How long have these kids been with the caregiver? Have they had any visits with mom?
I used to be a Foster parent and attended many counseling and trainings. My adopted children’s counselor told us that after 3 months of not seeing someone or talking to them a child will start to forget that person. My children were 3 and 4.
At this Point of the mom isn’t interested I would suggest the care giver file guardianship paperwork at the court.
These children need a stable home and if they have been there before this happened with the new baby then there is no excuse.
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Sounds like the two kids are in a better situation with the caregiver then they would be with the mom.
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When our youngest son died in infancy, I grieved horribly. But I needed to have my other babies around me. I did want to be separated from them for one moment. That mom is missing out on the time she can spend with her other children. And they need her. They don’t understand what is going on.
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She’s not ready to take care of her other two kids. She needs a strong support system. She needs professional help. . It’s not fair to the caregiver at all but the mom needs help. If you’ve never lost a child then nobody should judge. The mom needs help. In the meantime the woman who’s taking care of the kids could also pursue other help. She didn’t ask to be in charge. There are so many sides to the story. Non of which are fair. Seek help, have an open heart and an understanding mind on both sides 
Partying and going away are very common for people who have just lost someone, and I wouldn’t doubt that’s her way of coping considering she just lost her baby. Would I leave my kids? No, but I’m not gonna shame another mom who handles her emotions differently. Give her time to process this. Especially if you’re saying it literally just happened, she might not be able to mentally cope with her other children right now, or she may be afraid something will happen to them, or she’ll see her baby in them. I would give her a few days, and let caregiver reach out and subltely ask what her plans are and go from there. Let her grieve.
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Feels like one side of a many sided story. Lacking a bit of empathy. And some of the comments ’ she’s not a mom’ or ’ she doesn’t deserve them’. Her baby died and all I hope is someone can have a genuine check in with mom and see if SHE IS OKAY. Ffs people.
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It sucks losing anyone especially your child, but why would anyone feel like it’s okay to dismiss their other children? Mom still has 2 kids and I agree we grieve differently but that’s unfair to them and caregiver
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People handle trauma in different ways. When I experienced trauma I wanted my child away from me till I knew I was back to myself (for the most part) but I went to a hospital and a safe house. I didn’t go party. However if that’s what she needs to do it’s really none of your business
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Personally after losing one I don’t think I’d let the others out of my sight. But everyone grieves differently. It’s should be between them and if caregiver is getting to the point of it being too much she should say something and/or go from there.
Everyone grieves differently. Taking care of and giving attention to children takes energy, while being around them may be good for her, she may not have the emotional and mental energy it requires to give to her other children. It’s very hard when you are empty to give to others. They are also a reminder of everything she is missing out on with her baby that has passed. It may not seem fair to you, but she just needs a minute to come to terms with it.
Please don’t do that.
My stepson and his sister (not related to us). Were left behind with a random man in a hotel for several weeks. When that “man” could no longer afford the hotel, they were sleeping in a parking lot behind a church. Staff tried to help them and the “man” lied saying they were his sisters kids.
Their “mom” went to Cali (we live in Texas) for a man, a whole month. By the time she came back, she didn’t try to get the kids or tell my husband where their son was. Repeatedly LIED. My stepson was getting no financial help from mom.
We had post a public missing juvenile post, make a police report and were denied help from the Missing Persons program.
Thankfully we found both kids, and I found his sisters dad. I had to because “mom” would hide the kids very often
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I lost a child at 3 weeks and I would have loved to have children around me! A year later I had my second whos now turning 6 and she helped me grow and become a better person. I passed my grieving then
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Is the caregiver not wanting to care for the older children if not it’s good to go to court & file for guardianship. Because if something happens to the kids then how is the caregiver going to take them to the hospital or anything regarding their health. It’s better to have guardianship in place than it is for DHS/DFS to get involved.
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Yeah caregiver needs to set some boundaries. Unless she wants to keep those kiddos , then she should just let the mom do what she is doing and ask the courts for custody.
It’s really hard to say much on this not knowing who you are in the situation. You’re entitled to think what you want but I think it’s clear no matter what is going on the children are currently probably better off with the caregiver. Now if the caregiver is not wanting to be in this role they need to express that themselves; and If she’s a friend or family member which I’m guessing is the case, she can help mom figure out what else she can do for getting the children in a good place.
I’m sure the Mom is grieving. However, she may need to come up with an alternative plan as the caregiver may be tired, need a break or does not want the responsibility of being a main caregiver anymore. In the long term they need to discuss a plan but if I’m not involved, I wouldn’t suggest it unless it was someone I’m really close to.
The birth mom needs to take her kids back or work out some kind of agreement with the caregiver. Foster care springs to mind.
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If the caregiver is caring for the 2 children then she can decide for herself what she wants to do. It sounds like they are much better off with her. Since you can’t seem to myob maybe you can help her with the unfortunate situation she’s kind enough to be doing. If the state steps in - I feel very sorry for the kiddos.
What you think is irrelevant, you are not in this ladies situation…
Let’s say she gets them back, then neglects them or even worse harms them, would that make you feel better?
If she’s brave enough to ask for help who’s to say how long that help lasts??
If you haven’t ever lost a child, keep your mouth shut. You have NO idea what this mom needs. She has just endured the worst emotional pain a human being can possibly experience. Let her grieve in her own way. If she’s abusing or neglecting the kids, then caregiver should step in. Otherwise, give the mom some time to figure out how to breathe and function again. It’s so sad to see people expecting a mom to snap out of it when she lost her child!
Sounds to me that mom is not in a place to take good care of the other children, I agree she probably needs to seek out some help to get herself right. In the meantime if the caregiver is ok with keeping the kids for an unspecified amount of time or if they need to find another arrangements I feel it is very important for whoever is keeping them to get emergency custody from the courts so mom is unable to just come back in the picture and take the children, as like many have said it is hard to know what her mental status is so therefore hard to anticipate what she is going to do or not do. With emergency custody mom will have to be able to show that she is in an ok place and able to take care of these children who are already going through so much and don’t need to be exposed to unsafe, unsupportive or unstable situations
Sounds like she’s going off and partying. Whatever you’re going through, I understand all too well that it’s a major loss, it’s devastating, it’s traumatizing, however, when you have living children, you have a responsibility.
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Everyone grieves differently. As long as the children are safe ,cared for and loved. I don’t understand what the problem is. As someone who has taken in other peoples children because they were unable for whatever reason. All that matters is that the children are in a loving stable home. If things are exactly the way you wrote it sounds to me like the children are where they need to be.
Mum still needs to take care of her other children even if she is still grieving, can’t just give them away and have them back wen she is ready
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I think you shouldn’t judge the grief of someone else.
Maybe the being near the other children break her heart and she isn’t in a headspace to be the mom the can or wants to be.
Is there another parent? Where is the family? Is therapy an option?
Communication, no matter how hard or awkward, is essential.
I think you all need to start at communication.
I’d recommend self reflection on my the moms actions are so troubling to you. Let her own her own grief and flip the script to protect her heart and her children.
Coming from someone who has lost their child, grief is terrible. I know a great deal of bereavement parents and some want to surround themselves with their living children, some have a difficult time. I don’t have really have advice for you other than be patient. Whoever is taking care of the children is absolutely beautiful for doing so. I hope she continues to do what is best for those kids.
No you is not wrong the mom should step up and be a mom to her two kids grieving is hard losing a child because I lost two young kids it is hard but not to hard for her to be a mom to her other two baby caregiver needs to set her down and tell her how she feels about it
I lost my 8m old son last Feb all I wanted to do was hold and be around other 2 children ik everyone grieves different but come on now how are u gna leave state with out ur children
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Losing a child changes who you are. And it can effect you for the rest of your life. Getting back to any normalcy or even just a state of mind to care for another human being, especially your children, can be extremely difficult. I just hope she is getting the mental help she needs. And I pray those children are well taken care of while she heals. I was personally the other child in this situation and my mom had no help at all. It took years for my mom to return to being a mom. And she did not return to even close to her normal self until after I had children. I am the youngest of her 4 surviving kids.
Everyone keeps saying the mom needs time. It clearly states in the article the caregiver had the kids for a long time even before this child was born. Sorry but thats no mom she needs her kids taken
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I think this is between mom and caregiver and none of your business. Or for the opinions of us. I feel like there is a lot more to the story than a 1 paragraph synapses and if the caregiver feels like it’s excessive she needs to say something or call CPS
I can’t even imagine how I would be if something happened to any of my girls. Id be devastated. Everyone grieves in their own way. If you’re not the caregiver then its none of your business. If you are then you should talk to the mom and try to help her. If caregiver doesn’t want to the she should tell her or ask her about the custody thing although it might not be the time to. We have no clue how long its even been.
If the caregiver is feeling the same way you are, SHE needs to speak up. If she isn’t complaining maybe minding your own business and keep out of other peoples business.
That and shes probably going out of state on trips funded by money she got for having the kids…
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I think but really it doesn’t matter unless your the caregiver. If your the caregiver you need to tell the police mom has abandoned her children and file for temporary custody. At some point two more children becomes a financial burden. I am guessing there is no father for any of the 3 children ? Having a good heart is one thing but caregiver needs to be able to make medical decisions
the problem that arises in a case like this is that the caregiver may or may not have ‘temp custody’ allowing them to do things like emergency medical care, routine dr appointments etc. It opens a huge can of worms if mom just up and leaves without making things official.
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Is “caregiver” having an issue with keeping the kids? The most important thing is that mom is keeping her kids safe by leaving them with a safe someone that she knows cares about them. Sometimes as a single mom (which I’m obviously just assuming because there’s no mention of a father) there are times that what we NEED is a fucking break. So many mothers are used to being the other half In a relationship where two people are raising kids together BUT thats not reality for some of us. We work FULL TIME and raise kids without the availability of any support and when a thing happens that flips your world upside down, sometimes you just need a human to be there, to help, to keep baby’s safe while you lose your mind so you can get back to normal. My actual advice is to keep your nose where it belongs unless someone asks you for help. I’ve been on both sides of that coin, the helper and the helpee. Leave it be unless you’re asked to assist. Hopefully momma gets the help she needs to put it together for the other babies.
Frankly it’s none of your business. The mom is probably devastated and knows she probably can’t care for her kids right now. All moms have to take care of themselves first. You’re no good to your children if you don’t. All those judging this mother should be ashamed of themselves.
Mom isn’t really a mom, is she… probably better for the kids to remain with the caregiver, but if it goes on more than a few weeks, the state needs to be notified, there are laws regarding kids…
If she dropped them off all the time before the last baby died why wouldn’t she continue to do so. Take a step back and see that she was always like this. If the caregiver feels used she needs to step up and says.
Ive been through the loss of a child, my son died two weeks after he was born extremely premature and till this day with my daughter i have days where it’s so hard being around her because i think about her brother and need a few minutes to get myself together (it’s been 4 years)
But please remember everyone is different, they heal at different rates, and while you can have your opinion, remember she’s dealing with a loss not you. Kinda sounds like you’re being very judgmental and honestly that’s not okay.
Yes those kids need their momma but she needs to be better before being around them, you don’t know the caregiver and moms agreement, please stop being so in their business or putting her business out there… child loss isn’t easy
I feel like…I need more info. Is the care giver feeling the same as you? Are you the care giver? Is care giver being paid? Has this been brought up and discussed with the mother? You could be doing those children more damage by sending them to a mother who needs professional help. I’ve never lost a child and can’t imagine how I would handle it…don’t think I would leave my other children but I can’t speak on a situation I’ve never been in. I say sit down with the mother, voice your concern and go from there but those living babies need someone to put them first, that’s what really matters. Sounds like a lot of selfishness here.
I lost my daughter and was for a couple of weeks a very stand off mom. I did my basic mom duties. But it was hard for me to cuddle and be the “mom” I was so heartbroken and lost. I snapped out of it of course. And it was nothing detrimental to my son. I had support from my husband and my mom came out. But yes everyone grieves differently.
Yes. You are wrong. If this mother feels she is not in right mental state to care for her children, and the children are safe in the care of a responsible adult, then she should take the time to care for herself so that she can be their mum long term. Could you imagine your opinion if the mother took her children back and something happened whilst she was mentally unfit??
How long has it been since mom lost her baby? Don’t judge her. You don’t know her mentality. Losing a child is a terrible thing. It’s the worst thing a person could ever go through. I can’t say what I’d do because timing is everything.
First off unless you are the caregiver in this situation stay out of it. Secondly we aren’t ANY good for our children if we aren’t okay mentally and loosing a child is extremely hard on our mental health. Her kids are better off with someone else taking care of them while their mother gets help. Loosing a child is never something you get over. There’s no time limit to grief. It forever changes you. My in laws lost a child over thirty years ago and they were never the same(understandably) you have no clue how you would handle that situation until you are living it. Quit judging and give her grace. I miscarried with my first pregnancy, my rainbow baby is three years and now even though she’s three I’m terrified of something happening to her still.
If you’re not either of these people, then it’s honestly none of your business.
If the caregiver had a problem with this arrangement, they’d make it known and return the children, and quit their job. No need for you to step in at all.
Before the loss, partying and going out sometimes isn’t a bad parent. If it was several times a week, then that’s a problem, but again, up to the caregiver to handle. It doesn’t justify your involvement.
Leaving her children with the caregiver during the grieving process is understandable. I’ve heard of many moms doing this because of how intense their grief feels and how they cope. When I lost my daughter (stillbirth) my family had my son for more visits and sleepovers while I went through the grief. I didn’t leave my house and barely left my bed. I still took part in caring for my son, but my family stepped in a lot so I wasn’t doing it all. For about a month.
We left town (my partner and son) for a family vacation about 6 weeks after the loss, and it was nice. So i understand her leaving for a bit. However, if she has an agreement with the caregiver for this, then there’s still no need for you to step in. The caregiver CAN say no and put the children back in the mother’s care.
Now, if you’re the caregiver. Set boundaries and return the children if it’s a problem.
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If you’re not the mom or the caregiver - your place is to mind your business. If the caregiver has an issue, s/he needs to speak up for his/herself.
Stay in your lane. The end.
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Its nothing to do with you. I’ve never experienced a loss that huge, but grief strikes people different. If the caregiver has no problems with loving and looking after the mothers children, keep out of it. What would you rather? Them be back with they’re mother who is struggling with her mental health, or with a person who obviously loves them enough to take them on?
Sounds like to me to be honest
Children are in a better place with caregiver than with “mom” who knows where she migh tg btake them and leave them with.
Just my opinion
I’m sorry that people are attacking the OP. Some of you all are kind of rude. 
Though as a few stated, a timeframe would be helpful. I couldn’t imagine losing a child. I’ve had miscarriages but never lost a child after he/she was born. It would definitely be the worst kind of pain imaginable. And as someone who has gone through depression and postpartum depression, I can understand how it can be difficult to want to be around anyone, especially needy kids that require attention and care. It’s challenging to care for them when you don’t even want to care for yourself. So her other kids are probably safer and better off with caretaker.
With that said though, it’s important to ask just how bad her partying habits were before she lost the baby. She left the kids with the caretaker to go party, but how often? Was she consistently and constantly leaving them to live her own life or was this a once in awhile thing? Did she drink or do drugs while living her life without her kids?
Honestly, there’s so many factors to consider about mom and whether or not she’s grieving or using it as an excuse to leave the kids.
IF she was a crazy party girl that left her kids often to go drink/hookup/do drugs then it’s definitely possible she’s using her grief as an excuse to get away and party her emotions away. I’m sure she still feels the sadness of losing the baby, but it also likely added fuel to her party habits. So it’s very likely she’s taking advantage of the caretaker and something should be mentioned or said. Maybe she just needs more help and for someone to reach out to help her cope in healthier ways.
But if she’s leaving her children with caretaker to find peace and grieve without pulling her kids down with her, then I definitely think that’s okay too. As long as it’s not an excuse to party or forget her responsibilities.
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She should definitely be concerned with her kids. My bfs dad passed away when he was 1 month old and his mom did this exact thing. Ended up passing him around the family his whole life not really caring. He is messed up in the head over it. We had to work on his emotional issues for like 2 and a half years. (Showing emotion, speaking what you feel, showing me you care and love me, anger was all He showed emotionally) but he never got that proper love and care from his mom and it estranged the 2.
YOU ARE WRONG! Unless you’re the mom or the caregiver it’s not your business. Go water your own damn grass before you worry about other people. Mind your business. You’ll live a happier life when you aren’t involved in other people’s lives.
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This isn’t your business. It’s between caregiver and Mom. If you have never lost a child you cannot know how literally painful it is. MYOB.
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Oh god no I think you’re possibly wrong in this situation. Not at all saying miscarriage etc is any less awful, it isn’t, but this was a living breathing birthed baby that has now died. The pain of that has got to be absolutely unbearable. Until the caregiver says “I’ve had enough” stay well out of it. You can’t tell someone how they “should” want to think or feel, you’ve probably never experienced the death of your child.
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Sounds like at the minute the kids are better off with the caregiver
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Grief is a deeply personal thing. I cannot imagine losing a child. The thought of it feels unfathomable. I cannot say if its been too long, because I’ve never lived through what this mother is living through. What I can say is that she must clearly love her children. While you may think that if she loved them she should surround herself with them, she did the best thing she could do for them right now is to place them with someone who will love them and care for them. If the caregiver feels this is unfair then the caregiver should absolutely speak up. However, it seems to me that this momma in question is coping with an impossible situation and while she’s not doing what you or I think we would do in this situation, she did absolutely prioritize her living childrens’ safety, comfort, and care, and that is the number one thing we should do for our children.
I’m going to take it that you are the caregiver in this situation otherwise I don’t see why you’d be asking the question. But as a mother who has lost a child I personally would want my other child(ren) close. However losing a child takes a toll in a person, so I couldn’t tell you how that particular mother is feeling. Therefore, that’s something that the 2 of you should discuss and figure out without the rest of the world. But that’s strictly my opinion.
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Let her grieve, but if she’s out partying & doing those things she probably shouldn’t be caring for her other 2 right now anyway…
There’s plenty of things I have and have not experienced in my life, but one thing is sure I care about children and animals more than I care about grown adults. As much as I do understand the caregiver’s point of view, I also can comprehend the mother’s point of view. The mother should face responsibility AND the caregiver needs to speak up and set boundaries. These children weren’t made with only an egg, where’s the father/s? If the caregiver has exhausted their capacity to be in the children’s lives, then they should reach out to trusted family members for help. Clearly these kids are in the caregivers hands because fate has it that its the better option (in my opinion) but they don’t have the saying “it takes a village to raise kids” for nothing. Do what’s best for the children. If they are safest with the caregiver, then the caregiver needs to be paid/reimbursed/whatever for their time and efforts. Have the caregiver look into state laws and figure out what legal options are available to assist them weather it be food stamps/WIC or custody. The last thing you want to do is endanger or traumatize the kids- I speak this last line out of personal experience since I was a child in the System at one point.
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Most of these comments are telli g the letter writer to mind her own business but maybe she is close to caregiver and can see how stressed she is. Maybe the caregiver isn’t the type of person who will speak up when taken advantage of. Yes it is heartbreaking to loose a child but the impression i got from reading this letter is mom likes to drop kids off to party and letter writer is concerned she’ll take off and not come back. Mom may be grieving but she may also be using this as an excuse to dump her kids on someone. No mention of a dad to help either.
You cannot tell someone how to grieve or grieve on a timeline you feel is appropriate. If the caregiver needs more help financially dealing with two more mouths and there may be an emergency that the caregiver needs to have taken care of, they need guardianship papers for those kids. And YES you would HOPE the mother wants her kids back, not many mothers have the option to have their kids stay with someone else well before a sickly baby is born. She partied before the baby was even born…. Sad.
Either the caregiver needs to file some paperwork for rights over the kids or that mom needs to come get her other babies…. I’d worry if they were old enough to call for help if they end up being neglected, dragged to unsafe places, if the mom drinks and drives or does drugs, or if they are hurt. Id pray those kids were going to be ok:pensive:
id make sure they knew the caregivers information by heart and could call if needed.
Definitely not your place to be judgemental. She needs love and support, that’s it.
Honestly it depends on many factors. Also a big detail left out is how long ago did the baby pass away . But also how long was baby home and dying.
But I think if caregiver is able and isn’t missing work ect. If this is a good family it sounds like a blessing to momma to have a chance to embrace her grief and hopefully come home ready to be best momma she can be
Honestly maybe its safer for the kids to be with 'caregiver ’
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I say you need to mind your business it has nothing to do with you and evidently the mom can’t care for the kids and if caregiver has them atleast they are being took care of and when caregiver no longer wants the responsibility of the children then she should say something to the mom or to proper authority
Like you said everyone grieves differently! I personally think I would want to be with my other children, but a lot of people do like space or can unknowingly push people away. But then I also would never want to be in that position to know how she feels. If the caregiver has no issues I don’t see the problem if she does then it should be her bringing it up with the mother or giving her notice in 
I would say this is a situation that NO ONE will ever understand, and grief comes differently. I lost baby and grief, post parted depression, looks different on everyone. Some become recluse, other go all out and it looks as if they are doing just fine.
If this doesn’t immediately effect your life, I would stay out of it. It’s none of our business, unless her other children are in harms way. Then it becomes more of a Facebook post.
Is it to much on caregiver yes.but as someone who loss 3 babies in 4 months being functional for the one you have is hard.
If I were “caregiver” I would file “mom” as abandonment and take temporary custody
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So I think this is up to the caregiver if it’s to much or not for the caregiver and my heart absolutely breaks for the poor kids and I get we all grieve differently but it doesn’t sound like the mother was a very great mother to begin with if she was leaving her kids before to go party a lot I get every now and then you need a break but if she was leaving them a lot before as well maybe she shouldn’t have the kids in the first place? I knew a lot of people growing up who would watch kids for months at a time because the “mother” only wanted them when it was convenient. I think the kids are the ones suffering the most in this situation their mother just abandoned them whenever and they just lost their little sibling and are probably scared and sad and that’s just heartbreaking. When I miscarried I had a hard time for several days just crying but I wasn’t going out of state or just leaving my daughter and after I was all cried out all I wanted to do was hold my daughter who was to young to understand what was going on at the time
You’re wrong in the sense that you want her to be ready already. There is no right way to grieve. As far as caregiver goes, if caregiver has a problem with the situation they should 
speak up.
Sounds like either the caregiver needs to adopt them or they need foster homes until someone will. The mother may be grieving but to me grieving wouldn’t be out partying neglecting your other kids you didn’t lose.
If caregiver is doing this for free than, As a grieving mother myself, I wanna say that she needs to get her shit together. Yes it’s hard to lose a child, but she has living children to care for now too. I lost my infant daughter in March, I also have 2 living children. Lost my mom in December also so yeah I can speak very openly about this and not care what others have to say. I don’t have my shit together but I have it together enough to care for myself and my 2 living kids who need me. But also, IF caregiver is being paid and the mom can afford to take time to herself to grieve than it’s not really anyone’s business because the caregiver isn’t doing it for free and yes the mom does need time to grieve. At the end of the day unless the caregiver is the one who is concerned about the kids or the mom it’s not really anyone’s business:woman_shrugging:t4:
I agree with everyone else, unless you are the caretaker, stay out of it. You have no idea what is going through her head. I can’t even imagine!
You don’t get to tell someone how to grieve. This is a decision purely for the caregiver and the mum to discuss. Clearly mum needs help and support and not just her kids thrown back at her because you decide she has had long enough to grieve
Have you lost a child?
One that you took home?
Many people shut down. You can barely take care of yourself, let alone 2 other living beings.
If you have never experienced it, then please don’t pass your judgement on how the mom grieves or what she needs to do to get over the loss of her child.
Doesn’t sound like it’s any of your business. Let “caregiver” worry about herself and the children she’s caring for.
If you are not the caregiver or the mom you need to mind your business.
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I agree with you and most importantly those kiddos need their mama… I’m sure they’re missing her like crazy. I can’t imagine going what she went through but it’s time to be strong and be there for her living children
I think you never know what her state of mind is and it would probably be unsafe for her to care for her children. Her loss is something idk if could get through… I think this is where someone needs empathy
Losing a child is a life changing pain. Everybody travels that long dark tunnel differently. Sounds like the Mom is in a deep depression and maybe needs a shoulder to lean on. If they’re close enough for her kids to stay with them, then maybe caregiver could ask if she’s mentally ok. This is a touchy situation and hopefully she can pull herself together for her living children.
I’m not gonna lie I helped raised my exes two nephews whenever I lost my stillborn 32 week old daughter and to be honest I didn’t go around any children including them for almost 6 months and going out in public and seeing other babies and children pained me because when you loose a baby it’s mentally, physically, and emotionally hard to deal with definitely if you don’t have a lot of answers to why it happened. I even tried killing myself 4 times before I finally decided to get help. It’s hard and if you haven’t been in her shoes judging gets you no where because grieve never passes or stops but, it does eventually slow down to where you can be normal but, for almost 2 years after my daughter died I struggled with it but, eventually returned to somewhat my normal self and here 3 years later there’s nights even though I have another baby now that I cry for her so, I fully understand where she’s coming from except for the partying thing and if this other person cares for the person who went through this they wouldn’t be complaining they would be trying to seek out how to help
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Such a sad story for all involved. In my opinion she should have them back. But who am I to make that decision. It just breaks my heart.
I feel like more info is needed. Is the caregiver family? I would not be comfortable caring for another person’s kids with parent leaving state unless I was extremely close to them and had an emergency plan set up (i.e. child needs a Dr visit…authorization for care, etc.) If they are family temporary custody may not be a bad thing, until Mom feels she is capable to care for them. There is no limit on grief, or a right or wrong way to do it. But she does need as a Mom to make sure her other babies are in a safe environment.
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You don’t get to choose how she grieves. Do I agree with her way of it? Not necessarily, but everyone grieves differently. You also never mentioned how long it’s been going on. A week? A month? 6 months?
As a friend of her or caregiver or even if you are caregiver you are only worried about the kids I pray the mom does the right thing for her kids
I have lost two babie girls and as a mother whos lost babies its mentally draining. You dont know till you went though it. Maybe ask the mom if she wants to go for dinner or something.
If your not the mom or the caregiver then it’s not really your business! Who are you to judge how you “think” she should feel?
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I think that’s between the mom and the caregiver. Are you the caregiver? Kind of need to know that so I know where to go with my comment. Any way, if it’s not bothering the caregiver at this time (if it’s not you), I wouldn’t concern myself with it. Some women, after losing a baby, may need to step away for a little bit from their surviving children. It could be out of fear. Losing a child definitely changes the parent/parents and not always for the better either. It’s possible the mother worked something out with the caregiver. If you’re not the caregiver then I don’t understand why this is bothering you. If you are the caregiver, you should be more compassionate.
this would make more since if u were asking advice for yourself. if the cargiver thought it was to much then they need to day something if the mom doesnt listen or get it then the cargiver should get some extra help.
All I’m seeing here is the needs of the mom vs the inconvenience to the caregiver. What about the needs of the children. Additionally, If you are not the mother or the caregiver, this is none of your concern.
Thankful for the caregiver. Hope the caregiver just waits for the moment mom is ready as it’s not the kids fault for moms unfortunate circumstances
Is she being paid ? I mean if it’s a job for the caregiver there’s not time on that and if care giver doesn’t have the problem then who cares . Don’t Judge other mothers and don’t put your nose where it doesn’t belong . It’s between the mom and caregiver
Id rather have them safely with a caregiver than have my children witness me shattering over the loss of my infant. She probably needs some space.
What is best for the kids, seems to me they need someone advocating for them.
While there was other family present when I lost my son it was having my daughter close to me and her needing me to be strong and get back to being Mommy that got me through the loss. I wouldn’t have survived if I hadn’t had her.
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This scenario is so vague that it’s kind of difficult to even offer sound advice. It would depend on the type of relationships you have with said people. Unless it’s directly affecting you somehow I would just stay out of it personally.
They are better off without her unless she steps up. Some women just weren’t meant to be mothers. SMH