okay me and my SO have been together almost 2 years. i was told I could never have kids, and he has three from a previous marriage. Well, later down the line, I got the shocking news I was pregnant, and he and I made the decision then and there if the baby was healthy, we were keeping it. Well fast forward now, my son is nine months old, and I am having surgery to have a hysterectomy done as I’m not healthy enough to have any more kids, nor do we want anymore… My SO is so amazing and has had my back on all this… well, his ex-wife has done nothing but downgrade me. Telling me ill regret it and that I’m selfish for doing it and so on… a little back story me and his ex-wife have NEVER fully gotten along. I tolerate her for the kids and my SO but she talks mass shit about me, tells me he will leave me, tells me I got pregnant to take away from her kids, she rolls her eyes at me, tells their five year old she doesn’t have to listen to me and can back as me, gets his family against me by saying I treat their kids badly, she plays power trips and keeps the kids from there dad when she feels like it, and requests more $ even though she gets child support… it’s very bad, and I have spoken to my SO about this and how it stresses me out. Well it keeps happening, and I feel like I am a hot mess of emotions not knowing what to do… I have tried distancing myself, not going to any of his family gatherings, not being around her… but it’s not fair to the family to do this all over a stupid ex-wife (as if i don’t go my son doesn’t either) … I just need advice on what I should do. please no negative comments just a lost momma looking for some nice advice thank you
You have nothing to prove to her in any way. Honestly, she shouldn’t still be attending family functions if she has to be constantly condescending and rude. My advice take the high road, love your life in spite of her, and remember she must in fact be very jealous of you. Sad really that she has to behave that way. Best of Luck to You.
Y’all need to take this back to court. She is mentally and emotionally abusing her children… Need to have the court papers drawn up to where if she does talk bad about you or their dad or says they don’t have to listen to anyone then she is in contempt and will lose rights… Get a lawyer. Best advice I have.
It’s none of her business on your choices about YOUR body and when she’s asks for extra money if your husband does give her any make it pay it towards child support. It’s sad how she’s acting sounds like she’s just jealous
Ignore her. You dont have to deal with her. Tou have nothing to prove to her of all people. And dont not, not go to family events this is YOUR family now. Not hers.
Sounds to me she is jealous. I’d put a smile on my face and stand tall not let her know she is getting to u and go to every family gathering and it’s his family choice to decide who u r. They know he left her for a reason. Be happy in the moment with ur man dont give her the power to ruin everything for yall
You are with a man with children from previous marriage, which means ex wife will be around for life, my advice is ignore her nonsense and be the better person, always be kind to her and her children…easier said than done, but you don’t have much of a choice.
Having my hysterectomy was the best decision of my life… been over a year now and no regrets … dont worry about what she says or does shes only doing it to get a reaction out of you and cause you problems just be the bigger woman and not let it affect you or show her its affecting you … good luck
Also cut any contact u have with her she needs to directly talk to their father. Trust me I blocked my exes woman I dont deal with her at all pisses her off but she is nobody to me . Its alot less drama that way.
You all need family counseling together. The kids cant see this toxic relationship, they will resent all of you.
Kill her with kindness. Be the best person that you can to her and for your family. She may be petty and behaving like a child, but your behaviour and actions will show clearly as will hers in due time. It’s hard and sometimes you’ll have to stand your ground as it is your place to do so. If you can, I would talk to her personally via text or messages so there is proof. Explain to her that you are not trying to be against her, that all you want is peace and communication because the children are the most important thing. All she is doing is causing harm. She needs to be a better person for herself and her children. Make sure to document all that you can as well, ex. her asking for more money, or her not letting him take his children, anything else that you can get on paper/proof. If she doesn’t care to change her behaviour, take some sort of legal action, because her children are being exposed to her toxicity.
Ignore her. No reason to listen to her nonsense
You need to let that woman know your his wife now not her and don’t let her keep you away from the family that’s what she wants and you are letting her get away with it go to court get visitation and then you and your husband need to let her know she is not part of your family any more just the kids are it’s your way or no way
Have a family meeting, so needs to make clear of the boundaries that need to be in place for the children. I was the bitter ex once and also the median in another learning from my mistakes
Sounds like we have the same ex problem. My advice as I have given up trying to have her accept me, Raise your child and love his kids. Worry about your kid and hers don’t worry about her because people that know you know your not a bad person. Good luck very sorry for the ob problems your experiencing.
His ex doesnt get a say in your life. Stop giving her power over you.
Why would you let an outside source into your marriage??!! That was mistake #1. That is between you and your husband. You invite someone to use ammunition by giving them information that has absolutely nothing to do with them. Why?! Second of all in order to make peace ONLY with yourself be present at these family functions. Don’t stop being a wife and mother to ALL children. Nothing that female says will change your marriage unless you invite that negative energy inside. Consistency is key in this because kids can be told to say things but they don’t experience it! My daughter was manipulated for years until she connected the dots. Nothing the birth parent said made sense to what she experienced. She experienced lies, manipulation, games, and toxic behaviors with the birth parent. With us she experienced love, compassion and honesty. Trust and believe children are not blind for long. That lady is on borrowed time. All abusive folks are.
Tell the bitch back down dont let her intimidate you…your health is more important then that evil witch…ive been there where you are tell your SO to tell that batshit crazy ex to back off
It’s none if her business and she needs to keep her unsolicited opinions to herself.
Your SO needs to stand up for you to her and not tolerate her BS. That simple.
She’s doing it because 1) she’s awful and it likely makes her feel better about herself by putting you down. And 2) because she can. She gets away with it.
I’d demand that from my SO. Not doing standing up for you is being complicit.
Most women are pretty and can be very evil. Especially when you’re her baby daddy’s new woman. I dont see how it will ever be a comfortable dynamic.
Please research hysterectomies…you dont need all that to keep from having children! And it causes so so so so so many problems and hormonal confusion and you have to have hormone therapy and you feel crazy and grow facial hair and stuff…a simple tubal or a vasectomy is much less evasive, small recovery time without all the extreme changes to yourself!
Sounds like you are taking her too seriously. She does not control you.
Easy…ignore her & her antics and it will stop. As long as you keep giving her the power to influence your relationship & your life; she’s going to keep it up. Once she realizes she’s not getting under your skin or his, it will stop.
You stand your ground with her. Don’t let her bully you. And if he doesn’t back you up, you know where you stand.
Stop giving her money for things that aren’t court ordered. Tell his family the truth about what is going on, and she should also.
Put her in her place!! Your uterus and y’alls decision to not have anymore kids is NONE of her business.
Why does she go to his family gatherings she’s his Ex
Tell her to f**k off. Your letting her have power over you. Need to destroy that bridge and just worry bout you , the kids while they are with you. Your son and SO.
Put that bitch in check. Problem solved.
Why do you talk to her? Tolerating her at pick up and drop off and family functions is one thing, but why are you having conversations with her where she’s given the opportunity to talk to you like this? Stop entertaining her.
As far as what she says behind your back, who cares? Why do you care?
You are the wife now, she needs to get over it. And he needs to stop her crap. Do what I do, ignore the ex, and live a happy life.
None of her business she’s jealous block her
Assert yourself and ignore her. Rise above. Put a smile on your face and move forward. You are allowing her to have control. Take it back. Good luck 
How would she even know you’re getting a hysterectomy??
Her ugliness is her insecurities shining through. Your presence will just make it more evident to everyone around her. Your absence, however, will leave everyone to make assumptions about you and why you aren’t present. Every time you don’t show up, you are feeding her appetite for power.
Anytime children are involved, and exes are involved, there’s a fine balancing act of trying to make sure nobody’s feelings get hurt/everyone’s feelings get hurt. There are those who are so consumed with anger and bitterness that they aren’t happy unless they are making absolutely everyone else miserable. Then there are those who are so consumed with making sure everyone else is happy, at the expense of their own happiness.
Live in the present. You and your SO have a life together. Make it the best you can, together. Each of you should honor each other, and each other’s responsibilities and commitments. The big advice here would be to communicate with each other, and keep walking a positive path in life together.
I would be presenting my best life to her at EVER FUNCTION!!
Ain’t a bitch alive that can intimidate me!
First off how did she know and your man needs to grow some balls and put his foot down. She’s never going away. He speaks up or you step out.
If u can PROVE she is telling the kids to undermind you that could be considered mental abuse. If she holds the kids back and u have proof, if there is a legal custody agreement in place, you can get her for contempt of court. Other than that…use your voice and tell her to shut her mouth.
Your his wife now. Hopefully his family us sharp enough to realize what a spiteful woman his ex is.
Step up & be the wife, forget her.
He needs to grow a back bone. If she keeps the kids, he needs to take her to court. She needs put in her place. She feels she can put you down because he let’s her. He needs too have your back and tell her what’s up. My ex hates my husband. He was abusive so for awhile I couldn’t say anything to him and let him do whatever. Finally I took him to court. And it made a lot of things easier. Not everything. But I can finally stand up to him. And your his wife. He shouldn’t let anyone bad mouth you. Especially her and he should also put his family in check and put a stop to her coming too the family gatherings. She isn’t apart of that family anymore. You are. And those children are. If she can’t be civil then she needs to step back
She’s clearly jealous and just trying to get under your skin. I don’t get along with my husband’s ex either so I get it. It’s best to ignore her. She has no right going to any family get togethers since she’s no longer his family so I would definitely say something about that. You’re nicer than me though because I would tell her where to shove it! It’s YOUR body, not hers.
Your health and well being is NONE of her damn business!
Kill her attitude with kindness, so to speak…
She’s entirely too involved in your life and your personal life. There is no need for it. He can be involved with his children without her being a part of your lives. Remove all the ways in which she’s unnecessarily a part of your lives. Easy fix.
Stick up for yourself! Sounds like shes jealous… I’d tell her to f off
Easy punch the bitch in the face and tell her to fuck off
She’s a EX for a reason 
you have nothing to prove to her. She probably feels threatened by you and is why she is so petty
She’s jealous of you, and because ur in her old place she’s threatened by you, when it seems like there’s no reason for it
You ignore her. You talk to her when it’s necessary for the other children. Your house, your rules when the children are there. Your relationship is none of her business unless it’s endangering her children.
Look her in the eyes and say this
She sounds bloody miserable and very jealous. I would just continue to be nice for the sake of the children and stay being yourself.
Vent to a friend but also keep open convo with hubby, maybe she’s never made him as happy as yku did?
Pity her…she’s trying to find power wherever she can. Dont let it get to you.
And she matters why?
Not all advice can be positive there is nothing you can do she is the mother of his previous kids your just gonna have to deal with it if he hasnt done anything about it
your so needs to put down the law,no one talks crap about my gf/so/what ever you wanna call it,his x needs to stay x i have kids with a x i havent seen her in over 20 years,she would drop off the kids, 1/2 hr latter i would pick them up,you shouldn’t have to even her this x name in your house,your so should step up
U said he was there and good to u so let him deal with her,and don’t tell her anymore of your biness
Your other half needs to take up for you, as well as keep her at bay and out of your business. I don’t know how she has so much access to you that she can discuss her thoughts on your personal medical issues?? Is it that she doesn’t have access to you, but your SO tells you the kind of stuff she says about you? If so, that’s disgusting. And says more about him than you.
He needs to decide which events she should be allowed at and which events not . If she withholds the kids, that might be grounds for arrest (assuming there’s an order in place and you can prove it). If they don’t have a custody arrangement in place, time for phim to go to court, so that if she withholds the kids, he has recourse.
Shes jealous. Dont tell her your personal business. She doesnt need to know about your surgery. Tell her " youre right. " and she will shut up. You showing up to the gatherings will only annoy her so DO IT. She will understand after awhile she needs to back up. And about the keeping kids from dad… Take it to court! Dont let a jealous ex wife win. She sees she can get you all worked up… Clearly its been working… So she wont stop until she sees it doesnt bother you. She is just jealous her ex husband moved on and had a kid.
Pull her aside and tell her to grow up or you’re going to make her life a miserable hell. If she doesnt stop throat punch her.
I stopped reading when you said “if the baby is healthy we’re keeping it”. What is wrong with you? 
I went through the same thing for two years before i decided to say fuck this shit and got out
Just ignore her as best you can. Let her talk her shit. Show up the all the family events with the biggest smile on your face ever. The more unbothered you act the less satisfying it’ll be for her to talk down to you. Who cares what she says?
I am in the same boat as you. We married now for almost 6 years and have a little girl together. Some days were really tough. Like we were at each others through. So just little more than a year ago I told her I am no competition to her. She did not want her ex. She left him. And I told her we should be acting like adults for their son as I was very worried about him. We agreed if we had problems to addres it with each other. And to leave my husband out of it
So things between us is better although still strained. I just dont care if she talks bad behind my back. Their son is living with us and we agreed that as woman we need each other to get their son to adulthood. As long as she leaves my daughter out of her stories we are fine
Honestly, if she wants to be a jerk I’d just completely ignore her. Your husband can contact her about anything regarding the kids. You don’t need to do anything other than a polite “hello” when necessary.
Try to rise above it, she has no class and will never change. Toxic people can’t stand it when you ignore them, don’t react and smile anyway. You take away the power they think they have when you blow it off. I know it’s hard, but you can do it, be strong, you’re the winner in this situation
I know this story all to well…
Be the bigger person. Rise above don’t give her any ammunition to use against you. See if you husband will agree to bring his children without the ex and you can bring your son without her meddling .
Sounds contradictory to me…on one hand you only got pregnant to take away from her kids, on the other hand you are selfish for getting a hysterectomy. But in my opinion…people like her ONLY get away with what people allow them to. You should only have to say it once. Your husband should be backing you…and if his family likes you and wants you around, then they should tell her what’s up too. She isnt running your life or your marriage, so why is she an issue. The fact that she downplays you to the kids just shows her ignorance. If she keeps drama going then the family needs to tell her to stop or dont come. The kids dont need her there to attend. So either everyone agrees w her, or dont care whether you’re there or not. I wouldn’t stand for some drama queen coming to our gatherings but someone I like not coming. Why would your husband allow that anyway? His ex there but his wife isnt… hmmm…
Why do you have to deal with her?
She is never going to be your friend.
If you can document her,record her,so you can show ppl.And I’d be thinking about a lawyer to get custody of the kids.You can also take to cps about her parenting.
Just shower her with your kindness and keep loving your kiddos and respectful to her and when she’s still downright nasty atleast you know st the end of the day you were the best version of yourself for all involved. She’s whack
IMO she wants what she lost. She will not stop until she finally finds happiness and with people like her they dont ever find it. Hopefully (I am in the same boat lol) they get tired of it and find a different person to play the games with.
It’s none of her business
Fuck her 
she’s ovi jelly or wouldn’t be causin so much ruckus let her hate she clearly envy’s you live on don’t let her bother you she’ll keep bothering the both of you till she moves on unfortunately just enjoy it 
she’ll move on when you quit letting it get to you!
Hold off on the hysterectomy — I also was encouraged to do so but did aerobics instead. Eight years later I had another daughter. Unless you have cancer there may be other options . CHeck those out first.
block her phone number on both your phones.
I would just avoid her all together. Since this is what your doctor is encouraging and both you and your husband feel it’s the right thing to do then it’s not her place to give you any medical advice as she isn’t a doctor, let alone your personal doctor. As for the children, I would have your SO enforce that while they are in your shared home that both of you have the same amount of authority regardless on what their bio mother thinks as it isn’t her home and she shouldn’t shove her nose into your home. Have her take a child in the middle class and if she has stress it again if you even see a judge again. She can’t be blocked completely since she has children with her, but make sure you are heard that her opinion on the matter is not her business and what goes on in your home is none of her business either as long as her children are properly taken care of. Good luck to you and yours.
Wow…my story almost to a T.
Ignore her bitter, jealous ass.
Read/ listen to the Audible book “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins. Strengthen your mind to where this kind of shit doesn’t even phase you. It wont even be on your radar
Also, try meditation and yoga. Believe it or not, it does wonders
Take the high road and be the bigger person. She shouldn’t be attending HIS family’s functions. If he’s paying child support he doesn’t owe her any extra money and if she withholds the kids from his court ordered visits she can be arrested for contempt of court. Take the court papers and call the police if he has to in order to visit the kids. Document EVERYTHING and take her back to court.
Get a set custody order in place and cut her off. And ignore her. You have no reason to interact with her. But you DO need to sit the kids down and make it clear that the rules at your house will be enforced. That they WILL respect you and listen to you while they are in your home or they will no longer be welcome there. Let them know and make it clear that what their mother tells them does not fly in YOUR home.
It may sound fucked up, but these kids are from a broken family and are a part of two different households. They need to learn that the rules for each household apply to those households respectively
She shouldnt be involved with his family at all.
I’d play nice. If it continues…its time for the claws to come out! lol
kidding. but I’m afraid if my husband had an ex and she did this…I would do the exact thing I said. enough is enough.
When she finds a new man and she will then she will care less about you,him or the ex in laws.
Avoid the woman and her drama like a plague refuse any words about it at all
Dr. Phil says “you handle your family and he handles his.”
That’s his shit to deal with.
Make him.
When you find a solution, let me know. Been dealing with one for 7 years now. I couldn’t care less if she likes me, but referring to my child as “the little girl” pisses me off. They go bat shit crazy when their EX husband has a baby with another woman. She just wants what you have, jealousy is an ugly thing. Ignore her as much as possible. Good luck!
I’d tell her off ONE good time and then stop dealing with her period.
Sounds like she still has feeling for your husband I would just ignore her. Reacting to her is what she wants and it’s not worth giving her any kind of attention.
I’m in a very similar situation with my hubbies ex, she’s does the same things. I just keep my cool and we keep communication to minimum obviously unless it’s about my step son. We don’t retaliate, we document EVERYTHING and we have just started mediation. Fingers crossed things settle down for us both!! Good luck hun x
Stop talking to her. She will never like you. Keep loving the kids but distance yourself from her. If you must talk ignore her ignorance.
I’m in the same boat. Been dealing with it for 6 years now. I just stay far away as possible.
What does it matter what she thinks or says. Some women just love to create drama.
Why does she wven know your personal stuff. Its none of her business
The ex is super jealous of you
Be kind, kill her with kindness!!.Make friends with 5 year old. Not being able to carry again is due to health is not some kind of sin. How does Ex even know?? I could not carry another baby either!! My son was a miracle, second blew my tubes. Took 4 years for my first. Getting your tubes tied works by if complications h what you are doing is better. Ex doesn’t need to know about your personal health.
Do what u need to do for your health.none of her business.make your own decisions.go to family gatherings and have fun u have the right to be there not her.get along with her if u can if not cut her off have as little to do with her S possiable
If they haven’t gone through a court I would suggest taking her to court so that the times are set as well as the amount of money given. Your husband needs to step up and say something because that lady sounds like a lunatic who is having trouble letting go and moving on.
Confront her and leave it at that. Prove his family you treat those kids just fine. But her telling the one kid she don’t have to listen to you is beyond ridiculous.
Why is she attending family functions? Or are they functions not held by his family? Because if she goes to his family functions it’s weird. Same if he were to go to hers. Leave it be. Ignore it. I know it’s tough. But shes just mad that you make your husband happy if I had to guess. What matters is that you always stay classy and dont ever give her a reason to be a dick that way if things for some reason go really south really fast there is nothing being held against you.
I agree with Lori, take the high road. And you do need respect