If you actually read all this, thank you, and I’m sorry if it makes no sense my mind is kind of everywhere… This is going to be a long one sort of… Okay, my husband and I have been together for six years, we have a three-year-old little girl and a 17-month-old boy. I have NO family; he has a TON. We live a quarter mile down the road from his parents. Both of my children live with his parents because when my son was five weeks old, he had to bruise on his chest, DCS bullied me. Basically, they told me all kinds of things that weren’t true, but I didn’t know any better, so we went to court and willingly gave custody to his mother. Nothing was ever founded of the bruising. I took a lie detector test and passed, so did my husband. I am still with my children from the moment they wake up until they fall asleep, EVERY SINGLE DAY. Now, mine and my husband’s relationship has slowly fallen apart over the years. We are EXTREMELY toxic to one another. He is an alcoholic and quite frankly a mama’s boy. He’s perfectly content having nothing in life and our children living with his mom forever. I, on the other hand, am not okay with that. He is extremely emotionally and verbally abusive. He has a lot of anger issues…I’m planning to leave my husband in the next two months. I obviously will not be able to take my children with me. His mother is extremely manipulative. Shes used my children against me more than once to get me to stay with my husband. How likely do you all think it is that I will at least get visitation with my children? Am I in the wrong for leaving? Should I stay just so my children won’t have to go through all of this? I’ve been with my husband since I was 17 years old. I’ve never known anything other than the life we’ve built. I’m so nervous and scared, but I also think it’s something I have to do… Just looking for advice, people with Similar experiences, anything. If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading.
Depends I’d you willingly signed permanent custody or temporary
You need to get a lawyer(family) one and discuss what it would take to get custody or 50/50 or court order visitation. You shouldn’t be forced to be with someone you’re unhappy with. And personally I would get ahold of lawyer before leaving so you can still see your kids in the meantime just keep it on the DL
As long as you didn’t sign over your rights it shouldn’t be to hard as long as you have your life in order. Own place and a stable job are the main things. After you get custody back, divorce papers can follow. Unless your attorney thinks a divorce before hand would be a better idea.
Call your local legal aide office. They do a sliding scale and will represent you for free or close to it. I’ll pray for you. If he mistreats you he will most likely mistreat your children eventually. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around you giving your kids up in the first place to be completely honest!
Phone a lawyer and see what you can do to get your rights back. Document everything. Video, voice of your husband being abusive. Also if your mil gets nasty do the same with her. Write down dates, times ext. Keep everything on the dl until you have evadience and again have legal advice.
Get a lawyer as long as you just signed temp custody it should be pretty easy to get them back as long as you have a stable living place with the kids and income to provide for them
For one I would keep fighting for you’re kids back. Fight even harder actually. Say being out of that toxic situation is better for everyone. I couldn’t imagine only getting visitation of my children. That is a long time for your kids to be out of your custody for only a bruise. Have you done everything they have asked of you? I personally would have them back before I did anything else
Definitely seek legal advice, once out of the toxic environment you can apply for full custody back and do every thing they require. As I feel you will because it’s obvious you love your babies and want the best for them and yourself!!!
Best of luck sweetie, my prayers will be with you
It depends. If you’re leaving and have a good job and can provide a good life for them, then that will certainly work in your favor. Courts would rather the kids be with the parents. But if you’re leaving just to go stay with a friend or some such, and you cant provide or put a roof over their heads, then visitation is probably the best you could hope for. How do you lose custody over a bruise?
First step lawyer, explain much detail you can, they will help you and guide you.
Contact a lawyer and get yourself set up outside of the toxic relationship. File for custody and prove to DCS your able to care for them
Document everything. Record his verbal abuse take pictures. Get yourself in a safe environment and file for custody. Have proof of everything.
1st off go to the courts (most have free/ low cost legal aid) & find out what YOU need to do to get them back! Explain your situation they will help you! Do exactly what they tell you, do it as close to the beginning of the time frame. File for divorce you do NOT need him or his mom. Document everything! Text, emails, social media. Him his parents who they allow around your children. It is all admissible in court. It may be a long road but look how your hubby turned out is that what you want for your child?
Depends, did you relinquish your rights and she adopted them? If so, probably not. Either way, you need a lawyer. You need to be working on getting the kids back ASAP, before you leave him get started. Talk to a lawyer now and figure out what your plan is
What ever happened for inlaws to get custody of kids must have been serious…you need to get your kids back before going further…
Your first mistake is you gave custody to his parents! If you didn’t harm your children never stop fighting for them! I would try to get on your feet and take little steps to getting them back! I don’t know the whole story just what you told me. You are their mother so I can’t see them withholding visitation unless more went on.
This happened when your son was 5 weeks old, who is now 17 months old? And now you want custody of your kids back?
doesn’t make any sense why you would willingly give up custody if you wanted your kids and didn’t abuse them… I fought CPS when they tried to lie and make shit up and took them to court they got whiff of that I had proof of their lies court was dropped and they left me alone… get a lawyer… get custody. get the heck out of there
And this is something that you’re going to need an attorney for. Why does his mom have custody of both children? It sounds like you willingly signed both children over which I don’t understand . One little bruise and passing lie detector test and no other signs of neglect or abuse would not constitute children services removing both children from your custody. Not even one. The fact that you’re asking if you should even take your children is alarming
I would go to a domestic violence shelter they will help you
Best advice I can give you is, GET AN ATTORNEY!! Consultations are usually free, so you can get a feel for the Atty. As well as an idea of what you need to do. Everyone here is trying to be helpful, but you will need to know the law in your state, and someone with a working knowledge of the law to walk you through it. Good luck, best wishes. Will keep my fingers crossed for you and your babies. <3
If nothing was ever found, get your kids back! Do not leave before you do that! If you can’t afford a lawyer, you can still go to the Courts and file to get them back! Get your kids back!
I would not leave him until you get custody of your children. Contact a lawyer and find out what your options are, you should have already been trying to get custody of your children back. If you leave now, it will be so much harder to get them back since they are with his family and according to you, she’s manipulative.
This post has red flags going off for me. You say your 5 week old had a bruise on his chest, but not how it got there, just that you both passed lie detector tests. Those things aren’t reliable at all. If he’s abusive and has anger issues definitely leave him. You need to set up visitation through the courts. You guys should have done this already if you don’t have custody or live in the same home with them.
Lu can get ur kids back dump the toxic man get urself together. U can do it!!
Contact a lawyer. Each state is different. Do you have court ordered visitation now? If not, why? Does your husband? If he’s abusive, leave. I’m not certain why people are telling you to stay, if you already don’t have custody of your children and you’re not living with them (unless I missed something?). Was the custody order temporary? If not, you may not receive custody, but visitation should not be an issue. Please, please talk to a lawyer.
Get an attorney and tell him the whole story
You gave custody to his mom, you need to re-establish custody first before you can even think about going anywhere or else you going to lose them for good
Sounds like a huge mess. Consult an attorney in your state for assistance. They will be better suited in telling you what steps need to taken. I sincerely pray things work out for you and your children.
If you signed off on your parental rights, you will not get your kids back. Because you gave up your rights to have them. An even though your in a toxic relationship, it his parents who has the kids. So you’d be having to deal with courts and his parents not him. (Considering you didn’t sign your rights away, if you didnt… than you still might have a chance of seeing the kids…) But a 5mo with a bruise and losing your kids to DCS which would be abuse… you may just get supervised visitation.
Agree with everyone saying lawyer up, best case, you get visits, once you’re set up and comfortable I dont see why you cant get your kids back, no charges were laid, just work with child services, do everything they ask (yes you will have to jump through hoops for awhile) but as long as you have a house, a job and can financially afford them, and do not play his games and do anything that would see you labeled as an unfit mother, you will be sweet as, best to start the rebuilding now, so you can get your kids back in your care sooner!
Go speak with an attorney
You plan to leave take your children with you… Reach out to friends family community resources… you gotta try your absolute most for those babies… THEY ARE YOUR BABIES . You can and will get ahead with your babies by your side… They will be that motivation to keep going. Do it all but keep your babies with you…
Attorney attorney attorney
You need to talk to a lawyer, do not do anything until you do!
Beg for someone to help you financially if you have to as unfortunatley a lawyer is the only way forward. Don’t give up.
First of all report to abuse to a local shelter or a place that helps women and let them know you was forced to sign custody over and all that… You was scared to leave but now your ready
You need to go see a lawyer.
Plus, I feel there’s more to this than a bruise on a chest and that you were bullied. Child protective doesn’t want to break up families and take children out of homes unless the case is extreme and more than one instance. Plus, you signed over custody??? WTF
This may sounds super harsh, but if you signed over your rights, then they aren’t your kids anymore. They are his mother’s kids now, and you have no legal right to them. But if you just gave custody, then you still have a chance. This story needs better explained. I would consult an attorney, but it sounds like you made a decision, and you may have to live with the crappy consequences.
I cant help i thing the whole truth is not told its more to it .
Talk to a lawyer about getting custody back. And I’d play nice with your husband so you can see them if she is as manipulative as you say she is
I would definitely talk to a lawyer
Idc what is happening you dont leave your children you find a damn way period…
The Department of Children and Families or Child Protective Services or whatever the name of the agency is that got involved in the first place might be able to help you or direct you to am agency that can. In the meantime get as much evidence as you can proving how much time you spend with your kids ( take multiple pictures a day of you guys together and start a daily journal about what you and the kids do,when you do it,and where), you are going to need an attorney, most importantly do not breathe a word about your plans to get your kids back or the fact that you are leaving him to ANYONE that isn’t directly involved with helping you leave him and getting your kids back. I wish you the very best of luck…YOU CAN DO THIS♥️
You should speak with a lawyer. Most will do a free consultation, I understand you probably don’t have money. A lot of big colleges and universities have sessions where law students help give legal advice, they call them legal clinics around here. They aren’t everywhere but worth looking into. Also, look into your states legal aide and get in the wait list. In a lot of places, fssa (or whatever the place giving out medicaid and food stamps in your state) also holds legal clinics of some type. You need to look into all your resources but you can do this. Utilize every resource you can to get back on your feet. Go to court to establish visitation even if you have to do it pro se, NEVER EVER miss a visit once you get them and work your ass off to get off the assistance and prove you can raise your kids. Divorce that man first thing. Don’t worry about him, get out and never look back. You and your kids is all that matter
Not sure if I’m getting the whole story understood. Seems like you’re in a dead end marriage and somehow living with your mother-in-law. What I would suggest is start making areas of the house yours. You’re bedroom, you’re kids room. Spend time with them. Take them out of the house with you so you can breathe. Save receipts that shows you pay for the kids needs. Take them to where they need to go like dr, daycare, dentist etc. I know it’s hard. I’m divorced, didn’t live with my in-laws but it’s difficult. Keep the kids your main focus but also remember you need to be happy too. Get a lawyer. See what your rights are especially after dealing with the bruise and your mother-in-law having custody. Start looking for housing that you can afford on your salary because you can’t grow ina toxic environment. Yes your kids are there but so are two other people that are manipulative. Be safe and think before you make tough decisions.
Did you sign over your parental rights completely? Have your children been adopted by your inlaws? Have you made zero attempt at getting your children back in an entire year? If the answer is yes to at least 1 of those questions you need a lawyer and a very very good one. If you ever get your kids back it wont be any time soon. Go to a local welfare office and get placed in domestic violence shelter. The people at the shelter will have resources to help you along.
No one on here can help you go talk to a lawyer first and they will tell you what your options are! But honestly if she has had custody since your son was around 5 week?? It wasn’t clear but if that’s the case it might be hard since that would mean she has had custody for pretty much all of his life and half of his siblings life therefore the courts are gonna wonder why you waited so long to establish custody again. Either way your best bet is to go get a lawyer.
You just gave up custody? Permanently? Did you have a case plan to work or anything you had to do to get the kids back?
If theres no court order you can walk in and take your kids
Go back to court to regain custody.
Definitely do this the legal way. Go through the courts, prove you can take care of them. Then she has no say and you are free to take them and go!
Hire a lawyer, you can’t have your children and husband if what you say is true
Rights and custody/guardianship are different.
So that right there makes a HUGE difference. If you signed guardianship over then you still have a chance…if you signed your actual rights away…then no. You don’t.
That said, i agree that it sounds like there’s more to the story than what’s actually being said. The chances of a child being wrongfully taken are statistically slim. Yes. We see it “a lot” but its generally the exception…not the rule.
Without having specifics about what exactly their investigation yielded and any other offenses…
Its impossible to say.
You’re best bet is to apply for legal aid and discuss both your divorce and custody with them.
I’ve been bullied by child services and had my kids taken, my story is a little like yours. Please PM me and I can give you some advice. Might take a day or so to get back to you but I will respond.
Start living like a saint, record your husbands abuse, actually every account you have with your in-laws also. It’s going to be hard but you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it, and for your kids it should be. Goes without saying you should have a lawyer.
The first thing you need is a lawyer.
The mom has had custody for a year and a half… what has happened with court? Did the terminate your rights?
Get your kids back at your home legally through the courts, then leave his ass… I’d gladly suffer for a short time until custody of my children was reacquired… set that shit up right, and nobody can touch you.
See if there is a lawyer in your area that does free work.Also contact social services and get a case worker so you can be cleared,and also help you get a place to live.Document everything,take pics of bruises,record what you can.Check out battered women shelters,they can also offer advice.Good luck,my prayers are with you.
Lawyer now before you go.
Get a lawyer check out women’s shelters document everything every visit or money spent on kids document every action by your husband good luck
Contact Family Court and Legal Aid in your area. It varies state to state. In PA, to have your rights completely terminated or banned from any visitation, esp as the mother, there would have to be a history of significant abuse/neglect.
Good luckml
I would try and stay, if you aren’t in any danger, while you try to get custody back. I’d leave as soon as you get custody back and you are on your feet. If you spend from morning until night with them every day, I would hope you’ll be able to regain custody. Do the in-laws have custody or temporary custody? You might be able to update the post to answer some questions that give more information for people to advise you. Ultimately, you’re probably going to need a really good attorney.
The husband is verbally abusive, the child had bruises on his chest at 5 weeks old, you guys were bullied into signing over custody, and now you want the rights back after a year? Did your husband do that to the child?
Might as well keep giving up. Already did it once 
There seems to be a lot missing. Yeah dcf can be corrupt and bully parents. But you gave custody up willingly and a year ago. So you didn’t even fight them for your kids? I’ve dealt with cps. They bullied me. But I fought them. Because my kids were worth it. And just giving them up wasn’t an option and everything they said was a bunch of lies. So get a lawyer and file for custody and try to do what you should’ve done a year ago. And fight for your kids. And leave your abusive husband. Because emotional and verbal abuse only gets worse and not better
Long as you get a job. Have a safe home. And take care of your kids. A judge will give you your kids back. Don’t let them lie to you. Go through the courts
You have to have a way for financially to provide for the kids. You have to have a safe place for them to live in. If you have those and the children are very bonded with you and you can prove to the judge that you are with your children every day.You have to be able to show that you can care for them and it is in the best interest for the kids to be with their mama ( kids should always be with their parents if the parents can provide dafe and loving home) Plan wisely and you have to get an attorney for sure!!! Dont give up on your kids. You have a big change of getting them back as long as your rights did not get terminated. Family court is usually not as bad as cps court. Cps court is brutal
I will pray for you and your kids GBU
Sounds like u have been manipulated by his family members. I would go to an attorney and see what u need to do to get ur kids back.If u stay with the father, this may not be the best environment for ur kids . Good luck, stay determined
sorry this happen & no I didn’t read everything. But will say, stay off of any social media if you really want your kids back, I know you mean well, & are trying your best. But courts (as everyone else ) will take everything in consideration with what you post. Talk to your friends in person when you need to . And if that doesn’t work, see a therapist or priest or whatever religion you are in. And get a lawyer. Will add I got pregnant at 16 , had my first at 17, knew the marriage was bad from the moment I got married, had my second by 19 & left the prick by 20, It was hard & the relationship was very abusive , physically & mentally. So use your brain & think & know that you can do it, with your kids or without…your choice
If your rights were not terminated you still have rights to your children. You need to contact legal aid , call the court house and see what you can do to get those records, call CPS and talk to your original worker and start working on a treatment plan and file for divorce. It’s hard and over whelming but I’ve seen mother’s have their babies taken for a lot less. Positive thinking will help!
I would leave but before you do get an attorney and have proof of his verbal and emotional abuse.
I would file for custody.
Research everything you can to get them back. And get out of there!! Go to a shelter if you have to, they can help you get on your feet. Probably best to leave the kids for now if they’re safe. So you can get an apartment and job.
Make sure you have a good job. A stable place to live. Get an attorney. Pray. Give it your best. Good luck. 
I would build a case then go.
Is there a custody order in place?
If no…take your babies and leave.
If yes…go to court get them home with you. Call the childrens advocate they are most helpful.
My grandson was apprehended and cps was being shady and not wanting him back with his mom. After i called…the advocate had him home in a matter of days.
I wish you luck!!!
Get a lawyer first and foremost. I think if you leave husband could say you abandoned them and I guessing your MIL would take advantage of that. You need to protect yourself. Start keeping a log of everything that happens with dates. Good luck wishing you the best.
Hard, consult your attorney
Make sure you have a good job and get an attorney, and then leave him once your ducks are in a row.
First get an attorney. A good one as you are in for a fight! Get all your records together and document each and every incident. Time, date individuals involved/witnesses, and brief comprehensive statement of facts of what happened. If there is any physical profit abuse or violence take pictures!! Good luck!!
Get ahold of social services in your county, they can point you in the right direction for help to get your kids, leave your husband and dont look back
Honestly I would make an appt with the case worker and see what you need to do to get them back in our custody. Thing about that is they dont want the parent and child separated forever. There has to be more to this story than a single bruise. Lastly, if your husband is abusive do you think it makes sense to stay with him and get the children back?! Leave him, get your own place/job/life in order and then whatever the case worker expects do those things.
Do they have any legal aid where you are? Try looking for that first. DO NOT tell his family you’re seeking legal counsel. Look for a victims advocate in your area. That’s what they’re there for. He/she will probably be able to help faster than anyone else. Especially with shelter and advice. Good luck.
I will go talk to an attorney then I would go and make a list of priorities of what I need to do to get ready to leave. I will also leave when he’s not there and go someplace that he does not know where you’re going. As far as the kids go yes you could leave them there if they’re safe and being well taken care for but if the mother is a manipulative that could become an issue. Plus document EVERYTHING. Good luck. I wish you the best
lady those are your children you need to do what you need to tto get them back
Save as much money as you can , have a nest egg and have a place to go so that when you go to court your all set up.
Make notes of every little thing that’s going on with his mom and him.
Anyone who knows you get them to write a character letter about you
LAWYER BEFORE ANYTHING
Try and get some video footage of him drinking or anything you can against them
I’ll say a prayer for you, wishing you the beat
Id try to get them back if not then stay …
It shouldn’t be hard!! I temporarily signed guardianship of my son to his grandparents and when I was ready to take him back and on a better place!! I just went to the courts and filed to revoke there guardianship… of course they fought me, but the judge wanted him with me as his mother and I had taken proper steps to provide and proved I was in a better place!! Since you willing signed them over you shouldn’t have to many hoops to jump through!! As long as you have an income and stable living environment!! Good Luck Mama!! Sounds like your headed in the right direction!!
I would find someone in your area ie DV councilor or advisor … I would not leave kids with father if he is an alcoholic and is abusive … he could get mad that you left and take it out on you’re kids … there has to be a way for you to leave with kids safely ie when hes not there by police escort so the mother in law cant say or do anything … have bags packed for kids and yourself… even if it’s small amount of things … you could get police escort to get the rest of you’re stuff after you leave …
Nobody in this chat knows what the legal paperwork says that you signed. You need to get an attorney and turn over a copy of every DCFS and child custody paper you have and go from there.
I would fight until my last breath to get get those babies back!! You are not wrong to want a better life!! Take the steps mentioned above, get a lawyer first, record EVERYTHING and most important believe in urself! It’s scary to not know anything else but you are strong enough to make it on your own!
Get a lawyer asap. Document everything, and of you can get recording of anything do it
Whatever you do, don’t leave them motherless 
Child Protective Services had ti have a valid reason to remove your child from your custody, especially so since yiu and your guy passed a lie detector test. Maybe approach social services for a review in custody. And apply for custody. These people cannot emotionally blackmail you into remaining with him. And you need to ask for an investigation into why your child was taken away.
I would keep it to myself, save money, ask a lawyer free consultation or legal Aid. he will still get 50/50 unless something is mentally wrong with him or he does something where children services had to get involved.
If you leave him n he start slacking on spouse or child support n not showing up for his kids he might get only visitation rights , but from experience if he is living with his family and his family help him with the payment of a lawyer you will have to fight for a very very long time …
check legal aid in your area if with your income you qualify for help filing for separation or parental order( usually women shelters refer you to them and they have far more resources) plan before you act and make sure if u have the kids you do it in a legal way … also as hard as it is keep your cool n don’t show any emotions, let him deal with his legal issues and file for child support .
Sometimes is best to leave but be prepared for him to fight if you guys live with his mom i’m sure he will fight for his kids, because his mom would ask him too. Have you talk to his family about you guys wanting to be more independent ? kinda hard now but might be an avenue if counselling doesn’t work for that .
Get an attorney, then try to be fair. Remember, your children love ALL of the adults in their lives.
Get a good attorney and fight