Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know who the "one" is? - Mamas Uncut
Hes the one that cheats on u with men. You’re not ruining his life by realizing you can’t get past it
If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right.
It sounds like you’re trying to force it but also do not want him either. You’re not going to be happy if you are just worried about messing up his life. Honestly,If he was “the one” you wouldn’t be making this post.
Maybe u both need to sit back and talk see if his trying to come out about how he feels for men and if he still wants u then maybe try from the beginning go out on dates and enjoy each other again xxxx then see how u both feeling after xxxxx
Throw the whole man out. You and your children deserve better. It feels lacking because he’s in denial about coming fully out of the closet. It will never be “just right” because he’s over compensating for the fact that he’s not “in love” with you the way you need it. Don’t cheat yourself and him out of something better because you are trying to hang on to an idea.
Its not always going to be right all the time. Nothing is good all the time. Def dont marry him cuz ur not ready
Okay, now that you’ve written that, re-read it as though a friend has written it.
What would you tell them?
I think the answer couldn’t be more obvious unless it slapped you in the face.
I couldn’t get past the cheating with my sons dad and let me tell you, leaving was so freeing!
I think you both want him to be someone he isn’t. And you’re both trying very hard to make that happen.
After 8 years and 3 children if you’re still unsure and you have doubts it’s probably not the right thing to do for everyone.
I think you should continue therapy and help your partner with being gay and co parenting. Just because you aren’t staying together as a couple doesn’t mean you can’t stay friends and remain supportive and keep a strong family unit.
Sounds like he is overcompensating with you cause he knows he wants to be with other men. This won’t work out. You are not in it and neither is he to be honest. Also he will never live up to your standards and will eventually get tired of faking it. You need to do what’s best for you and this is what’s best for him also.
So you’re staying because you dont want to hurt him? No dear take yourself out of an unhappy situation. It will be better in the long run for the both of you. It will give both of you the chance to grow and find what you both are really needing in your lives.
If your not happy after all this time, therapy and meds…you might just have the wrong man. Something to consider. If you’ve caught him trying to see men, that’s a huge factor. You should put your happiness before his, and let yourself make choices that are best for you and not contingent on how he will feel. If your not ready than maybe a real separation can give you time to figure things out.
Why feel like this? Your husband is bisexual that will not change. While you may be his female, he will always look for a male.
I think u want someone out of the movies… its not always gonna be Easy and roses
You’re not ruining his life but it sounds like he is ruining your life. Follow your heart and do what’s best for you!
Obviously you need a new therapist. You know what you wanna do already. So do it.
You need to find yourself and what makes you happy, then you can open yourself up to someone else and a healthy relationship until then nothing will work out and it will feel forced. If yall truly love each other become friends slowly move forward into a relationship but don’t do it because yall have children, that does affect them and they will eventually resent one of yall. You can’t fully love another until you love yourself.
You’re gonna ruin his life anyway with how you’re being unsure of things. He deserves to find someone else who will be sure. And you deserve to find someone you’ll trust.
His happiness is not your responsibility. Your children are your responsibility and you are only responsible for your own happiness, and to an extent, that of your children.
You can’t make him happy because he is bisexual, I doubt you want to share a spouse with random men or even a more stable third party, and he can’t make you happy because he apparently isn’t capable or doesn’t want to. He’s cheated on you and gotten away with it, he runs from being a responsible parent, he doesn’t treat you with love or respect, and he always falls short of the things he’s supposed to do.
I think he wants you and the kids to be his personal slaves and to present a facade of a happy, monogamous, heterosexual life (his “beard”) with no intention of actually living that way.
Doesn’t sound like it’ll ever work out. So you either force him to parent with court-ordered visitation or get sole custody and all child support if he won’t.
Stay in therapy, contact a women’s center to help you learn what you need to do to uncouple as painlessly as possible. They should help you avoid pitfalls, understand the laws in your state, tell you what documents you will need and how to be safe. Then begin living a better life!
Don’t date anyone for at least a year, preferably two. Be sure to stipulate when, if ever, other partners should be introduced to the children. You don’t want him having orgies when the kids are with him, and stipulate how many times you have to meet someone before they can accompany their dad to take the children somewhere, when a lover can spend the night if kids are there, when (if ever) a significant other can be alone with the kids.
Do you work outside the home? If not, work with the women’s center, social workers, a shelter, the county, a career or life coach (you’d have to pay them through), to explore your options. Have them help you put together a resume and explore ways to make money now, down the road when all the kids are in school, and your ultimate career goals.
Make cold calls to interview people about different careers and places where you may want to work. If your family could take or stay with the kids overnight you could take up work then. Tech jobs pay well, often have flexible hours and work from home options. If you can get schooling or training and get certificates in the field, that might be your best option.
Develop a village of people to help you with the kids as you will need to have lots of possible and reliable, vetted caregivers to help you out. Dealing with them by yourself seems to overwhelm you, or maybe its tougher when you’re also dealing with your other family members.
See if you can look into subsidized/affordable housing options, as I assume cost is a consideration since you were living with your parents. Once you and the kids have your own place and you ditch your fiancé’s and family drama, life will be calmer. Getting friends, family and reliable volunteers and possibly having court-ordered custody for your ex will allow you time to yourself to recover and relax a bit.
Make friends with other moms so you can trade babysitting or at least have company and help while you each watch all the kids. Maybe people on this forum live near you and could help.
Find “foster grandparents” in retirement communities where some people don’t have family to visit. If they’re in good enough shape, they can take the kids on their own once in a while. If not, they might welcome the chance to get out, enjoy some excitement, and could at least watch the kids in the tub, as they do schoolwork, help dress and change them, read them stories or help you with light housework and cooking, or teaching the kids how to set the table or rock them to sleep or distracting them from tantrums…
There is light at the end of the tunnel! Find a mantra to keep you going during tough times. “This too, shall pass,” or “If you’re going through Hell, keep going,” or “In two years I will be rid of so much stress/all this fuss will be over,” it’s like prisoners marking off days, weeks, years, until they can be paroled/released. Something to keep you focused on the future you’re working to make happen.
Good luck! Sending positive chi and good vibes to you. 
He’s homosexual and holding onto you to hide it. Neither of you are gaining anything from this relationship. Ending it would be the best for both of you. He obviously needs to find himself also.
It sounds like you need a new therapist and new medication. Also it’s selfish of you to hold onto a relationship that you know isn’t not gonna work, especially if he is all in right now. To expect everything to be perfect every day is unrealistic. It’s normal to have good days and bad days.
He has feelings for men sexually this will never go away
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know who the "one" is? - Mamas Uncut
I feel like in this situation you need to put yourself first. Do other people know that he likes men as well as woman? If no one knows… you could possibly be his cover up. Did you know before you started dating or was this new information to you? I wouldn’t stay. Just from reading this it is taking a serious toll on your mental health. Leaving him will not ruin him. Break ups happen. He obviously was not thinking of ruining you, when trying to meet with men… random men at that!
You need to pick yourself up & get get yourself and the kids out of this situation. It will make you feel so much better & your children deserve a happy momma!
It’s time to put yourself and the kids first. You’ve been together for 8 years…he’s not your husband he’s still your boyfriend. He has been unfaithful with men…why? Just to cheat or does he prefer men?
It seems you really dont want to be with him anymore. Find a place for yourself and the kids. Your children come first.
Hay sorry but he’s having his cake and eating it u dreseve more b strong for u and kids if it your home tell him to move out nothing will change unless u do something take everyday dont b hard on yourself hugs
He’s probably gay … I was married to my high school sweetheart and he ended up being gay 
Omg I’m exhausted from just reading this so I can only imagine how your feeling from living it… remember no one else is responsible for your happiness that’s your job. If your not happy move on but make sure that the reasons your unhappy are his actions and behaviours and not some underlying issues that you are just going to take to another relationship 
Staying with him might ruin your life and his, is it worth it? Ask yourself and listen to your gut. You should come first,love yourself and your life. Time is precious
If he has cheated on you with men he is more then likely trying to be straight and eventually will realize life is too short and want to be with a man. I’m sorry.
Imo you leaving would be doing you both a favor, you deserve happiness just as much as he does
Stop the med and try n see if that helps the way I feel
Seriously? Any doubt. Get out!!
Well how many times didnt you catch him??? Hes a loser your wasting time on him…If you look for men you want men!!!
You answered all your own questions. Honestly I don’t understand how infidelity on either side is not a deal breaker. The fact that you or him could do that to the other means you guys don’t respect or love each other truly. Also if he is Into dudes you will NEVER change that. It’s sad that you waisted each other’s time and not fair to the kids you selfishly included in this farce. Take your kids and remain friendly co-parents. Life is to short.
Make the next guy date you, ask you to marry him and then give him kids…. When you do everything backwards and expect good results you will be disappointed every time.
Your husband is bisexual and I’m going to assume you didn’t know this going in and that’s ok most don’t. It’s how you do this from here on out that matters.
It’s either you or him. And you should always come first
3 kids later, I Don’t know if he’s the one.
Hun did you say MEN? He was hooking up with MEN?
He wanting blow jobs.
Sounds like he wants a guy in the relationship…u cant just ignore that
You can not rely on someone else to give you happiness. That’s something they will tell you in therapy. Which I assume you already know.
He’s obviously showing signs he’s not happy or confused. If you build a life around him, you’ll always be miserable.
You must do what makes you happy, so your kids can have a happy home life. You can still parent your children with him without being tied to him emotionally & in a relationship.
The cheating won’t stop, it will just get worse. Stop now before you make a life altering mistake. Do not get into a marriage and buying a house with someone you aren’t happy with. It won’t end well then it will be a bigger, more complicated mess to get out of.
If you aren’t happy it’s not fair to either of you to keep the relationship going.
You haven’t forgiven him, deep down you still resent him and think he is beneath you, hence why he can’t live up to your expectations. People are flawed and not perfect so maybe you should work on yourself a bit more and learn to accept that’s who he is or move on.
You need to find a place to live without everyone else and work on what you actually. Want not do what everyone else expects you to
You don’t know. It just comes .
Don’t worry about ruining his life-he cheated on you and the kids and he’ll do it again. He sounds very selfish.
I mean this is the nice way possible but he’s probably into men if he was trying to meet up with them he probably feels obligated to be with you and the kids but honestly that’s not where he wants to be, the family moving in didn’t seem to help anyone but them. Let him go
“The one” shouldn’t be the reason you feel the need to take anti-depressants! 
He falls short of your standards? MEN ARE NOT DIY PROJECTS. I don’t think any man is likely to meet the standards you set. Yet you went ahead and had 3 kids. He needs to run, you are toxic.
Wow you are using him and that’s sad 
! He’s by the way you word it bi sexual and you can’t handle it !Let him go so he can be happy ! 
Sorry if I’m sounds harsh but it’s the truth!
Everyone saying she’s toxic and she’s holding him back…did you not all read HE wants to get married, HE wants to buy a house together, HE cheated…he sounds like the toxic one stringing her along.
Why were y’all sleeping on the floor??? That’s insane. And once he tried to meet up with men we wouldn’t have a relationship. Simple. You’re not his type. Get an STD check. God only knows what he’s been doing and once infidelity comes into play, protect yourself.
As someone who has been in a relationship with a bisexual man for 7 years it is totally possible for a bisexual man to have a healthy and happy relationship with a woman. It makes me really sad to see you say “he’s falls short of my standards” just because he is a bisexual man. I do not agree with him cheating, but if you have a partner at home telling you that you’re never going to be good enough for them… You’re going to want to leave eventually and find someone who thinks you “fit their standards”. 
So you’re destroying yourself and your son to spare him so he can live on the down low with other dudes behind your back and be “acceptable” to the homophobic people in his life? You deserve to be just a “cover” for someone that doesn’t help with his kid unless your with him and you know deep down no matter what you do your not going to satisfy what he really wants.
I couldn’t get past the part you mention about him meeting up with men, Same as if he were to go meet up with different women but your husband is definitely bisexual and if u are ok with it then move on if not then leave because I couldn’t be with a man that is sleeping with another men period….!!!
Poor chap…leave him alone and get yourself a handbag dog…it will be easier to train …
Let that man go and get his man.
You ready know the answer
You could leave him and ruin his life, or stay and ruin yours. You are responsible for your own life and happiness
You wouldn’t have to ask
I would lose all feelings for a man who could ever want or be with another man lol. And that’s really sad y’all had to sleep on the floor
Yeah he’s not the one.
He is who he is. His shortcomings aren’t shortcomings at all. He just doesn’t live up to your standards.
People change, kids change relationship dynamics… if you feel like he won’t ever be what you WANT him to be, then move on. He will find someone who values everything he has to offer.
You need to leave… You both need counseling. He will never change.
He cheated on you, you left him (understandable). But then you still expected him to go places with you? You left and you’re upset people asked where he was. It sounds like you only got back with him because you are embarrassed to tell people you broke up. Don’t stay with someone just because of that.
If you don’t want to be with him, let him go! It’s not fair to him to be in a loveless marriage because you want the comfort of not living with your parents.
You both need to be able to live lives that make you happy and fulfilled.
You left him. Why would he go places with you? Not saying you shouldn’t have left him when he was trying to hook up with other people. I’m just confused as to why he would still go with you places. Also, you chose to forgive him. It was 4 years ago. He is who he is. You keep saying short comings but what short comings? You say he does everything to try to make you happy. He wants to give you you’re happily ever after but it’s not good enough for you. Just leave
Sounds like he’s gay and you caught him more than once trying to meet up with men… what about the times you haven’t caught him because I’m sure there has been. Talk to him and ask him genuinely about this stuff! Y’all both deserve to be happy especially your kids
Life is too short and you need to take care of you
Yeah he’s not the one if you’re questioning it.
He might be bisexual, but him cheating with the same gender shouldn’t be everyone’s main concern, it should just be that he cheated on you and is unfaithful. I’ve had pretty much the same experiences as you. It’s been a year since the last time and it is so hard to move past. I was in therapy for it for a while and it didn’t help much. If he’s not making an effort to improve himself and your life together, it’s time to move on and find someone that will. Life is too short to be stuck with someone that makes you unhappy.
How his life turns out is not your responsibility. You and your childrens life is all you need to worry about. If he’s gay or bi that’s fine but you have to be faithful in a managamos relationship. It don’t feel right because the trust has been broken. It’s hard to build your future on lies and deceit.
You are not the one. Words and actions need to line up. After 8+ years they should be lining up more.
It’s me. I’m the one. I love me and I’ll always be there for me.
Only advice I would give - not really advice as such but just a general observation - if you feel the need to post about it on Facebook, then I think you’ve answered your own question. Sounds toxic to me, and I think you would both be happier on your own.
If you have to ask, then he probably isn’t the one. When you know, you know & there won’t be any question 
Sometimes people make better friends than partners. It concerns me that he wants to be with other men, he probably is not truly happy having those desires and ignoring them. You need to ask him if this is what he truly wants and ask yourself if it is truly what you want. Besides if you were totally in live with him you would be able to embrace his shortcomings and him living up to your standards would not be a problem, and if he truly was in love with you he would be take every moment he can to be with you and the kids and want to do things together.
You have to ask are you happier with him or without him
Living with him or your parents is not all your choices. Check with agencys in your are and insist that you need your own place without him or parents and din’t key any of them move in on you. Having a social worker in an agency to help you may get you the support you need to stand up to them and to take care of yourself.
I lived with my parents a while after i sent my abusive now X back to his mommy. Wish I had enough get up to do it different but was so enmeshed in doing family first I never realized I had any other choice. There were several choices I never understood at that time, all better than what I chose. I made it and soon learned with the help of new friends how to stand up fir myself.
He’s not the one love. You wouldn’t be questioning if he was. Don’t focus on making him happy. Make YOU happy first. Live for YOU.
No one can make you happy until your happy.
Man you need to be happy with yourself and quit trying to manage his life.
You have to worry about what’s best for you and your children. You aren’t reasonable for his happiness
You have contradicted yourself about 10 times in your post.
How does he love everything about you and that makes you feel terrible? You left him and moved out, but went back because your living conditions weren’t satisfactory? That’s not a reason to go back to someone. If I caught my husband trying to meet up with other men, that would be a wrap for me.
If you’ve addressed the issues with him and nothing has changed, nothing is going to change. You can stay and live the life you’re living, or you can leave and do whatever you have to do to start over.
Personally, in your situation, I would live in my car under a bridge if it got me out of that shit.
On a side note, taking your kids by yourself and doing stuff on your own with them… that’s what a single parent does. As far as wanting “happily ever after”… this is life, not a fairy tale. Happily ever after doesn’t exist. Relationships and marriage takes work. But there are somethings that you just can’t work through.
So your of the mind that his sexual orientation challenges were cured by you taking him back 4 years ago? You cannot be naive enough to believe that even a happy “conventional” relationship will work with him let alone a luke warm one, the man has confusion, curiosity, or self deception that he has to work out
If your having to ask he isn’t the one. When you know you just know. Yall need to come to some kind of agreement for the kids because while he may love you and you love him yall clearly aren’t in Love and that’s two totally different things. If yall love each other enough let go and help one another move on. I hate it but either he is bi or Gay and nothing wrong with that but sounds like you aren’t ok with that. Best of luck to you both but yall both need to find happiness.
Honey. It sounds like maybe you just don’t love him? You can love someone, and care for them and them STILL not be what you need in a partner. 8 years is a long time. You should know by now and the fact that you’re still waiting for a physical, definitive, Milestone in your relationship to show and prove he’s the one etc… then maybe you just need to accept that and move on… “you’ll never find your husband while you’re still messing around , wasting time with your boyfriend”.
Your children will be happier, and you will be happier, and it will perpetuate and it will perpetuate and surround your entire world once you are happy. Maybe you guys are just supposed to be friends, and good CO parents together. I don’t think you should force something like this for this long… You definitely need to be realistic, and honest with yourself and with him come and most importantly your children. Be decisive, be swift, be strong. Whatever your decision is, just make sure you make a decision. If living stagnant, standing still, it is the worst death. And a bountiful fragrant life is what is injeopardy, if you hide from it.
I read up to the he tried to meet up with men… Everyone has their own Boundaries I would Not be okay with this at all and would of called it quits on the spot… So No Judgement for you But This is why You have to be the one to make these decisions and not let others persuade you because everyone has different limits and expectations. It’s about what YOU are willing to deal with.
Meet up with a man? Or men? Twice. That man needs a therapist, not you.
Other men will always be in the pic. Run n don’t look back. You’ll know when the right one comes along.
… he was literally caught up trying to get with men… why are you still there
He sounds like a great gay dad, who you will only be great pals with…If u can live with that fine… However do not be like one of my girlfriends…in her early 50s and 4 kids doting hubby leaves her for gay male. Been having flings and unprotected sex for alot of their 30 year relationship. She is shattered, her kids arent dealing well. U choose and u ask the hard questions now.
Is this s heterosexual or homosexual relationship. Not asking because it matters but if it’s heterosexual and he’s trying to hook up with men then you’ll never be able to fulfill that empty spot. If it’s homosexual then maybe he’s learned a listen and really wants to settle with you
Am I the only one that reads this as a “me, me, me” post?
Get over yourself. It sounds like he’s bisexual or gay. If you cannot accept that, then move on. Why would you waste your time with someone who wants to be with other people. You’re using the guy as a place to stay because why? Why can’t you work and find a place on your own like other single parents? (Before anyone comes at me, I did it for several years…so take a seat). I’m sorry if this is harsh, but the whole “he just falls short” and the “shortcomings” comments really rub me the wrong way. Move on and let him be happy. You obviously need to find someone that isn’t him to find whatever you’re looking for.
I hate these post where “you should find someone better blah blah“ , with a lot of missing context. No matter what side of a toxic relationship you find yourself the right thing to do is NOT to move on to the next one. Face it you’re broken, you need to fix self first and get yourself back together before trying another one. Trust me you don’t want pity and you don’t want to approach a new person in such a vulnerable state. Humble yourself and get on your feet before anything else.
If you have to ask… It’s not him.
He’s obviously not what you want and very toxic and bad for you. Leave him. Take time and move along. It’ll only get worse
Then if he is really trying and you want to be happy, STOP dwelling on the past if not it will drive you crazy ,
You have three children together SO What’s important to you a life with him or without ONLY YOU CAN ANSWER THAT
If he was caught trying to “meet up with men” then it seems like that should be addressed before anything else. My next recommendation would be examining and discussing your standards versus his. How is he not meeting YOUR standards? Are you meeting his? No matter how much you try, you can’t pigeonhole someone into who/what you think they should be. Personalities often change and you have to assess the current situation with both parties (and all children) in mind.
On a side note, it is hilarious to read replies from privileged white soccer Moms who immediately blame the guy based on a few sentences. Because she is totally going to be completely transparent and forthright about the situation. Meanwhile, they are either single or have a boyfriend/husband with a boyfriend.