How do you get over or move past resenting your partner?

My partner and I have a 1 yo and nb. He slept through me being in labor with both of them except the last hour. I raise my babies essentially alone and have to take care of everything in the home. I also from a previous marriage have a 3 yo daughter. I am overwhelmed with everything I have to do and feel like a single mother. He hasn't celebrated mother's day or my birthday 2 yrs in a row and at this point I resent him for so many things is there a way to get past my resentment?
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No not unless things get resolved/talked about and worked on otherwise the resentment will grow.

If you already feel like a single mom then kick him to the curb, it’s so much easier when you remove the deadweight! He’s essentially your fourth child, not a partner. I just went through this and hate myself for allowing him to disrespect me that much and in front of my babies.

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I mean this in the most respectful way possible… Why do you want to stay with him?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you get over or move past resenting your partner?

Slow down on popping out babies. That definitely doesn’t help

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find a new partner that will treat you better

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Communication…. Lots of open communication

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Concentrate on the good he does!

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Talk to him about these things. If you don’t tell him, he probably does not know that you feel this way.

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Why are you with him? If he isn’t there or do anything you mite as well be a single mom.

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Sounds like you have four children. Dump the dude. He’s bringing you down.

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So you have 4 children. One is in his adult infacy phase? You need to tell him exactly what you expect from the relationship. If he doesn’t see the need to change then you need to be a single mom for real for a while and when the time is right find a life partner that wants the same goals as you do.

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Babies don’t keep a relationship. Maybe slow down on that for now and if you feel like a single mom maybe you should just be a single mom and either leave dude or kick him to the curb and work on you and taking care of them kids. Connect with family again go live your life and just do that for a while before going into a new relationship.

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Ya for him to step up and stop giving you things to resent him for. This isn’t your problem, it’s his.

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You need to express to him that you’re unhappy. If he is willing to work together to save your relationship, then great … if not, then you need to find your own happiness. It sounds like you are already doing it on your own anyway.

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He’s not a partner. 🤷 Find someone who will be.

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Why are you there. Stop wasting your life shit ain’t gonna change.

Why are you still living with him?

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It honestly sounds like he is there for the meals and to get some hanky panky. :roll_eyes:. Your not a maid stop letting yourself be treated like one

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Its time for him to go, trust me it doesn’t get better.

Well I am kinda in the same boat. I have one daughter who’s 2.5 and he slept through my labor, always has slept through the night, I work full time (he does too) but I do everything. We have been together almost 4.5 years so I have made it clear I need a bit more help and he has stepped up. Sometimes guys need to be told. If he refuses then at least you know where you stand and know where to go from.

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And yet you had another baby

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Kick him to the curb!!!

You didn’t know that he was an immature selfish jerk before you started having kids with him?

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This is the reason why these men act this way is because women allow this crap. The question shouldn’t be about your resentment it should be about how you go about moving on and finding you someone else. Women need to take some of these responsibilities as well. If women wouldn’t allow this then this wouldn’t be a question

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You have to tell him how you feel. He doesn’t know unless u tell him.

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He’s acting like that because he thinks you’re stuck with him, because of the babies. I would leave him, you’ll be happier in the long run.

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I’m on the same boat, soon you’ll prob have enough and realize you don’t need them and throw them out. They are more work for you than helping anyway, well, here, it is. Some like to fake it to make it. Move riiiiight away from that nonsense

Sot down and have a talk with him. Things dont get better unless you talk about what’s bothering you. And coming up with a compromise.

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Not going to change. Bye bye.

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I left mine who was like that so :woman_shrugging:

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You can try counseling but in my experience it’s better to just call it done.

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The relationship is over. He doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t care about his kids.

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Nope. Nope. Nope. If I’m going to be a single mom, I’m not taking care of a husband, too.

move on he wont change

Divorce worked for me :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I’d leave. You’re basically doing it alone anyway. You deserve love and happiness. :two_hearts:

Tell him to make an effort with all the kids and you

Yea go get a 3rd baby daddy!!

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I don’t think it’s possibly. I still resent my husband to this day. One sided relationships will fuck you up.

Kick his ass to the curb he’s giving you all kinds of red flags that he is worthless doesn’t care about you or your children you’re worth more than that

Communicate, communicate, communicate. There are different love languages. Some people don’t see gift giving, and things like that as their love language. Have you asked him for help around the house? Sit and have a serious conversation. If you can’t come to terms then you may have to cut your ties for the state of your mental health.

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Talk to him about it first.

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Leave him. If he cared about you, you wouldnt have to ask for the help.

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Unless he actively shows you that hes trying then your going to keep resenting him

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By moving on and finding a real man that values and respects you as a woman and mother! You don’t deserve to be treated that way!

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Ya, it’s called divorce

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Nope. If your concerns aren’t addressed with him …it well only get worse.

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Stop doing ANY & EVERYTHING you currently do, for him. Just stop. Treat him the way he treats you. Chin up & raise your babies, if he won’t help you now, he probably never will. Throw the whole man away.

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Sit down and talk with him. Talk it out. Has he always been emotionally void and shut down? Does he have any children from a previous relationship at all? Could he be suffering from a form of depression that has made him just shut down? Have you noticed a change in him? Could it be a little bit of jealousy towards the children “taking up your time” etc? Have a chat to his folks, was he an emotionally withdrawn child? Just as us Mamas can suffer with post natal depression, sometimes the men folk have different feelings of depression too. Was he a “closed off” man when you both got together? Is it a new thing? I’m not saying any of these things are excuses. Far from it. But it could explain why he’s acting the way he is? Could you ask a trusted friend/family member to watch the kiddos for a few hours whilst you both take some time out to be yourselves and just sit down together without having to be “Mom and Dad” for a while and just talk? Sit and talk it all out. If at the end of it you’ve come to the conclusion he’s just a twit, then maybe think about your options on what to do next. But at least try and talk together first :two_hearts: Good luck :heart:

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Move on. Leave him.
It won’t get bettwr

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Truthfully when them type of feeling take over its over.

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If you haven’t made him aware of this and the way it makes you feel then you need to. If you make him aware and he does nothing to change it then it’s time to move on.

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No there’s not leave

Yes it’s called leave his ass!!!

Why would you even have kids with someone that you have to mother? They dont just change when you have kids

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Communication. If that goes nowhere, he a single Mama of 3 not 4 kids!

Yes replace replace man toss his ass out

Give him an ultimatum

Is he working? I guess it comes down to what is fair so to speak. If he’s working big hours and you’re at home with the kids I guess in some ways that is you both doing your share…he’s doing financial you’re doing the home. BUT he should still help with the kids where he can. Some guys just don’t do mother’s day or birthdays. Talk to him about it

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Why are you staying with someone that doesn’t appreciate you? Is he having an affair?

Get rid of the looser😡

Why have a second child by him? Clearly you felt this way before the second baby so…I guess I’m gonna be the B word and say it first off stop having babies with him! Secondly if you don’t already have your own income aquire some either a job or find something you can do at home to make money and thirdly get rid of the man child :woman_shrugging: I’d think you have already complained to him and have gotten little to no positive response which is why your coming here for advice, which usually means he’s not going to do anything to change.

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There’s no way to let go of the resentment if the actions causing you to feel that way have not changed. You can’t move on from something you’re experiencing.

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No run don’t look back, of course take your children!

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Are we married to the same person?? My husband is the same way and I’m to the point of I’m done. If you wanna talk feel free to PM me.

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Tell him what’s important to you remind him of what’s expected

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Does he work and you are SAHM?? Cause if so that’s your job and he’s doing his job? Did he celebrate bdays before yall had kids?? Some people don’t celebrate bdays and stuff? Have you tried actually talking to him???

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This is what is wrong with this country. Everyone so willing to say quit get rid of him. How about instead you Sit down with him and talk to him about your feelings and why you are resenting him. Go into with an open mind and really listen to what he has to say. You both might learn something about each other. I have been married for 27 years and have had many ups and downs Communication is the key

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Nothing changes if nothing changes. If he sees no fault in his actions nothing will change. If he’s not home bc work is demanding, be happy you found one that provides. I also understand bc my husband puts 110% of himself into work and I feel like a single mom sometimes at home with a 4y/o autistic son and a 2 y/o daughter however when we talk about it and communicate he gets it and things change… but that’s talking with him not when I’m so irritated that I just come at him. That gets us nowhere. Idk. In the end it doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinions are, you needs to do what’s best for you and yours bc the tension and animosity can be felt by the children and effect them and their mental health also and thats not ok. You need to figure out what’s best for you and your kids and what’s going to bring you happiness which will in turn bring your kids happiness

You Have a right to feel the way you do, from outsider looking in you shouldn’t have to get over your resentment!!!

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3 kids under 3. I wouldn’t have had the extra two yet alone the new born. You saw the signs before that 3rd child was born and ignored it. Gotta be accountable for the role you played also by letting him do nothing while doing everything.

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Sounds like a he doesn’t care about you. They are his kids. If my husband didn’t stay through all my labor and delivery I’d be so mad. No he’s not there for you not even a mother’s day card? My husband acknowledges me on every occasion. Find someone that loves you for you.

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I mean technically I quit worrying about birthday gifts once I had children. My husband works 50+ a week and I stay home to take care of the kids and the house(work) yes on his days off he does things I can’t do. Have you tried talking to him and letting him know what you’d like help doing?

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The only way you can actually move past resentment is IF your partner is willing to fix it by helping more and taking time to show you he loves you and appreciates you.
If he doesn’t it will only get worse.

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The word in itself is prob not what most people think it is. Re is a prefix meaning repeat, rewind, again. The word sent is a Latin word meaning to feel. So somewhere along the way you have had the feeling of being super alone. When he is doing this you are refeeling this same fear over and over. I have a solution to this tho if you are willing you can take a personal inventory and I promise it will take it away if you would like to just pm me and I can send you the format. Unfortuntly this isn’t going to make him step up however it will help rid you of the resitment. And maybe be able to see why he is not doing what’s right.

Counseling, communication or. You can do bad all by yourself. You don’t need his help for that. :woman_shrugging:t2:

You let this get to this point. Why did you think things would change when you added a third kid to the equation ? & okay if you take care of everything what does he do ? Why don’t you get a job & he watches the kids

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Unfortunately you have 4 children not 3. If he can’t be an active participant in your family why is he a part of it??

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Kick him to the curb and find one that helps you with things.
That’s how.

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Just get rid of him.

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Tell him and if he doesn’t I would say you might want to consider leaving, you’re already doing it all on your own pretty much and if he can’t see that it hurts you and he needs to help out with the kids more well you can’t beat a dead horse. Maybe try not celebrating his bday or Father’s day let him walk in your shoes a bit

Talk to him. Firmly. Not yelling but be firm. If he’s not willing to listen or work on anything maybe try marriage counseling. And if he still won’t change then it may be time to think about separation. It’s not your fault he’s not helpful but men can’t read minds. You have to tell them what you need.

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I’d feel the exact same as you but I wouldn’t want to stay with someone like that tbh

Pray then counseling, he doesn’t try or work at it you can do it on your own. I had too. He refused to help, to do with the kids. Or even small tasks. Eight hrs and laid the rest watching TV or sleeping. Don’t wait til it breaks you. Good luck

Counseling for you. You sound like a martyr as well. Prayers

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I’ve been through this.
For me, there was no moving past it.
He an I grew apart, I grew up. He didn’t.
We ended up resenting eachother, an ultimately broke up.
10 years, and 3 kids later.
He off living his best life, while 3 years later, I’m still picking up the pieces of mine.
Honestly mama, I wish I had advice to give you.
But truly, all I can tell you, follow your heart.
If you feel he isn’t going to change, chances are, he isn’t.:pleading_face::heart:

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I never got over it - I was married 48 yrs and had 5 children - never ever helped me

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Talk to him… If that doesn’t help do couples counseling. If that doesn’t work out either. Leave him home with all 3 kids and go do your errands🤷 I am having the same issue with my man.

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Why wouldn’t you resent it? Question is why would you have another baby with this man when you already knew from having your 1 year old what you could expect from him?
Nothing will change as long as you continue to do everything. You basically give him permission to do that because you aren’t demanding anything different.
Getting over resentment will only happen if you require him to do more and do better. I suggest counseling to see if that can improve but if he doesn’t start making small changes and growth ,effort with counseling, you’ll need to ask yourself how long you want to live this way without change.

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Nope, been there, it only gets worse with their actions

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Yes…leave him. Seriously, he shows no sign of change, remorse, love, n support, yr gonna need to numb it out n not show emotion to maintain yr sanity or leave. Good luck

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I mean… is there a reason you’re actually with him? Cus from what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like he’s adding anything to your life other than giving you someone else to have to clean after. So seems like you’d be better off on your own with 1 less “child” to take care of :woman_shrugging:

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Dang, he needs to grow up. My ex got angry bc he was tired after my c section so I offered him the hospital bed to sleep to get him to stfu and stop arguing in front of my newborn, and he took it. I had to sit in a hard plastic chair for the rest of the night. I wish I’d have had him kicked out.

I wouldn’t waste my time. Your already doing everything in your own mine as well find someone that’s actually going to value and appreciate you and what you do. I know it’s hard to leave but maybe that’s just what you need to do.

I hate to ask this, hve you spoken to him about how you,feel??

Leave they will never grow up if they started that crap.

Hes a man child. It won’t get better. Move on.

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Quit having babies with him! And then leave… smdh

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