they did it . If his first call was to blame you then he doesn’t care about what he’s done
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Bounce, before your both on a sinking ship
This is why women will always be hurt and broken by choice. He hasn’t and will NOT change in a day. You are delusional to think you’re in a better place. He will continue to cheat and you’ll accept it because he so hurt. Leave him asap
“My fiancé has a lot of issues, and he’s depressed a lot, so he drinks a lot and does a lot of things that even he doesn’t necessarily want to do but does anyway because he thinks it’ll make him feel better, without thinking of who he’s hurting or how it’ll affect others.” Um, honey? That isn’t depression. That is a psychopath with narcissistic tendencies if he has convinced you that he doesn’t want to do these things but does them anyway and doesn’t give a shit about you. Run and don’t look back.
Bounce before you put a ring on it, you deserve better! I know married couples married for years and it haunts them
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You need to demand that he seek professional help for all his problems or your leaving the relationship. This won’t stop and if you want to continue to get hurt and watch him sabotage himself and this relationship then go with your thought of forgiveness. You didn’t forgive if your tracking him and if you keep seeking you shall find. 
You dont come back from it…
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You don’t. Leave him p
The trust you had for him at one time seems to be completely gone. Be realistic with yourself. He most likely isn’t going to change. It’s not your job and you can’t fix him. Stop making excuses for his behavior. It sounds as if you need to let it go and move on. You can have all the heart to heart talks in the world. Talk until your face turns blue, but it won’t make him love or respect you. You have to love and respect yourself first. You have to believe that you deserve better because you do. Until you know your self worth, no one else will. Guard your heart.
My husband cheated on me (that I knew of/found out) and I couldn’t get over it. I stayed 3 years after, tried to make it work and I just looked at him differently, I was so hurt because I gave him everything and did everything for him, it eventually turned into depression/anxiety and I had so much anger and eventually I found out he cheated on me many times throughout our marriage/relationship. We are now going through a divorce.
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It’s best you leave…
That will be your life everyday dear you never gain full trust it takes one new move in the bedroom your losing ur shit wondering if he did that with her. It doesnt get better buddy
Sorry but drinking or being depressed doesn’t make it ok, it’s an excuse and you can say no when drinking.
Girl stop making excuses for him, fuck his Best friend & his brother and dump his ass!!!
Don’t make excuses for him. Being depressed and drinking is still not an excuse for cheating. There is no excuse for cheating. If you choose to stay with him then you just have to move past it. For me cheating cannot be forgiven and I would end the relationship. But if you want to work it out then you honestly just have to forget it. You can’t choose to stay with him and then throw it in his face every time you’re mad. I personally believe if someone can cheat once they will do it again especially if you let them get away with it the first time.
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My husband cheated on me a few months ago. He got drunk at a party and made out with a random girl there. He has bipolar disorder and was suffering from substance abuse at the time, but we had deeper relationship problems. Still not an excuse to cheat. I don’t believe in “once a cheater always a cheater”, but unless he gets help for whatever issue he has going on and gets to the root of the problem, he will just keep cheating. I’d suggest individual counseling AND couples therapy. My husband has been in therapy for his problems and hasn’t touched a drink in over 4 months. I’m in therapy for PTSD from the betrayal. We’re both working separately and together on our relationship. We decided that we had too much to lose to seperate, so we decided to work on things. I still have horrible thoughts, zero self esteem, and trust issues from it, but our relationship is better than it was before. We both have each other’s social media account information and I’m allowed to check his phone whenever I ask. Whatever works, it’s not “wrong”. He cheated. He should be willing to do whatever it takes to build that trust back. But me and my husband communicate so much better now. Will the trust issues ever leave? I’m not sure, but I’m taking it one day at a time. Give yourself time to heal.
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You don’t. I’m divorced and I get along with my ex-husband but still don’t and will never trust him or what he says.
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There is no relationship without trust. You need to get out. He is blaming everything on his feelings. He does not need to be in a relationship until he has his feelings.
undercontrol. It is all about him until he can think beyond himself he is too immature.
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Umm you think because he’s drinking its ok to cheat? Umm no. Being drunk or trying to make himself happy is no excuse for cheating at all!
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I would have him get sober and maybe see a doctor for therapy or meds. He needs to be better in that aspect for you anyway. Then maybe even go to premarital counseling if you want to keep going towards marriage. I think if you have him do those things maybe forgiving may be easier and if he’s willing to then it shows he is committed to the relationship. I feel like if his mental state stays that way he’s definitely more likely to do it again. If he doesn’t want to then I think that tells you all you need to know.
Don’t make excuses for his behavior!!! Ppl can be in a bad place but won’t cheat on their loved ones!! U should be happy ur not married to him yet… this is just the beginning, leave now or suffer for the rest of ur life… if u can’t trust him now u won’t trust him later…
Isabella … oh boy do I agree with you .
It doesn’t get better. You start resentment and will never trust anything he says anymore. You’ll always be overthinking things and questioning it. Not only that when he goes to touch you your skin will literally start to feel like its crawling
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There is no excuse for cheating.If they can find where that thing goes then there is no excuse other then using an excuse.Despicable.God knows who she’s slept with and so forth.I always say,imagine the germs hes bought home to you.Cheating is repulsive and you don’t get over it,because you weren’t the reason he chose to do that.His Choice.Makes me sad for you because I’ve been there for many years and it destroys a part of you.Some cheaters stop some dont but we can never guarantee it unless we have track of them 24/7.If you put a location app on him then good for you.Your body is your temple,if that helps you avoid his “bringing home the icky” and cab save your health then good on you.Only you know deep down weather or not you will stick around for much longer.Makes it even worse when they take the vow and breach that boundary.Wish you well
So I’ve been the self-destructive one. The drinking and partying and doing things I shouldn’t do. And I’ve been in serious relationships (7yrs, 3yrs, and so on) throughout this stage…it was a long stage. BUT never once did I cheat on them. I’ve even been done, fed up but still stayed…but never cheated. I guess it was more about me as well…like I couldn’t live with myself being a cheater and my BF deserved to be left b4 being cheated on…no matter our relationship circumstances. What I’m saying is, if he didn’t even give you one thought while doing the act, what’s to stop him from doing it again? He needs to clean up his act. If you’re gonna stay, he needs to out in the effort to clean up. You sound very forgiving…but honey, you can’t fix him. You’re just enabling him. You deserve someone who sees your kind, loving qualities and and treat you the way you deserve. Know your worth…you have much to give to someone who appreciates it.
Sorry to say but it’s time to let him go and yes you’re going to be sad and you’re going to cry and want him back but let me tell you as each day goes by you’ll do better then the day will come when you don’t cry anymore and you’ll be able to move on just keep looking forward honey and say this too shall pass
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Do you really want to spend your life with a man like this…
Run dont walk run as far away from him as possible
I have been blind drunk many times in my life and NOT ONCE have I ever not known what I was doing. Stupid excuses from a broken hearted woman. Let the guy figure out his own mess and move on. 
Take it from someone who has made the same mistakes with a sober man, you never trust again no matter how badly you want to. What’s done is done.
Me personally I feel if you don’t have trust you don’t have anything. While I’ll give you my trust right away once you have broken it there is little you can do to get that back. Because in the back of my mind I’ll always think you are lying and cheating. Right now your wondering how you missed it, looking at past behaviors to see what signs you could’ve seen but didn’t and you’ll always be looking for those. I’ve heard some can come back from it but it’s rare. And I can almost certainly guarantee there is nothing he will be able to do to repair the trust overnight. It will take time and work on both parts.
For me the first thing he needs to do is own up to it and not blame the drinking. If he can’t take responsibility for his actions then we won’t change because there will ALWAYS be an excuse. And he needs to work to gain your trust back and you will have to work to trust him again. There isn’t an easy answer and it’s not really anyone can give you, you have to examine and ask yourself if you can eve me truly forgive him and trust him again. And you may not know the answer right this second, but if the answer is ever no it’s time to go.
You never do. They cheat once they will cheat again. People dont do anything they dont want to do even when they are an addict. Time to go
It’s never ok to cheat. I’d be bailing before I “accidentally” found out about more…
I can personally tell you right now if he is a drinker then he will not stop drinking for anyone and you’ll end up not being able to go anywhere unless he can take a cooler. If this is not the life you want or to bring a child into then you need to get out now.
He will use drinking as an excuse for why he wasn’t thinking straight and did wrong. He will beg you over and over to forgive him and promise not to do it again. Suggest counseling before you get married. You already know his ways. Are you willing to live with them, if not you need to let him know. It won’t change after you are married.
First of all, don’t excuse his behavior. You guys both can get passed that but he has to make it up to you and build that trust back up. He has to try super super hard otherwise it will get ugly u less you decide to leave.
Sweetheart I lived this for 4 years after my husband cheated on me. I thought we could fix things. I forgave him I truly did but the trust was ruptured so deeply there was no returning from it. After 5 years together I finally admitted it to myself and left the marriage. It was honestly the best decision I ever made.
It never changes. He will do it again. You will be the only one changing to accept the behavior.
A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it’s not going anywhere.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
There’s only one way to guarantee he will never do this to you again.
Don’t prove to him that you’ll stay with him if he does you that dirty.
He should have told you so you could move forward together. He didn’t. He lied to you everyday.
There is NEVER a valid reason to cheat!! It’s up to you rather you want to forgive and move on. The fact that you don’t trust him to the point you are secretly tracking him says you don’t trust he won’t do it again. Don’t live your life like that! You deserve better!
He knows what he’s doing
Now u just turned into a private detective… for what? To catch him right cuz u know u can’t trust him and that no way to live
Of course u are heartbroken and sick to ur stomach it interesting that he’s no way near heartbroken for his poor actions…that means u need to end it and move on
The other Issue he drinks to the point he’s unaware of his whereabouts… that’s so unacceptable and unattractive. Ur not his babysitter. Again… move on
I don’t believe the whole once he/she cheats they will always cheat. People are human and make mistakes. As long as it doesn’t happen again. Then that would be a goodbye, you had your chance. It will obviously take time but if you guys truly love each other then you guys will make it work. Maybe therapy could help but everyone is different. I hope you all the best! 
Once there is infidelity there will be no trust. You need to heal those wounds for you not him. He clearly has no respect for you. If you stay you will be the only one fighting for relationship.
Is this really assurance? Walk away sweetie…not worth the heartache.
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People cheat because they WANT TO. If you’re not going to be open minded about the idea of him doing it again then I would end things. I’m talking from some toxic experiences.
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The only “good” I read in this is that he is a fiancé… get out NOW!
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Tbh its sounds like you make a ton of excuses for him… he definitely needs to get help otherwise your wasting your time.
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leave him… you will be better for it.
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I’m sorry but him being depressed is NOT an excuse to cheat. That’s such a bs excuse. I can’t tell you what to do but good luck. Unfortunately cheating I’d never tolerate that trust is gone especially if he’s seriously blaming it on depression and not taking full accountability
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He needs some help. Professional help. If not this has no chance of getting any better. Even if he wants to he will only change for a while then go back to his old habits. He has to fully commit to getting help and changing or you have to decide if this is how you want the rest of your life to be like
When people show you their true colors, believe them. Take lots of time to reflect on yourself and what you’re willing to tolerate.
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LLLEEEEAAAAVVVVVEEEE
If he is self medicating his depression with drugs and alcohol and then using his intoxication as an excuse for his cheating, his problems go much much deeper and you can’t fix him. It’s not hard to not cheat on someone. He clearly doesn’t even care about himself so there’s no way he has the capacity to care about you at this point in his life.
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RUN, GIRL, RUN!!!
YOU WILL NEVER FIX OR CHANGE HIM. You deserve better than this!
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He needs help for his mental issues, and his addiction. You’re living in a ticking time bomb. If he doesn’t have the conscience to consider the harm his action will cause himself, much less others, just because he wants to “feel good” then he doesn’t need to be in a relationship. He’s got you right where he wants you. Where he can hand out half a$$ed excuses or say just the right thing to keep you on the hook so he will always have a fall back. Been in 3 relationships like this and I could’ve been reading about me. GET OUT before it is too late. Before there is a child. Before his anger comes at you. Before you have any reason left to “try” one more time.
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I agree with everyone else here. You can forgive a mistake over time, but you aren’t his therapist and it isn’t your job to fix him. I’m sure he has his own side of the story, but actions matter more than thoughts. Move on.
You don’t, you have to get out before you mentally drain yourself. Because it will always be on your mind! Always! Sorry to hear, but you can do way better! Even being alone is better then being hurt like that. Think of you and only you. It’s not selfish, it’s having respect for yourself!
Your making excuses for his behavior. He is accountable for his actions, period. He cheated on you and that is something YOU have to decide to live with. Know your worth. Live your worth.
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You don’t. You stop making excuses for his shitty and toxic behaviour towards you, and you find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
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You don’t get over it. And whatever mental issues are there, will become the constant excuse when it occurs again and again.
Once they’ve cheated, it’ll always be in the back of your head that it’s going to happen again.
I did the late night emotional talks after finding shit out and it still happened over and over.
The trust never came back.
Save yourself from the mental spiral that constant repetition will cause you.
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Wouldn’t usually comment on such things, but from a male point of view here goes. First of I would say he knows what he is doing, he knows his behaviours, he knows why he does the things he does, and what those behaviours could lead too, ultimately hurting you and others, yet he choices to continue down this self disstructive path regardless. Knowing where it leads, and the hurt it causes you, himself, and others. Why does he feel the need to be disstructive? He is medicating with alcohol, which is never good. Let me ask you where do you see yourself in say 40 years time, where do you want to be? We all know these women who put up ( with ) and shut up ( for ) a man… excurse their partners behaviours. Many women do that, then 40 years later realise they have never been happy… become dragged down by them, become empty… A shell of what they were when younger, their own personal hopes and dreams gone… Ask yourself what you want? What life you want? Regardless of his issues, it does not mean he should cheat on you or hurt you. ( I know many men who have depression and never have cheated and wouldn’t by the way) He knows how his behaviours are… leave him or kick him out… Demand that he changes, and seeks professional help if he wants any kind of future with you, tell him you are worth more than the way you have been treated by him regardless of his issues ( by the way we a all have issues ). He is putting you second, making you second best. You should never be second best, but put first, and are being unvalued by him. He currently has no respect for you or your relationship. Your only hope of a future and in fact option is to kick him out today… If he then thinks anything of you and the relationship he will make the changes and come back to you in a future time… This is the best thing for you, but also for him. In your heart of hearts you already no this is the right thing to do don’t you ? Good luck to you. Never get to the point of checking someone’s phone either. That’s not good.
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Forgiveness is one thing, forgetting is another. You will never forget. The mental picture in your brain will haunt you for as long as it takes.
I can’t believe you are making excuses for him! There are millions of men out there who are depressed, have stressors, multiple deep issues, and they don’t cheat. You happen to be with a cheater who seems to have convinced you he has a right.
No trust = no relatiinship.
You fuck his brother and move on.
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You won’t trust him again. And every time he does it, you’ll trust him less. I understand you love him (been there don’t that, not just cheating but abuse) but hun you need to get away from him before him mental illness becomes your mental illness.
My ex husband cheated on me on/off for 8 years. He was like your man, drank a lot and always had an excuse for his behavior. We got divorced 3 years ago. I may have forgiven him at this point but I will NEVER trust him again.
Girl he is just making excuses. Dump his ass and move on to better. If he truly loved you he would be faithful.
Key word fiance. Get the hell out of there.
Once trust is lost it can never be regained. Save yourself the heartache because you’ll never get over it. No matter how hard you try. I’ve been divorced for 6 yrs now and I’m still not over it
Couples Therapy and independent therapy
You don’t. Leave now while he’s still just a fiance and not a husband yet.
Always put yourself and child first in a bad situation. Even if it means moving back to family or even a shelter. That situation is bad and will forever be bad. You deserve best! Good luck!
You don’t. You are making excuses for his behavior and enabling it. What you allow will continue. Simple as that. Yes you “accidentally” found out about this one, But how many others have there been? If this situation happened to your daughter, What would you say to her? Leave him? Yes you would. Now take your own advice
People treat you how YOU train them to - if he/she cheats & you let them get away with it, they will continue to do so. You can forgive them - on the way out the door.
Don’t get married…
I wouldn’t say cheating means you have to break up, but I think his honesty with you and what he does to make amends is what matters. If he fought with you about instead of begging for forgiveness and promises to change then to me that’d be a deal breaker. You get one chance if the right words, actions, and changes follow. Maybe the idea of taking a break and him taking time to go to counseling would be a good option? However putting a tracker on his phone without his knowledge is not the best idea. If you expect him to 100% open and honest with you then despite his actions you have to hold true to what you expect from him and also hold yourself to those same expectations no matter what. Wishing you the best honey! Message me if you need to talk!
The only way to come to terms is to understand. But in developing an understanding of his behaviour you might at the same time start losing respect for his weakness (ego that needs propping up etc?). But at least you won’t be hurting so much.
Cheating is like riding a bike for the 1st time. It gets easier and easier every time. Getting drunk is NOT a valid reason. It’s clear that he can’t handle his alcohol, therefore, he shouldn’t subject his relationship to the “excuses” of a bad decision. The trust will never be there again. Move on.