I feel like I’m in a cycle between happiness and stress. Like every joyful moment has to be so stressful to even just set up. And it’s not cuz he’s depressed or anything he just simply believes in living on his own time. Lately every trip out of the house is like this even just to go grocery shopping everything needs to be justified. I work but I don’t have a car. It hasn’t been to the shop in months, and my husband just refuses to sell it or just get something new he insists that it can be fixed, and I’m just left wondering when. But when I complain about how much of a fight it is to get him to get up and out of the house, he turns it on me and tells me if it was so bad, I would just pick up and go by myself. I’m hurt because he knows the situation with the car and that I feel it’s not my fault I don’t have my car. If I could just get up and go, I would, and our relationship was never like that. We loved getting up and doing things together, and he never minded helping me, and now it’s like WW3 every time, and it’s exhausting. A lot has gotten better, so I know he thinks now that I’m just ungrateful and hard to keep happy. But I think I’m at a place where I realize that we might just be on two different pages, and we can’t seem to catch up with one another, and I just don’t know what to do. He does so much he runs his own company. He’s a young dad who has been doing an amazing job since he was 17, but I fear that I might be holding him back or that he feels I want to change him. When In reality, the fight doesn’t seem worth fighting anymore when only I’m working to both be happy. I believe that if we are going to be together, we should try to be happy if not be apart because I refuse to give and give and have someone just take advantage of me to their own satisfaction. He knows he’s a good man overall and has good intentions. So he gives me a take it or leaves it attitude. He tells me someone else would appreciate him. Am I wrong for not wanting it and just being over it? We have two daughters that love him immensely, and we are both 25. I don’t even know what I would do without him, and he knows this. What can I even do??? I love this man with my whole heart. I have experienced things with him that I could never have even dreamed of, it’s been a great run, and I don’t feel ready to be done. I know he loves me and doesn’t want me to leave, and I don’t want that for myself and our girls, but I feel so defeated… can things even get better?? or should I give myself enough respect to bow out now??
Either way you need a car. Focus on some goals. What you need in your life. Whether you stay or bail you need a car. So start there. Next… what do you need to become self sufficient and independent enough that you don’t rely on him for satisfaction?
Getting out of a relationship you’re not happy with, doesn’t mean you “respect” yourself… It just means you don’t really love him… It sounds like you are indeed trying to change him and he probably feels the exact same way you do about you… If there’s no proper communication then yeah, you guys will always be in different pages… But if you did love him as much as you say you do, you would find a way to make yourself happy and grateful just to be able to be with him… But if you feel you’d be better without him then be honest with yourself and him so you’re not hurting him with empty threats and acting spiteful because he doesn’t know what you want and you won’t even tell him… at 25 the both of you are still very immature…
Honestly I would deal
With the car yourself. Then you won’t be reliant on him and at least that portion of the problem will be solved: you don’t need to rely on him to sell or fix the car. You’re an adult and can handle that without him. Then you’ll be independent and that may help certain things. Maybe he’ll want to join you when you’re going out on your own instead of him feeling obligated to do it