It sounds like you do have a problem with his son, and his mother for that matter. I have two step children , and from experience If you want to be with this man you will always have to deal with her and you need to accept that. Telling him how to deal with her will cause a rift between them (that he obviously doesn’t want to deal with, and you obviously want to cause) you need to do some self evaluation because you can’t expect his son to come to your house and respect you when you obviously don’t respect him. You have to give respect to get respect EVEN WITH CHILDREN. You need to understand his perspective and if you can’t do that you don’t need to be a step-parent. Because the way you even wrote this out is all wrong it isn’t “his son” it’s your son too 
If he’s belittling you and calling you names in front of not only his son but your child as well then his baby momma is the least of your true worries. He has 0 respect for you in general.
Its called no child support at all if its 50/50
It sounds like you are fighting a losing battle, too bad you didn’t get all that worked out before you had a kid with this guy. Either accept the fact that you are not going to change things, or get out.
It’s great that he is getting more, or will be getting more time with his son. I’d say before getting the courts involved and changing the support agreement, see how it goes for a few weeks and see if it will be a permanent thing. If his son doesn’t adjust well in your home, or goes back to mom, then everything was changed in the courts for nothing. Also, it’s a sensitive subject for him because that’s his son, and he doesn’t want to feel like you’re coming between that. So maybe approach it differently. Conversations can go completely different if you approach it differently.
First of all, he isnt paying child support because he has visitation with his son. Visitation doesn’t = money. Secondly if he had him a week and his mom has him a week typically there would be no child support unless 1 parent makes a lot more than the other. Now it does actually sound like you do have a problem with the situation whether you want to admit it or not. You have to realize his son and the mom are going to be in your lives basically forever so you can either accept it or leave. Just please stop complaining about the child support. You knew when you got with that man that he had the kid.
I let my husband make the financial decisions about his kids. If he feels like she needs the money to make sure she keeps lights on, or whatever to make sure his kids are taken care of. It’s not about the mom in my opinion, does the child need it? Now with that being said, I do want to say, you feeling the way you feel is not wrong. Step parenting is hard. I’m a mom and step mom, and I have to deal with my daughter’s step mom which happens to be one of my best friends. Maybe, try to learn a situation a little, if you don’t know it already. Maybe, your husband feels like he has to help her either way. Try not to make him feel bad for his feelings, just like he shouldn’t make you feel bad for yours. Communication is a huge key here! 
good luck to you and breathe! Oh, and as for rules. There should be rules! Maybe, y’all having the child a week at a time, can help with those!
So the first issue is youre married to a bad man. He shouldn’t be talking to you like that in any situation…he’s clearly not doing what he needs to do. Get your child and leave him with his mess.
She would not have to pay him child support because, you guys are taking him for a week at a time. That’s not how the system works.
Seems like you’re over stepping boundaries. Mind your own business. He’s not your son, his mom and dad make the rules for him, not you. Hopefully you and your husband would be on the same page when it comes to rules, but if you don’t, inevitably it’s his son, so he should have last say in his rules
If you’re willing to stay and work on it, the kiddo is old enough to sit down with both of you and come up with some “family rules.” Talk about a bedtime routine, chores, expectations, etc. Make it family oriented and everyone follows the rules. That way it doesn’t look like you’re being demanding just of his son. Part of being in a split home is figuring out rules and expectations of both places. That can be tricky for kids, especially when both homes are run very differently. Have patience with the kid and try to pick your battles. They aren’t ALL worth fighting.
Just bc he would have more time doesn’t mean she would have to pay him support. It could get his lowered tho
Sounds like you do have a problem with the son… Sorry not sorry, it’s the weekend and possibly summer break let the kids have fun. Maybe tell him hey don’t stay up past 10 and don’t wake up 2 y/o just maybe try to connect with the son more or if you can’t handle the package deal just leave
Woman please read this again. You need to leave this situation ASAP! I think I know y the ex left your husband tbh it’s cause he was abusive towards her too! He’s verbally mentally and emotionally abusing you n he’s teaching his son how to do it! His son has learned to treat women like shit so now this child does it to his own mother . Girl leave leave leave!
I think you have valid concerns with the child’s behavior. But you are going about bringing it up the wrong way. These issues should NEVER be brought up in front of the child. The child is unfortunately going to see it as you attacking his mom and maybe if you brought these concerns up in a private and calm manner your husband wouldn’t get as upset. You both need to be on the same page for what’s going to be best for the kid and your husband may need a bit to transform from part time fun dad to actually having to parent. You may need to take a step back and gently point out things that you deem unacceptable and you both need to compromise on what will work for you.
I have 2 stepdaughters who love me. I don’t get involved in the parenting of the girls. I’m there friend and confidant not their parent. Mind your own business and let them decide what’s best, it’s none of your business.
This will be a fight forever. The damage has already been done. My only advice is to just learn to live with it and hope your husband sees what a problem his son is by allowing it or leave now. Personally, I’d already be gone by what you said about him abusing you verbally in front of the kid. Because he just taught his son how to treat you
Your husband sounds like an ass. But the boy is 10 and things will change as he gets older. Don’t fight and focus on making both children feeling loved. It is what it is and you knew he had another child with someone else. Choose your battles wisely and try to be fun.
First of all, that man needs to be punched in the mouth for speaking to ANY person that way, let alone his wife! MISS ME! Second I would make it clear to your husband that you don’t have a problem with his son but you do have a problem with his child’s lack of parenting.
Also your husband is a narcissist.
Custody and child support are 2 very different things. Even when My son when you his dads for a month. His dad was still responsible for the his child support. Because I was still his primary caretaker. You can fight this all you want but at the end of the day your not going to get what you want.
Just leave it alone. If all you are worried about is the child support then drop it. Obviously he isn’t stupid and he knows what you are saying but he has no problem with it so just leave it be …
Sadly your just the step parent. You have no say. You should have discussed this before having a child with this man. Either love the kid, let go of what you can’t control or leave and let them handle their stuff. It’s not easy but if you live him then make it work.
Look up child custody circumstances and such. Bookmark what you find useful. Sit him down and tell him you want to talk. Not fight and argue. Tell him your only intrest is in what’s best for his son. If you get him every other week then that’s a cause for removing child support. My bf has two weeks on and two weeks off which essentially is what it sounds like yall would be doing just every other week instead of two week at a time and neither parent pays child support. If he was smart he’d keep most of his conversations with his ex to text instead of in person so that if need be it can be used in court later. He should get it in text that she wants to let him take the kids every other week that way if he notifys court and asks to remove child support and she suddenly goes back on her word, you have proof of it. But in all honesty he sounds like he resents you for trying to be a stern parent and enforce good behavioral rules with your bonus son. Idk. I wouldn’t last long if my bf treated me that way over my bonus kids. But i treat them like my own same rules and everyrhing. 
Don’t pack your bags. Why should you leave? 
why can’t he leave.
Whewww, Ive been there and I let his ass know he could formulate a plan with me to get his son in line, or we could not be together. I moved into my own place and we’re finally working it out, but the only thing worse than an undisciplined child is the parent that condones it. These kids only know what they’re taught. If he lives you, he’ll compromise
You guys need to be on the same page and if he is living in your home as well where you provide ect then you have say in the rules in your home. My husband respects me and listens to my opinion in the end it’s up to him how he wants to deal with the ex. It does get easier. Also it’s very clear I love his older kids like I love ours. I’d do anything for them and once everyone involved realized that and hard feelings were gone it got easier.
Hubby is a jerk and is so selfish to act like this is none of your business. It is your life and your shared child’s life too. Mine did this and it almost destroyed us. I literally had to back out of the situation and put it ALL on him, even the child care, 100%.
Don’t tell me I’m stupid, don’t tell me I don’t have a say in my own life, don’t tell me my other children aren’t affected negatively. I fought back hard. I fought hard for a solution, not to be right. We didn’t find a great one before the psycho mom took off with him for several years. I would still do the same thing, but sooner. My kids and I were hurt by the whole thing and I still struggle with resentment from the past. It’s my/our home too and I don’t think it’s right that anyone should have to lose their comfort and stability due to someone else’s selfishness and guilt about the other kid.
I have stepkids as well as bio kids, they are all treated the same and that means having the same exact rules when here.
Sounds like you are jealous and bitter cause this is the way my exes wife is
No point in her paying him and then he pays her…thats no logic. If they are having him a week each in rotation then nobody should be paying maintenece if custody is 50/50. You just go halves on school trips, shoes, clothes etc as and when its needed. And if he stays at your house, as a couple its your house rules, but you have.no right to dictate the rules at his mums house!
For of all you should not be talking about those things in front of the child why can’t you all talk about it when he isn’t around makes me think you really are the problem second it’s summer using children go to the non custodial parent’s house for a month or so and the other isn’t expected to pay child support just for you info 3rd you have to talk to your husband about rule and him respecting you as his wife and a person with opinion 4th you have to understand that his child will always be first if you don’t like it will be a good idea to walk away before that talk to him about how he should respect you and how it’s your house too and that means anyone in it must respect and follow your rules to or if he is willing to lose you and your 2 year old over something that can easily be fixed
A couple things-
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Having his son more won’t prompt the courts to make mom give CS. It could however lower his, but it could however raise it ( depending on how the CS agency works). That’s a sticky situation.
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You share a child with him, so what your child sees going on, they’ll eventually believe the actions big brother gets away with, are acceptable actions to follow. He should have 1 set of rules & boundaries in the home, regarding both children (age appropriate of course).
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Let him parent with the mom, and let him know that you’re not his punching bag, therefore, whatever happens between them, is on them; and at that point he can’t complain to you, or about the situation he’s allowing.
The last thing you want is a child feeling entitled to run the parents. It not only makes the situation harder, but it also opens the door for your biological child to ask why the same forgiveness isn’t given when talking about bad behavior. This will be a life long battle, trust me I’m 11 years into something very similar. It doesn’t change until he gets tired of it, or he starts to see what you’re talking about. And, that may take a while. Right now, we are dealing with a child who feels she has the entitlement to make her own decisions, tell her parents what she’s going to do, instead of asking; and demanding we as adults accommodate her “social life”. At that point, I washed my hands of it. I used to be this child’s go to person, and now, she can confide in her parents because I realized it took a lot of time away from my two biological children, and I’m not allowing their lives to be run around their sisters demands. As a step-parent, you can either be overly involved or not involved in the fights. I chose to wash my hands of it like I said, it’s no longer worth my time ( the fights), it’s no longer worth my health because it gives me really bad anxiety. My husband, just now, got on board with just washing his hands. That didn’t mean give up on the child, but all the BS that comes with said child, yes.
If this is the whole story, then your husband is a childish ass! There had to be respect for your feelings and mutual parenting with you both, same rules everything. There is no way in hell id6 be treated like that. Especially in front of the kid, in my home.
Its deff hard. Baby mama is very bitter towards me, thinks husband only cares about new child(1yo) and complains she doesn’t get enough money from him… she’s very hard to try and even coparent with, calls me every name in the book. I wish i can say it gets easier but we been dealing with this for over 3 years now
I stay out of everything between my husband and his daughter’s mom. He’s gotta deal with her and her bull—, he doesn’t need grief from you. Don’t be that woman trying to make everything an eye for an eye. Some stuff isn’t fair but a lot of fathers keep their mouths shut about it to not disturb the peace. However, I WOULD NEVER allow him to speak to me that way. Also, maybe having your step son now for a week at a time is a good time to try to start helping him develop better habits. Treat him as if he were your own. Then your husband can never hold that against you.
Him belittling you all the time isn’t good but it also sounds like you have an issue with the 10 yr old boy. There are many other factors looked at when determining child support. What the mother makes, what the father makes, who is the custodial parent, how many days a year each parent gets with the child, who covers health insurance, etc. If he is going to start getting him more it may lower the child support but that doesn’t mean she starts paying if she is still the custodial parent and it’s not changed by the courts.
I would have a talk with your husband and him and his ex need to talk about having similar rules in both households and make sure you both have ground rules at your home. It’s difficult when kids have to bounce from one parents house or another especially when there are different rules. It also helps to spend some one on one time with the son if you don’t already.
If he is doing that now it won’t ever change something to think about
He should never talk to you like that in front of kids. There should be rules at dads house. I think the boy should be able to stay up as long as dad is up. Not no 9pm bedtime on weekends at least. To each their own but I could NEVER stay with a man that tells me to shut the fuck up or belittle me, especially in front of kids. This kid and possibly yours will NEVER have respect for you and any lady if they see this. No wonder he does not listen to his mom at home.
Honestly you just need to stay out of it. How the child is raised is up to mom and dad. You can give your opinion, but it’s not your place to make demands.
You need to start respecting the MOTHER of his kid and not calling her a “baby momma”
To me it came off as you care only about the money. That’s all you’re worried about.
She wouldn’t pay you anything he’d just pay less, it’s good having an opinion but probably best just to
Leave him to it if it’s causing issues.
I’ve been dealing with this for 4 almost 5 loooooong years! My husband has kids from a previous marriage and he and I have one together. His ex wife/baby mama is a real piece of work!!! At least you only have to pay $100/week. We have to pay $750/month and we have them just as much as she does….it’s always going to be an issue, TRUST ME! No one knows how it feels until you’re in this position! It sucks!! I feel for you, I really do. I wish you the best of luck!
I’m sorry I’m completely disagree with some of these comments telling her to let it go , why should she let it go ,this was me for years I paid for everything food clothes all essentials birthday Christmas and even paid to keep a car on the road so he could pick his son up and take him home so your dam right I’m going to have a say about what goes on in our house , what are they going to do when there child is older have one set of rules for that kid and one for his son because he doesn’t want to upset the sons mother sorry wouldn’t be me , I ended up at the point where he was asked to leave as I couldn’t get anywhere with him and I’m telling u best decision I ever made , u can’t have a house that is split down the middle end of story so dad needs to step up or step out the door
get the court custody/visitation updated and get the child support amount redone. Usually they’ll lower his support amount,not her pay him support. Husband needs to learn Respect and rules are needed in your home. The child will adjust and knows rules for each home. I would also let him deal with his son if he stays up late and has bad behavior. I wouldn’t help him if he is rude to you.
Being a step parent is hard especially when the other party doesnt agree on to raise them. As a step parent we have all the responsibility but no rights. I’m thankful my husband back me up with his baby momma and how we raise the kids in our house
I would imagine as a father only having weekend visitation (twice a month) it is extremely difficult to want to discipline his child. That isn’t uncommon and takes time to sort out. Maybe he doesn’t see the behaviors you do in the same way- after all, behaviors can be a symptom or sign of other things like trauma, restraint collapse, feeling uncomfortable, having a hard time with transitions, etc. He’s only 10 and bouncing between two homes isn’t easy. When you got serious with your partner, a discussion about structure, values, family rules as well as goals should have happened. Prior to moving in together. Why gamble on it? When someone already has a child, it is your duty to work with them to provide a healthy environment and sometimes that means compromising. It’s his son. Just because the Mother is struggling to parent, doesn’t mean she owes anyone money. I’m willing to bet she sees more behaviors than you, considering kids usually self regulate in the more “consistent” home. Yes, it’s frustrating to hear about the other household doing things that you know are not healthy for your (his) child, but you can only ask that something be done about it and mention the benefits. You can’t force her to adhere to the rules or structure of your home, even if it would really help (I fully believe in consistency between households, we push for it too, but at the end of the day- we parent differently and that’s just how it’s going to go). As far as time with you- if you’re getting him more, that’s great but he will need lots of time to adjust. Sounds like you want to “fix” him based on your ill perception of the mother. He doesn’t need fixing. He needs LOVE. He needs acceptable. He needs presence. He needs role models. Worry about YOURSELF and how YOU handle things, not how he reacts. Worry about YOUR perceptions and help yourself grow/evolve to understand his needs as a child. I recommend the book Unconditional Parenting.
Stop worrying about the money. Stop worrying about what the kid does wrong and work to build a trusting, sound relationship with him. And when your partner feels attacked or that you’re taking things out on his son- really pay attention to how you’re bringing the information. It may not be the message, it could be your delivery. Clearly the father wants to protect his son. I think you should find different ways to work together to raise him. Let him know you’re on his side and his sons side and you would like to create a healthy home for everyone to thrive in. And do just that.
I’m a step parent, my son was raised by a step parent and now that child is a step parent himself. Kids are far from stupid! What ever the rules are for your joint child, I realize the age different so what ever the rules will be for the shared child, is what the rules are for his son. That’s it, end of discussion! If your husband is ok with your 2 yr old being allowed to stay up all night and eat junk food too then you have a much bigger problem. Sit down and discuss the rules in your hair for the kids, all the kids. Those are the rules the son must follow or face consequences. If hubs doesn’t want to make his son follow rules then again you have a bigger problem. The rules for children in my house were and are the same for the kids whether I gave birth to them or not, thems the rules and you follow or X is your consequence. My sons’ daughters know the week they are with their Mom is a free for all and that the oldest has to cook and do laundry for her and her sister, when she is with my son his gf takes care of the cooking and cleaning. Kids can learn 2 sets of rules, 1 set per house. Your hubs has no say in how the child’s mother parents him, just like she has no say in how he is parented on your time. With going full shared custody…get it through the courts because if you don’t the Mom can easily call the cops and report that your hubs refuses to return the child and produce the old custody agreement and you have no new one to defend yourself (yep been there done that). With the shared custody have child support adjusted as it will financially hit your home different to have the child 2 full weeks and not just 2 weekends. FYI when my son did this his ex-freaked because she lost money but oh well.
Him belittling you is a red flag. I would honestly leave for a little bit and take a break. Let him handle his son on his own for a week then come back and see if his attitude has changed. My husband used to be the same way. Till I sat down and had a talk with him about how I was not putting up with it anymore. That it was going to stop or I would move on. He finally saw my point and things changed for the better.
Being a stepparent is easy you treat those children like you do your biological children and remove the word step your family I adopted my oldest son he died my oldest son John was my oldest and they were family. Brothers and sisters Jimbo
I think reading what you have posted, sounds reasonable to me, and like you’re concerned for the child, however it could just be the tone you’re using with your husband is the problem. I think children thrive on some structure and I get all that you’re saying, but he ( your husband) might be feeling attacked if you’re coming to him with attitude. Even if the attitude or outrage is actually meant for the mom, he’s still feeling it from you. Try to humble yourself before approaching him next time or even apologizing because you feel frustrated and want the best for your step son. As for the child support modification if the arrangement is only temporary, I personally don’t think its necessary to do. It isn’t free and takes time to go through to get a court date and for it to take affect . If its permanent than yes, but let your husband decide when he’s tired of it. All you can do is be there as a friend and a mother figure to you new son. Treat him how you wish someone would treat your child if you were in that type of situation. Good luck 
You would need to give more details. You said she has him during the week and he has two weekends a month (that’s every other weekend so 4 days out of a month). You’re complaining about 4 days a month. That is sad. And you didn’t say how they were switching rolls he was just taking a week (sounds like a summer vacation change up because schools out). That’s completely normal and child support doesn’t change because of that. Even with consistent 50/50 the parent that makes more could be paying child support.
Maybe he is afraid if he goes after child support then she will try to go back to where he only has him every other weekend. Oh btw it is as easy as just asking the court for child support.
The problem is… He doesn’t want his son to hate him. To your husband its bad enough he isn’t around him more. And feels like he will ruin whatever relationship he has with him. I myself stepped back from the whole situation. From the git go my husbands ex made his life hell when it came to seeing his daughter. And when I got pregnant with our first daughter it got worse. My step daughter has always hated me. Her Mom talks shit on someone that she has hardly spoken 2 words to. What made matters worse is my step daughter would play her parents against each other and when Id call her out I was made the bad guy. It took me yrs to make my husband see what was going on. When his daughter would come down she was more worried about what we were going to buy her or where we going to go then actually just spending time with her dad and little sisters. I was and always will be public enemy number 1 to my step daughter. But I also made it clear that my house had rules. And no rules were any different for any kid that came over. Sometimes you just have to pick your battles.
Sounds like yall need co-parenting. Been there done that. Most of it is miscommunication and allowing the child to control the situation. I could never go back to the dysfunction that we used to have, and its all due to all of is sitting down with a therapist and talking and learning. Me and Deeanna Perez now have a very strong relationship
If he calls you names in front of this child he ain’t worth it would you stay if he hit you next, he ain’t worth it leave him because he ain’t got no respect for you at all
I’m sorry but imo it’s none of your business. My ex and I have an agreement, made well before either of us met currents. His gf is extremely jealous and causes all kinds of issues. And honestly you sound just like her. Screw the money. Screw what happens at her house. It’s not your place. It’s not any of my business how my current deals with his ex. It’s my place to be supportive and nurturing to the family and him. I would never tell him how to raise his kid. Also, why would he go to court over child support when the circumstances haven’t even changed yet? There need to be at least a month of weekly stays before. If not, they’ll laugh at him.
Im sorry, but if your husband calls you names & argues with you in front of the kid,the boy is getting what he wants. And the boy well not listen to you. He thinks he will get his way.and that he can tell his daddy on you and dad will put you in your place.
It is hard to be step parent. Its hard for the kids to. But the kids have one set of rules at mom’s and another at dad’s…the 3 of you need to have a meeting on what he’s rules are going to be. At each home and the punishment if he does not go by the rules. If that dont work then maybe you need to start getting your ducks in a row. And leave. I don’t think things well change. You will be the wicked stepmother in his eyes as long as dad takes up for him.
Ps. Not judging you.
You can discuss about rules in your home but $100 a week is nothing… kids meals, clothes, transportation, heat, electricity, water etc…. Stay out of the money part.
Know the feeling. I was just there so she wouldn’t be alone.
They should not even involve you
My husband had 4 daughters when we started dating the youngest was 5. We have been married going on 33 years. As a stepmother! I never ever made the rules or said anything to my husband or my steps mom on how they parented their kids. I have a very healthy relationship with all of them. I made it a point not to be the one that would interfere in their relationship! That is what has worked for me.
There are a lot of issues here, but # 1: His custody and parenting plan are between him and his ex. You are not included and it seems he did not ask for you to get involved with it either. STAY OUT OF IT.
$400 dollars a month, and you’re mad at it? $400 ain’t shit! He should be paying more than that. But yes…if it’s good for the child…then I think a 50/50 arrangement would be worth a shot. In that case…I don’t see the point of child support. But…that’ll be up to a judge to decide. I know in some instances, if one parent makes substantially more…they will still have to pay support…even with 50/50 custody, so that the child may continue to live the same lifestyle at both homes.
You need to take into account that this lad is 10… He’s hitting a hormonal age and will also have an attitide to spending so little time with his dad like what does his dad do with him wile he’s at yours also weekends are all a kid gets to unwind wile rules are of course important if be conscious of making his only time with his dad miserable for both him and his dad. Sounds like your trying to one up the mum as you said and that’s not cool. Could you raise your child alone of 100 a week top up for all the things a growing lad needs. I’m sure dad does let him off and doesn’t want to argue about it he probably feels guilty he only spends 4 days a month on average with his kid. Not all men are assholes he’s still supporting his child wile supporting you and yours together too. It’s hard being a step parent but sometimes you need to take a step back lots of people parent differently it’s not wrong just different.
You are not the mother i understand you wanting to help but honestly its between your husband and his ex…and he is getting by cheap for $100 Week…kids cost$$…wait until Your 2 yr old gets older…you will see…but you need to let Your husband deal with him and support him…too Many bosses for a child isn’t good …You married into the situation…so its not Your place to dicipline the child…
Well I definitely wouldn’t shut up or put up with being called names and belittle any time expecially in front of a child …he is giving his son the impression that he can treat you ( and other woman ) like crap and is that how you want your child raised …it’s both of your house so you both have to set and agree to the rules .if he can’t do that than ask yourself is being treated like crap by him and his kid worth it .is your child being raised to treat you and other woman like crap worth it
Count your blessings that it’s only 400 a month and not 1800 a month. Be thankful you can spend time with YOUR STEP CHILD be grateful that his mother is willing to do that because I have 3 step kids and we have fought in court room after court room and havent been able to get the first one to do anything about my husband’s ex wife constantly breaking the court order and keeping the kids from us for the past 3 years we havent got to spend time with them or even talked to them because she has blocked us from calling the kids. So BE GRATEFUL and learn to communicate with your husband in a not so demeaning way. Because the way you put this does make it seem like you have a problem with his kid and that’s just wrong. If you live him then you love everything that is a part of him because I would jump in a second for the opportunity to have our kids on a 50/50 set up. But I LIVE FOR AND LOVE ALL MY KIDS they became my kids the minute I decided to love him
If y’all will have him a week at a time I don’t think either parent should be paying any child support. Each parent should be financially responsible when they have the child with them. He definitely needs to notify the court of the changes so he doesn’t have to pay anymore. And also so the bio mom can’t keep changing things have it in writing. If your husband can’t communicate better you’re going to continue to have problems down the road. Your child you have together will start modeling these behaviors after seeing them. Your house your rules. You want your kids to have structure and rules and that’s great. I feel like if it isn’t resolved now, you will have these issues again when your younger child gets older.
You get 2 weekends with him a month with him. That’s 4 day. He’s 10. I almost agree with DAD on this one. If you can’t handle it for 4 days a month your not gonna make it when it turns to a week. Do dad a favor and get with a single man and you won’t have to worry about baby mom’s.
Babe, in all honesty, I would take a step back and catch my breath. That’s a lot all at once. We have kids that have more than one home too, but they know when they’re at this home we have our rules, and that just like rules everywhere else they need to be respected, accidents happen, but they all know what the rules are and that there will be consequences. My suggestion after you catch your breath would be to openly talk to your husband about realistic expectations, consequences for bad behavior, and the two of you need to be a united front in front of the children especially. So if you say something he doesn’t agree with, he shouldn’t belittle you at all, but rather talk to you privately and work on a solution that way and vice versa. My husband and I have each other’s backs through and through and all our kids know that, they can’t play Mom against Dad because we talk about everything. Find something that works best for you and your family and if your husband isn’t willing to put the effort in and help make this work, baby throw the whole man out. You deserve better, your babies deserve better.
Sounds like a DAD issue. If he’s belittling you and calling you names. That’s a much bigger issue. Blended families are not easy. Rules will never be exactly the same. It would help if dad was on the same page as you not the child’s mother.
TOTALLY different perspective here-
How long have you been together? Being a step parent is hard sometimes! People don’t really grasp it until they are in the position themselves. I’ve been a step mom for 11 years, and my husband is a step dad to my oldest. It takes alot of understanding, communication, and compromise! We went through almost 3 years of joint custody, and the rules were different in each home. We set rules and our son was expected to follow those while at our house. We have had full custody of him for 8 years now and he has grown into a wonderful young man! Kids need structure to thrive. I would have an open, honest conversation with your SO explaining why you feel the way you do. And be careful with your tone, because it can be taken wrong even if you don’t mean it that way. In order for a marriage to work in a blended family, you each have to respect each other and have each other’s backs!
If he can financially afford it, it shouldn’t be an issue. At the end of the day he’s helping to take care of his son
It sounds like you BOTH have no come to understand and communicate properly with family blending.
And think about it, shoe on other foot, depending on how you came at him about his child he mightve been offended. Guys arnt the greatest with emotions. And ita probably sensitive for him because he probably does want thay time with his kid but his hands are tied with legalities.
However, the mom is getting a run for little money and makes me wonder their situation and why they let court be involved. Regardless of the fact, men are the disciplinarians and mothers love.
But if mother is ignoring, and dad isn’t seem like the driving force
The kid is already split
They’re having a hard time. And they’re choosing personal feelings of their own over their child.
Hes 10, this will be hard to changed or handle.
He needs to face it and think logically on how to help the kid.
If mom is telling dad this. Document it, take it to court. She obviously can’t handle her son
Ok so, I am a step mother of 2 boys and my husband is step dad to my daughter. We have 2 children together. It really depends on you and your husband’s parenting styles and such. My husband and I set rules for all of our children while they are with us- they ALL have to follow our rules which are really pretty simple. My husband backs me up on my rules and I back him up on his rules. The children know that we are a united front. I don’t care what the rules are at the other parents house, when they are here, they know how they should act and what they need to do. If you and your husband cannot agree on this, you will be fighting a losing battle. The kids will see that they can pit you guys against each other and everyone will be miserable. So really, you can put your foot down, have a come to Jesus meeting with your husband and see if he can see things from your point of view THE KEY IS THAT YOU ALSO KEEP AN OPEN MIND TO HIS POINT OF VIEW!! Compromise. Okay, you don’t want him up all night playing video games? Come to an agreement with your husband- say he can play games up to this time- but then controllers get put away and no more screen time. If the child disobeys, the controllers get put in your room and he loses a day of gaming.
Or- you can step back completely… he is not your child so you can request that since your rules will not be enforced, your husband can take care of everything for the child and you just worry about you and your baby. I don’t really recommend this, because it will hinder you and your husband’s relationship as well as your step sons. But different approaches work for different people.
Good luck mama!
First and foremost the real issue is the way he talks to you, in front of the children or not! Second, this child support fight is literally over nothing. Why? Because it wouldn’t happen. He wouldn’t get child support. AT MOST his would decrease. You’re picking a fight about something completely irrelevant. Third, modifying support cost money. Are you willing to waste your precious money by throwing it away on a lost cause?
1st problem I see is your husband treatment of you. He should not be yelling and belittling you if front of the children or not. I think you need to have a private talk with your husband. If you both decide on a set of rules that need to be followed in your house. It is not unreasonable for your step son to follow. Your husband then need to talk to his son and explain that there are rules in the house and they need to be follows while he is there. What happens in the mother’s house is none of your business her parents skills should not be your concern unless the child is being abused or neglected. The money thing is nothing. $100 a week is barely child support and that is between your husband and his ex.
I’ve been dealing with this for 4 years come next month. It doesn’t get easier and we also have a two year old together and then he has two from a previous mind you they were split 8 years before we met
It sounds like he is more concerned about getting that extra time with his son which he should be.
That’s not your kid. Stop putting yourself in a position you don’t belong in. Care about YOUR kid. Also, that’s the child’s MOTHER not “baby mama”. You only care about money, clearly. I honestly think the husband deserves better 
Honestly, seeing people tell you to stay out of it kind of hits a nerve with me. If you are expected to do anything for this child like he is your own when he’s in your house then you absolutely have a say in what he can and can’t do in your house. If you contribute money to help pay for that child support or if that extra money takes away from your child, while also paying extra in your home for having him in your home the extra time, then you absolutely have a say. If your husband can’t get your input and respect how you feel and calls you names or tells you to stfu then you aren’t being respected and this is an issue that is a lot bigger than child support or rules. If he doesn’t want to respect you, then don’t stay at home when the kid is there, don’t do anything for him or the son, focus all your attention on your 2 year old. It’s very easy to become a doormat as a stepmom and if nothing works, get out. You’ll be miserable if you let him or anyone else run over you about this stuff.
The longer you stay the worse it will get. It’s very much seems like your husband does not care about how he makes you feel or how you feel about the situation. He’s abusive. Calling you names and belitting you is abuse. Imagine if you were your own parent. What would you wanna say to someone going through what you are enduring? Be kind to yourself. Put your needs first and take your child and get far away from your husband. Over time that type of abuse will beat you down and your body will start to attack itself because it keeps perceiving a threat that’s never going away. And when you leave and I hope you do don’t have contact with him. The abuse will probably get worse especially if you keep being firm and go through the courts for child support. Just literally put yourself first and maintain high boundaries and standards. And just watch him because he’ll show you exactly who is with his mouth and actions. You deserve love, peace and support and your husband isn’t gonna give that to you.
If you split the child (one week on one week off) than no one should be paying child support. Since you are equally taking care of said child. If the father is belittling you in front of said child than you need to have a serious conversation with your husband about that since that is never acceptable. There should be set rules at both houses for said child to follow and should be met with understanding on all sides.
Even if the amount drops because he would have more overnights, you would still pay weekly if that’s how his paychecks are. That’s because the child support amount is divided for the month into equal payments. When we used to get our kids for summer and breaks, my husband was still paying her child support for those months. It seems like your husband isn’t understanding where you are coming from and maybe you should both sit down and look at it more as rules or guidelines for the whole house and what those expectations are instead of coming at it as what his son needs to be doing or not doing. Then your husband may take it more of your including his son into your home and life, instead of it seeming like he’s a problem. Also court and court orders are stressful enough. He may feel like you’re saying these things because paying that support is a problem for you and he may not mind paying that for his son. Just somethings to think about.
I have 3 step kids. Custody is 50/50 with no child support. As for the behavior…ask how he’s going to do it with your child. My step kids and my bio kids are being raised on different standards. Drives me nuts. My husband is way more strict on our two. AND he should NEVER be telling you to shut the F up. It’s disrespectful and disgusting.
Oh man
I’m greatful for my man and how wonderful and understanding he is
Because my God
Don’t you lady’s go through some shit
Iv never been the type of women to sit down shut up and look pretty
No way if something doesn’t sit right with me I’m going to put it out there
Maybe your man needs to chill and understand there’s no problems with the child the problem is with the mother
I don’t have alot to say or advice really
I suggest you clarify the real problem is how overreacting your husband is and how he has to stop thinking you have issues with the child when obviously it’s with the child’s mother
Good luck
It sounds like you’ll need to take the bean and leave for a while? Both of y’all need to get your heads straight and time apart might help.
As a mother that receives C/S for my Cognitively impaired child, whom I have sole custody of, His Dad gets EOW and 3 hrs on Thursday during the week, YOU are worried about 100.00 bc His Dad would have a FEW more days a Month? The more time Dad takes with his child would reduce the amount he pays Honey, You have a SERIOUS problem if you are demanding 100.00 a week be reduced bc hes with Dad a few more days a MONTH, its summer, Dad should get a FULL month in the summer, and guess what, DAD’S child support doesn’t get REDUCED bc he has HIS child for ONE month out of the entire year! As to THIER parenting style, Where you NOT aware Before you had a child? Iam so SICK of hearing how the MOTHER of a step child is ALWAYS the damn problem, THEY are NOT OBLIGATED to Parent thier child to YOU’RE expectations bc you have had a child by this man. My son is ALLOWED to stay up playing games bc its SUMMER, same at his DAD’S bc WE ARE THE PARENT’S, WE MAKE THE RULES FOR OUR CHILD, The reason Dads GF and I get along So well is ALL of this was discussed BEFORE she moved in with DAD. she was Also made fully aware, that OUR financial agreement for OUR son is non of her BUSINESS! I’m sorry, but if YOU are worried about A HUNDRED DOLLARS A WEEK in C/S the problem isnt the MOM. RIDICULOUS!
I wouldn’t be with a man with kids. When you get with a person with kids those kids become yours too and if he wont let you be another parent it won’t work out. Your husband would still be paying child support even with an added week during the month because mom would still have more over nights. You need to have a serious talk with him but if hes calling you names and yelling at you I doubt it can be saved. Sorry!
You don’t need to be involved let him take care of his child his responsibility and if he’s got money to pay for his child why begrudge it its not about the ex its about the child tell him to wash his potty mouth talk to you nicely
Personally I feel if they are both getting equal time then neither of them should have to pay child support. But since child support is usually calculated based on income and how many days out of the year each parent has the child then he needs to go to court to have this week on/week off on paper and to have his child support lowered or stopped all together. Getting it all on paper will prevent the baby mama from taking advantage of him or getting mad about something and taking back the week on/week off thing.
Your husband is right. You need to stay out of it. If it works for him, then let it be. Some men like to be able to provide more for their kid. Also, just because he could get more time doesn’t mean child support would be flipped from him to her. That’s not how it works. Just stay out of it and let him parent his kid.
Child support is different from visitation schedule. Even though he may have his son more often it doesn’t mean that she will owe him child support for that time.
By all means, update the placement schedule legally, and part of that may include adjustments to child support amounts, but if he makes more money than her, or she has him 3 weeks and you only have 1, she won’t owe him support for the week he’s with you guys. If he makes more money than he did when the order was first set, he may end up paying more. So take this advice and don’t fix what’s not broken unless you’re reasonably certain his support payments won’t go UP rather than down.
Unless he is the primary placement parent or their placement time is split equally (and even then if there’s a big difference in income he may still owe), there will always be support paid to the parent who has the majority of placement time.
News flash. It isn’t about you. Let your husband be a father without dictating
If your husband is abusive to you, that is a whole other matter. Maybe you should do something about that.
For all of you saying it’s none of her business. It is her home too. She is most likely also caring for the step child so yes she should have a say in the matter. Second your husband does not need to be talking crap to you whether in front of the kids or not.
hes right…you do need to shut the fuk up about it bc it has notbing to do with you… let him do what works for him… cant handle it…GET OUT then
My perspective might be different - I’m not sure. I don’t think step parents get nearly enough credit, first of all. Especially when dealing with a difficult biological parent - been there. My advice: Please do as much through the court as possible. Document things. Have things in writing so things can’t be changed at a whim. If you are splitting visitation permanently, meaning a week at a time alternating, then child support should be adjusted, in my opinion. Support is for the child and if the child isn’t with mom as much, support should be adjusted accordingly. However, it seems as though there may be an issue between you and your husband. As a step parent, with his son coming to a home that is just as much yours as your husbands, you have just as much say in what happens with your step son - in my opinion. I know some parents disagree with that, and that’s okay. But, as I said, if you are in MY house, you will follow my rules and I will discipline as I see fit. I would hope your husband would support you in that. If you’re bringing up concerns to your husband and he isn’t taking them seriously, making you the bad guy, or belittling you - that’s a red flag. Especially when you have a young child of your own that is watching how your step son is acting and how your husband is treating you. If the biological mom is not willing to make necessary changes and your husband isn’t willing to communicate and work on the situation as your partner, you may need to reevaluate your relationship with your husband unfortunately.
While I agree with almost everything everyone has said, rules need to be the same for every child that is in the home. Just because he does it at moms don’t mean he has the same rules as dads. The 2 year old will grow and start to understand that big brother gets to so why can’t I? Dad needs to have the same rules for both children at his house, age appropriate of course. The boy is 10 and needs to learn and understand that mom and dad have different rules. Both are to be respected. Dad should get more time with his son but I get the frustration of it not being fair to the other child when they grow older and have to follow rules seeing that their brother don’t because he is not in the home full time. So she has a completely valid point there. It’s not “just raise yours how you are” when the sibling is getting away with making his own rules and no consequences. The money thing, that’s his responsibility. He made the child he needs to pay unless the court order changes and they both have 50/50 or he gets full legal. But if he did that is his choice to go for support, not yours. If you can’t lay it out in a time where the children aren’t around and have a grown conversation about the rules then I’d leave. Anything other than rules and pushing for more time to be spent with the older boy you need to leave that alone. Think of how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. But your home too so again your rules matter and need to be respected as well. Just don’t go all crazy with them. Remember Age appropriate.