How is this fair?

My husband and I both work full time jobs and have 2 kids when we get off work were both super tired and I feel bad when u don't always come home and make dinner or take out the trash or get up in the morning and make him lunches before work but it's like I work to and 9 times of of ten the house is messes up from everyone not picking up after themselves and I just feel overwhelmed to like am I suppose to just figure it out because that's what mom's do because every mom makes breakfast lunch and dinner and cleans up everyone else's mess so mom is basically a slave and also has to go to work full time I mean I try to do all those things if I can but there are just some days when I'm not gonna do it because I'm tired so when my husband makes a joke about me not doing my mom duties it's like really why don't you help me and maybe I could do some of those things but just to put it all on me isn't fair
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How is this fair?

No! Teamwork! That’s how that’s supposed to go.

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Make those jokes at him! PARTNERship

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This is the reason why a woman/man can live alone with her/his children without the spouse.

If one does not help the other what is the other one’s purpose? You are not your spouse’s parents. Having your own kids are enough.

Call out for equality or kick him out.

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Lots and lots and lots of fights and arguments tears and smiles we have finally figured out teamwork and he helps me and I help him now some days aren’t 50/50 some days are 80/20 but we each have our bad days and good so together we kill it

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I cook. My husband washes the dishes.
I deep clean and he takes the trash out.
We both work. I work around our child’s schedule and his schedule.
Most days it feels like I do more. Some days he feels like he does more. Life isn’t always balanced. Ask him to help you clean up after meals.

Everyone in the house no matter their age has to do their part and be responsible for their self cleanup and teamwork for the whole house not just mom. Mom and dad team and also family team. Delegate to take the stress off!

My partner and I have just been through the same thing, talk with him make a plan of where everybody can help out

Your first sentence says you work full time, why should you be expected to maintain the house on your own? If you weren’t there, he’d have to clean, so there’s no reason he can’t take on half the load. I stay at home and my husband still helps me all the time, especially if I’m overwhelmed. You are not a slave, moms and women are people who get tired and should not be solely responsible for the home ALL of you live in.

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Y’all need to have a family meeting!!
Discuss how you feel. Ask everyone to start helping. Even if it’s just prepping lunches for the next day. Or taking out the trash…
Chore charts are a good start!! Good luck. God bless

It’s both, team work. Teach the kids now to pick up.after themselves I know it’s hard later on you’ll be grateful. I get it I work and to tired too.

Tell him to hop on the dad duties! You ain’t make them babies by yourself, so why you doing all the work by yourself

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Chores. Kids need chores as soon as they can talk

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Mom duties ideology is the 50’s thing IMO
You also work full time he has to do his share of housework

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Tell him you are not a stay at home Mom, does he have Dad duties and what are they he doesnt pay the bills alone and the year is not 1950

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Tell him you’re going to cut your hours or quit. Because looking after everyone is a full time job by itself and it’s not fair you work 2 jobs and he only 1.

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What they said. ^^ My SO and our 13 year old do their own laundry, I wash mine and the 6 year old’s. Most of the time the 13 year old makes her own food and I feed the 6 year old or have snacks she can grab herself. The only time I make breakfast is if it’s for dinner and IF he gets lunch… it’s a sandwich. Which is rare. I put a stop to all of that stuff. If you don’t appreciate it, you don’t get it. He also does ALL the dishes now.

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Talk to him and if he doesn’t hear you. Just do you boo. Do what he does when you come back from work. Put your feet up and chill. Just make sure there’s bread and noodles for whoever wants food. And everyone must wash their dish afterwards. Then maybe they will appreciate what you do and start helping…if not continue mtase.

Me and my SO both work full time night shifts at the same job(different departments ) I’m 30 weeks pregnant and we have an 18 month old at home , we do half everything ,bills,house duties,parental duties,etc. The ONLY time one of us is gonna do more than the other is if one of us is a stay at home parent and bc we are not that’s not how it’s gonna go,this is not the 1900’s and people really should get out of the fantasy that it is . Sit him down one on one and tell him how your feeling straight up and make a plan and if he jokes about it or get ugly about it ,girl leave ,if your already doing everything with him as of your a single parent then you mind as well be a single parent !

That’s why I’m not married anymore period

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It’s not fair. You both work outside the home. You both should be responsible for the house. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.

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Glad I’m a single mum and just go on dates.

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I make everyone help bc i tell everyone i am their mother i am not their maid. I work and come home and do stuff i expect help. Im teaching my kids that its everyone’s job to help with house work. Not just moms…

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Make jokes about how your husband doesn’t make enough to allow you to stay home and focus on your mom duties or better yet stop doing his laundry and making his lunches and dinners. You’re not his mom. You’re his partner in life. Don’t be too hard on yourself. My husband is an asshole. I don’t even care what he says anymore. My house is always a mess. He can help if not screw him and his comments

Ew no. I lived like that with my ex. Then it became that I was the only one working and cleaning after he quit work. F that. That’s why he is an ex. My current partner and I share everything. If one of us doesn’t do something, the other one does it no questions asked. Do not settle for the bare minimum. I am a SAHM and my partner stills does things when he gets home because he knows our daughter is a handful. And if he doesn’t, he spends quality time with her so I can get things done. Teamwork.

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When I started back to work when my children were little, I said- you can help clean or you are going to pay someone to do your part. I can’t do it all and refuse to even try to make you think I can.

Tell him that. Make a “joke” back about his dad duties and how you’re not a stay at home mom so you can’t always do it all

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Be like I should get paid to stay home an do these duties huh

No Mother / female is a slave or maid !

That’s right. Tell him so.

Everything has to be 50/50 if you are working fulltime too. Kids should also help with chores.

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Its 2022 ,housework should be shared equally or whoever is home/available should do it…
My partner helps me with everything and thats how it needs to be.
Ask him to help you.

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Nahhhh I’ll never understand “men” like that. I guess I got lucky. Even when I was a SAHM, my husband still came home and would help with kids, chores, cooking, whatever I needed. Now we both work. We both do equally as much housework. Some weeks one may do more than the other, but it evens out in the end. Also my kids (8, 8, & 5) are all responsible for cleaning up after themselves. Don’t tolerate your kids making messes and leaving it for you. Teach them responsibility. My kids also help with the cleaning that we do. Don’t tolerate your husband and kids walking all over you. Stand up for yourself!

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I saw someone else comment the same thing I was going to. That’s one of the reasons I am not married anymore. I put up with it for 31 years. Along with other shit of course. Lol

Mom duties…… it’s “household duties”…. For the household to do. I am a single full time working mum and my kids help mum. I don’t expect much but it’s the little things that help. My son has just learnt to low the lawn which is a huge help.

Yeah, no. It’s not the 1950s where Dad worked and Mum stayed home. Both parents (whatever gender) are responsible equally. That may not look like 50/50 all the time (we all have changes and support each other at different times, do more, do less etc) but it’s got to work for both sides.

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Mom duties are making sure your kids are happy and healthy. Parent and adult responsibilities are making dinners, lunches, and cleaning up after others. He is an adult in that house hold, he has a responsibility to take care of it. It is not a mom responsibility to take care of 3 other people at once and yourself. He needs to step up and be a man. My bf works 45 hours a week and makes dinner more than I do and I don’t work. But he doesn’t like folding laundry but I do so I do that. And I hate dishes so he does that. I like cleaning the floors and surfaces so I do that. And 9/10 I go above and beyond and will do something extra or he’ll come help me so it gets done faster. I would work if I could rn but it isn’t a term or expected that without a job that I cater to him. It depends on how we feel that day tbh. And if nothing gets done that day, it’s not the end of the world. We do what we can. There should be no expectation on you to complete everything on your own. That’s why it takes 2 people do make kids and be in a monogamous relationship, because it’s hard to baby an adult and raise their kids. My moms done it for 13 years and it was exhausting. When he didn’t step up I did. I was my moms co parent for myself because she worked 60 hour weeks and took care of a 40 year old man so I grew up quick. You need to tell him it can’t be all on you. What other reason to have a partner if you can’t build a home you both contribute to and enjoy together? Anyone can pay the bills, but taking care of your home and family is the thing that holds it together and it’s not just for the mom. He is obviously has a misogynist way of thinking, and stuck in the 1950’s so I’d honestly start there. It’s been over 40 years since we could even have bank accounts and it’s just not okay for him to treat you that way simply because he is bigoted.

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Asking for help is a joke! It is basically he is starving now so grabs a bag of chips or whatever and sets in recliner and scrolls on the damn phone all night then when i say food is done just continues setting when i (mom) literally worked all day myself and just wants to set down & rest. Im like why am i busting my ass getting supper and trying to straighten up the house. It makes me very irritated and furious. Daily i get EXHAUSTED but oh well is the reaction i get. Ive said i would love to come home & relax in my chair and do absolutely nothing. :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: royally burns me up inside with anger.

I’d ask him when he plans to step up and be a father then? He has father duties he isn’t doing… if he wants you to solely take care of everything he considers “mom duties” then he need to get a better job so you can stay at home if you want and focus on just that….

It’s gonna suck when he’s all alone and has to step up and do all of these things and realizes oh shit. Seriously if he’s gonna treat you like a wife appliance and not a partner you guys will not stay together.

Why do some women allow these things? From day one you need to set the date for what you are or aren’t allowing. It’s his home and children too and he needs to put in the effort. Why can’t he get up and make breakfast and lunch while you are organising the children or vice versa?

You gave him the habit of having a maid and it’s going to be hard to break it.

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Years ago I lived like this then one day it stopped. Or, I stopped. I stopped doing his laundry, and he was in the Navy and needed his uniforms done. I only cooked or picked up dinner for my kids and I either ate earlier or snacked on things. One night he thought if he invited our friends over for dinner I would cook. Joke was on him, I took my kids out to dinner 10 minutes before they were supposed to arrive. They, wife of the couple loved how I made a statement. Don’t get me wrong, I loved and was thankful to get to be a stay at home Mom, but when I started working and he didn’t change after several conversations, I did!

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All chip in… even the kids… teach them young.,. It’s a team effort.

Nope I won’t let my bf make me do everything. One thing he won’t do is cook. So I am stuck doing all the cooking

I don’t pack a lunch for my SO. We both work FT. He can pack his own damn lunch. I also ask him to do chores. He’ll cook and do laundry. I wash dishes and put laundry away. I’m not a maid and I refuse to be splitting the bills and still do everything around the house. Everyone should help with chores.

You are amazing doing so much already and working full-time. There’s no such thing as mum duties, your in a partnership for life with 2 beautiful children that depend on you. You both should get a routine going, it’s not going to go to plan everyday or everyweek but it’s there to follow best you both can. Who makes lunches at what time, does dishes , a quick vacume put a load of washing away etc. Every weekend my husband says to me " what do you need to get done this weekend? and then we talk about what we both need to do and want to do and work out when we will do it. It sounds like alot but it honestly is a 5 / 10 min conversation and we are sorted. Sorry for such a long reply but really it’s all about communication.

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When I went to work full time, the chores stopped being “mom chores” & became parent chores. One thing we did, was on one of our days off, we would cook. We made meals for about 4 days. One of us would make a tray of baked,breaded chicken thighs,potatoes & a roast (and the sane time into the oven. So on the days we ate either of those, we only had to make a vegetable or a salad. The couple of days we didn’t eat either of those, it was tuna salad or Greek salad with spinach pie or vegetarian night.
The other “mom chores” went to both of us. Laundry,picking up the mess & thing out the trash became things we both had to do. Tell your husband it’s not the 50’s any more!!

If you both work full time both of you throw in 25 a week and have a house keeper come 2 times a month.

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A TRUE EYE OPENER! :sparkles:
A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat down and talked about life. After a while I interrupted the conversation and said to him, ′′I’m going to wash the dishes, I’ll be right back.”
He looked at me like I told him he was going to build a spaceship. So he said to me with admiration and a little stumped, ′′Glad you help your wife, I rarely help mine because when I do she never thank me. Last week I washed the floor and she didn’t even tell me thank you.”

I sat back down with him again and explained to him that I don’t ′′help′′ my wife. Actually, my wife doesn’t need help, she needs a partner, a teammate. I’m her home partner… and due to that, all functions are divided, which is not “help” with household chores.

I don’t “help” my wife clean the house, because I also live in it and I need to clean it too.

I don’t “help” my wife cook, because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.

I don’t “help” her washing dishes after eating, because I use these dishes too.

I don’t “help” my wife with kids, because they are mine too and it’s my duty to be a father.

I don’t “help” my wife wash, extend, fold, and put away laundry, because it’s mine and my kids too.

I don’t give a “helping hand” at home, I’m part of it.

Then with respect I asked my friend when was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, doing laundry, changing the bed sheets, bathing the kids, cooking, organizing, etc… and did he say: “thank you?”
I mean a real thank you, like, “Wow, baby!! You’re amazing!!"

Does this all seem absurd? Does it sound weird to you? When, once in your life, you cleaned the floor, you expected at least an excellence award with great glory… why? Haven’t you ever thought about that?

Maybe, because for you, macho culture taught you that everything is a woman’s task.

Maybe you’ve been taught that all this should be done without you having to move a finger.

So praise her as you would like to be praised, likewise, with the same intensity. Hold her hand and behave like a true companion, and assume your part, don’t behave like a guest who simply comes to eat, sleep, shower and satisfy sexual needs… feel at home, in your home.

Change in our society begins in our homes, teaching our children the true sense of fellowship!
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Go part time as you do a full time job at home, tell your lazy ass husband to pick up a few extra shifts see how he likes it

My husband and I both cool occasionally but I do most of it…but that being said we definitely have just mom and just dad duties. There are plenty of things my husband has never and will never do because it’s just my job and there’s things I refuse to do because it’s more of a man’s job. :woman_shrugging:
Everyone getting upset and saying it’s not the 50s ok true but also some people still prefer some parts to stay traditional.

If the OP doesn’t like it this should’ve been a convo before kids and marriage. This behavior didn’t sprout overnight.

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Idk how a man can treat a woman like that and think it’s ok.

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I used to do all that. You got to do what you got to do!!

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Don’t do anything at all for a few days except caring for the kids. When the chores start piling up and he complains again, present him with a list of shared duties and stick it on the fridge. Don’t give in and start doing them yourself again. If they don’t get done, then it’s his fault the house is in a mess.

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Tell him he isn’t doing dad duties… They are only mom duties if dad is the only one working out of the house…

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Sure! Tell hubs you’ll quit your job so you can get all the chores done and he can assume the entire financial burden. Ha!

What you tolerate will continue. Sit down with everyone and say it’s not fair you have to do everything. Have a list of everything that needs to be done. Ask the kids what they can do of all the chores to show how smart and capable they are. They can put dirty clothes in a hamper, put dishes in the kitchen, put non-breakable ones in the dishwasher or sink, and dry and put away whatever they can reach. Kids can put toys in a bin or on a shelf and throw trash away once they are able to walk.

Then you and hubs pass the rest of the list and put your names next to a chore until they’re all accounted for. Create a chore chart you can print out each week and get stickers for each time a chore is completed. If a family member gets a certain percentage of their chores done they get a treat: something from the dollar store, they pick a dinner menu or the next movie, get 30 minutes or an hour to do whatever they want, a massage from everyone else in the family, whatever works for each family member.

Have family meetings every week to work on any problems or requests. If someone complains about something put it on the agenda to be taken up at the weekly meeting. You don’t talk about it until then, but everyone has time to think of solutions. Saves a lot of whining if people feel they will be heard. Ask the person with the problem to think of solutions in the meantime. Write everything on a paper in the fridge so nothing is forgotten and everyone can read (or have read to them) the items and think about solutions.

Only one person can talk at a time (helps to have an object to hold as a reminder) and the focus is on finding solutions and making people feel heard. Restate what the person is asking to be sure the point is understood and ask questions if clarification is needed. The youngest who have the shortest attention spans go first. Everyone brainstorms solutions, and see what you can modify to be able to say yes as much as possible. Everyone who can speak gets a say.

OK, maybe you can’t go on vacation to Hawaii, but you can get leis at the dollar store, play Hawaiian music, learn fun facts about our 50th state, watch a video of volcanoes, look at a movie featuring Hawaii (and Elvis!) serve pineapple, ham or Spam or other Polynesian foods for dinner, and learn a hula from You Tube. Maybe you can’t have ice cream for dinner every day, but you can commit to ice cream for dessert three times a week. If people complain about doing chores, maybe put fun music on and everyone tackles their chores at the same time each day while dancing. Ask for ideas. Maybe you can’t figure out a solution right away. Put it on the agenda for the next week and everyone ask someone outside the family if they have any ideas.

Maybe there’s just too much to do and you need to figure out ways to save enough to hire a cleaning person on a regular basis. Everyone should STILL have to pick up and clean up after themselves and at least know how to do all the chores eventually to certain standards. This doesn’t mean they have to do the chore the same as you. Whoever is most particular about something (laundry, loading the dishwasher, etc.) should pick that chore. Chores picked are good for a month. If family members want to switch chores, it’s brought up at a family meeting. Once every 6 months to a year start from scratch again, as there may be chores to add to or subtract from the list, and kids grow into being able to do more until everyone has the same number of chores. Be specific: don’t put “clean the bathroom.” Instead break it down to clean the inside and outside of the toilet, clean the sink, scrub the tub, wash the floor, clean the he mirrors, etc. Laundry consists of picking up all the laundry baskets and sorting the laundry, running it through the wash, putting it in the dryer, emptying, folding, putting in rooms (each individual puts their Ken stuff away before bedtime). Each person picks a part of the chore to do.

It will be rocky and there will be a lot of grumbling at first, but you’ll get there. Don’t pick up anyone’s slack. Leave it until everyone gets mad at the slacker for not having

I felt this. Don’t feel bad. When he joked about mom duties i would be like what is a mom duty? What is a mom duty that isn’t also a dad duty?

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Joke About Being A Stay At Home Wife Since He Wanna Make Jokes

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Don’t feel bad just make a chore list. If the kids are old enough give them chores. I’m a single mom my kids have chores. I text them before I get home and ask if the chores are done. Of course give him his share of duties also alternate he can make sandwiches if that’s easy for him.

This is the hangover from the days when men would be the breadwinner and the wives would run the home and look after the children. But now we often have these situations where women are working as much or even more than the men, but are still expected to do everything at home as well. You even get people claiming men are being financially abused if this isn’t the case.

Strike may be the only option

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Have the kids do chores and pay someone to come in a do some things for you. I pay someone for 2.5 hrs to clean my floors, bathrooms, wash windows and dust.

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“Mom duties”??? Oh hell no! That went out with the 70’s. His kids, his house, his responsibility same as yours. And teach the kids to help if they’re not old enough to carry some of that load. You shouldn’t have to do all the household stuff when you’re already doing half the worky worky stuff.

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Hire a housekeeper or tell him it’s 100% you both work pick a day on the weekend to do it together. Teach the kids to pick up after there self. Make it fun with them .

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Tell him he’s not doing daddy or husband duties…

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This is so true about many women. I worked all my life doing the same thing, I raised my kids and husband to help me with all my tasks. I did have help. Now I am raising my 3 grands who do many chores and I hope when they get a home they put all their learning to good use. I appreciate all they do to help me

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Ask your husband for help. Sometimes we (woman) put all these expectations on ourselves. Also give the kids chores to do. Everyone that lives in the house should contribute to household duties.
If you pick one chore per day for yourselves it won’t feel as overwhelming. Crock pot dinners are easy to clean up.

Mama, I am laughing so hard at this post…. Not because it’s funny, but because if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry. I think this is every working mother in the world!

Most men think that the cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands and kids are moms “job”, even when she works full time outside the home as well. IT IS NOT!

I work full time, in healthcare, I’m a full time student, mother and wife. My husband works full time, in construction. We have 4 kids.

I make breakfast maybe once a week. Lunch (on non school days) is usually fend for yourself. My husband does the majority of the cooking for dinner. I do the cleaning and laundry. I used to be meticulous about keeping the house clean, laundry done etc. I’d be walking around the house, cussing to myself about cleaning up everyone else’s mess. I got fed up with it. Now I walk around the house cussing as I drag children from their rooms constantly, to clean up the mess they made, I don’t care how tedious it is. My 8 year old left her towel on the floor in the bathroom, I’m calling her from her room, and standing there while she picks it up. My 13 year old left his cereal bowl sit on the table and the cereal box out and open, I’m calling him from his room to clean it up.

Im currently on my 4th of 5 12+ hour shifts at work. I haven’t done dishes in 4 days. I came home from work last night to my 8 year old washing and putting away dishes.

I’m not sure how old your kids are, but even as toddlers, they can pick up after themselves. You just have to enforce it. It may seem easier for you to clean up the mess than to enforce them doing it, but if you do it for them, they’re gonna continue to leave the mess for YOU.

As for your husbands comments about “mom jobs”, kindly remind him that this is 2022 and there are no such things as mom jobs/dad jobs anymore. It’s not 1950. You can mow the grass while he does the laundry. You can take the trash out while he does the dishes.

I understand that (usually) a man’s job is more demanding than a woman’s job. A lot of men work hands on while women work at a desk (again, usually, but not always). I tend to give my husband some slack because this job is more physical and more demanding than my job, but regardless, we’re a team, and this is our house, these are our kids… this is all OUR responsibilities.

Put. Your. Foot. Down. Both with your kids and your husband. If he wants you focused on “mom duties”, then he needs to step back into the 50’s, be the sole provider for the family while you stay home and take care of the house and the kids!

I think it’s an issue of a man’s world along with past generations. When the man worked outside of the home and made all the money, wives kept house and raised the kids. However, many men still expect the woman to work AND do all else when home. No it isn’t fair. In fact, while growing up, I said I would never get married because I could see the unfairness even as a kid. But, here I am! Lol.

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It only happens that way if you allow it

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Suggestion. Work out the cost of a cleaner and cook. Tell him if he doesn’t start helping you do these things then you will have no choice but to hire help and he will be helping to pay because he is refusing to help :woman_shrugging:

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Fck that he lives there too
No gender roles
He eats, showers, shits, wears clothes just as you do

Been there n done it.no point in arguing about it. I agree with all the women who commented. In my case when I was going through this.i washed all the dishes. Gave enough there own set of cup.plate bowl n silverware. N locked up all other dishes. They were responsible for washing their dishes if they WANTED TO EAT PERIOD… Same with the towels n washcloth. Toys n kids stuff I warned I would throw them away if not picked up. I put them in a trash bag n pretended to throw away. But really they went in the closet. After a few times it worked. Your husband I wouldn’t wash his clothes. .every Sunday night I put chores on paper in a bag n had them picked one out.that was there chores for the week. Made a schedule n put it on the fridge. No money, no going out on weekends if chores weren’t done all week.

Make it clear your not doing that. It’s not fare. He’s not a child he’s grown, time to start acting grown.

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If I’m not getting help with the house things will stay how they are. We both work but I’m the main caretaker of child I’m not super women or expected to be anyone’s mother other then my 4 year olds.

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Joke right back saying dads not doing his dad duties looks like you will need to starts taking new applications :joy::ok_hand:t2::pray:t2: no one is perfect and if they are they have a maid lol

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Mom duties? Lol, that’s bull. Howcome nobody calls them dad duties?

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Get a cleaning lady and also get your kids to start helping!! If they can work the remote they can put their socks away! We have to break this cycle so our sons are not abusing women in this way

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That’s not cool. I have one child (9 years old) and only work part time. I only cook like 3 days/wk. I’m the one that does the laundry and food shopping. He usually helps me clean the house 1 day over the weekend (if I don’t do it all before then). It’s not fair to you to have to do it all especially since you work full time. Sit down and talk to him and tell him you can’t do it all and you need him to do half the work because it’s a partnership. It’s not like the 1960’s and you are a stay at home mom!!

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He should be sharing the load with you, if he wants you to do it all in the house then he needs to figure out how to make all the money and the kids can help more as well.

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My rule is if I have to pick it up and put it away it goes in trash it only takes one time to throw something away and they will keep it put up

No ma’am it’s not fair. Mine works out of town and comes home and still helps I woke as well. Some men think it’s the women’s job and have to get that part out their head. When you guys clock out at your money making jobs. You both clock right back in when you walk through the doors at home.

men suck. you both work. he can make his own lunch and help with meals. seriously!

Id tell him he isnt doing husband duties then Its not just on you to cook and clean just bc he works . you work too. Even if you didnt work outside the home you still work just as hard. I swear these “men” think they somethin

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Tell him if we are going to do 1950 traditional roles you will be staying home to do your mom duties wife duties as he earns all the income as the husband duty calls for.

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Although I want to say that chores should be shared, you’re inappropriate use of the word “slave” has me cringing. Please refrain in the future of using that word to describe doing household chores. It’s so wrong on so many levels and minimizes the horrific crimes of slavery.

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Tell your partner if he doesn’t so his share then you will quit your day job. Be a stay at home mom. That will be your job.

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Give him a choice-full time worker or full time housekeeper. Let him decide which he wants you to do. Not both.

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Ha!! The last time my guy said something like that he learned his lesson and has been helping ever scince

I would talk to him. Let him know how stressed and overwhelmed you feel. Let him know if you were to just do ____ & _____ daily then it would really help me out. Something like dishes and sorting the clean laundry/putting his clothes and the towels away. You will have to spell out what you need from him or sometimes they don’t know what to do. Now with the mom duties comment… make sure you talk to him about it and tell him that even with it being a joke, it does bother you. If it continues then I think you should comment back. Tell him if he did his man duties and made more money/took care of all the bills then you would be able to get all your mom duties done. But since his can’t do his man duties and you have to help with bills and work then he needs to more mom duties instead of slacking on his duties and expecting you to pick it all up.

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It isn’t just your responsibility and until you make them all help and do their share you are gonna suffer.

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They’re not mom jobs! That’s what the patriarchy would have you believe… but the jobs truly have no gender.
Sit down and have an honest discussion about what equality looks like in your household… for everyone!

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How old are the kids , if old enough they should be at the very least cleaning up there own mess and be given other chores . Hubby should also be helping out especially with both of them working

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I don’t make breakfast lunch and dinner.
If kids want breakfast- that is their responsibility to do before school. Lunch is at school, on weekends we do left overs.
Dinner on school nights - we all help out. Husband, older 2 kids and I take turns.
Our house is a disaster but when parents work 45+ hrs each a week, kids have activities, it happens.
We all work together to keep our house clean.
Kids - wash/dry clothes, take garbage out, pick up bedrooms.
Adults - Kitchen area, fold clothes, rest of house.
We have cleaning days where everyone pitches in. Yesterday we spent 2 hours folding clothes, top to bottom cleaning of living room.

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“Mom” is not a slave.

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You’re raising 3 grand kids? Wow how old re they? You re a good Momma, no great Momma💗

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I work part time and still struggle to do all the things! I find if I delegate a few tasks for my hubby he will do them! Men are blind to the mess sometimes or don’t care as much as we do. But if I don’t ask him to do things he usually won’t just by himself!
Maybe try asking for some help because your right it isn’t fair!

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it’s the same with single moms too, So you need to talk to your husband. And tell him listening to his wife is his husband’s duty :slight_smile:

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Girl…i feel you. I had to flatI out tell my family, I cannot handle this all by myself I need y’all‘s help. And we had to sit down and come up with a compromise. Everybody helped with dishes everybody else with dinner now etc. It is ok

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He sounds like he expects things of you as if you are SAH… you aren’t. Tell him to do his share or get a better job so you can SAH and get those other things done.

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I want him to enlighten us on what his “Dad” duties are. We need answers.

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