Needing serious advice on how to handle a situation calmly. So back story. This is a cousin and his gf. We all live in my grandparents home. Us temporarily due to personal things going on. My cousin and his gf do not work, have a 6 month old baby. They stay up all night doing their choice of drugs, hand the baby off to me daily as soon as my spouse leaves and do not do a thing. I have hypermesis and still do every bit of cooking, cleaning and purchasing of things. I was raised by my grandfather so I try to be respectful at all times because he is obviously doing us a favor and allowing us in his home. These two other adults are his girlfriends grandson and girlfriend. She is OVERLY protective of them to the point she will say I did something even though it was not me and everyone in the home knows that. My spouse is to the point of snapping because he is tired of me being s exhausted from everything and being so sick constantly and the shit talking if I even lay down during the day. We pay to live here. Itâs not free. Purchase everything for the home, do all home repairs and take care of my grandfather. My grandfather wants them out but fears upsetting his girlfriend. His girlfriend and the dudes girlfriend sit and talk poorly of everyone and absolutely hate me because they say my grandfather and spouse baby me. Which maybe a little but I do the same for everyone in the house down to all 6 adults laundry and 3 meals a day. How do you voice how you feel without causing drama? My husband really wants to bring it all up and just let it be known I will no longer take care of all adults. Aside from the older ones out of respect for them. I hate conflict and will just people please and stress myself out or let my feelings get hurt and just keep quiet to keep the peace. It wouldnât be an issue but itâs to the point there is becoming bugs coming from their room, nowhere else in the house so I clean their room. These are not teens with a baby⌠they are in their 20s. Please help how to approach to keep the peace
Your husband is right you both need to lay it all out. Maybe sit with your grandfather first and tell him your concern not only for yourselves but for him. Then hopefully you can sit with the scum bags and g/f and get it all out.
Move out. You are grown. Itâs that simple.
You are enabling their bad behavior. You donât have to talk to them. Just stop doing things for them. Focus on you, your spouse and your grandfather.
What a tough situation. If theyâre being abusive to the grandparents, that can be considered elder abuse and you can call an adult protective services and start cases and have them legally removed. You will need to document the abuse toward the elderly but it sounds like you have a case. That being said with your family situation if you can get out anytime soon get out.
Stand back and let your husband protect you. Theyâll be so mad that they wonât talk to you or pawn their kids off. Grandpa doesnât have to say a thing and itâs a win-win for you.
I would stop doing their laundry and meals for the young adults. Just worry about your fam and grandpa or else find a new place to live. Things will get worst
Omg wow girl. Maybe something does need to be said about you doing everything. If it were me I would respect your grandfather and do things for him but maybe let him know this is not ok for the others to free load and have them leave or get jobs and do their own laundry and you do your family and grandfatherâs laundry and cleaning. Hugs. Hope you get on your feet and move out soon.
It is your Grandfatherâs house. He needs to put his foot down with the gf. Either they start contributing or they are out. That is ridiculous. If they dont get their shit together the baby needs to be removed.
Everyone get there own place! Problem solved lol
The men need to provide a better living situation. You shouldnât cook and clean for the drugged up parents. Clean and cook for your grandfather and yourself. Time to MAN up and live on your own!! I feel bad for your grandfather!!! Gpa is priority
Tell your grandpa to give you the ok to start eviction. And stop feeding them, start charging for the food you buy and stop doing laundry for them. And be prepared for drama because is inevitable. If your grandpa dont have anybody else, be his voice.
Itâs not your home to do anything. Put up with it or get out.
Donât need to say a word just take care of your family and grandfatherâŚ.nothing else!! You donât owe them!
If these two are using drugs and bugs are coming out of their room where they live with an infant I suggest calling cps because it sounds like the baby is in an unsafe environment
Gpa should kick them out and if his gf has something to say about it she can go with them. 
Donât clean up after them they are grown . Take care of your grandpa and your family only
Talk to youâre grandfather kick them out you pay to live there and sounds like you help youâre grandfather meaning itâs youâre home too. No shame in helping family. I agree with the other comments about their behavior being elder abuse. And the drugs around their kid thatâs unsafe.
I wouldnât care if they were family or strangers on the street. Call CPS. Like yesterday. That baby being exposed to drugs and unsanitary living conditions is going to end very badly if the parents continue to be enabled. Itâs not about anyoneâs feelings at this point. Who cares who gets pissed off? How do all of you know this and not do something about it? Kicking them out could put that baby in extreme danger.
You for one should report bc they have a 6mo old and doing drugs around itâŚas far them stop doing for them they are grown I would calmly talk to them about the situation and if have bugs in their room they going to move out to the rest of the house if donât get control of it now
The drug use with a child in the home is an absolute nonnegotiable. Do you realize every adult in that home can and will be in serious trouble not if but when something happens as the result or while they are high? Possible possession charges and cruelty to children at the least for all adults including you and grandpa. Druggies gotta go and call DFACS.
You canât do anything. Itâs not your house. Take care of yourself and your spouse. Save up and move out
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Iâm with your husband. If you upset them well oh well. Theyâre useless. They canât keep taking advantage of those around them.
Pretty sure your grandfathers gf is not good for him. Sounds like sheâs using him tbh.
Really its your grandfathers place to talk to them all but I suppose you could ask him if he wants you to deal with them for himâŚprobably lose his gf though that doesnât sound like a bad thing âŚ
Make a chore list for them all and if they donât take partâŚthey dont eat.
Stop looking after their babyâŚhard as that will beâŚ
Tell them they need to pay rent just like you or you cant cook their meals.
Look after your grandfather and leave the rest to rot .
Due to the pregnancy you have every right to be like âDr ordered xyzâ fill in the blank to whether it be more lying down, less bending over(example: emptying laundry machines) which causes you to not be able to do some of those other adults laundry anymore such as the cousin and girlfriend that are causing you major stress and maybe you can just do yours and your husbandâs laundry and maybe grandfather if heâs asking it as a favor since you live in his house. The fact that youâre paying some form of rent to live there you have a right to feel safe in your home which means you donât have to allow them to be squatters and doing drugs in your home. I would be especially concerned about the drugs situation because that being present can put your unborn baby at risk if you happen to breathe the second hand smoke or absorb it through your skin while cleaning up their messes.
Find a way to go stay some where else for bout a weekâŚenough time for your work there to be noticed , when your not there and the house goes to shit an no food is cooked an no.free sitter âŚand just enough time for both grampa and his girlfriend to get pissed that stuff in not doneâŚsomeone will say something and if you and hubby isnt thereâŚwell then they cant blame youâŚhmmmmâŚguess whos gonna get the blameâŚand most likelyâŚthe kids wont be watched as well so they will be getting into things an making extra messedâŚgramps an his girlfriend will eventualy blow thier top at the 2 lazy assesâŚyou wont have to do anythingâŚlet the chips fall where they may an stay out of the line of fireâŚlolâŚit will happen
Just came to say Iâm sorry. Iâm sick all the time like that too. I went through the hyperemesis. and I couldnât imagine doing all that you do. You are SUPER HUMAN 
I truly hope this gets resolved quickly and peacefully, and you get the rest you deserve!
I would not only contact CPS but would report grandpaâs gf and her kids for elder abuse. Ther are abusing him financially.
Thereâs no keeping the peace in this situation, because itâs already not peaceful. Itâs called telling adults to be adults or get the fuck out. Its called demanding the respect you deserve and not be a doormat. Itâs also called calling cps to protect that poor baby!!! Iâm honestly disgusted that no one has yet!!! Itâs utter neglect and if you are in my state you could get charged with felony child endangerment just for not reporting it- and should. You take care of the baby all day. Walk that baby into cps and tell them whatâs up. They will be all over it. You said yourself you people please and want to keep the peaceâŚâŚ ask yourself, is it peaceful for you? No! Then you have nothing to lose.
I donât know why you ever did everyoneâs laundry. Stop that immediately. For housecleaning of common areas, set up a chores chart. If you cook, they clean up after unless they eat out that night.
Funny that they say others baby you when they do nothing.
Announce everything at a family sit down. Maybe your grandfather can deliver the news, since itâs his house.
Also, if the parents of a baby are doing drugs, the sober adults must start talking about doing something to protect the baby.
There are a lot of hard conversations to have here. Change is hard, and those on drugs wonât take it kindly. But if âkeeping the peaceâ means that two people continue doing drugs while you and a baby pay the price, then keeping the peace is harmful. Everyone in the house should attend Al-Anon meetings, in-person or online. Theyâre for friends and families of alcoholics and other addicts. You will learn tools to help you handle living with addicts. There are phone and online meetings all day and night. If you can swing it, I also recommend family counseling with a therapist who specializes in addiction. Youâre all in over your heads, but there is help.
Just stop doing everything for them just look after you and your family. You are living in there house saying anything at all is going to cause a drama. If itâs that bad and you canât take it any more maybe itâs time to look for other living arrangements.
Just stop doing all that you do. Stop taking the baby. Do you have a friend nearby that your guy can drop you off at on his way to work?
fix your issue and move out, thatâs my only suggestion. People will treat you how you let them, and grandpa and grandma are letting them walk all over everyone. They wonât change. And you could potentially lose your children if they are in the same home with active drug use and squalor.
You donât keep the peace. You blow a gasket. Let them get pissed.
I would kick them all out! Doing drugs? Call child services. Bugs?!?!? Disgusting
You teach people how to treat you and what you allow will continue. Take care of you and yours.
First off take to grandpa first. Explain all this to him. That is had nothing to do with him or anything like that, that you donât mind helping him and you have the utmost respect for him. HOWEVER, you are being disrespected and a baby is in danger because of drug use and issues due to them being there. Let him know if things donât change, that though you love him, you and your spouse will no longer be helping with anything as you will be moving. (Not paying for household items, rent, not taking care of the baby or house cleaning) and grandpa and his gf will be left with those that do not pay and a baby to take care of. Then stick to your guns.
Girl!!! Stop doing their laundry, and cleaning up after them, and stop babysitting!!!
There is literally no way to approach them and keep the peace because they know what they are doing and donât care. They are using everyone around them because they know they can. Even if you approach them with logic and love, it will blow up in your face and cause a massive family meltdown. Iâm sorry.
STOP WATCHING THEIR CHILD!!! Why are you offering free childcare to them? Youâre making yourself more stressedâŚ
Adult Protective Services may be interested In some of these activities. CPS would definitely be interested. Do you have an adult day care or Senior Center nearby? Grandpa may benefit from a couple mornings a week in a social center away from the house. We are near Senior Care Partners - PACE in Battle Creek Michigan. They have centers in other states. Transportation door to door is provided. It would help put someone with fresh eyes in your corner, too.
Just donât do it anymore. Take care of you and your husband and your grandfather. Quit taking the kid. Donât do their laundry. Let it sit. You donât have to explain shit youâre a grown adult and itâs not your job to take care of the cousins and their family.
The first negative word about my grandpa or spouse and Iâd have done rocked their shit. 
if there is drugs than you have an easy way to get them out., use it!!
Stop doing shit for them. Only help your grandpa.
Sometimes you just need to let the drama happenâŚput your foot down and stop being everything for everyone. Let them do their own laundry and find a sitter.
First, you shouldnât be taking care of others thatâs not your husband, your gfather, kidâŚthey are grown they need to do their own laundry and cleaning. You are not their maid. You need to hurry up grow a backbone and tell them exactly how you feel
Refuse to take care of their baby. Hand it right back and tell them to deal or pay you to babysit. You do not owe these people anything. If you are paying rent, stop being the maid. You are only a door mat as long as you allow yourself to be.
Time for a family meeting, tell them all how you feel and discuss it and set boundaries!! Donât let them make you miserable!!! 
Adult Protective Services and CPS needs to get involved!! Nobody needs to be messing with Papaw and taking advantage or him or you 
They are abusing your kindness and should be asked to do what is right or get out of the house slaves were made free years ago their abuse is way over what anyone should have to endure in a whole lifetime.
He needs to evict them if he doesnât want them around. The GF will prob go too. Itâs up to your Grandpa as an adult if heâs capable of making decisions. If he is not then you need to work with the family members so that someone has legal decision making of him and his estate. Get them out or get yourself out bc if theyâre doing drugs itâs going to come back on your little family too for having your kid around the drugs. For now get yourself a mini fridge and put all of your food and things in your room and lock it up. Tell them that you will not watch their child and if they just disappear and leave baby with you then call CPS and the cops. I guarantee they donât want either snooping around with drugs in the home. And see if gramps would allow cameras outside and inside common areas. Unless your the medical cater for grandpa then you guys literally need to get out.
Stop watching their child, cooking for them and doing their laundry. Save up money and move out.
I donât think thereâs any way to avoid a major meltdown and drama here. You arenât in good health and these people are taking advantage of you. Drugs, bugs, and a baby? Time to call Child Protective Services on these people. When you are out at the store, call, explain what has been going on, explain that your grandfather is elderly and doesnât know how to handle the situation. They will come in and deal with the parents of the baby. The parents will be told pointedly to work and start living up to their responsibilities, or lose custody of their child till they do. They will also be told they must provide a home for their child. A clean home, with food in it, and a bed for the child to sleep in. They can get State help with these things if they are low income, but they will be told to shape up or else.
Sweetie- I would let your husband handle it. He need to talk with your grandfather and what he wants - and do it.
Quit cleaning their living space, let them make their own meals, let them do their own laundry. Donât let them eat the food you have purchased or the laundry soap you bought. Call CPS the cops immediately if they are doing drugs in home you all share.
Stop doing things for them are you a doormat
My question is⌠how tâf do you let yourself get pregnant while living in those conditions?!?!! You say you donât live there for free so move out!!! 
I think itâs totally your fault. Just take care of yourself and husband, your grandfather will soon see the problem, as for the innocent baby , call social service, youâre not helping them be parents.
Leave. Or talk to grandpa firstyy
Just sit down and say it. Point blank no argument. It is the way it is and you have your boundaries
You are parenting EVERYONE. Turn the so called adults in for drug use. Call CPS for baby or get in touch with cousins parents to care or take child from them. Your cousins family need to know he is neglecting his child and come take him. Talk to your Grandfather about how his GF is disrespecting you. That is HER home to keep up. Clean only your space.
Tell your GF if they donât go you will. Who is going to take care of him then?
Buy groceries and cook for you and husband ONLY. If you want I take care of GF then cook for him too. But, no one else. Let them fend for themselves. Then GF will see his GF doesnât care ⌠literallyâŚfor him. Sheâs only there for a place to live. God bless and pray about all this.
Sometimes the peace needs to be disturbed to get your needs met.
Oh, MY!! I used to try and get along with everyone until one day I realized that being, âPat, the passive, people pleaser,â was causing me too much HARM, low self esteem etc. and CHANGED!! I still try to be kind BUT no more of this doing everythingâas that only breeds self contempt in yourself and others!! Stand your ground, make sensible rules and stick to them!!
Well the drug issue is a big problem with a baby in the equation and CPS will need to be notified when you no longer can care for the child. Immediately stop buying food, supplies, ANYTHING that isnât for you and your spouse. Immediately stop DOING anything related to the care and upkeep of oneâs self (this includes cooking meals) and oneâs Space. Iâd feed the baby because baby is an innocent victim. Iâd wear a body cam ( not joking either, thereâs inexpensive ones on Amazon) and I would install a BLink camera in my own room facing your door if they decide to act up. You canât tell other people what to do or not to do. Your boundaries are stating what you WONT do, and what you WILL which is to take care of yourself and your spouse and your unborn child. This level of stress is detrimental to your health and pregnancy. Choose YOU. Get out of there ASAP. If someone else is the one that calls CPS and your baby is already born you risk them taking action against you as well, preemptively before they sort out all the facts. Not a risk worth taking. CPS needs to be notified of this situation and their baby needs to be placed in a safe place, a home where drugs are being consumed is not safe for a baby. Iâd be sick with worry every second of the day.
Sometimes u gotta say fuck the peace to get ur point across, that is, if talking to them like adults doesnât work
Simply explain to them its either a house to life in or the drugs, if your grandfather owns the house; he could get into trouble for what they bring into the house. So pick because you wonât stand for it anymore and tell them the next time they are doing drugs in the house you will call the cops and have them removed for good
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Quit cleaning after grown ass adults and quit taking care of their babyâŚthatâs their job they will either figure it out or they wonât but it ainât your problemâŚyour making it easy for them to want to stay and not do anything bc your doing it all everyone it that house knows who does what whether they admit it or not so u donât have to worry about that. You let the house go to shit and see how long it takes them to say something or do it themselves. Your grandfather needs to tell them they need to clean and cook and care for their kid etc themselves bc you canât really say since itâs not your place but you can stop doing all the maid and nanny work for sure
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Probably not what you want to hear, but sometimes we need to learn that conflict is necessary and to stand up for ourselves, to me thatâs your only option if you want anything to get better or change, sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to grow.
Hell no, have your husband and Grandpa make a plan for this to change
I think you should have a family meeting. I understand you may be nervous but your husband and your grandpa seem to have your back. Just say how you feel and what you could all do to change or improve this.
Iâd allow my husband to stand up for me. He wants to protect you so let him 
If it causes problems then let him & your grandpa handle it.
On your part: practice saying âno, Iâm not going to babysitâ & âno, Iâm not doing your laundryâ & just âNOâ in general. People pleasing will leave you exhausted with no energy left for yourself. If they complain then, honestly, thatâs their problem not yours.
They are doing drugs? Call child protective services and have them booted! Nobody has to know it was you .
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Give them a notice 3 days to leave, including the extras, or call police over drug use. Grandad needs to decide whatâs important to him, and baby needs DHS to intervene on his care
You will sooner or later realize that your peace is being walked all over, and better to bring it up and discuss it
Help your grandfather start the process of eviction and call cps on them yes it will start drama but the baby will be safe the more you allow the more they will do
All of the aboveâŚother than the stupid spam posts*
Leave, move out! Things are only going to get worse! Be better to live in your vehicle than being everyoneâs slave and not appreciated!
Your grandfather needs to get rid of his GF. Sorry but she sounds toxic as is the grandson and his GF! Call CPS and report the drug use and unsanitary conditions in their room where the baby is. Its NOT your responsibility to take care of their kid especially when they donât work!
Tell Grandpa⌠either they go or I do. Tell him WHY. this isnât good for you
Stop doing it! Just stop! You donât have to announce youâre stopping just do it, theyâll notice soon enough. What are they going to do, complain because you didnât do their laundry or clean their roomâŚnow thatâs laughable. Their just taking it for granted that youâre going to automatically do it and not giving it another thought and certainly donât appreciate it. Take care of you, your husband and help the elders thatâs it. Youâre not the maid or the nanny and itâs up to them to take care of themselves and their kid. Stop enabling them to be worthless losers and leave their laundry and absolutely donât clean up after them and say no Iâm not taking care of the baby anymore. There is a thin line between being a nice and caring person and a foolâŚI think they are seeing you as a fool and probably laugh because you are so useable. Put your foot down or continue to be the maidâŚyour choice 
Stop doing things for them. Donât take the baby. Donât wash their laundry. Donât cook for them. Take care of ur gpa urself and ur man. Thatâs it.
Tell âem go to rehab or youâre taking their child
You should all sit down and talk about it honestly. They will probably get angry and thatâs ok. You need to tell them how you feel and that you quit. Youâll help your grandfather but you will not clean up after two young adults and watch their baby while they so drugs and sleep! Iâm so sorry youâre dealing with all of this. You just need to draw your line in the sand
They are taking full advantage of your kindness and now expect itâŚfirst of all stop babysitting stand up for yourself and say noâŚsecondâŚdo only your laundry and your grampasâŚthirdâŚonly cook breakfast lunch for your grandpaâŚyou are not their slaves and it isnt your job to wait on themâŚfourth call cps and tell them they are doing drugs around the baby and there is bugs in their bedroomâŚtell them you dont want them finding out its you callingâŚthey will say its all confidentialâŚnow when everyone is sitting around the table for dinner your hubby needs to make it clear to everyone that using you stops now and that you two pay rent so you are not there to slave and cook and clean and wait on everyone just your grandpaâŚand you gave every right to go back to bed whenever you feel like it because you do not answer to themâŚtalk to your grandpa alone and tell him they are using him and they are abusing him âŚif he wants your help in saying he doesnt want the freeloaders there anymoreâŚsuggest that everone pitch in money for foodâŚhow are you and your hubby ever going to afford to leave if you are buying groceries for everyoneâŚwho buys the babys diapers etc if they dont workâŚso your grandpas gf is using your grandpa for his kindness and basically his money so she can stay there for free as well as grandsonâŚgood luck sweetie and let hubby help you in talking to them
Sounds like they like taking advantage of you. I say you stop doing everything for those two including watching the baby tough love is needed and you need to start taking care of yourself because you count too let your grandpa know that you will only be watching over you your man and the elders and that they have bugs coming out of the room and you that they use drugs call CPS because no child should be living in that way when they ask whatâs going on say to them your sick and you need a break go out more distract yourself and be happy because life is to short to be unhappy
It sounds like you are not there because you canât afford to go somewhere ELSE⌠for your own safety sake or health please move OUT!!
you shouldnât BE anybodyâs MAID SPECIALLY not if you ainât getting any respect or gratitude showned⌠the more you pick up the more theyâll throw on your plate⌠grandpa has a girlfriend to take care of himâŚshe wonât as long as youâre there wiping everybodyâs ass
. DONâT LET THEM ABUSE YOU A DAY LONGER PLEASE!!!
ItâLL NEVER ENDâŚ
Stop doing everything for the cousin and his gf ⌠Simple when your cooking the meals ask them to pitch in and do something ⌠do the laundry seperate to them so they have to do there own and donât look after there baby when there not doing anything âŚ. There using you for free services make it hard for them so they crack the shits and move out
You definitely went to get on taking care of the bugs asap because itâll only get worse if not taken care of I know from experience and why donât you and your husband both confront all these people together
That baby does not need to be in their custody. Notify someone higher up such as CPS or DHS about their drug use while a baby is in their custody.
You are allowing yourself to be disrespected. Only you can stop it. Asap.
Donât keep the peace, cause a riot. Stand up for yourself.
He needs to kick them and his girlfriend out. Why sit back and be used and abused. Thatâs crazy.
You seeing to the household already. Why dont you and your husband move out and then you can just check up on grandad every week.
Sounds like the grandfatherâs girlfriend is the problem. She has enabled her son & his girlfriend to move in and destroy the house and neglect their baby. Iâd get grandpa into therapy so he can see how toxic his girlfriend, her son & his GF are & that he should kick them all out of the house. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Iâm single, for example! 
Iâd call CPS on the 20-somethings for child neglect and an unsafe environment (drugs, bugs) but theyâd probably not do much & itâd result in the GF, her son & his GF exploding.
In the meantime, get counseling to find out why youâre being a martyr and to learn ways to cope with the toxic people in your household. Stop doing anything for anyone but yourself, your husband and your grandfather. When they hand you the baby, hand it back. Lock yourself in your room or get outside to get away from them. Maybe when yâall move out you can call elder abuse, CPS on them and the cops for their drug use. If they donât work are they dealing to afford the drugs?
See if you can stop paying rent & put that money towards getting a place of your own faster. Hope your husband has your back, and you find your spine to fight back against abuse.
Iâm so sorry your so sick with this pregnancy. I canât believe you do all the work while suffering too. And congratulations on your baby.
Honestly, theyâre not fit. I would have a serious talk with the grandmother about getting them help or for that babyâs sake CPS needs to get involved. Think about what happens to that baby if and when they do leave that house? This is a really bad situation. And I feel for you too because you are taking on entirely more than you should have to.