Quick question. My ex just started seeing someone and wanted to take our son to a movie with his new girlfriend. I really don’t care that he has a new girlfriend. Good for him, he’s finally moving on. What I don’t like is subjecting my child to a relationship that might never work and having people come in and out of his life. My question is how long should it be that you ex is seeing someone else before a child should meet the new person?
Leave it up to the father. It’s not going to damage your child to go out to a movie with a “friend”
You don’t get to decide that. You can voice your concerns but you really dont have a say.
As much as you may not like it you don’t really get to choose how long he feels is appropriate to wait. He may have a very strong connection with her and feel things he hasn’t felt before. Just be thankful he’s letting you know he’s introducing them to each other instead of going behind your back.
I don’t think it matters as long as she treats him good
I think the “unspoken rule” is about 6 months. I’ve been in a relationship since July and he hasn’t met our child yet, and still won’t for few more months.
Id say minimum a year . After that one year point of being in a healthy and stable relationship you can meet the children . Otherwise don’t because it unhealthy and unstable, unless they introduce only as a friend and respect the child as in no kissing in front of him when the child is in his care and no sleeping over etc .
The unspoken rule is 6 months. But you really dont have a say in what the childs father does. If it is not hurting your child then there isnt a a whole lot you can do.
You do have a say, you don’t know the people around your kid. People now a days getting cozy with strangers real fast and kids end up getting hurt or worse. You never know. Just tell him you’re not comfortable with that yet and you would like to see him with someone for awhile and stable to let trust build.
Id day ask to meet his new girlfriend so you could talk to her find out what’s she’s like then make the decision after
Personally, i think 6 months is a good time to introduce kids to potential partners, but are you really concerned about your son or are you jealous
when you feel like it is the right time!!! it’s not all up to him. have a talk and try to set a time when you both think is right. and ask to meet who he’s going to have around your child before hand!!
unfortunately you have no say in what dad wants to do on his time… you can suggest all you want… but unless you have it in your court order… he can do what he feels is right on his time
If you can mutually agree to a number that’s your best bet. You really can’t do much about it. Maybe try suggesting a playground trip for an hour where she is introduced as a friend. He may be looking to see how his child feels about her before proceeding so it could be in your best interest to allow him to use appropriate judgement. Now an early relationship I wouldn’t be supportive of overnight visits with the girlfriend spending the night because a revolving door of women isn’t healthy either. Ask him questions. See why he wants her to meet your child and communicate and co-parent with the best interests of the child as the priority always.
When my parents divorced they had a rule that they made and it was longer than 6 months. They only wanted to introduce us if they were serious about that person because it can be hard on a kid to get attached and then have a revolving door of people. But again that was something my parents discussed when they split. You can talk to him about it but ultimately it’s kind of up to him.
My husband waited a month before I met his kids…
This world is dangerous! People are going crazy. Bad things are happening to children because someone trusted someone without knowing them.
I’d wait 6 months… I’d also want a background check. For anything violence related or sexually related. Honestly you just never know and I wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t checked out to be around my son. And you do have a say. You have to protect your child. Love is blind and lust is blinder. It’s better to be safe and cautious than sorry.
I meet my boyfriends sons 3/4 months after dating him, & he met my son about a year or so when we moved in together. I’d say theres really no time line, and that every situation will be different…
All you can do is talk to him…
My ex and I had this conversation not long after we broke up. And we both agreed at least 6 months of officially being with someone.
Remember communication is key! At the end of the day all you can do is voice your concerns and opinions. He may not listen and still do it and in that case there isn’t much you can do but at least you tried.
You should wait until you know it’s serious, but that being said, you don’t really get to dictate what he does unless it’s harmful.
I always say 6 months to a year
Unless there’s a time listed in the custody agreement you don’t really get a say. I would 6 months to a year though
Would you let your ex decide how long you it is before bf meets your your child? He is his father and when he has him it is his decision what happens.
Let him make those choices. Let him knoe your concerns but trust him as the father to do the right thing unless he has really dropped the ball in the past. Its not like he’s telling your child this woman is his family now ect - people and relationships come and go and it really isnt a harmful situation if he is a responsible parent.
I say 6 months! thats the rule if me and my husband split and we were to start seeing other people!
I would talk to your ex. I’ve been dating mine for only a couple mos officially (Been seeing him a little longer) but have known him for 15 years. 6 months is the soonest he will meet them but honestly probably longer. It will just depend where my kids are at emotionally and how the relationship is …but again only that soon in my book because this is somone I’ve known half my life
Umm…girl do not listen to these naysayer nancys saying its not your choice or not your decision…lol it is 100% your decision and your responsibility to decide when its appropriate for mommy or daddys new relationship to be introduced to your childs life. Because it can be very damaging for a child to have people they learn to like or care about to keep coming in and out of their lives. It will show normalcy of in and out relationships. Now when the “time” is right it is absolutely important to allow new bf/or new gf time to bond with your child without constant interference from you or fear of interference from you. Because as im sure you know a relationship that involves bringing kids into is a huge thing so you have to make sure the child and new person are allowed time to learn eachother. But this question is hard to answer because “the right time” is non existent when it comes to relationships. Some people meet there person and are instantly connected and is seems like they have been together since the beginning of time and that’s that. And sometimes people slowly build their relationship up and take steps to get to where they’re going. So on this one you just have to wing it and trust that mother’s instinct that will throw you hints. And COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION!!! with your ex about these topics is so important!!!
It should be at the father discretion. If he thinks the girlfriend is fine for the child to be around then so be it. It’s no different then introducing a child to a new friend in my opinion. Nobody has a say in who the child meets when they are with their other parent. The child being left alone with the new girlfriend, boyfriend or any friend is what should be discussed.
How long would you wait before introducing someone to your son? I believe your should have a sit down and meet the woman yourself and voice how toy feel to her as well as the ex.
6mo minimum but everyone is different…
I dont think theres a certain ‘time’ to choose from. Once its seen that the relationship seems serious and may last. 🤷 still doesnt mean it will though, so idk.
It took 6 months to a year for my boyfriend to properly introduce me to his son. I had met him once or twice, but didn’t actually spend any time with him until then. It was different with my son, because his father’s not in the picture so I have him 24/7, so he met my son pretty early on, but he only knew him as my friend for a long time. We didn’t start acting like a couple around him until we got more serious. Around the same time that I started getting to know his son. It’s best to keep kids at a distance until things are more serious, just to be safe. You don’t want them to get attached and then have it not work out. The kids won’t understand why the other person disappeared.
Tell him have no problem about your son meeting someone he is in a relationship with but you both need to seat down and talk about how long you have to be seeing someone before allowed around your kids. When making this rule keep in mind it applies to you too.
Ask your self how long you’d wait and but be more open minded.
I think it should be at least a year or until there is a commitment made (whichever comes first).
I dated my fiancé for about 6 months before I let him meet my daughter. I wanted the same security that you do, I wanted to know that he would be here for the long run before they got attached. If you wouldn’t introduce someone so quickly then you should tell him the same thing. Once your serious with your new girlfriend she’s more then welcomed to be part of our kids life. But not until she proves that she’s here for a long time not just a good time
6 months - year he doesn’t have the kid full time so his kid time should be focused on the kid anyway
It’s really up to him. As long as he is putting him in any danger or a bad situation.
If he’s the kind that jumps from person to person i would want him to wait a little while. If he’s stable then maybe it’s ok. It would be unsettling for children to meet person after person.
I’m single, my ex is remarried. I don’t introduce anybody I date to my daughter, until we’ve been exclusively dating for at least 6 months.
She’s only met 1 guy so far (She’s 11 years old) her father and I split right before her 3rd bday.
Introducing numerous random ppl into a child’s life increases the chances of a child getting abused.
My gosh people leave the father to be a father why do women always think its their right to dictate how the child should raised its the childs dad
I was engaged to my hubby (of now 18 years) 4 months after meeting him as long as the child knows it’s daddy’s friend or mommy’s friend a month or so 6 months for us was a few months from our wedding
At LEAST 6 months. Never know.
We dated for 5 months before I ever met his children. But me and babymomma get along extremely well, we all co-parent very well
My ex has a new girlfriend every few months. I’m so NOT okay with his girlfriends meeting our daughter because the last one, his “I’m going to marry her” girlfriend kicked them both out of her house. If it’s a serious relationship then it’s important for them to build a relationship, but with my ex every girlfriend is serious.
His choice, not ur business
Everyone has different “standards”
After my ex and i split up and i started dating again…it was hard to have a dating life around work and my son.
I went on a few dates that never went anywhere because i could only go out every couple months.
When i started talking to my (now) husband…we talked for like a month and a half before agreeing to meet and then my babysitter fell through.
I Decided to take my son with me. Best choice i ever made.
I got to see face to face how he reacted to a flesh and blood two year old. He didn’t run screaming. After a couple months He came with us to some of my son’s occupational therapy appointments (birth injury)…he found a way to fit into our lives…not the other way around. We’ve been together 4 years. We have a 2 year old. He’s the only dad my oldest has ever known.
So here’s the “deal”
There’s a difference between meeting the girlfriend for a movie and her staying the night with your daughter there. Maybe he wants to see how they get along before perusing the relationship any farther.
That is completely reasonable. If he just introduces her as a friend then its not a whole lot different (in your kids mind) than an actual just friend tagging along for a movie
I would say…
Find what the details are. How he plans to introduce his girlfriend. Make sure its just a movie/dinner and she’s not going to be an overnight guest. Then sit down and have a reasonable discussion about boundary lines.
at least a few months
I’m in the same situation with my daughter and her father. We both agreed on terms when she was first born if this was to ever happen (we had a bad, toxic relationship) He has been with her about 2 weeks after we split and were going on almost a year not together. We agreed a year of serious dating, that we see a future with said partner. His current is someone I grew up with, we never got along. When him and I started dating she was selling herself for money. I, in no shape or form want this woman around my impressionable 4yr old.
If he’s a good dad I’d trust him to make that decision himself, she’s his daughter too. I’ve known people marry in under 6 months of dating (they’re all together many years later amazingly) and others who got married later on then the relationship quickly broke up so I don’t always think time is the best indicator .
You really have no decision on that. That’s his choice as his father to make.
I was the step mom in two relationships. The first, I met the kids after a day of dating because bio mom dumped them at my ex’s place our first date (I had known the guy through high school so I wasnt a total stranger to the family, but it did make a first date extremely awkward). This marriage, we waited until after we were engaged before I met my stepson. If he insists, maybe insist that he just introduce her as a friend of Daddy’s so your child doesn’t get attached? That’s what we did the second time because we were planning an extremely long engagement.
My ex and I both waited 6 months for our daughter to meet our new SOs, and 1 year before overnights.
All these people saying that she doesn’t have a say, come again? She definitely has a say. Why allow a child to possibly become attached to someone that might not be in his life a couple months down the road? It’s cruel. Her and her ex need to have a sit-down and come up with boundaries concerning their son and come to a mutual agreement to meeting the other’s new partner.
At least a few months I say
I think you should meet her first…then I would le him
Sorry but I think it’s up to dad
I would definitely hate it too. But do you have a choice? I mean are you on good terms to sit down and talk about it?
I would say at least 6 months
6 months to a year. But if you didn’t have a conversation about these things in advance then I guess whenever him and his new girlfriend are ready. At least he told you.
I like the meet her as just friend thing first. There is no need to get the child attached if it’s only going to hurt him in the end!
Also don’t listen to the folks saying you don’t have a choice. You do, he is also your son and it is your job to make sure he is in a safe and secure environment.
Best thing to do is talk to ur ex and ask him if he is serious about this new relationship. Its not ur business to know everything tbf but if he says yes then uv no choice really. If hes a good father hel have thought about it already n hel know hes ready x
I don’t think that is your decision unfortunately. You decide for yourself not for the dad￼
All you women saying “not your business”…DUMB. anyone your child meets IS YOUR BUSINESS. And when your child gets hurt or raped by someone your ex dates, remember…it’s not your business GOOD PARENTS can have a conversation and coparent and decide together, not just for one or the other but for the child’s sake. Y’all are acting like she threated to never let the kid see him again. Y’all are truly immature and I hope for your kids sakes you never have to coparent.
I would say 6 months but ultimately it’s going to be his decision, you can’t take his time away from him and if he’s a good dad let him make the call
My ex and I have an understanding, we’ll for him, I’ve been married for 8 years and together for 9.5 but my now husband didn’t meet my daughter until we dated about a year and we were pretty much serious. Now my ex, I have asked him that if he wants to introduce someone to our 11 year old to be considerate and only introduce if it’s a serious relationship, he isn’t that young either, so he has never introduced anyone to her.
In all honesty, dad really doesnt need your permission unless it is already in a court order or custody agreement.
I never understand this question. He doesn’t have a say in who you bring into your and your child’s life and you don’t have a say in that for him either. Kids meet new people every day. It’s not your business what he does when he has the kids.
You can be like my ex, introduce every girlfriend, move them in, move them out, have another child - the fun never stops. I kept my household the stable one, maybe introduced 2 boyfriends (after 6-9 months). At 20 and 16 (very bright young men),I think they appreciate what I did, and come to expect poor girlfriend choices from their dad.
If you were going out with someone, how long would you wait until you allowed him to meet your kids?? Then you have your answer
I don’t understand why people act like you have no say in what goes on around your child just because you and the other parent split up. That’s weird, childish, and unhealthy for the kid. Good co parents still present themselves as a united front to their children AND form a general guide for their kids so they both know what’s going on & so they have the same rules and boundaries whether they’re at moms or dads house. I think the answer to your question is dependent on what you and dad can agree you’re both comfortable with. I personally would want it to be a year & id want to meet her first The same goes for myself if I ever start dating. I’d want my daughters dad to know him to see if that’s someone he feels comfortable having around his daughter. But that’s what works for me. You have to find what you’re comfortable with and talk it out with dad until you both agree on a time frame and boundaries that’ll apply to both of you. That’s my opinion
He should wait until they are serious, and he can see himself having a life with her. But maybe meeting them straight off is a tell of how good or shitty of a step parent they would be. Pros and cons. Personally i waited till i was satisfied with him and his personality to introduce my kids, it went well.
I personally think after the parents and new partners can meet at least, but not the dad or mom should be subjecting children to people that are just going disappear, that damages the children long term and sets them up for unhealthy relationships later on as that’s their “normal”
Imo, because I’ve gotten me through it, first the child’s age, how long you guys have been separated, I learned to talk to my kids. When I started dating someone I waited about 6 months before I introduced my kids to anyone I dated. But my ex went through chicks like none other. I had relationships. So I don’t really know. I think it really depends on how you feel, and if you and your ex are co-parenting maybe meet her first. Again that depends on your relationship with your ex. I met all my exes “girlfriend’s” but I hardly introduced my kids to anyone I dated… Go with your gut…
6 months is about right in my opinion x
In all honesty I’m really not sure. In the past when it was just me and my son, I waited at least 6 months because I didn’t want him getting attached or vice versa. But after my divorce, and 2 more kids later, lol, my kids already knew my now fiance because we were best friends before we dated. So in a way I think that it just depends on the parent and how they feel about the person they’re dating. I fell fast for my fiance and he fell fast for me, he proposed on our one year anniversary and we live together now and we’ve been together for just over a year and a half. Time isn’t always the best measurement on this, I’ve felt more love and security in the 19 months with my fiance than the 6 years with my ex husband.
This is not your business. You can only control who YOU bring into your child’s life. Don’t play control games with ex through your child
I don’t think you should tell him when he decides to fall in love. Seems a bit unfair. I’m sure he wants what’s best for his kids too. I know people who’ve gotten married before the 6 month hits. Also you ain’t together. Theirs kids that meet dad’s side chicks before marriage is even over. Or vice versa. So yea. I don’t think you get to decide even if your married lol
Honestly, I would encourage your ex if he does want his gf to meet your child then to introduce her as a friend and remain as a friend in your child’s eyes, that means no kissing, no holding hands, just strictly act as friends while your child is present. Once they feel the relationship is going somewhere then he can introduce her as his gf to your child. That’s what my fiancé and I did in the beginning of our relationship. He has kids and I have kids prior to getting together. We both spoke about it and discussed since our kids never seen us with anyone else that it would be best to act as friends only when we were all together and we were like that for about 2 months until we told them that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and they all got very happy. I also believe that eventually you need to meet this gf bc the day my ex ever finds someone, I need to know who is going to be involved in our kids lives and most importantly know that I can also have a good relationship with her bc she will be with my kids the same amount of time I am with them and don’t want any conflicts that would jeopardize on how she will treat my kids. Best of luck
At least a year or so just to be clear that that person is even worth getting to know your kid. that’s your baby you have a say so over what types of energy and people he’s being subjected to. Fuck what anyone says
My rule is 6 months. And they get introduced as a friend first.
Can he not introduce her as a friend. There may be a chance it doesn’t work out… what’s the point in waiting an excessive amount of time, you could wait a year, meet her ect and it still not work… or he could introduce her as a friend now and it last.
That is really up to you and him. Not facebook.
May not be popular but instead of keeping them apart id say as long as its not a sleepover or every time they are with that parent etc but out for food etc then they should meet the kids when youve started getting serious, see how they get on before commiting to a full relationship, if they dont get on then you can back off. I think it also depends on the age of the child.
Plus id ask the new girlfriend/boyfriend if they would mind me doing a claires law check on them, if they mind then id say goodbye as they should want you to know that they are ok to have around your child
I say 6 months at least but but not all men and women care enough to think how it will affect their children and introduce them immediately.
I would talk to your ex. If you think he has a good judge of character, I wouldn’t look too much into it but you should know who is in your kid’s life.
I didn’t introduce my daughter to my boyfriend until we were together a year. But that’s just me🤷♀️
The child’s age plays a huge factor. If they’re able to talk to you about how they feel about daddy 's new friend, it will make a huge difference.
Friends first! If you have a good relationship with your ex, I would just kindly explain to him that it could hurt your kids if it doesn’t work out and then it would be best for your child to see them as daddy’s friend until they know it’s really serious!
It’s according to how old the kid is but id say six months at least
There is no right answer to this. Depends on the child’s age, how they’re being introduced, & the relationship in general.
There’s nothing wrong with them meeting, & going to the movies. I wouldn’t view it any different as if they were going with one of his friends. Now if they’re spending the night with the child, that’s a little different.
Unfortunately, we can’t control it. I wish we could. My ex is still with his gf. I am happy for him. The problem is she is not a good person. She has talk crap about me to my kids and in front of my kids. She also attacks me if front of my children. I think Parents need to keep that relationship away from their children until the child is old enough to decided.
So are you seeing anyone? And if so how long did you wait? Not really your place because a judge is gonna tell you that you don’t get to control that.
I would just talk to him about your concerns. Maybe ask if he wouldn’t mind introducing her as a friend instead of girlfriend. As long as she is not hurting your child there really isn’t much that you can do.
Plain and simple… Its not up to you.
Honestly ask him to call her a friend but you really cannot determine what he does on his time or with whom unless its dangerous to child.
At least a few months, and even after that a few months before its made known that the new friend is actually a girlfriend. Children have such big hearts that love easily. Always good to make sure those hearts don’t get broken.
You didn’t even have to introduced as his girlfriend, she can simple be his friend as long as she treats your child right they’re shouldn’t be a problem
legally? he can introduce the kid to anyone he wishes to while he’s on court allowed custody or visitation. There’s nothing you can do unless she’s harming your child.
His time … not your business.