My oldest son is 11 years old. I am struggling with figuring out how to go about having the sex talk with him. I know I have to do it. Normally they teach sexual education in 5th-grade health class, but his 5th grade was spent online schooling, and they didn’t have it. I always thought dad would do this… but now that isn’t an option, and it needs to be done. How did you have the talk with your son??
Honestly, openly and compassionately. It’s going to be a bit tough on both of you. Keep it simple, direct and most importantly in plain language. Make sure to listen to him and let him know that you’re always there to answer his questions and that sexuality is normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Make sure you cover condom use, not only for pregnancy prevention but STD prevention. I would suggest visiting with you family physician or a visit to Planned Parenthood for appropriate literature aimed at teens. And you don’t have to do it all in one go Start with puberty and the changes he’ll see in his body and go on from there. If you’re open and honest about it, he’ll trust you as a source of information and know that you won’t shame him. You’ll have built one more layer of a healthy, long lasting relationship that will serve you both well in the future. He may also be more comfortable talking to your doctor or a PP representative… give him that option.
Get the book im not the storke off amazon it has all ages and how to explaine sex talk and its very interesting and baby making and all the identifing and names of parts …
My son is only 5 and I am dreading this day.
However, there are loads of good books out there to help with explaining things.
Just remember that it’s a natural part of life and nothing to be embarrassed about…regardless how tricky it is to discuss with your child🙂
Good luck x
Libraries have great books on it for his age
With My Daughter I Had A Ten Year Conversation Starting At About 7 When She Started Asking Questions I Answered Honestly On Her Level So That She Was Properly Biologically Educated ,She’s now 26 and we still have conversations
My sons doctor kinda stated the talk with my son at his check up an thin he started asking questions I found it was easier for us this way as his doctor said don’t send pics don’t talk to people you don’t know what do you if someone try’s to meet you somewhere things like that my son is 12 so going through his phone I have found porn we talked about it an it last 2 month know it’s not a thing
Sit him down and ask him if he has any questions about sex or girls but don’t get embarrassed when he asks some questions just keep it real with him Also be sure to explain pregnancy std’s and anything else to him. You’ve got this
Well please don’t ever wait for health class to teach kids about sex and just be honest about how it works
That talk was initiated in my house when my son was just 9 years old because he was found looking at p0rn. He is only 10 now. We began to talk about the sexual evolution and anatomy that leads up to that. There was a long conversation about the fact that what he views on television is not the same as what happens in real life just like with movies. We had a conversation about consent. Contraception. Responsible sexual ethics and ways to explore them. At the same time we had a conversion about what periods are for girls and what sexual reproduction looks like. Is it relatively basic conversation outside of the perception versus reality of movies go. Keeping an open line of conversation I hope allow for more conversation in the future.
They’re going to go through puberty. We have to help guide them
It’s easier when you start when they are very small.
Not sure how to help except don’t shame him when he does get to the age he thinks he’s ready.tell him to always come to you before hand so you can help him get the protection he needs
When my son was in fifth grade his health teacher sent home a very good pamphlet about sex. His assignment was to read the pamphlet and then with a parent or parents, ask any questions he had. My son and I did this, and as much as I dreaded “the talk”, it went so well!! He asked A LOT of questions, and I answered to the best I could, we looked up somethings, had some good laughs, and actually bonded over the conversation. Now my son’s 17,and we are both comfortable talking freely about sex, as he’s dating and definitely at the age when kids start experimenting and being more curious with sex.
Talk about how he is growing up and starting puberty which is the process of turning into a full grown man. Talk about physical changes he will go through including pubic hair, increased body odor, changes in his voice, changes in his penis, nocturnal emissions, and a basic sex talk letting him know he soon will be able to get girls pregnant and a super basic on how it hapoens. Or you can take him to his doctor and have the doctor explain it. Or an uncle or grandpa. The more open and honest you are the reaper or will be to talk about using condoms when that time comes.
By that age, most kids know the basics if they have access to TV, smart phones, computers etc Just sit him down and ask him if he has questions and let him know he can come to you for information and not his friends
My husband had it with all three of our boys. He used all the technical terms and did not use any words that were slang. He answered all their questions. There are some good books but my advice is to keep it on their level.
Be up front. Don’t sugar coat it. I told my 11 yr old all about STDs,condoms,birth control,babies. I’m very open and straight forward with my kids. Gotta prepare them for the real world. Also if you don’t tell your child,their friends will. That’s how my son learned about all this. And it was actually explained to him at 9!
I was 9 but my mom had the talk with me using the it’s so amazing book & then just answered all my questions.
If you have a older brother maybe ask him to talk with him or someone you trust like a male friend
Tell him you need some advice and see what he knows
Be an ADULT!.. U had a kid, why r u ashamed to talk about sex?!.. js
1.dont touch your Willie in public 2. Always get conscent to touch someone else and make sure you give conscent to touch you 3. Wrap it before you tap it.
I just told mine the truth and told him if he ever thinks abt having sex he can come to me for we can go get condoms for him.
I got this book for my daughter. It explains everything for boys and girls including how pregnancy works.
The biological half of that conversation is way easier and less complex than the psycholigical half, teaching them to develop long range radar to try and steer clear of unhealthy relationships such as co-dependant, abusive, or people who exhibit bad judgement, its important that their “biology” doesnt trap them with some form of dysfunction
Be honest that’s the absolute best thing you can do
You could approach in a way that may make him more comfortable. For example, ask him if he has any questions about his changing body.
I have always been open when it comes to discussing sex with my boys. My oldest is 15 and while we’ve never had an official talk, he was playing with his by the time he was 4. I never shamed him just made sure he understood that he shouldn’t do that around anyone else, etc. I’ve always let him know what is and isn’t appropriate and he knows if he needs something he just has to come to me. My youngest is almost 9 and he understands that sex is an adult thing and that’s how babies are made. Once he gets older it will be on me to make sure he’s prepared cause like you, his dad being the one is no longer an option. I say make sure he understands what is ok and what isn’t and that if he needs to talk you will be there to listen.
Only tell him if he’s asking out of curiosity.
books can help to, to read together or him to read, both can lead to discussion and good questions
Take him to his doctor and ask if he will have the talk with him!
You tube helps as well believe it or not. Answer all the questions by using the correct word for each part of the body. We kinda be made it fun…
Ask him what he knows and fill in the correct information also ask if he has questions I did it with my son and it wprked good we were both a little embarrassed but I topd him that it is ok to ask and tell me anything he is 20 now and when he was thinking about being sexual active(17) he ask me for condoms and we talk about it again
They don’t teach sex ed anyways they teach them about puberty. Tell him the right way use the right words and answer his questions. And for the love of god teach him about safe sex as well believing they will abstain is a nice thought but at least give him the right tools and education to make smart choices
Lol…My 5 year old grandson has asked where babies come from and how you make a baby…
On another occasion he asked…
Gramma what does Puberty mean???
Totally caught me off guard.
He is very intelligent and always asking questions
I was the lucky one at that time while baby sitting him .
He is only 5 years old!
There’s a good chance he knows already from other kids/friends. But just be straight up with him about it. It’ll probably be awkward for him but it’ll be ok.
My oldest had zero interest in knowing anything and thinks every bit of it’s disgusting so honestly THAT’S really hard to talk with.
My 10 year old saw something on the internet about 50 holes and we had a very long talk where he laughed a bunch but had a lot of questions.
So like. Try. Have good communication with your kid, but make sure you shut down negative body images, leave the door open for questions, ensure they understand their parts can get other parts pregnant and dear God please please please, always get consent.
This hits close to home. My ex and I have been split for 7 years and have been in and out of the kids’ lives for those years. My son is now 9 and I noticed some attitude changes. He is starting to be a little stinky, needing deodorant and such. I asked my brother and some other guy friends when they started having boy issues and all said between 9-12. So, I sat my son down and asked if had any problems with his penis getting hard at times if he had thoughts. He said yes and I asked what he does. He is definitely… taking care of that. It isn’t about girls being pretty or anything, it just happens in the mornings a lot and he wants it to go away. I explained to him that it is normal but private. He needs to be sure he cleans up after himself, wash his hands (all that fun stuff). I told him that if he has any questions, to just ask me, it is okay, I will help him if I can. He then asked what happens when it pops up at places like school or when he has to get up for something in class. I asked my friends and they had me tell him that he can carry a book in front of him, wear baggier pants and a long shirt. He is only going into 4th grade and I thought I had time and I was wrong. I have parent friends who have 11 and 12-year-olds who haven’t talked with their kids yet, bc “they are too young to think about that stuff.” But, honestly, right now, for my son, it isn’t about sexual emotions, but not understanding his body yet. Do not make him feel uncomfortable and definitely be open and available to help. Do not make him feel ashamed. If your child is thinking about sexual thoughts, talks about sex are important, consent, consequences and understand protection (condoms and such). also explain that they are too young but you want that open door so when they start thinking about sex, they can come to you and know you wont make them feel bad.
Just let him know you understand his body may be going through some changes, mentally and physically, and that you are there for any questions he may have. If words are hard…use a journal. We have always been honest with my son who will be 11 in August. And puberty is hitting hard this summer! But he also had zoom classes for project KNOW (sex ed) during 5th grade.
I gave my daughter books and she explored those on her own. I answered any questions she had. As she gets older, I’m going to have to debunk a lot of social constructs around sex and purity culture which shames women and glorifies men who have had partners. Virginity is a social construct and what I’d love to see as a change is that we teach boys that women are people and not objects. That sex is something you do with someone and not to someone. That women are to be respected and that communication with your partner is so important, as is ongoing enthusiastic consent.
I would much rather talk to mine than any other family member or hell even the dad because so much wrong info can be taught to them and give them the wrong ideas on so much
Here’s how I had that talk with my 12 yr old son.
When he was five he asked where babies come from, I thought of something quick and told him mommies drink vitamins that help a baby grow. Well this whole time he believed that! I forgot I had told him that lol, so anyways, fast forward to today, he asks again and asks if I lied about the vitamins. I told him how babies are made and showed him a video on YouTube of a baby growing in the womb. After all the information was processed in his head, he says, so mom, I know that when I was made, nobody was around. But where was I when my little sister was made!!??
I downloaded a great book called “What’s Going on Down There”. Tried to read it together but he was embarrassed so we let him read it and ask questions. The book has been around like 20 years at least and is regularly updated regarding current issues. Highly recommend it!
Just be honest and straight forward. Don’t be afraid of explaining to much. It’s normal and they need to know because you want to inform him not the internet. Most 10 year olds know about sex but don’t know how to be safe. Also I would speak to him about the body changes. Tell him he can ask you anything and you will answer truthfully.
Start by asking him what he knows and fill in the gaps
Be very open. Remember it’s penis not pee pee, vagina not cookie, no pet terms. And it’s not one talk, it’s many conversations. Don’t act embarrassed about anything when having these conversations, he needs to know that he can come to you without either of you feelings uncomfortable. Also buy “sex for dummies”, he might have questions you can’t answer. Yes, there will be question, sometimes when you least expect it. Maybe look up the answers with him; this way he’ll know he’s getting the straight story from you. Later (16+) give him the book, you will thank me.
Ask someone who doesn’t live in America about what you should say. Because America’s approach clearly ain’t it.
Ask him what he knows first of all, then go from there. Awkward but necessary. Be as honest as possible and push the fact that no question is a stupid question and they can always come to u
Be completely honest, my teens have no problem coming to be with questions or issues. But I’ve always been a very open mom.
Sit somewhere that you are box comfortable, relaxed and very casual.
Ask him what he knows. If it is spot on, ask what questions he may have. Also remind him that although it isn’t a comfortable conversation with his mom, you are there to make sure he gets it right and are open to ANY questions he may have.
Bought him a box of condoms and…he knew. Of course he was in high school as his dad didn’t have the talk with him.
Ask him what he already knows and go from there. Get books and all the knowledge you can get. It’s important to not embarrass him.
I’ve been drip feeding my son information about sex since he first asked what it was when he was four after hearing the word in a song. At first he was satisfied with ‘It’s what grown ups do when they want to make a baby’. As he’s got older and has had more questions about his and my body, why we have differences and what their job is we’ve gone a little more in depth. He knows the mechanics now at 8 and has done for about a year but I haven’t told him that it’s not just for making babies yet as he is truly repulsed at the thought of putting his penis inside a woman’s vagina! It was uncomfortable at first but I’ve always tried to be as honest as I can in a developmentally appropriate way when he asks me questions about anything.
I just sat down with my son and told him that now that he is getting older, there are things that he needs to be aware of.
I then asked him what all he knew about sex. Then I talked to him about the importance of absence…and the importance of protection if he chooses to not be absent.
I googled photos of STD and statistics about it all.
At first it was awkward but it got easier the more we talked about it.
I told him to NEVER be afraid to talk to me about anything and that I would much rather know about it than not know.
My sister sat down with her husband and they sat her son down to have the talk. Then my sis left the room and her husband spoke to him about some man things that may be happening to him. He said it was embarrassing but had to be done
Also don’t forget to talk about how his brain is growing up too. Let him know that he will have really strong emotions and not know how to control them. That he might get very angry, upset and embarrassed and that his body will react faster than he can think. Let him know you will help him learn how to control these “adult” emotions in a safe way. That if he acts out, just apologize and you guys can work as a team to learn.
Also, consent! Teach about consent. Him giving consent, receiving consent and the right for anyone to take away the consent they already gave!
Good time to bring up sexual abuse as well!
My son is 10 and we started the physical, mental, consent and abuse talks. It’s hard but necessary!
He probably knows things about it honestly. Be honest with him let him ask questions you ask him questions see if answers are right or appropriate.
It is a natural part of life. Be honest with him and keep it light don’t make it weird.
Get a water bottle and fill it with wine firstly.
He has more than likely learned about already. Set down with him and ask him to tell you about just laugh about it but make sure all bases are covered.
Glow in the dark condom machines at the gas station make a great introduction to the subject and give mom teasing amo for life. Riding in the car is a great place to bring up topics
I was raised in a box so I learned everything on my own. From friends, TV, school . Now that I’m older I’m wide open with my kiddos. They ask I tell. If I feel like it’s time to talk about something then I just bring it on up because I wish I was taught everything by my parents instead of everywhere else
My son is 11 I started talking to him about things as he body changed and just went from there what to expect with his body and went from there
An uncle, grandpa or another male figure in his life
Just say it. Just be as clear and honest as you can. Chance are. He already knows more then you think. If you make it awkward. He’ll always feel uncomfortable with these kinds of questions.
Wait what parents still have the “talk” with their kids? I never had the talk with my parents we just figured it out when we got to high school
Openly and honestly. Factual, and to the point. Why is it hard for parents to talk to their kids?
I guess the same way I had it with my daughter? Explain it, say why it’s important to raincoat it if you’re going to do it, and let me know what’s going on?!? Idk. They’re going to find stuff out, regardless. And they’ll do what they want to do, regardless I just want my daughter to come to me, so I can get her contraceptives and make sure she also has condoms. I’m definitely not naive. My daughter will be 15 in September and a freshmen. Sooo….just hoping she comes to me without making any final choices.
99 percent he already knows from his friends
My son I told him around that age. Just approached it is normal for 2 people to love each other and be intimate. Its about explaining the safety of sex. Wear protection and ask questions. And I tell them to wait to make sure this person is what they want. Its all about being safe and not being dirty about it or making it werid
He has already been exposed to many things.
You should have started a few years ago
Don’t rely on the school system to teach your kids.
We told our sons about sex when they were small. Maybe about 5, when they asked a question about babies, how they get here. We told them age appropriate truth. As time went on, we gave them details as needed. Men, women, gay etc. All truth.
Just set him down and tell him you’d like to talk to him about sex and changes he might be experiencing! Tell him there is nothing to be embarrassed about when talking about this and it is an open discussion! There are no stupid questions when it comes to this topic. And let him know you will be there for him if in the future incase he has a question or something is happening to him he doesn’t know about or what it is.
Bring a condom, bring a banana! Show him how to use a condom, get him to do it on the banana as well
I would also 100% teach him about the female sex ed as well (periods, vagina (the different parts), ovaries, our eggs, our cycle, everything)
He knows more than you think he does so I would just start off with “hey, dude, it’s time we have “THAT” talk. I wanted to know what you know and if you need to ask me anything. I know it’s seems uncomfortable but you can talk to me about anything. Don’t listen to everything your friends say or what you read/see online. Im here for you and you shouldn’t ever feel embarrassed about normal human/teenage feelings.”. My now 15 year old responded well to that.convo. Started it at around 12 and gave more info as he got older. He has his father around but honestly his dad is a slut. Lol So I wanted him to have both sides without feeling weird. Good luck, momma! As long as you’re open and honest and don’t push he will come to you.
Maybe an uncle or some else that’s an older male in the family if your uncomfortable and not sure how to address it
Just an idea
We started talking about sex when my oldest was 2.5 when I was pregnant with his little brother. I answered any and all of their questions when they asked. We talking about their body parts and why they looked different than what mom had. Just curious as to why you would wait until he was 11 to start talking about sex and his body functions? If you act like none of this is a big deal, nothing is dirty or taboo they will develop a more healthy sense of themselves and others.
I bet he knows more than you think
I would ask him what he already knows and what questions he has and correct anything he’s been misunderstood about. Teach him about consent also.
They don’t teach anything but abstinence in health class, maybe a little on stds and periods. Speak to your kid, do not leave it up to the school.
There are also some great books out there !
Ted talk on how porn changes how people look at sex
I always gave my son educational books since he could read. At about age 8 or 9 he showed an interest in human body books. I gave him a couple to read. One day he came downstairs all proud telling me all about babies and where they came from. I asked him if he had any questions. He didn’t seem to. Since then, any topic has been open for discussion in our house. I’m quite happy to talk to my kids about anything and everything and they feel very comfortable asking me or my hubby any questions.
That sex comes with a lot of emotions that someone his age can’t handle so he should wait
Then when he’s older I would tell him about condoms stds and pregnancy
My son has been asking very specifically
“how does the dads DNA get into the mom?”
Would love some tips for talking to him about it in an age appropriate way. (He’s 8.)
They do it in junior high as well.
Shoot…I’ve been talking to my daughters since they were in elementary school about sex and boys…
Make sure you are telling him facts first. Do a little research before if you need. Then you can also discuss your personal, religous &/or moral belief structure around it
There are plenty of books and websites that can help. Just be honest and don’t give too much detail unless asked. Make sure he understands consent, stds, info on lgbtq issues, and female anatomy not just male.
Don’t forget about consent on both ends and the consequences into having sex
I just went right in lol but can make it age appropriate
Start asking what do they know and then fill in the blanks. I can guarantee you that at 11 they know more than what you think. Don’t sugarcoat it and use appropriate words, (vagina, penis ext…)
Wrap it up, end of conversation😁
I tell you one thing boys do not want to talk about sex with their mothers or fathers I have sons and grandsons there not a certain time to have a sex talk with your children. When they start asking questions then answer them truthfully and if they don’t maybe they already know some things. They talk among their friends but sometimes that’s misinformation get them a book and let them read it tell them you will answer any questions they have.
Be open and non judgmental. Chances are he already knows something from other kids. Ask him if he has any questions and answer them honestly. Use real technical works for anatomy not nick names. Let him know that masturbating is normal and healthy and should be done in private. Talk to him about not sending nudes or accepting them on the internet and how is dangerous.
I tell him if he has any questions ask. Then be as matter of fact like school would . I always ask him to come to me … we have had a few “body” talks and when things should be done and not done. I always do a check in with him so does my husband…
There are 11yr old already out there having sex. Seeing that you are already painfully late to this party you should probably figure out what he has learned from all of his idiot friends since you were dependent on the school doing your job.
Sit back and listen to them And their friends !! I take care of my 11 n 12 yr old grandsons while their mom works, which bless her she does, and let me tell ya it will come out what they think they already know!! Lol and then at the right moment I catch them privately and tell them if I ever hear this or that again!! Let’s just say they know me, I tell the truth no shame they hear worse I promise you they do.
See if you can find an educational video about sex, like they show in school, and maybe some books