Tell her about the mirror. That the way she acts and everything she says will affect the other person and make that person act the same towards her. Eventually the mirrors shatter one by one as each person had had enough and no longer wants to be treated like that and moves away from her life. The way we communicate with someone directly affects how they feel about us.
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If possible, watch the show âThe Nannyâ. Joe Frost is amazing. As far as your 10 year old. She often times points out that similar behavior is seen within the family. Kids have to get it from somewhereâŚ
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rules and boundaries. empty room. mattress and very basic clothing. books. when she earns things by behaving like a human with respect towards other, she can earn something. act like a fool, lose it again. if she speaks rudely, ignore until she speaks with respect. the rules have to be the same across the entire family tho. completely ignored unless she speaks with respect.
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Sit her down and ask her if thereâs something bothering her ask her if something bad has happened or is there anything she needs to talk about. Thereâs gotta be a reason.
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If sheâs on social media get her off it. My oldest was really bad when she spent to much time on Facebook. Itâs like everything around her stressed her out. Part of the issue is kids are to involved with social media now days. Itâs not healthy for them. My daughter was 13 before I let her have a phone and 16 before I let her on Facebook. Even then I had to take away her privileges because she started getting an attitude. She got so bad at one point my husband had to smash her phone to get her attention. Letâs just say she straightened out fast.
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Hormones 100%. You understand the situation better than she does Iâm afraid. Stick with ground rules, but at the same time, cut her some slack, have more 1 on 1 time, give her more trust & responsibility
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Aside from that/ maybe keep reiterating to THINK before she speaks to someone. It gets so repetitive, but like you said, she doesnât know why⌠also, is her cup being filled? Is she getting one on one time with you?
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Well, this is really more your fault than hers. She obviously came to believe this behavior was acceptable somewhere along the way.
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Strip her room of everything and take the door off the hinge.
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Welcome to the mean girls club! My 11year old is the same most days. Itâs better when sheâs one on one and getting my undivided attention, she likes baking and crafting. Try to carve out more time for mommy daughter time. Good luck!
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My 10 year old son was doing the same thing. I took his phone and all of his favorite toys. After a week, I had no problems anymore with him. Alot of his problem is that he doesnt like the fact that he has a stepdad rather than his bio dad. Maybe thats something to talk to her about since you did mention she has a stepdad, maybe it has something to do with her dad not being there or her stepdad being there.
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Mine is 13 she still is like this but since I have been giving her the attitude back along with taking everything for periods of time she is getting better plus speaking calmly when she doesnât have the attitude its a process
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She needs boundries. She obviously knows she has none. The more she is allowed to get away with this behavior, the more it will continue and escalate! Nip it in the bud. Be consistent with punishment and let other adults sheâs with get on the same page as you. This is just disrespectful and only get worse. The adults need to set the example as well. Sit down, talk about it and let her know what youâre expecting from her and let her know what the consequences will be and stick to it. Praise her when sheâs good as well. The pandemic Iâm sure has been stressful, but this is plain manners. I also explained to our childrenâŚtreat others how you want to be treated.
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I think its the age. All this starts at 10.
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I highly recommend counseling. I went with my daughter when she was 12 and it really helped.
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Punishing her I feel will only make things worse & give her even less to care about. She is young & needs to learn to express her self emotionally & openly. Maybe she has no idea what her problem is perhaps she doesnât even see it as a problem. Maybe some therapy or just trying to level w/ her during her episodes. Example instead of lashing out in response to her attitude calmly divert the situation from her against u to u trying to understand her & what is triggering her. Maybe expressing ur views & feelings when she disrespects u will effect her. In all my years of rebellion my parents tried it all to punish me scold me ground me etc they did it all & u know what the one thing that actually made me sit back & realize how bad I was treating everyone was?? When my dad had no words for me. Just disappointment. That hurt more then all the beatings the groundings being tossed from one parent to the next.
My daughter is starting to act like that too. We have something called the Safety Zone, basically whenever they need to talk about something they let an adult know, it can be just one on one or if another person (sibling) is involved they can ask that person to come in too, but nothing is held against her, and she isnât grounded. And we talk about whatâs going on, how it makes her feel etc. that way as she gets older she will be able to talk about her feelings better instead of bottling it up and not feeling validated. Also, we want our kids to talk to us as they get older, without feeling the need to lie, so this shows them that they can trust us with important things without being too afraid of us.
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Sign up for serving food for the homeless, it may help show how to be appreciative for what she has since taking away things is not working. It may also be a time to see a psychologist for underlying issues she may be hesitant about being open with you. Psychologist are there to help with tips and new strategies on a short term basis or to help cope or to help get to the bottom of the issue-the choice is yours. It does help and why it there. Highly recommend it before it gets further out of control to put the harmony back in the relationships.
So many worry about kids being able to express themselves⌠they can be helped to understand that feelings can be expressed and discussions about what kid is going through can be had WITHOUT backtalk disrespect or aggression shown toward the parents. Youâre not stifling the kid to stand up to disrespect.
I remember this stage with my son many a day he would end with with a room with just his bed and his uniform and pjs he wouldnât been anything else he wasnât going anywhere. And everything would be locked in the shed for weeks till he got a grip
I had a daughter when they get to a age and you think who is this monster why has she turn this way well I put my foot down no more money no going out on weekend I really stuck to my guns and she soon changed her ways
I had similar issues with my daughter from a slightly younger age - she would say the same, that she doesnât know why she would snap. Sheâd be so apologetic but any consequence she received didnât stop it happening again. Sheâs 11.5 now and just got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. The anger was coming from a place of frustration and being unable to meet expectations but not knowing why. She also would be like it towards my mum but not my dad. My dad has a calming impact on her. Understanding her triggers helps. Obviously there were other concerns leading to the diagnosis but honestly it wasnât obvious, itâs just the two of us and weâre very close but I didnât pick up on it. Not saying itâs necessarily the case here but I do recommend looking at other factors and getting a therapist involved as opposed to just seeing it as bad behaviour
You need a set of house rules and be consistent with the punishments. Make more time for just you and her to special things together. If she does well following the rules then a little reward at the end of the week or month.
Lol, realize that kids are growing up fast⌠I have the same situation, I am not ready nor prepared. But, it is what it is⌠Roll with it and enjoy the time you have when them. Most importantly, be there for them if they want to talk⌠Sometimes just listening is all they need. Wishing you well on this new journeyâŚ
Have her squeeze toothpaste out onto a plate, then ask her to put it back into the tube. Itâs nearly impossible. Relate that to the words she has been speaking over everyone. Words are powerful. They of course should be loving and kind. You canât take it back so make sure what you are putting out there is good. Praying for her and you. Pray for her Mamma.
Could be going through hormonal changes. Some girls start menstruating as early as 10 years of age. Just keep doing what your doing momma. Keep reminding her how important it is to be kind to people, as kindness goes a long way. Eventually, she will become kinder.
What happened to a simple⌠tell them you love them and hugs and kisses. People act out when they dont feel loved. Sometimes, that all it takes but most will rather punish them instead of actually getting to the root of the problem
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If you find out let me know please. We have a 10 year old girl too
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Be consistent. Most of it is likely hormones and also could be partly outside influences like friends or social media. Sheâs going to be nasty and rude at times, but thatâs every child. Keep your expectations the same and punish the behavior when it calls for it and for longer periods when itâs needed. Also talk to her and acknowledge when she is behaving and being kindâŚreward the good and give consequences for the bad. Remember you can always walk away if youâre getting upset with her behavior and come back when youâre calm so you donât overreact. We were all her age once and going through those changes wasnât easy on any of us, but that doesnât excuse being mean and nasty for no reason.
A spanking never killed anyone Iâm not saying to beat her but couple of hits on on the bottom wonât hurt.
I mean, thatâs your decision as a parent. Either you allow the behavior to continue (and probably worsen) or you figure out a way for your child to let you in. At the end of the day, all the advice in the world still doesnât give you the answer 
I would do a military style honestly . sheâll get a bed, blankets and clothes and basics for showering / hygiene but sheâll have to earn privileges. I know sheâll need computer for like school but monitor it. Or therapy . my dad would usually whop me upside the head but sometimes that doesnât work for everyone
You must be consistent and never bluff. If you say Iâm going to throw it away then you have to follow through not just give in. When she understands that you are serious she will start to change.
take her to a motel in remote iowa, have her read the diary of anne frank over the period of a few days with no electronics or television, go on walks outside with her etc and read my own novel, and then have her write a book report on it before you will return her to civilization.
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I have not found anything that works. Praying - not sure it helped her attirude or behavior but it made me feel better.
Warning, time-out, apology, forgive move in. Promise it works. I seriously watched super nanny vidoes and its working. They are still little time out works. Can also take things away. Screen time etc
My 13 year can be super mouthy at times. I lock her out of her phone, ground her, and she canât go anywhere (including grandmaâs house). My MIL can take one or both of her siblings if she wants a kiddo to hang out. She stays in her room until she is ready to talk to anyone too. I am ok with being the mean mom
It sounds like youâre punishing her for having emotions and God forbid having hormones at 10 years old in 2020. Instead, love her a little more spend one on one time with her. Donât talk to her. Learn to listen instead. Parents donât always have all the answers. How she feels is important. She says nothings wrong which we all know is BS. If women can say âim fineâ why is a little girl expected something different. Let her be. My daughter is about the same age. I donât believe in hitting my kids but it doesnât mean I donât want to from time to time. One of you needs to be the bigger person one and itâs not going to be the 10 year old
I would agree with hormonal my daughter was the same way at 10 then got her period at 11 she always gets worse around that time of month she is 16 now.
You have to choose a consequence that you can and will follow through with. Threatening and not following through just shows her that you are ok with her behavior. Follow through and show her that you are in charge. Pick something that wonât cost you money. With my kids, I let them know that the only requirements on me was to provide a roof, food and clothes. They did not have to be designer so we started going to good will. I took them to a homely shelter and made them bring brand new gifts to the kids there. It woke them up.
try little girl please understand this attitude and disrespect equals a spanking on my knee kindness equals a hug and a kiss on my knee Note: spanking is not to be hard but just hard enough to sting
Take her to goodwill get her the ugliest ill fitting clothes take away her electronics and any other luxury she may have and place a mattress on the floor and a dress for her new goodwill clothes and tell her once she finds a new attitude she will then start to get her privileges back but until then she gets to have nothing but bare necessities
I am seriously thinking weekly my daughter may be allergic to something that makes her mean and ugly. DIVA isnât even a tip of the iceburg itâs almost embarrasing. She does nothing in the home, Basically did not go to school this semester. I have taken her to therpaists, doctors, everyone thinks Iâm overreacting to have her be a decent human beingâŚGOOD LUCK
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If nothing else works strip her room of everything. Tell her when she can treat people with respect then she can start earning stuff back slowly. I hope you find something that works for you.
Just remember most times they donât even know why they are mean, hormones are complicated, I try to remember how I felt at that age.
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Place standards and rules and stick with them no matter how mad they get at you
We make soo much sacrifices for our children. Give up our dreams, work just to spend the majority of our money on them, take them cool places, make sure they are up to date with trends then they want to go ahead and act up? 
best believe their life will be like night and day. The child will wake up the next morning and think they are in a dream. Give them their fair share of warnings them bamm thatâs itâŚeverything will be GONE
Someone may have said this but have her track her cycle. There are days when hormones are crazy and she will be too but if she understands the hormones maybe sheâll understand her moods better. My girls both lost their minds around their 12th birthday and then I lost my cool, only once each, but the solution was to understand hormones and give space when warranted. Hormones are not the excuse but understanding how they affect our mode gives a lot of insight.
I also explained to my girls that I will love them no matter what but that didnât mean I had to love their moods or behavior. Now at 20 & 23 we are close and have been since we got past the terrible 12s.
Good luck.
If ive learned one thing its threatening aint nothing to a kid. Follow through with it or she will take u as a joke. Bet once u start following through with those threats u make u will see an attitude changed real fast
Thereâs some good advice here, but itâs important to remember that every child is different! Nobody here knows your daughter; you do. You have to do whatever is best for her. Good luck, mama.
I have a 17 year old and a 12 year old⌠the tweens suck⌠period! Itâs a lot of hormones, angst, etc. therapy can be helpful. Clear, defined boundaries too
Attitude comes with preteens as well as teenagers (& some adults too)
I was once told that a childâs attitude is just them trying to express their opinion but with not understanding the correct way to express that opinion
Donât get me wrong, my daughter is now 18 but there was some occasions where she didnât make it to her next birthday (joke obvs) but it is getting easier the older she is getting
Not every child is the same. Obviously, the whole taking stuff away and punishing her is not working. Treating her even worse is not going to help at all.
Like os said all kids are different but what worked for my daughter is therapy and having someone to talk to.
If you would like to chat you can message me. I am willing to help.
Mine was like that at that age. Got her a journal. Told her to write her feelings and angry words out. Helped her to âseeâ what she was saying that hurt everyone.
Keep having those boundaries & restrictions with her. Children need boundaries. Donât bend to her will. Women just tend to develop so much faster naturally. She may already be having pre-menstrual hormones. Even if children canât recognize or acknowledge it, they crave & recognize authority. Donât waver, sheâll appreciate it at some point.
coping skills and therapy. she may not realize there actually is something going on
If she can watch her mouth when sheâs talking to your mom, she can watch her mouth talking to everyone else. And if she canât, she can live like the Amish. Until she figures out how to control herself, she gets three hots and a cot 
(Iâve got a 16 year old that wasnât allowed to be disrespectful. So sheâs not.)
Thatâs a tough one kids respond to different things. Reward and punishment? Mine didnât start teenage sttitudes til around 16âŚespecially my middle child, who outgrew it. Maybe let her talk to a counselor. My youngest is 16 now and he has one who meets with him via teleconference due to covid. He schedules his own appt with her and everything.
My 7 yr old has one. Iâm like I thought I had a couple more yrs before this lol. But she never like mean right now just attitude.
Have her volunteer somewhere, doing something kind for others. Have one on one time with her.
Take Grandma time away sounds like a respect issue. How is your relationship with the grandma?
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Does she have social media? Sometimes itâs just so they are around. My daughter really changed when she met new friends and it sucks lol
Let her be. Iâm the father of a 9-year-old daughter and feel the same at times. She can be repulsive and her attitude is more or like that of a teenager. The whole idea is to be patient with her, keeping in mind she is with her stepdad. You might want to think before you cut out everything from her life. As it is she is cut out from her father. You are doing more harm than good, by cutting out the small joys from her life. Think wisely and handle the situation, you do not want her to become the same with her partner and children in the future, do you.
The thing that stuck out to me was the word âStep-dadâ. Maybe heâs a good dude. I dont knowâŚbut Iâve seen enough Lifetime Movies and Dr. Phil to think that he may be the problem.
Shes pre pubescent. Get used to it? I remember being 10 and puberty getting real close and all the mood swings that came with it.
Mine is doing the same thing but sheâs 9. Iâve noticed its rubbing off on younger siblings and that she is watching shows that are more teen and not right for her she is mimicking the attitude from the shows. So I cut out the shows. Lots of talks, lots of removal of devices, lots of reading older book series seems to help.
Look up positive parenting- itâs a great program that helps deal with any situation
There is nothing you can do that is who she is. People are with their personality there isnât anything that can be changed about that. Hitting her wouldnât even do any good which is a bad idea and it doesnât work. What time she will get a little better but it is who she is!
My dad took everything out of my room I was 11 12 maybe all I had was a mattress. I straightened up earned my stuff back little by little
Everything in my house is a privilege except bread and water. Kids earn points for good behavior. Points pay for everything not bread and water. No points. No privileges.
Going through the same thing with my 9 year old.
My soon to be 10 year ild is the same. Her body is changing so I know it must be hormonal.
My daughter was like that between 11-13âŚthen like a switch she became a loving, caring, mature and responsible person has been every sinceâŚshe is now 23 and a nurse. Sometimes you just have to get through itâŚabout all you can do. It will get better again one day 
Get used to it. Lol. I have a 12 yr old and an 8 yr old both girls. Take up drinking, take the long way to the store. Just girls.
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I have the same issue with my 10 yr old. Only we donât live near family.
My girl started with the attitude at 8! Before that, I swear I thought I had won the daughter lottery! She started her cycle at 13, I thought maybe things would finally start calming down. Not sure why I thought that lol. Sheâs only gotten worse. When will it end?!! 
first and fore most is she being bullied at school
Have her write, why she think she can and do treat people that way . Then write, how she think people should treat her and talk to her. Then set down and talk about what she wrote.
Hormones my duaghter was like this. And right after she turned 11 she started her period. So she could be starting soon also. Just a heads up
Youâre the adult and sheâs the kid. Remind her of that.
Itâs the age. And good luck! Mine is now 16 and her sassy a$$ is terrible in every way.
Do not take anything more away just let her know that she cannot get anything new until her mouth has been under control for at least a week yes this includes her Christmas presents she can open 1 every week that she behaves herself
My 10 yr old son is exactly like this!
If itâs only been this year it started, the whole pandemic has been stressful on all kids of all ages.
Also could be who she is hanging out with when sheâs not at home influencing that behavior.
My son who was 5 at the time got REALLY rude talking of killing, death, and very mean things to me and his dad⌠Come to find out he was learning it from watching YouTube stars that are adults acting like children playing popular video games. So I took away youtube
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Iâve been busting out the belt & threatening to use it. 
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How long has step dad been in the picture and what is the relationship. Is there any jealous or resentment?
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I say âtry saying that like you are talking to your momâ which makes her think and change the way she speaks. I think itâs hormonal and she may not realize she is doing it.
My niece went through that with her daughter it was crazy nothing helped she just grew out of it know today sheâs 13 and you would of never thought she was like that 3 years torcher good luck girls are drama Queenâs lol 
She acts that way because you have allowed it for so long. My son doesnât rule the roost. I do. Period. End of discussion lol. Iâm not criticizing you, so please donât get upset. But discipline is needed. My son is almost 12. He has snapped at me a few times and I am quick to remind him who the hell I am. I respect him as a human being and his needs are met, as well as most of his âwants.â However, I am not his friend. I am his mother. Im sure she has a phone? Stop paying that phone bill. TV? Take it. Internet? Sorry, no password for you. Expensive clothes and shoes? Those are a privilege. Iâll dress you perfectly fine through Goodwill.
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Video tape her acting up, than make her watch it.
Maybe she is acting out because she is jealous of her younger brotherâs relationship with you or the entire family relationship and she might feel left out. She probably turns to your mom because she feels like she is the only one on her side.
Whereâs her father and what is her relationship like with the stepfather?
Christmas is almost here this is the most leverage you will have all year use it wisely
Could it be hormones.? Maybe keeping her away from grandma? Dies grandma allow her to do that to,you in front,of her?
A bed is a privilege. Give the kid a sleeping bag and offer the floor. Good meals. A privilege. So are daily showers and good shampoo. My child is 6. Sheâs had her door taken off when she thought she could slam it whenever she wants. Took three times taking that door off but it doesnât get slammed now. I remind her how blessed she is. How there are kids that donât even have clothes or food. I once took all her toys away. No tv. She had to sit bored. But her respect has went up. I wouldnât deny her food but she would get what she needed. Not at all what she wanted.
How about an 8yr old with the attitude of one
Take things away from her⌠youâre the boss, not her!
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I agree with Jenn Collins a smack on the ass never hurt anyone or tap on the mouth when shes talking back
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My mother had a lilac switch
ever think about a good old fashioned spanking?