Although, I see your point, like you said not everyone grieves the same. You clearly must have never lost a child. She doesn’t need to be around the other two children if she’s just not ready emotionally or mentally…
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The caregiver should look into medical rights if mom is taking off to “clear her mind”.
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If your not mom or caregiver then you need to mind your own business. As long as the kids are being taken care of it’s none of your business.
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I have been in this situation. My twin girls passed away at 36 weeks due to medical neglect I have yet to grieve because of the fact that I have had take care if my kids by myself. I would have done anything to be able to grieve properly and not have my kids around even if it was only for a few days. I pray that u never have to go through losing a child and see how hard it is to grieve while taking care of ur other kids
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Why do you care if you’re not mom or caregiver? Lol
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I bet she is the caregiver. However…let the mom be gone a week or two to process things. I dont know how a mom feels losing her child like that. Ive only had miscarriages, and those definitely would have liked 3 days to pull myself together away from my oldest,but no one gave me that. Had to suck it up and throw a bday party day after a D&C for a missed miscarriage in fact. Hardest day ever. Losing one after 2 months…let her grieve. If it goes for over two weeks,then maybe talk to her family…if the caregiver,about taking over the kids if tired out and need a break. She needs a few weeks to maybe a month to sort things out i bet. It isnt neglect…It is healing. If it goes longer than a month…then may start becoming neglect and have to talk to family to see if anyone wants to take the kids in case she doesnt come back for a long time.
Stay out of it.
If the caregiver is feeling burnt out or that their boundaries are being crossed then they can speak up.
It is not your place to speculate or even be posting about this woman and her family.
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Unless you’ve lost a child…
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MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
None of what you described involves or effects you
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Time for a heart to heart talk make sure the mom is okay
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None of your concern. Why would you even post their business publicly.
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It’s really hard to be a mother to living children when you lose a baby. You feel guilty not being patient and end up beating yourself up. It’s fucking hard feeling like you’re failing your living child because you can’t be the mom you were before.
MYOB. If caregiver is a family member or getting paid that’s between them and the mom. It’s only your place to say anything if you are the caregiver . You clearly aren’t the mom’s friend . Just stay out of it since you can’t be supportive .
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If caregiver is feeling burnt out (emotionally, financially) then all you can do is support them. If you’re the caregiver, talk to mum about how you’re feeling as well as reassuring that you still want to continue to help. Maybe having the kids part time rather than full time would be beneficial & you slowly wean to the kids being with their mum full time. I sense a little judgment towards the mum partying, please don’t do that. We all need a break from our lives. There’s no rule book for these kinds of things and everyone’s feelings are valid. Just need to find the compromise. A grievance councellor is a great idea for the children as they’ve lost a sibling and probably aren’t understanding why they’re not with their mum.
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This doesn’t sound like any of your business.??
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Unless you’re the caregiver it’s not your business. Do you know the arrangement the mom has with the caregiver? It’s only for be caregiver to decide if they are being taken advantage of. Not you. Maybe the caregiver is concerned the kids won’t get the care they need and is fine with the arrangement. If you are that concerned then help the caregiver with the kids and keep your opinions to yourself.
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Unfortunately that lady sounds like she can’t take care of herself just now let alone any children , I would stay out of it unless u have be asked to speak to the mum if u haven’t then leave it alone
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Care giver should receive support money.
The “mom” is taking advantage
Sounds like the kids are better off with the one who is caring for them… either way they deserve to be loved and cared for
Sounds like “mom” is grieving & going thru post partum depression.
Caregiver needs to buckle down & take care of the kids more than ever.
If there was no timetable given, give mother a bit more time, demand she see a doctor for PPD, & discuss further steps for custody or adoption if she continues on without a clear path of getting help & back to her children.
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Ur such a great friend. If caregiver doesn’t mind. I’d leave it alone. If she feels exhausted. Then yes be that friend and speak to her
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Seriously…….your opinion doesn’t matter. MYOB.
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Coming from someone that lost a child …mind your own business! Took me forever to get over my loss and i couldn’t take care of myself let alone my other child so again mind your own damn business also the situation is between the caregiver and mother not yourself it has absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
Everyone grieves differently. Let her grieve the loss of her baby. Unless the caregiver has said something then its not your business.
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Have you lost a child? My son spent weeks with my parents when I lost my daughter. It doesn’t always help to have them right there. Give her time to grieve and maybe keep your nose out of her business.
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Speaking as someone who has lost and buried their child. If the caregiver is a relative and is ok with it then there is nothing wrong with her leaving and taking time for herself. Losing my child put me into such a deep depression and it was physically hard for me to take care of my other child. I had help while i got through it thankfully. If you havent lost a child then honestly you shouldnt have an opinion because it’s a whole nother level of hurt that no one could possibly understand unless they have been there themself
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This is one time when you need to shhh and let the woman mourn the loss of her child, their are 5 stages of greif
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The kids are probably better off right now. 
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Mind your own business I say
Lmao why is it so hard for people to mind their own business???
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Of course she “should” want them with her but clearly she doesn’t. Those children are blessed to have the consistency, safety, and care that the caregiver is
providing for them. You can’t make someone do or be something they aren’t.
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I didn’t have help to look after my autistic son when my daughter died. I was a mess after it happened, we didn’t have a stable home and my fiance at the time and I had just moved state, were living in a motel and broke up not long after. My son and I were destroyed and hanging on by a thread. We’re still picking up the pieces of our bond 9yrs later because neither of us had time to grieve with constant moving around for years after that. Someone to help would have been amazing around that time and we wouldn’t have suffered as much as we did after her death
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Everyone saying mind your own business. To me, it sounds like the poster is the caregiver, reaching out for help…
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Keep your nose out of it, it’s not your place or business
Maybe the caregiver wants too? It’s really not hard to say no. Unless you yourself are an involved party then I’d definitely stay out of it - it sounds like the mom is going through a really rough time and the kids are definitely better off for the time being.
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Sorry how are you related to caregiver?
Be thankful they’re being loved and taken care of… people mourn in different ways, while I don’t agree with how the mother is handling herself it’s really none of anyone else’s business, what’s important is the kids are being taken care of and not in harms way.
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You can’t judge people for the way they grieve. At least the children are safe
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Unless you are the caregiver and the mom you have no idea what mom is going through and those kids are blessed to have such an amazing person caring for them… if it was an issue said caregiver would have said something I’m sure
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Wow. I hope to God you never have to go through this and then have to put up with judgy peoples opinions on top of everything else.
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I think if it’s not you and somebody else it’s not really your business
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When I was a child my baby sister died, I wish I’d have gone somewhere else to be loved and cared for! Especially those first few weeks! Watching my mum go through that grief was too hard for me and my brother to have to deal with so little. She wasn’t like our mum at all, she was more like a crazed zombie. We lost our sister but also our mum for a very long time. In my memories now it’s the blackest time, so confusing and scary! Remembering her screaming and crying all night and flicking back and forth from hugging us till it hurt to her not even being able to even look at us or be near us! I’m glad those children have somewhere else to go while mum deals with the worst of it! It really is better that way!
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I’m sorry but the monther doesn’t seem to actually want to be with the kids. either go to court to give the care taker full custody and if the caretaker doesn’t want the kids 24/7 then a foster home is probably the best option as there mother probably actually does not deserve her kids and if shes out partying and what not before she had the 3rd kid who passed then thats probably half the reason the kid dyed because shes out partying drinking, possibly taking drugs who knows but the monther does not sound like a mother she sounds like a disappointment.
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Every one is different, the other kids probably miss their Mother and need her try not to judge the Mum she’s probably depressed and grieving if you’re concerned why don’t you offer to help maybe give the caregiver the break.
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Grief affects people in different ways…
She could also be taking advantage of the caregiver,I would also have concerns about the 2 children being back in Mums care too soon,it may well be a struggle for her,with losing one child
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How long is too long to care for someones kids?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How long is too long to care for someones kids?
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I would say it’s between the mother and caregiver, if the caregiver feels it’s been long enough or too much then she should speak to the mother about it
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I think unless you are the caregiver or the caregiver is in your home, or you are related to the mom in some way, it’s really none of your business. As you said, everyone grieves differently and as long as the children are cared for and not abused, if the mom is not in a mind set to care for them herself, you should stay out. You are allowed to have your opinions, and you are not wrong for having your opinions but that’s all they should be, is opinions, ones that are unspoken to the mom or caregiver.
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If someone is you, you are not wrong for thinking the responsibility is too much. However, Grief is a crazy thing and everyone does respond differently to that trauma. Mom probably needs counseling and may never come back to parenting. That is not the response everyone has, but it may be hers. The caregiver should seek some legal protections for her role (so she can make decisions for medical school etc) if she chooses to continue caregiving or if she chooses not to, talk to Mom about alternative options for the children.
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Don’t take in someone else’s kids if you don’t expect to have them for the long run . Clearly mom has issues and shouldn’t have kids in her space
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i think you shouldnt be so judgemental…maybe being away right now is better for her mental health and ide rather her realize shes not ok and needs space than potentially put the babies in danger due to mental health. The caregiver had a choice and if they dont want to care for the other kids they can simply say no. If you arent the caregiver than mind your own business.
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I say unless it directly affects you then mind your business. I don’t see how you think you have any right to judge the mom or even begin to understand what she’s going through unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
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I feel like I’d want to hold my other 2 closer to me in this case. Maybe ‘caregiver’ should file for emergency temporary custody if mom isn’t in the right state of mind to take care of them…. I couldn’t imagine leaving my other children not knowing what’s happening and their little minds trying to understand why mom is leaving them. They just lost a sibling too, depending on age they may or may not understand but they still need their momma !
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That isnt a mom. The caregiver at this point is more of a mom. I really hate to say but it seems like she wants the party life not her “mom” life. She needs help. Mentally she can’t be doing good. Also I hope the state steps up to help this “caregiver” that’s actually doing something for these kids.
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When I had a miscarriage I was terrified to be with my living daughter. I would leave children with the caregiver, and unless the caregiver decides they can not care for them anymore just because it’s “unfair”, THEY need to talk to mom and find a different solution. If that happens in this time though - that’s super shitty. I’d keep my opinion to myself unless it is you who is the caregiver.
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I lost my 15 month old daughter when I was 7 months pregnant with my oldest son.
My son was born and I was numb. I didn’t have that wonderful bonding moment with my son. I was terrified of him and my ability to care for him.
I had help but no “caregiver”. I “saw” my son for the first time when my son was 5 months old.
Losing had an effect on the way I parented my children that came after it and at times to their detriment.
Grief is a cruel bastard that never truly leaves. This mom is struggling on a level you could never understand. You kinda suck for judging her. There are people who never recover from that type of loss. And I get it. It took me 5 years to really understand my daughter was never coming back… 5 YEARS!! My judgement was horrible during this period.
If this mom has someone who loves her children enough to care for them, praise God and pray intensely for mom! Because while she is going through the motions, even if she looks “fine”, she closes her door at night and fights with her own mind for life. If she loses the battle with her mind, those kids will be on their own indefinitely. It’s brutal.
You just be thankful that you’ll never have to understand this level of grief and pain.
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Whatever agreement mom and caregiver have is really none of your business. Unless you are the caregiver, you really don’t need to get involved. If you are the caregiver, it’s time to have a talk with the mom. Be gentle, but set a deadline.
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How about kindly mind your own business. Do you have kids? Did one die? I do. One of mine did. No one gets to judge this moms process but her and God and her own kids. This caregiver gets to set her own boundaries. You aren’t either of them, so stay out of it. Maybe look at that, your need to judge others on how they live, grieve, parent.
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Stay TF out of it if you’re not mom or caregiver. You have NO idea what this is like. I personally Only had a miscarriage, but I watched my best friend lose her child. It changed her and her whole family. Stay out of it and let mom mourn however she wants/needs. Unless you’re dropping off dinner or hugging her leave her be.
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This mother needs to grieve. Everyone grieves differently. Also unless the caregiver has expressed concern, I’m not sure what your role is here ?
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Personally as a kid that was in this situation, the kids are better off with the caregiver right now. When I went through this with my mom, she completely forgot I even existed and I was home with her the whole time. I ended up being the one taking care of her at 12 years old, her grieving went on for months and she didn’t start getting better until she got a therapist.
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First off is she paying this care taker money? If she is then there is absolutely no reason. If not then obviously it’s a friend and the friend should understand that grieving over a child is hard, and if she doesn’t want her other children to see her like that then it should be understandable. But after all that I will contradict my comment and say the mother needs someone with her at all times… Because she is very emotional and the thoughts going through her brain it’s unknown what she may do. I lost a friend to suicide after she lost her 4 the child. Be there for the woman. Losing a child is worse then losing a parent…
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Think we need a time frame for reference. I know when my mom lost my baby brother to SIDS she “checked out” for about a year. Luckily I (a child) didn’t really notice at the time because my aunts stepped in and I spent a lot of time with them and my cousins. However my mom was attending therapy and support groups and such. Everyone grieves differently but as long as they are going down a healthy path and the children are safe I’d say it’s between the caregiver and the mom as to what their next steps need to be.
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I think the mom needs to be seeking therapy or even inpatient therapy. The caregiver also has a life that she needs to live and cannot be the one taking on someone elses responsibility. Grieving or not. There are limits to these things.
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I’m sorry all these people are bashing on you as the OP. I feel the same as you do. I think she should want to be with her children. I feel like she is using this as an excuse to live her free life.
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I lost a child, I couldn’t even function for the minimum of 2 weeks. There was funeral planning, picking out a headstone, life insurance paperwork, financial requirements, a family gathering after the funeral, the preparation of the child (this includes picking out what they will be buried in)…its not cut and dry like some of you think. Grief has no time limit, if the caregiver can’t take on this responsibility, just talk to the mother and try to make different arrangements…trust me, she likely isn’t thinking about taking advantage of you at this point. She needs you to step up and help her and like I said, if you just can’t then let her know.
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You never did say how long it’s been. I think it is up to the caregiver to tell the mom she needs to take her kids back. Maybe the kids are better off with the caregiver.
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Try being a little sympathetic the mom lost a baby, and everyone grieves differently. If I were you I’d mind my own business because if the caregiver had an issue then that person should talk to the mother and figure something out. This is a very sensitive time whether she lost her child a few months ago or not. She carried her baby, that’s got to be the worst pain imaginable to lose your child. Have you ever thought about what the moms going through? Ever cared to think about it? Especially if you’ve never lost a child, I don’t feel like you should speak on something like that with such harshness.
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I would say you just need to simply mind your own business and let them grieve how they want to grieve. It isn’t you going through the loss or dealing with it, so why are you putting your nose where it doesn’t belong…
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Unless your helping the situation keep your mouth shut! That’s between mom and caregiver. Period.
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I think it really depends how long it’s been since the baby has passed, and like you said everyone grieves differently. Losing a child is likely the most excruciating emotional pain you can endure. Be gentle and kind to this mama. She’s not perfect but neither are you boo.
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1st- yes, mom is grieving but it doesn’t give her the right to ‘dump’ her kids constantly with a caregiver. Those children are grieving the loss of a sibling. They should all be healing together.
2nd- mom clearly has no boundaries when it comes to handing these kids off… she was doing it before the baby was born, after the baby was born and now after the death of the baby…. Is she really mother material?
3rd- insult to injury my ass…. These kids that are with the caregiver I bet rarely hear from this ‘mother’… and if that is truly the case when she goes out of the state… I WOULD call Child services. As a caregiver, you are to care for the children, protect the children and report of if YOU FEEL the children are being neglected. Neglect isn’t always abuse,(verbal or physical)… abandonment is abuse! It sounds like she abandons them daily!
4th- hold no guilt…. If you feel you need to ‘poll the audience’ about this then something already isn’t sitting right with you about this situation!
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Unless you’ve lost a child you won’t understand. It’s not your place to tell someone how to grieve. Stay in your lane.
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Sorry but can all the people who have not lost a child stop judging?!
Having had a miscarriage at 16 weeks, a miscarriage with twins at 10 weeks and also lost a son at 3.5yrs old, there is a HUGE difference between a miscarriage and losing a child, and it is impossible to predict how someone will feel while coming to terms with what they’ve gone through.
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Care giver needs to go file an abandonment order and get custody of those children since she already has them all the time
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If the caregiver is the Dad then it’s called parenting. If caregiver is a Grandparent seek custody. I would have to know who Caregiver is before I’d say anything or to whom.
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Care giver needs to get a lawyer and take full custody or guardianship.
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Sorry, as a mom who lost a child…. My other child was my life I needed him!!! Caregiver needs to step up and have a talk with her!
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Honestly, unless you’ve lost a child, what you thinm doesn’t matter. You didn’t say if its been a month or a year… This is between the caregiver and the mom, not you the caregiver and mom.
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As someone who has had to bury my daughter, I know how hard it is. Just getting up in the morning is hard. Knowing that you get another day but your baby doesn’t, it’s traumatizing. I think she should be seeking therapy but she’s running from her trauma. As for her kids, I can see both sides, on one hand I’m sure seeing her living children is a painful reminder of the one she lost. But on the other hand I couldn’t leave my children after my baby passed away. It’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently. It’s not our place to judge her. But there will be a time when someone in her family will need to tell her it’s time to come back home and face this new reality because her children need her. It’s a difficult situation all around.
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Sounds like this particular mother does not WANT to have her children. Tough position for the care give unfortunately, but those children won’t be safe with mom
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I couldn’t not have my babies with me. They’d be how I would get through something so horrible.
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Wow she’s better than me. There’s no way I’d let her leave without them. Not my offspring. A day or two maybe but more than that it’s taking advantage and negligent. Some ppl are poor excuse for parents. Empathy sure but this is shameful.
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It sounds like the mom wasn’t really there for the other 2 children really anyways. Leaving them with the car giver to do what ever, sounds like she’s afraid of responsibility of her two other children and the death of her third kinda made her realize
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My son died at 3.5yrs old, my daughter was 6. I HATED being on my own, but also struggled to be around her, around all the questions from her.
This conversation needs to happen between them.
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I lost my 16 year old daughter 9 years ago on Saturday. At the time i had an almost 1 year old. Unless you have lost a child you can’t possibly understand. I didn’t want to be around anyone, including my husband and young daughter who I love with everything in me. I completely fell apart and I am grateful to this day for those who stepped in and made sure things were taken care of when I just couldn’t. Not emotionally, physically, anything. It was a solid year before I was even going through the motions of life again and it is something you never get over
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Sounds like “mom” doesn’t even want her kids.
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As you already said, everyone grieves differently. I refuse to judge this woman. Is what she doing kind of shitty? Absolutely. With that said though, its also none of your business. If the caregiver agreed to it than you need to keep your nose out of the situation because it isn’t your battle. I was in the home when my sister died and watched my mother lose herself entirely afterwards. She never drank or smoked or anything up till that point. She completely spiraled for a couple years before bouncing back. She was afraid to be around the rest of us and when she was, she was so anxious all the time thinking we were going to die too. A loss of a child is hard. Just be thankful you haven’t had to endure that pain.
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It’s your opinion so it’s not wrong, but it’s also legitimately none of your business. It’s between the caregiver and the parent, if caregiver doesn’t want to keep the kids they need to speak up and make that known. It doesn’t matter what it looks like from the outside, if all involved parties are good with it.
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The lady birthed a baby & took it home knowing it was dying, cared for the baby & was probably with it until & when it died, & y’all have audacity to speak on what she should be doing & feeling! Everyone of y’all should be ashamed of yourselves. This is a moms group & y’all are shaming a mom who is grieving the death of her fkn child. I am genuinely still shocked at the amount of arrogant ignorance in the world & even on fb.
I’d be slightly concerned she may be suicidal but other than that, if you OP and/or caregiver are her friends, y’all should be encouraging her & helping her to do wtf she needs to do to move past this & stop judging her & just be thankful that you’re not & hopefully never have to understand wtf she is going through.
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It’s better not to judge , everyone is different there way of showing emotions r different, grieve is itself a very big word, if ur using this word for someone thn leave that person alone without judging.
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Unless you are the caregiver, it is none of your business. Everyone grieves differently. Have some compassion.
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Being a mother who lost a 6 year old daughter and still had two other kids, and like you said EVERYONE GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY! I wanted and needed some alone time to gather my thoughts and to grieve in peace without having to run around chasing my other two. So my family kept my other two for a few days, now I’m not saying it’s cool to run outta state for weeks, but if that’s what she needs than that’s what she needs. Are you paying her bills or babysitter? So really, is it any of your business? 
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I lost my son he wasn’t a baby but does it matter…He was one of three. It’s heartbreaking to lose a child of any age. I speak for myself I could never leave my children as for myself we needed each other more then everI was not the only one grieving…
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Depending on how long it’s been she can be had for abandoning her other children!! The other people on here that r saying that’s its none of your business ur just being a concerned person! I completely understand! Some people just don’t have a heart!
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Not saying your right or wrong but mind ya own business , when my daughter lost her 6 month old son tragically…I took her other 3 boys for the summer to give her time to grieve…process things, shes not on drugs or goes to clubs…instead of being part of the problem (gossip) help find a solution 
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I’d leave that up to the mom & caregiver. As a mom who lost a baby 23 years ago, you never stop grieving, but you do have to push forward. And help she can get, I’m sure she will be eternally grateful for.
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Partying & going away are not grieving & I suspect this mom was already doing these things but now is calling it grieving I have lost a child but I don’t pretend to know how any1 else grieves but this sounds like a problem mom had before the new baby
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