She’s a selfish pos no matter what she’s been through. I’ve been an addict but my kids came first. I suffered through withdrawal when I got pregnant because I would never to that to my baby. I suffered through another withdrawal while taking care of a baby and a 5 year old. Been clean a while now. There’s nothing on this earth that could take me willingly away from my kids. I’ve walked through the fire to come out burned beyond belief just to keep my kids safe, healthy, happy, and with me. I feel so bad for those kids. I have empathy for the mother but those kids need a REAL MOM who will be there no matter what.
I would honestly have to know the length of time, but im assuming a great length of time. I can’t say the time I’d need if I lost my son, but however, I don’t think I could let anyone else care for my kids, if I had lost one. I could see a month or so out and needing just a day to recoup and sort of reset. However, I’m not even sure on that. If I lost a child, I would want my children with me at all times. I’ve never lost a child and I’m still a nervous wreck when one or my two girls spend the night with papaw or their aunt. I’m calling all the time and that’s them being 10-15 minutes away. When my husband lost his father, and when I lost my stepfather- our oldest daughter knew the concept of them not coming back, and that she would not see them any more, but she didn’t realize how permanent. She was about 4 when they passed. She was there at our sides every time. She was our little cuddle baby. She was this absolute sweet amazing child that would let you cry, hand you a Kleenex and grab the throw blanket and cuddle up against you. Usually she is a wild child and running nonstop. She has ADHD and is unmedicated while we have been trying to figure out the right care plan for her, with her individual life and medical issues and other behavioural and Neuro issues. So it’s been a long road. Otherwise, she’s my wild child. Not those times though. Those times she knew. So I could never imagine sending any of my kids anywhere else while something like that happened. Plus, the kids, they’re grieving too. They waited all that time and now they have no sibling. With at least 2 other kids, that’s minimum of what I’d assuming the oldest of being at least 3. Which means they understand SOMETHING is going on and wondering where is baby, and where is Mom? Not to mention the why has mom just left me here and not returned? Id say at this point, they were there prior, baby came home, has passed. That’s I’m assuming more than a week… No way id be able to do that when losing a child. I could understand needing someone to watch just so you could have the day to plan arrangements or just to cry or because not everyone is mentally ok to lose a child and take care of theirselves at that time let alone kids. So I could see is being maybe 1 to 3 days MAX, which its ok to need time and I’ll always agree with that, but personally, regardless of my mental health, if I ever lost a child, I could in no way let my other children out of my sight. I do hope the mom and those kids get whatever help they all may need to help heal them, or help them through all of this. I personally, if it was overuse and just using the “caregiver” at this point, id absolutely say something to the mom and offer resources you may know of or can research.
Personally every one handles grief differently. If this is not you caring for the kids keep yourself to yourslf.
This women just suffered the worst fate ever. Watching your child suffer and die and being unable to help. Sorry but she maybe suffering mentally and this if she saw it wldnt help her.
She is a vulnerable person right now remember that when you cast your judgemental eyes.
Support n love and get her help assist the caregiver those kids just lost a sibling too.
As for mum going out and partying occasionally and having someone care for her kids plz karen take a seat. That’s normal many parents let their kids be babysat to go out. If they didn’t the word babysitting wld never exist.
If the caregiver has an issue let her talk to mum.
There is no time That’s to long or to short in this situation
If someone is you, you are not wrong for thinking the responsibility is too much. However, Grief is a crazy thing and everyone does respond differently to that trauma. Mom probably needs counseling and may never come back to parenting. That is not the response everyone has, but it may be hers. The caregiver should seek some legal protections for her role (so she can make decisions for medical school etc) if she chooses to continue caregiving or if she chooses not to, talk to Mom about alternative options for the children.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How long is too long to care for someones kids?
She needs counseling
It’s nothing to do with you let the people I question deal with it they want to, getting yourself involved will make things 10x worse.
She should have never been a mother if shes gunna run away from her kids.
Sounds like mom is abandoning the kids…may need to get law enforcment involved or consult an lawyer about the legal aspects and medical responsibilities on the caregivers part.
Not your business how others handle grief, stay out of people’s life’s caregiver and mom.
I think if youre not the mother that lost the Child its none of your concern. Losing a child no matter how changes everyone differently period. She may not mentally be stable enough to take care of her other 2 so why put them thru that? If you aren’t mom or caregiver mind your own. Shes grieving no matter how you see it.
I think you should myob❗
I definitely agree law enforcement/DCS needs to be involved. You never know her state of mind and it could be unsafe to just assume she should be taking care of her own children while she’s acting irrational.
Its possible the poster is the care giver and needs to know what to do. Telling her to mind her business might not be the best advice if she’s the one taking care of this “mothers” kids.
Unless you have lost a baby, you will never understand. She is grieving and most likely needs counseling. If you aren’t personally involved, stay out of it.
Is the caregiver a paid caregiver or a friend?
If the caregiver doesn’t mind, what’s the harm?
All of you saying she should’ve never been a mom if she was going to “run away” have obviously never experienced the loss of a child and need to mind your own business. People handle grief differently, it’s not our job to figure it out, it’s our job to help.
Grieving and needs some space. Understandable if the children are taken care of and trusted with another person. She should come back however I wouldn’t be gone for to long. But out yourself I. That position and maybe you could understand a little more.
None of your business. The caregiver can make her own choices. Stay out of it.
Sounds like they are better off with caregiver. And if caregiver don’t mind then why complain. As long as said kids are taken care of. Is all that matters
Yes, you are wrong to judge how anyone would and should grieve.
She needs trauma and grief therapy.
Not very many people in this comment section have lost a kid. Count yourselves lucky.
It’s time for the caregiver to decide what she wants for the future really. If mum has not been present for the past 3 weeks or more I’d suggest getting legal proceedings involved as she’s abandoned her kids. Everyone grieves differently but if this was a pattern before the death of the child then its time to take some action to support the children long term. They need stability and if she wasn’t present before and kept dropping them off for long periods of time then nothing is likely to change in the future. From what’s said seems mum wasn’t very around long before grieving her child
Depends on the time frame and what the caregiver wants to do? Are the kids being a bother to caregiver? Does she want to keep them or unsure what to do if she doesn’t return for them?
At the end of the day the mum is gunna do what the mum is gunna do. Either abandon them or return for them. If caregiver doesn’t want to keep the kids much longer and mum won’t return them a call to DOCS is needed.
As long as the caregiver is good with watching the children then stay out of it please.
The care giver needs to contact child services. Sounds like the mother needs help or she’s enjoying being free
If it’s putting a burden on the “caregiver” the caregiver should talk with the mom and let her know about it before she leaves if she still chooses to go I would say caregiver should take legal action against the mom so that the caregiver can have the kids or they can be placed elsewhere in a more permanent situation
On the same note, how long can you expect your 70-year-old mom to provide child care for your 6-year-old autistic child, just bc you failed to plan for summer care? I love my granddaughter but I’m on my last energy reserves. Can’t do much more.
Where’s the father of all these kids ? Grieving or not you have kids to take care of. Having a sitter here and there is fine or having someone stay there for support but taking advantage of someone isn’t right
If the caregiver is willing to help her out like that I dont believe its unfair. That mother is probably going through the worst experience a parent can and there’s no way to know how you would grieve unless you were in that exact position. Until enough time has passed to know for sure whether she’s not capable of caring for them after losing her baby, time is what she needs and even that isn’t going to make everything better. She needs therapy, possibly medication to help depression etc so care by her physician, she has to take the first step to initiate those things also and that can be very hard. There’s so many factors that need to be considered. The caregiver is doing a very generous thing caring for her children but as long as that person is ok with loving and caring for them while their mom gets her shit together I don’t believe anyone else should be involved or needs to stick their nose where it doesn’t belong
That’s between the mom and the caregiver. Having a child in hospice care will take a very large emotional toll on the person, losing the child will be even worse. The toll is unimaginable. She is being responsible by leaving the children under the care of someone else while she is trying to deal with her loss. It would be irresponsible to place the children in the care of someone who feels emotionally unable to care for them, that is how tragedies happen. It seems selfish of someone to try and say how someone should grieve the loss of a child if they’re not the one in the situation.
I was 9 months old when my older brother who was 2 passed. I never had a caregiver take care of me. When my brother was in the hospital I stayed with my grandparents so my mom could be with him. After my brother passed that night my mom came home and took me. Ppl asked if she needed help with me her answer was no. I was the reason she made it through that.
You don’t abandone your children because one passes away! She’s not wanting to take care of them.
If the caregiver has an issue than I would recommend her talking with the mother and letting her know what the issues are. For example if this is all free and she no longer can do it for free than she needs to have the mother start paying. If it’s becoming where she would like the children less than she needs to let that be known as well. If it’s simply you who has the issue and you’re not the caregiver, as well as the caregiver is fine with the situation than yes stay in your lane.
I’ve had 2 sisters that have lost a child & they both handled it way different than each other. Everyone is different & to be honest I think you should stay out of it, if the caregiver hasn’t got an issue then leave them be. Don’t make more issues for an already grieving mother. Think about what you decide to do cause she’s obviously not in the right mind frame & you never know it may push her over the edge. Leave it up to the caregiver 
Could ppd… most women won’t know to admit they have it until last minute… try talking and seeking help/advice.
I really feel like there’s a good chance that the person asking the question is the caregiver
ASK YOURSELF- How do you fit into this?? How does this affect you, personally?? Why does it matter to you so much if you arent the caregiver??
If you are the care giver, just tell her how you feel. Tell her that she has to start taking care of her kids again. If you’re not the caregiver, then mind your business. Maybe the caretaker really doesn’t mind. 
Sounds like mom needs some counseling. This post doesn’t say if how much time mom has spent with the children while they’ve been with the caregiver or if she’s taken them at all. Honestly it’s between the mom and caregiver. It is their arrangement, their situation. Only those two know the full details of everything. For all anyone knows mom is in counseling and is working on things. It’s really not for everyone to know other than those that have to know. I just pray mom is getting the help she needs as it can be a very traumatic experience.
Sounds like mom is going through post traumatic stress. She’s trying to find a way out of the pain. The caregiver needs to talk to mom and be firm yet understanding. Mom needs professional help. If caregiver is ok taking care of the kids until mom’s ready that’s one thing. If not, contact a family member that would be willing to take kids. If nothing else works at that point you would have to get child services involved. It’s sad all around because you do not know what’s going through mom’s head right now. Even if you think it’s time for her to stop, you aren’t her.
If you’re not the caregiver or the caregiver isn’t complaining and the children are being well cared for and not mistreated or abused then it isn’t your business.
I think you should stay out of other peoples business
If the caregiver has an issue then they need to speak up or forever be used! As a mom of 3 angels its hard damn hard to take care of other kids the first few months after!!;2 1/2 yrs and there are times I am overwhelmed…dont judge if not your shoes
Obviously this is her business, she’s taking care of someone else’s kid’s. Duh
Obviously she didn’t care to be a mom BEFORE having the now deceased baby. Why would you think she’s going to want to be a mom now? Yes it’s unfair. Not just to the caregiver but to those kids too. But you can’t force someone to be a parent. Just be glad mom doesn’t have them to neglect or abuse. There are options for the caregiver if they choose. But that’s on them. 
Everyone grieves differently, I would never assume to know what a mother “needs” or should do in that situation. It’s 100% up to the caregiver to know if it’s too much time and speak up if they’re feeling that way. I commend the caregiver for stepping up, it takes a village, especially after something like this. All rules go out the door when it comes to these things.
I did some things I never thought I’d do while grieving. An 18 month downward spiral. And in all of it I was praying and begging God to take the pain from me and help me just be the mom and wife I knew I was supposed to be, but I could not pull myself out of that depression. Although I was physically present, I was not there and my kids and husband suffered greatly. I could see it, I wanted it to stop and I just couldn’t pick myself back up. It took counseling and depression/anxiety meds and a suicide attempt before I started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, 3 years later and a year and a half past the end of that time of my life, I can say in absolutely horror and disbelief how bad it was and I’m so damn thankful for the “caregivers” in my life who didn’t give up on me and kept praying me through and showing me and my kids and husband LOVE LOVE LOVE 
They are the reason im standing on the other side of that storm sober and alive and thriving, living my best life with my babies and precious husband. So, I say all that to say this- you do not get to judge someone else’s grieving. Not how they grieve, not how long, none of it. I was a Christian woman very grounded in my faith and not me nor anyone else would have ever thought I’d sink into the depression I did and it take over my life like that so I will forever say until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes you can’t possibly know or understand what they’re going through or how they will or should handle it. The absolute best thing to do it just love them through it. Show them love, encourage them to heal and let them know you are rooting for them. The caretaker needs love and support too, she is playing a vital role in moms healing and I’m sure it’s exhausting for her so help where you can and show her love also. And them babies. Prayers for the whole group of folks.
My sister lost her son 20 years ago . Not a day goes by she doesn’t mourn. Also being a mom to a baby that passed . She not only lost the child she carried for 9 months but could also have post partem depression combined. If you don’t want to be the babysitter which is what you are . Than ask her to make other arrangements or call the grandparents. Where’s Dad he has parents
Grieving don’t mean leaving children sorry it don’t I said what I said
But maybe it’s her way of coping who knows
There’s no easy answer here. Do what is best for those kids! Someone mentioned getting child services involved. That is the worst possible outcome for those children!!! The adults in this situation need to have a discussion and if even one party does what’s best for the kids they’ll be alright and that’s what should matter most here.
When Mom leaves the state…call the state…child abandonment just be prepared to do a kinship placement bc the state will want them to stay where they are
You don’t get to tell someone how they should grieve, especially not to grieve a child. It would probably be better to leave the other children with a family member, someone they know and trust, but if mom doesn’t grieve however she need to, she’ll become unstable.
If the caregiver is open to a kinship placement I’d suggest she speak to mom about doing this before she leaves the state. It’s important the caregiver have the legal ability to make decisions for the children be it medical, educational or otherwise. A kinship placement establishes custody, keeps the children out of the foster care system and would allow mom the time she needs to heal and get herself straight while ensuring her children’s safety. It can also save a lot of headaches for the caregiver down the road should mom choose not return.
It’s not your place to judge or your business. The kids are being cared for and not neglected or abandoned. People grieve differently. If you want to help maybe think of a more positive approach. A hot meal to drop off, a walk or a kind card.
If mom’s not ready she could danger herself or kids. Caregiver if it’s you, seek help if it’s to much. Life is hard, grieving takes time. This situation is hard on everyone.
Since the caregiver has been doing all the parenting and it looks like the mother has all but abandoned the children, the caregiver should probably look into getting custody if the caregiver wants to continue caring them but it doesn’t look like the mother wants to be a mom because of the abandonment. If the caregiver doesn’t want to gain custody then someone should take those kids who actually wants to care for them right.
If your not the caregiver & it’s a friend that is then you need to be there for the caregiver. If you are the caregiver then I would suggest to the mom that she sign papers giving you the children temporarily. Parents grieve differently & do need time after a loss but abandoning the children that you still have & making them feel as if they aren’t wanted is not the way to do it. Look into resources for the caregiver & children no matter where you factor into this situation.
When you have a baby you are responsible for them. Grieving or not. No matter the age.
Maybe mum is doing it for the best interest of her children. She sounds like she needs support not judgement right now X
Maybe those babies are safer with care giver at this point and mom knows she can’t handle it 
Sounds like this mom is having a hard time and knowing she’s incapable of caring for her other children she left them with someone she felt comfortable caring for them, I think you need to learn some compassion every one deals with trauma differently.
I really don’t see this as grieving at this point. Sounds like the mum doesn’t want to deal with the kids, considering this isn’t a new thing, she was doing it well before the loss of the baby. I knew a mum who did the same things, would just drop her kids off at Tom dick and Harry’s house for months at a time, with no money given or food, nothing. It’s pure negligence. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them. Don’t pawn them off to everyone else.
What if something happens to the kids medically? The caregiver can’t ok treatment. They just need to sit down and talk and discuss what’s best for all involved
Having had my daughter still born I can say it never goes away, u hurt every second for the rest of ur life. Saying that, I clung to my son even more grateful when it happened. I don’t think u should put others business on social media but since u have I’d say it sounds like the mum needs friends and support.
It’s understandable she is grieving but yes she still has other children to think about.
In that case she should sign rights over until she’s well enough to get them back.
You lose a child but still should not forget the rest of her children.
My mother lost her only son and she kept pushing and being strong for the rest of her daughters and grandchildren.
The caregiver shouldn’t make the kids fee unwelcome. Their family is going through so much right now. It’s so rude to be judgmental at this time. SMH.
Some moms tend to forget about their other children after a loss… you see this kind of stories everywhere unfortunately
Id say let the women grieve hopelessly watching your child die and not being able to do anything was hard enough. Maybe she needs to sort herself out mentally. Lets hope she doesn’t see this and it tips her over the edge
Absolutely noone needs to report her and have her remaining children removed how sick are you people.
The women just lost a baby who was seriously unwell given words hospice. There is no time frame. Maybe caregiver can ask the mother how long and what she wants.
You know its between them at the end of the day noone else.
Being kind and supportive at a time like this is all she needs not lets report her to the state for leaving her kids. Some ppl
She needs to not forget she has alive children that need her!
The mother and caregiver both need support and not any sort of judgment until you’ve walked in the mothers shoes don’t try telling her how to tie her shoe laces
Who is the “caregiver” a relative? And ya your opinion on when she should be ready needs to go somewhere else . It sounds like a very slanted story which tells me it could be she is not a rotten partying mom
It sounds to me like the kids are better off with the caregiver right now.
The mom seems like she isnt ready for the kids to be back.
It may be unfair to the caregiver but those kids need someone caring for them. Mom ain’t the one right now.
Caregiver needs to get an attorney and petition for custody/guardianship of the kiddos.
Has literally nothing to do with you. Mind ya business.
Everyone greaves differently, so too long? Anything under a year of solid support would be ridiculous.
Yes that’s. Unfair. To caregiver
First if you’re not the caregiver then youre opinion on this doesn’t matter. Does the caregiver feel they’re being taken advantage of? If so they need to talk to the mom.
It’s not exactly the same but my mom was on hospice. I had a 4yo at the time. I had no help. Her family just put me under even more stress than dealing with a dying parent already is. I wish someone would be offered to take my son so I could focus on my mom & later myself. Everyone says “I would you think you’d want your child with you”. Those are people who haven’t had this expirence. I wish I was able to grieve how I needed to without needing to be strong in front of my child. I wish I could’ve cried without feeling guilty for upsetting my son. They say loosing a child is worse than loosing a parent. I can’t imagine what she’s going through. Neither can you. You should stop judging her & putting your nose in this situation that doesn’t involve you. This is between the caregiver & mom.
If you’re not the caregiver mine your own
Caregiver just needs to take custody.
So, I’m just going to comment on the very last part of this post. I just lost my baby brother and I fully want my 3 y/o with me all the time (as he’s always been), but I am straight up not a great mom right now. If my mom wasn’t helping pick up my slack, I’d probably have to send my little guy to be with his dad (not a great option) or his other grandparents for a while.
An incredibly sad situation and not my place to judge . Grief affects us all differently.
Hoping the mom gets back to her children soon though…they will be grieving too
Seems like not your business unless caregiver is complaining to you, making the children feel unwelcome or failing to provide the necessary care.
How long had it been?
You sound judgmental AF!
If the caregiver is being paid, I doubt she really has any issues… unless you’re the caregiver. In which case, you can always quit. But I think you need to probably mind your own.
Those kids are probably safe, and being with that caregiver is likely a good option for them and mom as she navigates through this loss.
You say you understand that everyone grieves in their own way… but you actually don’t understand that at all. Be better.
Has the caregiver voiced concerns with mom? Caregiver depending on state could get into trouble without going through proper legal channels to keep children she is not legal for.
If you don’t understand - than think yourself lucky.
Being a mom that lost her son and has 2 other children . Until you lose a child seriously keep your mouth shut !!! Unless the caregiver has a problem then she needs to take it up with child services . But let me tell you something losing a child young or an adult is the worst pain EVER any parent will ever go through . Even losing your other family members does not even compare . It demolishes you to your core . My forever 25 year old son has been gone 2 years this sept 4 and it’s stil feels like the day he left to go to heaven .
It sounds like it’s none of your business if you’re not the “Mom” or the “Caregiver.”
I’d be more focussed on the mothers mental health so the 2 children don’t lose their mother aswell as there baby brother or sister.
I don’t know how grieving mothers find their strength to still be on this earth personally it’d kill me, if anything this post is unfair on her.
I feel for the caregiver in this situation as well as the mom. The caregiver took care of the 3rd baby before the passing and I’m sure the caregiver is grieving as well.
It sounds like the mother is not in a good place mentally, which is understandably so. Therefore it’s probably best for the children to be in a stable and caring environment with the caretaker. Grief is an impossible situation. It’s best to lean on the side of grace and empathy.
Not your business. If the kids are safe that’s a family matter.
Yes, you’re wrong, and also, unless you’re the care giver it’s not any of your business.
Unless your the caregiver it’s nothing really to do with you. I’m assuming there’s more to this story and do you know how hard it is to bury a baby?
You can barely care for yourself after this so maybe she’s thinking of the actual kids and thinks it’s the best for them right now to be with someone else, so maybe try being less judgemental until you’ve been through the same stuff as this woman. Grief absolutely destroys you piece by piece. She might have them back when she’s feeling up to it, you do realise when your child dies, most times you want to die too right? I’ve been there twice so I know how it feels.
I say if the kids are safe then I don’t think anything else matters right now.
It’s none of your business.
The End 
Sorry hun but you will never understand that grief she’s going thru. If I was you I would be worried abt the mom right now cause she’s probably going thru severe depression right now which is y she’s been going out of state to clear her mind but that could be an indication she might harm herself n doesn’t want anybody around to stop her from doing it. I really hope you’re not the caregiver of her children either tbh. I pray you never go thru losing a child after carrying them for 9 months then the baby came home as a hospice baby then passed away. I don’t know what I would do if I watched my child dying n there was nothing I could do cause I know for a fact I would lose my damn mind completely
At least there is someone responsible to care for those children, all respect should go to her