Does anyone else have a toxic mother? My mother makes sneaky remarks at my sisters and me to make us feel bad about ourselves. ESPECIALLY out bodies, She gave us coats as gifts with our names on it. Things were going fine until we were all getting ready to leave. She asked, ‘’are you even gonna fit your coat? I get scared to give you clothes that you won’t fit them. If you don’t fit if, LOSE WEIGHT!! ’m Thanks, mom. Merry Christmas to you too! I love my mom, but sometimes I just wanna slap her because of the things she says. I hope I won’t be like this when I’m her age.
83 Likes
I’m petty af, i would have handed it back to her! And told her thanks and no thanks bc i wouldn’t want to be around her or want her around my kids
2 Likes
I cut people off like that.
“Moms”… sorry about that - totally not normal, helpful or loving 
If she really mean it that what she said…just tell what she had issues and see for herself see how she must be feel when she did this to you…try sit down and have talk to her?..I use to had toxic relationships with my mom also but we did well now than before
Sounds like your mom grew up in the 50’s
2 Likes
Cut her off. I wouldn’t be around toxic “family.” Mom or not.
1 Like
Cut ties with those who treat you poorly. I detached myself from my parents and the remarks and comments just got worse. Sometimes you need to cut ties with family even if it’s hard. You’ll be happier in the long run!
3 Likes
My dad is toxic. I cut him out long ago for degrading comments.
Go buy her clothes that are too small lol
2 Likes
My mom used to give me food and tell me how pretty I’d be if I lost weight while I was eating it. That’s just the food thing. She can reduce me to a gibbering mess within 5 minutes no matter what.
3 Likes
Just limit exposure and be absolutely the opposite of her. My mom told my brother and I once that we were such ugly children.
1 Like
I stopped caring about what people said decades ago…
Cut her off !!! You live your life as you feel not how your expected !!! And tell her to make sure she gets the correct size next time!!!
1 Like
I set boundaries thank goodness my mom lives 20 miles away n another town but b/c believe family is important and for my boys sake I draw lines limit physical contact ignore her snide comments never take what she says to heart let her talk etc plus if I don’t she will call cps n make our lives he’ll again
My moms exactly like this. She’s really jealous of her daughters. It’s gone on since I was really little. We aren’t close and I barely talk to her. Drop her. And don’t let anything she says effect you because it’s not true.
1 Like
I cut my egg donor off, wasn’t easy, but it was worth it for my sanity and mental health.
1 Like
Tell her it runs in the family and you have your genes from her, difference is, you are comfortable in your skin and she isn’t, that is why she is being so rude, and insecure. If you don’t like the jacket give it away. I feel you. I get the same statements a lot too.
1 Like
Exactly time to disinvite her you both will be better .I have a sister like that I dont dear as l with her at all my life is better. Try it
Talk to her. Explain that her comment was hurtful and you don’t appreciate being spoken to like that.
You should really sit down and talk with her. If she doesn’t stop, do not spend time around her. This is toxic behavior and you don’t need to surround yourself or your family with this kind of negativity.
4 Likes
I love my mother, but I don’t like her as a person. I feel you.
5 Likes
I love my mommy. But they an be so hurtful.
I’ve told my mom cause she’d jokingly always say oh your brother gonna pass you in school shit like that about my weight so as an adult I told her well yeah maybe that’s why we don’t have the motivation to do things because you always shot us down and she got pretty offended but didn’t say much but we live and we learn. 
I won’t be saying stuff like that to my daughter I’ll try to be there without being too much of a friend but more of an understanding parent.
I have a toxic mother. Haven’t talked to her in years.
1 Like
Just because she’s your “mother” doesn’t mean you have to have her in your life. Don’t let her affect your family.
2 Likes
Thanks mom, just don’t buy me anything else!! My daughter is beautiful in a Crocker sack if that’s what she wore ii would never tell her to lose weight or anything else. I’m sure you are beautiful try to brush er off. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
1 Like
Wow! A mother should never say things like that about their children. If she cant support and love you for who you are, I would cut ties
Yes. Toxic is toxic… Even family… It isn’t worth the engery trying to “fix her” or “change her” she is always going to be just a nasty mouth bit0@ch
Just walk away knowing your better then that. Dont allow anyone to treat you that way…
1 Like
Put distance between you and her no one deserves that shut!
Just because your family doesn’t mean you have to have toxic people in your life
My mom’s an asshole. She’s selfish and narcissistic. I honestly treat her like my toddlers. It’s helped a lot in dealing with her.
The Undone Mama is a group of humans recovering from toxic family relationships. Come join us.
5 Likes
same!! my mom is awful i do think mine is much worse but i feel you
1 Like
My mom makes remarks about everything in my brothers and my life. My mom lives 1200 miles away now and I couldn’t be happier. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom and I miss her but she needs to stay in her state. Tried to ruin mine and my younger brothers relationships, and we are extremely happy with our s/o.
Would have said, no worries mom, if it doesnt fit, I’ll donate it to the homeless. Its the thought that counts
3 Likes
My mother has said and done some nasty things to me and my family, as well as about my family to my siblings (and talks about them as well) so I said see ya sometime last year and haven’t looked back. She has a relationship with my sisters, but since I found her after she attempted suicide about 10 years ago she has made it very clear that she hates me as I should have let her die. I am not into the drama so I don’t associate with her anymore. I feel great as I look back I see that I tolerated a lot of emotional abuse and not willing to live like that anymore.
2 Likes
Haven’t talkes to mine in years. Sad but true its just that bad
My mom Is super inappropriate so my therapist told me I have to look at my mom differently.
Act like she has a true disability. She does not have a filter around me and she can say some really bad stuff. But I love her and she’s 75 so I need to let that go in order to keep seeing my mom.
6 Likes
I would have told her until she can treat me with respect and, be a caring mother I will not be entertaining her. Then walked out without the jacket.
I have a toxic mom too, haven’t seen her in over 2 years. While there are times I miss her terribly, I don’t miss the toxic behavior and I refuse to put my kids through it.
6 Likes
I would’ve said then buy the right size. I know people like this. Get her out of your life.
2 Likes
Just tell her straight up shes being hurtful and rude
She probably doesnt even realise it and may stop
1 Like
Boundaries are important. People may find it funny but after a while it gets to read you down. No one deserves that.
2 Likes
Look at who raised her is one thing it could be pressured into her from a young age and she might not even realize she’s being a bitch anymore. I would also sit her down and have a talk with her and if she can’t understand how her child feels about her demeaning remarks then you should probably cut ties because toxic relationships are never good for anyone even if they’re blood.
If its just comments and small jabs… Talk to her. She may not realize shes doing it. The elders on my dads side of the family make comments that hurt my feelings about being overweight or not married no children etc. I know within myself im not over weight (95lbs) but after holiday dinner my belly is gonna bulge cause i can put away some holiday food! My moms side begs me to eat more thinks its cool that im waiting on marriage and children. Sometimes people dont realize how hurtful things can be
My mom is the same way. Very controlling too. I honestly believe she is a narcissist but eh.
It doesnt get better I promise you that. She still tries to control my Facebook 
1 Like
I let my mom go. I decided it was better for me and my children if I was a product of a dysfunctional family and not part of one. I cut off her and her toxicity over a year ago and my life is so much less stress filled. My kids didnt deserve to see her treat me the way she did and we are all better now that she isnt part of our lives.
8 Likes
14 years old, 5’7" weighed 98-102 lbs. She told me repeatedly when she was my age she had a 22 inch waist and I was fat. Dad shut her up by telling her"Woman, the only place you are 22" is around your ankle." End of that. Sadly, she had other issues - physical and emotional abuse to my brother and I. Died finally realizing that no one in the family wanted her in their homes. She was cared for but not cared about.
2 Likes
My mother is so toxic that I have had 0 contact with her for years. You do not have to put up with behavior like that because she is your mom. You dont have to completely cut her out but put some distance and do not be afraid to stick up for yourself.
5 Likes
Distance is always a good thing
1 Like
Are there seriously people like that!? Disgusting. I’d cut her out
Just because she is family does not mean you have to take that kind of behavior.
If it was anyone else you would have stopped talking to them at this point.
Toxic people should be removed from your world regardless of the relationship the two of you have
2 Likes
My mother and most of my family are toxic. I gave multiple chances and nothing ever changed. Just because they’re blood, doesn’t make them family. Toxic is toxic and that won’t ever change. Having my son pushed me to realize that I need to do what’s best for my little family and that meant cutting out everyone that was toxic to us. I didn’t want people coming and going in his life.
4 Likes
One year we had dinner with my MIL at thanksgiving and then a few days later we went to her house again to decorate her house for Christmas and she took one look at her son and said Jesus you look fatter then the last time I saw you. Keep in mind she weighs Atleast 450lbs herself. Some people just are toxic
2 Likes
This is literally my mother!!! And they know what they are saying…its not lack of filter, accidental.
2 Likes
I have a granmda like that who’s basically my mom. I’m in the same boat girl!!! Idk what to do either
you wont be lile that because you’re aware of how her shaming makes you feel. 
1 Like
My mother was the same way that why we don’t talk or have a relationship.
My mom is toxic…she likes to play the victim, and she WILL NOT help herself. Unfortunately, she is in her 70’s and if she doesn’t eat right and doesn’t exercise, her health problems will increase and guess who will be in charge of her health.
In addition to all of that, she has ALWAYS played the victim, and was not the tradition mom…so I have BIG RESENTMENT…I am in therapy learning how to stay out of her drama.
Why must moms be asses…
Summer Skye Elder can you offer advice ?
How old is mom? Has she always been this way or is it something recent? At a certain age, people seem to lose their filters. I would try to talk to her about it & if that doesn’t work, don’t do things with her. If she’s afraid things won’t fit, before holidays, call her & say,mom,btw. If you’re getting me clothing, my size is… This way there won’t be problems, especially if she personalizes the clothing!
Wow! Talk to her about it and let her know that is emotional abuse. If she doesn’t stop, put some distance between you and her. You shouldn’t allow anyone to put you down, especially family that is supposed to love you.
Mouth off now your grown 
she should understand its not a mother to daughter thing its a women to women thing if she gets offended oh well you have too now she know how it feels and wont do it 
3 Likes
I cut my mother out of my life in 2014. I’m much healthier and happier! Have you told her how you feel about her attitude/remarks etc? If not do so. If she isn’t willing to stop belittling you then cut her out.
1 Like
Just have an adult conversation with her. Don’t get down to her level, keep it classy but make your point clear she needs to stop with the rude, degrading comments or you will cut her off. Tell her exactly how it makes you feel. You can’t be upset if you haven’t told her or given her the opportunity to change her behavior.
There is a book called “Toxic Parents” it was suggested to me by a therapist when my mother died. I had not seen her in 4 years…and before that, it had been about 6. She was rude and mean and drove wedges between my sister and myself… As I read the book, I wondered how they knew my mother! lol. We have to worry about ourselves…and cut toxic people out of our lives…even if they are family. It’s sad…but to remain sane and in charge of your own life…sometimes we have to do things that we feel sad about. When my mother died, I did not go to the funeral…and I have not been sorry, she died 10 years ago…and while I was sad that she was gone…I felt a release, finally, I could talk about all the horrible things she did and said. Good luck to you…it is not easy to let go. Perhaps counseling would help you learn to deal with her. or give you the courage to let go of the toxic relationship. Good luck!
I posted something related to this on my page a few days ago. It’s set to “public.” It’s about the “mother wound.” Too long to copy and paste here, but I hope it will help you in this situation. I’m sorry she said that to you. Don’t be afraid to speak up and express how you feel. If she can’t handle it, that is her issue. Sadly, you have to teach some people how to treat you. Best of luck.
1 Like
Lol my mom gave me a shirt with a chubby chick on a bike one year …
I wrapped up a half eating sandwich for her 
My mother makes nasty remarks to my children and so does my father . Your mother should of never had children , she needs medication, she needs to see a therapist. She’s probably bipolar… all these crazy things they say to my children when I disagree with them on something .
Very toxic mother always asking for money or asking if I can get my dad something. I hate my dad with a passion and hangs up and calls my husband If I say I don’t have money like we are one not two it’s our money. Gets mad when I don’t get my half brother things I just can’t afford because he’s disabled. Gets mad when I don’t do things for her. Makes no sense I barely talk to her.
My mom had that weight obsession going and I was the one with the ‘tendency gene’ so I got all of it!
I read somewhere that people project their own worries and insecurities onto others and it’s very true with my mom! She wanted to be body perfect so anytime her daughter’s gained two pounds she was there! I could go on with horror stories but the bottom line is once I became an adult I was able to control when I was there being fair to her AND ME!!! It was my mom and I’m guessing someone did the same to her once upon a time. smh
Whoever said life is fair?! 
I’d DRASTICALLY LIMIT my time with a toxic mother, NOONE has the right to hurt you and denigrate you
That is your MOTHER! She loves you! Dont think of her in that way! When she remarks at you give her a joking remark back ! A sweet one! Sooner or later she will stop! When she see you remark in that way ! Give her a sweet remark back and give her a hug! She will feel it and stop! Mummys may irritate you but they do it unintentionally! Remember you going to miss her when u get married or move away from home or even when shes not around anymore! So make the most of your relationship with your MOTHER while she is still around! All she needs from u is Love, understanding, patience , your time and most of all your hugs!
Only remember the good and leave the rest as garbage by the curb. Life will be much better. She sounds like a person you can learn a lot from. What not to do when you grow up.
You may be her daughter but you’re not like her so don’t worry about doing the same shit that she’s doing now.
When she says some rude to you or your sister call her out on it. You are an adult and not a child so straighten up that spine and put your foot done.
You got this girl
yep toxic as fuck and i dont deal with her or allow my kids around it
I feel like I’m gonna go to hell becaus I can’t honour my mother
I not rude or talk back I just set boundaries
I miss her
But it literally puts me in a depressed state
I wish my mom loved me as much as my brother
You will be the complete opposite and respect your children. Trust me.
1 Like
My mother also had a way of expressing her opinion because we were raised to respect our elders we just brushed it off. Now that she is not with us any more we all miss her every day!
1 Like
My mother is the same way and even worse due to her being a drug addict… just to bring up a topic similar to yours my mom would tell everyone how beautiful I am but then turn around and by me the wrong size clothes , tell me if I lost weight they would fit , always make fun of how curvy I was and I know why she does it , her mom did the same to her but it still hurts and has effected me until this day ,my husband gets so mad a lot of the time because I still judge myself daily even though he sees nothing wrong with me .
My mon is a toxic mother. And those kind of mothers you cannot sit down and talk to them cuz they think their doing nothing wrong and will turn the tables around on you.
6 Likes
My grandma was not nice and my mother decided to raise us differently. Thank heavens she did. My parents were super and very supportive…
I have a toxic mother. Im moving away in 6 months and may never see or speak to her again. She is the most hateful woman I’ve ever met. At this point she may die alone 🤷🏼
I don’t deal with mine at all.
Cut her off. I cut my toxic mother off and the last 2years have been so peaceful and drama free,I’d never go back. Shes never tried to reach out or get back in contact so obviously I wasnt that important to her
2 Likes
I have a toxic mother and I have very little to do with her. It’s 100% ok to remove toxic people from your life, including family
1 Like
Boundries and sticking to them is the only thing besides straight cutting my mom out of my life (which I’ve had to do a few times) is the only thing that’s worked for me.
1 Like
If you’re an adult, grow a pair and tell her to shut the fuck up. She should have taught you that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”… but maybe you need to teach her that.
She doesn’t stop because you allow it to happen.
My grandmother is like this… but my own mother is the opposite. If you’re worry you’ll become her, that likely means you won’t!
She needs to be put in her place and have her time with you be extremely limited. Went through something similar with my mother in law she kept trying to by me clothes and always bought me the same size as my sister in law because according to my mother in law I’m only “slightly” smaller than her daughter… I wear a size large -extra large depending on brand and sis in law wears a 3x going into a 4x, after the second time I told my hubby how much it hurt me and he told his mom that then told her if she wants to buy me clothes she can only do so if she takes him with her, she had a fit over that and decided she just won’t by me clothes ever again which is fine by me
I DONT deal with mine. I’m too old for dealing with the way both of my parents are so mostly I dont see or speak to them. 
works for me just fine.
2 Likes
I cut my toxic mother from my life eight years ago. We only see each other at infrequent family get togethers. It was the best decision I made for my mental health and I have no regrets. Mother or not, no one has the right to make you feel bad about who you are. Do what is best for you.
2 Likes
I walked away from the worst mother a person could have 3 years ago and it’s been the best 3 stress free, no pain, no drama or hurt years!! I couldn’t let my kids go through thinking it was okay to be bullied
2 Likes
Anything that effects your well being should be left behind
1 Like
I also have a toxic mother I haven’t spoken to her in about 4 years I have tried and tried with her I tried being the best I could be to make her proud but it never worked she was cruel while I was child and even more so when I became an adult she has put me through some shit when my daddy died ( he was my step dad but raised me since I was 5 and always introduced me as his daughter) I asked for some ashes long story short she said no it crushed me I haven’t talked to her since there was a huge blow out words were said and I’m just done with Hershey has always put my younger sister first never accepted my 2 younger kids because she didn’t like there dad I went to therapy years ago and the therapist told me I needed to cut all ties for my own emotional well being I wish I would have listened I’m sorry your going through this no one deserves to be treated like that by anybody especially your mother save yourself the heartache and put some distance between you and her let her know why and hope she changes you have to put yourself first otherwise it will continue to eat at you and life is stressful enough
Maybe you need to let her know that the body shaming remarks are upsetting you all and that you want her to be aware of it and to stop. If you haven’t told her, she just might not be aware of how bad it is.
She grew up in another world, as well as with parents that may have been like this with her.
It’s not ok. And you shouldn’t have to, but you might need to make her feel aware of how she is hurting you all. X
Cut her ignorant ass off, that’s how Smfh 

My mother in law is like this with all the family on her side and her son to . They all hate that they don’t like that fact that she always has to say something about someone always judging . But they always out her in her place so they constantly fight lol
Oh my goodness! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who had a toxic mother. What a relief bc I always felt that there must be something wrong with me. I’m grateful to read your comments but at the same time I’m sad for all of us that had a toxic mother. What a shame, what a waste. Smh… I really would have loved her greatly if she had been a loving mother. So very sad. But one good thing about it is that it made me strong inside bc if you can survive that well you can survive any and all other emotional abuse and not only survive it but overcome it. Praise God!! 
I crossed the “oven” out my life over a decade ago. Funerals are awkward but my life and my children have been great without her. You dont need that toxicity in ypur life for ANY REASON. BIOLOGICAL or not.
omg,over here am just wondering do toxic mothers also exist