Do you really want to spend your life with a man like this…
Run dont walk run as far away from him as possible
I have been blind drunk many times in my life and NOT ONCE have I ever not known what I was doing. Stupid excuses from a broken hearted woman. Let the guy figure out his own mess and move on. 
Take it from someone who has made the same mistakes with a sober man, you never trust again no matter how badly you want to. What’s done is done.
Me personally I feel if you don’t have trust you don’t have anything. While I’ll give you my trust right away once you have broken it there is little you can do to get that back. Because in the back of my mind I’ll always think you are lying and cheating. Right now your wondering how you missed it, looking at past behaviors to see what signs you could’ve seen but didn’t and you’ll always be looking for those. I’ve heard some can come back from it but it’s rare. And I can almost certainly guarantee there is nothing he will be able to do to repair the trust overnight. It will take time and work on both parts.
For me the first thing he needs to do is own up to it and not blame the drinking. If he can’t take responsibility for his actions then we won’t change because there will ALWAYS be an excuse. And he needs to work to gain your trust back and you will have to work to trust him again. There isn’t an easy answer and it’s not really anyone can give you, you have to examine and ask yourself if you can eve me truly forgive him and trust him again. And you may not know the answer right this second, but if the answer is ever no it’s time to go.
You never do. They cheat once they will cheat again. People dont do anything they dont want to do even when they are an addict. Time to go
It’s never ok to cheat. I’d be bailing before I “accidentally” found out about more…
I can personally tell you right now if he is a drinker then he will not stop drinking for anyone and you’ll end up not being able to go anywhere unless he can take a cooler. If this is not the life you want or to bring a child into then you need to get out now.
He will use drinking as an excuse for why he wasn’t thinking straight and did wrong. He will beg you over and over to forgive him and promise not to do it again. Suggest counseling before you get married. You already know his ways. Are you willing to live with them, if not you need to let him know. It won’t change after you are married.
First of all, don’t excuse his behavior. You guys both can get passed that but he has to make it up to you and build that trust back up. He has to try super super hard otherwise it will get ugly u less you decide to leave.
Sweetheart I lived this for 4 years after my husband cheated on me. I thought we could fix things. I forgave him I truly did but the trust was ruptured so deeply there was no returning from it. After 5 years together I finally admitted it to myself and left the marriage. It was honestly the best decision I ever made.
It never changes. He will do it again. You will be the only one changing to accept the behavior.
A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it’s not going anywhere.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
There’s only one way to guarantee he will never do this to you again.
Don’t prove to him that you’ll stay with him if he does you that dirty.
He should have told you so you could move forward together. He didn’t. He lied to you everyday.
There is NEVER a valid reason to cheat!! It’s up to you rather you want to forgive and move on. The fact that you don’t trust him to the point you are secretly tracking him says you don’t trust he won’t do it again. Don’t live your life like that! You deserve better!
He knows what he’s doing
Now u just turned into a private detective… for what? To catch him right cuz u know u can’t trust him and that no way to live
Of course u are heartbroken and sick to ur stomach it interesting that he’s no way near heartbroken for his poor actions…that means u need to end it and move on
The other Issue he drinks to the point he’s unaware of his whereabouts… that’s so unacceptable and unattractive. Ur not his babysitter. Again… move on
I don’t believe the whole once he/she cheats they will always cheat. People are human and make mistakes. As long as it doesn’t happen again. Then that would be a goodbye, you had your chance. It will obviously take time but if you guys truly love each other then you guys will make it work. Maybe therapy could help but everyone is different. I hope you all the best! 
Once there is infidelity there will be no trust. You need to heal those wounds for you not him. He clearly has no respect for you. If you stay you will be the only one fighting for relationship.
Is this really assurance? Walk away sweetie…not worth the heartache.
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People cheat because they WANT TO. If you’re not going to be open minded about the idea of him doing it again then I would end things. I’m talking from some toxic experiences.
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The only “good” I read in this is that he is a fiancé… get out NOW!
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Tbh its sounds like you make a ton of excuses for him… he definitely needs to get help otherwise your wasting your time.
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leave him… you will be better for it.
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I’m sorry but him being depressed is NOT an excuse to cheat. That’s such a bs excuse. I can’t tell you what to do but good luck. Unfortunately cheating I’d never tolerate that trust is gone especially if he’s seriously blaming it on depression and not taking full accountability
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He needs some help. Professional help. If not this has no chance of getting any better. Even if he wants to he will only change for a while then go back to his old habits. He has to fully commit to getting help and changing or you have to decide if this is how you want the rest of your life to be like
When people show you their true colors, believe them. Take lots of time to reflect on yourself and what you’re willing to tolerate.
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LLLEEEEAAAAVVVVVEEEE
If he is self medicating his depression with drugs and alcohol and then using his intoxication as an excuse for his cheating, his problems go much much deeper and you can’t fix him. It’s not hard to not cheat on someone. He clearly doesn’t even care about himself so there’s no way he has the capacity to care about you at this point in his life.
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RUN, GIRL, RUN!!!
YOU WILL NEVER FIX OR CHANGE HIM. You deserve better than this!
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He needs help for his mental issues, and his addiction. You’re living in a ticking time bomb. If he doesn’t have the conscience to consider the harm his action will cause himself, much less others, just because he wants to “feel good” then he doesn’t need to be in a relationship. He’s got you right where he wants you. Where he can hand out half a$$ed excuses or say just the right thing to keep you on the hook so he will always have a fall back. Been in 3 relationships like this and I could’ve been reading about me. GET OUT before it is too late. Before there is a child. Before his anger comes at you. Before you have any reason left to “try” one more time.
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I agree with everyone else here. You can forgive a mistake over time, but you aren’t his therapist and it isn’t your job to fix him. I’m sure he has his own side of the story, but actions matter more than thoughts. Move on.
You don’t, you have to get out before you mentally drain yourself. Because it will always be on your mind! Always! Sorry to hear, but you can do way better! Even being alone is better then being hurt like that. Think of you and only you. It’s not selfish, it’s having respect for yourself!
Your making excuses for his behavior. He is accountable for his actions, period. He cheated on you and that is something YOU have to decide to live with. Know your worth. Live your worth.
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You don’t. You stop making excuses for his shitty and toxic behaviour towards you, and you find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
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You don’t get over it. And whatever mental issues are there, will become the constant excuse when it occurs again and again.
Once they’ve cheated, it’ll always be in the back of your head that it’s going to happen again.
I did the late night emotional talks after finding shit out and it still happened over and over.
The trust never came back.
Save yourself from the mental spiral that constant repetition will cause you. 
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Wouldn’t usually comment on such things, but from a male point of view here goes. First of I would say he knows what he is doing, he knows his behaviours, he knows why he does the things he does, and what those behaviours could lead too, ultimately hurting you and others, yet he choices to continue down this self disstructive path regardless. Knowing where it leads, and the hurt it causes you, himself, and others. Why does he feel the need to be disstructive? He is medicating with alcohol, which is never good. Let me ask you where do you see yourself in say 40 years time, where do you want to be? We all know these women who put up ( with ) and shut up ( for ) a man… excurse their partners behaviours. Many women do that, then 40 years later realise they have never been happy… become dragged down by them, become empty… A shell of what they were when younger, their own personal hopes and dreams gone… Ask yourself what you want? What life you want? Regardless of his issues, it does not mean he should cheat on you or hurt you. ( I know many men who have depression and never have cheated and wouldn’t by the way) He knows how his behaviours are… leave him or kick him out… Demand that he changes, and seeks professional help if he wants any kind of future with you, tell him you are worth more than the way you have been treated by him regardless of his issues ( by the way we a all have issues ). He is putting you second, making you second best. You should never be second best, but put first, and are being unvalued by him. He currently has no respect for you or your relationship. Your only hope of a future and in fact option is to kick him out today… If he then thinks anything of you and the relationship he will make the changes and come back to you in a future time… This is the best thing for you, but also for him. In your heart of hearts you already no this is the right thing to do don’t you ? Good luck to you. Never get to the point of checking someone’s phone either. That’s not good.
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Forgiveness is one thing, forgetting is another. You will never forget. The mental picture in your brain will haunt you for as long as it takes.
I can’t believe you are making excuses for him! There are millions of men out there who are depressed, have stressors, multiple deep issues, and they don’t cheat. You happen to be with a cheater who seems to have convinced you he has a right.
No trust = no relatiinship.
You fuck his brother and move on.
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You won’t trust him again. And every time he does it, you’ll trust him less. I understand you love him (been there don’t that, not just cheating but abuse) but hun you need to get away from him before him mental illness becomes your mental illness.
My ex husband cheated on me on/off for 8 years. He was like your man, drank a lot and always had an excuse for his behavior. We got divorced 3 years ago. I may have forgiven him at this point but I will NEVER trust him again.
Girl he is just making excuses. Dump his ass and move on to better. If he truly loved you he would be faithful.
Key word fiance. Get the hell out of there.
Once trust is lost it can never be regained. Save yourself the heartache because you’ll never get over it. No matter how hard you try. I’ve been divorced for 6 yrs now and I’m still not over it
Couples Therapy and independent therapy
You don’t. Leave now while he’s still just a fiance and not a husband yet.
Always put yourself and child first in a bad situation. Even if it means moving back to family or even a shelter. That situation is bad and will forever be bad. You deserve best! Good luck!
You don’t. You are making excuses for his behavior and enabling it. What you allow will continue. Simple as that. Yes you “accidentally” found out about this one, But how many others have there been? If this situation happened to your daughter, What would you say to her? Leave him? Yes you would. Now take your own advice
People treat you how YOU train them to - if he/she cheats & you let them get away with it, they will continue to do so. You can forgive them - on the way out the door.
Don’t get married…
I wouldn’t say cheating means you have to break up, but I think his honesty with you and what he does to make amends is what matters. If he fought with you about instead of begging for forgiveness and promises to change then to me that’d be a deal breaker. You get one chance if the right words, actions, and changes follow. Maybe the idea of taking a break and him taking time to go to counseling would be a good option? However putting a tracker on his phone without his knowledge is not the best idea. If you expect him to 100% open and honest with you then despite his actions you have to hold true to what you expect from him and also hold yourself to those same expectations no matter what. Wishing you the best honey! Message me if you need to talk!
The only way to come to terms is to understand. But in developing an understanding of his behaviour you might at the same time start losing respect for his weakness (ego that needs propping up etc?). But at least you won’t be hurting so much.
Cheating is like riding a bike for the 1st time. It gets easier and easier every time. Getting drunk is NOT a valid reason. It’s clear that he can’t handle his alcohol, therefore, he shouldn’t subject his relationship to the “excuses” of a bad decision. The trust will never be there again. Move on.