You’re the only one that can answer that question. It’s hard, yes.
Men don’t change, make a choice and go with it. Life’s too short to be miserable.
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It sounds like you just need to sit down & have a talk about what’s best for your family.
Right now I see both parents working really long hours, so you probably don’t get to really see your kids during the week. Perhaps reassessing jobs for both of you might be a good idea.
As far as the lack of help goes, all you can do is stress that you need help, & you shouldn’t have to be the only one doing it. You both work hard, & you guys are teammates. 
Just communicate.
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I think it’s time to pack it up. I think you already know it too.
I would be more concerned about the fact that nobody spends any time with those poor children. You both leave early, are gone all day and night and then get home just to put the kids to bed. That’s sick. Maybe you should stop worrying about the petty bullshit with your husband and start figuring out how you both can be better parents with a greater presence in your children’s lives before it’s too late.
Maybe just communicate that you guys both work and should share all of the house responsibilities regardless of your schedule you both are still responsible for your home
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If you have to ask you already know it’s time to leave and part ways
Heck I know what you mean. I do all that but minus a working husband mine runs the roads and sits watches tv he may let 2 of our 6 dogs out to potty the others are either in their crates one is with me.Thand GOD they dont do the dirty in their crates they may have a accident every once in awhile if I am longer then usual getting home but guess who has to clean it up… ME…
He sounds like a brat!
If you’re doing it alone in a sense already then it is better to just go to be honest
It sounds like you both have one foot out the door. Neither of you sound very invested in the relationship.
I pity your children.
Who cares for them?
Who do eat dinner with?
Who goes over their homework with them?
Who attends school functions with them?
How are they involved in any after school activities if mom and dad are not around to give rides to and from?
Perhaps a divorce is in the cards.
You could try counseling as one last try to resolve your issues as a married couple with children.
Or use therapy to decide on the division of custody of the children and form an effective co-parenting relationship.
His changing jobs I think is his right.
He has the right to job he enjoys just as you do.
If he doesn’t mind the commute, why should you?
Also get some help for the household chores, make a chore chart, everyone does some chores, kids, you, and hubby. And hire someone for weekly or monthly for the big heavy cleaning.
I wish you all well, especially the kids.
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You’re doing too much…let Him do his lunch…let the kids help…but keep communicating…
You know when its time to go. Actually doing it is the hard part. Sending love and strength.
Quit taking care of him. He can make his own lunch
He needs to do shit. Make his own damn lunch, do dishes etc
If u having to ask then its time to leave
Join the club. I don’t have the schedule you have but same situation in general. His choice for said job did it come with a pay increase then guess what if it did it’s not a choice it was a financial decision to provide more for you an kids. A novel idea would be to do that thing called communication and oh i dont know maybe speak up an say hey we need to change some things bc this is getting to be much on me an I need help. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you do it all bc you have to have it a certain way or that maybe he doesn’t realize you’re feeling exhausted or maybe he thinks he is giving you time with the kids by letting you put them to bed so you actually see them before the nights end. Maybe have a conversation with the man before you just decide that you just can’t be bothered to the simplest thing and communicate with your own husband instead of throwing away your family without trying to correct the problem first.
Try communicating with him again explain it is having an impact on your relationship. And you absolutely need the help.
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Put your walking shoes on girl. Or throw him out
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Maybe talk to him about moving closer to the job that pays better. And if that is too far away from the person job that doesn’t then maybe that person needs to get a different job. Gas is too high to be driving that far anyway
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even without reading this, If you thought about it, it is time
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I only see kids spending 99% of their time without either parent 
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I’m thinking more of your kids to be honest… who takes care of them? So sad! They pretty much have 2 absent parents
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Who takes care of your kids? Damn.
When do they have there parents?
I don’t even care about y’all relationship what about the damn children’s with their parents?
It takes both of y’all making an effort to make a relationship work.
You both are picking jobs over yalls family and each other. Why even ask if it’s time to go? 
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If you can be the sole provider I’d say it’s time to move closer to your job. This will give you more time with your kids. He is then free to move closer to his job and see the kids as you both see fit. Seems you don’t have a ton of time with your kiddos and the time you do have doesn’t need to be spent angry bitter etc with each other. Give yourself a break and enjoy your job and kids. Let him figure him out.
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I think if you WANT to save your marriage you could try marriage counseling.
If you don’t want to save your marriage, 1of you refuses counseling, or won’t put the equal effort in then I think you should leave. Communication is key.
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Hire someone to come in and do some of the cleaning and or cooking so your time together is not about chores
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I understand she is asking for advice here, but some of you need to take your noses out of the air and stop judging others just bc you wouldn’t do this or that.
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Get rid of him he is a user. He don’t care if you die. It’s pretty plain you can support yourself and him as well if you half to. You are not a workhorse. You are a human being just like he is. Why are you making his lunch? Are his hands broken? How old are these kids that don’t have sense enough to go to bed? Please get out of that situation . He’s using you and that is all.
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I keep hearing these SAME stories
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Late stage capitalism is hell on relationships
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Time to divorce. There are plenty men out there to be happy with
Are you working these jobs just to pay rent/mortgage? Downsize and get jobs closer to home. Saving for retirement? At this rate you won’t be together to enjoy it. Saving for kids’ college? They can work, or train for a trade - some trades pay higher than degree jobs. I’d have learned how to weld if that had been available! Not having the home time is destroying the marriage. You’re both too exhausted.
move closer to work ??? smaller home ???
Try separation first. You have reached the hum drums of marriage. You will really find out, if you think he does so little. You and he will analyze your financial situation. From your posts, it insinuates, you can make it on YOUR Income. Why does he have to work. It’s old fashioned but it is maybe he wanted to contribute to the family. Maybe he thinks , of the future. Maybe have more insurance. And it will start bringing you in closer, as you will over compensate family time, because you don’t always want to look bad. Either of you.
Let go of him, he’s extra baggage that’s weighing you down. He obviously has no cares about your health or that you do everything for the home entirely.
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See if you can move closer to work. I’m sure if you were working 10 hours a day and driving 3 hours a day you would be extremely tired and not want to do anything when you get home. Dose not matter if thats what he chose, he chose it for the family. You should also sit down together and talk about what will work better for you both. You didn’t say you don’t love him, you sed your tired, so try to work it out before you just give up.
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First… make him lunch?? That stops now. Second… try looking for a house closer to work ?? There really needs to be some sit down conversation happening.
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You are not his mother. Let him start doing the things that benefit him like making his own lunch, washing his own clothes, etc. He also needs to step up and help with the house and the kids. What is the point of having a husband if you don’t share the load?
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Have y’all done any therapy together. Also with gas prices how much of your weekly pay are you both spending on gas ? I legit can’t budget in working more than a half hour from my house which made me have to drop a couple of my cleaning clients if they didn’t offer 20$ more
Yep, time to go. He’s a burden.
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No one can tell you what to do . They can give you their opinion.You are the only one that knows what’s best for your family . God bless you no matter what you do. I wish you the best.
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Best to be happy most of the time. find a close job you like and forget him.
If you are both travelling for work is it possible to move a bit closer? Unless you work opposite directions. I get he may get upset when you talk but try a different approach maybe. If he still gets mad no matter what you try let him know you’re at your wits end
why don’t u keep this for now ,but on days off look for another job close to home ! and depending on how old the kids r they should be able to make there own supper / do some chores/ well, your husband well i really don’t know what to say about him . but honey i would go with my gut feeling
Give him the choice of putting the kids to bed and tidying the rest of the house or doing dishes and popping in a load of laundry each night
Tell him doing it all is too much for you and that the expectation is that the home duties are shared.
If he won’t consider sharing duties or counselling then time to consider a more permanent arrangement
While it’s not my relationship and only you know all the ways you may or may not be invested in your relationship and lifestyle it’s worth a try to get him engaged. If he’s not willing then at least you know where you and your needs in the relationship stand.
If you have to do it all anyways May as well do it for one less person
Once on his own he will have to learn to do for himself
May give him a better perspective on your relationship
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Geez…it’s time. Of course, there needs to be some changes, if possible, but if he “expects” all of this…he needs a housekeeper/maid not a wife/partner!
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You’ll know. Trust and believe, you will know.
I think you answered your own question. Marriage is teamwork. You work together to keep home, care for kids and care for each other, despite who works more. If he’s not willing to help, he’s not keeping up his end of the marriage. I’d give him a choice, he can man up and help out, hire a helper (house cleaner, baby sitter, etc) or get out.
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Is this the next me too movement, aside from the jobs, same
Have a talk with him, see if you can come to an agreement!
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When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The truth is, if you divorce, the only thing that will change (besides possibly your location to minimize the commute) is you will have one less person to clean up after, cook for, do laundry, make lunch for, etc. You also lose a negative presence, you won’t have to feel dread for providing for your family, and there won’t be someone belittling and berating you, while they aren’t even helping.
He wants you to be a SAHM, and he will not stop until you are. The fact he KNOWS how badly if affected you mentally, and he just doesn’t care, is all you really need to know.
Do you think he’s capable of and willing to change basically every one of his behaviors, so YOU can be happy? If not you should leave.
Your children will grow to appreciate having 2 happy, healthy, parents in 2 different homes. Having parents who barely tolerate each other, watching them become bitter, broken, and sad, having tension so high in the house, and watching them grow to hate each other, is awful. It’s also setting a really bad example of what a marriage should look like. If your child/sister/mom brought home a person like your husband, and was being treated the same as you are, what you tell them to do? We rarely offer ourselves the same compassion we offer others. You deserve to work if you want. You deserve a partner in your marriage. You deserve peace in your home. If your husband is impeding these things, and refuses to acknowledge it and change, it’s time to start thinking about what’s best for you.
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You need to pick your battles. 
You said yourselfthat before he took this job you were the sole provider and you were still doing everything, and now with him working 10 hour days and a three hour commute you are expecting that he will change or help now??
It sounds like you both have great jobs. Hire a housekeeper to come twice a month and look into having meal delivery a few days a month to help.
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It’s definitely not all about you give give give if he can’t give to then do you really have a relationship? Also quit making his lunch he can make his own damn lunch
He should be helping you because you work too…Not fair for you to do everything…Talk to him then if he is not going to help move on
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He found the time too drive halfway across a state…5 days a week…to work…but has no time to dive on in and help with the kids and around the home…ever hear that song (you got a fast car) well he should take his long ass drive and just keep on driving…His done this on purpose girl, his chose the long drive over time spent with you and the family…3 hour drive to work… unbelievable…he mid as well have took a trucking job… pretty clear his chosen the road …so show him the door…it’s over.
If your asking, it’s time.
Everyone is always so quick to throw in the towel it’s crazy to me. But here’s the thing you should ask yourself. Have you talked to him about this? Have you tried to communicate with him your needs and wants? Have you gone to him in a non defensive approach? Communication works both ways. Sometimes couples have to work harder than others. If you can say you have done everything (not tried, but done) and you are still not getting anywhere with him, then that’s when you know it’s time. If you can walk away with no regrets, your head held high, and say to yourself, I did everything I could to make it work and gave 100% and it didn’t work. That’s when you know it’s time to walk away.
Just me, but I would even put a chore list together for the both of you. One this day and that day, he cooks dinner and does the dishes. I know it sounds silly for adults to have a chore list, but it’s about working together and holding each other accountable. And you both can work on the chore list together.
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I see 2 ways of this resolving.
1- he realized he needs to adapt better to the situation. Couples therapy, opening up communication with active listening, and 100% investment from you both.
2- throw the whole man away and move on with your life.
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Stop making his meals! Stop doing his laundry! He’s a grown a** man he can do it himself
I’d resent him too. U need to talk to see if things can be fixed
Have you visited every avenue? Marriage guidance counselor, Pastor, Mediator, have you asked your children how they would feel if you left their Dad? So many broken families. It’s the children that suffer. Go on a date night and talk things thru. Perhaps you need some time together alone. Take a holiday. It’s so easy to throw in the towel. It takes someone with gumption to walk the mile.
Sounds like he does a lot for himself but nothing for you or the family. I’d talk to him about this before doing something drastic. Then do the drastic.
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Tell him yo haul his weight or kick him to the curb
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I SUGGEST sitting him down and talking with him
that maybe you should move closer to your job so you arent commuting
Tell him to make his own lunches or help do it
Get a house cleaners in 3 days a week to ease the load
Who looks after the kids when you are gone for so long
I would say the next time when he gets mad at you just say IM DONE…let him figure out what you mean and stop everything
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Counseling or end it.
Stop making his meals and doing things for him. And tell him straight up that he still has to do things around the house and help you out. Just cause he works that’s not a excuse and you work also. You do it all and if working where his is and helping is too much for him then get a job somewhere else. If you tell him this and he doesn’t do it or does it for a bit then stops say ok I’m done and leave.
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If you can get him there, it is time for family counselling. You are currently roommates. He has a lot of benefits while you literally have none.
Start by making that counselling appointment and invite him. Ask him which two work days he is going to make dinner, bathe the kids and put them to bed. Tell him you expect him to do dishes and pick up after the kids and around the house including his laundry on the other three work days. Let him know he will be making his own lunch from now on.
You are going to have to give him directions and an ultimatum. You need to make this last effort for your mental health, for your kids, and as single life with your work hours will lead to exhaustion, if it hasn’t affected you that way already. I was a single parent of 2 for years with 60 hour work weeks. It will be better for you and the children if you can at least try to get your spouse to shape up before you ask him to leave.
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In that whole paragraph I did not see even a hint of positivity said about your husband. Just negative. That should be enough to answer your own question. Do you actually see any good in him? Does he do anything at all that makes him a good husband or partner?
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Run He don’t need a wife He needs a mother to wipe his butt
If you’ve made this post then it’s time to leave
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Why are you together? You don’t do anything together. You both just work. Two ships that sail in the night. And to boot he’s useless really. He contributes nothing to the marriage.
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Sounds like you do it on your own anyways.
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Personally I would leave and move closer to my job. I don’t see how you get to spend any time with your children, but that is me. I would stop doing everything for him. He can make his own lunch, do his own laundry etc. Sounds like a boy in a man’s body 
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Tell him that you are so exhausted that you think it’s time you quit work and just stayed home and looked after everyone. He will have to work enough hours to make up the shortfall. Otherwise he will have to pitch in at home. Watch him sweat
On a side note, can you cut down your hours? Everyone needs balance.
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When you no longer have the urge to fix it and when the lies out weight the truth, when your the only one putting in the effort time to close that chapter.
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When you start asking that question
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Don’t make his lunch and tell him,not ask him,tell him what his chores and duties are and when.Leave it at that if he’s not willing to be a grown man then leave
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When you give up trying to make it happen or they’ve had enough chances to change for the better.
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Tell him to step up,that sort of living is ment to be shared,it’s not healthy at all goodluck,K.D.
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Sounds like you be better on you own
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TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE - YOU’RE TIRED AND FEEL UNAPPRECIATED! IF YOU NO LONGER HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM AND HAVE TRIED TALKING WITH HIM &COUNSELING, IT’S TIME TO TELL HIM NOT ASK (since he didn’t ask about taking that long distance job), TO MOVE OUT CLOSER TO HIS JOB!!! WHY WOULD YOU BE THE ONE TO MOVE??? GOOD LUCK.
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Get rid of him. He is inconsiderate and doesn’t deserve you.
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Maybe u should take time to set down and talk to him about how u feel ,it may help.
Time for another separation. He can do for himself for awhile
If whatever work youre doing with your individual therapist isn’t working then leave
I’m in a very similar situation. I love my husband. I’m not in love anymore and definitely have a ton of resentment. Him and I have decided to separate for various reasons. But the main one for me was simply choosing me for once. I’m always so concerned about his feelings and what he would do if we weren’t together anymore. I want worried about what this marriage was doing to me. Sometimes it is ok to realize that you and him aren’t meant to continue. He is not able to do his part to keep this marriage in a state of peace. It will take a toll on your health in a very serious way if you stay. Plus, with children involved it is t fair to let this go so far that you and him can’t be at least civil for your babies.
If you have to ask that question 
Then I think you already know the answer,Bye,bye Felicia.jmo.
I’m sorry you are so unhappy and that your husband doesn’t understand you but have you let him know all of this ?communication is a problem for both of you so maybe have a really honest talk to him and let him know how unhappy and exhausted you are if he listens – he will act and try harder to help you good luck 
I wouldn’t do anything for him…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
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Try marriage counseling first.
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