My kids (age 4 and 2) share a birthday. My 4 year old wants to invite his preschool class to the party. I don’t want parents to feel obligated to get my 2 year old a gift, since they only know my son, but at the same time I don’t want my daughter to be upset that 20 extra kids came and only brought her brother gifts. And I feel like the parents would be confused when they show up and find out it’s also my daughter’s birthday too. So should I put both my kids on the invitation and send them out? Or is it weird since my daughter doesn’t go to that school yet? I feel like I’m overthinking this
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I address my kids birthday invites?
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For the preschool kids I would just put your son. Someone may always have more than you even if it’s your own sibling. And at two she probably won’t even notice
Have a party for the oldest with his friends with school then do cake and ice cream with family for the both of them. That is what I do for my two that are a day apart.
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I would personally do separate birthdays, if not it puts pressure on the parents to also buy your daughter a gift
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Make 2 sets of simple invite’s and add a small side note that it’s a joint party
I wouldn’t do a shared party honestly. Let them both have their own special day.
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I think you should put both their names on the invite and maybe you could make an Amazon wishlists with gifts that they could enjoy together on it and include it with the invite. They’re not very far apart in age, so I’m sure there’s different things they could share. But, as they get older, I’d celebrate their birthdays separately.
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She’s 2. She doesn’t even know it’s her birthday. You are way over thinking this. Send the invites for your son, have a separate family thing for your daughter.
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She’s only 2 she will not realize if his classmates only bring him stuff 
if anything you can wrap up a lot of small little gifts for her she’s small even bubbles will cheer her up 
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Separate the parties
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Have 2 separate parties .
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Separate parties, this will be a lifelong issue if you don’t separate it now
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Another mom had the same issue, she put both kids on it.
I would make a joint invitation. If they do not want to get her a gift they won’t. I would personally feel awkward if I showed up and found out it is a double party and didn’t have a gift for both children.
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I have 3 kids, 2 nieces & a nephew all in The same month… we do separate invites for school friends… sure more kids came for another kid but gifts were never a big deal dor our kids… they just wanted to have fun.
Actual day of their birthdays we had cake for them
We have almost always done joint parties for my older 2. (Now 12 and 10. Have had at least 6 joint parties) We have used 2 different invites or the same. For the most part there has been no confusion from guests. My sons friends bring gifts for him. My daughters friends for her. And if they are joint friends some buy for both, some buy for one. It’s never been an issue for us. They have never compared who got more gifts or has more guests
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Don’t make them share a day. The day is suppose to be about them and one always feels left out/less than because of the gift/friend difference. It’s just a big hassle honestly. The parents will feel pressured to buy both kids a gift and some may not attend because they can’t afford it
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I’d just say both kids are celebrating their bday together. We always say gifts are optional but not expected and hope to see you there! Problem solved. Some that want to will being both kids gifts some won’t. We have birthdays together bc they are so close 2 in June 2 in September and the other 2 have their own bc they aren’t close together…
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I will say at my 2 year olds bday party he didn’t care about gifts at all. He cared about playing lol
It’s time to have separate parties 
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Separate parties or simply say “no gifts”
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Separate parties. It’s their day and shouldn’t have to share a party.
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I’d personally let your son have his own birthday he’s got his friends he invites and just have a casual party another day for your daughter and family.
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Your two year old isn’t going to really care as long as they have things to open. I’d leave the siblings name off the school invites as people will be put off by it.
My girls share a birthday and we invited my older daughters kindergarten class and my younger daughters daycare friends. Obviously there were more kiddos from the older girl so I had family bring shareable gifts, like chalk/markers/bath bombs/etc, so the girls would have close to equal amount of gifts. Worked out well
Separate for school. Joined for family.
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Have separate parties
Have two separate parties. Simple
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The 2 year old won’t even notice
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If it is approved by the school, just take some cupcakes for your son’s class on his birthday. Just have a party for family at this age.
She’d only know 20 extra kids came and only brought him gifts if you told her that. She’s 2. She won’t be counting presents.
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The 2 year old will probably get sick of opening gifts anyways. The 2 yr old won’t care. We had a giant party this past year for my 3 kids and my nephew…they ALL got every single thing they asked for… two bouncy houses, face painting, glitter tattoos, cotton candy machine, popcorn machine, snow cone machine, bubble machine etc etc etc. My kids didn’t care about the gifts at all. And the youngest kid was 3. He didn’t even open more then 2 gifts at the party. Side note we were making up for losing activities and parties with covid
Let son have his party with school friends, can do a separate little party at home for 2 year old
I’d do separate parties
I would say no gifts
For all of those saying "she’s only two she doesn’t understand ", my son is 2 and knew 100% what his birthday party was when he turned 2. Anyways, personally I think every kid should have their birthday celebrated separately so there is no confusion. Each kid is their own person and each birthday is just as important. Next year I would do separate birthday parties and from then on after. Wouldn’t want them to feel like one birthday kid is getting more and more attention than the other ya know? But this time you can easily write on the invitations no gifts please. Good luck
I would do two separate parties.
Why not have two separate parties. They’re two separate kids. When they’re older, they may not want to share birthday parties.
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My sister in law just got an invite like this from her daughters classmate. She was confused and now feels obligated to buy two gifts when her daughter doesn’t even know the other child. I would either do separate or simply say gifts from family only.
I’d give her some kind of special day for her day and leave the party for him
Dont invite so many kids lol that’s crazy …I’m sick of this “if u invite 1 kid from the class you have to invite them all” umm sorry Karen ur sons an ass and im not inviting him lol
I would do separate parties, individualize and take the confusion out of it as well.
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My daughter was invited by a kid at preschool to a joint bday party where she only knew one of the two bsay kids. The invitation just stated it was a joint party but please don’t feel obligated to bring the other child a gift. Short and to the point, but also gave the info so we weren’t blindsided walking in.
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Family dinner and activities for both on the day. But split the group celebrations to alternate weekends. My daughters birthday is very close to Christmas and most of her friends would be away for the holidays, so we had her birthday party either before the holidays or after.
When my daughters share a party, they each invite people they want/we all know and on the invites I wrote, come celebrate A turning 11 and L turning 7! They both get presents from the guests and i make sure I do goody bags for the kids. Last year I held their party on neutral ground and it was an indoor trampoline park. I doubt my oldest will want parties anymore
If you really want to combine it, you should put both names on and add that gifts are optional. For both really.
Sorry, but if your children had been born at different times of the year, this wouldn’t be an issue. Treat it like that and give them separate parties with invitations to only their own friends. IMHO They each deserve their special days on their own.
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Give them separate parties
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I would feel obliged to buy for the other child too and that’s not fair on some families who can not afford to. Only put the child who they are invited for on the invite
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Just tell them it’s a combined birthday party and they are not obligated or expected to bring a gift.
My 11 year old was invited to a classmates party that was combined with a cousins birthday, I made her buy them both a gift.
They should have separate parties
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Do separate parties… I know it can be more expensive so maybe do 1 day 2 parties… 2 year olds party is from 11-1 and 4 year olds party is from 1:30-4 and invite family and friends to the little ones and if they want to stay and celebrate for the older one than their more than welcome
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Were they born on same day but different years ?
Or different days .?
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I would suggest either throwing two separate parties or limiting it to family only. I understand that they share a birthday, but they do each deserve to have a party just dedicated to them.
Your 2 year old will not notice the difference in gifts. If my child was invited to a party for his friend and the friends sibling, I’d keep my kids home.
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Do separate parties near their birth date and on the actual day of their birthday just do something special with them just you (other parent) and them.
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I’m a very giving person. Whether the child is a newborn on their first Christmas…or it is a child’s first birthday, I give them a gift. They may not know what it is, be old enough to use it yet or old enough to even get excited about receiving it. From me they get a gift. It makes me feel good to know I did something good for someone
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Have their parties separate.
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Two my daughters birthdays are only two days apart. The 2nd and 4th. I do one party one weekend and the other party the following weekend. My oldests birthday is the month before by like three weeks. So I end up spending well over 1k in a matter of three weeks on birthday parties 
My girls shared a birthday and both names were on the invites until they started school and then separate invited except to family and I wasn’t throwing 2 parties when they was 5 days between their birthdays.
Having a separate party would be the best as the kids get older too…
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My oldest and youngest daughter are sharing a birthday party. Oldest is 12 youngest is 4 and I put both names on the invite.
My kids birthdays are about a month apart each 3 of them. We decided just not to do big parties right now at least. We do a little birthday party with just family who would come to all kids parties anyways then take a trip ( mini vacation, or amusement park, weekend getaway ) . Then if they want something with a few close friends we will get together for a playdate .
I’d do separate parties
Send two seperate party invites. One for the 4yr kid and his friends and a seperate one for the 2yr old.
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Have the older ones party a day early and the younger ones a day after
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That’s suddenly a lot of pressure for parents on a budget. Separate them it will make people uncomfortable … even mentioning no gifts for her is tacky because then it looks like you are expecting gifts for him… truly make the 2 year old with family and neighbors not the preschool
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I’d just say a party for blank and blank . Please text to rsvp. They can text to ask for gift ideas for son or daughter. There young enough to share a party and honestly more budget friendly
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address it as a party for both kids. Invite some of the little ones for the 2yr old as well. Or have someone watch dd2 while you have the party for your son so she isnt around it
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You aren’t overthinking this. When they’re little it’s probably okay. But I wouldn’t put both names on the invite especially if the school folks don’t know the younger sibling. They shouldn’t feel obligated to get her a gift. Also, the younger one is 2. They’ll never remember at this age and really don’t need gifts.
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Put them both on the invite! The 2 year old probably won’t even pay attention the difference in the amount of gifts
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Personally, I’m a single mom on a budget and being invited to a double party would incline me to either get 1 gift for them both or not go at all.
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Umm… no u shouldnt. It’s the 4 yr old bday and friends. You can get the the 2 yr old something. Think about how this will play out each time their bday comes around.
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My kiddos have almost always shared a birthday (they are Irish twins) and I always send out separate invites for the same party. Each kiddo invites their group of friends and it has always worked out.
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Have two parties, since they share the day have the older child’s party first then the younger child after that way kids from school can leave yet family will already be there or vice versa.
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I have two sets of kid that share birthdays but I have never celebrated them together I feel they each need their own special day. If I can’t afford two parties then how can I expect guests to afford two gifts 
but maybe that’s just me
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Have separate birthdays. I get that you want to keep it even so neither one feels left out but they need to learn (yes, even at this young age) that their birthdays are special AND separate. They both deserve a day for themselves. Have a party one weekend for one, and the next weekend for the other.
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I shared parties (if we had one) with my brothers, the 3 of our birthdays were one day apart. I have a step daughter and a son whose Birthdays are a day apart. Sometimes they had to share (eg our weekend for our step daughter) or have separate. As long as their Birth was celebrated in some way, it’s a good thing. WHAT YOU DON’T DO is give kids birthday presents when not even remotely their Birthday too. My MIL did this for my daughters 3rd Birthday. Because I have 2 stepdaughters expected that weekend she decided to give the same to the other girls too. I admit she did tell me she was going to give them something (which I was uncomfy with but you know ya bite your tongue) what she didn’t say was that when she gave her gift to my daughter that she was going to give the other girls their ‘gift’ at the same time. I absolutely hit the roof!!! Consequently not the best Birthday Party!..sorry anyhow there are some good suggestions here above. Do a joint party and invite a different circle of friends for each child. On invites advise people it is a joint party. Not expected to bring a present for the other child or no present is required.
Or…ask for donations for the animal shelter instead of gifts. Pet food, cat litter, puppy pads, towels, blankets, etc ( call and ask) , then both get to deliver. It doesn’t fuel the greed as much, and down the road might make them more giving. My own children got too many toys anyway.
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You are - just note that you were blessed to have two children born on same day - 2 years apart. I have two brothers - 6 years apart -
have your sons birthday party and do something seperate for your daughter! see what she would like to do for her birthday! sprnding at the lake or go out for a small trip, someplace she likes to visit! you an make it special for her! she knows your doing this for her special day!
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I would have a party for your son with his friends and a small family gathering for your 2 year old. She won’t know what is going on at the age of 2. Keep it simple.
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My kids have combined parties. I don’t invite the whole class. I learned with my oldest that is a mess. I invite a few kids they want, along with friends & teachers (that started with the pandemic so they could see them face to face). I tell them which child invited them but that it’s a joint party. For the most part their friends have siblings in the other siblings class. When that’s the case I invite both.
Your 2yo is not going to worried about her brother getting more. If your kids are like mine they share everything anyway. You’re stressing too much.
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I would separate a party for your son and maybe a family dinner for your daughter
Make sure everyone knows it’s a 2for. If the older one gets more gifts maybe distract the younger one. Or you can always separate the days
Have a party for your son on Saturday and your daughter on Sunday. Might be a little more on the budget but that would be the easiest way. Unless your on a tight budget then have them together and just add on both on the invitation
Maybe on the day they share, you could do just a family thing with family gifts. And then, have separate parties for them after or before. My daughter has 2 boys 3 days apart. This year she took the younger ones swimming, then presents, hot dogs, and cake. The older one had pizza, cake, presents and an overnighter with a couple buddies. On separate weekends of course. It’s easier when they’re older, but, they each need their own separate bday. Lots of work for mama all at once tho. They will eventually understand they get their own special day.
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ive been to a combined party a couple times ive only given to the child ive known from the class my youngest daughter just went to a combined party i think both kids were on invite but i just got for the child i knew and my daughter knew. classmate parties i only by a card and give them money sense dont know what kids like and let them get what they want with the money or whatever parents want to do with money and i let parents know about it.if i knew the other child i might get them the same thing as well.
plus there family was there so i think thats why combined
Address the card with both children’s names on it and then write a small note at the bottom that says no gifts please.
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We had a nephew and our son that lived with us. We celebrated their birthdays a week apart.
I mean separate parties would fix that
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Maybe ask people to bring stuff to share like books?
The toys are gonna be in the same house
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This birthday should just be for the 4 yr old. Make a big deal about it with 2 yr old, that this day is special for big brother. Another time celebrate them both or just have hers. It’ll be fine.
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From experience, not many of the kids you invite will show up. Maybe 5 out of the whole class if any.
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Just put it down as your son’s birthday parents shouldn’t be obligated to get your daughter a gift if they don’t know her, and chances are she won’t even really notice as she’s only 2. Also invite your family she will get gifts from them anyway.
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One family party for the both of em. And a separate party for school!
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You should separate them. Do your sons on their birthday this year and then next year have your daughters on their birthday and just switch off each year
I feel your over thinking too. Your 4 year old should be allowed his own party. What are you going to do when they get older and have different sets of friends
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