Hey So my relationship hasn’t been working out and neither of us are happy but we both love each other and can’t let go of our toxic relationship what do I do when it’s good it’s good but when it’s bad it sucks . Do I stay do I leave . I cheated 
and he knows that’s part of the problem I’m sincerely sorry and made a mistake that I’ve learned from . But he can’t find it in his heart to forgive me . We just had a baby not to long ago . I don’t want my son to have a broken family…Is it to late to save this relationship I’m so sad all the time I feel empty and cry everyday. At least my babies happy.
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You don’t have to stay together just cuz you have a baby together. Babies can feel the negative energy. Babies can feel the toxic -ness. Sounds like you and your husband/ boyfriend need to have a long and deep talk and figure things out for the sake of the little one. If y’all aren’t happy, the baby will eventually feel that energy and not be happy as well.
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I’m so sorry sounds very tough. I would say go to counseling that can help a lot. Also I would suggest watching a YouTube video called Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Mark Gungor. He has amazing insight.
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It’s better to be from broken home then grow up knowing mom and dad hate one another
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My story is no where near a perfect or even good example. We’ve been together through drugs, domestic abuse, and SO MUCH cheating on both our parts. Both of us have through individual treatment and therapy and we are about to go to couples counseling again (worked amazing for us the first time). We also both have a strong faith in God now which helps immensely. And above all else we have learned to listen and validate each other’s feelings about things.
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You never get that vision of your lover cheating on you ever Even with forgiveness it will always be there. It’s more toxic to stay together with a child then be happy and being apart
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You don’t have to stay together just for the kid sometimes I think it’s better to just realize that you guys are extremely toxic for each other and don’t get along I didn’t cheat on my ex but me and him just didn’t get along and it was extremely toxic to both of us and did a lot more damage than good you guys could possibly try counseling
Dr Phil’s Philosophy- It’s better for your baby to come from a broken family than live in one. If you are crying all of the time you child will pick up in this. Even very young children do. Either get your relationship to a healthy place or separate and try to co-parent.
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Whether you learned your lesson or not, the damage is done. Trust has been broken and it’s not likely to ever be returned. Time to walk away for the sake of that child. The resentment will only grow at this point and that baby will feel the negativity of your relationship. What’s better? Your baby seeing a happy healthy mama and daddy separately or watching them fight and argue. What is going to give that child a better grasp on happy healthy relationships? Certainly not the scenario where mommy cheated and daddy is mad all the time…
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Go to counseling. Either with or without him.
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The family is broken whether or not the parents are together.
That’s something people need to realize
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Some ppl say u should stay in a relationship regardless of how it is for the kids…I say sometimes the reason to leave is for the kids… life is too short to be unhappy…
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From personal experience you both have to be willing to forgive wholeheartedly and that’s going to take some counseling and time but if you stay in a toxic relationship for your child whether you know it or not your child is observing all of it and will feel all of it the best thing I ever did was split from my daughter’s father we have a great co-parenting relationship now but together we were just wrong she prefers us this way because we’re all happier
Getting over infidelity in a relationship is a really hard hurdle. You will need professional help through that.
You can save it. MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Just have to add one of the best things I did as a parent was to put me first when I am happy and taking care of I just do better at keeping them happy and taking care of them I’m not saying go all out and ignore their needs or spend money that’s unnecessary but I’m sure you understand what I mean a little me time goes a long way
Therapy. Both individual and as a couple. There are deep reasons you’re both unhappy( and deep seeded reasons why you cheated in the first place) and if those aren’t addressed and corrected, it will never change or get better. If you’re growing apart, you will never come back together. Fix it now, or split. Not together is better than together and miserable. You child will sense it and it will effect their future relationships and self esteem.
I felt like you read my letters and read each one out loud like Lauren Hill said in the song “Killing me softly”…your words were my life. The only difference is we both cheated. We were addicted to each other and so passionate in bed, in fights, and struggles…but the good days, those where filled with loneliness and silence…i finally left him after 10 years…and there was physical abuse as well…the first 4 months felt like i was going thru withdraws…there is no contact amd we live in differsnt states now…i can tell you that 2 years after leaving him, i have found myself, my voice, my mind! Toxic will never last…infatuation will never be satisfied body mind and soul if you stay, and trust me, your child feels the pain and the struggles…it took me a min to notice how much my toxic relationship with their dad affected them. Me and my girls are happy and feel normal now. You will NEVER be able to make a man who you need him to be for your happiness, he has to want to be that person. I wish the best for you, but pleast dont waste your love on someone who wont ever receive and give the way you would. Prayers for you girl!
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I would suggest couple’s counseling and a major change of daily routines. But in order for it to work… both of you would have to put effort.
If he’s not over the cheating… it will just be a matter of time until he finds the courage to move on.
Not to discourage you, but for me personally… I would not be able to stay in a relationship after being cheated on.
Better a broken healthy and happy family than a toxic unhealthy one for your child.
I have “0” tolerance for that.
2 happy homes are better then 1 depressed home. 
Your baby needs to see it’s parents happy! Whether that be together or not!
Have strength, you can and you WILL get through this 
I’m so much happier that I’m out of my toxic marriage. Its true the good times are great and the bad suck. Almost 3 years removed and the sadness is less and less. You learn how to be happy for you again so that you can be the best mommy to your little one. My child was only 2 months old when we split and at first I was a mess. Thinking about everything we wouldn’t get to do as a family. But then I realized I can still do those things with my child and be happy even without the ex. Its hard grieving the loss of someone who isn’t “gone”… Go out and do things for yourself. Baby will be better off not seeing the fighting and tension. When I have an argument to this day with my ex, Its no where near my child. I /we don’t want him growing up thinking that the toxicity is normal.
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Too late…end it and have a happy life.
Focus on the Family has some good counselors.
Once trust is broken it’s very hard to get back. If you guys really want the relationship to last you guys need to sit and talk but YOU need to sit and think about why you cheated in the first place. Then you need to sit and think if all this you’re going through is worth your happiness in the end because you have a baby that needs you.
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I have been through this 100%, both have cheated. He has messed up a lot, like bad. I have a 5 year old son that he has helped me raise for the last 4 years since his bio dad never was in the picture and we also have a 3 year old daughter together. He is stuck not wanting responsibilities of a parent/adult. He is 26 and I’m 27, so “being young” isn’t an excuse. We have lost everything almost because of his decisions. But today’s our 4 year anniversary he even forgot about and I’m still here, I know how you feel 100%, people tell me to leave alllllll the time, I even tell myself to leave and that I’m done however it’s not that easy! If you ever wanna talk you can private message without judgment or to just vent without me telling you what to do! Cause I know how people can be!
Unhappy parents make unhappy children. Get out NOW!
This is something that only you can decide. Everyone has an opinion… Stay… Leave… From my personal experience, I wish I would’ve left the man a long time ago, but instead I stuck around for about 9 years… Over those nine years things got worse and he began to hit me. Then I started fighting back, ect. You can guess how bad it had become. If I would have left sooner, my children wouldn’t have been as damaged as they are now. Neither would I… Sometimes its better to just leave before everyone ends up getting hurt worse than what they already are. But again, this is something only you can decide. I’m no longet with that man anymore. Left him almost 15 months ago. For good this time. Now I’m with the man I want to be with. Im very happy with him and he is very good to me and my children. We just had a baby in February. His first baby. My fourth. This is the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I’m almost 31…
I suggest you try couples counseling if the two of you really want to work it out sometimes the third party can help but I suggest it to him it’s the last and tell him you want to try to work things out with him he can either say yes or no we don’t know but ask him and proceed from there
Do your boyfriend and your son a favor and leave. YOU already broke the relationship by cheating sorry or not if you truly loved him and respected your relationship then you would have not cheated. Cheating is not a mistake you don’t trip n fall onto a dick. A child who has parents that are not together is better then having parents that are together but not happy. Your son will grow up seeing that you guys are not happy and think that it’s his fault for some reason (no matter what you say) and he’ll be sad also you don’t want him thinking that when he grows up and has kids with someone he has to stay with that person just because they have kids even if he is not happy. Don’t put him through that.
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Too late. You should not have cheated.
If he can’t forgive you and move on, you need to go, do it for your baby.
I could never forgive cheating. I wouldn’t expect anybody to. You love him but you fucked up. You may have to live with the consequences.
If you really loved him you wouldn’t have cheated, sorry not sorry but you dont do that to someone you are truely in love with. If he cheated on you would you be able to forgive him, 99% chance that answer is no. You broke his trust, you proved to him that he was nothing to you and now that he is showing you what it feels like you dont like it 
Leave, your child deserves to see both of his parents in full happiness and this man deserves better than someone who acted like a garbage person. Better yourself before you better your personal relationships.
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Wow sounds a lot like mine
Y’all go to therapy together to help mend it
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At the end do what makes YOU happy!
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If you love him and want the relationship you don’t get to dictate his recovery time. I say recovery because that’s literally what it is. You betrayed his trust and did the worst thing a partner could do to another. I’m guessing he’s never cheated on you or you would understand why he’s being cold. I also wanna say that no one is perfect and you are still worthy of love but you need to let him heal at his pace and accept the backlash that comes with it and hopefully things gets better. However, if you really know deep down you just want out of the relationship you should leave! Because it won’t work no matter what you do if you truly don’t want it.
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If it’s going to work at all you need counseling. If not…let it be
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I don’t believe in second chances for cheating. This coming from a guy.
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Your child deserves to be with parents who are good for each other, and not toxic. People that love one another do not cheat. Simple. Maybe you should give him time to heal. After all, you were the one who hurt him, and you’d want the same in return if he did it to you.
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Please don’t stay in a toxic relationship just for your child. Believe me, it’s much better to end it and work on being good parents and finding your own happiness. Seeing you happy is so much better for your child than seeing you unhappy and even babies can tell when those around them aren’t happy and it can and will affect them in the long run. I’ve been thru it myself.
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I hate to hurt your feelings but, when you cheated on him you pretty much blew his Faith & Trust in you.
Think how would you feel if he cheated on you first?
Ppl have babies together but it dont mean u should stay in a toxic relationship… U need to refocus to find the right man
I would cut my losses and try and coparent with him…even if he can forgive you…he will never trust you again.
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Grow up and cohabitate. Never bring dates home and don’t allow your child to come from a broken home.
Go to counseling. With or without. Relight the Spark and go on dates again, little things are important. People are together for so long and forget your still supposed to date your spouse. Flirt with them still, all of it. After a while you feel like a slave to a little human but you were a person before a child. So find that again
I think it’s pretty telling that you called it a toxic relationship yourself. A broken home isn’t just a separated/split family. It’s one that’s not happy as well. Your baby would be better off in the long run to not be around you both in the same home if all you’ll do is fight and be unhappy. You cheated on him and maybe that’s something he’ll never be able to fully get over.
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It’s hard to get over cheating for anyone. I wouldnt stay for a child, I wouldnt stay for the fights and arguments if you two cant get pass it then maybe you are better off as friends.
Well I was also in a toxic relationship,and we both loved each other very much…when it was good it was great and when it was bad it was terrible …so I feel u on that note I can’t sit here and lecture to you about what to do or not to do, but I can say that after dealing with that while scene n the abuse both mental physical and emotional it kind of 
me down. I started feeling depressed n hiding in the room and feeling ugly and becoming more n more discouraged. I have three kids and it was hard on them too but they all adored him. He cheated on me the entire time and it was very hurtful…and he seemed to make himself believe that I had cheated as well so the blame wldnt be on him. But I truly never cheated on him. Idk if I was stupid or blind to notice that our marriage was ending. I never thought we would ever be apart. But one day I found out the woman he cheated on me with was pregnant n then not long after he leaves with the shirt on his back n comes only to get his clothes. So let me just say that I understand where you are coming from and it hurts like hell. But if you don’t get more good than bad then make him get gone. Because those type of men are only out to leave us when they get bored anyhow. Face it we are always to blame for anything that happens. Like I said I wouldn’t just up and walk away but if things didn’t start looking up for you n the baby then u just let it go…cry it out be strong n let it go. God will put u in a much better place and give u someone who u deserve. Hope things get better for you. Message me anytime
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Your baby won’t be happy unless your happy.
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it’s your fault that your husband feels that way so you need to make it right you should have never done that in the first place
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Get out trust me. Best thing i done although i loved him it just wouldnt work
If he cheated on you can you forgive him . I don’t think so . Remember you have done this to your relationship
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By staying together and letting your child see and feel all of that negativity, you are sabotaging them. Literally. You learn what you see.
A broken family is not the worst thing that could happen to your child. Growing up with parents who are awful to each other really does take a toll on a person’s life. Your child will grow up thinking that this toxic relationship is what a relationship is supposed to look like. And in turn, probably will end up in a relationship just like it. Or a worse one and end up being abused.
Think about your child before yourself.
At this point, saving the relationship is up to HIM. You’re the one that broke his trust. Men get just as hurt as women by cheating. Be mature, sit him down and have a conversation. If he cannot get passed what you did (which he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to/isn’t able to), there is NO relationship. And it’s better to break it off now before the negativity affects y’alls child. You can be excellent coparents (by putting your child’s needs first!) without being in a relationship.
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Leaving my ex was the best thing i did he always wanted other girls he would text them send dirty pictures to them when i was heavy pregnant he snoggged another woman i could never trust him we would argue all the time i left him b4 my son turned 2 i needed to be happy he needed to be happy and i did not want my son growing up with constant arguing all couples fight but its not go to have them all the time… if he cant forgive and move past it maybe gets some counselling for you both… if u have and still no improvement maybe its time to let go maybe have a break foucus on co-parenting be away from each other and see if it helps… just cuz u have a child together does not mean you have to stay together long as your both their for ur child…im in a happier place how in a relationship where we support eachother and communicate well and only have disagreements every now and then and bearly any arguments… the way i see it if you had cheated then their must be something wrong that he was not enough for you or the right person… some people can make it work after cheating and some cant dont force it to work just do what w makes you both happy a unhappy home is a broken one not separated parents long as he is their for you child… wish u the best x
I was in the same toxic relationship situation. Trust me… It is HARD! But children pick up on tension, anxiety, feelings of depression. My son is 2… he can tell for sure. My children’s father left 3 weeks ago. The adjustment can be rough. But trust me, you will get through. Things will get easier! My advice is one of you has to leave. Counseling could also be beneficial, especially to learn how to coparent.
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If you didnt want a broken family you shouldn’t have been cheating.
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Cheating isn’t a mistake. It’s a choice.
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The only hope is to get into counseling. If you guys really want it to work. Your child can feel your emotions children feed off them. And if you dont get happy it will cause them to grow up the anxiety and depression. Get help or get out.
Don’t stay just because of the baby, trust me IT NEVER WORKS. I’m sorry to say but you did this yourself. I mean cheating is a serious thing. Its been a long time since my bf pulled a stunt like that and it’s still in the back of my mind. Obviously he can’t let it not bother him maybe after time has passed but he’s clearly hurt and pissed off. If that was him that cheated you would be singing a very different tune. Maybe the best thing right now is space to figure out if you actually love each other. If you try don’t get back together you guys always have to do parent and if it leaves on better terms than my son’s father that certain love will always be there. However don’t let to much time go past resent and anger will turn into hate for each other… That’s a whole other senario. I also hate how people say “a broken family”. In my eyes “my family” was more broken and dysfunctional than it ever was afterwards. Now he just gets to enjoy the best of both parents. No one is overloaded with stress, there is no more fighting (in my case I went to court) it’s on paper follow it or be held in contempt. Stop thinking so much about you guys and think more about the baby. All of this probably seems so blunt and rude but I have been there BUT I WASNT THE ONE CHEATING it’s easy to let go once you feel the other person doesn’t give a flying hoot. Especially if they have done a lot in the relationship. It’s not about girlfriend and boyfriend any more it’s bigger than that it’s about being mom and dad, so whatever you decide make sure it’s best for the baby.
Also don’t ever think “the baby is to young they won’t know or remember” I am sorry but yes it effects them. A toxic house hold can create a very fussy uncomfortable baby the worse part is They don’t even know why.
You broke your family you cheated might as well leave already
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I love your comments alexandria Alexandrea
Your bab(y/ies) will benefit more from having two separate, happy homes with two separate, happy parents than one angry, hurting home with two angry, hurting parents. I know it’s hard and painful. I am here if you need to talk. But, remember that ultimately, nobody wins when two people who are toxic to one another try to force the relationship to work.
Maybe you shouldnt have cheated 💁
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I’m not trying to sound judgy but if your able to go and cheat, No matter how sorry you feel afterward, a part of you already left that relationship.
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Hmm cheating ruined your relationship why don’t you be grateful that man Is even still with your ass and do whatever it takes to gain his trust back. Leave the skank you in the past be a mom and partner that is loyal or remain single what a shitty example you are to those kids for cheating. Fix your shit or be alone
U need to let go and leave ur child will sense ur unhappiness i left my partner when i wasnt happy and my boy is such a happy baba xx
50/50 shared parenting for the sake of your poor child. You cheated now you have to pay the cost of losing your relationship.
I agree if you’re in a relationship you cheat you really don’t love him. He will never really forgive you
First rule of life, never stay with someone for a kid you have together, that is NOT a reason. If mama and daddy ain’t happy with eachother it is bad for the kid…period. If he can’t forgive and get past it then walk away before it gets worse. When trust is broken it’s next to impossible to fix. It takes a certain type of person to forgive that type of betrayal. Next if your are that depressed pls seek medical help for depression it’s not healthy for you and baby. Counseling is a great imo but both parties have to 100% dedicated! Doubtful people usually don’t work out to well. Next question you should ask yourself is, am I happy, if not, leave.
It’s not good for the baby or you.get help.
Break it off if cheating is involved you are not meant to be there and just because you are not together doesn’t mean broken. Maybe in separation you both gain understanding. Be great co-parents. Don’t teach your kids to stay in toxic relationships. Teach them how to peacefully separate and how to treat people and yourself with dignity and respect. Let them know you will always have only one dad and one mom, and someday when you and the ex find other people to love. Show them respect and compassion. Co-parent with them to. Don’t teach them to stay unhappy.
My step daughters mom and I have a great relationship we have deep conversations and her fiance and my B.F. get along so great! There are all different forms of family. Let your children know healthy relationships and that not all family’s look the same and that’s ok as long everyone works together for a better life for the children.
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Cheating is a choice.
Sad there is no relationship.
Move on
If you cheated, you left the relationship along time ago. Understand there is a difference between habitual, and love. Your baby won’t be happy for long if your using words like TOXIC, to describe a relationship. It is completely possible to raise the baby apart from the father.
if he wants to forgive you there is still a chance. but it would take a ton of work from bth sides . buthe has tp actually want to forgive and forget or else he will always have an issue which will cause problems . cheating sometimes thouhjust breaks everything with no chance ofputtingstuff back together
Its hard to forgive someone for breaking a heart. It can be forgiven with time however it will never be forgotten. It will always cross his mind. And things will never be the same. Personally i think since you cheated you didn’t love him enough to be faithful. Seek counseling or let him go. And let him find someone who will treat him right and not cheat on him.
Maybe so time apart would be good but make time to see each other n he has to gain his trust in u again
Your child will be happier with two happy parents. Regardless of how you have to find that happiness.
OP UPDATE
Everyone helped tremendously and thank you to everyone who didn’t judge or laughed and actually took time out to help gave advice and lifted my spirits a bit . I’m gonna try couples counseling and get on some meds to help with my depression and him too thanks for helping us! 
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Eh maybe you should have thought about that before you went and had sex with someone else.
First off his mom needs to mind her business and yes it’s cheating leave him
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I get you don’t want to hurt your son but being in that type of relationship is worse. So pack your stuff and leave. Neither of you and kids deserve that
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It’s time to leave. You have to set the bar high for your children so they don’t accept this behavior from others in their future relationships.
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Do NOT stay with this man just because your son gets along with him. Your son willsee the pattern of disrespect he shows you and copy it. Leave, and be happy for your sake and you’ll find a REAL man.
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So many red flags with him.
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Just do it. It’s not easy but it’s only going to get worse and you will constantly talk yourself out of doing it- I’m only saying this from experience. You are worth so much more !!!
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I promise you you’re hurting your children more by staying in a toxic environment. Choose you!
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Leave , this is not healthy and will not get better
Definitely time to go. He clearly has no respect for you. Leaving is hard as hell, but staying shows your children that his behavior and the way he treats you is normal. It’s not. Also, the last time I checked, having your name on a piece of paper means a hell of a lot where the law is concerned. Don’t let him convince you a legal document is useless.
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Just leave. It’s only gonna get worse.
Your not hurting your son, right now he is feeling the tension which hurts Alot more …
Leaving NOW is best for Both your Son an Daughter. As well as Yourself…No One deserves to be treated like he us treating You 
Love 
from a Survivor
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Your son will be better off. You need to ask yourself two questions. Is he the kind of man that I want setting an example for my son of what a man should be? Is he the kind of man that I want setting an example for my daughter of who she will look for. Hell, ask him if he would be happy if his daughter brought home a man that acts towards her like he does towards her mother. It’ll be hard and it might hurt… for a little while, but you and those kids will be better off in the long run!
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DO NOT STAY FOR THE CHILDREN. No kid is going to be happy in that situation. Your boyfriend has made it plain where he stands. Everything is his and about him. If you want to live the rest of your life like that, then stay. If you think you and your kids deserve better, leave.
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I would be GONE life is too short!!
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why do people ask how do you know when it’s time to end a relationship? when you’ve had enough of there shit no matter the circumstances
The only fans would’ve been my reason to go.
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You’ll only hurt your children if you stay.
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Take your name off the house lease or make him sell it. By staying your lower your self. He doesn’t need to go through your phone.
Runnnnnn! Get out of that toxic mess. Tell his momma to get her nose out your butt and business that he and you are grown and you are not losing her son. Her son lost you with his childish shady actions.
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