I learned in a past relationship if there is no trust then the relationship is gone(friendship or partner). If you get to the point of needing/wanting to know their whereabouts all the time then its best to leave, you’ll stress yourself over it. I know this because my ex put a tracker on my car and found nothing because I wasnt doing anything other than work.
I don’t think you ever get over it either you accept to live with it or leave. Honestly though that’s not a life anyone should be living
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Lordy lordy. So many issues here. Cheating is never an accident. Idc if he was drinking or not. He knew damn well what he was doing. If you think for one second turning on a phone location stops him from doing anything you couldn’t be more wrong. If he wants to cheat he’s going to it doesn’t matter if you keep a spy cam on him. Girl you are in serious need of some self esteem so you won’t put up with this nonsense and STOP making excuses for this loser. GET SOME SELF ESTEEM please
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Do what you feel is best and we’ll be here to support you no matter the decision xx
It sucks that he cheated but it sounds like you are making excuses for him. There is no excuse for cheating. Ever.
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If you’re willing to put the work in it can be saved. If you want to talk inbox me.
It’s a deal breaker IMO…respect yourself more than to stay around
Sorry, if you need to check on some one, that’s. B.S. if I need to check on you in. I don’t need you and damn sure don’t want you. Always been to old for insecuitys.
Spying on him without him knowing is just grounds for him to do it again. Why go through all that when all you gotta do is leave. Why spy on him? If you don’t trust him just leave. I’m sorry but you can’t blame alcohol for getting into someone’s pants. Chances are they talked for a while prior to sleeping together.
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I couldn’t get over it. Not many people can.
Without trust in a relationship… isnt going to last long. If you’re already spying on him. You’re both in for a bumpy ride…
Can you fix a broken item (lamp) and it being back to 100% ? No you can’t unless you get a new lamp. Trust is broken when he slept with someone else
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Once the trusts gone
You can very rarely entirely trust again
And rightfully so
So be on your guard
You have every right to be paranoid
And he will call you out for being crazy
But
Trust your gut
A woman knows
I feel sorry for your pain doll
Owchies
You don’t accidentally cheat. And the only reason you know is because you accidentally found out. You’re always going to wonder where he is, who he’s talking to, and so on. And I’m sorry to say but if someone can do something so harmful to you and cheat knowing how hurtful it would be they don’t love you. You can’t hurt someone you love that deeply. I’m really sorry you’re going through this 
There are a lot of thoughts to sort through. I don’t want to share my experience with the world, but would be more than willing to to talk to the original poster, if they’d like to reach out to me personally.
Run don’t walk straight out of his life. 1. Already caught cheating. 2. Checking his whereabouts. 3. Do not trust him. If you want to feel better and respect yourself. Don’t let any grass grow under your feet!! Always go upward and onward. Bigger and better. Js!!
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Don’t marry someone who’s already cheating on you before the marriage even starts. That’s a habit that rarely stops. I’ve been there and you should get out now and just be glad you found out before you actually married this guy
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Cheating is one of the things I cant and wont forgive. My husband feels the same way. He cheats on me he knows that its done and over with.
I couldnt do it. Thats one thing I cannot accept. I wouldn’t ever be able to trust again so the relationship would be too toxic. If you gotta spy on him then you might be better off without him. Cheating is never okay no matter what.
You barely found out LAST night and an argument ensued for several hours BUT y’all are in a better place now?! Got it! 
You are in denial. He cheats because he knows you’re not going anywhere.
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It’s not even the cheating just sounds toxic. Drop it relationships aren’t all life has to offer
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Cheaters always use an excuse…once a cheat always a cheat ! Ask me how I know ?! Alcohol is no excuse for any bad behavior…but they catch on real quick that they can continue to use that once you let it slide.
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I see a lot of women on here saying the relationship isn’t salvageable due to the cheating. I would like to point out that I’ve seen several marriages where cheating has taken place that were able to be saved with complete transparency and counseling. Please don’t listen to the people on here saying it’s the cheating. For me, I feel as if he really needs to do some work on himself. I understand depression takes you to extremely scary places, even one where you look for validation outside of your relationship, but here’s the kicker. At some point a decision was made. He decided to put himself in the position to possibly cheat on you. He decided to drink even though alcohol is actually a depressant. If he’s clinically depressed and aware of it, he should also be educated on how terrible alcohol is for those who struggle with chemical imbalances(such as depression). He’s also making the decision to not get help for his depression. Admittedly, this can be a HUGE and HARD step for someone who struggles with depression, bit until he gets the help he needs(especially with what you’ve said his current coping mechanisms are) he’s going to continue to hurt those around him. Loving someone who doesn’t love their self is so, so hard. I completely understand why youre torn. I would advise you to please not lose yourself in his spiraling negative mental health, but know that stepping outside of your relationship doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you. Mental illness is absolutely awful and a lot of people don’t have the best coping skills when it comes to it. Im not really sure if this will help or not but I figured it’d maybe give you some insight as to what he may be dealing with. It definitely sounds like he needs professional help
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There’s people who can get over it, and some that don’t, The question is, which one are you? Just keep in mind this is going to keep happening, don’t think he’s going to change, you can stay with him but KNOW that’s how your relationship is going to be, or stay in denial and keep suffering, ultimately the decision is yours to make no one else can make that decision for you.
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you are single. you dont trust him. he is not the one. go get some new dick and then see if you want the old thang back, chances are you wont want his touch the same after you’ve let yourself be with another.
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You don’t. Trust was broken. Not good to stay wit a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater.
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I wish women would stop trying to fix men. He is who he is. You can’t change him. If thats what you want for your life, have at it. Otherwise figure out what you want and go for it.
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Run before kids are involved
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Once a cheater always a cheater
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I’m still in a relationship where I have been cheated on multiple times for the two years we have been together and I’ve had enough. You always forgive bc you love but at some point you realize that it’s just not what you want! You get tired of the drinking, the excuses, anything else they can come up with
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RUN! AS FAST AS YA CAN THE OTHER WAY! And what everyone else said! But seriously RUN!
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Honestly you can’t get over it. It’s always gonna be there. It’s if you trust that he won’t do it again that matters. Him blaming alcohol is him not taking responsibility and sounds like he’ll probably do it again.
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Completely personal. Some people can get over that stuff. Some can’t. For example some people are fine with open relationships and some could NEVER. same thing. It’s all personal and what your heart can handle.
Honestly it’s up to you. Whether your willing to stay and give him another chance to earn your trust back or not. If you do decided to stay make sure he knows that nothing will be the same until he earns your trust back. Have him sleep in another room or the couch. Let him know he needs to cut down his drinking and go see a doctor or counseling about his depression. Depression is an illness that can be helped and it’s not an excuse to use to drink so much that you’re an alcoholic. And let him know that he is to cut off all contacts with that chick.
I say leave while you still can. If he’s drinking so much it clouds his judgement and that’s how he cheated on you. How do u know he won’t start being physical with you or your kids in the future? You ain’t trained to deal with that and if he really cared you would’ve known about the cheating cause he told you not because u “accidentally” found out .
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You need to get rid. He won’t change. If you choose to stay with him you will be choosing to suffer too.
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You need to do what’s best for you, not him. Hes a grown man with issues only he can save himself. You are going to have your own issues to deal with the longer u stay with him.
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Everyone deserves a second chance in all aspects of life…
that being said, it is very hard, but can be done…
I’m a message away, if you’d like to chat in details. 
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You don’t get over it
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I hope you don’t put up with him you will never be happy some times you have to kiss a few frogs but you will find your Prince and be happy
Sorry to say but he wasnt depressed or thinking of you when he put his d**k in someone else, using drinking as a excuse is just bs, you deserve better than that!!
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Unfortunately you plan to stay whether you trust him or not, Your post basically justified what he did using his mental health as an excuse, If he didn’t want to sleep with someone else, It wouldn’t have happened, There are no ifs and or buts, So you either ignore it and play pretend, Or you move on and focus on you and your worth.
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Would he be so forgiving if you did it to him ?.Truth is can you live like this knowing he could do it again?.All these so called issues that caused him to do it are they sorted or are they still there if so how long till he does it again?You’ve switched on the tracing so you dont trust him ,time to walk away you will never feel secure.
You don’t. If they loved you, they wouldn’t have cheated on you. Shoot him and get a dog. Lol
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If you need to turn his location on for reassurance you need to just leave it’s not going to do you any good. The way you’ve written this says a lot to be very honest, just sounds like you’re making excuses for him. The fact he has issues and is depressed doesn’t excuse that type of behaviour at all!
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Please join a group called IT’S OKAY TO STAY - Healing After Infidelity
Its helped me a lot 
amazing people who been through the same
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Do what’s best for you. Not him.
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Excuses excuses excuses is all I’m hearing. Once a cheater always a cheater. Get rid of the fool
It is possible to trust again, but it takes a lot of time, and a lot of heartache. My partner cheated on me with his ex for the first five months of our relationship, then continued to lie about it for another 8 months. At that point enough was enough and I slung him out. But then we talked, and talked, and talked, he acknowledged why he did it, he realised what he’d got in me and we moved on. It was crap for a really long time, I couldn’t love him and it was always at the back of my mind when we were in bed. We set up trackers on our phones, which helped, we kept talking, he let me check his phone when I needed to, we talked some more. Very long road but I’m now so glad I stuck with him.
Your chap needs to get help with his depression and drinking before you can even consider rebuilding trust.
It can be done, but be prepared for a rollercoaster ride.
Mental health issues are NOT an excuse to be a shitty person. You sound like you have been manipulated a lot. It sounds like you ought to leave, he doesn’t seem like someone who you could ever have a healthy relationship with.
Do you really want to live your life wondering if every time he has a bad day or something bad happens he’s going to use it as an excuse to sleep with someone else? It’s not worth the pain you’ll cause yourself.
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Don’t get over it…leave
You gotta throw the whole man away sis
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so how do you stay with a cheater, and a toxic individual… yeah, sweetie, if you want advice on how to damage your entire life, soul & existence, ask him… he seems to have you just where he wants you… thinking the only man you deserve to marry is… YOU GET YOUR ARE TRYING TO MARRY A CHEATER &!!! You need to talk to someone, cause… marriage, babies, threesomes, vacays do not fix a F’d up relationship… & that’s what y’all got. Woman, no!
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You never get over it. There always this little memory stuck in your brain you can not forget. Ever time he is late your mind starts running the gambit of who he might be with. This will drive you insane. Trust me it’s a battle you loose. It’s time to leave go, you deserve better. Drop him. Rent a U-Haul pack up everything and leave. I mean everything.
Mental health issues aside, cheating IS a choice, NOT a mistake 
If a person truly, GENUINELY loves you, they will not entertain anyone else,
Let alone cheat
You don’t ever get over it. You break up
You don’t. You leave him. Trust is important and once its gone its gone. He needs to help himself and you need to love and respect your self enougg to walk away
Don’t put yourself through that. You’d live anxiously every day thinking he’s cheating on you and you don’t need that.
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You don’t! You will never trust him again
Sounds like he gave you a lot of excuses and you fell for them. He drinks and does things he really doesn’t want to do? Seriously? Don’t be a chump!
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Once a cheater always a cheater. Take off. You deserve better.
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Wow I’m sorry. I rather be honest with you then sugar coat it you loose trust and no matter how good things get you just never fully trust again you will find yourself wondering and asking questions you would never have to if he hadn’t cheated on you. It’s not worth it it will always come up in a fight and it will always hurt there is truly no healing from it look at yourself your checking where he’s at and writing on FB for advice you already know it will never be the same again. Now the question is how much do you think you deserve do you deserve to be with a alcoholic depressed cheating man or do you deserve to be with a honest loving nurturing man you are the only one that can answer that. I wish you the best of luck hun may you find peace.
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Drinking is not an excuse to hurt someone. Take the trash out girl. You deserve better
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Okay coming from the exact same experience of you…
I am still with my man. He had a drinking issue that caused a lot of problems and yes cheating was one of them. To the point and we lost literally everything including our home because of it. We took a little break so I could get back to life. He’s still here but he doesn’t drink anymore and he definitely don’t cheat no more. It all depends on call grown up your man is really. Is it going to continue to act like a child and cause problems then you need to get rid of him and now
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I would not give him another chance and I’d walk away. You deserve so much better than that. If he cheats, he doesn’t respect you or love you. There is someone out there who would absolutely cherish you. Don’t settle on garbage. And if you make excuses for him and believe his excuses, then that’s on you. He’s obviously convinced you that you’re not worth much, which is a complete lie. You are worth so much, so why waste it with someone who doesn’t treasure you?
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That guy is toxic. My bf of 7 years is extremely depressed too. It’s been a tough year. His great grandma died and it caused a huge fight between every greedy person in the family. Work has put a lot of pressure on him as well. He has been so depressed at times that he contemplates suicide and has even been hospitalized or it. But did he ever even consider cheating on me? No way. He loves me and just wants me to help him through this tough time.
Your dude is a pos for using his depression as an excuse for cheating.
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Addressing the issue of him drinking could be a good place to start. He’s an addict so he’s always going to have an excuse for why he did what he did but drinking isn’t an excuse to cheat. Sounds like he need to make his mental health a priority.
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Please take care of yourself
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Listen, this might sound harsh. But stop making excuses for him. It is not your job to fix him.
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“My fiancé has a lot of issues, and he’s depressed a lot, so he drinks a lot and does a lot of things that even he doesn’t necessarily want to do but does anyway because he thinks it’ll make him feel better, without thinking of who he’s hurting or how it’ll affect others.”
Let’s break all that BS down.
- having issues and depression are not excuses for being a shitty person
- your issues and depression are not solved by drinking. He’s an adult man and needs to seek help if his depression is so bad that he is making these poor choices.
- him drinking does not make him do these things. The alcohol is has excuse to try and get away with it.
- if he did it, it is because he wanted to. Period.
Don’t be naive. he is a grown man and he is responsible for his actions and that is the bottom line. You pitying him because he’s had a rough past or depression isn’t helping him in the slightest. He needs to help himself and the best way you can help him is by holding him accountable. If you want to remain in the relationship you’re both going to need help individually and as a couple. If he doesn’t want to get outside help them he’s not worth your time.
My ex husband cheated on me right before we got married. I stayed with him for 5 more years and I tried so hard to get over it, but never could. I ended up leaving him and found someone else and now I’m much happier.
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If you need to “ reassure yourself” by spying on him your relationship is already over. Move on and stop making excuses for him cheating.
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You don’t. Know your self worth and leave.
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Sounds like you are making a lot of excuses for him 
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Get rid being drunk or depressed isn’t an excuse for cheating
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I’m a believer that people can change but they only change if they want to and to do that they need to acknowledge what they have done is wrong and is 100 percent their fault their choice they did it . If his first call was to blame you then he doesn’t care about what he’s done
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Bounce, before your both on a sinking ship
This is why women will always be hurt and broken by choice. He hasn’t and will NOT change in a day. You are delusional to think you’re in a better place. He will continue to cheat and you’ll accept it because he so hurt. Leave him asap
“My fiancé has a lot of issues, and he’s depressed a lot, so he drinks a lot and does a lot of things that even he doesn’t necessarily want to do but does anyway because he thinks it’ll make him feel better, without thinking of who he’s hurting or how it’ll affect others.” Um, honey? That isn’t depression. That is a psychopath with narcissistic tendencies if he has convinced you that he doesn’t want to do these things but does them anyway and doesn’t give a shit about you. Run and don’t look back.
Bounce before you put a ring on it, you deserve better! I know married couples married for years and it haunts them
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You need to demand that he seek professional help for all his problems or your leaving the relationship. This won’t stop and if you want to continue to get hurt and watch him sabotage himself and this relationship then go with your thought of forgiveness. You didn’t forgive if your tracking him and if you keep seeking you shall find. 
You dont come back from it…
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You don’t. Leave him p
The trust you had for him at one time seems to be completely gone. Be realistic with yourself. He most likely isn’t going to change. It’s not your job and you can’t fix him. Stop making excuses for his behavior. It sounds as if you need to let it go and move on. You can have all the heart to heart talks in the world. Talk until your face turns blue, but it won’t make him love or respect you. You have to love and respect yourself first. You have to believe that you deserve better because you do. Until you know your self worth, no one else will. Guard your heart.
My husband cheated on me (that I knew of/found out) and I couldn’t get over it. I stayed 3 years after, tried to make it work and I just looked at him differently, I was so hurt because I gave him everything and did everything for him, it eventually turned into depression/anxiety and I had so much anger and eventually I found out he cheated on me many times throughout our marriage/relationship. We are now going through a divorce.
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It’s best you leave…
That will be your life everyday dear you never gain full trust it takes one new move in the bedroom your losing ur shit wondering if he did that with her. It doesnt get better buddy
Sorry but drinking or being depressed doesn’t make it ok, it’s an excuse and you can say no when drinking.
Girl stop making excuses for him, fuck his Best friend & his brother and dump his ass!!!
Don’t make excuses for him. Being depressed and drinking is still not an excuse for cheating. There is no excuse for cheating. If you choose to stay with him then you just have to move past it. For me cheating cannot be forgiven and I would end the relationship. But if you want to work it out then you honestly just have to forget it. You can’t choose to stay with him and then throw it in his face every time you’re mad. I personally believe if someone can cheat once they will do it again especially if you let them get away with it the first time.
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My husband cheated on me a few months ago. He got drunk at a party and made out with a random girl there. He has bipolar disorder and was suffering from substance abuse at the time, but we had deeper relationship problems. Still not an excuse to cheat. I don’t believe in “once a cheater always a cheater”, but unless he gets help for whatever issue he has going on and gets to the root of the problem, he will just keep cheating. I’d suggest individual counseling AND couples therapy. My husband has been in therapy for his problems and hasn’t touched a drink in over 4 months. I’m in therapy for PTSD from the betrayal. We’re both working separately and together on our relationship. We decided that we had too much to lose to seperate, so we decided to work on things. I still have horrible thoughts, zero self esteem, and trust issues from it, but our relationship is better than it was before. We both have each other’s social media account information and I’m allowed to check his phone whenever I ask. Whatever works, it’s not “wrong”. He cheated. He should be willing to do whatever it takes to build that trust back. But me and my husband communicate so much better now. Will the trust issues ever leave? I’m not sure, but I’m taking it one day at a time. Give yourself time to heal.
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You don’t. I’m divorced and I get along with my ex-husband but still don’t and will never trust him or what he says.
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There is no relationship without trust. You need to get out. He is blaming everything on his feelings. He does not need to be in a relationship until he has his feelings.
undercontrol. It is all about him until he can think beyond himself he is too immature.
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Umm you think because he’s drinking its ok to cheat? Umm no. Being drunk or trying to make himself happy is no excuse for cheating at all!
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I would have him get sober and maybe see a doctor for therapy or meds. He needs to be better in that aspect for you anyway. Then maybe even go to premarital counseling if you want to keep going towards marriage. I think if you have him do those things maybe forgiving may be easier and if he’s willing to then it shows he is committed to the relationship. I feel like if his mental state stays that way he’s definitely more likely to do it again. If he doesn’t want to then I think that tells you all you need to know.
Don’t make excuses for his behavior!!! Ppl can be in a bad place but won’t cheat on their loved ones!! U should be happy ur not married to him yet… this is just the beginning, leave now or suffer for the rest of ur life… if u can’t trust him now u won’t trust him later…
Isabella … oh boy do I agree with you .
It doesn’t get better. You start resentment and will never trust anything he says anymore. You’ll always be overthinking things and questioning it. Not only that when he goes to touch you your skin will literally start to feel like its crawling
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There is no excuse for cheating.If they can find where that thing goes then there is no excuse other then using an excuse.Despicable.God knows who she’s slept with and so forth.I always say,imagine the germs hes bought home to you.Cheating is repulsive and you don’t get over it,because you weren’t the reason he chose to do that.His Choice.Makes me sad for you because I’ve been there for many years and it destroys a part of you.Some cheaters stop some dont but we can never guarantee it unless we have track of them 24/7.If you put a location app on him then good for you.Your body is your temple,if that helps you avoid his “bringing home the icky” and cab save your health then good on you.Only you know deep down weather or not you will stick around for much longer.Makes it even worse when they take the vow and breach that boundary.Wish you well
So I’ve been the self-destructive one. The drinking and partying and doing things I shouldn’t do. And I’ve been in serious relationships (7yrs, 3yrs, and so on) throughout this stage…it was a long stage. BUT never once did I cheat on them. I’ve even been done, fed up but still stayed…but never cheated. I guess it was more about me as well…like I couldn’t live with myself being a cheater and my BF deserved to be left b4 being cheated on…no matter our relationship circumstances. What I’m saying is, if he didn’t even give you one thought while doing the act, what’s to stop him from doing it again? He needs to clean up his act. If you’re gonna stay, he needs to out in the effort to clean up. You sound very forgiving…but honey, you can’t fix him. You’re just enabling him. You deserve someone who sees your kind, loving qualities and and treat you the way you deserve. Know your worth…you have much to give to someone who appreciates it.
Sorry to say but it’s time to let him go and yes you’re going to be sad and you’re going to cry and want him back but let me tell you as each day goes by you’ll do better then the day will come when you don’t cry anymore and you’ll be able to move on just keep looking forward honey and say this too shall pass
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